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Stats: 1258664 members, 1698564 topics. Date: Thursday, 23 October 2014 at 09:40 AM

Adjusting To Life As A Widower - Family (22) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Adjusting To Life As A Widower (52429 Views)

Poll: How has this thread helped you to appreciate your spouse better and positively affect your relationship?

Very Positive: 90% (9 votes)
Good: 0% (0 votes)
Fair: 10% (1 vote)
Not Really: 0% (0 votes)
Not At All: 0% (0 votes)
This poll has ended

Wearing Your Wedding Band As A Widow/widower / Why Do We Have More Widow Than Widower? / Getting Married To A Widower (1) (2) (3) (4)

(0) (1) (2) ... (19) (20) (21) (22) (23) (24) (25) ... (35) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by salsera(f): 8:17pm On Nov 15, 2012
serubawon:

@Salsera. Why am I not surprised you said that? wink
just appreciating those who have what I want wink
besides havent been to a wedding in ages so an e-one would do
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 10:55pm On Nov 15, 2012
salsera:
just appreciating those who have what I want wink
besides havent been to a wedding in ages so an e-one would do

Gotcha!!! One e-wedding coming up!
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Jarus(m): 4:40pm On Nov 26, 2012
serubawon: It's been a while since i've been on this thread. It's really nice of all the people that have contributed one way or the other. Well, fear not. I'm not rushing into marriage or anything. I owe my kids some quality time with their dad. Also, i actually posted this thread in 2006, so i'm actually 39 now. It's funny how time flies. It's been difficult, but God has been faithful. We'll see how the story continues. Thanks everyone.
And you're now 43. Time keeps flying.

Pele ore.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 1:51pm On Nov 27, 2012
Jarus:
And you're now 43. Time keeps flying.

Pele ore.

@Jarus. Actually, I was 44 on the 1st of November. Old age approaches fast, fast. Time does fly, but God is continuously faithful to me and mine o. My life has been a roller coaster event, but I am thankful to God. wink

1 Like

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by lastpage: 7:04pm On Nov 27, 2012
edakedkay: Had her on Sunday @ approx 6 months & 2 weeks. Yet to she her though. Hope she lives to be called Leona as daddy wants. My dears, sorry for keeping you all waiting. Well,the waiting continues for us. Thanks to everyone of you for your prayers and good wishes. God bless you all. Be back later

Hey hey!
I just saw this thread today!...... since 2006! Lord have mercy, what have l been reading?

@edakedkay:
Its the Lords doing........ and it is marvelous!
No shaking, nothing do you, walahi! grin
That baby, God-willing, will surprise you. She will be the harbinger of good things in your life and your family.

I had my baby-girl at 28weeks! She was just like "Jelly" (l hate to say this but back then, it reminds me of the intestine of a cow! There was nothing to even hold since the whole 'thing' is yet to jell-together and form a proper human-being!)
For the next four months, l drive to the hospital twice everyday (Breakfast and dinner for mother, to see if the 'thing' is finally coming together to be a baby!).
But right there under my eyes, l saw the glory of God manifest (and it makes me wonder all that Bull-shyte called "Big-bang" and how we came about by Evolution!

Today, she is as beautiful as ever!
Take heart, God has given you joy and he would not take it back.

@Serubawon:
Did l hear you say you are just 44?
Well, that means you are yet to begin primary school ...since life begins at 40years! wink wink
Small Boy like yourself, prepare to start living life and enjoy what the Lord has done for you.

When you are 65 or 70, then you can start planning to "grow old"!
Your thread has been very inspiring though l just stumbled on it after six years! Holy Cow!!

I have not read all the 2o-something pages yet but l will take my time, walahi!

God will fill-in the missing blanks and replenish you big time.

Cheers.

Lastpage!
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 10:26pm On Nov 27, 2012
@Lastpage. A big AMEN to that prayer o. Yes, 44 years old. Trust me, I can FEEL it now o. I went over the whole thread from the beginning and I almost couldn't believe say na me. God is just too good. The best is yet to come IJN. The story continues..........

P.S. @edakedkay. How far now? We are waiting for more news. I pray your baby is doing very well and you are also in good health. Abeg, don't leave us in the dark ke?
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by spoilt(f): 2:58pm On Dec 06, 2012
She is probably camping in the hospital with the little one.
How is everyone preparing for Christmas?
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 3:12pm On Dec 06, 2012
spoilt: She is probably camping in the hospital with the little one.
How is everyone preparing for Christmas?

I pray so. Just concerned that we haven't heard from her. Unfortunately, I'm working on Christmas. Deadlines to meet. What about you and yours?
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by yoged(m): 10:32pm On Dec 06, 2012
@ Mr serubawon, hello to you. Came accross this page for the 1st time right now, I swear to God, I shed tears. Its not really easy loosing a loved ones. I lost my dad Dec 28 1998. I think I was still in Jss class back then, I really find it hard to believe coz I had a close relationship with my dad. I can still remember clearly how he used to carry me on his shoulder to watch france 98 world cup at his brother's house whenever there is no light. Am still picturing how my 2 elder brothers will paired up, while I and my dad will paired up playing football together... He was sicked for almost 4 month, admitted without the doctor knowing the real cause of his sickness.. Mum never remarried and always called us her husband. She is just the best.... Uncle serubawon, ur children are your wife right now, always be there for them sir. May God be with you and likewise protect you and your children. Please my regards to your children sir.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by spoilt(f): 2:11am On Dec 07, 2012
Yoged,
It is well. Thank God for strong women. Many widows dont remarry. Dunno how they do it.

serubawon
I'm working chrismas eve. No respite. We are in chrismas mood sha. The tree is up.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by yoged(m): 11:28am On Dec 07, 2012
spoilt: Yoged,
It is well. Thank God for strong women. Many widows dont remarry. Dunno how they do it.

serubawon
I'm working chrismas eve. No respite. We are in chrismas mood sha. The tree is up.
thanks
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 7:36pm On Dec 07, 2012
@Yoged. Only God understands why things like this happen, but as the bible says, His thoughts towards us are of good and not evil. In time, the pain heals. It never goes away completely, but it heals. The good thing is, no matter how difficult and painful it is, we have the assurance that God never fails and He feels our pain. Only He knows how to give succor and peace. Stay strong and thank you for the kind words.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 4:11pm On Dec 09, 2012
spoilt:
serubawon
I'm working chrismas eve. No respite. We are in chrismas mood sha. The tree is up.

Na wa o. I haven't even brought the tree out yet. Not looking forward to putting it up, but my kids will kill me if I don't.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by segun688: 9:41pm On Dec 09, 2012
hi serubawon, i stumbled across this thread, it is incredible and very inspiring. Your journey has been an inspiration.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 10:22pm On Dec 09, 2012
segun688: hi serubawon, i stumbled across this thread, it is incredible and very inspiring. Your journey has been an inspiration.

To God be the glory my brother. Difficult trials always lead to great testimonies. This is my great testimony slowly unfolding. grin

1 Like

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 5:23pm On Dec 24, 2012
Another outstanding year has gone by. Looking forward to what's in store for 2013. Merry Christmas everyone!!!

1 Like

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by shushu(f): 7:01pm On Dec 24, 2012
merry christmas
and all the best with olori
(long time silent reader of serubawons life)
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 7:37pm On Dec 24, 2012
shushu: merry christmas
and all the best with olori
(long time silent reader of serubawons life)

Thank you very much. Merry Christmas to you too.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Ruedan(f): 2:34pm On Dec 25, 2012
Merry Christmas 2 u all
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 7:12pm On Dec 25, 2012
Ruedan: Merry Christmas 2 u all

And a Merry Christmas to you too. Have a wonderful new year.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Kunbee: 1:27am On Dec 26, 2012
Congratulations
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 8:33am On Jan 01, 2013
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Tgirl4real(f): 12:25pm On Jan 01, 2013
serubawon: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year Serubawon.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Winneygirl(f): 3:51pm On Jan 01, 2013
serubawon: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I jst read d whole 6yrs of dis thread. Whn I saw Ur 'happy new year' on 01/Jan/2012, I tot 2myself, "1 year 2 go".

I admire Ur inner strength. Somtimes I think I'm strong, but some other times.....??
I read every post & I have jst one question.

How do U remain in a state of being 'hopeful'?

Cos I slip in & out, but almost can't stay there.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 7:23pm On Jan 01, 2013
Winneygirl:

I jst read d whole 6yrs of dis thread. Whn I saw Ur 'happy new year' on 01/Jan/2012, I tot 2myself, "1 year 2 go".

I admire Ur inner strength. Somtimes I think I'm strong, but some other times.....??
I read every post & I have jst one question.

How do U remain in a state of being 'hopeful'?

Cos I slip in & out, but almost can't stay there.

Complicated question, but here goes. How do I remain in a state of being 'hopeful'? God's grace encompasses everything. Without God, I'm sure I would have either gone stark raving mad or done something so stupidly ridiculous that this story might have turned out completely opposite in nature.

This is the 1st time in 8 years that I did not post anything about my late wife on my facebook page. That was the sign (to me), that I am ready to move on. Moving on is a crucial step and if you're not ready or sure, it can be a costly one. I know for a fact that I am moving on with the right person and waiting for 8 years has not been in vain. Other men (and women) have moved on in a fraction of the time it took me, but every individual is different. My hope comes from God's strength, wisdom and patience. You take 1 day at a time and learn from every mistake along the way. I almost made a mistake of marrying the wrong person last year, but I learned a big lesson from that experience. The lesson? Never compromise. It might take a while, but only choose that 1 person that would be your soulmate and you would compliment each other. Olori is the 1st woman that I have never compared to my late wife (not even once). I would never have thought that I would be with someone that is a complete contrast to what I thought was the standard for me to make a choice. However, here I am; preparing to get married and not having a single fiber of fear in my body. That is part of my state of being hopeful. I don't know your story, but I believe that if you trust in God and allow Him to guide you, you can't fail. You'll definitely make mistakes along the way and no one said it would be an easy ride. However, no matter how bumpy the ride is, the important thing is for you to safely arrive at the right destination.

I really wish you the best and if it worked out for me (after 8 years), it'll work out for you too. Have a wonderful year ahead. smiley
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Tgirl4real(f): 12:43pm On Jan 02, 2013
Winneygirl:

I jst read d whole 6yrs of dis thread. Whn I saw Ur 'happy new year' on 01/Jan/2012, I tot 2myself, "1 year 2 go".

I admire Ur inner strength. Somtimes I think I'm strong, but some other times.....??
I read every post & I have jst one question.

How do U remain in a state of being 'hopeful'?

Cos I slip in & out, but almost can't stay there.

This is like a million dollar question.

I have been through a lot myself. Several times I'm almost giving up. Some times, I would have decided to give up, but the zeal comes back from no where and I find myself right back in the center of God's will and love. I just don't know how He does it. Left to me, I would have given up donkey years ago.

The good news sis, is that you are still in. You slip out, but u still find yourself back on track. We see people smiling and going on like they don't have challenges. Believe me, we all do, but we have decided to let go and let God.

Basically, the key is trusting God. Just like Serubawon said, it takes only God stay sane in this crazy world. His grace and mercies are sufficient to see us through. Hold on and never lose hope.

It is well dear.

2 Likes

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Winneygirl(f): 10:45pm On Jan 02, 2013
@Serubawon & Tgirl4real,
Ur words ar so encouraging...

When I'm hopeful, I'm so hopeful I can barely contain it. D thrill, d excitement, d zeal, d certainty dat I can achieve jst abt anythn dat I want.

When d hopelessness creeps in, I'm just....hopeless...

Then there's dat state of being numb. Blank! D word dat comes 2my mind is 'Cellophane'. U can see right thru me, walk right by me, even walk thru me, & I'll just not feel anythn.

I jst realized dat I was in d 'Numb' state for abt 9 months last year. I went down 2 d 'Hopeless' state 4 2weeks in september, then went back 2 numb. It was in december I started 2 feel dat thrill again, dat state of wanting more, of being hopeful....and whn I pray, I hav dis clarity in my mind...and I dont want 2 it 2 slip frm me...

I'm sorry dis is so long...I feel like I'm tainting dis thread wit wat shld nt be on dis thread...

I wish we'd hear frm Edakedkay...

P.S: Dis epistle requires some 'Analytical' skills. Where art thou??
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by serubawon(m): 12:59am On Jan 03, 2013
@Winneygirl. I think you might need to tell us what your going through 1st. That's what the thread is all about in the 1st place. So, you're not derailing the thread in anyway. If you feel like sharing, please do. Trust me, it helps.
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Tgirl4real(f): 10:38am On Jan 03, 2013
Hi Winneygirl,

My first response to your post isn't complete. I can't believe I replied you with out including these 2 things:

1. Fellowship : I want to believe u are a Christian based on the things u said. You need to be in constant fellowship with people of like minds and what I mean by that is believers. Ensure you spend more time with people that will encourage you in the way of the Lord.

I know what it is to be numb, but being numb for a whole 9months?? I can imagine what that meant for you. Our human soul needs to be nourished constantly with God's word, just like we nourish our earthly body with food.

This brings me to the second thing; Prayer and the Word. U should encourage yourself by spending more time to pray and study.

Believe me, when u are numb, it's difficult to get urself going. Praying and studying comes difficult. I know! But dear sis, that's what we need to keep going. God's word is food to our soul, communication with him fuels our engine - it revitalises our soul and gives us strength.

You can't separate yourself from these things -fellowship, word and prayer if you really wanna stay afloat.

Never isolate yourself. Spend time with people and try to share what you are going through, it helps. And always remember that you are not alone in what you are going through.

I have been through a lot too. . . I'm always thanking God for the wonderful people he has sounded me with. These people gave me a shoulder to cry on and their encouraging words spur me on. We are humans, we will always have ups n downs.

I'm moved to tears as I type. I don't know you, but I will offer a word of prayer for you and pray God continue to uphold you and keep you strong. Amen.

I will look for Analytical for you.

Stay blessed!

1 Like

Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by EfemenaXY: 10:53am On Jan 03, 2013
Happy New Year Serubawon.

Wishing you and your family the lord's blessings and happiness. cheesy
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Analytical(m): 4:38pm On Jan 03, 2013
Happy New Year to all wonderful friends here. You were a great part of my 2012 and I can only pray that we will all live to enjoy greater things in 2013. Welcome aboard Flight 2013!

@Serubawon, please the whole house is waiting o. How is Olori? I'm sure the Lord is busy at work in your relationship. This has to be that year we have all waited for. Can I hear an Amen?
Re: Adjusting To Life As A Widower by Analytical(m): 4:41pm On Jan 03, 2013
Tgirl4real:
I will look for Analytical for you.

Well said overthere Tgirl, well said. Well, you sure looked for me!

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