The last time I brought a true life story here I got a lot of amazing answers. Thank you.
Here is another one, people reach out to me for my opinion regarding their situation, since I’m into counseling and sometimes I need the opinions of others. That is why I share this stories here.
A man named Emeka is married to a woman called Sade and they’re blessed with 4 beautiful kids, two boys and two girls.
Emeka, has been an amazing husband for the past 16years of their marriage and Sade too. I’m narrating this the way I was being told.
They both work and their family has been one with few issues just like other marriages. Something strange happened last month and this is about to change their lives forever.
Sade, make a confession to her husband. You’re guessing what it is hmmmmm.
Emeka is not the father of their first child, Emeka found this hard to believe and went out to do a DNA test but it came out to be true and he never suspected her for ones.
Sade is begging and asking forgiveness and everyone is asking Emeka to forgive and not break the marriage but Emeka is in a state of confusion.
He came to me and you can see the level of pain on is face. I asked him a simple, Have you forgiven her and he said Yes. I ask another one, do you see yourself trusting her or wanting your marriage to work? And he went numb asking me what he should do. There is so much to write and I don’t want it to be lengthy.
ZIMDRILL: the story sounds like a nollywood script
but let me expose, a common thing in africans this fear of raising another men's child/children
Most africans take s child as an investment hence raising another men's children is viewed as wrong investment. hence fear they will go back on their father etc, in reality is even they go back you would have shown the kids what is love etc and they will pass it on one day
Point of correction you dont became automatic biological father by adaption but you became the legal parent
It was wrong for Daniel to contact the father, his wife to be is the one who should contact the father and agree or disagree on future of the child. Then Daniel steps to support the wife to be her decision on matter.
As for Daniel's matter its a complex issue most africa mothers prefer a young daugher in law they have huge control over her etc its hard to control someone who has been marriage before or has kids. they know what they want and direction
The other side mother in laws want a daughter in law that brings honour to her etc, a mother of two doesnt appeal for such honour
Prospertochu: Is 4 or 5 years too late to start school? I am asking because my triplets will be 3 years next month I have no plan for all three to start school yet because I am not financially stable i can only afford for one which will not be fair on the other two. I will keep them at home until they are 4 or 5 years. I hope it will not affected them when they start school at 4 or 5 years also what is the best way to teach them at home any books reccomandation and prices please??
you can home school then but this is not easy. There are so good public school you can put them in and follow up, till you can afford a school of your choice.
Kobojunkie: 1. According to the story, the father of the kids does not care to be in the picture at all and this has supposedly been confirmed. So her concerns...aren't really focused on the children but her son hence the reason she goes as far as to threaten suicide.
2. No be the same way the average man go prepare wey this one too go take prepare? Na the same marriage all of them be.
exactly, she just doesn’t want the marriage. The kids father said he doesn’t want them, he had a new family.
cayorday89: You truly understand the mother's concern, she is not necessarily dramatic because of the lady having children, can't say in totality though as that could be hidden in between other reasons she is making obvious but her looking into the future and the troubles that will emanate from the father of those children or even his family coming back to his/their senses to come and reclaim their children and the legal battle that will come after amongst other issues.
My take is that if he insist he should have it at the back of his mind that anything can come up in future and should prepare himself for such outcome.
LIVINGICONREBOR: Some people really get phd for mumuness in this life o. Young man wey just dey start life wan carry another person baggage for him head. Him mama wey get genuine love for am still dey advise am say na express him dey go but the pussy no gree let am see road.
Kobojunkie: No well meaning parent would resort to such foolishness, let alone carrying out such threats. Unless his mother dey already wicked at heart, Daniel should focus on his happiness and allow his mother grow in this.
this should be it but I guess the emotional attachment is coming from the bond he shares with is mother.
Klass99: Sorry I couldn't reply this yesterday. Most people in a perfect relationship wait to do or finish marriage rites by tradition and by God, before proceeding to have 2 kids. Marriage is not bound to happen when dating UNTIL it actually happens!
That perfect relationship you described sounds like it was immoral cohabitation to me, which I don't like because of outcomes like these. The men don't bother buying the cow because the milk is free, they also milk the cow as much as they can and eventually walk away when the arrangement no longer suits them.
Who is going to hold them accountable, when village people never saw dowry, no church ever joined them in holy matrimony and his family members only know you as the long term live-in lover and not his wife? It just hurts!
No offence meant but if I am Daniel's friend or relative I'll ask him to keep it moving.
I don’t support cohabitation until marriage but she made the mistake and already learnt from it but she keeps getting judged for it. To be honest I have met this person and she is wonderful.
Fiscus105: And most MotherS doing absolutely nothing to bring money home, it's fathers that will go out and do all kinds of hard works, to feed, cloth, house and school fees, not only the children but jobless mothers, yet the wives will still have entitlement mentality to turn children against fathers.
those are terrible mothers. Men should learn to relate with their kids more. Communication is key.
knowhowk: Why Would a Right thinking Woman Turn Children against their Father ?
The Home Could be Hectic and Frustrating , Some Men tend to Leave the Home and decides to Live in Isolation .
What Could be the Reasons ? My thoughts Apart from a Human Ritualist Father , Murderer father trying to Kill .I don't think there are other reasons good enough for a Woman to Turn Children against their Father .My Opinion..What is yours ?
Most fathers cause this by themselves. Most men one thinks raising a family is by just providing and not relating with the kids. Check this video out for more details.
Deltablood11: Good day to you all. Please I am some how worried about my 8 months baby that is yet to bring out a single teeth. Is it normal or something needs to be done? Please I really need help. Thank you.
it’s very normal, there I nothing to be worried of. Some babies grown teeth at 1year plus. Don’t be worried.
onumadu: What a mother sees (about other women) sitting down, a son cannot see even if he climbs a tree. BUT, the man is an adult and should be allowed to make his mistakes. My worry is that the girl/woman in question even advised the man to end the relationship, and he is adamant. THAT IS A RED FLAG. Marriage relationships should always be fairly MUTUALLY DESIRED. The girl/woman doesn't need to marry again since she has those two kids. So, she really doesn't need the man per se.
I would find me a "tear rubber" biko!
she loves him but doesn’t want the family to tear apart because of her or the mom gone. She just wants to be accepted but not with division.
NemoDatQuod: I don't know about Daniel, but if my Mum pulls such a stunt, I will ask her to show me where she will like to be buried after she commits suicide. But my mum is the first to tell you that you are now an adult who should make all your own decisions based on the training she gave you when you were still a minor, in addition to your life experiences.
A sensible mother understands that she is not the one getting married and she will not be the one living with the woman. Daniel is an adult. He should make his own decisions and live with the blame or the accolade. The hundreds of thousands of marriages collapsing every year are contracted with single women who do not have kids. A single mother may actually be more mature and help ensure her marriage works. But if it does not work, it will not be because she has kids.
Daniel should be more concerned with whether he truly knows the woman he wants to marry and understands her character and values. So far he is not getting married because what happens in "za oza room" is very sweet, he should be alright. He should also be sure he himself is a marriageable material. Chikena!
he told me how he has found peace with her and how she understands him. He has never felt that way in is previous relationship. I just wish things become easy cause the tension is high and the family is about tearing apart.
Richy4: The ball is in your friend's court.. If he knows how to reach his mother's heart, Now is the time to bring in all his arsenal and persuasive skills...
It sounds like Daniel is from a knitted home...So he should know how to get to the mother's heart.. since the mother knows that emotional blackmail might work on him....
There are some parents who will never try suicide threat before their children because they know their kids will be happy to see them go what are the sex of the two kids OP?...based on African culture, it will be easier if they are female not that it matters though..
he has tried everything according to what he told me. He has even brought aunties and uncles to talk but she bluntly refused because she has kids. She said he mind is mind up, they even set up a meeting between her and the girl’s family she refused. The kids are twins a boy and a girl.
Klass99: Some mothers with extreme drama, emotional blackmail and a manipulative attitude . Always acting like they own you and your life because they gave birth to you.
How did Daniel's girl become a single mother of two? The answer will help me frame my response better but it really doesn't matter. If the single mother situation is as a result of a reckless lifestyle, I'll have reservations too, as Daniel's friend or relative. If it's a case of divorce I won't have a lot of reservations just more of curiosity.
I firmly believe your life is yours to build and not for others to steer in whatever direction they want, so on that basis, Daniel can pretty much do what pleases him or suits him best. On another hand I have reservations about unencumbered people attaching themselves to encumbered ones. But that's just me!
Daniel's mom needs to keep it drama free and competently put her points across, as to why she thinks this may be a wrong move.
You know how most people they’re in the perfect relationship and do everything as couple since their both families know each other and accept their relationship so marriage is bound to happen. That is what happened to her, she was too sure her ex will marry her but he never did and felt she wants to rope him with those kids.
Sometimes mothers instinct might be right but sometimes wrong too. I just don’t want to give a wrong advice due to emotional that is why I put it out here.
chybyke2: The issue at hand is hydra-headed. @OP, you failed to tell us if the woman your friend wants to marry was legally betrothed to the father of her two children.
Your friend's mother is foreseeing looming danger but your friend is reasoning with his third leg. He should sit down with her mother and analyse the pros and cons involved in such a marriage.
Although, he is not going to live with her mother for the rest of his life, the unforeseen resultant effect might consume him if care is not taken.
Remember, those children belong to someone else and their father might come for them tomorrow when fortune smiles on him. At that time, your friend might have spent a lot of money training them.
My advise: 1. Tell your friend to have a round table discussion with his mum on this issue in other to x-ray the grey areas surrounding it if truly he loves the girl. 2. Find out why the lady separated from the ex. 3. If the answer he gets from 1&2 above are positive, he should involve the families of the girl and her ex concerning the children. If the family of the ex and the ex himself are not interested in the children, he should persuade them to sign agreements forfeiting those children. My 2 cents though.
he spoke to is mother about everything already but she has refused to listen.
The father is those kids wants nothing to do with them, he is well to do but already moved on.
She was never married to her ex, they were supposed to be married but I never happened due to some issues and she already had those kids before realizing marriage will never happen with them.
obinna58: Man wants to father two kids while single no kids women plenty, soon the woman go use am care for her kids and dump his sorry ass, the man go die of severe heart pain las las I pity the mother sha
but what if that is not what she wants to do? This is a real life sorry and we should not judge like that, don’t you think so?
Beremx: Why would Daniel’s mother be threatening suicide because his son has found love? So what if he’s in love with a single mother? Our society isn’t fair to single mothers at all. They deserve to be loved
mother’s can be manipulative sometimes to get what they want but I’m scared because I don’t know if she is for real or faking it. It’s a hard decision that is why I put it out here.
A friend of mine (Daniel) has been going through a tough time with his mom and girl friend (wife to be).
Wahala started when Daniel informed is mom about his intention to get married. Only for the mom to find out the woman he wants to marry is a single mom of two(kids). All hell broke loose.
Daniel’s mom has begged him to quit the relationship and kill the idea of marrying her but Daniel has refused and told is mom how much he has struggled with relationships, this is the only one that has made him happy and given him peace of mind. Daniel’s mom is more concern about the issue the kids can cause later in life, Daniel already told the mom how they have tried to reach out to the father of these kids but he wants nothing to do with them, since he already has a family.
The kids are bearing the name of their mother’s dad and once they get married the kids are taking his name. Daniel becomes their biological father automatically.
Daniel’s mom doesn’t want this union. She’s already threatening to commit Suicidal and it’s getting to Daniel as he is not willing to loose is mom and he is also not ready to let go of the love of is life.
The girlfriend has asked him to end the relationship but he’s not ready to. I don’t know what to tell him.
I need your help.
At the end of the day, I have gotten a lot of advice from here to tell Daniel. I will just show him all you guys said and hope he makes the best decision. Thank you all.
horpe132: ... Ehmm, madam creator of life, calm down ma
Sheybi you're not the only one that started the creation process, abeg don't blackmail us...lol .. On a more serious note, alot of Men dont know and understand the changes in women expecialy after giving birth.... .. See ehn, we don't know, our mothers didn't tell us, our sisters didn't write a book abt it & make us read to understand..., Most of us don't understand the psychology of a woman that just birthed , we just try our best with our layman, uninformed ideas & strong heads... ... . We need lots of training & counseling on this issue, we jus form hard man on the surface, but deep down we're tired & confused..... & You are irritated
there are men who are willing to learn and there are some who don’t even care. It’s one thing to not know but want to know and it’s another thing to not give a damn. I have seen a lot of I don’t care men believe. I know what I’m saying.
horpe132: *** It is well, Seriously Men should be compulsorily included in Antenatal... .. Few weeks, few training on how to handle pregnant & nursing mothers Emotionaly & physically.
this is very necessary but people joke about it. Like we’re creating a life.
Family › Re: True Life Story. What Will You Do? by Wittyglam(op): 9:10pm On Sep 12, 2022
