₦airaland Forum

femmy2010:
What if it was meant to be?talk to your friend.

that's ok.

but u need to ask urself a question, if it's the other way round, i mean putting urself in ur friend's shoes, will u be cool wit it? be truthful wit ur answer.

mutter:
inky I did not say I suspected you were a despoil victim,.
I only said that some people might think you were one.
The replies I see on most topics here (not your topics) suggest as much.
Anyway I strongly believe that more than 70% of Nigerian women have been despoiled at least once in thheir life.

is that true? or is it an assumption cos that's quite high.

anyway, r.ape is not just good (morally, biblically, whatever way we are looking at it) and anyone who indulges in such an act is definately not in a good frame of mind. such people (if caught) should be sent to rehab

hakunajay:
This is a nice little piece of nonsense! The write up is so bleep up, i wonder if this is english at all? Abeg, make u write am for broken english make i 4 understand or better still in your native language so that someone can translate it to proper and understandable english!

u are a little bit too harsh there!!! not everyone can write constructive english and all we need to do is encourage them and not intimidate or shoot them down. though the write-up is so bad, we can still deduce wat the poster is trying to say.

@poster,

"i love u but i'm not in love with u", that's reallly new to me and it's quite confusing. It's either u are in love or not. i want to believe your guy loves u but he's been cautious cos he had a failed marriage. I will advise u dont get urself all worked up, just give him time and he will surely come around as long as he doesnt tell u off.

take care.

@poster,

it's so sad and pityful that u are just seeing wat ur parents saw in her a long tme ago. sometimes, our parents could be right when they disapprove whom we choose to love (not in all cases) because they tend to see what we fail to see because our thinking ability would have been clouded with so-called love.

In this matter, u said something abt ur parents not liking the girl cos of her attitude. so, u actually knew she's got issues with her attitude but u chose to ignore the warning bells and u r know reaping the benefits.

Bottomline is u need to move on cos u guys dont seem to share thesame dreams, while u are thinking of getting a bigger apartment, she's thinking of staying in a face me - i - face u house. That's absurd!!!

Got this from FB i'm sure. Still a sad tale anyway and emphasises the importance of communication in relationship and marriages.

Communication is key in everything we do in life.

it's so suprising that u ladies have turned the poster's topic to "boy-friend valuation & capability" instead of giving her the advice she so much crave for. For a relationship at this stage, dont u all think all that must have been taken into consideration?

@poster, it's better u listen to ur parents cos we guys tend to love and cherish ladies that are not cheap. Popping in in weekends and going back home aint a bad idea either. u really dont have to spend the night in his place to hav fun. If the guy loves u so much as u claim, then he will understand and respect ur parents wishes.

About his valuation and capability, no one needs to know that except u, be good and a blissful marriage in adv

jay bee:
Believed by who? the yorubas? never heard of such and i'm sure it ain't no taboo.
My sister is 2 years older than her husband and they have been married for 20yrs.
My point is age difference of <4 yrs is somewhat same age group and more acceptable than 11 yrs.


I c u madlady. look at u quickly agreeing

if u check my post properly, i never said it is taboo or it does not happen but it's a belief. I am very sure u know the difference between a "norm" and a "belief". Moreover, apart from ur sister, how many examples of such relationships can u cite, even from ur family. The bottomline here is that, i and a larger number of other posters believe this relationship aint gonna work and its better for HER to look elsewhere for her hearthrob.

@poster, forget his friends or wateva business he is doing. the fact still remains that u are lot older than he is and he's gonna change his mind very soon when the pressure from his family becomes unbearable. It can be painful but the truth needs to be said. I will advise u let go and look 4 somene who is thesame age bracket.

I want to blv u've got a yoruba background too if ur profile name is anything to go by and whether u like it or not, age means a lot to the yorubas. It's believed the husband should be older than his wife, not the other way round. Moreover,  he is the only SON of his mother. If u really care for him and urself, it's better u start planning on how to end the relationship b4 it gets out of hand.

all i can say is that taking such a step will be SHEER STUPIDITY! If i understand u clearly, u want to ditch ur boyfriend for someone u've not seen and only been talking? that will be a crazy thing to do.

And ur last statement, (u don't want to lose any) any of wat? do u mean u don't want to lose any of the two guys? Simply puy, i think u are confused and u don't know wat u want. wat happens if ur newly found love comes out not to be wat/who u think he is? I'm sure u will cover ur bum-bum with ur tail like a whipped dog and run back to ur FIANCE.

U better watch it and hold on to wat's real.

whitelexi:
I get your drift my friend, its just so hard to understand why a wedding should hold when there's an objection in church. I always hought the priest was required to halt until the issue has been sorted before continuing wihimth the service.

Of course!! The priest/pastor/bishop/minister will definately halt proceedings and will be enjoying the scenario before him (just joking) and also has the authority to call off the wedding if need be but i am sure no minister of God will want to be in such a situation.

But the ultimate decision lies with the husband-to-be and the bride-to-be. If they both agree to go on with the wedding and sort out issues with the "Ex" later, nothing else matters.

Moreover, the only issue to sort out here is to confirm the paternity of the little girl which i don't think is BIG enough to call of a wedding. About the "ex" still loving the guy, she should just forget it and move on in her quest of getting her own husband and not ruining someone's wedding.

hbabe:
I said what I would do. To advise another lady on this matter is another kettle of fish, as there are many things to consider!
In Naija we do have a lot of single mums and it is not compulsory to marry anyone just coz they have kid(s) for you.
The welfare of the child and where she is to live are issues to be discussed later!
Bros, if having a child for a guy guaranteed marriage in Naija so many ladies now in their late 30s would have been married by now!

well said!!!

the guy can take responsibility for the daughter and go on with his wedding. it is not compulsory he marries the "Ex" cos she said she still loves him, Moreover, wat kind of love is that, after 3 years!!! that's incredible. So, wedding first, deliberations and discussions later.

Just a personal feeling anyway.

whitelexi:
Wed first and then return to the matter? This is an issue that can tear your marital home apart after marriage. . .  I dont think it has anything to do with trust oh, she needs to get him to do some serious explaining before anything happens because with the child in the picture, the whole thing has escalated.

Do u think he can accept the child and let the mum go?  There are many solutions to this problem but it will be hard to implement in a country like naija.

thought you were scouting for people's opinions but it seems u are taking sides with the ladies now. U are supposed to sit on the fence and if at all u've got some contributions to make, you should be doing that from a guy's perspective not from a lady's.

I don't know if u get my drift.

@poster, i am not sure anyone has told u what's the plain truth yet. Distant relationship is not advisable and if possible should be avoided. I aint saying distant relationship is not real or is not good but most often than not, IT DOESN'T WORK OUT!!!. This is someone speaking from experience. If you love your girl like u claim to be, i will advise u close up wateva distance u have between yourselves.

Like some people said, trust is very important in relationships but it doesn't really have anything to do with distance., FAR or NEAR, trust is essential

My advice is that you either relocate to where your girl is or ask her to move to where u are. Believe it or not, DISTANCE wear out relationships. The more you see the one you love, the stronger the love gets and vice-versa.

please take heed and be careful.

@poster, ur so called friend is one of the people who make this world a wicked place to live.

Why would he impregnate someone else? we both know the answer. He believe the lady can't get pregnant anymore cos of the abortion she did sometimes ago but he mustn't forget the lady consented to that agreement to save his ass. Now he has the gut to flirt around with other girls cos the lady is experiencing some difficulties. If he is a good guy, he will stand by her and endure with her, not going around pumping his seeds into any available girl.

Now that the other lady is pregnant, he now thinks of settling down abi? if he does, nemesis will one day catch up with him that's for sure. Moreover, why not ask him why he is ready to settle down with the 2nd lady? is it because she's pregnant or he loves her. The lady is just a month pregnant u know, i aint wishing anyone bad but the truth must be said, what gives him the impression that the lady won't lose the pregnancy.

I will suggest u advise ur friend to tell the 1st lady the situation of things cos it's better she hears it from him and if she's ready to let go, good for him but if she's not ready to let go, the 2nd lady will have to go thru thesame process, abortion. After which the guy should go back and if possible settle down with the 1st lady.

it's really a crazy thing to imagine oneself in such an appalling situation and u will all agree with me that we can't say for real what our reactions will be except when we are experiencing the REAL THING!!!, God forbid anyway.

Anyway, in my own opinion, i will suggest the wedding must hold cos the couple-to-be must have come a long way but if the "ex" insists that she still loves the guys or/and he should consider the daughter, i will then suggest he marries BOTH of them, if it's possible. If any church or pastor will condole that.

Bottom line is, the wedding must hold. Anything aside this, the guy should forget the bride-to-be cos she would never consent later on to marry the guy and if she does, the bride's family would not.

@poster, u are sounding very confusing cos being possessive is quite different from having bad temper.

About ur possessiveness, i will support "190" cos wat he siad is just the basic truth. U become possessive over wat u like, love and cherish and same goes for jealousy but it doesn't have to be extreme. That is where u need to watch ur temper. U dont get possessive or jealous over things u dont love. Make ur girl understand that u are being possessive just because she means a lot to u. I can be very possessive when it comes to my babe and i see no reason why i shouldn't be cos i love her for real. Some people said something about trusting her and the likes, being possessive does not mean u dont trust the person, it means protecting what is yours, wat u love and value so much.

But shouting on the phone and cutting people off while a conversation is going on is as sign of bad temper and u need to watch it else it will affect your relationship with people. U cant get rid of it my brother, u can only control it. The power of a great man is his ability to put his emotions under control. Learn to be calm and listen to people. Furthermore, learn to listen to your babe, don't yell at her even while arguing. Hear her side of the story and be more free to ask/take her suggestions. I believe these tips and other u have received so far should help.

Best of luc.

@poster, i am really interested in knowing where u got that philosophy from,

Well, i'm not sure i got ur drift abt the rebounder and the reboundee but if u mean using someone to get back on ur feet, then most of us here must hav done that one time or the other.

There are times that things happen in our lives and we need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. By doing that, we feel better and we find the courage to bounce back.

Like someone said, if u could use someone to bounce back when u were down, i see no reason why u shouldnt give a helping hand to ur friend (the lady who asked u out for a date) or maybe u are SELFISH in the real sense.

iice:
[color=#9900ff]No i'm not sure. I dont know my own mind.[/color]

most times, u are kinda harsh and sarcastic in ur replies. maybe u need to work more on ur sense of humor. aren't u one of the moderators? u should be more accomodating and friendly i blv.

[quote author=Lord_Reed link=topic=338469.msg4744035#msg4744035 date=1255688383]How do u deal with this kinda situation: your girl/guy comes to u is crying/looking morose and wen u ask she/he says it's cos she/he is confused/pressured by the many people seeking her/his attention relationship-wise. In the process she/he gets a call from one of the numerous disturbers.
How would u handle this?[/quote]Frankly, i really cant fathom why getting calls and attention from potential suitors will make a lady cry. Isnt that wat they crave from right from their teens? Well, i wouldnt deal with such stupid and immature girls in the first place. I expect my lady to handle wateva disturbance or incessant calls she receives from guys cos that's wat matured ladies do.

justwise:
She is sending a msg to u, get serious or lose her to others on the queue.

I dont buy this cos there are numerous/better ways of telling your guy/babe if he/she is not doing something right. Crying over calls and attention (maybe disturbance) is definately not one of them.

hollandis:
Ask her if she is stupid.If she acts gibberish tell her to choose btw them and you.Demand that you want the answer ASAP.If she walks out on you or refuses to answer you,it means a NO.If she is in your house throw her belongings out including her

Most girls(99%) can't differentiate between a guy who wants to shag them and the one that really really loves them.The female weakness,I think

i think this is a better judgement. Personally, if any lady should try that with me, i will show her the door cos i want to believe she's actually interested in the other guys (disturbing her). Committed and responsible babes wouldnt even think about such calls but will only mention them during casual talks and discussions.

c'mon peeps!!! there are still some good guys and babes in this country and the world at large though the bad ones seems to be growing in numbers.

So, the fight is on, the good ones against the bad ones.

Pharoh:
Please tell more i am learning alot from your post. You are right i am a reserved and quite person in reality but always want a lively and inquisitive partner. if my partner is boring like me then the union will be hell IMO

But the possibility that two likes can be together also exist right?

Of course!!! it is possible for two likes to be together but it aint gonna be fun.

To buttress wat Julian- H has said so far. Being with some who has thesame qaulities that u hav can be extremely boring. The beauty of relationships/marriages is the abilitity to learn new things from our partners/spouses and one can only get that by pitching his/her tent with someone who's got a different personality.

So, i think i am in support of the opinion that opposite attracts cos we can find/get evidences from various aspects of life, science, relationships, office environs e.t.c[quote][/quote]

I blv with wat everyone hav said here, they are right one way or the other but i will like to chip in a few personal beliefs on the topic.

I am very sure all of us here have done wat is called "snooping" before either concsiously or otherwise. Ladies tend to do more of this due to their level of insecurity and one cant really blame them due to the kind of frivolous activities we guys indulge in.  They do this from time to time to really know where they stand in the relationship cos their level of insecurity is high (thanks to guys).

But like someone said, when it's getting out of hand just like the poster potrayed, then one should worry. That's really disgusting!!!. I dont think i can condole such acts cos a certain level of trust is needed for a relationship to work.

For guys, we snoop occassionally to check out our investments (cos we invest so much on ladies) and we need to be sure our investments aint going down the drain like (Transcopr)  . We all know the importance of this cannot be over-emphasised. Conclusively, i support a bit of "snooping" cos it makes the relationship more balanced and keeps the partners on their toes but we shouldnt allow it to get out of hand. So, it's neither a confidence or self-esteem issue but it's called watching eachother's back!!!

sweetmum:
Going out with someone in your office,is it healty?

how many times do we have to answer "same questions & posts". I contributed to a thread like this yesterday.

@poster, i will recommend u check out other posts related to this question of urs for variety of answers. So, i will just answer u this way "it is not healthy" and please cast ur net somewhere else preferably outside the office premises if u wanna enjoy true love and freedom.

best of luck.

well, has anyone ever thought that this ministration of a thing could be real?

izeek:
God is not an author of confusion.
if he gives u such revelation, he wud give it to her too.

Exactly!!!. The saying goes thus "it takes two to tangle". Therefore, both parties should get the revelation, ministration, inspiration or wateva, Personally, i take such things with a pinch of salt.

with wat everyone has said, i will like to add a few things more.

I will suggest u limit the number of times u see & call her cos ladies tend to take guys that seems to be all over them for granted. With all u've said, she seems to be feeling cool and in control, u need to stop that.

Relationship is a two-way thing and should be seen that way. Once it's one-sided, it's bound to end sooner and badly. Let her realise it's not a do or die thing. If she's cool with u, no probs but if she's not, then move on cos i really dont know how long u hav to stay to win her love.

wat i love most about myself is that i love to love and be loved,

@poster, my own question is simple. wat time did she come to ur house and u guys did it? was it during the fasting time-limit or after she broke her fast?

With my lilttle knowledge, u can do wateva u want after the time-frame of the fast or i'm i wrong? Just wondering,

If i'm right, then u guys have nothing to worry about but if u guys had it during the time frame, then u are an "ACCOMPLICE" and the bulk of the sin should be on ur head. Why?

U are the man and should know better about wat is called SELF-CONTROL.!!!

Moreover, like some people said, we really dont know wat u want from us. Some respite i guess

i really dont understand why some people are advising the poster to go for DNA test. DNA test for who? Himself, the lady or the unborn baby? I'm sure a DNA test cannot be carried on the baby not until after birth.

izeek:
hey dont sweat it,
go for a scan, and findout how many weeks the pregnancy is.
then compare against when the deed was done.

if she was preganant before you did the thing, the timing wud differ an u ef will know it's not urs.

that scan will answer if u did or not.
she has to be atleast 2weeks gone to know she is pregnant.
and hey if she was, then she wud be 2weeks ahead of your intercourse date.

this sounds more like it.!!!

@poster, i'm really sorry for u and to be frank, i dont pity u at all cos u got wat u asked for. How could u hav fallen into the trap she set for u. U said urself that u both knew she flirts around with guys and u still went ahead and inserted ur "KINI". The pregnancy issue is a secondary case, have u ever thought of going for an HIV test? or dont u think ur life is more important than a round of sex? U really messed up and i think most guys on the thread are really disappointed. U dont need a star-reader, mind-reader, sorcerer/sorceress or probably a prophet to tell u the pregnancy is not urs but u actually put ur neck in the noose by having "unprotected sex" with a potential ashawo.

All thesame, i pray God grant u the wisdom to get out of this mess and hold on to the lesson for the rest of ur life. I really cant advise u to leave her cos u had 'somtin' with her and i cant advise u either to father a baby that is not urs. So, like i said earlier, u are in a deep 'MESS' and it's only God that can help, deliver and save u.

best of luck.

Personally, if i'm at fault, i will take all the blame "with all pleasure" BUT if she's at fault, then she has to. There is nothing like taking the blame as a man (whether right or wrong).

In relationships, partners should own up to their mistakes, wrong-doings and shortcomings and be accoutable for them. It makes the relationship more stronger and it reminds us that we are only HUMAN and we need eachother (as partners) and the grace of God to make us perfect and whole.