alutacontinua:

LOL
guess I have to go and buy nokia 3310 when i'm going home.

lolz. Don't forget to wear your natural hair too!

@ op,dont mind them.dont let any man's inadequacies or internal insecurities make you feel less of who you are,if you are flashy by any body's standard,so be it.afterall its your money however,i dont subscribe to borrow pose kind of life but as long as youre always looking classy,prim and proper,then you are my kind of girl.ill give an example

i wear my 6 studs in my six ear holes,my nails are always glittering in moderate length,not like claws,i do any kind of classy hair money cn buy,i change my phone when i want to,if anyone is pissed with it can take a dive to ikoyi river.the only important thing is

be yourself,be polite,be moderate and friendly.dont look cheap and classless.you should look good first for yourself.the first person that should admire you is you before anyone else.anyman that likes you will like you for who you are whether you used 1 million to do your hair or you are wearing 350 naira cloth

WackyJ1:

What if you deserve the best buy cannot afford the best huh? . Let us be realistic eh?

Do you think that the self esteem of many guys that drive jeeps comes from the inside or from the fact that they have the cars?

Op os flashy but humble, how many flashy girls out there are flashy but humble instead we have most cases of them being runs girls or very demanding, a guy likes a flashy thing and when he goes for it with all his self esteem, he finds that it is not self esteem that keeps the girl flashy but something more tangible than that and either he just concludes that flashy girls are like that or he tries his luck some more times (high self esteem) and discovers the same thing..

How .any rich guys out there with the self esteems or whatever are good enough to exclusively date this girl without going for other flashy things.

My point is that apart from self esteem issues, there are other things consider which were made evident in some posts up there including the one you made reference to.

Error1: you don't 'afford' a girl. Girls aint things.

2: not every guy with a car has high self esteem. Some of them will just melt when a lady parks a bigger car beside theirs.

You have just called the op humble despite her 'flashyness' then you must also know that not every girl who likes nice things is a runs girl. If you approach a girl and she's a leech what stops you from leaving biko? Instead of getting to know someone you'll first of all access her from head to toe then check your wallet and if you 'no reach' you bow out right? Its all about the guy not seeing himself as good enough. Dazall.

My only problem is having all your 'goods' on display. Aside that I see nothing wrong in putting on heels and coloured clothing or having you braids as long as you want or using a phone you like and can afford. Like seriously, I thought we've gone pass this stage of a girl looking 'less' than a guy. SMH. First it was girls should be less ambitious if they wanted a man and now its dress like an mgbeke? Smh again.

^^^
You're working yourself up over this...the idea here is that there are a lot of guys out there, on NL, and specifically on this thread who prefer to work on a budget when it comes to women...Myself included!

But trust me, guys like me with an ego the size of the state of Texas will still make a move on a girl like you even if you used an S4, or wore 6" heels, or even if you had on an expensive hair made on planet venus..

One thing your kind should note though is this, guys like this after spending what they budget on you and getting a good dose of your goodies (up & down) will probably run off faster than you can say your full name.
The only alternative to this is if a girl like you has a steady decent job and doesn't need to ask for everything from the guy, then that guy might just stay.

Now truthfully and realistically, how many ladies with steady decent 'official' jobs wear crazy hairstyles, do long 'glittery nails', and have the time and strength to wear heels or dress provocatively whenever they step out?
I'll answer that! They are very few! And this is because, most of them are not allowed to look that way in their place of work...the exception again would be girls in the fashion, movie, music, or make-up industry.

Everything thing I wrote above isn't stereotyping, there are always exceptions but the majority always wins.
The point being, a woman who tones down her looks does herself a favour as much as she does the man interested in her.
Forget about the phone talk, flashy has nothing to do with what phone a woman uses!

Flashy?...how do we know you are?...u aint even got a pic on ur profile...bin flashy starts with that#

Ohwhy: I dunno why we girls overdress or over makeup even if na to go nearby chemist go buy something or to see a nearby friend.
@Op
If you use heels, pls stop! Use only on occasions.

Follow me to yaba so we can buy bend down select(some guys know d estimate of clothes dey see on a woman)

Reduce d makeup if u can.

Try as much as possible not to hold your handbag on ur wrists like most girls do.

Only bring out your phone if u have a call. Dont flash it anyhow.(Costly phones)

Try as much as possible to go out with ur natural hair once in a while.. Not Brazilian hair every time, dem go run.

Avoid using loud colours all over every time except if u are going out out.

have learnt from what you wrote here. Thank you jare.

Ohwhy: I dunno why we girls overdress or over makeup even if na to go nearby chemist go buy something or to see a nearby friend.
@Op
If you use heels, pls stop! Use only on occasions.

Follow me to yaba so we can buy bend down select(some guys know d estimate of clothes dey see on a woman)

Reduce d makeup if u can.

Try as much as possible not to hold your handbag on ur wrists like most girls do.

Only bring out your phone if u have a call. Dont flash it anyhow.(Costly phones)

Try as much as possible to go out with ur natural hair once in a while.. Not Brazilian hair every time, dem go run.

Avoid using loud colours all over every time except if u are going out out.

Ohwhy: I dunno why we girls overdress or over makeup even if na to go nearby chemist go buy something or to see a nearby friend.
@Op
If you use heels, pls stop! Use only on occasions.

Follow me to yaba so we can buy bend down select(some guys know d estimate of clothes dey see on a woman)

Reduce d makeup if u can.

Try as much as possible not to hold your handbag on ur wrists like most girls do.

Only bring out your phone if u have a call. Dont flash it anyhow.(Costly phones)

Try as much as possible to go out with ur natural hair once in a while.. Not Brazilian hair every time, dem go run.

Avoid using loud colours all over every time except if u are going out out.

Really

190-the-clown:


true shes single and sooner or later shes gna ask me out

just watch

aluta's the girl im gna marry everyone

Will you marry me?

crackhaus: ^^^
You're working yourself up over this...the idea here is that there are a lot of guys out there, on NL, and specifically on this thread who prefer to work on a budget when it comes to women...Myself included!

But trust me, guys like me with an ego the size of the state of Texas will still make a move on a girl like you even if you used an S4, or wore 6" heels, or even if you had on an expensive hair made on planet venus..

One thing your kind should note though is this, guys like this after spending what they budget on you and getting a good dose of your goodies (up & down) will probably run off faster than you can say your full name.
The only alternative to this is if a girl like you has a steady decent job and doesn't need to ask for everything from the guy, then that guy might just stay.

Now truthfully and realistically, how many ladies with steady decent 'official' jobs wear crazy hairstyles, do long 'glittery nails', and have the time and strength to wear heels or dress provocatively whenever they step out?
I'll answer that! They are very few! And this is because, most of them are not allowed to look that way in their place of work...the exception again would be girls in the fashion, movie, music, or make-up industry.

Everything thing I wrote above isn't stereotyping, there are always exceptions but the majority always wins.
The point being, a woman who tones down her looks does herself a favour as much as she does the man interested in her.
Forget about the phone talk, flashy has nothing to do with what phone a woman uses!

I see you wanna score cheap points with the whole 'girls like you' and 'your kind BS' even when I never said I was the 'flashy' type or do you know me personally?. Smh. And uhm I aint working myself up if anything I think you are. I'm just tired of gals having to change who they are and what they like because of guys who have egos as huge as paris and self esteem as small as peanut.

Lol @ a guy can ask a 'girl like me' out and spend all the money an me and get what he wants and dump. Like seriously? Pls some of us still have our heads screwed right ok? And how much can a guy even give me that I've not seen b4 and will make me become foolish? Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeew...

Plus, I never supported provocative dressing and I used the phone instance because of what someone else said.

I've spent enough time on this topic sha. One thing I know is that I won't loose myself in order to gain someone.

alutacontinua:

Will you marry me?

yes

Ok oh

Adaeze003:

Error1: you don't 'afford' a girl. Girls aint things.

2: not every guy with a car has high self esteem. Some of them will just melt when a lady parks a bigger car beside theirs.

You have just called the op humble despite her 'flashyness' then you must also know that not every girl who likes nice things is a runs girl. If you approach a girl and she's a leech what stops you from leaving biko? Instead of getting to know someone you'll first of all access her from head to toe then check your wallet and if you 'no reach' you bow out right? Its all about the guy not seeing himself as good enough. Dazall.

My only problem is having all your 'goods' on display. Aside that I see nothing wrong in putting on heels and coloured clothing or having you braids as long as you want or using a phone you like and can afford. Like seriously, I thought we've gone pass this stage of a girl looking 'less' than a guy. SMH. First it was girls should be less ambitious if they wanted a man and now its dress like an mgbeke? Smh again.

abi o.as if its a crime for a girl to love or buy the good things of life.what kind of weaklings with competitive or vain brains are some mothers producing self.must it always be about proving your ego.whats wrong if a girl decides to wear designer from up to down,i dont even mind if its her earned money she used to buy them and not money from 'runz,aristo,scam and the likes'. So far as its legitimate,she worked fr it,why would some men see dating a particular kind of woman is an ego booster,what kind ofsickening and lousy mentality is that

smh

Adaeze003:

I see you wanna score cheap points with the whole 'girls like you' and 'your kind BS' even when I never said I was the 'flashy' type or do you know me personally?. Smh. And uhm I aint working myself up if anything I think you are. I'm just tired of gals having to change who they are and what they like because of guys who have egos as huge as paris and self esteem as small as peanut.

Lol @ a guy can ask a 'girl like me' out and spend all the money an me and get what he wants and dump. Like seriously? Pls some of us still have our heads screwed right ok? And how much can a guy even give me that I've not seen b4 and will make me become foolish? Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeew...

Plus, I never supported provocative dressing and I used the phone instance because of what someone else said.

I've spent enough time on this topic sha. One thing I know is that I won't loose myself in order to gain someone.

gbam! You couldnt have said it any better

duni04: If rili 80% of the guys that ask u out want u as a mistress or second wife, den ur broda was just being civil wit u wen he called u flashy. Wot he meant to say was that u luk like a runs gal.

as far as i am concerned,that is just her brothers opinion.the same way you guys have taste or know what you look out for when choosing a woman is the same way women have their own standards in choosing a man.her brothers standards maybe that he likes simple or unflashy looking girls,that doesnt make him right,it is just AN OPINION moreover it is not every opinion everyone says that should be taken seriously especially when it is an unserious one.

Infact,i wish i was in op's shoes.if i were the one my brother said that to,i wont even let my mom try and end the convo.i will say really? So whats your idea of 'flashy or unflashy'?what are your indices for measuring a person is 'flashy or unflashy' what makes a person flashy or unflasy,that is where i will expose his ignorance and walk away leaving him to look stewpeed.mshewww

Adaeze003:

I see you wanna score cheap points with the whole 'girls like you' and 'your kind BS' even when I never said I was the 'flashy' type or do you know me personally?. Smh. And uhm I aint working myself up if anything I think you are. I'm just tired of gals having to change who they are and what they like because of guys who have egos as huge as paris and self esteem as small as peanut.

Lol @ a guy can ask a 'girl like me' out and spend all the money an me and get what he wants and dump. Like seriously? Pls some of us still have our heads screwed right ok? And how much can a guy even give me that I've not seen b4 and will make me become foolish? Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeew...

Plus, I never supported provocative dressing and I used the phone instance because of what someone else said.

I've spent enough time on this topic sha. One thing I know is that I won't loose myself in order to gain someone.

Cheap points? Really? That's all you could decipher from my post?

Okay I get it, it's the 'girls like you' part that upset you...my bad... I meant 'flashy girls', so sorry for using you as a point-of-reference.

And oh BTW, there's no much difference between ego and self-esteem...I don't see how one can be sky-high and the other underground-low when they are both derivatives of themselves.

kulyie: as far as i am concerned,that is just her brothers opinion.the same way you guys have taste or know what you look out for when choosing a woman is the same way women have their own standards in choosing a man.her brothers standards maybe that he likes simple or unflashy looking girls,that doesnt make him right,it is just AN OPINION moreover it is not every opinion everyone says that should be taken seriously especially when it is an unserious one.

Infact,i wish i was in op's shoes.if i were the one my brother said that to,i wont even let my mom try and end the convo.i will say really? So whats your idea of 'flashy or unflashy'?what are your indices for measuring a person is 'flashy or unflashy' what makes a person flashy or unflasy, that is where i will expose his ignorance and walk away leaving him to look stewpeed.mshewww

Well since her brother is not here, why don't you enlighten us with your opinion.

What is your own idea of 'flashy or unflashy'?
What are your own indices for measuring a person as 'flashy or unflashy'?
What makes a person 'flashy or unflashy'?

Because what I'm thinking here is, YOU don't just like the word 'flashy'...I may be wrong though, but please help answer those questions and cure my ignorance...
I won't mind if you make me look stewpid in the process.

crackhaus:
Cheap points? Really? That's all you could decipher from my post?

Okay I get it, it's the 'girls like you' part that upset you...my bad... I meant 'flashy girls', so sorry for using you as a point-of-reference.

And oh BTW, there's no much difference between ego and self-esteem...I don't see how one can be sky-high and the other underground-low when they are both derivatives of themselves.

Having a huge ego is not always synonymous with having high self esteem.
Ego centric: thinking only about yourself and not about what other people might need or want.

Self esteem: the feeling of being satisfied with your own abilities and that you deserve to be liked or respected.

Now, I mean some guys are not satisfied with their own abilities and don't feel that they deserve what they want but stil they think they are more important and that girls have to somehow descend for them to be happy/comfortable. Simply put, when a guy says 'I can't walk up to her because she looks better/more successful than me(low self esteem). If I must walk up to her type, they must change what they like to fit into my world(huge ego). Wheew. Get my point now?

Apology accepted btw.

@Adaeze003
Wheew? LoL..you can't be tired already, cos you haven't really tried to separate 'ego' from 'self-esteem. If anything, you contradicted yourself and defined the wrong term.

'Ego' is what you referred to in your earlier post, not 'ego-centric'...they have different definitions.

Ego - your sense of your own value & importance. Psychologically, a part of the mind responsible for your sense of who you are.

Self-esteem - a feeling of being happy with your own character and ability...self-worth.

Now what I initially said was 'there's no much difference between ego and self-esteem because they are derivatives of themselves', meaning that a person with a huge ego also has a high self-esteem of himself/herself, hence the huge ego. I hope YOU get it now.

About your instance of a guy not walking up to a girl because she looks too flashy, it is more of a 'survival & continuity' tactic, not really low self-esteem.
That same guy can walk up to every other girl (and even the flashy ones) depending on how much motivation he has at that particular instance, which is fed by his ego.

How can you say a guy who does not make a move on a 'flashy girl' has low self-esteem when in actual fact, it is his high self-esteem that is protecting him from getting involved with the girl?
Remember the definition of self-esteem? -happy with your own character and abilities.
Yea well, a guy like that already knows that his abilities when it comes to taking care and maintaning a 'flashy girl' (who probably doesn't have her own steady source of income) will be greatly limited.
He knows this! That is his self-esteem kicking in to save his budget from such a girl...it isn't LOW, it is actually doing the job it was meant to do by self-accessing the guy's own ability when it comes to handling the 'flashy, expensive' girl on the long run.

Like I said in my very first post on this subject, this is just how 'most young men on a spending budget' feel, which is why the OP is getting more attention from the 'married rich men' whose wives already make a living for themselves, and thus they can spend on her (OP) as long as they want.

Thanks for making me write this long epistle this sunday morning...I never liked arguing with a woman for this exact reason...y'all never accept your wrong and argue objectively without calling a man 'weak', or 'has low self-esteem' just to make yourselves feel better...

I think I've made all my points clear enough. If you don't understand where I'm coming from then pele. I'm so tired of this argument that I didn't even finish reading your response. Peace out...

Nonso23: Our opinions are slowly degenerating into an advocacy for feminism which is entirely not the path o.p wanted the thread to tow.

Okay, lets turn the table around.
Ada and friends, can you date a 'flashy' guy. Not a gentleman o! A proper flashy guy.
I'm talking, plaits his hair/keeps a well oiled, maintained big afro/wears those strange haircuts, pierced ears, cute face, super body, tatoos maybe, always on shades, sags, jason statham kind of countenance and entirely a ladies man. NO LIE ABEG, the first thing that comes to your mind on sighting such a man is
PLAYER ALERT!!
That is every sane/serious lady's first impression of him. Going ahead to date him is going to be emotional torture for her. Whether he is the sweetest guy ever, there is going to be that suspicion that he's surely seeing another lady. Smart ladies would rather not put themselves through this avoidable torture and steer clear of such guys. I hope you get my drift sha. The kind of girls he gets are going to be either married ladies who want fun or single ladies who want friends with benefits. Surely not sensible ladies. Now when mr 'flashy' realizes that all his flashiness gets him are unserious relationships, he does the needful. Loses his afro/strange haircut/braids, loses those unnecessary jewelries, changes his wardrobe and voila! He's the perfect gentleman every lady wants to be with. (THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY TONING DOWN ON THE EXCESSES-MODERATION).
I hope you now see that all the self-esteem or ego accusations are unfounded.

Okay, now, turn back the tables and give an unbiased assessment.
Happy sunday y'all

We all know the op used the word 'flashy' wrongly. She corrected herself by usimg te word 'classy'. All those things u mentioned up see does not make a guy classy! I know a lot of guys who do dose things up der around me nd dey still beg for money to eat. It's nt even difficult to do those things u mentioned in my part of the world, dt's the reigning thing. It doesn't in anyway translate to classy. If I meet a classy guy, with designer wears from up-down, if we click, excellente! If for any reason, i feel sub-par, it's my problem, not his! Instead of me to expect him to tone it down for me, i'll rather try to make him accept me for who I am or if applicable. Upgrade!

Adaeze003: I think I've made all my points clear enough. If you don't understand where I'm coming from then pele. I'm so tired of this argument that [s]I didn't even finish reading your response[/s]. Peace out...

Yeah right, whatever you say...

I was beginning to wonder myself why you were adamantly defending 'flashiness' in the first place when you claim not to be 'a girl like that'. Pffft!

And uhm @ nonso, what you described up there is what I term 'young wild and free' if my dad sees that type he'll wonder if 'obere ara(small madness)' is disturbing him. Lmao! That's not even flashy talk less of classy. Lmao @ player alert. The players I know are smooth... As aluta said, the word flashy is used wrongly here. The op said 'I dress normally with a touch of class' so if a guy well scented, nice ride, designer clothing and an s4(which is the guy equivalent of the op and not what you described there) walks up to me, why on earth won't I get to know him? And if he turns out to be a player, what will stop me from leaving? Guys need to grow balls jor and stop all the 'what if 3k won't be enough' talk. Not all classy girls are gold diggers and runs girls. I rest my case(again)

Did u guys even see the op's pic?
All I saw was a simple gorgeous lady, sone of y'all mgbeke gfs even do more than that (in their own poor villager way)

Odi egwu @ buy a small phone . After working almost 13 hours daily I will now deny myself some luxury because I want amu mba biko. I used to belong to that school of thot until I woke up and smelt the coffee .

Now if I want to drive a prado I buy it and I drive it well. As aluta and kuyle pointed out as long as you look classy and well behaved someone will come your way . In the interim please don't deny yourself of things because you want to snare someone so he does not fall in love with who you are not.

Be yourself , you only have one life to live

Since it was your brother who told you that you're too flashy, i assume you're within similar economic brackets and we can most definitely rule out inferiority complex or low self-esteem as some feminists have implied here.

I think it's normal for guys to avoid "flashy girls" when looking for whom to marry. Most guys would only want such girl as a girlfriend or sidekick. As a guy, i like to marry a woman who is real and can adapt to different situations if necessary, not a showgirl who thinks she must always wear high heels and human hair to look good. I appreciate a woman who can wake up, wash her face and do a quick school run compared to one who has to wear all the makeup in the world before stepping out.

Another angle to look at it is that a lot (note that i did not say all) of Nigerian girls who try hard to look good are actually runs girls. I personally know a lot of such ladies and it's something most guys are aware of. So they already have that impression in their minds.

While you may be a nice and warm person, what your brother is telling you is that your outward appearance may turn men off because it makes you appear as a showgirl. I know you must be frustrated that men don't get a chance to appreciate the real you. I'll therefore advise you to tone down on the "flashiness" and appear more natural. You don't have to look bad but just appear more natural. Most men appreciate such woman for a wife.

If u look at my first post, classy is 'when it's within your limits'. A classy girl doesn't need you to be shopping her things for her! She has her money, she works hard for it and she's ready to spend it. The problem most pple have is dt dey associate 'classy nd ill-mannered'! Dt's just poverty mentality. 'Rude' is not a function of whether you're classy or not! Have you seen how rude some street-hawkers can be? Trust me, it all boils down to inferiority complex in the end. There are 'big', sweet and nice ladies. If they're too much for a guy to afford, nd he cannot just let her accept him for who he is (the truth is these ladies mostly don't mind, it's y'all dt over-think things), then, waka pass but don't expect a lady to throw away her iPhone 5 and buy BB curve because she wants you to approach her!

Thank you all for your advice. You couldn't have said it any better. I will surely make changes where applicable..

alutacontinua: Did u guys even see the op's pic?
All I saw was a simple gorgeous lady

I'm glad u saw my pix, thanks for the comment sis, I'm honored...

Have a great Sunday y'all. . . .

peachez'n'cream:
Thank you all for your advices. You couldn't have said it any better. I will surely make changes where applicable..


[b]I'm glad u saw my pix, [/b]thanks for the comment sis, I'm honored...

Have a great Sunday y'all. . . .

I didn't see it

peachez'n'cream:
Thank you all for your advice. You couldn't have said it any better. I will surely make changes where applicable..


I'm glad u saw my pix, thanks for the comment sis, I'm honored...

Have a great Sunday y'all. . . .

Me too, I didn't see it