₦airaland Forum

OluwaLina1:
Is My Sister Doing The Right Thing? Please Your Advice Is Needed

Advice needed
Don't mind my typo errors.

My sister cancel her wedding plans all because her husband to~be insists they are going to be living with his mum after the wedding before they will build their own house.

Now,my sister said she won't go on with the wedding plans if he didn't rent an appartment, even if it's face-me-i-slap-you room,she will be okay with it,she won't even mind if the mother come to spend days with them.

Is my sister doing the right thing?

Sometimes, we need to put on our objectivity cap when addressing issues concerning marriage.

Many, especially Christians are quick to jump to quoting bible verses to support their position due to their subjective outlook.

Look, you can have another husband, maybe more than 2, you can also have another wife, maybe even more than 3, but you see, you can never have another mother.

God forbid, if you went stark broke with no dime in your pocket, then you will who know truly loves you. I can bet that if the situation persists for too long, and your wife's endurance has been stretched to the limit, she would dump your sorry broke ass, not all women though but majority of them; when that happens, don't worry, just turn your head and you will see the unconditional loving arms of your mother wide open to receive and comfort you.

In the history of humanity when men have been faced with great battles and vicissitudes of life, look clearly and very well, you will not see the wife around, not even the father, it is the mother that would be there weeping, even if the child is facing public execution.

Love your woman, treat her with respect, take good care of her but never replace your mother with her; always understand and remember what this article started with, "YOU CAN HAVE ANOTHER WIFE, BUT NOT ANOTHER MOTHER".


...and @OP, to answer your question, your sister's decision is neither right nor wrong; neither black nor white, the cup can be half-full or half-empty; the couple should put their current situation in the right and proper perspective and take a joint decision, either to stay or go their separate ways; again, always remember; "Never enter into a negotiation you are not ready to walk away from"

Cheers.

@OP: Please don't beat yourself up and please don't even think of what you have been insinuating indirectly, it's never an option, please.

The deed has been done and there's nothing you can do to reverse it. You lost N600k, I lost millions of naira in time past, the only difference between our cases was that the lost funds were entirely mine.

Don't you ever tell your mother or that guy what really transpired, that would be the greatest mistake you would ever make, far weightier than you losing the money through sports betting. None of them would ever trust you again for the rest of their lives, especially your mother. Trust is a very fragile emotion, once broken, it's gone for life except God intervenes.

That said, please understand that the toughest moments of our lives bring out the best in us. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. You never can imagine what you can do until you get to a point in your life when your back is up against the wall and that's the exact point you are right now.

Take a chill pill, relax, pray, think, think, think, think and think, there's always a way out of every bad and challenging situation. This would not kill you, 5 years from now, you will look back and find how you wriggled out of this situation extremely amazing. Think bro, then act, you will make that N600k, there are a thousand ways to die, there are also a thousand ways to live.

This too shall pass but whatever you decide to do, my number one advice is never tell your mum, don't you ever.

I wish you all the best

Na wa o, guys didn't even let the intended parties (ladies in the diaspora) express themselves, next thing is the firing of email addresses, can Buhari be responsible for this too?

vivypretty:
Stop saying 2 weeks in marriage and his already dishing out marriage tips. There are people who didn't last up to 2 weeks before going there separate ways, besides the unmarried folks can learn that marriage gives you a guilt free *** experience, if nothing else.

LMAO, who told you guys feel any guilt, most guys, excluding me don't, my dear, that married guy must be some sissy.

Brachaa:
Marry your friend!!!! There's nothing like it. I miss my ex. "*wish I married you max** it would have been fun all the way.

If you guys are friends, anything but cheating goes. Even farting in each others presence won't be an issue. You turn it to scores. I remember the day my ex farted so loud and I told him I didn't like it and he said i should answer him Sir whenever he farts. like seriously?? .. an MD of a Hotel for that matter. So I said ehennn.. let the game begin and he jokinly said look, if you try it, Mme gbu gi egbu lol... And we both laughed it off. You know? That kind of freedom with your spouse. Not someone who so uptight and takes every little thing serious like Hitler.


Oga continue to enjoy your marriage.

Nice one.

Interesting.....so what happened? Why did you guys break up?

@OP: Thanks for sharing, I'm sure a lot of young people would find the article interesting.

Thank God they paired Barca and Bayern....coast cleared for us (Man City), at least for now .

Orpe7:
Many doctors still having unprotected s*x
Just like Mechanic wey suppose know danger of petrol go dey light cigar near am
Or electrician touching naked wire with bare hands

Na over-skill dey kill monkey, make dem kontinu.

Amotolongbo:
The pharmacist was asthmatic, yet he could not keep off from alcohol and smoke.

So ironic that those who understand the rules of healthy living are also the ones flouting it

Exactly. You see many medical doctors smoking like tomorrow nor dey...

MrBrownJay1:
... its also not sustainable for them to bank on ONE player. they put the whole fate of that team on CR7....they put their whole fate to win the Champions League on CR7's shoulder, while the dude can never bring them the trophy (unless they have the same fantastic team behind him as he had in Madrid)

CR7/Messi etc are great players but without a top team behind them they are USELESS. thus the reason why Argentina hasnt won any worthy trophy with Messi either.

Baffles me why the Argentines have failed to win the world cup in recent times despite boasting top-notch players including the world's best. I don't think their challenge is putting their fate in Messi, their problem is just unfathomable.

Awoleesu:
I find this very pathetic, especially given your economic condition, your In-law's age, and the peculiar nocturnal inconveniences you cited! May God bless you financially so that your generosity will make more sense...

While we await an answer to the prayer, I'll like to counsel you to try out the following:

1. Get your squatter a job! any job! cleaner, daycare assistant, sales girl anything! It is called empowerment. I suspect she's unemployed and that's why at her age she still hangs on you (her sibling).

2. Once you help her land a job, next is to encourage her to socialize wide... take her to parties, let her participate actively in young peoples communities/fellowship... this will help her build self confidence, and possibly get hooked up...

3. If point 2 above is successful, then Eureka! You may have just succeeded in politely getting her off your night rendezvous... But if that proves a bit difficult, you guys have to encourage her to get her own room (even if it is in your compound)! Ask her how much she has, and reimburse her if the amount is not sufficient to rent a room.

Once she can rent a room, it's up to her to figure out how to pay subsequent rents...that's how everyone else too rolls inside this struggle!

All the best Man!

God bless you for this great piece of advice bro.

Madmancomment:
Normal Yoruba style


Dirty people

No one should be suprised at your comment. Your moniker says it all.

donoso:
Nigerians are now Americans because of Donald - Biden electoral feud.

Analyse America electoral college and pay attention to other international news outlets .... Do not base your analysis on only CNN.

CNN = Democrats.

Funny thing is, many Nigerians keep supporting Trump; the same man that insults them at every opportunity, even banned them from becoming migrants to the US. Don't understand how people fall in love with their slavemasters, stockholm syndrome I suppose.

bbbabes:
This is a very hilarious moment a White groom couldnt but make the entire guest laugh on his wedding day to his Nigerian bride of Yoruba origin.

In the clip, the groom was asked to utter some statements in Yoruba language, which he failed woefully.

At a point he was asked to carry his bride, which turned out to be a disaster. They both fell to the ground.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-g-Ldua57I

This is so lovely and hilarious...we wish them a blissful marriage.

Very insightful, @OP: Thanks for sharing.

Coldie:
African leaders are proud that their citizen's are low paid nannies to white people why white citizen's are high paid expatriates in Africa.


Africa who do us this thing

Don't always put every blame on your leaders.

You are not well educated and travel abroad, what kind of job are you hoping to do and where do you expect to work? As a medical doctor in a specialist hospital?

So people gather like this in large numbers and your Uncle in Aso rock and his cohorts cannot locate them? God bless Nigeria.

Beey:
If you change your surname, you may have to change name on other documents as well. The biggest of all is DNA. Just prey they don’t request a DNA like US embassies do sometimes.I hope the UK are a bit laid back and won’t request a DNA test.

Nice one.

@OP: You can choose to play all the pranks in the world but if it ever gets to this (DNA), just know that you are scr*ewed....Think very well before you act.

Nemere2020:
http://saharareporters.com/2020/08/05/breaking-security-operatives-shave-revolutionnow-protesters-hair-knife-broken-bottle

They should continue, shebi their own children are not Nigerians and hopefully, their children's children will not be Nigerians. People are demanding good governance in a peaceful protest, you are there harassing them as if it is not for the good of you, your family and future generations. They should continue, their slavemasters have settled their own generations unborn, they are there fighting against the good of their own generations unborn because of the food on their table today, I can see they are wise...Kontinu.

Let’s even assume these 880 “repentant Boko Haram members” do not have direct access to Shekau, so not 3, not 2, not even 1 of them can reveal the location, whereabout or itinerary of one or more of their leaders who are key men in the chain of command, through them, the Nigerian authorities can then track down Shekau.

It only took an “unrepentant” Judas to track down Jesus Christ, how much more “880 repentant” men. Let the circus we term ‘leaders’ continue, we are all watching; someday, it would get as close to them as to their bones (maybe a child, daughter, son or wife), then they would cry in pains, bite their finger and wish they had been humane to their countrymen.

Sensini123:
Are you telling me that you don't know Atalanta football club in Italia Serie A?

Please take time to read my post very well and juxtapose it with the person I quoted.

laoludavid:
God bless your wisdom
Pls can we chat privately I need your advice on a dilemma I find myself
I will send you a Dm

Thank you very much for the compliment.

I like to keep my privacy intact inasmuch as I would like to give my advice. Like others usually do, I suggest you create a new moniker and state what the issue is. We can all then respond to you as done for the OP.

Thanks.

UDUJ:
Maximum respect. Very lucid and thorough. I love seeing brilliant minds on this forum. Respect

Thank you Sir.

WomaninherPrime:
Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

I'm a young woman in her mid-20s. I've been in three relationships so far... two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn't last beyond 6 months.

I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn't compatible. But the problem is that we're still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he's working on how we'd have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.

This has put me in a very confusing situation because I'm unable to move on while he's still holding on for us... and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I'd just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.

To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..

Nedu is a very great guy... has everything I want in a man, but he's having some financial challenges right now. He's cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern... he doesn't seem like he'd be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend's or neighbour's... Or I'm thinking of cooking stuff to take to him... but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can't be a support system to me at the moment...

There's also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I've refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I'm still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he's with me, just to impress, but maybe he's real. While I don't like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I'd see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.

There's Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man... and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes... he wants to get married in a minute, but I'm still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he's from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he's a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn't seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.

Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I'm in a relationship, but I'm unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I'm not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn't perfect, but we've come a long way, and we love each other, and we've come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I've become impatient... I feel like I'm at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I'm holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people... at that time, one year of my life would have gone by...these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman's hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I'd love to be married by next year.


Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn't have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don't know ...God is a merciful God, yeah...But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can't go into any careless relationship, and now I can't choose.

I'm honestly confused �.

@OP:
This your matter na real case study, couldn’t help but smile whilst reading other people’s comments but it is a serious matter that should not be swept under the carpet; at least that is why you have spoken up, so I’d try to give my little cent briefly.

Guy 1- Dubem: Let go of the relationship, the incompatibility in your genotypes will always rear its ugly head; why go through unnecessary stress?...and like you rightly mentioned, he could wake up one day and make a big deal out of it, citing his family as an excuse.

Guy 2- Nedu: To me, this seems to be the right guy for you and I’d like you to give him a chance. You see, a man that does not have money today can have tomorrow as long as he is ambitious and not lazy, forget about the hallucinations of other ladies, saying that they cannot date/marry a poor guy, blah, blah, blah. You can make money at any time; you can also have money today and lose it tomorrow but you see, those other qualities he has, my sister, they are very hard to come by.

Guy 3- Victor: This guy is arrogant; you will have issues with him later in future should you become more successful than he is. I can see you have great academic ambitions; this man will be intimidated and might make your life miserable. The misery would quadruple if you dare make/have more money than him.

Guy 4- Denver: I don’t have an issue with him having just an HND or not being in the corporate world, he is a businessman and can ‘blow’ tomorrow but my concern with him is that he is putting you under pressure; please take a walk, never marry anyone out of pity or pressure, you will regret it.

Guy 5:- Bright: Leave bright out of the picture, he is an unserious serial cheat, more of a playboy roaming around probably looking for whom to devour, such people can be on a revenge mission for rejecting their previous advances.

These are just my opinions, please pray to God if you believe in him, I do anyway; he (God) knows your future, I don’t, he is therefore in the best position to guide you.

Wish you all the best.

@OP:
This your matter na real case study, couldn’t help but smile whilst reading other people’s comments but it is a serious matter that should not be swept under the carpet; at least that is why you have spoken up, so I’d try to give my little cent briefly.

Guy 1- Dubem: Let go of the relationship, the incompatibility in your genotypes will always rear its ugly head; why go through unnecessary stress?...and like you rightly mentioned, he could wake up one day and make a big deal out of it, citing his family as an excuse.

Guy 2- Nedu: To me, this seems to be the right guy for you and I’d like you to give him a chance. You see, a man that does not have money today can have tomorrow as long as he is ambitious and not lazy, forget about the hallucinations of other ladies, saying that they cannot date/marry a poor guy, blah, blah, blah. You can make money at any time; you can also have money today and lose it tomorrow but you see, those other qualities he has, my sister, they are very hard to come by.

Guy 3- Victor: This guy is arrogant; you will have issues with him later in future should you become more successful than he is. I can see you have great academic ambitions; this man will be intimidated and might make your life miserable. The misery would quadruple if you dare make/have more money than him.

Guy 4- Denver: I don’t have an issue with him having just an HND or not being in the corporate world, he is a businessman and can ‘blow’ tomorrow but my concern with him is that he is putting you under pressure; please take a walk, never marry anyone out of pity or pressure, you will regret it.

Guy 5:- Bright: Leave bright out of the picture, he is an unserious serial cheat, more of a playboy roaming around probably looking for whom to devour, such people can be on a revenge mission for rejecting their previous advances.

These are just my opinions, please pray to God if you believe in him, I do anyway; he (God) knows your future, I don’t, he is therefore in the best position to guide you.

Wish you all the best.

sunshineV:
OP wtf is "atalanta"?

Atalanta is a very small island near Atlanta in the US, it is renowned for trade in diamonds, ...my friend, will you please put Google to good use.

Kriss216:
There's nothing like a Repentant Boko Haram fighter!
Terrorists don't repent! A repentant terrorist is a dead terrorist.

Very simple fact but hell NO, this regime would not listen....if it's another part of the country now, na python go full everywhere dey swallow people, nonsense.

Racoon:
https://www.dailytrust.com.ng/buhari-has-delivered-on-all-campaign-promises-gov-bagudu.html/amp?__twitter_impression=true

It shall not be well with you Bagudu or whatever your father named you, for this blatant lie.

@OP: As confused as you seem to be, you have stated your concerns as well as proffered the solutions in your posts. Please read them carefully, you will see the solutions in all you have written but let me help you a bit:

-How can you get married to someone who has stated categorically that she cannot stay with you when you are financially handicapped? No one prays for misfortune but life happens and it could swing towards anyone. She has told you in advance that she would dump your sorry ass when the roof comes down.

-How can you marry someone when your instinct is telling you "No", instinct sometimes is the voice of God. Don't marry anyone if your 'mind' tells you not to, why?...because when the going gets tough, you would wish you had made the right decision. Picture two medical students, one had the ambition to become a medical doctor against his parents' wish, the other was forced to study the course by his parents, when the going gets tough, who do you think would stand the test of time?

-How can you marry someone you believe brings you misfortune? Even if this assertion is not true, that belief alone is enough for you to back out.

I can keep mentioning more, but again, please go and read all your posts very well, therein lies your solution.

Wish you all the best.

Wow, so that gentle looking camel can be vengeful and some people would ride on its back as if it nothing dey happen; ok nah, now we know. Nice compilation OP, thanks for sharing.