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Stats: 1062994 members, 1236175 topics. Date: Friday, 24 May 2013 at 12:07 PM
Poll: How has this thread helped you to appreciate your spouse better and positively affect your relationship?Very Positive: 90% (9 votes)
Good: 0% (0 votes)
Fair: 10% (1 vote)
Not Really: 0% (0 votes)
Not At All: 0% (0 votes)
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|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by braveheart2012(m): 2:24am On Oct 16, 2012|
Nigerians and their under-the-mango-tree nonsense pseudo-psychology. This melancholy-choleric-sanguine-phlegmatic psychobabble isn't used by trained clinical psychologists... it's only poorly-educated Christianist Nigerians that seem to think it's a robust framework for understanding human nature. Anybody with even a cursory exposure to science-based psychology knows it's rubbish.
Abeg, Mr Serubobo take every bit of advice you get on here with a grain of salt. Nobody is living these moments with you and nobody can give you a complete picture/analysis of your situation. You just have to plunge ahead with living this life and enjoying this second chance with gusto and with faith that God has good and perfect plans for you and your fiancee. Please completely disregard all the false gods of psycho-babble; they are neither scriptural nor scientific.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by salsera(f): 8:51pm On Oct 17, 2012|
Well Olori is in front to warn all trespassers that there's a queen in the castle and Serubobo is at the back cos he has her back
braveheart2012: Nigerians and their under-the-mango-tree nonsense pseudo-psychology. This melancholy-choleric-sanguine-phlegmatic psychobabble isn't used by trained clinical psychologists... it's only poorly-educated Christianist Nigerians that seem to think it's a robust framework for understanding human nature. Anybody with even a cursory exposure to science-based psychology knows it's rubbish.SMH
the @OP knows his people jor
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 12:32am On Oct 22, 2012|
I hear you my sista.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by slimyem: 11:22am On Oct 31, 2012|
What a thread!
I can't believe i spent the last one hour reading thru almost all the pages...
I'm particularly glad that the op's story and pritttrrrr's had a happy ending..
@Serubawon.....i'm glad for you!
I can relate perfectly well with you story cuz i lost my mum many years ago and i knew all that my dad went through with most of the story similar to yours.
He's a strong man and a good father like you too.
Though he's re-married now,he also made a good choice in a woman who is human in every way!
I don't want to say too much but i wish you every happiness and every good thing life has to offer.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 5:46pm On Oct 31, 2012|
@slimyem. It's nice to see God turn something that started out of pain into something that becomes a story of overcoming and testimony. The day I started this thread was one of those days that I couldn't shake the depression off and it was truly unbearable. I was angry at everything. I was looking for an explanation to a problem on my phone and a friend directed me to NL. Honestly, I don't know why, but I got to the family section and saw all these personal stories and the need to pour out the pain took over and that's how this thread started. I received an email from a guy some months ago and he had lost his wife in childbirth. He said he completely shut down and was useless not only to himself, but to his new born baby. How he found this thread, I can't remember, but he said it changed his life. We talk frequently on the phone and he is on the road to recovery. He asked me a question and it was: "How do you get yourself through the day, knowing you just feel like ending the whole thing"? I told him that every time those thoughts came, God had a way of ensuring my 2 kids were nearby and they would be doing some funny and ridiculous things that would make me laugh sometimes. God has always been my source of joy and he uses my kids to emphasize that fact. I look at them and I know that things MUST work out somehow.
Today, I'm different. I'm happier (a lot older), more respectful of the faithfulness of God, more patient and all the better for it. I wish she were still here, but she's not and never will be. However, God brought someone who filled that void beyond what I could have ever expected and I am truly grateful. So, if it is even only one person that was impacted positively by this thread, then it's truly worth it.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by edakedkay: 8:50pm On Oct 31, 2012|
Wow wow wow. This piece and it's contributors has been so wow. I've learnt a whole lot from this. To the OP, you're one man that stands out in a billion. To say i'm not so happy for you will be the biggest lie i'll ever tell. Fortunately i've never had anyone close to me pass thru your predicament but i could totally feel your pain deep down. The 'gang' that got your back here at all times are indeed your e-family.aren't we all BTW? Like i said i've learnt alot, not just from you but from everyone who shared their life's experiences here. My beau & I happens to be members of my church's marriage counselling committee and alot of times we hardly had enough or should i say very significant contributions to make because to us we really haven't seen life. I still wonder why we were made a part of it. We're the youngest members both age&marriage wise. I felt this pang of guilt sometime back that i had to ask that we be off the committee but the response we got was really encouraging. They said they saw something in us that made them include us as one of the criteria for membership was being married atleast 15yrs which obviously we didnt meet. So we've been asked to just sit, learn and make contributions whenever we're up to it. So my saying this piece has been wowx3 & insightful isnt out of place. I've learnt alot that i feel i can actually to some extent relate to others. Serubowan,the Lord has been your strength all through your journey and i promise you he's never going to stop being what he's been to you so long as he gets the position he rightfully deserves in your life. As for the asoebi, i hope we'll be e-wearing it very very soon. I'll need enough for my gang and if possible this little one inside me who is making my life miserable right now. Stay blessed Seru and regards to our e-iyawo. Spoilt,CC,Jenny,Salsera & Analyst,you lot are a handful- in a +ve way sha. Bless you all
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by edakedkay: 10:03pm On Oct 31, 2012|
I hope i won't be derailing this thread o. What? This thread is already a sealed deal. So derailing is in order. I've not been having easy rides with pregnancies. If not for God,i wouldn't be here right now if he hadn't proven himself. I almost didnt make it during my 1st preg. It was one hell of a journey that got terminated at the 7th month. He is a boy,my jewel of inestimable value & his dad's world.Been preg twice since then but i lost one and had the other terminated due to possible complications just when i got into the 2nd trimester. On Dr.'s advice we were asked to hold on for awhile. We've been playing safe since then but how this one came about is still a marvel to me. I'm 6 months gone and been of work 2 months now. My life right now isn't what any sane person will wish for but in all i still give God the glory. Hubby had asked for it to be terminated as he couldnt risk losing yours truly but i said no and decided to give God a task. I'm like an invalid right now. All i do basically is eat,sleep,watch tv &laze around. He wont let me lift a finger and i tell you dude hasn't had it easy since i was kind of declared an invalid. If he didnt have blood flowing in him,i'd have called him a machine. He does basically everything for us and stil goes to work. God bless you for me honey.I'm from a closely knitted large family,that's if 6 is large to you and we all had fun growing up. I had all my life created same picture for my family but from the way things are, this might just be my last attempt. We started discussing the option of adopting after i'd lost those pregnancies. We began the process infact but had to end it when we were given the criteria of my hubby & i being aleast 45 or 35yrs respectively before we could adopt. Well,like i said i'd wondered how this preg came about cos we were so careful not to get pregnant. I had an ultrasound today that didnt look so good for us. Dr is saying i might have to get admitted if things didnt change in the coming days. I dread hospitals and for a while now i've been a regular visitor. She's loaded me with meds which unfortunately i dont plan on taking. I made a pact with God that this preg is his and that i wont take any med even pcm. Hubby doesnt know that i dont take my meds. I try to take all the necessary precautions but no meds. Sometimes i get scared tho but hey why do i have God as my jazz man? You get my drift? So God the ball is in your court. Anyways you've brought me this far without a single tablet,i trust you to see me to the end come January 2013. Pls pray for me cos my worst fear now is being bound to one hospital bed any of this coming days.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by chaircover: 6:28am On Nov 01, 2012|
I woke up this early morning when the house is really quiet to catch up with paperwork for my business (its just me and my daughters cat staring at each other LOL) so I have time for the rest of the family during the day, but something compelled me to log onto NL and here we are.
Sweetheart, I feel you and I understand you. Ive had difficult pregnancies and I know the pain of having a miscarriage. Not something I have ever shared on here but if it will encourage you or someone then its good. Like you because of my terrible complications that I had/have during pregnancies I was basically a bed to tv to eat person and just like you and my husband said to me long long ago No more kids. He said that he wanted me alive over having any more children.
after we had our last and people used to ask us why aren't we having anymore,(you know our people naw) he used to protect me and tell them that he is the one with the problem LOL so that people wouldn't bother disturbing me
What am I getting at, Please hang in there. All will be well and Gods plan for you will come to pass in your life in Jesus Name, Amen.
Now what i really wanted to discuss with you is your meds. You believe in God right?! Then you must believe that God knows you right down to every single hair on your head, your requirements, your needs and so on. In which case God will put people in place that will care for you when you need it. He gave you a husband that loves and cares for you, he will also put in place the right doctors & medication for you. He will also give the doctors the wisdom and the knowledge that they need to treat you properly. before you go for any appointment, pray that God touches every person that you come in contact with from the doctor to even the hospital cleaner and So if the doctor gives you any advise or medication, then you pray and you take it. God also gave us wisdom so when they do give you advise/meds then you search for information and make an informed decision and you can discuss with your doctor.
Please let your husband know that you havent been taking your meds, cos I am sure that he will be the voice of reason. He may also have some very good ideas on the best way to go about it; maybe seek a second opinion from the doctors etc. He is your rock & your support and he cant support you if he doesnt know what is going on with you. mine used ot accompany me ot every single appointment and when i was in floods of tears, and wasnt listening anymore, he would be the one to speak up and ask the consultant questions and ask for advice. so please let your husband be in the know. God gave him broad shoulders for a reason
If you feel like talking off line then please feel free to contact me. I understand the different emotions you must be going through right now. I pray that it all works out for you and the shouts of joy will never depart from our households in Jesus Name. Stay blessed.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by edakedkay: 8:38am On Nov 01, 2012|
Awwa dear, sorry CC for your loss and thanks for those words of encouragement. You know there are times i feel like i'm doing something wrong not taking my meds and then fear for the worst sets in but then i just reassured myself that all will be well. One of such times was yesterday evening. We had to eat out cos i couldnt let hubby get home & then start worrying about what to fix us for dinner and then bath us after the very stressful day he had plus having to drive,stop,walk me,drive,stop,walk me to and from the hospital. I feel guilty that he's going thru all these and everything has been about me.Honestly,i hope i'm doing the right thing. He sometimes call to remind me of my meds & then i'll just lie. I almost told him not to buy my meds yesterday when i saw the amount it all came to but then i would have blown my cover.I'm happy his boss has eased up on him as he's aware of my condition.even happier his mom will be coming around next weekend to spend some time with us. Cant wait for this to be over so we get our lives back. Thanks again love
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by chaircover: 10:19am On Nov 01, 2012|
My dear I know exactly how you feel about the guilt and that is why I offered us to talk offline but it’s a good thing uve brought it up into the open and maybe people who have gone through same can chip in.
Guilt was something I went through. I used to ask why I couldn’t be like the women who used to have twins and triplets on one go without any wahala. It really used to pain me. But you know what he used to say, he used to say that peace is better than all the children in the world and then he will go on to give me examples mostly fictitious I think LOL (cos I never know any of these people he is using as examples) of kids who beat their parents, killed their parents, drove their parents to hypertension and so on.
The only thing you can do is to show him appreciation. Thank him when he does things for you and pray for strength for him. It will give him the motivation to continue whatever he is doing because everyone likes to be appreciated.
I want you to also remember that God brought you two together for a reason. Our parents often pray that we should not take someone else’s bone. Your husband is from God and he compliments you, just as you compliment him. That is why I am Mrs CC and not Mrs AA, Mrs BB or Mrs DD. God knows both your needs and therefore put you together to help each other. Right now he is helping you through difficult pregnancy’s and I am sure that there will be a day in this long journey of marriage that you too will be there strong for him too.
I wish you a safe delivery in Jesus Name
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by SeanBell: 10:44am On Nov 01, 2012|
I sympathize with you on what you are going through...Have been ttc for a while till i just got pregnant,currently 6 weeks..
My greatest concern for you is your medication..I'm speaking from the medical aspect..
If your condition has to do with your bp,it is critical that you take your meds..Sometimes,when the body isn't getting what it needs,it works extra hard to keep up(compensation) and all will seem well and then after a while things just start to fall apart cos the body cannot deal with the strain anymore,you are endangering your life and that of the child..
Remember that it is God who has given the physicians/pharmacists the knowledge to manufacture the drugs and also dispense them as they deem appropriate.It is God who gives the wisdom to prescribe medication and it is God who uses the medication to heal.
If God forbid,anything happens, your wonderful husband may never forgive himself..He may feel he should have kept an eye on you to make sure you took the meds..You are also putting stress on yourself by even lying to him..
I am kneeling down to beg you my sister,as someone who has been searching for a child,as someone who has an idea of the pain you've been through please reconsider..I have also taken countless drugs and even got tired and depressed but i persevered.I asked God to help the medicine do it's job.
However,if you have this pact with God then let it be to you according to your faith.
I'm not here to spread fear,i am just very concerned..I don't post in family section cos i don't like this place but you caught my attention.
God bless you dear and your amazing husband,people like him are hard to find.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by edakedkay: 10:52am On Nov 01, 2012|
hahaha@ fictitious stories.you may not know the individuals he used as examples but i tell you these things happen. My mum's friend,a SAN, was slaughtered by her only son. Guy was always high on thing or the other. How many children have you got? Have you 2 considered adoption? Yeah,about the appreciation bit,bobo don tire to hear that one o. He said i should prepare to thank him properly after all this is over.whatever that means. Ah! Marriage,the only institution you get your cert before even starting. The Lord'll see us all through. You've been such a soul lifter. Thank you
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by chaircover: 11:15am On Nov 01, 2012|
We have two o! na only long throat dey do me sef and If you see the Christmas present list one of them gave me . . . .I nearly fainted so don’t mind me. I was seeing things like Ipad mini, Blackberry curve . . . pikin wey never reach 10 years o!
Appreciation can be shown in many different ways so I am sure you still have lots of ideas up your sleeve
Oya promise me that you will go and take your meds now now! otherwise I wont talk to you again
@seanbell congrats my sista. May God see you thorough the journey and your bundle of joy will soon be in your arms in by His grace.
Serubobo abeg no vex o! we have totally derailed your thread. . . but I am sure that you understand that us ladies love to have a natter
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by edakedkay: 11:17am On Nov 01, 2012|
Yeah,my condition is bp related. I've had my share of meds. I do think about everything you've put up here and truly it scares me but then my faith is so strong that it can turn black to white in a second. I know God wont fail me.
Away from me, congrats SeanBell for keeping the faith. We'll all have testimonies to share to the glory of God.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by SeanBell: 11:24am On Nov 01, 2012|
Thanks Madam CC
E no easy at all,Amen to that
I will still keep begging you .Now you've confirmed it's a bp thing i'm even more worried but you know what's best for you i guess..
Kudos on the faith and thanks a lot.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by edakedkay: 11:30am On Nov 01, 2012|
my sister you don enter be that o. These children wont kill us. My soon to be 3 yrs old, told daddy that he likes his car very much. That he should take good care of it so he'll drive it when he grows up. I was shocked o. Dunno where he got the idea from. CC darling,how about you tell me you'll be praying for me daily instead of me taking my meds? I know you'll do that. (((((hugs))))) Thanks in advance.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Sisi_Kill: 11:31am On Nov 01, 2012|
I guess insomnia is the order of the day. . .
It is not a mistake you came upon this thread. It is a thread of Happy New beginnings after many difficulties and this will also be your portion. I don't have much to say, CC and SeanBell have said it all. I'll just like to third their advice about the meds. Please, Please, Please start taking your meds I beg of you. They were prescribed for a purpose, please let them serve that purpose. I understand about faith, I truly do and another aspect of it is having faith the meds work as they should.
By the grace of God, come early next year. . .we will be taking another round of Aso Ebi for e-naming.
It is well with you and yours. ((((((((HUGS))))))))))
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 2:15pm On Nov 01, 2012|
edakedkay: I hope i won't be derailing this thread o.
@edakedkay. No, you haven't derailed the thread. God brought you to this thread for a purpose and my able sistas have shown you beyond any reasonable doubt that you need to take your meds. Wish I could talk more, but I'm on my way to work, it's my birthday and I'm late. The Lord will deliver you Himself IJN. Never again will you experience sorrow in your household. He will turn your mourning into dancing again and His name shall forever be glorified in your life. You shall not die, but live to see your grandchildren in good health and prosperity. The goodness of the Lord shall never depart from you. Your husband is a blessed man and the Lord will increase him to continue to be your pillar of strength. Later.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Tgirl4real(f): 3:47pm On Nov 01, 2012|
It's ur birthday?
Happy birthday Serubawon . . . Do I get the birthday cake?
I wish u many years of good health and ending joy.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Chaulay1: 4:19pm On Nov 01, 2012|
Happy birthday, Serubawon.
@edakedkay- It is well with you. This is a word for you:
" There shall nothing cast their young, nor be barren, in thy land: the number of thy days I will fulfil" Exo 23:26
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Tgirl4real(f): 4:22pm On Nov 01, 2012|
Sisi_Kill: I guess insomnia is the order of the day. . .
Mail me jor
Amen to ur prayers.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by chaircover: 5:55am On Nov 02, 2012|
Happy belated Birthday serubawon. May God bless you with many more happy years filled with His blessings, Joy and good health Amen
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Analytical(m): 3:47pm On Nov 02, 2012|
Happy Birthday to a great guy! Been so busy I missed this. May you experience joy as you have never experienced before henceforth. As you step into a new year, a new chapter is opened for you. Break forth into the season you have long expected in Jesus name. Congrats and welcome to your season of joy unspeakable.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Analytical(m): 3:51pm On Nov 02, 2012|
@edakedkay, your story is touching. Like others have said, please don't neglect your drugs. Take them while you keep praying for your healing. Besides, you are betraying your great husband by not taking them since he is not aware. He has enough on his hands. I'm sure you can do that. Take care of your health. God bless and keep you to term. Cheers.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by ThiefOfHearts(f): 7:17pm On Nov 02, 2012|
I wouldnt trust Naija meds either.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 7:53pm On Nov 02, 2012|
chaircover: Happy belated Birthday serubawon. May God bless you with many more happy years filled with His blessings, Joy and good health Amen
@CC. Thank you so much. The cake looked so good I almost felt like ripping it off the screen. Thanking all those who wished me well, getting older is truly an exasperating experience. May the Lord reward you all beyond your wildest expectations.
@Analytical. Good to hear from you bro and thanks for the confession of faith. I am truly stepping into a wonderfully new phase in my life and excitement is an under statement. Never seen so many Facebook birthday comments. I am truly blessed. I claim this season of joy unspeakable. Cheers.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by edakedkay: 8:19pm On Nov 02, 2012|
Belated birthday wishes Serubawon. May heaven always be available to hear you at all times. Thanks everyone for dropping your very valuable inputs. Been off here cos i was taken in yesterday evening. Bp had reached roof top, 210/160.was knocked off with some meds &IVs.got one on my foot now. After oga had settled in y'day, we were just having our usual debate of our preferred sex of the baby. I want a boy abeg. He's been so excited,picked the name Leona already. He's so expectant. I thought about all the what ifs. I went & brought all my hidden stuff and showed them to him. Mr: why are you showing them to me? Me: i havent taken them. Mr: then take them nao. Me: as in havent been taking them. Never taken them. he stared at me without a saying a word, then i heard "you're wicked,very wicked". He grabbed his and rang the doc & told her.On our way i tried to make explanations but he didnt say a thing. He was sweating in his eyes (you know guys dont cry) all through. Forunately, dr's house is within the hospital's premises.I was immediately given injections and then the drips.Woke up 3ish this afternoon. My sister is here to relieve him. He's gone home now. He still hasn't said a word to me. I over heard him tell my sister he'll be back. You see, i've taken so much drugs & i've lost count of the number of times i've been in & out of the hospital in the last 2 yrs +. There are times that i'll go for a routine check up and then i'll end up being admitted. Even without being pregnant my life has more or less been drugs dependent since i first became pregnant(crying). I wont even mention how many needles have probed me in search of veins. So when i say "i'm tired of drugs &hospitals",i mean every single word of it. For God sakes, I'm only 29. Why should i be having issues with blood pressure? My mom never had any issues with pregnancies,my sisters as well. Dunno why mine is different. There are loads of my mates out there having the time of their life,so why is mine different? Dr says it'll only be for a while as it was triggered by the first pregnancy. I want to stay positive bcz I know I'm still in God's plan.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Tgirl4real(f): 10:27pm On Nov 02, 2012|
I'm so sorry about your story sis. God will surely shine his face upon u and grant ur heart desires. It is well.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Sisi_Kill: 10:34pm On Nov 02, 2012|
I just got all goosebumpy at your last post Edakedkay! God will continue to watch over you.
Uncle Seru. . .Happy Birthday oh! Many Happy Returns of the day! This new year you are embarking with bring with it unlimited joy and happiness and continuous jubilation.
Lmfao! I have replied!!
ThiefOfHearts: I wouldnt trust Naija meds either.
This your slipping in and out before anyone notices has gotta stop
Where have you been? I hope Sandy didn't reach your side oh.
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by jennykadry(f): 11:15pm On Nov 02, 2012|
Woman, do you want to kill yourself? Before you decide not to take your meds, buy a blood pressure machine, urinalysis and a blood glucose kit and keep in your house. Test your self daily with it before you decide not to take your meds. Your husband has a right to be angry at you. This man has spent so much on medications just for you to turn around and drop them all at his feet.
210/160? You know Pre eclampsia is very rampany these days. A pregnant womans blood pressure which exceeds 140/90 gets detained for that reason alone. Those meds are heart medications and maybe some vitamins as well, I am guessing and there were prescribed for a reason.
God truly orders the footstep of the righteous, thank God you came here.if they hasn't advised you to tell your husband, you would have and your blood pressure would have knocked you out. We don't wanna loose you woman.
I wish you well. I honesty do
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by jennykadry(f): 11:21pm On Nov 02, 2012|
Serubobo, happy belated. I am hoping Olori did you well ehn?
|Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by jennykadry(f): 11:27pm On Nov 02, 2012|
TOH, Eku se o
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