₦airaland Forum

Polygamy will not solve issues affecting marriage, it will only worsen it.
When he brings in another woman, the issue continues as the other woman will bring her own flaws too.

If you are tired of your spouse, just opt for open marriage, that way, everyone will be happy.

faithfull18:
She did, She tested positive at the beginning and was on antiretroviral drugs, the man's family abandoned her despite knowing their son was the one who infected her.

But you know God is ever merciful, this is one of the cases I saw faith work, God did see her heart and innocence and He came through for her.

This is a true life story not hearsay.

I'm not disputing what God can do, he is that merciful and powerful but hope you know that prolong use of ARVs will make the virus undetectable and the victim would test negative as a matter of fact, the victim may not be able to infect another person during that period.

faithfull18:
I tell you, it's disheartening. I know of a man who gave his wife HIV, luckily for her she survived it, last time she was tested, wasn't found in her system anymore but the man died.

She survived it, how?
She may be negative all along.

I don't really understand what some men want.
I bet he married a much younger woman because he wanted fresh blood with no baggage, now he cheats with an older woman with extra baggage, yuck!. Worst of all he had unprotected sex with her like he knows how many other men are fucking her, God have mercy.

Madam, sorry about what you are going through, it must be difficult.
It's better you zip up for now, relax your mind and give yourself peace, it is not your fault and you shouldn't feel bad. If you still love him and you have forgiven him, fine but i hope he won't bring home HIV next time.
Being HIV+ with fertility issue can make one consider suicide or murder weigh your options properly.

Acidosis:
That's what you get when you marry your ancestor. A friend (mostly a partner in your age group) wouldn't cheat on you with a married woman of 4 kids.

It doesn't matter who he cheats with, even a 29 year old husband would cheat with the same single mother of four while her 37year old husband can cheat with a 22year old woman. Age does not determine the kind of person a man would cheat with.

budaatum:
Women do take on quite a lot of financial responsibility actually.

In the old days it was the woman who ensured there was food on the table while we were waiting for father's yams to grow. It was the woman who made palm oil to sell from the few trees on the farm. It was the woman who sold the eyins and the akuros. It was the womsn who collected the fire wood too. And it was the woman you likely went crying to when you could not get any money from your pa.

But because she does not boast about it, you are here belittling the contribution of the woman to a family as if you did not see mother contributing in your home!

I forgive you!

You even went far into the olden days.
Today, a woman would work and contribute financially and at the same time be the sole handler of domestic chores.

crackkhaus:
Yes it did.
Anytime financially dependent women like yourself who believe men should take care of them still have the guts to call themselves independent, it burns my sensibilities...it so burns

It's an insult to truly independent women who walk their talk.

I just observed you hardly understand things, it's not my fault.

I'm responsible for what i type while you are responsible for how you perceive me, i got nothing to prove to you.
If you try to read me by my posts which is where you deduced I'm dependent you will remain on a long thing. However, you shouldn't be bothered if i am dependent on a man financially or independent, its actually not your business.

crackkhaus:
Lol, I just came across this topic:

https://www.nairaland.com/5673883/fiancee-stopped-picking-calls-please

See Vyolet and type there.... does not want to pay for her own wedding dress but tomorrow, she sef will be forming independent minded contrarian alcoholic woman who does not want any husband's relative in her house.

Go back to my comment and read my opinion on couples and relatives and stop writing nonsense here.

I honestly don't get why the independent minded thing got to you this bad. Is there something you are not saying? Oh, like I mentioned earlier, you ain't ready.

crackkhaus:
Which one is contrary independent mind?
We call them feminists as a form of ridicule, they are actually pseudofeminists, faker than N20,000 Rolex.

Contrary independent woman wey never begin kneel down propose to man, buy her own engagement ring, or sponsor herself and her husband/boyfriend to vacation in Bali...is that one an independent minded feminist?

Make una let us see road jor.

I laugh in my dialect.
Many Nigerian men would never leave a woman do all these, he will feel emasculated, every move from the woman would be termed "arrogance".

You can't eat your cake and have it, you want a woman to do all these and you still expect her to submit to you? You want a woman to take over the financial aspect of the relationship and you still want her be the home keeper?
Stoooppeett, confusion sometimes can be a disease, you want a woman to do things men do then you should begin to do things women do.

I can't be the one to propose to you, feed you, clothe you, sponsor your vacs, give you my body to toss around and you still expect me to take care of the home, you shouldn't be totally useless na.

Op, everyone should work with whatever works for them. We all have varying tolerant levels, what ms A would condone, ms B may not accept it.

Personally, I don't think it's ok for couples to discuss relatives before marriage, every relative especially siblings of couples should be allowed to live with couples for as long as they want, they will not live with them forever. In fact my culture, a little child(boy or girl) is usually given to the couples to cater for with the belief that the child will bring forth their own child quicker, some still practise it while others don't.

However, when such relatives are around, there should be mutual respect, everyone should know their place and I believe a properly brought up individual would know how to behave either as an inlaw or wife.

Marriage is mostly about compromise, it doesn't mean you are desperate, it only means you care for your own peace of mind. You can overlook several things and act like they don't exist, control your anger and keep yourself busy with things that make you happy, most importantly,have it in mind that whoever is living with you currently will not live with you forever.

crackkhaus:
Yet y'all still continue with the 1780 principle that men should provide for you, propose to you, buy your engagement ring and fulfill all the traditional rites (finanancially) associated with marrying you.

If your claim is that women have evolved, then it's probably in confused reverse/forward motion. You people don't quite know where to stay.
1780 or 2020?
All this putting one leg in 1780 and the other leg in 2020, e no dey make una yansh pain una from the stretching?

...yet the women with contrary, independent minds are termed feminists.
You guys are not ready.

Your husband is the problem.
He has written a script and he is executing it and using you and your ex as the cast.
The storyline is what I am not sure about.
He isn't gay though, that I'm sure of but I think he wants you to play into his trap so he can finally dominate you. He may have a fetish as a cuckhold so he needs something to blackmail you with so you can agree to his terms and conditions Either you choose being watched by him while your ex bangs you or he initiate a party with the three of you OR he is simply tired of you but needs concrete evidence to discard you.
You on the other hand isn't helping matter, you still have wetpants for your ex on sighting him, reason you are not comfortable with him being around.

I will advise you that no matter what happens, do not get intimate with your ex, you are not safe.

Every part of the story is included.
Husband's part
Wife's part
Inlaw's part.
Who's side will you be on?

I don't understand why your wife is the one to be blamed, your useless good for nothing sister duped you, she even has a kid with you and she didn't consider that?

As for your kids insulting you, easy man, how did you treat them when things were good for you? If you ever had any cordial relationship with your kids, they will never turn against you overnight.

You lost your self respect the moment you trusted your sister over your wife. We know your type, awon team family over wife, as if your wife and mother of your kids is not your family.

How was your relationship with your wife before now? Answer that in your heart and give judgement by yourself.

Mrzfavour:
It’s a long story can’t even remember my house and no a single contact with my family over there

Why do I think this is another tale from nairaland scam boys?

What do you want to do now? Would you like nairalanders to help you with money so that you can rent a house and start business?

nwanneni:
Yes,but you don't fantasise over sex if you are actively engaged,so much so that one is contemplating cheating.Its stay at home moms that do most of the cheating,trust me.
If she is all that you say at 32,trust me she won't have 4 children.
When did she finish school,serve,find a career,build it and have the kids then?
Or if she owns her own business like you might claim,I hope you know it takes even longer and doesn't tolerate excess baggage for someone that wants to succeed in it,especially kids.
[b]Trust me,successful women that can afford to be independent can't have 4 kids at 32.[/b]It's a trait reserved for careless street skanks or stay at home moms.
If she is the one providing for the family like you say,make I bend!Provide fire.
She said to me and I quote;did I talk to you about "our" finances?bread winners usually talk in the first person singular.
"Our" is mostly used by dependants.
Defend her all you want,this woman makes no damn income,finish!

There are financially independent women, who are 32 with more than 4kids, what faces you may be backing someone else and vice versa, it all depends on people you have met and mingled with.

You are sounding like being an housewife is bad, someone has to keep the home front while the other brings home money, it shouldn't matter who brings in more money but ofcourse, no man would want to cater for the home while his wife goes out to bring money hence the woman always have to be the one at home taking care of things.

Every family has what works for them, there is no standard to how a family should live their lives, a family can work better if both husband and wife work, only the husband works or only the wife works, just pick what works for you and stick with it.
Do note that what you choose to work with is exclusive to you and shouldn't be forced on someone else.

nwanneni:
Of course I know the man(your sole provider) is not poor na,that's why yo have all the time in the world to be hòrny while dude is hustling his head out.
I don't need a soothsayer to tell me you have little to zero economic importance na
They are self explanatory;32 years old,4 kids,always horñy(something a job clearly solves),etc....
You must be out of your mind to think I'm frustrated.
Have a good evening,dear stay at home mom.

It is not out of place for a 32year old woman to have 4kids, it depends on what age she got married or if she has multiple births. There are women who at 32 are already done with childbirth and they even have more than 4.

The number of kids she has does not define her financial status, she may even be the one providing the largest percentage in the house upkeep.

The fact that you have a job does not mean you can't get Hot, it's nature and there's no way you will cheat it.

Madam, you can do away with all sorts of fantasies in your brain, it won't lead to any good.
Talk with your husband and tell him how you want him to handle you, if you didn't mention it, how will he know.
Think of how he will feel if he finds out you desire cunninglingus but you never mentioned it to him. The guy outside will not do it better, he will only destroy you and you will have everything to lose in the end.

Confront him and settle it once and for all. You won't know the truth until you ask.
No matter the outcome, your peace of mind comes first.

You have laid your bed, you need to lie on it. She didn't even hide it from you, she told you everything but you felt you can change her, with what?

As for the baby, there is no way you can get custody for now because she is still little and needs to be under the mother's care unless your wife willingly gives her to you.

Focus on your life, work harder, pray hard, you have learnt your lessons and you will know what to look for in the next woman.
All the best to you.

There are certain things your child would do that you can only correct with cane. He will learn with time, just put the koboko in one corner and flash it anytime he commits an offence.
That number 5 is even scary, whhhaaatt?

If your story is true and that's truly you, there is a solution to your problem.

You write well and you can use that for something especially now that you have access to the internet. Visit nairaland career section, Google other sites where you can use your writing skill to make money, as time goes on, you will develop yourself better. You can do that and you will get paid.

If you can get a piece of paper, write your number and paste it on some walls, advertise yourself, people will call you.

Visit building sites, they are always in need of labourer, you will get money to feed and have little in your pocket.
There are so many things you can do with your hands since you are able-bodied and agile.

Do not take that sniper, dying cowardly is not worth it, there is still more to life.


i believe you are joking about the sniper though, if not,
you won't post a picture here, you would have just swallowed it and that would be the end.

The guy seems genuinely happy, good for them.
May God Bless their union.

How possible is it for him to start moving around with another woman just a week after he regained his sight?
Shouldn't he still be under medical watch or something? This story get a e be to me.

I know this is another woman bashing thread and it is fake, I don't understand how your wife will save a man's name as Sugardaddy when you are not yet dead.

In the event that it is true, yes your wife is already cheating even if it's not physical yet, she is doing it emotionally. (she is wrong in all shade because it will eventually backfire, those two will eventually beat each other after all the I miss you, I love you. )

Now, back to you oga, what did you do to her? What has changed about you since you got married? Have you stopped looking good, listening to her, dressing sexy, praying for her, being romantic? Did you become stingy with your money and dickus at a time? Check yourself very well and see what you are doing wrong.
Go on your knees and pray hard, pray hard, talk to her, beg her so you can save your marriage.

Mr Lactite .
I didn't believe breastmilk turn some men on walahi.
You had better respect yourself and let the young lady be. She is your wife's niece and her blood.
Consider what will happen if your wife finds out eventually, if the girl is seducing you, it's your responsibility to dismiss her.

The wife is always at the receiving end.
Even a man that was badly raised will still shift blame to his wife once he is married.

jeff1607:
first things first, ma'am I don't bask in the pain of others

secondly there are also other people who are happy with their marriage
not everyone is bitter

the said lady made a choice despite the red flags , some get lucky,some don't, but what you want doesn't exist.


You are still a child.

Your sanctimonous response can't hide your bitterness, if you truly believe some are happy in their marriages, you would not say certain qualities don't exist simply because someone else has them. It's not what I want, it's what I have.

I only called your attention to such posts since those types are more believable.

Be happy for others grandpa.

Nawa o, so sex in marriage is now for procreation and not for pleasure.
This OP's beef for married people is something else.

What you will not condone once you are rich, it is better to reject them while still poor, it is an adage.

I would say the woman should continue condoning him since she did that to please him and be seen as wife material by 100yards from the onset.

Something as silly as this shouldn't break their marriage.

BlackSwan:
I don't think I will marry him again.
Ungrateful, selfish, stingy, argumentative, sex is all about himself, not caring at all. Just an all round negative person. Only thing he is good at is conversation and gisting, he can't do good for others without expecting something back.
I am 8 months pregnant and was vomiting and rolling on the floor yesterday and he heard from pallor where he was pressing phone, he didn't want to leave his precious Facebook and attend to me so he just sat there and did nothing. After like five minutes he brought our two years old baby to drop with me in the room and returned to the sitting room to continue pressing phone.

This is someone I have passed through all manner of inconvenience to make him comfortable, I spent all my savings from when I was working before marriage to furnish our house after we got married because he didn't have much. My parents sponsored everything about our marriage and all he did was show up and go home, they were even willing to pay for our flight ticket back home but as of today he doesn't talk to them or even call them, just cut them off th totally. They are the ones assisting me with money now that I don't have s job and am pregnant because he doesn't like to give. Last time I asked for money to buy new clothes he came from work that evening and started venting all his anger on me and saying very insulting words because he didn't like the idea of giving me money.
But his unemployed friend outside was receiving monthly stipend of 20000 from him before the guy got a job, his friend that was living with us for 6 months was receiving daily transport fare and recharge cards from him. While the only thing he gives me is market money and that is after he had complained that the money is too much.

I made a big mistake thinking if I started small with him and helped him grow he will appreciate me and treat me well. He is just a very ungrateful and entitled person.

Millionboi2, TheRedpillguy, Mrtruth4real, Jeff1607, Noblemarce

This is an interesting misery, gladen your hearts boys.