₦airaland Forum

It's not too much of a sacrifice if a mother decides to stay at home to take care of her kids, especially if the husband's pay is sufficient for their living, and if its not, then the woman shd take up a job that won't be so demanding as to make her be away from home most of the day. The kids are usually the worst for it.
For children who are left with househelps and those taken to daycares, the stories are barely different.
No one can take care of your kids the way you would. Why bring them down when you know u're going to hand them over to others to care for them?
I love my babies too much to leave them to househelps or daycares. And what about other problems encountered with these people? Househelp palaver, if she's not stealing, she'll be too dirty, or stupid, or lazy, or whatever, so many complaints! I've never had one, but neighbours will always come to tell you their sad stories of how bad the househelp is.
And the daycares, can't even imagine my kid there. Babies are vulnerable to diseases and it's easy for them to bring home all sorts from the way they're kept with other kids.
I went with a friend to pick her daughter at d daycare one day and I didn't know when tears started dropping from my eyes at the sight I saw, kids stepping on one another, others crying at d top of their voices.
For me, no daycare, no househelp.

mybad:
@babs787
All this is not about me being single, its about building a near perfect society through our women.
Its a collective responsibility too,so don't be left out.
Besides,how old were you when you did your Nikah?

@ayinba1
Its a good thing that you're married.
Often times i wonder what am missing being single, i know you don't want to hear this.
Anyway,life isn't interesting when its a straight road.
The beauty of life lies in the number of holes and bumps on your way up.
Life as a single muslim is really very trying but its only preparing me for the good days of matrimony.

@mybad
It's high time we did something about your bachelorhood. Even though I don't really like internet matchmaking, I feel inclined to come in here.
I have a number of good muslim sisters. If you're interested, mail me.

twinstaiye:
I don't think that really follows: Truth is, the best way to bring up a child to our religious taste is by showing example at home. I was a living example. I know christian songs while back at school like back of my hand, and at the end I am still a muslim till today. There are some parents who may not afford the best school for their kid, but can do with a public school where what you opined above is going on, would you rather suggest such parent should not send their kid to school because of that? Teach your kid your religion at home by example, and you can do this by first insisting that his muslim name should be his name.
Whether we pretend to agree or not, we live in a modern world which differs to era when islam first came into existence, there are lots of scenarios that common sense and not religion doctrines will guide a parents in instilling a religious belief on a kid. I am a parent, and I know what to do on this, moreso when I am a living proof.

You;re quite right. I also attended public/christain schools throughout. But I'll prefer to put my wards in Islamic schools where what they learn at home does not contradict what they learn in school. If one can afford it, this is better. Afterall, the muslim school'll be a double advantage for them. For those of us who couldn't have it that way, it's quite unfortunate and not all of us are this lucky to come back to Islam.
If my kids can grow up throughout in an Islamic, uncorrupted environment, I'll love it best!

@mybad

salam alaykum. Thought you said this site isn't opening. Perhaps, it's your link?

@ AI
Salam alaykum. Marhabaa. Welcome on board.

@ AI
Salam alaykum. Marhabaa. Welcome on board.

truly-opal:
SALAM ALAIKUM
Sis and bro, we have to become more watchful and vigilant in resisting the desire to do what our hearts wants. We have to become more careful and aware of of the western encroachment in our religion. The issue of music in islam is a sensitive situation, Yes, the use of certain musical instruments are not permissible in islam, but how many of these musicians abide by those rules. We have to know that the utmost aim of the non-believers is to dissolve the essence in our sunnahs.
The truth is we can not justify music simply because it is praising Allah. Music is music, infact the music that praises Allah is more offensive than the western music because it is calling the name of Allah and the Rasul without takwa and piety.
I believe its best we encourage our selves and children to improve our recitation of the Quran, or simply ignore music (satan) completely, as hard as it may be , but it can be done.

Very well said. Jazakumullah khayran. I hope muslims'd see reasons with the above.

tanks babs.
I have the book. 'The Ideal Muslimah 1 & 2

babs,
Salam alaykum,
Don't know how this escaped me. I'm just reading these posts for the 1st time. I'll get back to you later, please. Today's gone already.

Why Mustay? Isn't that in the christain section?

What gives u the impression that zayhal is married and ayinba isn't? Ngbo. Ayinba1, is that true? Remember you once made a mistake regarding Olabowale's marital status? Anyway, that's by the way.
I want to assure you that marriage without courtship still exists in the ummah today. Successful ones at that, at least so far, I have a number of examples and they're doing well. It only takes a firm determination to go by the sunnah of the Rasul (saw).
It's quite true that we have misbehaving sisters, and rather pathetic that you fall into such hands, but have you ever stopped to consider the kind of circle you're in? the kinds of people you associate with? Are sisters not experiencing these same attitudes in the hands of brothers?
Perhaps you need a change of environment? But whatever is/be the case, don't carry on being bitter towards your sisters. No matter how bad we are, there are still some things good about us, remember the hadith?
Do your search now with an open mind and sincere du'a, I'll also pray for you.

It is very important to be careful and selective when choosing schools for the children. Children learn a lot from their schools, not only from the teachers, but from their peer groups as well. Ideally, a muslim child shouldn't attend the so-called secular schools, especially at the elementary level. We'll find out that in our society today, schools are basically divided into two: one teaches Islam, the other christainity.
A muslim who wants the best for his children should not put them in any school other than a school that is clearly defined as a Muslim school. Alhamdulilah, we have a lot of these around, and good ones too. Even the public schools aren't left out of the dilemma. Most of them usually go the christain way, on the assemblies and in the classrooms. There was this teacher in my secondary school who'd always pray before and after teaching us and he'll always watch out for the muslims in the class. Woe betide any muslim student who refuses to shout 'Amen' at the top of his voice after this man's 'prayer'. He'd curse, insult and tell the class that that particular student was filled with evil spirit. Can you imagine such nonsense, and the psychological effect it has on a young child.
We can prevent such things by ensuring our wards attend the good ones from among the Islamic schools.

@poster
Jazakallah khayran. You wouldn't know how timely your post is. I was just feeling bad about what my mum did and I'm at the same time trying not to make her unhappy or incur Allah's wrath her through her. This post of yours is most helpful.

mybad:
About the specifications of the Prophet, i am well aware but how many Muslim ladies have those qualities to look out for.

How do you, Mybad, go about looking for good qualities in a Muslimah. Is it through dating/courtship? I'll repeat again, follow Allah and His Rasul and rest content with what you get afterwards. It is until you start living with a person, before you'd know the true character of that person. Your own part is to look for a muslim sister, whose outward appearance shows she's a true muslimah, pray for the good in her, observe your Istikhara and leave the rest to Allah. You can also ask people around her about her character, this is also permissible, but not quite reliable in our society today.
May Allah grant you what'll be best for you, and remember, be a good Muslim too! It's not all about us, you know.

"Let he, who believes in Allah and the last day speak what is good or remain silent". Teaching of the Noble Prohet Muhammed (PBUH).

@ayinba
Hmm. your new signature is fascinating, I like that.

@mybad
Little wonder you said earlier that there's no longer good women in the society. Perhaps you are searching for the impossible. Are you perfect or near-perfect yourself? Is it right for a true muslim to go into courtship before marriage? For sure, you won't get any good in a lady who agrees to date you before marriage, because no true muslimah goes dating before marriage!
How would you know if a lady's got all or most of your requirements when you're yet to live together. Even if you court for 10years, you still may not get this! Like every other thing in life, choosing a partner is a risk, and Alhamdulilah, we, muslims are at an advantage because the Prophet has given us the prescription for these things. Du'a, Istikhara.
As muslims, we shouldn't concentrate too much on looking for the faults in others. The Prophet (saw) said, four things are sought in a woman: wealth, beauty, family background and religion. And he (saw) conclude that Pick those with sound religion and not those with the best behaviour. This is because a woman with sound religion will surely have the fear of Allah which will ultimately shapen her character.

Follow the injunctions of Allah, the teachings of His Rasul, and be content with what you get afterwards.

@idupaul
You know NL is filled with different kinds of people with different ideologies and life experiences. If it's true u're having these dreams (sorry for the tone of doubt), don't u think it calls for more attention and seriousness than just Nairalanders' advises? Few days ago, I suggested you devote time to God, praying to Him, DIRECTLY, fervently and with all sincerity, all you did was mock what I said with davidylan.
I've had an experience similar to yours, only that it wasn't in dreams. I was so confused then, I had to go into serious talk with my creator. Afterall, He created me, therefore, He should guide me aright. I did this for months. I didn't consult anybody because I didn't want to be cajoled into any religion. This went on for months and gradually, I found THE TRUE PATH. and inclined towards it. I got so convinced about it and have since
been grateful to God.
Not everyone will have such dreams as yours and only a fool will have it and ignore it as nothing. Thank God you aren't one.
I won't invite you to my place of worship nor direct you to a 'man of God' for prayer and counselling. Do it yourself. Commit yourself to God, surrender yourself to Him, ask Him for guidance. Do these in all sincerity without bias. I tell you, He'll definitely come to your aid.

Have you been praying about these dreams? I mean praying with all sincerity to GOD directly, putting religion aside. make it direct, talk to God alone in the language you understand most. I believe He'll listen to you and put you at ease.

I'm not talking about whom the zakah is given to. I'm asking about a nonmuslim living with a person, when measuring the food items, are we to pay on such person too?

It is mandatory to wear hijab, when going out or when indoors and there are strange men around.

Wearing make-up is permissible, infact, encouraged, especially for married women, in their homes, to beautify themselves for their husbands. When going out, the make -up and other adornments should be concealed in the hijab.

venue?

@mukina
salam alaykum. How was your ur sallah? Any remnant for the girls?

70% or more of female Muslims are illiterate , but the boys are off to school.

If the parents dies, the males always get more than the females

The right to ask for divorce, at any time without being chastised

I do not entirely agree with the above in your post.

Any where you find that more boys than girls go to school, you'd see that it's cultural rather than Islamic. When the Prophet (saw) said we should seek for knowledge even if it'll take us to China, he didnt specify it to the males. Any where u see more males than females going to school, be sure that not only the muslims in that environment do these but the nonmuslims too.

Have you read the quranic ayah on inheritance? Have you read the tafsir? Do u dispute with these? The right of men to have more (twice the share of female children) is stipulated by Allah, we have no say in that.

A woman can ask for divorce in Islam. Infact it has a particular name different from talaq, cant remember it now. Several women did at the time of the Prophet (saw) and were granted after due deliberations.
It's just that it is highly discouraged but if the woman has a valid reason, the shariah court looks into the matter and judges accordingly.

Islam is a beautiful religion. It has placed women in such a beautiful status that no other religion has placed them. If only we'd see the beauty in Islam, stay within its limits and NEVER try to imitate the west.

Salam alaykum.
Eid mubarak to everyone.
Pls I want to ask, if one has a nonmuslim living under him/her, should zakatulfitr be paid on such person?

ok. I didn't understand it when I saw 'topic stickied'.

Mustay,
Topic stickied?

so? what if her father spent billions on hereducation? what does it matter? Is d the best way to utilise this so-much father's money not in the investment into posterity, plus the additional advantage that u'd be obeying Allah in the verse that says women should stay in their homes.

Jazakumullah khayran

ayinba1:
Assalam alaikum warahmatullah,

yes, it's me again!

Today the world is ours if only we can see it, I hope this makes more sense as I go on,

To the brothers, how many of you have stay at home wives? And how many of you with working wives would agree to her staying at home if she wants to for the sake of improving the family's prep for this world and the hereafter?


I always thought that I would love to be a career woman, oh yes, I had many icons on TV. As I grow older, I see greater wisdom in having a choice to stay home and nurture your family.
.

Not everyone has this choice. But our brothers, how can you make this more available for our sisters if they so desire?
I say we start with raising our sons right!

and what about our daughters?

Sorry, I'm not a brother but I have an input here.
A lot of brothers, especially the ones striving to uphold the sunnah, are now emphasizing this. Infact, it's the sisters, the wives that are complaining that they're not allowed to go out and work.

You know a lot of factors determine the decision of a woman to wanting to stay at home or her husband agreeing to such. The woman's background, the financial status of the family, the attitude of the husband towards spending on his family and most importantly, the level of Islamic understanding of the family. Insha Allah, as the topic progresses, I shall expantiate on each point

And why has everyone left this topic to babs, Codebase and Zayhal? Let's air our views now.
Bro. Olabowale, where are you?

There is no deity worthy of worship save Allaah and Muhammad (saw) is His messenger

Zakat al-Fitr –

At the end of Ramadan, a lot of Muslims will take their $5 dollar bill or $10 to a nearby Masjid to pay for Zakat al-Fitr.



The permissibility of giving Zakat al-Fitr in Money form has been quoted from Hassan al Basri, Umar Ibn Abdilazeez and the Hanafis. However, Shaykh Uthaymeen says that there is Ijmaa As-sukuti, from the Shabah, which implies that anyone who allows it to be in currency has opposed what the Sahabah were all upon.



Iman Ahmad was asked, some people are saying that Umar ibn Abdilaziz, used to take the value of Zakat Al fitr. The Iman replied, ‘They abandon the saying of the Prophet, SalaAllahu Aleyhi Wasalam, and they say, “So and so has said this!”,  when Ibn Umar has told us that Allah’s Messenger .has ordained zakat al-fitr, in the amount of one sa’aa.’[ Multaqa, Shaykh Al-Fawzan]



Also Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudree said: “We used to distribute it (Zakaatul-Fitr) in the time of the Messenger of Allaah as one Saa’ of food, and our food was dates and barley and raisins and cottage cheese…”{Bukhaaree 2:582}



This being the situation, there is an Ijmaa, that Zakat Al-fitr should be given in food, amount of one sa’aa. And when faced with the difficulty of the amount, given that the Sa’aa is measured in Volume rather, than weight, they gave approximate weight to each of the food types that are accepted for Zakat Al-fitr.



Thus, one Sa’aa - four full double-handfuls ie. hands put together of an average man, is equivalent to:

Rice - 2.1 kilograms

Dates - 1.8 kilograms

Wheat - 2 kilograms

Raisins - 1.64 kilograms



Fatawa al-Lajnah ad-Daimah and Shaykh Ibn Baaz, RahimahuAllah, have stated the Sa’aa is equivalent to 3 kilograms. This suggests that they have used the heaviest of grains for their measurement.



It is important not to dischange Zakat al-Fitr on the first day of Ramadan but at the end. The evidence of it being that the Prophet, sallaallahu `alayhe wa sallam, said: “If one pays Zakat al-Fitr before the Salat, it is considered an accepted Zakat, if he pays it after the Salat, it is considered an ordinary charity.” (Related by Abu Dawud.)

And also, as pointed by Shaykh al-Uthaymeen, Rahimahullah,  that the  Sahabah used to give out the Zakaatul-Fitr one or two days before the ‘Eid.



Lastly, Some people complain that some countries especially in the West, poor people do not take food, as they have no need for it but need money to pay for their bills and such.



Asked about this Shaykh al-Uthaymeen, Rahimahullah said:

'As for the case where no poor people exist in his locality, there is no harm in transferring it to another land. Likewise, according to the correct opinion, [there is no harm] if there is a benefit in transferring it; such as transferring it to people who are more in need of it than the people of his area. However, Zakaat al-Fitr is not like the Zakaat of wealth, because the Zakaat of wealth has a broader time range [for its distribution]. As for Zaakat al-Fitr it has a specific time to be distributed starting two days before the ‘Eid up until the ‘Eid prayer. And Allaah knows best.’



If you find yourself in this kind of situation, you can have someone be wakil, in a country where needy Muslims are found. Just count all the members of your family and send money accordingly to buy food to be discharged to the needy.

The last four verses of Suratul-Hashr.

ayinba1:
Audhu biLLAhi mina shaytan ir rajim!

Indeed! Audhu billah mina shaytaanirajeem!

On the jum'a question,
1. if you arrive before the sermon, you can do your tahiyyatu masjid and follow up with as many nawaafil as you can/as time permits. One the sermon starts, you have to stop.

2. If you arrive while the sermon is on, you go in gently and sit at the 1st available space you see, not disturbing others. you should not observe any nafla now but just sit down and listen to the sermon. No ibaadah should be done while the sermon is on, whether nafila, tilaawatulqur'an, dhikr. One should just listen to the sermon and also try not to engage in conversation with anyone.

3.At the end of the sermon, it's time for the congregational salah now, abi?