₦airaland Forum

@poster, i really dont understand why someone u claim to love and planning to settle down with will be giving u so much troubles. It's uncalled for and unacceptable!!!. if at all u r cheating on her, insulting ur friends, families and relatives is not the best way to go about it. See, i wouldnt advise to make someone who doesnt have regard for ur loved one ur wife.

Moreover, trust is very importatnt in relationships and marriages. Someone who does not tust u at this stage, wat assurance do u hav that she will trust u when u guys eventually settle down.

I will advise u talk things over with her again. Dont call the relationship off immediately like some people advised. Give her anoda chance. I want to blv u guys hav been together for some time and u cant just throw it in the bin just like that. Talk to her, plead if u hav to and try to convince her that u love her and will never cheat on her or hurt her. Give her time to change. I'm saying this cos if u call the relationship off, how sure are u that he next lady will be the best for u. The saying goes thus: "the devil u know is better than the angel u dont know".

Lastly, if she doesn't change, then TAKE A WALK!!! and ur conscience will be clear that u tried ur best.

best of luck.

my dear, i'm gonna give it to you the way it comes. Like someone said, u are only deceiving urself by saying he LOVES U MORE THAN U LOVE HIM OR ANYBODY. if that's true, he wouldnt have settled down wit someone else. I understand u guys had sometin special going but it all ended when he married someone else. GET THAT STRAIGHT.

i want u to know when u love someone truthfully, u stand by him/her irrespective of the hinderances/obstacles that may come one's way. He shouldnt hav left u becos some people didnt really support the relationship. He should hav stood his ground.

Futhermore, u are really wasting your time by loving a married man. u need to get him out of your life fast b4 it's too late cos if u harbour this feelings in your heart, u will find it difficult to love somone else and it might be too late for u. wat u need to do now id to leave him alone and allow him concetrate on his family while u concentrate on remoulding your life. I want u to blv there's somone out there waiting for u to give him a chance to love and treat u good.

So, it's your choice to make. Either u keep holding on to a lost cause or u grab a new life.

think wisely and i wish u all the best.

ammamat:
Girls never want the guys who treat them well. They always die for the guy who
doesn't want them then they start to complain of how he's treating them. Wherea someone else is dying for them who they don't want. Why?

I guess u are a lady. right? why not answer the question first (because it applies to u too) b4 we start contributing.

wat do u think?

i really cant understand why violence will turn anyone on.

it's really absurd!!!

@poster, without mincing words, U ARE REALLY IN A DEEP SHIT!!!.

with wat u've said so far, both girls seems to be good and decent irrespective of their past. Are u sure u aint prejudiced with ur judgement? i mean u are more concerned wit the past of the unilag babe. Wat abt ur first love? doesn't she hav a past? Cos u disvirgined her doesn't mean she doesnt hav one but u are ignoring that becos of the love u hav for her.

let's put it this way. wat if u met this unilag babe without knowing a bit abt her past,would u be habouring such doubts abt her? would u love her more than u love ur ex? all i could deduce from ur mail is that u r giving the unilag babe less consideration becos of her past and i dont think it's fair becos we all hav a past. Even sinners still find favour and grace b4 God hence, the term SECOND CHANCE. u siad urself that she has changed. So, she deserves to be loved.

Notwithstanding, i aint saying ur first love isn't a good option cos she gave u a good reason for her past actions bt she came a bit too late and u made a grave mistake by taking her virginity. that meant u started wat u aren't sure u can finish. let's give it to her cos she kept herself over the years but it doesnt really mean she will end up being the lady of ur dreams.

My advice is that both of them deserve equal chance and opportunity and none of them deserves to be heartbroken/deserted but like someone said, the ultimate decision lies with u. U really hav to pick ur choice. Moreover, the earlier the better for u cos i dont think u can keep them in the dark for long. that could be highly DISASTROUS.

When someone is at war or facing a sea storm and u hav to make a crucial decison, there's a term they use and i will like to use it here. i think wateva decision u make, U ARE DOOMED. that is, u might end up losing both girls ( hav u ever thought of that?).

anyway, i wish u all the best and i hope u make the right decision.

young man,

i prophesy into ur life that u will not die but live to declare the goodness of God.

Try using a better word (as per ur topic i mean) next time. wat u are going thru is a process and u will outlive it. Just face ur studies, be hard-working (cos no lady will settle for a failure irrespective of the love u profess) and be hopeful. Like someone said, wat will be will be.

best of luck.

@house, I think we should mind the way we chastise people. This is a forum where people are expected to bare their mind and seek for advice. Moreover, there's no age limit. I can bet some some of us here have gone thru this stage one time or the other. It's just normal.

complains about u greeting both sex? i dont think that has anything to do with insecurity.

i will opt for stupidity.

Sorry, i hope u aint angry for yapping ur boo!!!  

@poster, point of correction: she aint ur girl and i think u shuld get that straight. Like u said, u ar just trying to come in and i'm not sure wat u feel for her is genuine love. Are u sure it's not INFATUATION.

I disagree totally about u knowing her better than her boyfriend. That cant be true cos u guys were only together for few weeks and her boyfriend must have been with her for quite sometime. Married couples can't even boast of knowing eachother inside out, therefore get that impression out of ur mind.

I wouldn't want u to get me wrong or feel i dont feel ur pain. It's possible u hav feelings for her but i think it's too early for u to decide she's the best girl for u or u are the best guy for her. Like someone said, maybe she took u as rave of the moment only to realise that she cant joke with her present relationship. My advice is u allow her make her decisions. It's not good to force relationships, if she's not ready to give u a chance, why not let go. U definately will find anoda person. U said somtin abt both of them quarelling, it's normal in relationships, partners are expected to hav misunderstandings but the beauty of it is to resolve wateva it is and move on. (it only makes the relationship stronger)

Moreover, how do u plan to make it work when u guys are a far apart. In ur case, u guys still hav a long way to go in knowing eachother better and i dont think that can be done with the distance btw u two.

PS: I will also ask u to put urself in the other guy's shoe, would u like the idea of someone trying to take ur babe? i bet u wont. Respect her decision please.

[quote author=nura_abi link=topic=309353.msg4344575#msg4344575 date=1250162882]My dear friend in the UK has lost his wife to facebook[/quote]that's ridiculous!!! how could someone lose his wife to facebook? when has facebook turn to a wife snatcher?

probably u mean the man lost his wife on facebook, that's better phrased u know!

MUZBO:
Is facebook a man? I never knew o!

i wonder ooooooo!!!

alicejacob:
One guy gets married to his pillow because he couldn't talk to women. They always mock at him.
He thinks his pillow will be wonderful partner.

of course a stutterer could talk, get or woo a lady/woman. How?

Stutterers are more coherent and talk smoothly when they sing. So, the guy in question can write out wateva he wants to say in a paper and sing it out to the lady of his dreams.

that should do it.

it depends

candyshore:
for heavens sake she is still young. but if u insist u love her wait untill she is ready, if some1 weeps her off then she was not meant for u
just continue to be her friend and talk to her. dont force her so u dont scare her away, just be there 4 her. and give her time.

Exactly!!!.

How are u sure u guys are meant to be? How sure are u that u are the right man for her?
Man, she gave u a very good answer and if u really care abt her, give her time. If she goes into any relationship now, she's likely to be consumed like she said.

Let me tell u this, no lady will appreciate any man that stands on her neck or pushes her too far. Just hang around and be urself, when the time is right and she sees u to be a good fellow, she will fall into ur arms without u blinking an eye. For the time being, find somtin else or someone else to shower ur love on since u've got enuf ot it.

best of luck.

opuro:
What is the better way of confronting the the aproko if not by proving to her he is no mugu

Raping her is not the best way to prove he's no mugu. He should thank his stars that this country is lawless, if ut were to be anoda country, he could be jailed for that and i dont think such a girl is worth being jailed for. Moreover, the rape could get her pregnant. Wat will he do then? marry someone who doesnt love him?

In my opinion, i must hav felt thesame frustration and betrayal the guy felt but i wouldnt hav reacted the way he did. There are numerous ways of dealing with such ladies that will make her regret her ways. Wat he did is called jungle justice and he could be punished, convicted, reprimanded for that. Like i said earlier, she's not worth it at all.

So, the guy should be more careful in the future. Instead of raping her, he should hav sought for advice on better ways to deal wit her.

@ThoniaSlim,

u seem to be extremely furious. i will advise u calm down a bit.

U really can't get anything or anywhere by venting ur anger in this manner. It will only potray u to be a bad person which i dont it's necessary. Moreover, u said u've been keeping ur cool, why not keep it that way and see how things will turn out.

think abt it.

@poster, i can tell u emphatically that it aint easy!!!. I've been into it overtime, some didn't work out but i came out unscathed in the most recent one.

The most recent one was when my babe went for youth service in the nothern part. Initially, i thought it wont work out but it did. It did work out with a lot of contribution from both of us. I was calling her from time to time and i even travelled down to see her when i couldnt bear it anymore. She came home a few times too.

wat i'm saying in essence is that it's a two-way thing. Some could live with it while some wouldnt try it. It has to do with individual personalities. if u love him for real, i will advise u give it a shot but it's going to be demanding on both of u. Futhermore, both of u have to beef up ur level of trust. There's nothing that creates/puts more doubt in one's heart than a distant relationship becos it's always hard to blv ur partner's word when he/she is far away.

So, hang in there. Hold on to him, love him and pray that it works out.

best of luck.

iz2much:
We're bothe scared, Cuz we dont want to loss each. am scared she might dump me and she is also scared i might drop her too. am kinda confused i dont dont know what the future holds for both of us.

for real i want her both having this fear if lossing her anytime eats me up big time, what am i suppose to do? Quit or Go for something like HEART INSURANCE? help a bro i beg

i really cant see or understand wat u guys are scared of?

And it's absurd for u to be asking if u should quit the relationship since u said u are scared of losing her.

If u quit, does it not mean u are losing her?

please be more expressive and elaborate if u want some help.

ProfJabura:
Pls, kindly advice me, the behaviour of my wife change completely after wedding - even to the level of beating, coursing me, but I told her I dont beat women because i was not though in my family like that, now, she had delay in child bearing, i am not fully convinced that after having a child she will not continue her behaviour. So i am thinking of calling it off.

But we did both court and church wedding. I dont want to annoy God and Jesus.

Pls what can I do.

thanks - Nigerias

i'm kinda suprised that u are just getting to know ur wife after ur wedding. Are u saying u guys didnt court before tying the knots?. It's strange. Very strange. As a couple, u guys are supposed to know eachother inside out before saying the vows.

Well, it's only God that can help u in this situation. Did u say ur wife beats u? Haa, that's a serious one oooooo. I really cant advise u to leave her cos u must hav seen somtin in her that made u decide to commit ur life to her. I will then advise u to remember wat that special thing is and use it to get to her. Maybe she would change. Sit her down and hav a serious discussion wit her, i mean bare your mind totally. Make her understand that if she refuses to change, u might then end the marriage.

Believe me, marriage is meant to be blissful and interesting, definately not a "life in bondage". Moreover, u neva stated how long u guys hav been married but i guess it aint long since there are no kids yet. U can as well seek spiritual help. I dont mean going to any spiritualist oooooo but getting closer to your God and pray ceaselessly.

best of luck.

Ruby 7:
Would need an intelligent person, female or male to discuss ideas with. U can reach me on 08138270706. Thanks.

it's ok to discuss but why must it be on the phone? why not here and now?

eyonigger:
Poster, this is just the logic behind it. Do u still want ur ex back? If YES" then try to get him or her back, I mean if that should be ur case, then pushing away all the people u have dated is just because u still think and care about ur bf or gf.

i support that.

@poster, there's no need to be alarmed yet. I think u havent gotten over ur ex yet. That's exactly wat u need to work on. It happens in relationships u know. I mean when u love someone, especially if he or she is ur first bf/gf and u guys had somtin special going, u find it so hard to get over such break-ups and u resent it when someone else touches u. I blv that's the problem u are facing. Like someone earlier said, is there any possibility of a make-up btw u and ur ex? If ur answer is yes, i will suggest u initiate it so as to get ur emotional life back on track and if ur answer is No, i will suggest u break wateva hold he had over u and move on.

Be open-minded abt ur next relationship, believe it can work, believe u can love and be loved again, believe u can enjoy sex with someone else (not ur ex alone). Lastly, try to forget him (i know it's hard) but u hav to try.

U r not shut down my dear and i dont pray u get shut down anytime soon. Moreover, u aint a system but a DEARIE that is meant to be loved and cared for. U will get that person who will revive ur emotions in no time. Just hang on and believe in urself.

best of luck.

joyce j:
My ex-boyfriend and i broke up because there where somethings in his life that i didn't like that he couldn't let go. Things like dating two or more girls at the sametime. I found this great guy that helped me through the breakup and we started dating after a while. I love my new boyfriend and at the sametime i love my ex. He wants me back and i think i want him back too PLS HELP ME

i cant count the number of times this kind of question hadbeen asked on this forum. Same stories, same questions, but peole still keep their cool to answer all in the name of helping out.

I think it's getting out of hand and it should be STOPPED AND DISCOURAGED.

@poster, u can check out the archive for posts like this and i'm sure u will get enuf answers to ur question. (more than u can ever imagine).

tight!!!

keep it up.

personally, i dont hav issues with the age difference. It depends on one's perspective and belief. It also depends on the type of partner one has. I've said it once and i will say it again, my current babe is a lil' bit older than i am (with months) but we are having a cool one.

So, it depends on the mentality of the partners and wat the relationship is based on.

@poster, my advice is that she picks herself up and move on and most especially, she shouldn,t forget the lessons learnt. Your friend made two grave mistakes and i hope she learnt a lot from them. One, she shouldn't hav made up wit him after she caught him wit anoda girl. Such a guy doesn't worth dying for and secondly, she shouldn't have compromised her decision to wait till she got married b4 havin sex. wateva made her change her mind is best known to her.

Futhermore, the guy is such a jerk cos matured guys dont go around bragging about babes they've slept with. Such things are meant to be 'precious moments'. So, tell ur friend not to wallow in pity cos doing that will only make the jerk more happier.

About getting someone to love her? she will definately get. (that's for real). Let her know that not manyguys fancy virgins these days simply becos they are hard to come by. A rational guy will neva set a standard to marry a virgin (the belief is that most girls get disflowered b4 they are out of high school). So, if a guy comes across a virgin, it's pure luck. I understand how she's feeling that is, she would hav love her husband to be to get the honour of doing it but wat will be will definately be. It has happened and there is nothing she can do about that.

the first step she needs to take is to stop beating herself over, forgive herself and if possible forgive the guy (cos is she doesn't, it will always affect her anytime she sees him) which i dont think it's necessary. She's a good girl and she should keep her head high cos she did wat she did to keep her b/f and the relationship. It's just so unfortunate that things didn't go the way she thought.

Lastly, she needs her friend to keep her going, so, i will suggest u stand by her and make her happy and it's a good thing u are doing by seeking for advice in order to help her. keep it up.

best of luck.

@poster, from a guys perspective, wat u did aint that bad but i hav a question. It's cool that u love ur gal and u felt bad to hav cheated on her but wat abt the lady u had it with?

does it mean u dont hav anything for her or was it an ashana? probably anoda chick on the block.

Personally, i dont just hav sex with anybody. I must be a lil' bit attached to the person and it still boils down to the fact that either ways, u are cheating. To ur girl, u are cos u slept wit somone else in her absence and to the other girl, she's just a past time and she will fade away once ur main chick is back. (none of them will know that anyway)

It can be nice to cheat attimes but the best thing is to know the right time to stop (i mean stop) cos it's not nice to be caught.

@poster, dont be deceived my dear. A traditional marriage is legal here in Nigeria!!!. Wait, dont get me wrong oooooo. I aint saying ur guy is lying ooooo but i'm kinda confused abt the divorce stuff cos like some people rightly said, u dont get a divorce from a traditional marriage.

Wat i will advise is that u ask him for the divorce papers if he's truly divorced.

Maybe i should add this, i'm also a yoruba guy and i can tell u authoritatively that traditional marriage is well respected and recognised as a church wedding. Some do it cos they prefer it and some opt for it in order to avoid all the religious hassles (if u understand wat i mean).

wat i'm saying in essence is that u look b4 u leap and pls dont draw any conclusions yet. Try talking things over with him and allow him to clear any doubts u hav in ur heart. I hope the love u hav for eachother blossoms and this issue will not cause any havoc to ur relationship.

best of luck.

i'm really getting confused here. I dont understand why some are blaming the poster. Wat she did is not out of this world considering wat she's gone thru in the hands of men (according to her mails) All she did was to check out on her guy and she found out he's been messing around behind her back and her explosion and anger is definately expected of a rational human being. Let's turn the table around and see how it feels. One way or the other, guys do thesame thing i mean checking up on our girls from time to time except when there is no love lost.

Woman, i still believe and insist that u move on. That man doesn't deserve u and no matter the text messages or sweet words he tells u, he aint gonna change and u will end up being hurt. I understand why some pople are putting up defense for a fellow naija guy but c'mon, let's call a spade a spade. Wat he did was bad. He shouldn't have reacted the way he did just because u went thru his messages if he really loved u as he claimed. He should hav pacified u and rebuild the love and the trust u hav in him. Moreover, from ur mails, i wnat to blv u guys hav had a similar issue in the past and u went back begging. That's exactly wat he's trying to do (i mean working and toying wit ur emotions) but i pray u wont be fooled again.

Be strong and blv u can always get a better person irrespective of ur age.

all the best.

TEXASGIRL:
And a liar he is. Yesterday we meet and made up. He was coming to my house for the night (we live an hour apart). He stood me up! No show no call, Then I go on facebook this morning to find a message from a friend that he posted that some other girl is his "main boo". So yes I got played & hard. No more tears over this one. My heart is hurt but I have to remember it was all an illusion. People can be so heartless and mean, and it doesn't matter where you are from/ what color you are. He should realize that God will take his revenge for hurting women (surely I'm not the first)like that. You always reap what you sow.

well, sorry to hear that too. But i told u in my previous mail, this guy is a pro playa and a gold digger as well. Like someone said, no naija guy will allow a lady to keep his money (business or no business) and if at all he wants to do that, definately not wit a naija babe (my apologies to the naija babes in the house). I aint trying to paint naija babes bad but it's the reality.

I will advise u pick up ur life and move on. keep ur fingers crossed and u will find someone that will truly love u. Dont u try or blv the making up stuff with him cos he will only end up hurting u one way ot the other.

take kia.