₦airaland Forum

As a woman, if, or when you dress provocatively, how does it make you feel?

Why do women dress in provocative clothes but then hate the attention they get from men?

Should married women with children dress provocatively in public?

If your boyfriend/husband asked you to dress in a provocative manner, for a night out, would you do it?

At work – do you think dressing in provocative clothes will help or hinder your climb up the career ladder?

Do you think women who dress in skimpy/provocative clothes set themselves up to be molested?

As a woman, what is YOUR opinion of women who dress provocatively in public?

As a man, what is YOUR opinion of women who dress provocatively in public?

Being the leader of a country is a tough job.

Some will love you. Some will poke fun of you. Some will hate you. Some will ignore you. Some will even wish you dead.

If, by some miracle, you were elected the President of Nigeria, what would be The Ten Most Important Issues you would address?

How would you run the country?

Would you fear for your life or the lives of your family?

Would you run for re-election?

Africans Should Not Be Given Foreign Aid

by Ozodi T. Osuji

It is now time for Africans to stop asking other folk, non Africans, for aid. And it is now time for non-Africans to stop aiding Africans economically.

To aid Africans is to treat them as if they are children, to perpetuate their childishness, their tendency not to take their lives into their hands and do what they have to do to make a living. And when are given the opportunity to rule themselves, they engage in intolerable corruption and not even care for their people's welfare.

It is now time to leave Africans to swim or drown. As Charles Darwin (Origin of Species) and Herbert Spenser (Ethics) tell us, life on earth is a struggle for the survival of the fittest and the death of the weak. If Africans cannot compete for their survival, it is time for them to die off. It is time for them to die off and leave the African continent to become a huge animal preserve for others to come and gaze at animals in the wild.

It is unnatural for non-Africans to support Africans; it is sentimental for others to extend aid to Africans. It is, in effect, other folks keeping Africans alive. Those who cannot keep themselves alive ought to die out. In nature no animal is kept alive by other animals; in nature, it is compete and get your food or die out.

This may sound harsh but it is the only thing that would eventually get Africans to grow up and become adults and do what they have to do to survive, rather than messing up big time and asking for other persons to support them. No one has any business supporting Africans. Africans should stop making other people feel guilty for their suffering and support them out of guilty feelings. Other people should stop feeling guilty and out of guilt support Africans. The guilt-based support for Africans has perpetuated Africans' infantile status.

Besides, when African so-called leaders are given foreign aid, instead of using it to support their people, they redirect it to their pockets. African leaders squander the foreign aid they obtain from other people, just as they squander their peoples' resources. They engage in outrageous corruption, bribery and stealing and, it is time the world stopped accepting their absurd behaviors and leave them to swim or sink. No one has the obligation to rescue those who do not want to rescue themselves.

The views expressed here may seem heartless but, I believe that it is probably the best help that the world could extend to Africans. When Africans are abandoned by the rest of the world, perhaps they would finally learn to work together and do something for their own survival. Africans sordid history of selling their people to Arabs and Europeans, their current stealing from their people, instead of doing the right things with the foreign aid they receive is now jaded. We do not need to hear about Africans' shiftlessness any more. Let Africans help themselves or die. I want them to help themselves and live but do it on their own.

As long as other people keep on helping Africans, they will not do what is necessary to help themselves. The rest of the world is moving ahead and the only thing we hear about Africans is how badly they are doing and how corrupt they are. I no longer want to hear the familiar rationalizations as to why Africa is backward: how Europe underdeveloped Africa by carting its resources to Europe, how taking African people into slavery in North America (and Arabs taking Africans to Arabia) stunted its growth, how the structures of the world market, so that Africa is kept a plantation economy to supply raw materials to the factories of the northern Hemisphere. We have heard this tedium over and over again, to the point of being nauseating. Not too long ago, Asians were in the same boat with Africans, but today are competing on equal terms with Europeans, indeed, are probably going to supersede Europe soon.

If Africans cannot do what other people can do, one no longer wants to hear excuses as to why they cannot do it. Enough is enough.

CONCLUSION

Africans are always begging other people to come to their rescue; this behavior is shameful; it makes me feel insulted and degraded. I do not want any one to give me a handout; I want to be in charge of my life. My position is rooted in pride. I am proud and, as such, do not beg others for help. This is not some sort of childish vanity that sees itself as in charge of its life, whereas we are not. We are mutually in charge of our lives. Those who have a sense of being in control of their lives have internal locus of control and tend to make something of themselves. Those with external locus of control go nowhere with their lives.

It would be nice if Africans saw themselves as in control of their own lives, rather than believe that external others are responsible for their fate. It is when Africans take their lives into their hands and stop begging other people for help that they will turn their lives around and make the most of Africa. As long as Africans expect other people to come to their aid, they are like children and will not do what they have to do to put their fallen house in order.

I say that Africans should stop begging for foreign aid and that other countries should stop giving Africans foreign aid.

Let Africans do what they have to do to survive or die out.

Source: nigeriavillagesquare.com


QUESTION:

What do YOU think of this author's view?

Dreyl: foolish Negro is dat all u gat stinking chimpazee

WOW!!!...interesting AND disturbing...a Black person calling another Black person "chimpanzee".

Maybe you aren't aware of the disgusting names racist white folks call African/Black people...

...Black Apes...Gorillas...Booty-Scratching Monkeys...Jungle Bunnies...Cheetah (chimpanzee side kick of the TV character 'Tarzan').

As for you using the term "Negro"...that's just a step up from "Ni--er".

If I didn't know any better, I would think I was on the Nigerian version of "Storm Front".

Man...this is one eye-opening topic!

So tell all how you REALLY feel!

Unbelievable!

Those ol' racist whites on Storm Front would love you...until they discover YOUR true heritage.

When they do...YOU would be the "stinking chimpanzee" and all the other degrading names they call African/Black folks.

Think about it.

leshluap: Fela don talk am finish, , animal (dog) in human skin.

Yeah...animal (dog) in human skin...ROLLING IN MONEY$$$.

bendeniceguy: WOW, the world is so free nowadays that reknowned junkies and shop-lifters can call others names. Doggs are bitches!!!

Correction:

Marijuana smokers aren't junkies.

Heroin users are junkies.

Crack users are crack heads.

Pill users are pill heads.

Alcoholics are drunks.

Marijuana smokers don't go through withdrawal symptoms like heroin users, crack users, pill heads or alcoholics.

Marijuana, unadulterated, is a natural herb which grows wild all over the world.

People have been using it for centuries, just like tobacco, psychedelic mushrooms, and other natural plants, fish, insects, frogs and toads.

In some people, these mind-altering substances sharpens their senses and creativity.

It's not a coincidence that some of the most talented people in the world 'floated' through life 'high' on something and delivered some of the best creative offerings the world has ever known.

Think about it!

P.S. How does shop lifting figure into this discussion?

mekula: Anybody can poke fun at any world leader... But celebrities are not anybody my son. They are supposed to be role models. Any other picture would have sufficed for snoop lion, not a president's. Imagine how Germans or Brit's would feel if it was their leader being mocked by snoop.

I beg to differ.

Only the shallow-minded and follow-follow folks look to celebrities as role models.

Your parents and/or guardians are supposed to be your role models.

Teach your children well!

Btw...if a leader was worthy of being a leader, he wouldn't be mocked- he or she would be praised.

On the other hand, some people are NEVER satisfied and will mock ANY leader, no matter who or she is.

That's just their personality.

They're Grumpy Goats.

Such is life!

Say what you will but this doggie dog got skills. Smoking blunts has NEVER got in the way of him making the BENJAMINS!

Peep this:

"Snoop Dog" aka Calvin Broadus is a rapper, singer-songwriter, record producer, and actor, well known by his stage names Snoop Doggy Dogg, Snoop Dogg, and Snoop Lion. He has sold over 30 million albums worldwide. His music career began in 1992 when he was discovered by Dr. Dre.

According to Forbes Magazine, here is what Snoop has banked over the years:

2007: $17 million
2008: $16 million
2009: $11 million
2010: $15 million
2011: $14 million
2012: $13 million
2013: $15 million

More Money:

Sponsors / Endorsements
- Players Ball
- St. Ides
- Snoop Dogg 40-Oz Malt liquor
- Adidas Originals
- Boost Mobile cell phone
- Chrysler 300
- Colt 45 Blast
- Metro PCS
- Samsung Galaxy 4G
- Orbit Gum
- AOL commercial with Jerry Stiller

How Snoop Dogg Made His Money – Rap Music

Estimated Net Worth: $120 Million

Birthday: October 20, 1971

Pretty good for a so-called drug addict, with not one college degree under his belt.

Money talks - BS walks!

WOOF WOOF!!!

If people in glass houses throw stones then they shouldn't be surprised if stones are thrown back at them, and it doesn't matter who throws them.

Don't dish it out, if you can't take it dished back at you.

Of course, SOME people are afflicted with selective blindness.

Such is life.

Carry on!

Revealed: S-x Scandals in Akwa Ibom State Government House
by Solomon Johnny

Generally, politicians and those in the corridors of power are believed to live a life of indulgence and abuse. They survive by covering up their tracks or using the pegs and trimmings attached to their offices to prevent their misdeeds going to the public domain. Threats and intimidation which they sometimes make good are tools they use in whipping whistle blowers including the press into line. Sometimes, they run out of luck as what they do in the dark gets to be seen and known on the housetop.

That’s exactly the case with the chilling, gory and somehow thrilling revelation of 'Comfort' (not her real name) who earlier on worked with Akwa Ibom State Ushering Group as Ushers from 2011-2013. That group stinks with allegation of s-xual pervasion not known in recent history and Akwa Ibom State government can only save its face if it calls for an immediate probe into what happens at her protocol department with a view to punishing the culprit(s) and restoring sanity and decency there.

As news of the scandal filtered into public ears, some of the ushers resigned their offers while others were hounded down believably for revealing the longstanding secrets of the group. Comfort resigned her offer not long ago. She came with a confession on the workings of the group which is controlled by a former ace radio presenter and anchor of a fan-commanding history programme which ran Sunday evenings in one of the radio stations in Uyo, Akwa Ibom State Capital, (name withheld by us).

Comfort in a down-to-earth, no-hole-barred manner, tells stories of s-xual orgies, lesbianism, group pervasion and lastly, s-x ritualism performed on most innocent girls in the ushering group by the man whose brilliance and sense of time, history and encyclopedia has at various times got him a place in Aso Rock and Akwa Ibom State Government House. In this report, our sources take us into the inner circle of the ushering group and reveal its most dark secrets. It tells the story of how one man has allegedly condemned the future of hundreds of innocent girls and turned them into s-x slaves.

That is not all. The indulgence, according to our informant, has occultic interpretation as well as the rituals performed on the greedy but willing accomplice. Lastly, it reveals how state funds are lavished by an individual in the most criminal manner.

As earlier promoted, we publish for your reading and information, extracts with little moderation (in italics) from the confession of 'Comfort', (not real name) a former member of the Akwa Ibom State Ushering group.

"MY STORY AS AN AKSG USHER" by 'Comfort'

"I have decided to come out to the whole world with this story because I believe it can save the life of one innocent girl. If the ones in the group are beyond saving, at least, I hope that this confession can act as a warning to those innocent girls outside, who are constantly recruited into the Ushering group to meet the demand for more souls. Parents must be watchful over their children and beware of sudden wealth by little girls who were sent to school, or God will hold them accountable for the fate that befalls their children.

I joined the ushering group in late 2011 hoping to augment my income. The money was good, and since my benefactor had passed away, I saw it as a way to help relieve the burden on my mother. We were more than 40 girls or there-about at the time. During that event, I made about N350, 000.00. I had never seen that kind of money in my life, I thought it was God-sent. We were later taken to the man’s house in Abak, called Arbark Cort and were given alcohol, and all manner of things. We danced and partied the whole night. From that day, my life changed.

Then our group leader, named 'Rodar' (not real name) started taking us to the man’s house located on Unit A…, Ewet Housing Estate which is the centre for most of the atrocities. Initially, nothing happened. We just go there and dance and the man will encourage us to get drunk, eat and by the next morning he pays us between N20,000 – N50,00 each. From 12 midnight, the house was always filled with women, young and middle aged; married and single. Then I would just go, but I noticed that most of the girls never left the house. The girls called themselves house-mates and the man Big Brother. The frequency of going to his house started increasing. He lavished expensive gifts on us, started sending us abroad, some girls would go to Ghana, others South Africa, some to Dubai and others to London. We lodged in the most expensive rooms of big hotels, Francis place, Le Meridien, when in Uyo and the most expensive hotels whenever we are going outside Uyo. In one of the hotels we lodged, I was surprised to see that one of the suites we stayed in cost over N250,000.00 per night. I thought I was in paradise. We were given blackberry phones, Ipads, laptops, anything money could buy. All we had to do was just ask, then do as he wishes.

Back in Uyo, things started changing. The frequency of going to his house started increasing, the money we made doubled. In fact, at a point, some girls where making more than N500,000.00 a weekend. Then the dancing changed. More girls were being constantly brought in. Most times, when we get to his house, we had to be naked, dancing and drinking naked. Imagine the site of so many girls unclad, drunk and dancing. The money was tripled at this point. For the sake of the paper, I will not describe the gory details, but we started having s-x with him, each of us and all of us every time, group s-x and s-xual orgies was everywhere. There is no member of the group that does not participate at different degrees and I am not different. New girls were constantly brought in to join, even married women were part of the fun. Stories of lesbianism started making the rounds in the group. The man will bring in lesbians from outside the state to entice us to practice it.

He celebrates birthdays for each of the girls. In fact, the things that happened during the birthday celebration of one of the girls Comfort, (real name) which took place in his house at Abak would make decent people want to vomit. Some of the girls, to gain additional favours, would quarrel; fight each other in order to gain his attention.

Money was never a problem; he constantly told us we could make more money if we behaved. We had so much money to spend. Some girls bought cars and others opened shops. Then I lived like a real big girl. I could buy anything I wanted.

It was during this time that a friend invited me to church. I am not really a church type, but I think God wanted to open my eyes. While in the church, the prophet came to me and asked me to see him after the service. I have never met this man before so I was curious. I went to see him the next day privately and when he saw me, he just stared at me for over 10 minutes without saying a word. I became uncomfortable and wanted to go out. Then he started speaking.

The first thing he said was: “What does it profit a man if he gains the world but loses his soul?” He continued: “Someone is taking your star and your future. You have been initiated into the occult kingdom and you need the grace of God to break from that bondage”. He told me things about the man that I had never imagined or taken note of. He described perfectly well the things I did while in the group. He went as far as to tell me that because of our sacrifice, the man’s rank has been increased in the occult world. He even described the changes in furnishings in his house and the significance of each item.

The prophet also exposed how s-xual ritualism has become rampant now, especially for politicians. Here, they (politicians) sleep with as many women as possible, without using protection to facilitate the exchange of blood. Once they have slept with you, your future becomes tied to them and you can never succeed in anything without them. They take your star, they also take the stars of any person that you have a relationship with. I had always suspected that there was something wrong about what we did but I never thought I had been a willing sacrificial lamb. Finally, he asked me to make a public confession of the things I have done, that God will forgive me. So that is why I’m sending this story.

I want our young girls to be aware of these people. Most especially, I want parents to have the strength of character to resist easy money brought home by their young children who were sent to school, so that they can properly advise them about the dangers."

About the Journalist...Solomon Johnny is the Editor-in-Chief of Global Concord Newspaper, Uyo

angiemartinez: nice write up though, but must a woman protect her marriage becos she dont want to loose her husband to another woman?

Yes!

And if some cheating hussy is after your husband...then catch her by herself and give her a market woman beat-down!

lol...just kidding!

Seriously though, you really can't 'protect' your marriage from the 'Other Woman', if your husband is determined to run straight into her arms.

Some husbands (men period) are just weak. They have no discipline...just like some wives (women).

The bat of an eye...the twitch of a hip...a glimpse of some bosoms...and they take off running...on all fours. smh

No woman can 'steal' your husband either, unless he wants to be stolen.

The best revenge is to let the tramp have him. If she is brazen enough to throw herself at a married man, then she should be the one to deal with him- not you. Besides, if he did it to you- he'll do it to her.

Don't debase yourself by begging your cheating husband to stay with you and the kids. That drains your inner strength.

And don't mind the gossiping busybodies. In fact, whatever dirt you have on any of THEIR husbands, dredge it up from your memory, and keep it cocked and ready to fire, if any of those old biddies say something slick to you. Go for the jugular! You don't have to get all 'ghetto' either. Just speak the truth- short, sweet and to the point, and make sure you have an audience. Next they see you, they'll think twice about opening their yaps.

You can be the best wife in the world, drop-dead gorgeous, rock his world on the regular, and a doggish husband will STILL cheat on you.

And tit for tat (revenge cheating) only brings you down to his level. Resist doing that. Stay a lady.

Best thing to do is make sure you and the kiddos will survive and thrive, if you know for a FACT your husband's doing you dirty.

Get your affairs in order. Do whatever you need to to...to make sure he takes cares of the kids. This is one of the very reasons housewives should be encouraged to have their own little cottage industries, just in the event something like this happens. Some husbands can be very cold and heartless. They don't give a damn, if they leave their wives and kids penniless...and what's worse...have the nerve to take care of their mistress's kids she had by some other man (or men).

Yes, some societies frown on divorce, but what if you catch a STD from his tomcatting around?

All the counseling and praying in the world won't help you, if you catch herpes or HIV...now will it?

Bottom line...only you know where the shoe pinches.

Only you can decide what you will or will not tolerate.

Use your best judgment...and pray to God to give you strength to weather the storm...because you'll be in for a rocky ride.

10 Things Confident Women Do Differently In Dating And Relationships

Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. Poor self-esteem is the number one cause of unhealthy relationships, as well as the top relationship killer.

Self-esteem isn’t an essential need like food or water, but it’s a supplement that can either dramatically improve your life, or keep you stunted and unfulfilled. The fact is, you can only let in as much love from the outside as you feel on the inside. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you will never truly believe that someone else can love you and you will constantly be on the lookout for the other shoe to drop, for the guy you care about to leave, thus validating the fact that you are unworthy of love.

Poor self-worth is what traps us in bad relationships, what sabotages new relationships, and what causes us to feel so devastated and broken when a relationship ends. Self-esteem doesn’t come from blowing kisses to your reflection in the mirror or repeating “I love myself” over and over. It takes time and it takes work and it isn’t always easy. Everyone’s path will be different, but no matter what, having a picture of what high self-esteem looks like, and how it can play out in relationships, is helpful and can help reveal the areas you may need to work on. Having high self-esteem doesn’t guarantee a happy relationship, but it does equip you with the skills to identify what you want and realize you deserve to get it, and the strength to walk away if something falls short.

Here are 10 things women with high self-esteem do differently in their relationships:

1. Confident women don’t analyze if he likes them – they assume he does.

Women with high self-esteem believe they are worthy of love and don’t question how someone feels about them. They know that they are good, competent, and lovable and trust that the right person for them will see this. They don’t attach their worth to what a guy thinks and, as a result, don’t feel stressed and anxious when a guy’s feelings are unclear. Instead, they assume he likes them and are able to be present in the relationship and enjoy it without being weighed down by fears and doubts.

2. Confident women realize if a relationship falls apart it’s because it wasn’t right, not because they did something wrong.

Not everyone is a match and sometimes, two people are just incompatible. This doesn’t make either of them flawed or bad – sometimes it’s just not there. Confident women don’t take it personally when a guy doesn't want a romantic relationship. They realize that it must not be the right match and they move on, with their sense of self firmly intact. When a girl is insecure, however, and a guy leaves, she spirals. She may obsess, analyze, and replay every interaction in an attempt to uncover what she did wrong. She may know on a conscious level that it simply wasn’t a match, but deep down she holds on to the destructive belief that she was the problem…and that she is unlovable and the guys she wants will never want her back.

3. Confident women set healthy boundaries.

Healthy personal boundaries and high self-esteem go hand in hand. Having strong boundaries means you prioritize your needs and your emotions and do not assume responsibility for someone else’s needs and emotions. Confident women know what they will and will not accept and don’t allow themselves to be pressured or guilted into doing things they don’t want to do. They act in accordance with who they are and what they believe and don’t cater their behavior for a guy, or do things solely to keep him interested and happy. When you have weak boundaries, you may sell yourself out in a relationship and put up with treatment that you know is objectively unacceptable.

Confident women don’t abandon parts of themselves in order to have a relationship. They bring their fully formed self into the relationship and if the guy wants something else, or something more, they leave. A woman with healthy boundaries will not lose herself in a relationship, and will not allow her identity to be entirely contingent upon how he sees her. She will continue to maintain her own life outside of the relationship without giving up her friends, hobbies, or alone time. She won’t abandon important parts of herself or her life for the sake of the relationship and if a guy wants something else or something more than she’s willing to give, she’ll leave.

4. Confident women trust themselves and the decisions they make.

A key component of having high self-esteem is trusting yourself to make the right choices while also realizing you are well equipped to cope should things go awry. Women with high self-esteem don’t constantly question their actions and feel conflicted about the right thing to say or do. They act on how they feel and are comfortable being their true, authentic selves. Women with low self-esteem don’t trust their judgment, don’t trust their gut instincts, and are afraid of being wrong. As a result, they either live their lives in a constant state of anxiety, or they look to others to guide them along the right path. This obviously does not do much to help one’s sense of autonomy, which is also a key element of healthy self-esteem.

5. Confident women don’t show off or talk themselves up.

Confident people don’t need to tell the world how great they are. Only insecure people secretly feel that they are unworthy and feel the need to hide this by bragging about their achievements or talking themselves up. A woman who reveals herself gradually, carefully peeling back the layers over time, is significantly more attractive than a woman who lays it all out there. When you feel that you are worthy, you don’t need to tell people…they just know. A big mistake insecure women make in the early stages of dating is selling themselves to a guy. This can be completely innocent, but it comes from a deeper sense of insecurity and inadequacy. Confident women don’t need to sell themselves; rather, they use dating as a means to determine which guys are worthy of their time and affection.

6. Confident women accept responsibility.

Confident women accept responsibility for their actions and emotions. They don’t blame or shame their partners if they feel unhappy and don’t accuse him of “making” them feel a certain way. They don’t blame men for being jerks and they don’t view themselves as the victims of other people and circumstances. They realize that their time is their responsibility. As a result, they don’t wait around in dead-end relationships, hoping something will magically change. And they don’t blame their exes for wasting their time. They take responsibility for their choices, both good and bad, and use mistakes as opportunities to grow and become even better.

7. Confident women take the relationship for what it is and don’t need it to be a certain way.

Confident women feel secure in their relationships. They don’t need to have a title or a ring as some sort of confirmation that the guy cares. They are able to just be present and in the relationship and let it unfold organically, without force or pressure. This is not to say they stay with guys who won’t commit and are all cool and go-with-the-flow about it. If a guy can’t commit in the way they want, then they’ll move on. They are able to give and receive freely in their relationships and as a result, they don’t stress out about labels. They just know that if it’s right, it will work out. And if it’s not right, they’ll move on.

8. Confident women don’t stay in bad relationships.

Confident women do not stay in relationships where they don’t feel respected, appreciated, and valued. And they don’t assume full responsibility if a relationship isn’t working and take it upon themselves to try to solve the problem by giving and doing more. They aren’t afraid to walk away when something isn’t working and the thought that they won’t be able to find better or that they will wind up alone doesn’t cross their mind. They can quickly see when a situation is damaging and will remove themselves immediately. Only insecure women put up with treatment that is unacceptable, in large part because they feel that that’s what they deserve on some level. When you learn to value yourself, you will weed out anyone who doesn’t truly value you.

9. Confident women don’t desperately seek reassurance.

Women with high self-esteem know they are loved and lovable. They don’t need a guy to remind them every day – it’s just something they feel and know. When you are insecure, you need constant validation and become resentful if your partner doesn’t give it to you. You blame him for “making you” feel insecure in the relationship, or unloved. You may work harder to try to please him and earn his love, or you may withhold your love and affection to even the score. This manifests as neediness (the number one relationship killer): you need constant reassurance and if you don’t get it, you lash out and blame your partner for not providing it.

The fact is, if you don’t feel good about yourself, nothing he does will ever be enough. If you don’t truly believe you are worthy of love, you will never believe someone else can love you. What happens is the relationship becomes a battle of wills: you fight for validation, he retreats because he feels pressured and suffocated, you view his retreat as a sign he doesn’t love you and fall into despair, he resents that nothing he does is good enough and the fact that you don’t trust how he feels and stops trying, you see this as further proof he doesn’t care…and either the relationship ends or continues to make you both miserable indefinitely.

10. Confident women choose wisely.

Confident women use their head and heart when choosing a romantic partner. They are able to quickly assess if someone is emotionally healthy and can give them what they need in a relationship. They don’t let their ego get too intertwined with their emotions and they make sure they are fundamentally compatible with someone before they get too involved.

A core concept to understand when it comes to relationships is like attracts like. Meaning, a confident person will attract another confident person. An insecure woman will unconsciously seek out relationships with men who will make them feel more insecure. They will want the unavailable guys, the guys who can’t commit, the guys who have walls up. These are the ones they will feel infatuated by, not the ones who show real, genuine interest. Oftentimes, this happens because on an unconscious level, the insecure girl feels that if she can break through his walls, or get him to change his ways, then she’ll really be worthy and valuable. This never, ever works. Instead, she just ends up compromising her integrity even further by chasing the relationship.

If you don’t value yourself, then you will always be attracted to people who don’t value you either. Confident women value and accept themselves for who they are. They embrace the good, and are accepting of the not-so-good. As a result, they attract quality partners and are able to connect on a real, genuine level, one that leads to real intimacy and a healthy relationship.

Source: anewmode.com

More than ever, young women have become smarter and wiser when it comes to marriage.

They are marrying, not for love, nor companionship, nor even looks- but money. They seem to be taking a more practical approach to marriage- choosing to exchange their youth for financial security via older, wealthy men. For them, a college degree (or two or three) is not necessarily the path to personal fulfillment and financial independence.

People have been marrying for money since the beginning of time. And some men do this as well. But it's becoming more wide-spread.

A recent survey of 20,000 male and female respondents, conducted by T.M. Helleger & Associates Survey Group yielded the following results:

*Fewer women are getting married due to the fact that more men are unemployed, making them less desirable to marry.

*There are now more women deciding that being single is just fine with them due to what they see as slim pickings.

*75 percent of women would not marry someone who is unemployed, while 65 percent would not marry someone if they themselves were unemployed.

*Women marry for money, not because they are necessarily materialistic, but because they want to have a solid foundation for their marriage which they can fill with love.

*Women who marry for money marry partners who share the same or a similar 'money style' as they do- both know the importance of money in their marriage and how to manage it.

*Women who marry for money marry partners who have short-term or long-term financial plans-it doesn't matter which- long as he has a plan.

*One-quarter of educated urban women, earning an annual salary above $40,000, say they would marry for money.

*Two-thirds of women and half of the men said they were very or extremely willing to marry for money.

*61% of men in their 40s said they would marry for money.

*The average income that would persuade single men and women to marry for money these days is $1.5 million.

*71% of women in their twenties who said they would marry for money also said they expected to "get divorced"- the highest of any demographic.

*Only 27% of men in their 40s expected to divorce.

Most would judge women marrying for money as being shallow and gold-digging, but how is marrying for money any different than marrying for looks or other things?

Imagine the following scenario:

A beautiful, young woman grows up in an impoverished home where there wasn't an abundance of food, clothing or financial resources for herself or her family. When it came time to choose a mate, she chose “wisely” for herself. She didn’t choose for friendship. She didn’t even choose for looks. She chose for money, for security, and for a better life than she had experienced growing up- vowing never to be poor again. Years later and three kids, she's still married. And while her husband doesn't have one foot in the grave, he's boring, uninteresting and intimacy with him is barely tolerable. However, he gives her stability and even times friendship, and she is not going anywhere fast. So you could argue, her marrying for money was not about gold-digging, it was about survival.

Now imagine the following scenario:

A beautiful, young woman grows up in a wealthy home where she lacked nothing and was doted on by her parents. She met a poor student, juggling college and a job to help his parents out financially. He had very little to offer her, but he won her over with his personality, charm and goodness. She married for all the "right" reasons. And so, today, 35 years later, the struggles are long gone, and they are still very much in love with each other. She married for love and still deeply respects him, and is happy she ignored well-meaning family and friends who saw him as a male gold-digger.

So, do we have the right to judge someone who marries for money?

Do we know what their motives were?

Where are we so different if the opportunity presented itself?

Could you live with someone you had nothing in common with and weren’t really attracted to, for the sake of financial security?

What are the other downsides (if any) of marrying for money?

Experience IS the best teacher...that's why elders teach and the young listen...or pretend to listen...or ignore all...and go on their merry way.

In the end...reach ONE - teach ONE.

Sometimes a young married woman can learn quite a bit from an old married woman whose been happily married for decades and still going strong.

You know her. She's the one walking hand-in-hand, down the street with her equally old husband, giggling like a giddy school girl, giving him a quick smooch or gazing into his eyes over a cup of coffee in a restaurant, secure in the knowledge that she's a woman well-loved.

Some things just can't be faked.

So...what CAN, a young married woman learn from an old married woman?

1. Put your marriage first. Your marriage is your first priority. Your job, church, family, friends, anything that distracts and causes you to put your marriage on the back burner is all the opportunity needed for the 'Other Woman' to slide in and slide out with your husband, leaving you wondering "What happened?"

2. Work on your own confidence. You are more attractive and alluring to your husband if you are self-confident and self-reliant, rather than insecure, needy and clinging. Find ways to boost your confidence and be that awesome wife your husband looks forward to coming home to each and every day.

3. Husbands have emotional needs too. Believe it or not, some husbands have affairs to meet their emotional needs, irrespective of their wife’s physical appearance. Praise him, compliment him, stroke, stroke, stroke that ego. Fake it until you get it right. Practice makes perfect. Contrived? Absolutely! But it works. That's one of the ways the 'Other Woman' hooks other women's menfolk - so much so that she ends up marrying them.

4. Maintain your own identity. Keep, develop and maintain your own interests, instead of expecting your husband to be everything for you.

5. Keep up your appearance. Take care of yourself for the sake of your health and self-esteem, and as a way to “keep” your husband interested in you.

6. Pay attention to your husband. Love is an action word. Never be too busy to show your husband how much you love him. Yes, it’s that simple - and that complex. If you starve your husband for attention, don't be surprised if he finds it in the arms of the 'Other Woman'.

7. Be fair and fight fair. Don't be so self-involved that you can't see your husband's side of issues. Holding grudges, witholding intimacy, giving him the cold shoulder or walking around looking angry does not solve anything. Lay everything out on the table, discuss issues respectfully, without name-calling, nasty insults or bringing up old issues that have already been previously resolved, just to make a point. Then, afterwards, go love it up. The best s*x is makeup s*x.

8. Let your husband know you appreciate him. Don't assume he knows you’re grateful for the things he does. TELL him how much you love and appreciate him as a husband and father, and a little 'gift for no reason' doesn't hurt either. Watch his face light up.

9. Date night is a MUST. Remember how it was before you were married? Remember all the fun you had on dates - the best ones being when money was tight? Remember how you flirted with each other? Remember how you couldn't keep your hands off each other? Remember the quickies in random places? Why did you stop? Because you got married and had kids? Okaay.. so now you say you don't have time to date, pen a romantic note, buy some s*xy lingerie or jump his bones? You know who has time? The 'Other Woman'. Give her an inch and she'll take a mile and then stroll on down the road - arm-in-arm with YOUR husband. And don't think it can't happen.

10. Don't flip the 'S*x Script'. It's no fair acting like the Energizer Bunny BEFORE marriage, only to turn into a Limp Noodle AFTER marriage. Your husband will not be a happy camper. He will feel betrayed, tricked and foolish. And telling him that he 'likes s*x too much' is adding insult to injury. It makes him feel bad, both physically and emotionally, for having a strong, healthy s*x drive. Now what do you think will eventually happen, if he continues to feel this way? S*x is one of the basic foundations of a good marriage. And while it's true that libidos will change as you age and s*exual incompatibility may exist between you, try to find common ground. Once or twice a week of some physical closeness and contact may be enough to put a smile on your husband's face, and maybe yours.

11. Learn the 'Art of Compromise'. 'Me' is now 'We'. It'a not all about you anymore. You can't have it your way all the time. You are in a marriage. Give A Little + Get A Little = Happy Family and a Happy Life. Selfishness is not allowed.

12. Be supportive. Your husband wants you to not only love him but, also, admire him for his accomplishments, be there to support him in his struggles, and take some interest in the things he loves to do too. No, you don't have to tag along, join or participate in his extracurricular activities and hobbies, but don't ignore them either. Imagine how it feels to him when he comes home to tell you about a big promotion, and you all but ignore him.

13. Don't try to change your husband. You chose to marry him. Now you want to change him? No fair. If, after the 'I Dos', you find there are things you don't like about your husband, you should either ignore them or change your reaction to them. Some men don't usually recognize their not-so-husbandly behaviors, so pointing them out may make your husband feel you regret marrying him. Other husbands are more insightful and strive to change anything about themselves that seems to cause their wives concern. But the change has to come from them, and not from all your background machinations. Keep pushing, and you may push your husband right out the door and into the arms of the 'Other Woman' who sees him as Mr. Perfect-For-Her.

14. Don't ask your husband 'loaded questions', if you're not ready for truthful answers. Some answers you may like - some you may not. However, know that your husband may lie like a dog, just to keep the peace, and worse, if you are well-aware of it.

Examples?

1.
You: "Do you think I am fat?"
Husband: "Yes."

2.
You: " Do I look old?"
Husband: "My dear. We are past 60. We're supposed to look old."

3.
You: "Do you think Olamide (or Folasade or Mercy) is attractive?"
Husband: "Yes, she’s gorgeous. Why do you ask?"

4.
You: "Do you think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, to you?"
Husband: "Yes. That's why I married you."

15. Be your husband's helpmate and friend. When you nag, scold, shame, complain about him to others, try to control him, make him feel inferior or treat him like he's beneath you, he may eventually view you as 'the enemy', instead of a wife who will be his ally and his partner.

16. He values respect more than love. Your husband would rather be respected, first, and loved second. If your husband doesn't feel respected at home, he will try to find respect somewhere else—a business, a hobby, or even in the arms of the "Other Woman.

17. Your husband prefers clear and concise to rambling. In a nutshell: Get to the point. Tell him what you want, what you need or what's going on in a clear and concise manner. Leave all the background details and side stories for your girlfriends.

18. What goes on in your home stays in your home. Resist the urge to discuss marital issues with your friends, parents or other family members. You're a married woman now - time to act like one.

19. One of your husband's biggest fears is loss of respect in your eyes. Events like job loss and impotency can thrust your husband into the depths of depression and worthlessness. The last thing he needs is you constantly reminding him of it. Worse, if you make the mistake of broadcasting his shortcomings. Even worse is leaving him for another man you think can do what he's not capable of doing. That's a mighty blow to his ego - a blow that could turn into hatred or even bodily violence.

20. Your husband needs you more than he will admit. He depends on you to keep him sane. You are his port in a storm, a safe place to land, his biggest cheerleader, the one who has his back, no matter what, the mother of his children, his everything. Give him what he needs and wants, and he will return what you need and want a thousand-fold.

And who knows, one day, you may very well be that old married woman, walking hand-in-hand, down the street with your equally old husband, giggling like a giddy school girl, giving him a quick smooch or gazing into his eyes over a cup of coffee in a restaurant, secure in the knowledge that you're a woman well-loved.

Some things just can't be faked.

Blessed be.

ultraawesome: And if there are no 'Sellers' ...there wouldn't be any. 'Buyers'

It's a 50/50 transaction.

But on the real side...

How can a beautiful, vibrant young woman spread her legs for a man old enough to be her Daddy...or in some cases her Granddaddy...instead of a young stud, around her own age? Does she not realize the scores of up and coming young Naija/Other Young Men who are morally upright and will spoil her no end...and even marry her? There are even doggish young men of means who think nothing of bankrolling their 'booty calls' - no strings attached - no wahala! So why would they waste their womanly juices on an old geezer who has one foot in the grave? Maybe I'm missing something.

Morals aside, how do these young women do it?

How do they feel, lying under a granpa, hyped up on Viagra or Cialis - pounding their womanliness?

When I was their age, the older women in my family always cautioned young women to not associate themselves with old men - claimed old men gave young women worms and would drain their youth. lol

But seriously, how in the hell do these young women do it? Do they use drugs?

When I was that age, I hated old men approaching me - so did my friends. We considered them gross and nasty!

We had no urge to cast our eyes on old, grey balls, pot bellies, balding heads, rusty feet, yellow toenails and bad or missing teeth - no matter how much money they flashed - what kind of cars they drove or their standing in the community. And...on top of that, they had this old man, sour smell that cologne could not disguise.

Ewwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...the memories!!! Nasty! Nasty! Nasty!

And the way they look at you - like a beef roast in the butcher shop!

How...How...How do these young women do it? How do they look at themselves in the mirror the next morning?

My peers and I couldn't imagine giving our 'good' stuff' up to dirty old men.

Some of them were bold as hell too...always trying to cop a free feel.

I can't count the times I gave hot slaps to these old degenerates or kneed them in the family jewels.

They actually thought that money could buy my womanliness.

Old, decrepit, nasty horn dogs. Ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The nerve!

And don't even talk of the times these old geezers tried to kiss me and my friends. How the hell could I kiss an old man with rotten, missing teeth and grey whiskers?

We knew one girl that tried to do the old man thing - to improve her life. Didn't work. She said she almost became an alcoholic, because everytime she had to sleep with her 61-year old sugar daddy, she had to down at least 4 stiff shots of brandy. lol She evenually broke up with him but he stalked her until he keeled over from a massive heart a week after his 62nd birthday. She swears to never venture down the 'old man' path again.

At the time, I couldn't even imagine lying under some old man, let alone have him touch me.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...just the thought of it makes me want to throw up. Ain't that much money in the world!

Young women who do this deserve an Oscar.

They're doing what me and my peers could NEVER EVER do...and a few of them were as poor as church mice.

How can a young woman...

Kiss an old man...allow him to touch her...allow him to s*x her.

Damn!!!

Its been decades but I still shudder at the thought!

Oh well...to each her own!

But DAMN!

How do they do it?

This inquiring mind wants to know!

tochilyn: Sister aren't some of your lesson rather too selfish and rude, thought love is meant to be love not decorated with sense and selfish reasoning..

Which of these "lessons" do you consider too selfish and rude, lacking sense or...are selfish reasoning?

Are these relationships workable or wrong from the start?

Have you ever dated a friend's ex?

Are there some people that you should never date?

Double Standard Expectations – Man vs Woman
By sifushka

There’s something I’ve noticed about our society that drives me up the wall! I mean it really makes me steaming mad! This is the double standard that we portray and, that double standard has managed to permeate our core, affecting the way and what we teach the next generation. This double standard presents itself in our expectations of and from boys and girls.

Take the issue of s*xuality (which is my main focus here): we expect our girls to be virginal, decent, modest and pure while we give our boys the idea that all is well, as far as they don’t give someone ‘belle’. Excuse me but what load of horse manure is that??!!

Why can’t we tell our daughters AND sons that premarital s*x is not permitted by GOD?

Why do we drum virginity and virtue into the heads of our daughters, almost from infancy, but leave our sons to their own devices, with a ‘boys will be boys’ attitude? When these boys become s*xually active, just who do you think they will be having s*x with? But of course- the VERY SAME girls we have been trying to shelter: our daughters and sisters. That leaves the girls to lie and cover up their activities, while the boys may very well brag about it. That is terribly unfair as it leaves the burden of chastity and self control FULLY in the hands of the girls! Any girl that ‘gives it up’ before marriage would then be regarded as ‘used’, while the boy who made her ‘give it up’ will be lauded and applauded for displaying his prowess and virility!

I have never heard a guy referred to as a ‘slut’ or ‘ashewo’ even if he has the morals of an alley cat and sleeps with everything he can but, those terms are liberally bandied about in reference to the girls. And do you know what? I am calling out the mothers and fathers of these boys on this issue!

I am a mother to a son and as such included here. Some of our fathers smile and pat their sons on the back when they make their ‘first s*xual conquest’, never once reprimanding them in the process. Indeed some fathers will even question their son’s s*xual preference, worrying about their masculinity, if they are still virgins at the age of 18!

And mothers? Hah, we can be worse!

If our son sleeps with a girl, we shrug and smile, saying with a chuckle: ‘Haka ne…what do you expect? Is he not a man?’

Then we stand behind our sons and defend them, even when they do wrong by a girl. “She’s the one who tempted him! My son is a good boy. SHE’s the bad girl- after all, if she agreed to sleep with him is she not cheap? No, leave my son alone!”

Then we wonder why our daughters sneak out and about and do what they want to do in the dark and then, by daytime they act all prim and proper. Don’t believe me? Go to our universities and see. Many girls there have serious schizophrenic tendencies- acting one way at home and another when they are ‘set free’. I’m not excusing that behavior but I am saying that many times, it is caused by a hypocritical and overly rigid attitude towards them from home. They are told one thing and see another being practiced. People, wake the heck up! If you want a s*xually moral society, then you must insist on the same standards for ALL involved- regardless of gender!

Now I realize that I may be in effect whipping a dead horse: “Hey” you may say “we’re living in the 21st Century and s*x is the norm so quit with your moralizing! Besides, who is perfect?”

I know, I know- I’m not moralizing here though: I’m just wondering why we are so hypocritical about the issue of s*x?

I think it’s unfair to place the bulk of the burden on one group of people. There are too many conflicting messages being given to our kids – “do it – don’t do it”; “keep it-don’t keep it”, “zip up- use a condom”, “Just make sure you don’t come back home pregnant or get someone pregnant”, etc. That’s all fine and good if those conflicting messages come from outside sources, but more often than not they come from those closest to these kids.

Our places of worship sometimes don’t help matters- “Women, your homes are in your hands! After all the Bible says that ‘the wise woman builds her home while the foolish woman tears it down with her hands’” they say with righteous indignation!

Then some of these women go home loaded with guilt to their cheating husbands, convinced THEY are the cause of their husband’s infidelity! ‘After all men will be men- all men cheat and it’s normal’ we say. Is it any wonder that these men cheat, when all their lives they have been given license to do as they please- knowing full well that when they marry, the entire burden of fidelity, chastity and the overall success or failure of the marriage will rest on their wives? Then these same men raise sons who will more likely than not end up with the exact same attitude.

Just come to your average ‘Bridal Shower’ and listen to all the advice meted out to the blushing (or not-so-blushing) Bride-to-be:

“Hmmmm…make sure you keep your husband at home oh!”

“Make sure you deliver in your first year- make him happy with a child!”

“Make sure the house is spotless, kids quiet, food cooked and bedroom ready- never mind if you work full time”.

“Above all, at ALL times you MUST SUBMIT!”

Now this advice is not bad at all in itself- my issue is this… Where is the husband-to-be at that precise moment? Most likely buying beer for his wildin’ out Bachelor Party!!!

Has any elder or Pastor or even his father bothered to sit him down and say:

“Look son, you have to be gentle and patient with your wife. Treat her with love and respect and show her you appreciate her. Help her out when she’s down, and provide her with strong shoulders to cry on when she needs. Remain faithful to her and understand the fact that her body and appearance may change with childbirth. Then, my boy, you will see a Queen emerge and you won’t ever have to push her to get your way, to get her to submit.”

How many men get that kind of advice? Many will hear their friends advise them to cheat on their wives and in some extreme cases, even beat them into submission! Oh yeah, that does happen!

There are specific roles we play, but let me tell you the burden does not fall only on one gender! We cannot be the best wives and girlfriends if the men in turn are not the best husbands and boyfriends and vice versa! Morality, fidelity, respect are to be expected from both genders and not just one. Any philosophy that thrives on hypocrisy is sure to fall.

So people, let’s be fair, shall we? You can’t expect your little Princess to be all pure and holy and, turn a blind eye when Junior acts like a rabid barn animal on the loose! Rules and regulations and proper instruction should apply to all!

Source: jaguda.com

RedBenson: Rubbish! Women were known to hold themselves on high esteem irrespective of any amount of money flashed. They've no tangible excuse for indulging into prostitution other than "greed".

Again...

Will you also rain down fire and brimstone on the men, single and married, who come sniffing around the campuses flashing money and looking for easy lays with gullible female students?

No Buyers - No Sellers...it's a 50/50 situation.

lilmax: very funny and senseless comment,why dont you blame parents? Their job is to train a child and advice them not to indulge in things like this

Does this include boys too?

Anyways...as parents you can preach and teach...but each child has free will...and each child has to deal with consequences of their actions.

As MOTHERS, why be like those other Mothers who leave their daughters to figure out love, intimacy, relationships, and the opposite sex on their own? Why not help your daughters out a bit, by sharing these tips that could make a world of difference to her.

Things Our Daughters Should Know About Love, S*x, Relationships And Men

1. If you’re paranoid he’s cheating, then you don’t trust him, so it's best to end the relationship, before you drive him and yourself crazy and, no more relationships, until you figure why you're having trust issues.

2. Don't ask a man to do things for you that you're not willing to do for him.

3. Men aren't mind-readers. If you want something, need something, or are bothered by something he's doing or not doing in the relationship - speak up.

4. Men are powerless in the face of female se*uality; use this knowledge wisely and sparingly- not maliciously.

5. Be honest and upfront about your feelings, and ask the same from men.

6. Don’t try to change a man or wait years for him to change; move on.

7. If he’s an a**hole when you’re dating, then he’ll be an a**hole when you’re married.

8. The first time he hits you is the last time he hits you, because you leave.

9. There's no such thing as a "perfect couple", so don’t compare your relationship to others' relationships too much.

10. If he’s not willing to work on the relationship, then he’s not invested in it; move on.

11. It may be the 21st century, but women are still called sl*ts ( a bad thing), when they sleep around and men are called studs (a good thing), when they sleep around, so mind your panties and, if you can't, be very, very discreet, use protection,birth control and, keep your business to yourself. Loose lips sink ships.

12. If you want control of your future - control your reproduction.

13. If a man cheats on you before marriage, most likely he'll cheat on you after marriage.

14. Your name is not "Bi*ch", "C*nt", "S*ut, "S*ank or "W*ore". If a man calls you this the first time and you forgive him, he may call you this a second time, at which point you leave, because physical abuse, generally starts after verbal abuse.

15. Flirting or eyeballing other women in your presence is disrespectful and shouldn’t be tolerated. If it continues, leave. You deserve better.

16. The STD talk really isn’t that difficult to have. Practice safe s*x and get STD testing every three months.

17. Don't advertise your man too much in front of your girlfriends - one (or more) may decide to find out what's keeping that smile on your face.

18. Being stingy with the 'goodies' or using it to punish or to manipulate is a good way to drive a man right out of your life.

19. You both should be able to say “I’m sorry” and mean it.

20. If he can’t laugh at himself, he’s too uptight.

21. A man who cooks you breakfast in bed, gives you foot rubs, goes shopping with you or accompanies you to a chick flick is worth his weight in gold.

22. A woman who knows how to cook, is fun and spontaneous, has more good days than bad, isn't needy or clingy, and gives a man one hour of complete peace, after a long day at work is worth her weight in gold.

23. Mama’s boys are unlikely to prioritize your wants and needs above their mom’s wants and needs.

24. Always trust your instincts.

25. If you don't want outside people in your relationship, then don't complain to outsiders about your relationship.

26. Men's needs are usually very simple - food, support, loyalty, peace of mind, a woman who keeps herself up and, "the punana". If he's not getting his needs met at home, he's going to get them met somewhere else.

27. If you lower your standards and requirements, as to how you want to be treated by a man, what you expect out of a man and, what you want and need out of a relationship, a man is going to take advantage of it and, get away with more things, without any repercussions from you.

28. If you're willing to settle for something (a piece of a man) rather than have nothing (no man), what you'll end up getting is a man's who's about nothing.

29. If you want a man to respect you, then, act like woman who deserves respect.

30. Find a man that truly “cares” for you. When love and passion fade, “caring” takes over, until they return again.

31. Never waste your time with a man that makes you feel bad about yourself.

32. You don’t owe a man any punana, even if he buys you the most expensive dinner in town.

33. Learn the art of seduction - it'll keep him coming back for more.

34. Pregnancy is no excuse to go around looking like Gravel Gertie (a slouch).

35. You can’t own anyone and they can’t own you.

36. Men need to be cuddled and hugged too - don't let them fool you.

37. Find someone to share your life with, not be your life.

38. You're responsible for your own happiness.

39. Love doesn’t hurt - break ups do.

40.Date Mr. Perfect-For-You, instead of vainly searching for Mr. Perfect.

Source: cupid.com

The streets are increasingly becoming the homes of children in Nigeria, such that if nothing is done, a lot more of these children will end up constituting a nuisance to the entire nation.

In Nigeria, it is a common sight to find children walking, jumping and running to meet up the pace of moving vehicles, so as to exchange articles for money with motorists along major busy roads and streets of the nation. These children are on many occasions compelled to sell "pure water" which they are never meant to consume.

If this is not the idea of staying all day long along these streets, then a child remains in the streets just to hawk oranges, boiled groundnuts, push compact discs, fish, tubers of yam, and other commodities for sale. It is also terrible to discover that most of these children found in the streets never return home at the end of such transactions, as they pass the nights under bridges, sleep inside school buildings or incredibly sleep inside market stalls, their places of abode.

This is nothing but child abuse. This article presents the challenges that force Nigerian children to take to the streets rather than remain in their homes to attend to educational needs and requirements. This will in the end offer a very critical understanding on the contributory factors that necessitate this, together with how it can be effectively reduced. However, it is apt to define what child abuse is all about, to enable us determine whether this is child abuse or just what parents of such children involved term "hustling", a Nigerian terminology used to describe an act of making ends meet using uncomfortable means.

Wikipedia.org defines child abuse as "the physical, psychological or sexual maltreatment of children." It thus includes "neglect," physical abuse," child s*xual abuse" and "psychological abuse" as the major tools which occasion child abuse. A neglected child means a child less than 18 years of age whose physical, mental or emotional condition has been impaired, or is in danger of becoming impaired, as a result of the failure of the child's legal guardian to exercise a minimum degree of care in supplying the child with adequate food, clothing, shelter, education or medical care.

Child abuse is a situation whereby the fundamental human rights of a child is tempered with. That is, the child is not given adequate care and protection, as it's the responsibility of every parent to take good care of their children. These rights are education, religion, freedom, movement, shelter etc. The child on most occasions is exposed to unnecessary hardships and odds in life.

Having successfully determined what child abuse is from the different perspectives, we shall now apply it to the Nigerian society and, how it has impacted on this very society which before now had very high regard for tradition.

Nigeria is viewed as having the potential to determine and define the future of the African continent, by reason of being the continent's largest population, an idea which rests on the future of the children and youths of the nation, as the leaders of tomorrow. But, certain situations erode the rights of our children, grossly leaving the idea at risk. It is a hugely risky venture to think that Nigeria will lead the African continent, if she does not urgently address the needs of its children's which are currently plaguing the nation.

In the Nigerian society, children should be considered equally as important as adults, because the society entails continuity, children taking over from where adults have stopped, when they are grown.

Child abuse within Nigerian society stretches beyond the ordinary, and this raises great concern to all, as children's optimum development is greatly reduced by child abuse, followed by the unconcerned attitudes of our government not realizing that children are our best resources for the development of the nation.

In Nigerian homes, the idea of domestic servitude, in which children are utilized against their personal wishes and will continues. These children wake up to realize they are going to live with another human being, whose background, character, ideologies, likes and dislikes and reasons in life are mostly unknown. These children do not even get paid but, their parents or guardians receive money on their behalf, while they work hard, with dim futures, and may even be spiritually viewed as witches and wizards, responsible for bringing ill-luck to such families.

While these "modern slaves" are made to sit at home or, at best, be placed in public schools where educational activities are in inertia, the children of the "slave masters" get the best of life. Many of these slave masters are Deacons/Deaconesses and Alfas in our churches and mosques and we pay spiritual homage to them in the name of God.

A lot of children have been made to give confessional statements to spiritualists, under duress, and following torture to deliver testimonies on how they have unturned many homes, which turn out to be self-made stories used to justify stagnant family situations.

Children may also be required to hawk on busy roads, as an alternative to education, in order to generate money for their parents, and when put together, one discovers that collectively, the articles for sale cannot be worth more than N500.00 (Five Hundred Naira). Consider the case of a small girl who hawks several large tubers of yam. When she is tired of walking and, as result, decides to sleep by the road side, she is molested by a number of unidentified gang members or lured away for ritual purposes, having some of her private parts removed for this purpose.

In this era also, we find many Nigerian children who act as guide to beggars. In most cases, it is hard to tell how related they are to these beggars, because they are rarely seen conversing, except when they are both tired and resting. Funny enough, when they are set to go home, commercial bus drivers rarely show the urge or intention to convey them with their buses, because as beggars, they are seen as people incapable of affording the fares. Sometimes bus conductors attempt pushing them off their vehicles for the same reason.

Many men lure young female hawkers to their houses or elsewhere where their articles are bought up, by giving them money equivalent to these articles and engage in s*x with them, with or without their consent. Our culture gets these victims to keep quiet and not make any disclosures to their parents, because they may end up receiving many more tortures from their parents.

Not sending children to school may also mean sending them to gambling centers where they mix up with adults of different kinds, obtaining different gambling skills and exhibiting them. This mostly occurs because parents and guardians have failed to give their children proper provisions, supervision or guardianship, and the child is left with no option than to take to what is available to him/her.

Child abuse in Nigeria may never be a thing of the past until the government intervenes. It is on the basis of this that we call on relevant agencies and child-right activists to help ensure that a meaningful life returns to Nigerian children and that they are not denied the basic rights to life. When this is done, children will become happy and contribute their own quota to the development of Nigeria, when they are grown.

Reference article..."The Nigerian Child: Face to Face With Abuse" by Emeka Esogbue

About the Author
Emeka Esogbue hails from Ibusa, Delta State, Nigeria. He is a Historian and International Relations graduate and Political/Public Affairs Analyst.

If there were no 'Buyers"...there wouldn't be any 'Sellers'.

How are girls affected by s*xual abuse?

Some abused girls are three times more likely develop psychiatric disorders and symptoms like...

...anger...depression...withdrawal...nightmares...loss of memory...thoughts of suicide...paranoia...obsessive-compulsive traits...compulsive lying...stealing...and violent attacks on others.

Some abused girls have a high risk of developing eating disorders like...

...binging...purging...and anorexia.

Some abused girls are three times more likely to become addicted to alcohol and drugs.

Some abused girls...

...display overtly s*xual behavior...reveal an unusually sophisticated level of s*xual knowledge...play with toys in a s*xually provocative manner...may engage directly in promiscuous behavior...or turn to prostitution...behaviors that child psychologists have linked to past and ongoing s*xual abuse.

Source: goodtherapy.org

traware: Its all caused by greed you say?It seems you have no idea how poor Nigerians are and how poor Nigeria as a country is.If those ladies don't sell sex to men,how will they eat?If they don't eat,how will they live to see another day?'Runs girling' is all about survival.Nothing new there.Afterall,the majority of Nigerian ladies do it anyway.Its just a symptom of a larger issue in Nigeria;P.o.v.e.r.t.y.The wealthy will always exploit the poor.Cold world.By the way,@OP the term 'morality' is relative.What may be 'moral' to you,may be 'immoral' to me and vice-versa.There is no absolute clear definition of the term

I substituted the term "immorality" for the term "sex trade" in the article's title...nothing more...nothing less.

The original title of the article, "Campus S*x Trade A Growing Concern In Nigeria", most likely, wouldn't have made it past the forum censors.

For example, the term "r*pe" is always changed to "molest" in a topic or within the body of a posting.

It's said that the s*x trade is the oldest profession in the world and, it's usually used as a way to survive, but it's also to make extra money and/or live the 'highlife'.

Over here, female students, single mothers, married women, divorced and widowed women, and now men work in state-licensed brothels in some counties in the state of Nevada and have to register themselves as independent contractors with the state and pay taxes.

The face of the s*x worker is no longer some crack-addicted, broken down female hawking her wares, along city streets, under the watchful eyes of a parasitic love-vendor.

Or do you think that some things were lost or misinterpreted with all the translations?

Have there been things that you wondered about or don't understand?

Are there questions that you seek answers to but are yet to find answers?

Horayce: Campus Immorality is not a growing concen. A growing concern is this childish preoccupation with what adults choose to do with themselves behind closed doors.

If campus immortality was not a concern, then it wouldn't be newsworthy and/or come to the attention of those who are concerned.

donnypool: Op you re lame

Responder, either you're in denial or you're a participant.

Such things also happen on college campuses, here in the U.S too...in addition to stripping (dancing for money in men's clubs).

The difference is the practice of campus immortality is not as overt, as it is in Nigeria.

Campus monitors are pretty much vigilant about spotting and preventing any shady business.

In addition, the practice is not so widespread here, since there are so many resources students can access, if they are in need...unlike Nigeria.

MoyoGENERAL: "She said she is doing it and she is not happy with what she is doing!!!!
orisi risi...
in that case....its obvious that the matter is SPIRITUAL....
.....
and after 7 years of destroying there lives, they will graduate and join a fellowship all in the name of getting married.....
.........chaiiiiiii.........chaiiiiiii.....chaiiiiiiii
....I pray now...that every wolves( girls wey don destroy their lives aristocrating) in sheep clothing looking to deceive you into marrying them will not succeed in Jesus name....
Amen

Will you also rain down fire and brimstone on the men, single and married, who come sniffing around the campuses flashing money and looking for easy lays with gullible female students?

it takes two to tango.