Too many frustrated people in this world. Is this now your problem? Oya find the one way no spoil na? Why are you disturbing us.

oldtimersince06:
I had to create a new account to post this.

So, my husband has beaten me 3 times prior to yesternight. I had said if it happens again, I'm going to leave. Last night, he punched me in my face severally and pushed me hard that I sprained my knee.
My concern are my kids. My older child loves his father so much, while the younger one loves me so much. The kids love each other. Do I take my younger child and leave this marriage and separate my kids, or do I leave them with their dad or do I take both of them and trust my older child will be fine without his father?

He has apologized severally this morning but I'm done. He is emotionally abusive on a good day. I can't count the no of times in a day he insults me. He threatens to Kill me and kill himself. My dad doesn't talk to him any more. Let me tell you why.

He didn't have a car at the time, and would go with mine. He was meant to pick the kids up, while I was also waiting for him to pick me up from work. At about 7:30 pm, I called him again asking for when he would get to the kids school and he told me he was busy(Busy here means busy drinking). The school kept calling me, the teachers need to go home. 8 pm, I picked an uber and went to pick them. My phone died and I couldn't charge it till I got home. As I turned my phone on, his call came in and I apologized, that I had picked them up but my phone went off. He said he was in the school and was looking for the kids. I kept on apologizing. He promised to deal with me on getting home. He then called my mum and was shouting at her on phone(he does this regularly). My dad stepped in. He tried to understand the issue. He told my dad, that I disrespected him and that if it was his subordinate in the office( He's in the para military) that disrespected him, they would kill the person and nobody would find the dead body. My dad then said, but she's your wife and not your subordinate. He shouted at my dad and dropped the call.

I go through a lot of emotional stress on a daily basis. I need to leave for my sanity. He's a great father.What do I do about my kids? Matured responses please.

Please please please get a divorce and take your kids with you. I know it’s hard to think about but if you don’t those kids may end up growing without mummy. You are not the first to experience this and some that do don’t make it out alive. Please please leave with both your children and don’t let anyone shame you into looking back.

Please do not marry this useless fellow

ItsTerah:
I know I'm going to get alot of insults from you guys and that's why I didn't use my original Nairaland account for this, but please hear me out and give me good advice.

I'm the kind of girl that doesn't love easily. I don't think I've ever fallen in love before. I have dated just one guy and I broke up with him when he tried to rape me. I'm still a virgin and the reason is because I have trust issues. I know that if I have sex with a guy I'll become very attached and my heart can easily be broken. So I'm waiting for a guy I can trust.

I recently just started dating someone. I'm not in love with him but we've been very good friends and when he asked me out I just had to say yes so that I wouldn't lose him. I've still not had sex with him and I like that he respects my wishes. My boyfriend loves me and although I don't love him equally I've opened up to him about how difficult it is for me to reciprocate love.

Then there is this other guy I just became friends with. I won't lie, I'm sexually attracted to this guy. My sexual attraction to him intensified when he opened up to me about his kinks which are similar to mine. He told me he has feelings for me and likes me alot and can't get me out of his mind. I admitted I am sexually attracted to him but that I don't have feelings for him. I know he is sexually attracted to me and has made advances at me and even asked for nude pictures all of which I refused. But I still talk to him. He knows about my boyfriend and is aware of my situation. Occasionally he flirts with me but I try not to flirt back. I've tried to bury my sexual attraction to him but he is just so physically appealing. I've made it clear that I want to be just friends and he seems okay with it. I know I'm principled enough to not allow him have sex with me I'm wondering if it's safe being just friends with him. I enjoy talking to him and don't want to end our friendship.

Please don’t let the devil into your life. That boy you are lusting after is being used by the devil to derail your life. He is not a good person, he knows you have a boyfriend but still wants you. Not only that his intentions for you is just friends with benefits? You deserve better than that. Please open your eyes and see that breaking off all contact with him is best for you. Focus on building your attraction for your boyfriend and if that is impossible then breakup but don’t keep this bad guy as a friend.

Personally, I won’t accept any man that does not do court marriage. That is just me as a lady speaking. Anyone else can do what they like.

PataAlhaja:
You are definitely not alone.

I learnt heavily pregnant women find it hard to tamba (wash their Nyansh) after defecating because their hand no dey fit reach their anus well well. Besides, I find pregnant women and nursing, lactating mothers very nauseating. Their toto go don scatter badly. Their breasts sef go dey leak water water. E go be like say make I vomit.

By the way, I'm an antinatalist. I'm against giving birth, child-bearing and the vicissitudes that subsequently come with it. The world is over-populated enough. Let's stop giving birth. If you want a kid, you can surely adopt legally.

Laugh won ke me die. Which one be antinatalist again. Too many people with their own wahala for this world.

Is this some sort of rationalization not to take responsibility for your actions?

The only advise I can give is to stay away from that doctor. Don’t sleep with people you don’t love even for revenge. As for the man begging for grades. I am not sure oh. If you can help anonymously but if you don’t feel comfortable then don’t.

Ride on op. Instead of them to listen they are here arguing. Later when their wives are uninterested in sex with them they will come and be ranting about how they are sex starved.

tellsblinks:
please I have plans of marrying at a very young age (25)

but I don't want to sound like a paedophile and I would love to senior my wife with at least 8 or 9yrs

what age is best to marry??

You already sound like one. How can you think of marrying a 16 yr old?

Hmm everybody and their own wahala. Today too fat, Tommorow too skinny , long neck, big head. In fact everybody both men and women are confused.

Sharp girl! Don’t waste your loyalty on Men, they are as loyal as a street dog. If he was in your shoes he will do the same.

Actually , don’t go to jail for killing him. Leave him. If I were you I will turn his children against him so that the idiot will suffer in his old age.

Lol

Lol. What is your business with what she used the money for? She asked and you gave without conditions or are you planning to ask for Sex as a reward?

Theclaaa:
I ave a big problem with my junior brother staying with me this boy want to kill me. It happened that this boy dont want to listen to anything I tell him , he is 19 years very stubborn and lazy , all he does is eating and sleeping , he never help me with my 2 small children 3 and 2 at a time i had enough of his wahala i send him parking sometime last year the boy cried his eyes out begging for my forgiveness , i forgive on one condition he had to prove to me he is now a change person , the boy said ok aunty i will behave , from that time in june till now i have seen some great change in him , he started helping me with my boys because i work and my husband stays in different states , he only comes home once in 3 months , his also has been helping around the house also his stubbornness become less than before.


Las month he told me he got a job at this building sites he will be working mon to Saturday i was happy for him to have something doing even taught i knew things will be a bit harder for me with the kids , i had to look for someone to be staying with my children while i am at work , i ask some friends at work to help me look for a help aged 18 above , i told them no small girls and a friend of mine brought this 11 years old girl for me , i refuse becsuse she was small i see it as child abuse but she said thats the only one she has found for now and when she narrated to me the girl story how her aunty abused her , i was in tears and dcd to help her.

The girl is been staying with us for just a month , i like her a lot very polite she is doing really well , a great sister to my boys and my boys adore her a lot , with this covid19 everybody is home including my brother and yesterday i had to rush to the hospital with my second son because he had convulsions, on getting back home i met my girl crying her eyes out i got worried brcsuse ever since she is been here it was my frist time seeing her crying in that state , i asked her wetin happens, she was still crying holding her stomach, i ask and ask no response from her , i went inside my brother was lying on the sofa watching television, i asked him why is grace crying , he said he dont know , he saw her coming from the bedroom crying and when he asks her she said nothing , i call my girl asking her again the girl has refused talking at that moment i got angry and send her to the room to go and cry more so when she finish she can come and tell me the problem even she has made me angry but i was still worrying about her but she wasn’t cooperating with me and the way that girl cried frustrated me , it made me more angry that i gave her 2 hot slaps and send her out of the house still my heart bled because i knew what i did to her was wrong but her refusal to talk has caused it and the girl stopped crying but did not tell me the causes of her cry.


The rest of day went well, we ate , gist and we all went to bed , me , the girl and my sons both sleep in the same bedroom while my brother sleep in the parlour , at the middle of the night my girl woke me up that she has something to tell me , i checked the time , it was 3 something am , i was like grace go to sleep and tell me tommorow , she said aunty please i want to tell you , i told her to go ahead and this was when my girl opened up and told me everything my brother did to her when i was away in the hospital , she said my brother forced himself on her , he rape her both vaginal and anal i was shocked felt like my heart came out .

i asked her if she is really sure of what she is saying , i gave her a slap to make sure she is was conscious of what she is saying , she said yes aunty and when she removed her panties to show me her private areas , i could see it open , i almost collapsed , i taught maybe it is a dream and i will wake up from it but it was true , the poor girl has been crying for the pain she been throught being rape both vaginal and anal, got angry that i went to wake up my brother hitting him with a broom, he try denying everything calling grace a liar , i ask him what will a small girl of 11 will gain about lying that he has rape her and i started talking sense to him , why would he rape an orphan like i and him .

we are also orphan he knows all the sorrows we had passed through after loosing our mum and why did he choose to destroy a poor girl who went trough a serie of lots of abuse in their hand of her aunty the same eay we did too, after being rescued , she felt secure in my house now he did this wicked acts to her , why did he no go and sleep with prostitues instead of raping the poor girl.

he was crying begging me and grace for forgiveness that he didn’t mean to harm her it was the devil, he cried but i
told him he will be punished for what he did , i will get him arrested he was still pleading i ignored and went to my room locked the door , myself and grace were crying i felt her pain , i told grace to forgive me and my brother i will not send her away , i will protect and take care of her and i told her to keep this as a secret , the poor girl agreed and said she has forgiven him too.

I hate my brother so much that i dont even want to see his face right mow but at the same time , i feel sorry for him because we are orphans he dont have anywhere else to go and i dont want to arrest him but for him to do this evil acts that means even my children are not safe with him. I am in dilemma my head will explode soon because i dont know which is the best way to do, this boy has made me miserable , i cant stop crying , i am writing this with tears , i dont even want my husband to hear this because he will send him packing immediately. Please i beg i only want matured advice because this is not a joking matter please advice me like a sisters please no insult.

If you don’t report that boy to the police. Misfortune will follow you all the days of your life for such wickedness on a motherless child.

Beejaynma:
I married this man 10 yrs ago and i have never enjoy the marriage even for one day. He had nothing when I got married to him because I believe everything will be fine if both of us join hands together and work hard. I wish I married a rich man that is giving me all I want and maltreating me as the one I married is treating me.
Several times I have knelt down to beg him for offence I did not commit just for peace to reign. I hate malice and he likes it alot. He can keep malice for 6months without talking to me. I know I have made the gravest mistake of my life because this is not the marriage I prayed for. I wanted a friend as a husband but God gave me a boss that always see me as subordinate. I don't ask him money even when I know he has numerous girlfriend that he's spending for. He always defend his girlfriends anytime I challenge them. Honestly am dying slowly, i decided to end it all last year by taking poisonous liquid but I survived. Am just so lonely and I don't want to cheat, honestly I don't want to. Am trapped already and he told me I can't take his 2 kids away because I told him I want to go and get apartment. My kids are my life and I can't leave them.
I know there are lots of responsible married people here, please is this what marriage all about

Lol Madam gather evidence of his numberios girlfriends and all the maltreatment and take him to court. You will win custody or at least partial custody.

The girl has no shame anymore. But the guy may not live this down.

Ifesinachi22:
I suffered a heartbreak just yesterday.
But i won't commit suicide because of her.

To even imagine it was still that yesterday that i bought a phone for her. She lost her phone and put her Sim in her roommates 2nd phone. I emptied myself and bought a phone for her. She saw my ex pics on my phone and flayed up calling me many names, a womaniser that can sacrifice anything to have her tight pussy. The thank you she will tell me is that am a womaniser that she's done with me. The insult was too much that i blocked her yesterday. I unblocked her this morning and made a threat that if she leaves I'll release her nude. With this i pinned her down. I love her so much and can go to any length to keep her. Am never going to release her nude. But she calmed down immediately she heard this. She has been seeking for advice on Facebook groups the whole of this evening. I've been seeing her "i need advice" on Facebook groups.

She has been loyal since 2pm that i told her this.

Am the boss

You are emotionally abusive. You will rip what you sow.

Interesting story. People who know more than me come an advise oh.

The is too far na. Teenage years does not last forever

TonyeBarcanista:

Your emboldened is dumb ma!

That the husband is thr head in the home doesn't make the wife inferior human. Headship is about authority and it exists in every cluster including classroom.

I don't think any Nigerian solicited for nor needed your pity/sympathy!

This is a public forum. I am allowed to share my opinion.

Okoroawusa:
All the comments I have seen so far are missing the points the Op is making.

The Op is talking about our society n most of you are commenting about the Nigerian economy.
The pastor raping his daughter is not doing so because of the economy.
The parents paying for special center for their child about to sit for UTME is not doing so because of the economy.
The woman using pressing iron on her maid is not doing so because of the economy.

Also from our comments so far I can see that we are still exhibiting the character that has kept us away from development...the idea that we are not part of the problem but the next man is. So we dwell on blame game n self righteousness.

NIGERIA WAKE UP!!!

Exactly the point. Lets look at our individual actions. After all . It is drops of water that fill the ocean.

A lot of you are heartless. Even in the day to day life, I see a lot of wickedness. You cant feel sympathy or compassion for anyone other than yourselves. Everything we do is for the good or ourselves and not for the pack. Almost everyone I have met with just a little power, be it chairman or office clerk abuses their power. I mean we have a conversation about rape and most Nigerians will make jokes about the victims and act like its not their business. You meet women who are evangelist in the church subjecting their housemaids to unspeakable agony. Crying and praying every day for God to bless you when even if you have, you refuse to bless your neighbor. Everyone is expecting God to use someone to bless them but refuse to be used to bless others. Allowing yourselves to be scammed by believing your enemy is spiritual when you are simply living in the hell you created for yourselves. You contribute every day to breaking the system and then wonder why it is broken. Ask the Average Nigerian man his stance on marriage and he will tell you of a hierarchy where he is the head by virtue of his gender. Completely accepting of a world where he is automatically the head while fighting against the unfairness of being inferior to someone else by virtue of their position. I just had to get this off my chest. Sometimes we refuse to apply the same compassion to others that we do to ourselves. If we want to improve this country we have to start from ourselves. In your day to day life, Take it upon yourselves to improve the lives of those around you. It does not have to be money, It can be simple things like treating your house help with respect and understanding because she is human. Or offering a ride to a person heading the same direction as you. Or donating some of your time to a charity. Or having a candid conversation with your friend or colleague ( Man or Woman) about their mental health. Just do something to help people. If everyone adopts this mindset and puts themselves in other shoes maybe e can actually come together as a group and challenge these politicians

Reach out to an NGO.

I wish I could like this post twice. You are making the world a better place my dear.

Bla bla bla. Leave women alone. Our matter to Dey sweet for una mouth. Have men not done worse? Maybe you should have written this essay on Obi Franklin , or 2face, or wiz kid since they are promoting good things in society . Women this , Women that. Live us alone. Face your front. All that you have to tell us we have heard before. Thanks.

All I can say is court her like the very first time you met. Not just saying sorry. Because sorry does not get to the root of the issue. She feels like you settled for her which you did. But you need to be honest that you did but have found a jewel beyond your dreams. So court her like you know she is a jewel and you are ready to do it all over. Like someone says if she goes in the room follow her. If she is cooking go and gist with her. If she is sleeping rub her back. Make sex much more romantic etc. Just court her again because apologizing is like cello tape to a wound . Does not help it heal. You need to get to the root of the issue with her. Assure her that that is no longer the case

Good

Good

ImperialYoruba:

When they go to Saudi Arabia they obey restriction by Arab.

At home they cant obey restriction by their culture.

What restrictions by culture do you obey? Wishing for others what you will not wish for yourself. You only feel something when injustice has to do with you. That’s why nobody cares when South Africa’s treat the lot of you the way do. You can’t see past your own needs in any situation.

Good development. One small step for curfew one giant step for gender equality.