RoyPCain: @laeroy; there is no evidence that christianity is the original way of the igbos or it is anomaly for igbo to become muslim. my wife is igbo and she is a muslim. and i encourage her to speak all the languages the knows. i happily introduce her to igbos and tell them to carry on in their language, because it is me she wants and no igbo man can get her. laeroy, it is a benefit for you to become muslim because your benefit extend to hereafter when there will be great Mercy from the One Who can show appreciation. unfortunately, men or individuals like the husband of shoeracks are the bad eggs of men, muslim or not, igbos or not.

Well said brotha.

You sound like Sweetnecta are you by any means the handle?

IfyChuky: To hav had a 2nd Wife Shows how much he does lurv u. .

Anyway, U've got to face it, koz u possibly wont deny neva having to know this b4 proceedin to marry him. I think u beta get demeaned to begging 4 his attention, koz d dude in question have got an Alternative wn u get absent.

Just bear, 4 lurv endureth All!

That is the question these pro polygamy folks can't answer
Have you noticed that you never see a woman advocating polygamy
It is always the males telling us how great it can be managed
Great for who?
For him or her?
What does a first wife IMHO the only legitimate wife gain from polygamy?
Absolutely nothing
I don't give a hoot about the extra wives
Infact anyone that comes in willingly to be a second wife,I hope she gets replaced with a third,4th ,5th until the 10th wife
If this OP had been the second wife,she would have regretted opening this thread
I for show am

Is there any man that wakes up and says to himself,wow I love my wife so much,she is the woman of my dreams,I just need to tell her how much I love her then to prove it he runs out and gets a second wife
It never happens
Second wives come as a result of infidelity emotional or physical
Most times They don chop am taya for outside ,give am belle sef and say what the heck
Let me make it official,anyone that doesn't like it can quench
How many threads have we had here where a woman killed her co wife or killed her husband about to marry another wife

crazymommy: stop bringing ethnicity into a marriage issue,a man that will mis-behave will mis-behave,come to my office and see different husbands and wives coming for counselling and let me shock u most of them are even from the same tribe or religion,so its not marrying someone from ur state or someone from ur tribe that determines the success of a marriage lets stop bringing ethnic differences and tribe into this issue,just drop ur advice and leave the op alone,stop acting like you are a perfect lady,she might have made a mistake then if u want to scold her scold her and give her good advice and not just scolding her and leave just because u want to talk.i never insulted u but u can dare insult me and see if i will not make your tongue touch ur nose.

pls where is your office I need to see you urgently

You are very lucky my sister. I broke my marraige because I prefer to keep a very happy face when my wife hurts me, she mistook this for weakness and started behaving as if she was the man. She goes out and comes in whenever she likes without a single trouble from me...I will even beg to let us talk things over to put the relationship back on track but she will tell me the marraige is over between us. I was acting like I wanted the realationship, in actual sense I was praying for a divine peaceful break which eventually arrives. Mind you I wasn't dating anyone. She eventually pack some of her things and left, she went as far as SA. Meanwhile she had no issues for me and after six months she came back begging. That was the time I let out my anger and laughed at her to go back to where she was coming...she thought it a joke. A year after I got myself a damsel who is worth more than the whole gold in this world to me.

Be careful and deal with your man with respect...the hard moment will fade away soon but don't let the dust of present difficulties deprive you your man.

tintingz: LOL, a fool talking to a fool

Where is truth In her biased post?

Your using ad hominems don't change the fact that she was telling the truth.

The truth remains that:
1. Muhammed married up to 11 wives and commanded muslims to marry only 4.
2. His wives were jealous of each other and had conflicts.
3. Muhammed favoured some of his wives over others for instance when the other wives sent Zainab to complain to Muhammed that he was spending too much time with Aisha then Muhammed claimed that he spends time with her because Islamic revelations always come to him when he is on Aisha's bed, Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 47, Number 755

only an ignorant muslim abuses his mate so much so that she is talking about it to the public.

the prophet [SA] said people like that are not from us.

i pity the wife that is a convert, new to islam and Allah says to be patient with those type and husbands should be patient with their mates.

@shoeracks; tell him to show you where in the Quran or hadith he is justified to demand for you not to speak your language and you will as a muslim woman take it.

ask him to show you where Allah says he should abuse you and you will take the abuse. request to see the hadith where the prophet [SA] mistreated any of his wives and you will accept any mistreatment from him. demand that if he is truly a muslim, he should show the best quality that islam demands from husband to his wife, you in the case. or you may actually be an advocate for your sister, the other wife.


You should tell him to fear Allah and know that He sees everything. and it is forbidden to hit anyone in the face. and no man should hit his spouse and she can feel that she has been struck.


please don't do 3 some as suggest because it is not permitted for one woman to witness the reaction of another or see her nudity.

Decryptor: .

There are many Yoruba Muslim men who are monogamous
Babatunde Mr Sex.y Fashola is one of them
I have insisted that using religion as a cover for polygamy does not fly with me
I agree it is more prevalent about Yorubas in the south but you have no proof where this poster and her man are from
I have friends who are Turkish and Egyptian Muslims married to one wife
In some Muslim countries,polygamy is a criminal offence
So this is not about Islam
It is about an excuse for bad behavior
Their prophet sef was monogamous for a long time till he wanted to eat Ofe Owerre and couldn't stop to eat oha and nsala soup and others
Once you start to wonder,you won't stop at 4 and he proved it

RoyPCain:
please don't do 3 some as suggest because it is not permitted for one woman to witness the reaction of another or see her nudity.

How do you guys do child birth then?

[CHocolaTE:
]

Your using ad hominems don't change the fact that she was telling the truth.

The truth remains that:
1. Muhammed married up to 11 wives

Mohammed(sa) was loved by the people that he help the widows, he married them.

and commanded muslims to marry only 4.

Allah command muslim men to marry 4 wives or stick to one, Mohammed(sa) was an example of a family man to the people so he married the widows who there husband were killed during wars.

http://www.islamcan.com/common-questions-about-islam/why-did-the-prophet-muhammad-marry-many-wives.shtml

This will help ^^

2. His wives were jealous of each other and had conflicts.

There is a chapter in Quran where Allah corrected them. Like brotha Roy said Jealousy doesn't mean hating on each other it is just worrying about what is special to you.

3. Muhammed favoured some of his wives over others for instance when the other wives sent Zainab to complain to Muhammed that he was spending too much time with Aisha then Muhammed claimed that he spends time with her because Islamic revelations always come to him when he is on Aisha's bed, [s]Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 47, Number 755[/s]

LOL is this an hadith or what?? Mohammed(sa) treated his wives equally.

ileobatojo: When he fights you, he goes to her, when he fights her, he comes to you.

I'm having a hard time seeing the problem here.

When you fight, apologize once. Then start to plan how to occupy yourself for the next week till he comes around. Spa days, fun outings with the kids, girls night out, visit family etc.

Abi na wetin?

. u funi die

I wud wanna subscribe to d idea dat ur husband is mad @ u for other reasons other dan dat of language.chek urself well and ur family if therz or was any standin beef btw ur family and him or maybe he was forced or askd to do somfin he probably wudnt do normally.and he feels d best way to get bak @ dem is by hurtin u and hence d language issue cos he probably dosnt wanna hear their voice @all sef.....just my opinion.

tintingz: Mohammed(sa) was loved by the people that he help the widows, he married them.

Allah command muslim men to marry 4 wives or stick to one, Mohammed(sa) was an example of a family man to the people so he married the widows who there husband were killed during wars.

http://www.islamcan.com/common-questions-about-islam/why-did-the-prophet-muhammad-marry-many-wives.shtml

This will help ^^
There is a chapter in Quran where Allah corrected them. Like brotha Roy said Jealousy doesn't mean hating on each other it is just worrying about what is special to you.
LOL is this an hadith or what?? Mohammed(sa) treated his wives equally.

Which widows?
He took his adopted son's wife,was she a widow?
He made a woman a widow by killing her husband and brother them slept with her the same day dat one na widow too
Women captured as war booties
PleasE!!

http://wikiislam.net/wiki/List_of_Muhammads_Wives_and_Concubines

Mynd_44: Childish husband. He drops money for food and refuses to eat. Smh

That's the best way to deal with a stubborn woman. Are u married? If no,then you need to start thinking of strategies to deal with your woman when she start thinking and acting like Esau.

@[CHocolaTE]; is 3 some like childbirth? come on, woman.

scholars make mistakes. for sincere effort, he gets 1 unit of reward. if he is correct [correction is in the Quran and Sunnah 'authentic hadith'], he gets double.

i remembered when my wife and I were negotiating our contract. she demanded that i should not beat her. i was shocked that she would even imagine that i will be hard on a flower like her.

i guess it is the nigerian thing. Islam transcend race, tribe, ethnicity. and since there is no adoption in Islam, like no interest in Islam, both were cancelled out using the household of the prophet [SA]. and the wife or daughter that sleeps with the one whose troop killed her me shows that she knows the man is head and shoulders above the dead family. every true prophet [AS] of God was better than the people of their time. Alhumma Sally alla sayiddena Muhammad [SA].

Chillisauce:

Just chill then, there is nothing to be afraid of if you are clean,
Give him his food if he refuses to eat.
Just take a glass of wine, cross leg, get your sweet food and glass of wine while watching your favorite tv program.
When he sees the sweet food, na only him go wake up for night chop cold food.

Op,don't mind this poster. He wants to ruin your marriage. Keep begging,I think he is a type who finds difficult to bounce back from anger. If you have tried all you could,try the last weapon,"seduction". He will sure come for you.

Decryptor: .

They are both Muslims from different tribes
That is all we know
She could be from Auchi
She could be Igbirra or Idoma
We don't know

tintingz: Mohammed(sa) was loved by the people that he help the widows, he married them.

Allah command muslim men to marry 4 wives or stick to one, Mohammed(sa) was an example of a family man to the people so he married the widows who there husband were killed during wars.

http://www.islamcan.com/common-questions-about-islam/why-did-the-prophet-muhammad-marry-many-wives.shtml

This will help ^^
There is a chapter in Quran where Allah corrected them. Like brotha Roy said Jealousy doesn't mean hating on each other it is just worrying about what is special to you.
LOL is this an hadith or what?? Mohammed(sa) treated his wives equally.

. So he helped d widows by marrying dem nd wer dey 11?

Baby mama:

That was your first post
I was about to respond and offer my advice until you hit me with this


U
Then I am thinking,there is still some hope here
When I read




And just before I was fully recovered from the first posts you said this



And also



And then about your co wife you said


Then back to the situation you said



Then as I was getting a good grasp of the situation I said hmm
A Muslim woman with two kids for a tribalist polygamist who controls her every move including her associations with family members on the phone.
A man who gets angry ,with violent tendencies and doesn't care reconciling since there is a spare wife around
A man she knows in her heart she ought to leave
what did this wife say


Maybe I don't know the definition of good
Everything you described here is far from good my dear
Read the highlights
You better wake up
This time next year there could be two other wives
If you think it is hot now,wait till then
There is no advice anyone can give you regarding being happy in a polygamous home
You can never be happy married to a man that you will be lying in bed and hearing moans from your fellow woman across the hallway
No woman born of a woman would tell me she enjoys that
There is no incentive whatsoever for this man to be good to you
He doesn't miss you when you have a disagreement
There is a readily available alternative right under your roof
If he doesn't eat your food,he will eat hers
If both of you are in the dog house,he goes outside to the potential 3rd wife
A polygamous man can never be committed to you and can never be faithful
You can't demand or have all of him,bits of him are everywhere,
The mere fact that he couldn't stick with you as his one and only speaks of his unfaithfulness and lack of commitment
He is allowed to play you all,if he couldn't he will stick with you and work things out with you.
You have two and half options

1. Either stay and collect the little attention he gives you and spend 12 hours of your day begging for love like an Almajiri begging for alms

Or

2. You insist that you want to find you a proper job starting with going for NYSC

Or

2.5 get you a little "undercover lover" to "tidy sequences" when he is doing inyanga ( this is me speaking without the Holy Spirit)

No 2 advice is because ,when or if he meets your demand and divorces you ,he may also repossess the so called business he opened for you
So whatever you have with his name on it,is still his including the roof over your head.
He will keep the children and they will become boi boi for the other wives or you get custody but no money to take care of you or them. Islam may permit polygamy,it doesn't mandate polygamy so any man that tells you he is doing it because Islam permits him is using it as a cop out for his infidelity.

. Wonderful, wonderful points. But I don't agree wit option 2.5 though , but option 2 is superb. Shoerack, I don't knw how u can call a man who stopped u from youth service 'a gud man'

shoerack6:
I don't even want to explain what happened cos if I do, u people will help me insult him.
Ok, let me explain. Hubby is a tribalist. He said he doesn't like me speaking this particular language and that's the language I use when communicating with my family.
So yesterday, my aunty called. I tried as much as possible not to speak this language so was just answering her hun, ehn ehn but at the same time I don't want him to think i'm talking with someone I don't want him to know, so I decided to ask after her son in the language. That's where the trouble started oo.
I'm so sick and tired of all this. When I tried begging, he asked me to leave his presence and that was when I asked him if he was trying to frustrate me. He now said these days that my mouth is becoming too sharp and even threatened to slap me.

Madam your husby doesn't understand this language, he uses ideas. He believes you can be using the language to cheat under his nose. Please accept his terms andlet peace reign. Op don't be angry you must be stubborn thats why your husby uses silence to punish you. Please seat him down and let him know you will change and malice is a sin. Please preach to him even if you dont know how to. Thanks.

Baby mama:

They are both Muslims from different tribes
That is all we know
She could be from Auchi
She could be Igbirra or Idoma
We don't know

Please read the story well. She is ibo who got converted to islam after she married the monkey! Stop trying to cover up.

SMH....

a wife comes to a public forum to report her husband and seek advice...

and with no chance of hearing (knowing) the other party's side of the story...

everyone goes out calling the man all sorts of names...

insecure, foolish, wicked, childish, tribalist, even monkey..... the OP must be happy now!

it would seem the op is not letting out everything, and maybe rightly so...

but then it would be unfair to give advice and pass judgments in matters we don't have all the facts and details of...

and worse still to 'crucify' a party whose side of the story we don't have.

@OP I wish you the best of advice. May God help you and your spouse.

Sunshine lady: . Wonderful, wonderful points. But I don't agree wit option 2.5 though , but option 2 is superb. Shoerack, I don't knw how u can call a man who stopped u from youth service 'a gud man'

A man that won't talk to her for weeks,that won't eat her food or be husbandly,even threatens to slap her because she speaks her language with her people
She kneels to beg for I hr straight and he commands her to get out of his face
Sometimes she walks in to beg and he walks out
What type of example is she showing her children?
Let her go out there and find herself a man to make her happy and stop this almajiri behavior
He is already making himself happy while she is miserable
There is no chance he will have her as the one and only,chances are that he will get a new wife or mistress
She should find a man on the side and she won't miss his affection that much since he obviously has no need of hers
That is my advice for people in plural marriages
He has other women,go get you another man
Cunny man die cunny woman bury am

cola: SMH....

a wife comes to a public forum to report her husband and seek advice...

and with no chance of hearing (knowing) the other party's side of the story...

everyone goes out calling the man all sorts of names...

insecure, foolish, wicked, childish, tribalist, even monkey..... the OP must be happy now!

it would seem the op is not letting out everything, and maybe rightly so...

but then it would be unfair to give advice and pass judgments in matters we don't have all the facts and details of...

and worse still to 'crucify' a party whose side of the story we don't have.

@OP I wish you the best of advice. May God help you and your spouse.

We don't need the other party's story. He is a møгøn and a bigot! Imagine a man opening his smelly mouth to tell the woman he married not to be speaking her language in his presence. What did he expect when he married her in the first place? For her to communicate with members of her family with latin? I swear, if i was the OP's brother or relation and had access to the fool, i'd put sniper in his food! Nonsense! And he even calls himself a muslim? Anyway, not surprised! SMH!

@victorlexa; if the husband of shoerack6 were to emulate the prophet [SA] she will not be here complaining to anyone. widows are people, too and only noble soul can consider them and will not have all the negative opinion about them needing a mate. Muhammad [SA] happened to be that noblest of sous.


i guess since the husband is a born muslim and shoerack6 is a revert and an igbo, its an open season on Islam, and sheniqua, aka osisi/baby mama is leading the charge. watch out there is a pit ahead and its big enough to bury a herd of bull elephants. why am i warning you of the doom? islam will not let me let you throw yourselves face forward.

tintingz:
There is a chapter in Quran where Allah corrected them. Like brotha Roy said Jealousy doesn't mean hating on each other it is just worrying about what is special to you.

My point was that Muhammed's polygamy made his wives jealous and miserable to the point that they quarelled with each other. Why did Allah endorse a practice that makes women so unhappy?
There is no woman that likes polygamy, don't let anyone decieve you, it's just not possible. The only instance where a woman will be happy with polygamy is if she has absolutely no love in her heart for her husband.

LOL is this an hadith or what?? Mohammed(sa) treated his wives equally.

You don't know your religion ba? Yes it's an hadith, biko let me quote it;
Narrated ‘Urwa from ‘Aisha:
The wives of Allah's Apostle were in two groups. One group consisted of 'Aisha, Hafsa, Safiyya and Sauda; and the other group consisted of Um Salama and the other wives of Allah's Apostle. The Muslims knew that Allah’s Apostle loved ‘Aisha, so if any of them had a gift and wished to give to Allah's Apostle, he would delay it, till Allah’s Apostle had come to ‘Aisha's home and then he would send his gift to Allah’s Apostle in her home. The group of Um Salama discussed the matter together and decided that Um Salama should request Allah's Apostle to tell the people to send their gifts to him in whatever wife’s house he was. Um Salama told Allah’s Apostle of what they had said, but he did not reply. Then they (those wives) asked Um Salama about it. She said, "He did not say anything to me." They asked her to talk to him again. She talked to him again when she met him on her day, but he gave no reply. When they asked her, she replied that he had given no reply. They said to her, "Talk to him till he gives you a reply." When it was her turn, she talked to him again. He then said to her, "Do not hurt me regarding Aisha, AS THE DIVINE INSPIRATIONS DO NOT COME TO ME ON ANY OF THE BEDS EXCEPT THAT OF AISHA." On that Um Salama said, "I repent to Allah for hurting you." Then the group of Um Salama called Fatima, the daughter of Allah’s Apostle and sent her to Allah’s Apostle to say to him, "Your wives request to treat them and the daughter of Abu Bakr ON EQUAL TERMS." Then Fatima conveyed the message to him. The Prophet said, "O my daughter! Don’t you love whom I love?" She replied in the affirmative and returned and told them of the situation. They requested her to go to him again but she refused. They then sent Zainab bint Jahsh who went to him AND USED HARSH WORDS SAYING, "Your wives request you TO TREAT THEM and the daughter of Ibn Abu Quhafa ON EQUAL TERMS." On that she raised her voice AND ABUSED ‘Aisha TO HER FACE so much so that Allah’s Apostle looked at ‘Aisha to see whether she would retort. ‘Aisha started replying to Zainab till she silenced her. The Prophet then looked at ‘Aisha and said, "She is really the daughter of Abu Bakr." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 47, Number 755)

See how people are lamenting over the OP being in a polygamous marriage.
Lol! Most of us women are sharing our men one way or the other! That's the painful reality. The only thing about polygamy is that it's in your face.
I don't look down on women who choose to marry polygamous men. I will just advice that the man must be mature enough to be able to handle his women well and also she must check the behaviour of her co-wives and be sure that the man is not the kind to marry or tolerate troublesome women. He should be able to allow his wives freedom to do business or pursue careers or anything that will make them feel valuable. He should also be mature enough to respect his wives and not make other wives feel too bad if he has a favourite wife (they always have favourites!) by compensating them with other things. Of course he needs to be rich too. As in rich! Nothing like potentials here o o! Unless you are the first wife. Why suffer with a man when you won't be the only one to enjoy the fruits later? Mtcheeew.
The OP didn't check for all these and that why she's in this mess now. Sorry my dear. But from the looks of things, you need a divorce.....

Baby mama:

A man that won't talk to her for weeks,that won't eat her food or be husbandly,even threatens to slap her because she speaks her language with her people
She kneels to beg for I hr straight and he commands her to get out of his face
Sometimes she walks in to beg and he walks out
What type of example is she showing her children?
Let her go out there and find herself a man to make her happy and stop this almajiri behavior
He is already making himself happy while she is miserable
There is no chance he will have her as the one and only,chances are that he will get a new wife or mistress
She should find a man on the side and she won't miss his affection that much since he obviously has no need of hers
That is my advice for people in plural marriages
He has other women,go get you another man
Cunny man die cunny woman bury am

Seconded! Now you are talking like you should. Only that it seems to me that the OP's husband might have charmed her.