₦airaland Forum

Jum'ah mubarak all.

Hmm. Emotional baggage. Not easy o. Nice principles you've got there but you know, it can't apply to everybody. Truly, it's best not to carry emotional baggages but at times when you remain confronted by those things that cause the 'baggages' in your heart, it may be difficult to let go.

For me, if I can, I find quick and effective solutions to any challenges I have and if it's one beyond my control, I just get it out of my head. I don't bother worrying about them since I know worrying won't help.

During labour, I was thinking about my mum and appreciating her more, wondering how she could go through this FOUR whole times.

After delivery, I held the baby in awe, that's when it actually dawned on me that I had been carrying a human being in my tommy.It's an overwhelming feeling.

@drnoel
You have so much details as a 3rd party. I wonder,

@topic
What's the situation on ground now with the in-laws?

^^ It's obvious she's been sarcastic now. Mac where's your sense of humour?

These kind of men should die slow, painful death. He should be tortured to death. What nonsense!

The guy will not only do it again but will also pressurise you for it if you guys are still together and don't get married on time. Like someone said, he doesn't care much about you any longer. And the value you both held about virginity no longer agrees with him. If after your discussion, he still appears to want to go ahead with you, then you two should get married asap, otherwise your relationship with him won't be fun any longer.

My mum used to put wool on my babies' head when they get d hiccup and I don't know why, it usually pisses me off, especially if the hiccup doesn't stop on time. After few seconds of putting it, I'd ask her why is d hiccup still there now, lol. And I'd just carry my baby and feed him/her.like you said, mindset/belief are what works in these things. BTW what's d correlation between hiccup and a piece of wool. Lols

Ify, U really think it works? I've tried it several times and I don't see it working. What works for me is breastfeeding and water. I don't believe in that wool stuff at all.

Serious drama going on here.

Babies usually have hiccups. It's not a problem at all. If you're on exclusive breastfeeding, just feed her whenever she has hiccups. As the baby grows older, the hiccup reduces till it gradually stops.

It's the woman and her parents that have mental problem. How can a man abandon a woman with his child for 7yrs and the idiots still took him back. Are men that scarce to find? The woman deserves whatever she's getting now. The man committed all possible offenses: neglected her, deceived her, did not provide for her etc, yet she took him back and still spent on him. Nonsense.

@deols

You're using so strong words this morning. 'Despise' 'hate'. what's up? And please be easy on mac.

I think maclatunji is a very good candidate. He's level-headed and 'moderate'.

On birthday celebration, I'd recommend we get a copy of this book 'Ancient feasts and Modern festivals', can't remember the author now.

On xmas and new year wishes, I think I've been rather lucky. When someone tells me 'merry xmas' or 'happy new year', I just cover up by saying something else that's nice to the person, like commenting on how radiant they look or how good their dress is or just bring up another talk entirely. I've been doing this a lot and so far it's been working for me.

Patience, patience and more patience. It's not so easy but just remind yourself that you won't be living with them forever.
One thing is certain though, they love you and want the best for you even if it appears they don't show it. When you become a parent, you'll appreciate them more, trust me.

It's difficult nominating this year as this section has lost most of its flavour of old

^^^ Where have been uplawal?

babs787:
@Zayhal


Salam. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
I am in the same planet as you are . My sincere apology for not making my presence known before my input. Alhamdulillah,Allah has been wonderful to me and my family. I have been very busy but most times I stay offline reading posts. Hope your family are great?

That's good to hear. Better to be busy than to be idle. We're fine here, thanks.

Alright, adding you to my prayer list . . .

^^ You think courtship would solve that? Ok, let's assume it will. How long do you think you need to be together for a lady to know you well enough and for you to know her well too, to a point where you can say ok, "we can now head for nikkah"?

The point is that, for you to approach a lady with the intention of marriage and for her to accept your proposal, you two must have found some interesting things about each other. It's not possible for you to meet today and get married the same day. The period between your meeting, the wooing, getting to know each other, acceptance, notifying parents, parents rejection/reluctance/acceptance, notifying family and friends and fixing the wedding, are all you need to know your spouse. Fortunately or unfortunately, this is a period when the two are most nice to each other, trying to please each other, loving, caring etc. But a good observer would see hints of the partners other side too no matter how the person tries to hide it. No one is without shortcomings. So don't remain a bachelor looking for Miss-near-perfect.

How many ladies will you drop during your quest for the best?

The trend of things is really worrisome these days. You hear of people talking about hijab fashion parade, Muslimah's beauty contests and what not. Hijab is now taken to a new level. I was at a program few weeks ago and almost got distracted by the kinds of 'hijab' i saw our sisters 'adorned' in. Yes, adorned is the word. The 'hijabs' and their different adornments - pins, clips, hairbows and I don't even know the names - were more attractive than the dresses of some people.

It's really worrisome. Is it westernisation now or just fashion craze that is getting at us? We need to really be conscious of ourselves and our Islam all of the time, otherwise, one would just get swept away by the tide.

Some of them are ok. Some are not so good. The job of the hijab is to be an outer wear to cover the adornments of a woman, anything short of this is no hijab!

Thanks for sharing anyway.

^^ And from what planet are you? You think you can just walk in here and not account for your whereabouts? LOL.

Quite an age Babs. Hope you're good.

Another nice OP there deols. Good girl!

@deols

Now answer this question, that two-year period, that the man is trying to put things together, let's say the sister has accepted his offer, what would we call the relationship between them? Bf/gf, Fiance/fiancee, spouses? I see that you already agree that Islam doesn't allow bf/gf relationship. Another question, what surety have you that if the brother quickly approaches the sister in order not to 'let someone else take her', he won't later find someone he likes better or the sister finds someone she likes better , during the course of the courtship?

There is nothing difficult in starting to look out only when you're ready. And a sister too need not accept an offer if she knows she's not ready for marriage. There's this Yoruba saying that I enjoy so much: Nkan ti eyan o ba ni ije, ko ma gbe run mu. (You shouldn't sniff at what you're not prepared to eat). If one finds a brother /sister that he/she likes and marriage isn't feasible at the time, the person should pray for a better person at the right time. What it simply means is that that person isn't meant for you. All these talks about 'I've found my dream man' blah blah are only illusions. The right person comes only at the right time, and the right time is Allah's time.

When you find the so-called right person, how do you prevent the esin kesin from getting there? Are we not all aware of what happens in long courtships? Fornication, betrayals, disappointments etc. These are what Islam is protecting us against, hence discouraging long courtship.

^^ I'm sorry, but please could you reiterate those fears, feeling lazy to read all through again.

^^^ yes, that's been realistic.

Loving a person goes beyond car opening and stuff. I won't even think of it except i have things in my hands preventing me from opening myself. I'm very Nigerian. Lol.

@deols

What else do you want to hear about courtship? Now you make me feel like one experienced chap

toba:
WTH are these people
hayorbami
zayhal
mukina2
bhusayomi
tanimz
deola
dominique
alimat

I'm around, reading, observing, having a nice time. Thanks to you all, especially mac for taking out the time to conduct the inyerview and then bringing it here for us to read.

Barka jum'ah

interesting!

Lagosboy:
I could not agree more with you. Dressing and looking good is part of our deen and you are very correct a bro should dress to impress his wife as well. It is only the dress mode or style that is the issue here. Mon to thurs i am dressed in a shirt and fully knoted up in a business style, on weekends i love to wear my casual jeans and  tshirts ( preferably white) with a pair of trainers lols. If a sister doesnt not like my jeans and shirt then she would not be suitable for me either as that would not change after marrying her.

As regards naija clothings i dont have them much as i dont live in Nigeria . . . would love to wear them though.

So you can't bend your style to suit hajia