₦airaland Forum

Tasha7:
Hello, I am a black woman born and raised in North America and married to an Igbo man. We have been in a long distance relationship for the majority of our relationship. We got married almost 2 years ago while still long distance and he recently immigrated to Canada in Jan 2020 under the spousal sponsorship. He has a wonderful bond with my mother and sisters. (my father has passed). I have met his family and we get along very well.

Everything was going well until I was looking up something in the search history of the laptop we both share and stumbled across emails he had recently accessed. Please note, I could not read the email itself, I could only see the subject lines in the search history. I will attach pictures if possible. It wasn't a normal email account like yahoo or Gmail. It was from a website called: Roundcube webmail. I had never heard of it before. Anyway, there were a bunch of emails forwarded from a hotel in Istanbul where people were being asked to pay their outstanding hotel bill (unfortunately I didn't take a screenshot of the hotel stuff). In addition to that, there were emails to 2 different women (named Wendy and Elizabeth) with the subjects: re: Thank you for written, re: back from customs baby, re: I am so happy our paths have crossed re: I am writing you with much sadness in my heart etc. I will try to attach the screenshots I took.

Lastly, within the same search history, my husband seemed to have been looking up songs like: 'what songs make a woman feel confident about herself' and 'what if I never get over you', and 'songs that make a woman feel beautiful'.

I confronted my husband that same night. It was 2am. He was already sleeping. I woke him up bc I wanted to catch him off guard. His explanation was that his friend in Cyprus had a bad internet connection and asked him (my husband) to look up something in his friends email account. He insisted that he had no idea what his friend was up to, as it was none of his business. In the process of me confronting him, he grabbed the laptop from me and deleted the search history. I told him that was making him look real guilty and I started packing my things to leave. He pleaded and insisted it had nothing to do with him, it was his friends email account blah blah blah. I wanted to believe him but some things just didn't add up...like why was he looking up those songs if he was just checking his friends email for him? His only saving grace was that the subject lines were written with poor grammar and my husband has excellent English speaking and writing skills.

Fast forward a few weeks later, my husband left the bathroom to put out the garbage and accidentally left his phone in the bathroom playing music. This is significant because he has never parted from his phone from the day he arrived. He sleeps with his phone beside him. He showers and uses the bathroom with his phone beside him. When he cooks, he keeps his phone beside him. The day in question, I went into the bathroom and locked the door shortly after he left the bathroom. Side note: I only lock the door bc sometimes he jokingly sneaks up on me to scare me while I am in the shower, so to avoid being snuck up on, I sometimes lock the door. I digress. I commenced using the bathroom when I noticed that hubby left his phone on the side of the bathtub with Nigerian gospel music blasting. I was shocked! It was the first time he was separated from his phone! I didn't touch his phone and started using the bathroom. Within 15 seconds, my husband started knocking on the door saying he really needed to use the bathroom and wanted me to open the door. He was saying he really needed to pee. I asked him to hold a minute, because I was on the toilet. He said he didn't believe me and then things escalated from there. He started pounding really hard on the bathroom door, demanding that I open the door because he really needed to pee. He was eventually pounding so hard and yelling to the point where he started to lose his voice! I was freaked out! I told him to hold on and I would be done in a minute! But he wouldn't listen and eventually broke open the bathroom door by force...there is literally a large crack down the bathroom door now. I was shocked. Beyond words. Once he broke down the door, he quickly did a scan of the bathroom and saw his cellphone was right where he left it. I didn't touch it. Then he was more calm. He then reiterated that he really needed to pee and went into the shower, pulled the curtain and turned on the water.

I started freaking out. I started yelling telling him that he was a liar and if there was any doubt in my mind he was hiding something, I need not doubt it anymore! He broke down the bathroom door NOT because he really nedded to pee, but because he was so terrified I was going to snoop through his phone! Of course he denied it. He was saying that if that was the case, the first thing he would have done is grab his phone. I responded saying that he's not stupid, if he grabbed his phone first, it would have made him look guilty. After that blow up, we stopped talking to each other for days...

And here I am today. If anyone could provide me insight into what is going on, I would be so appreciative. What is this hotel stuff and what are these msgs to multiple women? I am thinking he may be involved in a 419 scam or his friend is a yahoo boy....but why is he using such poor grammar when he speaks and writes excellent English?

I am so stressed over all of this that it is literally consuming my every thought. My husband only denies everything and gets defensive then ignores me if I keep pushing for answers. Outside of this incident he is incredibly loving and affectionate and treats my mother so well. He cares so much about what she thinks of him.

I have turned to this forum with the hopes that someone would have more insight into what is going on. Thank you so much to anyone who has taken the time to read this very long post and respond. I truly appreciate it. Again, I attached photos, but scratched out names just in case.

Thank you,

Tasha

Apologies to everyone for quoting this long post but I just had to, to get the OP's attention.

@OP: You've got every right to be suspicious but as a man, I can tell you for free that any dude that pays so much attention to not hurting you deserves some more love and attention. He clearly loves you and doesn't want to hurt you. He also loves your mum like you mentioned.

Forget the hide and seek you think he's playing, someone who doesn't care about you wouldn't give a s*it....to h*ll with whatever you discover.

Get closer to him, get him to tell you his concerns or fears and communicate more, that way you'd build a lasting relationship.

I wish you both all the best.

Regards.

@OP: You haven't even bought her a car yet and you are complaining. It's best to always finish what you started, just endure more for a while.

When you are done, explain everything that transpired between both of you to a close family member, preferably your mother or elder sister and be certain to get the best advise.

We wish you all the best.

davillian:
I understand women don't like each other
The only thing they do is compete and envy each other....
She had a child in 400lvl meaning she got pregnant and decided to keep it though her friend felt its not the right time for her to be a single mother....
This life, never laugh at anyone present conditions or predicaments
Who knows table might turn sooner or later.

I have a friend who was unable to have a child 10yrs after marriage I know what she went through the abuse, the insults, the stigma etc
It got so bad she can't play with other peoples children because they call her mami water because she is so beautiful with clean skin.
I can't count how many times she cried on phone, how many times she felt like running away how many times she felt like killing her self....
Its not like she was one loose girl she married her husband as a virgin...
God did it for her last year she named her son after me...

Reason I don't look down on anyone is that no one knows 2moro.

...named the child after you? why?

How are we sure you are not the father of that child.

ubunja:
Women open legs, Men open hearts. That's the summary of everything.

When your mother told your sisters to close their legs when dealing with men, your father must have told you the male version of that message: to close your heart when dealing with women.
Because men chase pussy; but women, they chase hearts. Not dick. And here is the heart they're chasing:

A MAN'S TRUE VIRGINITY.
If a man has no love to give that's the man whose love women want. If a man has no emotions that's the man whose emotions women want. Women want what they can't have. It's the reason "Emotionally Unavailable" men have such a pull on women.

Women know the Ice Cold Man, with zero interest in romantic love, if his heart can be jumpstarted, he will be the truest most affectionate of all romantics. And women will go to any lengths to jumpstart such a heart.

Such a heart is no different from the unfvcked pussy of a virgin with its hymen intact. In other words, THIS is the male virginity: A heart as cold as an iceberg. Never before touched by a woman. It's priceless.

It is the Gospel truth of dating; that women view the Player as a kind of a Virgin in the sense that his heart is sealed. Unclaimed. Unopened. And they all jostle to take it. To be the one to "change" him. To tame him.

WOMEN OPEN LEGS, MEN OPEN HEARTS.
In other words, a Woman's heart is between her legs and a man's Dick is in his chest.

A woman expresses his love for a man through sex. By opening her legs, she's in fact, opening her heart. For between her legs lies her heart. For women sex is emotional that way. But a man doesn't express his love for a woman through sex. And he doesn't lose his virginity through sex either. A man loses his virginity through falling in love for the very first time.

A man's first Love is as memorable and as impossible to forget as a woman's first Dick.

This is hard to understand for women because of men's singular obsession with sex. But almost every guy will give up all the sex for another chance with his First Love. Just as almost every woman, despite chasing love up and down, will give all that love up for another chance with her First Dick.

Now imagine a guy getting his First Love from a girl getting her First Dick. Is there a stronger union of two people than this? You now have an idea of the formidable forces that drive Virgins to Bad Boys.

If you're a girl ask the guys you know about their First Love and see how dreamy and nostalgic they get.

Even some men don't understand this about their First Love. But they're proof of it.

Guys, between the girl who was your first love and the girl who was your first fvck who do you remember most fondly? I can bet a million dollars Its the girl who was your first love. Your first fvck is forgettable because you went on to fvck sweeter pussy. But that first love...... God Jesus!!!. I bet you measure ALL girls by that first love. And that's the reason women chase hearts not Dick. The heart that has never known love is the only heart worth chasing. Which makes girls give their virginity to Players and Virgins marry Bad Boys.

This is something that really screws with men's heads because they can't understand it. Why women will clamor 24/7 about needing love, but proceed to ignore men pledging everlasting love, only to chase after Cold Hearted Players and Bad Boys. Women want what they can't have. The love they crave and make so much noise about, they want it BUT from those men not willing to give it. That's the twist in the whole story.

OPEN HEART VS CLOSED HEART.
A Guy doesn't play hard to get by refusing sex, he plays hard to get by having sex but refusing to fall in love because what women want from men is not sex, but love. Not the dick but the heart. Mr Hard-To-Get gives the Dick but withholds the Heart. The very Thing women are giving him sex for.

Which is the opposite of what a Nice Guy does. A Nice Guy spreads his heart wide open for all women, like a whôré spreading her legs. A woman who can't keep her legs closed is a Slut. A man who can't keep his heart closed is also a slut. A dirty, degraded, cheap and easy slut. His borehole heart is as wide open as a slut's borehole pussy. And just as a slut's pussy comes loaded with STIs, the Nice Guy's heart comes loaded with STIs. Of the emotional kind:

No one, in the history of the World, has broken more promises, given more false hope, disappointed more, under-delivered more, raised more expectations only to dash them, more than the Nice Guy. Women, when dealing with a Player, know what they're dealing with, where they stand and understand no woman will ever own him. They can only own his dick temporarily.

But the Nice Guy is a manipulating chameleon. He's a ShapeShifter who takes the form of your wishes and desires and becomes what you've been searching for: A man who finally understands female emotion. And he'll be 100% yours. Until the next woman gives him attention. Then he'll be 100% hers.
The Nice Guy's heart is never yours. It's just your turn. This way, He has broken more hearts than a Player ever will.

The only consolation women have, in taking loses from the Nice Guy, is that the Nice Guy's game is the Emotional Game (hence he brings emotional maladies). This means with all the hours and energy spent scheming, vexing and pretending, he actually gets very little sex.

MEN CATCH FEELINGS. WOMEN CATCH DICK.
Players play sex games, women play love games also known as mind games. While the Player screws around with women's bodies, women screw around with men's feelings.

Sex is a Game and whoever catches feelings loses. Love is a Game and whoever catches Dick loses. Men chase sex and they lose the moment they get Emotional. Women chase love and they lose the moment they get Sexual.

As a man, Whatever you're doing with women, as long as your heart is not involved, you're winning. You'll lose the day you catch feelings.
As a woman, Whatever you're doing with men, as long as your pussy is not involved, you're winning. You'll lose the day you catch a Dick.

AN OPEN PUSSY IS THE EQUIVALENT OF A BITTER HEART.
As a man it's tempting to want to believe you're the victim because the whôrés broke your heart. Your precious little heart. But your heart was broken because your were CARELESS with it; opening it for every and all women. Just like a woman's pussy is ruined when she opens it for all and sundry.

As a man, to survive, your game has to be uncompromisingly physical, like the Player's. With no hint of emotion.
While as a woman your game has to be unrelentingly psychological, like the Virgin's. With no whiff of pussy.

Virgins, truly feminine virgins, have men chasing them, buying them phones, clothes and even homes; not to speak of paying their bills - to earn the honor to be the First. Which means in the end virgins get the same things other women get from men BUT WITHOUT HAVING SEX with men. Virgins get, using their Mind, what other women get using their Body. That's strong Game.

You don't believe? Do tell: Between a poor man and a rich man who values virginity more? The Rich Man! That's why virgins are auctioning their virginity for millions. And why do rich men value virginity while poor men can't be bothered? Because Rich Men, like Players, GET A LOT OF PUSSY. And all pussy has become the same to them. And a hymen is about the only thing left that's thrilling about a new pussy. Unlike poor men who struggle to get just a single pussy to call their own.

Virgins and Players understand the Game. And they play it to win it. They only lose when they face each other because that's when they break the rules of engagement.

When a Player and a Virgin meet; an Unstoppable Force has met an Immovable Object.

What happens when a Player, stingy with commitment, meets a Virgin, stingy with sex? What happens when a man with no love to give meets a woman with no sex to give?

Wonders and Miracles!

For the first time the Player PAYS for the sex, with his heart. While for the first time the Virgin PAYS for the love, with her pussy. Now these two, having given each other something they have never given others, develop a bond that is unbreakable. That is for life. Hence Players and Bad Boys marry Virgins.

But sometimes it goes sideways. Especially for the Virgin. If the Player refuses to be converted to Mr Romantic, then the Virgin's sacrifice of virginity is in vain. Disappointed and disillusioned she becomes just another cheap ho (Good Girls become Bad Girls because Bad Boys don't treat them right).

Just like it went sideways for you when you gave your heart to whôrés who trampled on it, broke it to a thousand pieces and threw the pieces back to you, leaving you extremely bitter.

If men don't like dealing with an overscrewed pussy that has become tasteless; women also don't like dealing with an overscrewed heart that has become bitter. Men ask a woman "Why are you so loose?", Women ask a man "Who hurt you?".



So, For the love of God gentlemen!! CLOSE THE LEGS OF YOUR HEART!!! wait for Ms Right.
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# TheRedPill
# MGTOW

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PUSSYHOE

Sometimes I wonder how you get to write these articles...you must be an unsung genius outside of Nairaland.

More power to your elbow.

Cheers.

heed101:
Hear yourself. Have you heard of banks that are too big to fail in Nigeria? Now go and do your research and come back to modify the crap you wrote up there

No company in the world is too big to fail.

LuQuLuQu:
Stop quoting me cos the guy has modified what he wrote there before it hit FP.

If you don't want to be quoted, then don't make a post. This is a public forum.

LuQuLuQu:
You said you earlier worked with an international college and they folded up? Do schools fold up?

International coporate training company, he said.

...and by the way, YES, a school is a business and can fold up if not properly managed.

Offpoint:
You broke the rules of the game *Never choke your chicken to death, once it puke let it breath*
. You've damaged nerves on your Dickson, see a good surgeon to help operate on you and restore your chicken back.

Jesus heals a lot of things, I don't think Jesus will heal unmarried dick no matter how genuine your repentance is... You may relapse if he heal your dick.
Pray your lost glory to be restore, but your dead dick will have to wait after you marry before Jesus will look into it.

You should be glad your dick is temporarily dead, you don't know how lucky you are and the troubles God had saved you from.

In my opinion, a simple guy without a functioning dick is the most blessed human being on the planet. 98% of our problems as men is our dick.

You are not well, aswear

Nothing wrong in dating or marrying an older woman especially those termed 'evening newspaper' or even 'last week newspaper'. Emmanuel Macron, the President of France is 42 years old, his wife is 67.

Challenge starts when younger guys do these things with ulterior motives and selfish gains.

If you fell in love with an older woman, my guy, ride on, life is about being happy, not about pleasing people.

'Evening newspaper' guys like us can tell you all these for free...lol.

OKOATA:
Your wife is an evil monster that should be treated as trash and neglected forever and let her fuvk off. Keep managing till you die of HBP and am sure she’s even waiting for that. If you have her name as your next of kin change it, if it’s a joint account remove her name from it, anything joint this joint that remove her name from it, stop begging and crying, I even hate it when a woman cry’s and begs me because I find it irritating, since the first time you started crying and begging like a little child she took advantage of you, what you don’t know is that women hate men that cry and beg, it was my own mother that told me this. Stop prostrating before a woman, stop kneeling and begging a woman, I swear that thing is irritating like shiit. My advice to you is to just end this evil marriage, you said you developed HPB and you are still managing. A man did the same in my area and he died while driving his in car, the woman he left behind is sleeping around like a dog now. Separate from this evil witch you call a wife, let her be since it’s glaring she doesn’t love you anymore, focus on yourself and your health, go to the gym, eat healthy, make enough female friends and am not saying you should start sleeping around but if you find a woman around, hang out with your friends and families. About her birthday fuvk her day and May she burn in Hell. Any man that treats a woman like egg bet it they don’t appreciate and am sure she’s even cheating on you with a real man that’s she no send you. You need to start acting like a real man bro. Woman hate simple men, men that are too nice but if we keep telling men they say women are golden, women are eggs bla bla bla, Free that demon you called a wife, she deserves no mercy. Don’t listen to those people telling you to manage her like that bla bla bla, I can bet she won’t change and you will keep doing the same thing over and over till you die of HPB. Bro she’s not the only woman in the world o, there are still good women out there o. A word is enough for the wise.

@OP: This post sounds harsh but unfortunately I tend to stand with the poster.

In my opinion, your marriage has since crashed; you will therefore do yourself a great service by admitting it and bowing out honorably and alive too. This form and route of suicide is not just ok.com, don't forget you have HBP already.

jaksmillioniar:
use ur Brian oga her nose will show

If you have nothing sensible to post, switch off your phone and go and read your physics textbook.

dadexcel:
........they should rather admit the obvious and say they later changed their mind after CBN intervention....I saw the video where their MD talked about the retrenchment....

I can't believe Access bank is blatantly telling this kind of lies when the MD categorically talked about the sack in a video that went viral. This press statement is not good for the image of the organization, a bank for that matter.

DahOriginal:
Finally its ready

You for grill am nah...makes more sense in my opinion, anyway, all way na way. Enjoy.

Whitney.

Yanmiriflathead:
Useless Idiots. when government asked them to stay at home they were complaining And Crying all over social media Like Hungry Urchins. oya go out now And feed yourselves they're so scared to. Typical Daft Ipob Mentality

I wanted to 'like' your comment until I saw the 'IPOB' part. You don't have to go tribalistic in anything you say or do. Stop being a part of Nigeria's challenges, rather, be part of the solution.

@OP: Let go of that girl. The best is always yet to come, the beautiful ones are yet unborn. You will be blessed with a better person.

It's obvious the family's acceptance is conditional and even if you go for a PGD and Masters, the feeling and hurt will never go away.

Develop yourself and move on, life is too short to be trying to please or prove a point to anyone.

The best form of revenge is success, go and be successful, so much that they'd regret they let you go and didn't allow their daughter stay with you.

Wish you all the best bro.

jaksmillioniar:
People have many different reasons for having relationships which may involve companionship, friendship, marriage and what have you. But, some elements such as trust and faith are important for its survival. Knowing if that one person you cared about told you the truth about her virginity is probably key to the development of the relationship and although it may be easy as you grow more and garner experience, it is usually uneasy at first.It is a well-known fact that spotting if she’s a Virgin is best determined through direct inspection at most times, it is difficult to differentiate virgins and non-virgins behaviourally. More often than not, ladies that flirt a lot are most certainly not virgins so are the attractively shy and conservative ones too.
Here some signs that show a woman is not virgin.
1. Nose
A woman who is not a virgin is seen from her nose. The tip of her nose is reddish in color if she is a virgin. If you touch the tip of the nose it appears red. Sometimes the color is not easily visible. After intimacy, the red color disappears.
2. Eye
When the bottom of the petals folded a bit and there is a sign of bruising ( bruise marks) means the girl is not a virgin anymore. A girl who is still virgin has no black stripe. Also when she laughs, a virgin girl has no wrinkles under her eyelids.
3. Forehead
A girl who is still pure has a smooth forehead. After sex, the slippery smooth face is always lost and some twitch (lines) will appear. The lines don’t look like the ones brought by old age. The lines cannot be removed by any face lotion or oil. It is invisible but can be noticed when she laughs or talks.
4. Outline hand palm
Try to hold the little finger about 1 minute then release and ask how it feels. If she says she felt nothing at all, there are high chances she is not a virgin. A virgin girl will say that she felt tense, throbbing pain.
5. Breasts
Breasts of a virgin girl are always tense and hard. After being touched by a man, they normally become less firm and become larger than before. The more she is touched and undergoes sex the more it enlarges and the more it drops. Apart from knowing her virginity, you can also tell if a woman has given birth or not by looking at her breasts. If her nipples are straight or facing upwards, she has never given birth. But if her nipples are facing downwards, she has given birth.
6. Lips
Women who have never kissed a man with lust will look reddish there was no bruise no pale slippery and wet on her lips. But the woman who has ever kissed a man will look cracked though not appearance and when laughing his lips will look bigger.
7. Ears
If a woman is not virgin then the edge thin hair near his temples and her ears are not standing. But if a woman is virgin then her ears are standing. Her sense stimulation are more stronger than a non-virgin girl.
www.jakandeola.com

So the tip of an African girl's nose is reddish in colour if she is a virgin?

Did you read this article before posting it?

J111333:
For wanting to friendzone that innocent but smart dude, you probably won't make heaven.

I wanted to sit back and read comments but with this, I'm done, there's nothing to read again.

What a savage comment

Lord Lugard! Can you see for yourself??

This is so shameful and embarassing

Shame on them.

Congrats to Mr. Adeoye, but come, what if na the US or UK the son just return from? Mehn, the reaction go worse o.

Did I just read "Recorded"? I thought it's meant to be a live broadcast.

Are we sure this man is mentally stable? Is it until he lights this country on fire before his excesses are curbed?

What kind of insinuation is this?

This is hate speech of the highest order.

Very strong and insightful piece from Reno.

He who hath ears, let him hear.

Chi59:
I was joking

Joking?

You never can tell who is queitly reading comments and willing to assist. Posts, such as the one put out there can completely piss off people. I was disgusted by it.

This is animal cruelty at its peak.

@OP: One of two things will eventually happen; either the marriage kills you or you kill the marriage. The logical choice is obvious. Wish you best of luck.

The poor oppressing the poor...the airheads ignore the real source of their problems, they know where they stay but hell no, they will never go there. Simps.

Why is Indian Hemp always found on criminals? Is that the substance that gives them confidence or what??

I observe most weed smokers have dysfunctional behaviours which they often aren't aware of or choose to live in absolute self-denial....many like to justify their acts especially by using highly placed and successful people as examples; fortunately or unfortunately, the drug is being legalized in some countries, such countries had better brace up for more crimes.

sosospence:
If the boss gives you the chance,then your name will ring bell.Those guys are 'powerful'knowing their names or not.

Sure, the office of the COS is a powerful and privileged one but the occupant should and must never be more powerful or perceived to be than the President himself.

It was alleged this particular COS ruled Nigeria and the President was more like his Vice. He was too powerful for the liking of Nigerians, he was seen as the unelected leader of the country who came in through the back door..... anyway, all that is history now.

Finally, the man we voted for can now take over the affairs of the nation, let's see how successful he would eventually become without his almighty COS dishing out directives and orders anymore. We are keenly watching.

May his soul RIP.

Provost01:
Oga if he was truly dead then, there wont be any wisdom behind concealing the news,again remember he is a muslim,muslims bury their dead immediately. the man just died this night.pray for him if you can instead of all this post that isn't adding up.life goes on.

Was Yaradua a Christian?

sosospence:
ObJ never gave him the chance.Most COS to the executive President or governors behave arrogantly.

Again, who was COS to Jonathan?

I'm trying to pass a message.