₦airaland Forum

hedonistic:
All these ones and their deluded rants on social media. Yada Yada Yada.

And when you're caught cheating, you expect to remain married right? You think the rules, privileges, expectations, and unwritten do's and don'ts are same for both sexes, right? In Nigeria?

These small girls sef.

Abeg leave these small girls forming maturity and writing out of fantasy...

My husband cheats and i cheat back..foolishness wey no get part 2.

Imagine a new man in your life discovering that you left your marriage because you cheated on your hubby regardless why and you willl still expect that man to respect you?

Iranu ibere oriburuku.

jadelyn007:
you have been so stuck up in your misogynistic world you didn't even realize that 50 percent of the female replies you got on this thread are from married women, cococandy is married, so is kachisbarbie and others. Do me a favor, stick to the boyfriend and girlfriend topics you are used to. You are not even married yet you are advising married people, who even dash you counselor role, or you think counseling is by settling Iya ramotu and baba saheed fight? Did you study guidance and counseling or psychology in school. All these cut and nail self acclaimed counselor, you are the problem with Nigeria.

lol...you are so funny dear.

If only you know....

Anyways its a good thing that as long as nland tarries,my threads will always be there as reference point.

We live in a cruel world of men and only the wise women understand this but the foolish still live in their dreams.

Continue dearie..whatever rocks your boat.

enygmababe:
I am amazed that you think an unfaithful HUSBAND has the option of marrying more wives.

A married man can only go ahead to marry more wives in Nigeria if the first marriage was customary or Muslim in nature. If he was married under the act in the first instance, then any subsequent marriage is bigamy which is a criminal offence for which he can be convicted by a court of law in Nigeria. A lot of women just don't know this and so do not harness it. Also if the first marriage is customary, any subsequent marriage to another woman can only be customary in nature

If my hubby tries it, sadly the woman will never be able to bear his name. In fact I know of a woman whose husband secretly went to marry another woman, she gave him and the other woman an ultimatum and they had no choice but to annul the marriage because at the time of the marriage the man was already marriage so the subsequent marriage was void an initio.

It is sad indeed that most men would cheat and say it is meaningless, a harmless fling and that they love their wife. If they only realised that the act of lovemaking to a wife transcends the physical to the spiritual as well as the emotional trauma it could cause, am sure they would restrain themselves. A man who cheats on me cannot love me and I doubt that I have the capacity to stay with such a man and pretend to manage it. However, this post is not about the repentant adulterer but about the unrepentant philanderer.

Guys beware! The day a woman stops crying for you that day you need to start fearing for you life.

Before deciding to leave it will take some time. The first time I discover it, I will give him time to do the needful and change. This is because i know what i have invested in this family and would not want to leave for another person who did not sow to come and reap. After this period of grace, if he does not change, I may draw battle lines. By battle lines I do not mean incessant quarrels but I mean a withdrawal of cooperation.

By withdrawal of cooperation I mean that he will become the bread winner of the family in the true sense of the word. After all, he has an abundance and that is the reason why he can entice girls in numbers. He will drop the household allowance, my personal allowance and pay for everything even to the match box. If he doesn't then there will be no food in the house. He will also not get a dime from me whether as a loan or support of any kind. We might actually live as strangers in the house.

The moment I know about the affair we will start using CDs for intimacy though for the life of me I still wonder how much intimacy there will be becos I will imagine him with another woman, see them in the act in my minds eye and be repulsed. Pretending through the motions of intimacy is no mean feat but is definitely beyond my powers. Biko leave me I beg.

On philandering shamelessly in revenge ...lol. Giving myself to his friends in revenge would be stupid and I value myself too much to harm/abuse myself all in the name of revenge. However, a philandering man who refuses to change is obviously advocating for an open marriage and should get it. However, the female need not go about it abrasively just for revenge. If I were to chose that option? I would not rush it. I would only be with a man that also attracts me but which said attraction I would hitherto have suppressed because of the institution of marriage. However, if I ever get to this stage, it would me that I do not have an iota of love for my hubby anymore in which case, I can kill him...subtly. So I would be better off leaving him and filing for a divorce.

But right now, even though I pray it never happens, I keep myself busy by making the home so happy and homely that he knows how good he has it. So that when the battle lines are drawn, he knows what he is missing.

Truth be told though the questions are not easy to answer nor are the answers sacrosanct. A lot depends on how I feel when it happens. I may bloody well take a gun and blow his head off in a dark alley.

At last im seing a post i can relate with.

I second your notion sis.

uzolexis:
pls upload your pics so I can distribute it amongst all the ladies I know and warn them to stay away from you....you think you are a man?? you are still a baby and I am truly sorry for the unfortunate woman that'll end up with you.

You see how you reason?

Have you ever watched some fantastic best sellers? will you say tyhe writer of these films wrote those films to reflect their beliefs and lifestyles?

This is why i always write that common sense is not common.

Aunty abeg anytime you read articles or watch movies,try and understand that these are never reflections of the writer's personaility ok?

It is a confirmatory signj of mental dumbness to leave a write up to start attacking the writer...infact a total uneducated but intelligent person will never do that.

Please grow up.

I have a pics on my profile page by the way so download that and start sharing..odensin.

ogwumgbe:
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The point im making is so clear...

The quran suports polygamy and the bible is not agai9nst it.

hile i will advice guys not to even think of taking a second wife due to the complexities,i will also advice men to be faithful to the woman they are married to but abeg does this change the fcat that a man can actually decide to marry more wives or even have a mistress? Definitely not.

So is it not foolishnes of the highest order t0 divorce a man because he cheats on you when infact this same man can marry as many wives as possible.

THE ONLY REASON I BELIEVE A LADY SHOULD LEAVE A MAN IS PHYSICAL ASSAULT AND I MEAN AN UNREPENTANT WIFE BEATER...Any lady who leaves a man because he cheats on her is a joker if she thinks she will find another man who wont cheat on her..FACT

ThoniaSlim:
I tell you! It's appalling! This right here is the reason I'll rather happily remain single than marry some myopic clown who'll give me unnecessary trouble! Maka gini? Achoro m ilu di?

You go hear my advice.......STAY SINGLE ABEG

vfactor:
If the above are ur reasons, then why get married? For you, sex is the ultimate reason for marriage. Wouldn't it be better for a woman to just have a sex partners and have her own kids and focus on her career, than marrying and then viewing her husband as a sex partner cos of infidelity. I don't believe in settling for less cos of low standards of morality. Divorce after infidelity is a personal choice in which many issues should be considered before the decision. But the reasons u have given is as flimsy as the word flimsy

I don't write to get accolades and by now im happy many nairaland ladies have realized that im not trying to impress them lin anyway cos the last time i checked,i have passed the age of reproach or fooling around.

As a lady, if you don't have the psychological shock absorber to cope with the possibility of your man cheating on you PLEASE DON'T EVER BOTHER GETTING MARRIED..Period.

As i wrote, i write in a no holds barr manner and im so realistic and down to earth.

I am not interested in any form of bragadocio remarks from the unmarried ladies who still believe in me and my hubby alone and how i wish each lady that have ever commented put their marital status so that i will know who to respond to cos as far as i am concerned,every reply i make to any comment of an unmarried lady is a total waste of time.

This thread is for married ladies to comment while the unmarried just read and learn.

jadelyn007:
This is Toks
Toks is a misogynistic pig
Toks is a hypocrite who can't eat same shit he wants to dole out to others
Toks is a stupid boy
Do not be like Toks

That said, I can swear I get hot feelings too each time I meet some guys with hot bodies and those amazing blue eyes, I fantasize about screwing some of these men, and some times I joke about it with my man.
As much as my body ht act on them because I am a human not an animal with no self control.

I find it utterly stupid therefore for a man to excuse cheating. Nobody enjoys screwing the same thing, same size, same skin texture, same muscle, same moaning sounds and all that shit. No body likes eating same food everyday, we all like variety with everything in life. Even women fantasize and some times they get opportunities to actualize these fantasies but they chose not to

If only it is possible not to have teenagers and ladies who have no clueof what marriage ia all about comment on this thread.

Most comments i have seen so far are from ladies who are still living in fantasy.

This is a realistic thread and how i wish even after these ladies with wild adrenaline make their odoriferous remarks, they end up answering the questions i asked..WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF FACED WITH SUCH SITUATION?Period.

If you like curse me from here to the skies,it does not change the fact on ground that most guys cheat on their wives and even if i preach from now till kingdom comes,it will not chnage the polygamous nature of men so start living with this fact or dont bother getting married.

mizquote:
I'm not surprised you re yoruba.

you see, the world isn't as it use to be where women were treated as foot mat and slaves the world has evolved and its still doing.


women re now self independent, educated and have dignity. marriage is not the ultimate, apostle paul said marriage wasn't meant for everyone.


marriage is a fusion of two brings that is why the bible said the two shall be one, as the man and woman body belongs not to themselves but to each other.


I will never ever stay with an unrepentant philander. marriage is not for cheating and no cheating for in the bible marriage can be dissolved on the basis of sexual infidelity.


I better divorce him because I can never pretend to ignore him if hes a bloody cheat.

I may re-marry to a man I'm sure won't cheat if he repeat same I will do same.


with the kind of women I see now I am proud of how our future daughters will be, strong, intelligent and confident.

ok then

Please are there married ladies reading this? i need to see comments from them.

banmee:
You know what I think? I think you have a potency problem. You can't function unless you can dominate a woman. I bet if you meet a confident woman it shrinks up. What's with you and male dominance? You need help. Every article you post is always about the subjugation of the female species. I will pray for you. Now close your eyes.

You really think i have time for your juvenline deliquencies?

I think i should stop responding to your vague comments.

Memejem:
It's a long response I know sorry. But I wanted to make my point.

Also I would pick a mixture of option of 1,3. In a case of an unrepentant serial cheater. I would leave my husband. But who says I must remain single and celibate? I can date and find a new man who I feel will be able to respect me and the institution of marriage and we can marry. And for you to say keep changing husbands in option 3 is unrealistic. Not all men cheat and obviously the second time around I would take my time choosing a new partner and hope to find one that I am compatible with. One that would not repeat the same mistakes as the first.


You know the options you created are not the only options available and are a little unrealistic. If a woman divorces at pretty young age that doesn't mean she must remain single. Doesn't mean she must remain celibate. Option 3 insinuates that all men are cheaters so she would have to continue divorcing and we know that not all men cheat.

i no talk sey all men cheat and the third option is clear.....WILL U CONTINUE TO CHANGE HUBBY IF THE NEW ONE also CHEATS?

Tolatutu:
I would divorce the cheating goat and wait till i find a decent man. That option does exist, many women have gone on to marry faithful men, i would rather be single for life than stay with a philanderer.

Issorite

banmee:
A thread for men? What are you doing posting topics here then?

What a question?

Im old enough to have a graduate as a child...how i wish Seun has age sections on nairaland.

mizquote:
Op must be a Yoruba man.

Proudly an educated,objective,pragmatic and down to earth guy from the Yoruba clan so any issues with that?

Anyways,lets know thye option you would settle for.

Thanks

Henrique4real:
There are too many Foolish and ungodly hegoats parading themselves as men! Jeez! May God therefore give u wives that have the same Character with you in Jesus name.easy to say but when they are at the receiving end, we wud start hearing about how all women are bitches and how they are not suitable as wives. Iranu!

ok ma so what would you do?

You have various options to pick from.

Memejem:
For you to ask a woman to disregard a cheating husband is for you to ask her to emotionally give up on the marriage. What is the point of remaining married if that's the case.

There are many things that women should be cautioned and instructed to forgive and let pass in a marriage but definetely not adultery. If a woman sincerely tries to work on the marital issues that lead to her husband to seek sex outside and he still refuses to change what is the need of staying in that marriage? So the man can now come and give her an STD? Or she shouldn't have sex again in her marriage? So she should face her children and sacrifice having a love life.

I understand what you're meaning to say and maybe it would be more likely for a woman to remain in the home and disregard her husbands promiscuity in the olden days but it's not realistic in modern nigeria. People are more exposed and educated. Woken have more options and opportunities available to them. They don't have to stay in a marriage by force anymore because they can't afford to care for themselves otherwise. I don't want to speak for all women so I shall speak for myself. I will not take it. Never. No matter what it will leave a negative impact on my way of life. I will not be able to function knowing that my husband is having extramarital affairs and is unwilling to change. It is one thing if we have a matured discussion and decide to move forward and he actually stops sleeping around. With time we will mend. But if his is UNWULLING then Biko no time to waste time. I am out. Peace of mind is free. Peace

I made a promise, a vow and a convenant with a man under God and I will keep that promise until they day I die and I expect the man to do the same. This is MARRIAGE not boyfriend/girlfriend wahala. This a scared bonding between two individuals.


If this matrimonial home is a Muslim family where men are entitled in the religion to practise polygamy and have up to 4 wives. The woman can now argue that the man should stop having sex outside and marry another wife. But I highly doubt that after 4 wives a man who has the mentality of a serial cheater will stop there. Now if this is a Christian marriage then seriously what is the point? The man will not change. The woman may stay if she is 50± and does not see herself starting life all over again. Perhaps sex is no longer as important to her as it used to be. But to ask a woman below 50 to basically live a celibate life with a cheating husband is wickedness. Because she will not want to sleep with her husband again, the love will be gone, that close relationship is broken. You are living with an enemy.

How will this shape the minds of the children who view the relationship of their parents? Unless the wife is unaware of the husbands actions there is no way they can reasonably function as a family unit and remain truly in love unless they have an agreement that the husband is free to do as he pleases and he agrees to always use protection outside.

But I don't agree to such agreements in marriage. And therefore I can not be content in such a marriage. The real question here is in a Nigerian household if a woman is a serial cheater would you ask the husband to bear within the marriage?

Truthfully, marriage is a commitment and nobody said it would be easy. But, whether man or woman ANYBODY who is not willing to commit to thier spouse security is not ready for marriage. We are human and sometimes we make mistakes and cheat on the ons we love, but if the love is there forgiveness will come. The problem is when the cheating never stops. Then there is no need to remain in my opinion.

All of this only makes sense if you married for love. If you married for money then of course you will stay in the marriage Na. When ur cheating husband does his own, you go and do your own outside and continue to collect the the money. Loooolll. Just jokes

But this is my humble opinion. It's a long epistle sha. But you don't have to agree with me. But that is how I see it.

Cant believe i had to quote all these but then what option would you take?

Tolatutu:
I've told you personally i would rather move on. The women who stay and cheat do so because they need to find their own happiness, You think its easy to live with a serial cheat abi You tell women not to leave so they can die of hypertension abi When they have their own thing o . the side they no longer give a flip about the cheating loser. It's basically an open relation and that's what many Nigerian marriages these days are. Since you people say teh wife is the head then don't blame wives for following their husbands leads

Apparently i asked an objective question with various options to choose from but ironically many ladies are just attcking the thread without seing the objective side to it.

So please what option would you categorically settle for?

banmee:
Here we go again. Another chauvinistic article from a chauvinistic prick. You can never end up with an assured and confident woman. I pity the slave you end up with. I strongly believe you should emigrate to Afghanistan or Iraq. You'll fit perfectly over there. At least they think exactly the way you do in matters relating to women. This muthafucker is justifying staying with a philandering husband. Really? Come and say this same shiit in an organized society and see if they'll not throw you out head first. There is something seriously wrong with you. I wonder what kind of environment you grew up in. I really wonder. I will keep bugging you till you receive sense.

This is a thread for men and not boys please...

If you want to comment here please do so like a matured person and not one high on liquor or oshogbo weed. Its not a must to make comments an we are not in a palm wine joint so make intelligent comments or keep mum.

Henrique4real:
There are reasons to call this thread worldly facts of life but I tell you OP, there are more and too many reasons to call it IDIOTIC. I really don't like abusing but jeez! What is wrong with these male mentality u people are selling everywhere. U guys better be very careful cos this whole package is really suggestive of the life u pple have chosen and indirectly forcing the female folks to be complacent about and accept when u cannot accept same as a male. Forget about the deception where u listed options.its clear form the tone that u have already chosen an option for the females. Infact none of ur options are good. Can u imagine? What u cannot take, ur hands are fast to type and suggest! Msheew!

@ Bold letterings...

You are very free to cheat back s a revenge dearie so look at this objectively and not dogmatically. A s long as you are ready to drag yourself in the mud cos a randy guy decides to do his thing then please go ahead..no one is forcing any lady to maintain a status quo.

Tolatutu:
Women have caught up to men , do me i do you man no go vex. Most of the women who turn a blind eye to cheating are also doing their thing That's why i never put mouth when people start talking about a woman cheating because for the one time the wife would have cheated the average husband would have cheated 10times. The days of suffering and smiling are over, personally i'll rather get a divorce and move on but for the women who choose to close eye and do their own thing i don't judge.

Agreed but the question i need to ask os this;..Is any man worth making you stoop so low to a slutty level? Does it make sense to turn yourself to a LovePeddler because one regberegbe philanderer can't keep his kini inside his boxers?

Common..i think ladies who cheat as a revenge have smuttiness in them but just waiting for an excuse to unleash it because no one can ever make you do what you are not capable of.

doveda:
Used who?

Are you referring to the consensual act they engaged in? Chai!

you better wake up from your fantasy world into reality.

doveda:
How would you know she is cheating?

Married women they cheat wella....magun wasn't created today

Go figure

Kilode gan?

You see me for dream?

Abeg free me.

tonaydo:
I don forget this one name but it's mostly played by girls and it was a fun game as you get to build your own house when you win and make the game harder for the unfortunate once that don't have a house. . .play don finish o

Its called suway

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Atlantian:
It is time for you to understand that if peaceful separation is not guaranteed, then violent explosion is inevitable, and the sh.it has just hit the ceiling.

Exactly my point...They remain my number one in Nigeria so far but sometimes some so called family issues need to go public in order to bring samity to issues.

poshestmina:
Why not settle it within yourselves?
Must everything be on social media?

So you just realized family business is a pain in the a$$ after all this years

Sometimes one needs to speak out .Many people have died out of frustration trying to keep matters under the unbrella of family issue.

phintohlar:
lmao.. So based on just dat right? U no too 9ice jare

The boy is good...Apa ni o n pe be.

Awon article yii o need ka se ma pee ko to se the needful.

BumBae:
Let me beg him

He is an intelligent young man and i guess he knows what needs to be on fpage.

Dannidom:
make i park here first

who posted this sh*t. Well for ya info that's how we roll

Me


she reality (my antics)

Oshogbo and orubebe weed mixed with taba is really at work

vizkiz:
she is right. At 25 a guy should start being responsible for himself.
He be like say that nigga whey respond to her still dey live for him papa house

I left home at 18 and never went back to stay under my parents.

But nevertheless, the economy situation of Nigeria right now is so bad that even a 36year old guy still living with his parents should not be castigated.