₦airaland Forum

bukatyne: Sorry, but He won't and never will

Bite me!

Honestly i am freaking out.

Ok let me introduce another angle to the whole story.

When she was 19, she got pregnant for me and i carelessly allowed her to abort the baby with serious convincing from her older sister claiming she doesn't want her to pass through what she sis passing through cos she was also put in the family way by a man who later left her and this disturbed her education.

Though i objected but she insisted so i foolishly allowed that to happen.

I take responsibility though but believe me, ever since then she has not been able to conceive and i personally decided not to try any other lady out but to settle for IVF at worst which cost almost 800k but we decided to still linger a bit and try for a year and see.

Maybe this is also part of the reasons for her present misbehavior, i don't know.

But one fact i cant come to terms with is that if she has truly slept with someone else, it will be difficult to get her back into my life especially when-she is not even showing any form of willingness to retrace her steps.

Princess zoe: Toks am so sorry for what you are passing through. It is a thing of glory when a man says he has been faithful ever since he married his wife, except if you are lying. Honestly such virtue glorifies God, making him feel pleased. Coming to your wife issue, she made a very silly mistake. A married man or woman is suppose to becareful on the kind of opposite sex they chat with. These days both men and women lack self control and this is one of the reasons why cheating is increasing day by day. You need to take some proactive steps. Meet a genuine and true man of God to assist you. Waiting for your wife to return to you might never come to manifestation. And she can still remarry , so can you but if you both get remarried to various partners, then you both have signed a contract into adulterous marriage because your wife never had sex with her male friend neither were you unfaithful to her. Matthew 19 vs 9. Also your wife is not an unbeliever. You really need to ask your pastor the meaning of an unbeliever so don't use that satisfy your conscience or justify your unscriptural motives and plots. You must becareful for the sake of your salvation. You need to resolve this case with wisdom and fear of God which you made mentioned that you have. Please don't commit adultery with any lady. There are nemesis to it. You may contract the spirit of unfaithfulness from a woman which will hold you in captivity thereby making it so hard and impossible for you to be a faithful husband again, you will be establishing negative soul ties also through sleeping with another girl which will later require serious deliverance, you will be pushing away the face and spirit of God from your life, you might end up having a possessed girl on your bed which may endanger your business,career, job, future, family . This is a trail for you, don't be defeated.

Honestly you just wrote out my mind and im tripping that this is coming from a lady..

This is the reason why i have remained so faithful for years even till now and i have no need to lie as no one will hold me to ransom.

I am also a very attractive young man and also get passes from ladies too but as i wrote, the fear of GOD in me is so so strong that even i marvel so i expect same from her.

At a point before she eventually left, she said so many funny things that i should allow her keep her friends if i really want to make her happy that she sees nothing wrong as long as she keeps her discipline.

Now she came visiting last two weeks claiming she wants to pick some stuffs cos all her stuffs are still in my house.

So i asked her if she is really interested in coming back and she said i have actually pushed her to sleeping with another man.

That nailed it and i decided i will let go of her for good though she has a way of wanting to purposely hurt me with words to make me feel bad about calling her names and hitting her on the leg which happens to be the first time in 12yrs but i have apologized for that many times.

i told her that even if she was trying to pull my legs that she has passed the boundary as such thing shouldn't be joked with.

Right now i don't know what she is really up to whether she is coming back or not, she has left all her stuffs with me, refused to initiate divorce process and is not showing any green light she wants to come back thereby making things so so difficult for me.

I wonder what came over her, she has been the sweetest and the most decent lady i have ever come across but at the moment i dont know what to think anymore and i fear i may end up committing adultery cos the passion is so so high.

Anyways im sorry loretta, im done but i will not initiate divorce. If GOD gives me another lady that will take me out of this crazy nightmare i will be so glad. Just hate the idea of wooing ladies around town.

Thanks a lot.

MOBBDEEP: All your points are home
My brother, you have said it all
I mean " Eré kí lajá békùn se? "
Leave all those who believe otherwise & let them be deceiving themselves
Self-Discipline & Fidelity are the foundation on which a good relationship stands
No matter how wonderful a person is, once integrity, self-discipline & fidelity are lacking, the remaining substance is just fake, amorphous chaffs

@ TOKS:
It's too saddening
I do not mean to be harsh but despite your wife's other good attributes, she appears not to be a wife material.
And I guess you didn't say here what actually got you pissed!
Which is the fact that she seemed to enjoy the side-relationship plus she isn't willing to stop/cut-off the relationships.
Maybe she's even still enjoying her communication with them!
Most ladies of today do not know what the sanctity of relationship means
It has made me to start questioning the maxim that " Men are naturally polygamous "
I think it is the other way round
I'm not here to discuss your private matters but this is worth learning
"Ögbón ológbón ni kò úñ jé ká pe àgbà ni wèrè"
God will give you wisdom to settle the dust

This was the exact word i used. " Eré kí lajá békùn se? " but i guess she is too naive. She has not been used and dumped by men so she is still thinking there is something better out there.

What do you expect from A lady a man met at 19yrs? she will definitely feel caged and want to explore the world not even minding she is already married.

For me, no divorce and i hope it will not be too late for her to come back to her senses.

As for me, i don try.

alutacontinua: Agreed! Your wife didn't do what was best for her marriage but please, try and sort things out with her, okay?
You have to make her see reasons why what she did is wrong, that's the only way you can get a sincere apology and repentance from her. If she apologizes because you're angry or she just wants peace to reign, you would not be too pleased at the outcome of the apology. But if you can make her see things the way you're seeing it, that might not have to be through confrontations, that might be through a calm, loving and peaceful heart-to-heart discussion. If you over-reacted in anyway, try and apologize. Just let peace come back into your family...I apologize on her behalf, please! Call her and make your family great once again. Wish you best of luck!

Thanks for this great advice.

Honestly i love her no doubt yet i can't be a push over. The only saving grace she has is because i fear GOD and abhor sin like shit hence with all these luscious billions of ladies out there, she dares not try leaving her home for even one month let alone over 4 months and still counting.

The Bible has vindicated me anyway

1 Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbelieving partner [actually] leaves, let him do so; in such [cases the remaining] brother or sister is not morally bound. But God has called us to peace.

I cant wait forever. Who knows whether she is already having her fill with someone else. As for me, i will get myself a sweet young lady. I cant wait any longer.

tbaba1234: ^ Well, i guess we have a case study.

I think what mr Toks statement above lays credence to the original post. The easiest way to destroy a relationship is maintaining these outside 'friendships' with the opposite gender.

Before a man gets 'naughty' with a lady, she must have been too free with him... We have to learn to keep boundaries. Beyond professional relationships, a married man or woman has no business keeping friendships with the opposite gender outside marriage.

Ensure that there are boundaries .

That is just the truth.

Seems my wife enjoys the attention these men were giving her despite the one she gets at home. You know, something new, a feeling of overwhelming acceptance and that is where the problem begins with ladies especially. Not wanting to tell admirers off until they finally destroy their marriage.

Then they realize to late that these men are only after one thing and once they get it, they will be left in total regret.

alutacontinua: I'm not a bro. People should stop taking my username to automatically mean a 'bro'. For God's sake, there's a 'f' in front of the username.


Back to point, nawa for ur issue ooooo...but don't you think you're taking it too far? For God's sake, the man was hitting on her, not the other way round. A discussion could have been waaayyyy easier than allowing your anger take a hold of you. See what the anger has caused you now...Anyways, you didn't ask for an advice but I think you should sort things out. But stop using that your anger to make comments on Nairaland. I can now understand why you were really attacking bukatyne.

My sister believe me, this lady happens to be the best thing that ever happened to me but at 30yrs she totally changed.

You may say i allowed my anger to take a toll on me but you may not understand the way we feel as men cos you are a woman.

At the initial stage i warned her that there is no friendship between a man and a married woman. If not formal friendship like co worker, class mate or business partner, there is no basis for any other friendship but she just will not understand claiming that she is used to male friends all her like.
When the guy started calling her her maiden name rather than use mrs, i complained yet she said i was old fashioned. So when i saw the resultant effect, i had no choice bit to get crazy.

Ok as if that was not enough, i stumbled across another crazy chat between another guy and my wife once more when the guy was asking my wife to make him cum so what about that? she also claimed the guy was naughty that she has no role to play in that.
When i saw that, i really lost it and called her crazy names, threw her things out but she still insisted that the guy was just too naughty that she was never a party to that but she was discussing with the guy that her marriage was shaky and this got me angry more.

So believe me, carelessness in making friends with opposite sex can destroy marriages.

She is now claiming that i ridiculed her in so many ways and i called her an adulteress even when she did noo such thing to warrant that name.

Believe me guys, im tired of this shit. Its like a crazy spirit has taking over her and some-times i wish i should just continue to pray for her and a times my bi polar disorder wants to make me hate her the more.

But the fact remains that i cant file for a divorce because its not worth the stress, yet i cant easily start dating another lady just like that.

For 12 years i have been loyal to this lady and i guess she has too but what is happening right now is something i cant decipher.

Marriage is not an easy institution. How do i begin after 12 years? but i don't have a choice here. I am so so pushed to the wall.

alutacontinua:
Ain't you the same Toks on the other infidelity thread with about 15 great years of a happy marriage and the holy spirit turning you around inside-out?

Yeah Bro.
people should not allow prejudice to come up when hey see someone making certain comments.

My case is enough to create a thread on but im only trying to be discreet about it.

I believe you are now getting the drift of why i make such comments.

Social networking sites is solely responsible for the present turmoil in my marriage.

No thanks to my wife or will i say no thanks to my anger too but im not blaming myself one bit.

I met this lady when she was 19 and i made her a woman.

We were always happy together because we were each other's best friends.

When she clocked 25, i married her and we still remained very happy together but i guess i made a mistake by getting her an android phone because being a pretty lady, many guys will certainly want to be her friends then a certain guy became a friend of hers and i kept warning her about the danger of having informal male friends but she claimed i was old fashioned.

Been a gentle man that i am, i simply gave her the warning. Though she claimed she was match making this guy for her friend, i was not comfortable with the guy referring to her by her maiden name but she also dismissed this issue.

The day came when i got curious and checked the watsup mesages and i found out that this guy have been making indirect passes at her and she was telling teh guy to google her zodiac if he wants to know more about her and that was it.''

I smashed the phone to pieces and things never remained the same. Even after the guy became my friend and apologised for what his friendship with my wife has caused, she just wont remain the same again and the heat just got so much that one thing led to the other and today we are separated.

I will not bother divorcing her because i have no viable ground.

I cant accuse her of adultery and yet she refused to file for divorce despite her leaving..

Its been since February since she left and honestly as a believer, i don't want to commit adultery or fornication but the passion is so so high.

I have tried to reconcile with her but she is just making things difficult. So you can imagine a lady i spent 12 years with acting this way so i really don't know what to do.

ii. Your spouse is your only friend from the opposite sex

For the man, cut the phone calls with other women unless it STRICTLY has to do with business or work and does not go on for long periods, no text messages either. If she is not your wife, she is not your friend. That means you should not discuss private matters with other women. If you want to talk to a woman, talk to your mother or sister.

Keep discussions with other women, straight to the point. This means no flirting AT ALL. You might think it is harmless but the lady might not feel the same way. You are only in charge of your emotions.

The same applies to women, keep a stern voice if you need to. Keep discussions straight to the point and brief.

Like they say, one thing leads to another. You don't want to start that 'one thing'.


This point is the reason why im separated from my wife at the moment.

She sees nothing wrong in keeping male friends while i keep telling her the inherent danger but she wont listen until i angrily smashed the android phone i got her when i saw some conversations between her and this supposed friend friend of hers with the guy telling her she would have loved to have her as his lady but she has been tied in both hands and legs depicting marriage.

After smashing the phone, one thing led to another and she has to leave for her siter's place for over 4 months now.

Piponomics: Shut up Sir. Funny you are talking about ethics and decorum but you could have passed across your message like everyone else without that demeaning slight on the woman. Now crawl back to where you've been all along.
Thanks.

LOL! Me shut up. You sure have guts.

Now i can see why Seun decides to leave this thread to run endlessly yet has the lowest viewers. I rest my case.

Piponomics: And how did you know she was a gambler??

Well, i don't know the age of most nairalanders but i believe we need maturity here.Plain English "you sound like"
is a very harmless expression but i guess some of us need to work on our ethics and decorum.

Prettywoman: When did this one return here?

Do you really need to write this?

Anyways.

For those asking about money menagement modus.

Its quite simple.

Before you place a trade simply ask your self these questions

1. what % of my equity am o willing to risk?
2. What is my stop loss?

These two questions will determine the modus of your trade execution.

So lets assume you have 2k account and you want to expose 5% on a trade(professional advice maximum of 2% risk)
and lets assume your stop loss is 50pips

so here is the calculation:

You will first get 5% of your equity and this will be

2000/100 x 5 =100usd

100usd is your 5% so to get the lot size to use, you will divide that 100usd by the stop loss pips value which will be 100usd/50 = 2usd

so you will use a lot size that gives 2usd per pip.

You need to ask your broker to explain how the lot size is organized on their platform to avoid making errors in choosing the lot size.

I hope this piece of info helps.

Just decided to drop by to see how this never ending thread is faring and im happy to see the immense contribution of veteran traders here.

However, i would like to advice us all that fx trading is a business like every other and needs time to grow.

Lets take it gradual and rid ourselves of making it big in a jiffy.

Online Forex trading remains the most profitable legal business you can ever come across as well as the most risky business. It depends on how you approach it.

Wishing you all a pippsfull experience on this thread.

Prettywoman: This God is a faithful God,he will never leave you stranded if your entire faith is in him....@house Ej buy is really tempting me after filling my purse yesterday,make i no go vomit wetin don enter my mouth finish,whats your view? @Naijababe u have a mail....

You sound like a gambler.

You ought to have a trading plan so use that same plan that filled your purse with good money management and you need not fear vomiting what you have eating.

[quote author=na U go tire]My brother, you hit the nail on the head. Many a times, I wonder what I do on Nairaland after seeing the level and age of the so called Nairalanders. And these teenagers are the ones that won't even give a second thought before resorting to insults and name calling. And to top it all, Seun and his mods are even thumbing down the site more and more. If not for my strong desire to know what is happening in my country, I won't even touch this site with a ten foot pole. Have they asked themselves why they have not been receiving strong patronage from advertisers despite being the most visited site in Africa? It is because the quality of the content keeps getting very childish by the day.

Seun and the rest, it is high time you guys sat up, otherwise, I'm ready and willing to bankroll a competition that will give this site a run for its money.[/quote]You are 100% correct but wetin we go do?

Lets just flow with them in a mature manner. Its fun though.

Fine young chap.

But i would like to see you in your late thirties after you must have passed through some life stunning challenges if you will still be as fine as i am.

I don't know why Islamic scholars disbelieve the death of Christ but i pray that GOD reveals this truth to every Muslim who really seeks to know the truth.

Just ask GOD to reveal the truth to you and he will.

Orikinla: Which ex?
The last or the previous ones?
My last ex still comes around even though she is engaged.
The ones before as follows.

NK (1992-1994): I miss her abstract drawings.
BK (1994-1996): I miss nothing. (She had a tight V)
NG (1998-1999): I miss her awesome sexuality.
Q (2006-2009): I miss her Kama Sutra's style of keeping her legs in the air whilst banging.
CB (2010-2011): I miss her Kenya Moore's big tits.
IR (2011-2012): I miss her IQ.

Oh GOD save our women. See analysis. Bro i hope you are married

poshdiva: I miss his cooking
I miss his smile
I miss the way he takes off days from work just to be with me
I miss his attention to little details like my shoe size, dress size, favourite colour. E.t.c
I miss the way he braids my hair.
I miss a whole lot.

BUT I AM NEVER GOING BACK. NEVER!

Are you a piscean?

oyin50: I'd confidently beg my husband not to forgive me for deliberately and cleverly opening my legs for another man. Haba let us have conscience now does it not even irritate you as a woman.

Ask them please.

bukatyne: Are you really a Christian?

It seems you can't draw a line between objectivity and dogmatism.

If it will make you feel ok then i am a PAGAN.

Decryptor: SMH @ some of the comments from sissy-men here. I caught my ex whom i was to wed sometime last year cheating and i kicked her aя̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ .se to the curb one hand! How much more a woman i call my wife. It is not out of this world that here in Nigeria, women will definitely forgive their spouse if caught cheating because of the status marriage put them. It would be so demeaning for a woman who was once married to suddenly go back to her father's house and become single again. Secondly, the thought of her fellow woman (whom the husband cheated with) taking over her matrimonial home is painful enough.
Compare the Western world such as the United States where if a woman divorces a man' she gets custody of the children and all the other things such as the house, cars etc remains in her possession and the husband pays her monthly alimony for the upkeep of the children. I can bet my life on it that if that was the case in Nigeria, no nigerian woman will ever think of forgiveness! Infact, we would constantly witness countless situations whereby a woman would deliberately set her husband up in an infidelity rap in order to claim his wealth and belongings. We all know how materialistic the average Nigerian woman is in our society. So pleaseeee all these NL ladies ranting here, save your sermons! I know what is in the dark mind of most Nigerian women of today.

Hmmmm! Food for taught.

mbulela: but a man who sleeps with another woman, his heart is still with his wife,abi?

A BIG YES.

Men get carried away with what they see but women don't. It takes a lot to get a woman in bed. Her heart must have been off from her hubby before such thing can ever happen.

bukatyne: Hmm torment!

Bible believing Holy Spirit filled tongue blasting and GOD fearing believing tormenter!

If you like take my comment out of context, na you sabi. I know what im implying.

obadiah777: CHEATING IS DIFFERENT WITH MEN AND WOMEN. SEE THE WOMAN IS A RECIEVER. SHE IS GETTING FOREIGN MATTER INTRODUCED INTO HER BODY. THE SPERMATOZOA IS A FOREIGN BODY AND IT CHANGES THE COMPOSITION OF HER AND THEN SHE CREATES ANTIGENS TO THE GUYS SPERMATOZOA SO THE GUY IS WITH HER FOREVER. EVERY GUY A WOMAN HAS EVER SLEPT WITH REMAINS WITH HER FOREVER. SHE HAS ANTIGENS OF ALL THE MEN SHE HAS EVER HAD SE-X WITH. THATS WHY A WOMAN LOOKS HAGGARD THE MORE PARTNERS SHE HAS. HER IMMUNE SYSTEM GETS JACKED UP FROM ALL THE ANTIGENS CREATED IN HER. EVERY MAN A WOMAN HAS YANSHED IS IN HER FOREVER. FOR MEN ITS DIFFERENT. FOR MEN IT IS MORE OF A SPIRITUAL WEAKENING. FOR WOMEN ITS BOTH PHYSICAL AND SPIRITUAL

OH MY GOD!

Goodness and mercy shall follow you all the days of your life bro.

If i second your comment with the spiritual implication, everyone reading this will pray and fast for the strength to avoid adultery at all cost.

Many people think its just about the p and c coming together. It goes beyond that. Far far beyond that.

bukatyne: Lucky you then. Goodluck.

You want to know the hell I am talking about? Are you are Christian?

I am a bible believing Holy spirit filled tongue blasting and GOD fearing believer. How else was i able to remain faithful to just one lady for 12 years till date if not by the spirit of GOD.

So i dont even want to argue this fact. If my wife cheats on me, its over. I will not divorce her but will torment her until she takes that walk by herself. Its not about forgiveness.

bukatyne: If you marry another wife, whoa re you punishing?

It's like a child saying 'my parents are stingy therefore I will steal'. Who will God punish? If you carry bitterness, how does it affect her? If you don't repent before God comes/ you die, who is the greatest loser? You will end up in hell and your wife will repent and go to heaven!

You better pray to God to heal you of bitterness and live your life to the fullest. What happened to you is NOT new! I have heard of women who toiled with their hubby for many years and then the man makes it and marries a second wife and chase the first! What should the first do? commit suicide? The funny thing is that if she doesn't forgive the husband, she is going to hell.

Don't let anybody drag you to hell or ruin your life with bitterness. At the end, it's a personal race between you and GOD. He will not listen that it was Iya Sikiru or Basirat or bukatyne that offended me

Nothing happened to me,i was simply making my notion known. Nevertheless, where did you get your assertions from.

As far as im concerned i have divorced her even without going through the stress of filing for it and getting lawyer that will even make me spend more.

I dont want to go into explaining your comments to you cos i can see you are getting it all wrong. Which hell are you talking about? when the only reason for divorce is adultery. Abeg get your facts right.

alutacontinua: Waoh! The female gender has suffered in this world. SMH!

For about 12 years i have remained faithful to my wife simple because i'm a believer,i fear GOD and also respect her as well as love her so if catch her today sleeping with another man, do you expect me to still keep her as my wife? HELL NO! If as a man i restrained myself despite all these temptations moving around so why can't she do same?

Nevertheless, i will not go through teh stress of divorcing her but punish her more by getting married to another lady and i care less if the new lady is a confirmed akunakuna and leave the stress of walking away to her.

alutacontinua: Waoh! The female gender has suffered in this world. SMH!

Not at all. That is the way it ought to be.


Let a man go into a room with 5 ladies and come out, you will see people praising him for his conquest but let a lady enter a room with 2 men and comes out,i bet she will get the most disdainful look she can ever imagine.

Lets stop all these hypochricy and face facts.

InvertedHammer: /
An Igbo man once said that his problem was not that he caught his wife in bed with another man; rather he
is more concerned with what they discussed about him that gave the man the audacity to climb her.

//

GBAM!

tmanuelle: My wife won't dream it, y'all know why? Its simple, its because I will never forgive such.

No woman ever dreams of such, it just happens due to carelessness and it starts when a woman starts keeping casual male friends after marriage and allows these males friends get too close for comfort by allowing them address her with her maiden name, discussing her marital issues with them and before she knows it, she is pants down trying to get consolation.

alutacontinua: My own problem still lies in the fact that if a man were to be caught cheating, the story changes!
Why should it be any different for any gender?

I advice you to rid yourself from this funny ideology.

A man naturally is polygamous except the one who chose to be decent in that aspect.

Ladies are expected to even remain virgins till night of the wedding so the fact that these days,things have changed does not give women the impetus to cheat on their spouse.

The physical,psychological and spiritual damage to the man's psyche will never make it easy for him to remain happy with the lady even if he forgives her especially if he caught her in the act. That picture will never ever go no matter how he tries.

On the other hand, divorcing her is no guarantee that you will get a better lady because the next lady might even be worse than the divorced wife.

My advice is that if your wife cheats on you, save yourself the stress of divorcing her if she is really sorry and repentant because some are never sorry for the shameful act.

But If you feel you really need to move on please do and get yourself another bitch but just don't go through the stress of divorce process cos she is not worth it. Let her take the walk by herself if she can't cope with you having another lady in your life. At least you saved her the shame of an adulteress divorcee.

Sanboy25:
What kind of women is that ?
Molesting a kid so young, and the son of her man...
Shame on her !!

*putting camera in my house*

not again. Im damn tired of stocries like this
It is no longer news that 99.9% of females are cheats so just hope that uour gf or wife is not doing theirown with someone you know.