Not done reading the thread but this is a lovely story. Wish you the very best.

I've been AWOL but this turn in events is amazing!! WOW. Serubawon. I am happy for you. Happy the kids get along. Happy you feel butterflies again. Good things come to them that wait oh. Who is that saying you shouldn't post pics? *fumes**
All I know is we have to see this *thing* to a logical conclusion. One picture to email perhaps? LOl.

Yay!

now my year is complete

@spoilt
Sweet'im how you been? Glad you stopped by

Just prepare money for aso-ebi down

At least Olori did not ask you where your kids will live after the wedding. LOl. You can all be one big happy family. So you didn't tell us the sordid glorious details. How old is she? I'm assuming age appropriate. How long ago did her marriage end? Do you plan to legally adopt her daughter? I know, I know plenty questions. But you see, this is why this learning thread cannot die because there is still a lot of blending to be done which we can learn from. Keep us informed. You can stay anonymous. Why do I feel like she should be screened by the nairaland aunties? Lol. Anyway if you have given her the stamp of approval I guess she's A okay!! Congrats to you!!!

Salsera,
These 2 kids that I have leave me little time for much else. I was just reading the thread in between feeding my son and folding laundry and what did I see? Love and all things related to it. Lol.

What has been going on with you? You should give me your email.

I've been good

working on a career change abi na shift i go call am
so i'm in the uk now doing mid career MSc.
To be honest I need a change of environment from Naija for awhile
Will PM you

Good to know you're well.

ikamefa: breezing in " "

@seru my own be say i want to carry gele and dance alanta plus azonto and wetin dem dey call dis iyanya (kukere) dance oh yah wedding

congratulations oh
just do e-invite shikena !!!!!
stay blessed.

@ikamefa. Don't worry. My NL family will be the first to be notified.

spoilt: At least Olori did not ask you where your kids will live after the wedding. LOl. You can all be one big happy family. So you didn't tell us the sordid glorious details. How old is she? I'm assuming age appropriate. How long ago did her marriage end? Do you plan to legally adopt her daughter? I know, I know plenty questions. But you see, this is why this learning thread cannot die because there is still a lot of blending to be done which we can learn from. Keep us informed. You can stay anonymous. Why do I feel like she should be screened by the nairaland aunties? Lol. Anyway if you have given her the stamp of approval I guess she's A okay!! Congrats to you!!!

@spoilt. Details on their way. In between airports now. Trying to allow for jetlag

spoilt: At least Olori did not ask you where your kids will live after the wedding. LOl. You can all be one big happy family. So you didn't tell us the sordid glorious details. How old is she? I'm assuming age appropriate. How long ago did her marriage end? Do you plan to legally adopt her daughter? I know, I know plenty questions. But you see, this is why this learning thread cannot die because there is still a lot of blending to be done which we can learn from. Keep us informed. You can stay anonymous. Why do I feel like she should be screened by the nairaland aunties? Lol. Anyway if you have given her the stamp of approval I guess she's A okay!! Congrats to you!!!

Ok, I'll answer all these questions as best as I can. She's 36, so I'm roughly 7 years older. Her marriage ended 7-8 years ago and she's been on her own since then. Her tenacity at getting back on her feet is amazing and she's gone through a lot to get to where she is today. Unfortunately, the experience hardened her so much that it was an uphill task getting her to trust me and believe that I'm not another conniving %$&*@# of a guy. Her daughter is a jewel. I've already told her that I would love to adopt her if she agrees. However, her ex is never going to let that happen because he knows that's the only way he can get to her. In time, we'll see what happens. The funny thing is that her daughter already said she wants to change her last name to mine and her mother just started crying. I guess it's just up to us to be prayerful and hopeful things turn out well in the end. It would be kind of sad if we got married and her daughter had to bear a different surname than everyone else, but I believe in the saying "All things work together for good for those who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose".

One thing i can tell you is that my wardrobe is fashioned to her tastes and I wear stuff and look like a guy stepping out of a GQ magazine (not because of my looks sha o). We've gone through some bumpy situations that God has brought us out of. In my family, I'm surrounded by women and there was a bumping of heads between her and one of my sisters. It shouldn't have amounted to anything, but i guess there was some sort of competition on 'He's my brother' and He's my boyfriend' kind of thingy, but it got sorted out. Women!!! Always causing drama. I'm about to go through a major career change and that was all her doing. She's amazing and things are very good.

So. I hope I was able to answer most of the questions. So far, there's too much pressure on the traditional wedding thing and we're trying to brings things down to a quiet respectable level. Families aren't so helpful sometimes. However, it's all very good.

Awwww

Olori is really tripping me oh (she just senior me tintini)

Dont allow traditional ceremony to deny you of enjoying the journey - no mind family jare

There is hope - wow! To think you could have entered one chance.

salsera: Awwww

Olori is really tripping me oh (she just senior me tintini)

Dont allow traditional ceremony to deny you of enjoying the journey - no mind family jare

There is hope - wow! To think you could have entered one chance.

@salsera. Which one be "one chance" again?

the other madam (who asked where the kids were going to stay )

^^^ That's eh.. . . . .
That was strange. She was definitely not the right one.

@ Serubawon
I'm glad things are going so well. I did the math. Her daughter is not by her ex husband? . . . . . . .not that it matters much. I felt kinda weird when you said this relationship is better than the one with your late wife. Could it be because its still new and in the passionate phase? It would hurt my feelings if my hubby said that about someone he just met. True talk here. I would tell him waka fromthe grave. LOl.

@Spoilt, I am actually glad to hear him say that this new relationship is better
it doesnt mean he doesnt respect or even love his first wife, It would actually mean that her memory is fading and is now being replaced
And believe me, that is a very good thing.
i am happy for you @serubawon

Best thread Ive read in a very long time on this forsaken site. Congrats OP

A blended family? Only a Yoruba man. which is why I love yall so!

spoilt: ^^^ That's eh.. . . . .
That was strange. She was definitely not the right one.

@ Serubawon
I'm glad things are going so well. I did the math. Her daughter is not by her ex husband? . . . . . . .not that it matters much. I felt kinda weird when you said this relationship is better than the one with your late wife. Could it be because its still new and in the passionate phase? It would hurt my feelings if my hubby said that about someone he just met. True talk here. I would tell him waka fromthe grave. LOl.

@Salsera. I understand how you feel. It was weird for me at 1st too. My late wife and I never fought or argued, not even once. Olori runs me crazy EVERYDAY! However, in a dysfunctional sort of way, I actually enjoy it. It's like she wants to make up for all the lost fun. She's temperamental (and I mean temperamental). Sometimes, I have to watch what I say to her, because she goes off 1st and then apologizes later. When she apologizes, it's from the heart and you can see her trying to change and make amends which is lovely for her in the long run. The bottom line is that there is truly no platform to compare because they are like extremes apart. Lately, I've found myself thinking of my late wife and smiling to myself, remembering the memories, but without any pain (before, it was all about pain). Olori asks about her and wants to know how we were. I was uncomfortable about that initially, but found out that she's not trying to find out how my late wife was, but trying to find out more about me. Weird, right? I'm sure my late wife is happy at the way things are going. Olori dotes on my kids, but is also firm with them. I like that. She practically hands her daughter over to my daughter because she wants her to learn things and grow out of the pampered child mold. I just pray it all works out. I would like to look back in 20 years time and just be thankful to God. That's all I want.

spoilt: ^^^ That's eh.. . . . .
That was strange. She was definitely not the right one.

@ Serubawon
I'm glad things are going so well. I did the math. Her daughter is not by her ex husband? . . . . . .

@spoilt. Her daughter is by her ex-husband.

^^^^ I was wondering since you said she divoced 7 to 8 yrs ago and the daughter is 6. Meanwhile I think what you enjoy is the make up **Ahem* *after she riles you up. We all know how exciting that can get.Lol. meanwhile have you merged lives already? Like living together and merging finances?

^^^ that is the best part about the whole drama. I have had to pick a fight with him on several occasion just to enjoy some makeup "ahem" and I think he knows this

spoilt: ^^^^ I was wondering since you said she divoced 7 to 8 yrs ago and the daughter is 6. Meanwhile I think what you enjoy is the make up **Ahem* *after she riles you up. We all know how exciting that can get.Lol. meanwhile have you merged lives already? Like living together and merging finances?

@spoilt. Her daughter turned 7 last month, so the timing is about right. I mistakenly counted in the year she got married (who says my math is on point anyway). I think 6 years should have been my answer. I never asked exactly when she got divorced. Not my focus anyway. No. not living together. Kids involved and that's not a good example for them. We'll do it the right way (at least I hope we do), but we're looking out for a big enough home to buy. The make-up stuff? I'll use one word - AWESOME!!!

@jenny. From the little i know about you on NL, you and her are alike (I don't know if that's scary or not). She does know how to pick a fight though. I just watch and never argue, wait for her to calm down and then I pounce (great strategy, right?). It's very interesting how she moves from one extreme to another. Her biggest problem with me is that she hates how I can predict her. I never react, just go with the flow. She also doesn't like the fact that I never get angry. She feels I'm too good to be true and thinks the boogie man is hiding somewhere under the surface. I've been like this all my life. It works for me and really helps in my career too. I wear people down with patience.

Lol I can be quite temperamental and you also remind me Of my husband in our first year of marriage. I have shared my story here a few times. The fact that he kept quiet whenever I started used to drive me crazy and It wasn't funny. I came to realize with time that not everything is worth my time and he taught me this. During courtship I would tell him that I had temperament issues and he would always reply ...." I can live with that". He told me once that he could live with any woman and I bet he could.

He was my "therapist" and helped me manage it. He said he didn't want me to lose it but just wanted me to learn how to manage it when it comes.

I just love men that let their women be who they are. God bless you Serubobo, you are one lucky guy. My dad would tell my brothers that nothing beats having a woman who when she is pissed, lets it all out instead of keeping it inside.

jennykadry: Lol I can be quite temperamental and you also remind me Of my husband in our first year of marriage. I have shared my story here a few times. The fact that he kept quiet whenever I started used to drive me crazy and It wasn't funny. I came to realize with time that not everything is worth my time and he taught me this. During courtship I would tell him that I had temperament issues and he would always reply ...." I can live with that". He told me once that he could live with any woman and I bet he could.

He was my "therapist" and helped me manage it. He said he didn't want me to lose it but just wanted me to learn how to manage it when it comes.

I just love men that let their women be who they are. God bless you Serubobo, you are one lucky guy. My dad would tell my brothers that nothing beats a woman who when she is pissed, lets it all out instead of keeping it inside.

Yep yep.

What state are you from serugobo? Just say Ekiti cos you're awesome! Love this story. Love the patience. If anyone is lucky, its her! Congrats to you all

@ThiefOfHearts. Eya, I be original Ibadan boy o. Just don't have the marks to prove it. Funny, my late wife was from ekiti though, so you're not too far off. Thanks for the encouragement.

@ thiefofhearts
Did you imply a couple of posts up that only yoruba men can blend families? That's absurd.

@ jennykadry
I just changed the sheets so I am off to pick a fight. . . .can't waste this Saturday oh.Lol.

spoilt: @ thiefofhearts
Did you imply a couple of posts up that only yoruba men can blend families? That's absurd.

@ jennykadry
I just changed the sheets so I am off to pick a fight. . . .can't waste this Saturday oh.Lol.

Haaaaaa!

serubawon:

@spoilt. Her daughter turned 7 last month, so the timing is about right. I mistakenly counted in the year she got married (who says my math is on point anyway). I think 6 years should have been my answer. I never asked exactly when she got divorced. Not my focus anyway. No. not living together. Kids involved and that's not a good example for them. We'll do it the right way (at least I hope we do), but we're looking out for a big enough home to buy. The make-up stuff? I'll use one word - AWESOME!!!

@jenny. From the little i know about you on NL, you and her are alike (I don't know if that's scary or not). She does know how to pick a fight though. I just watch and never argue, wait for her to calm down and then I pounce (great strategy, right?). It's very interesting how she moves from one extreme to another. Her biggest problem with me is that she hates how I can predict her. I never react, just go with the flow. She also doesn't like the fact that I never get angry. She feels I'm too good to be true and thinks the boogie man is hiding somewhere under the surface. I've been like this all my life. It works for me and really helps in my career too. I wear people down with patience.

Congrats bro! Your wife's behavior is very common with people that have abandonment issues. She's testing your limits to see if you'll crack and run. She'll rather see you act-up now and dissolve the whole thing than get married to you and be surprised after marriage. I think you've been a good, kind man so far. However, being "calm and collected" isn't enough. The next time (and every time) she "acts up" in anxiety, use it as an opportunity to reassure her that you love her, warts and all. Tell her the anger turns you on and makes you fall even more deeply in love with her. Given her journey and age, she is no longer looking for a storybook romance; she wants a rock-solid relationship with a man that'll love her through thick and thin and not abandon her at the slightest hint of trouble. Good luck to both of you. Many people never get second chances (I know this because my parent's marriage lasted only three years and they both never got second chances). Please hold on tightly to this second love. We are all rooting and praying for you.

@braveheart2012. Hmmmmmmm...I'm sure I can do that. I must admit that it can be extremely frustrating sometimes, but it's definitely worth it. One day, she's the sweetest thing on the face of this earth and then from nowhere, she's throwing curve balls at me like no man's business. I just hope she figures it out that there is no boogie man hiding in the wings. I need a break....I'm only human. . Thanks for the heads up man.

chaircover: Serubobo I can Imagine how you feel cos Ive done exactly what Olori is doing. Mr CC is not much of a talker so he didnt spend too much time reassuring me that he loved me, but he told me by his actions and what swayed me in the end was the way he treated me and treated my things/things that concerned me. Such as picking my things off the floor instead of jumping over them. the way he called my mum and checked up on her even when I didn't (most tines he didn't even tell me that he had spoken to her). The way he would dish his stew and always leave the best pieces for me. If we were sharing a bottle of something, he will always make sure that I drank and had enough first before drinking the rest, insisting that I drove the newer car because he didn't want me breaking down. Things like that even though may sound very simple do add up and one day the light bulb will just go off in her head and say to her " this is the man for you. Stop fighting it"

Carry on showing her how special she is to you and one day soon she will relax and trust you will her whole being. That I am veey sure of

@CC. As always, you come through with the right words. About 3 weeks ago, she was silent for no apparent reason at all. She didn't call or txt and when I called, she was always abrupt on the phone. So all I did was send txt msgs of "Morning beautiful.....sleep well?" every morning. I did nothing else. This went on for about a week. Then out of nowhere, she calls me and tells me I scare her and as much as she loves me, she's just terrified that something will go wrong when we get married. So. I tell her to forget about getting married for now if it bothers her so much. No matter how long it takes, I'll wait until she's ready. 2 days after that, she's already telling me what our bedroom should look like and how she won't ever allow me to eat in the bedroom (because I do that). She dotes on my kids, but is firm with them and that alone gives me peace of mind. I guess I'll take you, jenny and spoilts' word for it. Give her time. One thing I do know for certain, I'm never going to fully understand this woman. But I'll do my best sha.

@Ikamefa. Just hold on to that thought of gele and aso ebi. This might take awhile

Sigh! This thread always makes me happy!