₦airaland Forum

Jadekitana:
I seriously don't give half a fvck not even a quarter fvck to anybody feeling bad about most of my threads. Especially the ones who rant senselessly, I deduce these things from such persons immediately-- troubled childhood, hunger,frustration hence looking for how to vent it out, hardship, heartbreak, lack of love, bitterness, trying hard to be noticed, emptiness, boredom, betrayal, seeking for approval and being turned down, secret admirers too lame to come forward hence result to insults, chronic inferiority complex amongst others! If you see a happy person you would know even from their words.

Excellent recovery.
Congratulations cos you've just taken back the narrative from all these wolves that almost had you.
Shows you're tough, smart and can hold your ground however slim your odds were.
I like that.

n

Fhemmmy:

Fhemmy good morning.
Been an ardent follower of your thread.
Please kindly reach me on 07037274928 between 10am & 4pm, week days Nigerian time.
Need to talk about this baby and indeed other amazing '07 & '08 Camrys in your dealership.
Compliments.

The critics to this govt. should show more compassion - Otunba Buhari
kikikikiki
Chief, you never see anything

luvmijeje:
No dependable intelligence on the Chibok's girls.

PMB 2015

Only if we had acted fast.

Please shut up.
you guys are not getting out of this one.
You promised to #bringbackourgirls. Tell your President to the needful and quit making excuses for future failures

We're still looking for these chibok girls as they may have been scattered in various places - PMB

Same submission Jonathan made for ages but was unduly blasted.

Nigerians have been scammed, that, gentlemen I can confirm. Plus we have an extremely unintelligent President.

EOD.

I am now firmly in the #LVG OUT camp. His selection, his tactics, his blind faith in rooney, his stubborness and his reluctance to make obvious subs to fix his selection error means he should be gone by monday.

Nonsense

.

Like the late great Dele Giwa said, "Nigerians are unshockable!"
I am numb with emptiness. I peep through my telescope I see nothing because the captain of my ship seems not able to tell me where we are headed. I rally for answers I see crew only fawning and dancing over a victory fast fading in memory all the while we sail on to destinations unknown. Wither rocks, icebergs or great and exotic isles I know not. I do hope the captain will awaken before we meet the fate of the Titanic since the previous captains already the hull of the ship had weakened

Please OP don't respond to the poster above me, she can only give you an FTC job

All ye "change agents" that brought this plague on us all may feel the need to hold fire where Buhari is concerned.

Nigeria should prepare for 4 years of acute stagnancy. You voted out a champion of the free enterprise system and voted in a person who believes in a centrally controlled economy. So yeah..

APC!!! Chanji!!

Idiot.s

Read and determine where you and your folks place
Nor let your boss catch you as dey laff o
Have a good afternoon guys.

We have a new president who, for the first time in a long while, inspires confidence in a lot of Nigerians as well as the international community. For the first time in a long time too, many persons are beginning to take our economy seriously and have begun to ask that knotty question: who is a member of the Nigerian middle class? There are several definitions of “middle class”, many of them not valid for our peculiar context. Also, I don’t like all that jargon that economists use. I have therefore decided to explain what this thing called middle class is in Nigeria and which people fall into this category. Forget what foreign economists say. This is the real deal.

1.
In Nigeria, a person who is able to purchase a generator for personal use and run said generator every time power goes off is a member of the middle class. Note that this is different from the group of lower class people who are able to save to buy generators for their small-scale business like hair or barbing salons. Middle class people own a generator at home.

In this category, lower middle class will be people whose generator cannot power all the appliances in the house and have to make crucial decisions like whether they will run the refrigerator or the air conditioner. The upper middle class are those whose generators can carry all the appliances they own and who don’t have to worry about the refrigerator being off when the generator is being turned on. So, in a lower middle class house, you will likely hear someone screaming as they try to turn on the noisy generator: "una don off evrytin?"

2.
Mobile telephony is big in Nigeria. Often however, many in the lower classes have need to say that their “credit” ran out. Some times they send those “Please Call Me” messages. Members of Nigeria’s middle class however are those who never have to tell you “I could have called you but I don’t have credit.” They can afford to top up as soon as their credit runs out. In this category, lower middle class are those who can afford to top up almost immediately but sometimes have to tell the people they are calling: “Please let me go across the road to buy recharge card, I will call you back.” I know many lower class people use this line too. But the difference between a lower class person and a (lower) middle class person is that the middle class person often does go and buy the credit. The middle class person calls you back. The upper middle class person in this category is one who never runs out of credit, because they top up regularly without waiting for it to finish. That is the main difference: lower middle class waits until their credit finishes before running out to buy credit and upper middle class doesn’t need a reason to top up.

3.
I know that we don’t have a big cinema culture, but at least in our major cities, this is one way to know persons who are in the middle class. Middle class Nigerians can afford movie tickets, often for themselves and their families or lovers as frequently as once every week. What differentiates the middle class from others is that they can also afford the overpriced popcorn that is traditionally part of the cinema experience. While lower class people can save and go to the cinema on special occasions like Eid, Easter or Christmas, the middle class person doesn’t need a special occasion to go to the cinema. In this category, the upper middle class people actually avoid the cinema on public holidays so as to avoid mixing with the lower class people who have saved to enjoy this experience.

5.
A middle class Nigerian often has a car. If they do not have a car it is usually because they are saving to buy a really cool car and would rather take taxis than go through the stress of driving a problematic second-hand Japanese car. However, some lower class people happen upon some cash and buy cars like those who are able to save and buy taxis. There are cars and there are cars.

While a lower class person will often abandon their car as soon as fuel scarcity bites hard, the middle class person is often able, albeit through much complaining, to buy very expensive fuel from the black market to keep their car running. During periods of fuel scarcity, the difference between the upper and lower middle class becomes clear. The upper middle class person will experience no change in driving habits while the lower middle class person will do things like stop using the car air conditioner or turn off the engine in traffic or when they stop at traffic lights. On social networking sites like Twitter for example, you will find lower middle class people tweeting about their fuel woes and how much they bought a 10 litre gallon for. Or they will shamelessly put out an SOS asking who knows where they can get fuel. Upper middle class people never tweet photos of their fuel tank during fuel scarcity or celebrate when they find fuel. This is because (a) they are usually connected to someone who can provide them fuel and often never have to queue themselves and (b) they are afraid that if they confess they do have fuel, their lower middle class friends will beg them for some. And there are many in this lower middle class. You help one, they go and brag to all their friends and you find a dozen strangers begging you for fuel. Because yes, no one brags like lower middle class people. To avoid this kind of situation, it is not uncommon for upper middle class people to become hypocrites: join the rest of Nigeria in complaining about the fuel situation without providing any specifics.

5.
Cable television is an important aspect of middle class life in Nigeria. DSTV is one defining characteristic of Nigeria’s middle class. Again, sometimes, a person from the lower class may happen upon some money and buy a DSTV satellite dish and decoder. But often the lower class person will go some months without a valid subscription. A middle class person always has a valid subscription and even when DSTV increases their charges, they will complain and create hashtags to protest the increase, but go ahead and pay. Because they cannot live without DSTV. The difference here between the upper and lower middle class is that the upper middle class person will never complain about subscriptions and will always have the premium bouquet. The lower middle class person changes bouquets depending on their finances. And they always complain.

6.
Many Nigerians try to better their lives, but often, in the absence of real power, they leave matters to God. The middle class, while still cherishing the immense power of God, know the truth in the saying: God helps those who help themselves. A middle class Nigerian is one who knows a person in government or authority who can change the course of events in their favor. It can be admission into university for their children, contracts or the fast tracking of an application or other process or even buying bread which is in high demand from a crowded supermarket. A middle class person prays and then looks for someone who can write them a note that can work wonders. What differentiates the upper middle class Nigerian from the lower middle class are the degrees of separation between them and the person(s) with real power. So, for example, while a lower middle class person may have to go to their uncle who knows an ex local government chairman who knows one of the members of the governing council of a university who can speak to the vice chancellor for their child’s admission, an upper middle class person may have been classmates with the Governor’s wife and can beg her directly to include their child’s name on the list the Governor sends to the vice chancellor for admission.

7.
Nigerians of all social classes love to travel. Yes, they may all be travelling for different reasons, but they all at least try to travel. While many in the lower class may not be able to afford to travel or meet visa requirements, a few do, either smuggling their way to Europe and finding a way to stay illegally or taking the dangerous trip by sea or desert. Middle class Nigerians, however take pride in their travels. They invest in their travels. They talk about where they have been and show off items they bought from abroad.

In this category, one difference between the lower and upper middle class Nigerian is that the lower middle class Nigerian is more noisy about their travels, from the visa application process to talking about the bags and shoes they bought in Dubai. For every visa a lower middle class person has, they have applied for four. They are relentless and throw dignity to the wind until they get the visa they need to travel. If they couldn't get the US or UK visa they will try Malaysia. If they don't get that they will try Dubai or South Africa. And they will keep coming back until the US or UK sees the dozen Asian visas on their passport and gives them that visa. Often, a conversation between two lower middle class persons will consist of sharing tales about visa application or asking each other what visas they have and how long it took them to finally get it. A visa is life for the lower middle class Nigerian. An upper middle class Nigerian however, might have already schooled abroad. Yes, maybe in Cyprus or Ukraine, but to most Nigerians schooling abroad is schooling abroad. So they have gotten the visa panic out of their system. They travel noiselessly and probably post pictures of their vacations just so their friends can keep up with them. The lower middle class Nigerian will turn on their internet location as soon as they leave the plane so that no one on Twitter will doubt their travels or their middle class status. No one fears losing their status like the lower middle class Nigerian. No one brags like the lower middle class Nigerian.

Lower middle class Nigerian conversations typically begin with phrases like:
When I was in London (or Hoostun Tezas [Houston, Texas] or Atlanta or Dubai or Chicago [pronounced Tchicago] or Europe...)
That's not how they do it in London (or Hoostun Tezas [Houston, Texas] or Atlanta or Dubai or Chicago [pronounced Tchicago] or Europe...)


I could go on and on. If you belong to one of these categories and have not previously considered yourself a middle class Nigerian because of some silly criteria from some foreign economist, I urge you to claim it. Claim it and celebrate it. And if you are in the lower middle class, I pray that God blesses you and lifts you into the upper middle class. Because, trust me, there is nothing that the Nigerian God cannot do. He can make one of your friends get into power and help you get contracts that will instantly take you from a used Honda to a brand new Kia or Hyundai. And from that point to real riches, it is only a matter of time, greed and loyalty. God bless your hustle.

Ps. I know this is difficult, but if God does bless your hustle and you move from lower to upper middle class, try; try to respect yourself and leave lower middle class behaviour behind. Like bragging. Or talking about your visas. Or how many times you went for "summer". Or how they do it in London (or Hoostun Tezas or Atlanta or Dubai or Tchicago or Europe...).

Pps. I know it seems like I have bad mouthed lower middle class people. But here is one great side of the lower middle class Nigerian: they are the most generous. Perhaps because of fear of becoming poor or desperation to reach upper middle class, the lower middle class person regularly gives money to beggars, especially those who beg in God's name. They tithe regularly. They will not risk losing any chance to have their hustle blessed by God. Every donation is an investment in securing their position in the middle class and possibly bettering it. God bless lower middle class people.

Credit: @elnathan

Gentlemen,
I just got this.

Dear xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx,



RE: APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT AS A GRADUATE TRAINEE WITH NIGERIA LNG LIMITED



With reference to your application for employment with Nigeria LNG Limited as a Graduate Trainee, we are pleased to invite you for the next stage of the Exercise (Assessment Centre) scheduled as follows:



Date: Wednesday - 8th July, 2015

Time: 8:00:00 AM

Venue: EKO Hotel & Suites

Plot 1415, Adetokunbo

Ademola Street

Victoria Island

Lagos



You will be required to come along with the following:



1. A valid means of Identification (National ID card, Nigeria Drivers’ License or International Passport).



2. A copy of this invite



3. A passport photograph with full face and without glasses (Candidate’s name to be written behind)



4. Original and photocopies of the following:



a. NYSC Discharge/Exemption Certificate

b. Bachelor’s Degree Certificate

c. Birth Certificate



Please Note:



You will be required to be at the venue at least 1hour before the scheduled time.





Kindly confirm your current location and availability for the Assessment Centre Exercise via a return mail on or before 22nd of May 2015, after which we will assume that you are no longer interested in continuing with the recruitment process.



For any enquiries, kindly send a mail to Recruitment.Online@nlng.com with “Graduate Trainee Enquiries” as title of mail.



Yours faithfully,



Recruitment Team

For: NIGERIA LNG LIMITED

dinomcjohn:
Waoh! Hello guys, I am impressed the Aristotelian brilliance and Pestalozzian explication of those who have contributed so far. It only proves unequivocally that there are Nigerians out there who are nulli secundus to any other intellectuals and geniuses in the world.

First and foremost: Let's understand this 0/0 can result in any possibility. That is why 0/0= infinity, that is, the answer is indeterminate.

What the original mathematician did is logically and mathematically correct, even though he apparently displayed what we seemed like equational thurmaturgy along the line. Essential, he was correct and cannot be proved wrong. This means, another mathematicial may say 0/0=14 and may bring in other factors and still correctly land at 14. The possibilities are limitless.

For the rookies, greenhorns and abecedarians who are battling with acalculia ( hatred of numbers or mathematics), please NEVER expect 0/0 to equal 0. it is not so.

Let me also correct the impression of those who think the mathematician got it wrong when he stated thus: (100-100) = 10^2-10^2
= (10+10)(10-10). This is perfectly in line. They argued that -100 can not be -10^2 OR that -10^2 = +100. Whatever the viewpoint they adopt, they are simply operating on a nebulochaotic reasoning and fallacious inconsistency.

Look at it this way (100 -100) = (10^2) - (10^2). Now (x^2 - y^2) = (x+y) (x-y). SIMPLE. Let's not introduce any confusion here. so this gives (10 +10) (10 -10).

All in all, this arguments may not have surfaced at all if people understand that 0/0 = infinity

Thanks.

Dum spero spero, Dum vivimus vivamus. ( While I live I hope. Let us live while we are live)

GOD bless you all.

This is a very brilliant submission gentlemen and should accordingly settle this raging battle of wits.

Indeed, all the foregoing arguments would not have been had we all understood the basic caveat; 0/0 = Infinity. Once you miss it, it is argument to infinity.

Well done Poster

MarvellousGod:
I will pray and fast you get ready soon

Meanyl, who tell you say she never see am? she just keep quiet dey look you

Thanks for your kind prayers though

MarvellousGod:
Lol, kpele..

Propose to your gf, then show her this thread

I fast everyday just so she don't get to see threads like ds
Ain't ready for the long walk yet mehn...carry your wahala go abeg

MarvellousGod:
I will definitely use waist trainer after child birth, the last time I checked online it was 20k..

Heard it actually does work..

Madam the kind of threads you take me to eh, nawa o

The President addressing fuel scarcity issues that is curreently biting hard on the populance

Such a humble and committed President
GEJ till 2019 Insha Allah!

barbiegirl4luv:
Yes my dear. All u neeed is two guarantors, u can got to d nearest sterling bank and confirm.

Nne this your Sterling deal has every feel of a Greek gift coated over it.
Please spill those hidden clauses here as OP deserves full disclosure before taking the plunge.
Meanwhile what's their rate on returns?

Goodluck to y'all today
You have one man less to compete with
Go get the job guys

Mails are in guys
CBT in Lag on the 21st

OkijaAmaka:
The major problem with Nigeria is constant siting on the fence by the yolobas, throughtout the history of Nigeria am yet to see an issue yolobas supported wholeheartedly without sitting on the fence or waiting to see what others said.

During indirect rule, its was a success in the North, a failure in the East but when it came to West it was neither success nor failure, nobody really understood what happened.

Aba women fed up with colonial laws and brought the government down, people were expecting the Western region to do similar thing so that the British will learn their lessons, some were chanting move others were drawing back some refused to even move or drawback.

Ojukwu made it clear at Aburi Accord what he want, Awolowo noded in agreement, he didn't say anything during the meeting only to come back to Nigeria and said if the Eastern region go that Western region will also.

Southern Nigeria went to NC with resource control as one of the agenda, others were singing resource control, yoloba delegates said everybody will control their resources expect oil, lool

Lagos delegates even rejected regionalism.

If you want to protest with them, some will go others won't. While some will be sitting between going and not going.

When Islam was sweeping Africa, Igboland took Christianity completely with little remnants of traditional believe but when Islam came yolobas follow them, they follow christianity and they still follow traditional

Our problem is their fencesitting

OMG!! Classic!!
Many thanks for the history 101 lecture.
I think they've always been for splitting the unity of the southern trinity by taking positions that is at complete variance with the flow and rhythm of the other two brothers.
But going with GMB to spite their brothers takes the cake though.

Desola:
Igbe lenu vendor.

Translation

This post is informed by the learned submissions made by OTUNBA Gani Adams the National Coordinator of the Odua People’s Congress, OPC which is on the homepage of this forum. He said and I quote;

post=30663319:
They are calling for personality change but they are not calling for institutional change. When you said the present structure should not change and you are saying the president should change. If you say Buhari should be the president what of the institutions that have not changed. We went to the national conference to restructure Nigeria, to change the institutions. And the institutions are always more powerful than any individual.

https://www.nairaland.com/2143094/gani-adams-reveals-85-lagosians

A lot of people will, as usual, attack Gani for exposing Buhari. I have said severally here and other fora that the SouthWest (SW) support for Buhari and the APC in the wake of the National Conference (NC) is like shooting one's own foot. SW members of the party are the only progressives in the party, but they are junior partners, and, therefore, eclipsed by the majority conservative Northern faction.

In opposing the NC and, therefore, restructuring, SW members stunned everybody because they are offshoot of AG, UPN and AD, champions of fiscal federalism, which is the aim of the conference. With the NC resolutions at stake, this very election is no more about GEJ and GMB. It is about the route to implementing the resolutions. Just like Gani Adams affirmed, Neither PDP nor APC on its own is or will ever be capable of solving our major problem, which is structural.

PDP in the person of GEJ at least acknowledges that we have a structural problem, and will allow the people's resolutions to be implemented. APC and Buhari have vowed stiff opposition to any form of change to the present retrogressive structure. A block vote by the SW for APC will sentence us to a continuation of the failed status quo. A vote for GEJ and PDP, on the other hand, will be a vote for the opportunity to begin the process of self determination, opportunity for, and responsibility from, all - the politics of ideas and not of personalities.

As March 28th shapes up, we all already know this election will be won and lost in the SW. Once again, the SW will decide the fate of the nation. The last time the zone helped to massively transfer power to the North, that power was abused and was used to forcefully destroy fiscal federalism in favour of the status quo. Thanks largely to SW stakeholders, there is an opportunity to remedy some of the damage and return to a progressive structure. Will the same SW undo the success of the NC? The SW prides itself as a sophisticated zone, and wants change as does other progressive Nigerians. However, change for the sake of change means very little.

Recently, IBB like OBJ, though covertly, have thrown his weight behind GMB, and pledged that their gang of retired generals will support GMB. Neither GMB nor any of the ex generals has articulated one real idea for meaningful change. Real change comes through democratic institutions for strict enforcement of rule of law irrespective of personality. These ex-leaders are the reason we are where we are today. If they did their job while in office, GEJ would not be dealing with development of infrastructure and instruments of fighting corruption; he would be dealing with maintenance and upgrade.

One would expect the SW to push for real change and not cosmetic change, and align with agents of meaningful chage. That change lies with the resolutions, which SW delegates to the confab largely articulated. Buhari and his fellow dictators laid the foundation for today's mess. They are incapable of a meaningful change, and are, therefore, the wrong people for the job.

Cc: Seun, Barcanista, showyourcertificate, Ikengawo, chukwudII, CHM11, Berem, temitemi1

dossypretty:
Well spoken

I love your eyes ma'am

Davide470 kindly do the needful and lockdown this thread as there is already a subsisting thread on the subject.
Thanks

South west sha

jessiecah:
Lol...harry potter freak

I love your eyes.

Ideyontop:
May God have mercy upon you! I see you have lost your sense of reasoning and blinded by your own selfish opinions.

Forget about PDP and APC and open your eyes to the reality on ground. INEC is not ready!

That girl is a lost cause. I think she might be a har1ot in real life. Its just so terrible.
Our people have chronic comprehension issues. Imagine this well laid out submissions is been dismissed with a wave of hand by this sorry apologists.
INEC has once again made a mess of themselves. Its a shame people are not directing their virtuperations at INEC but would instead heap them at the easy target Jonathan. INEC is not ready and that's the truth.
A key take away from what Okupe said is that APC should tell us who stands to gain and who stands to loose as well as how if this election is shifted.
Another important question someone asked and was shouted down is why in 2015 a supposedly PVC that has a micro chip can't be used to vote anywhere in the country as opposed to the norm of voting in the ward you registered.
These are the issues begging to be addressed not some cheap hogwash propaganda being peddled by low lives like Berem and Barcanista