Mzgracie:
Gosh! You are so heartless. Is this a Christmas gift or a New year gift?...


What's wrong with you telling him your problems? You simply wanna break his heart.


Well, just know that there are lots of girls dying to be in your shoes right now.

re u?

nieema:

My name isn't Beyonce...I'm not ballin' like that yet!!LOL
But I hope God grants you ALL of your heart's desires.

I just don't know why I like you...
Well my advice dear.. Happiness is a thing of the heart.. You can look for hapiness from here to London if u r not happy with yourself you cant find happiness.. So dear work on yaself. No need breaking up with him, explain things to him.. Sometimes you might need your space, sometimes you will surely want him around.. Breaking up with him won't give u d happiness u r looking for.. Just work on yasef.. That's all..

I like you.. Just ya name makes me like you.. Welcome to nairaland though!! You will get used to d insults soon

nieema:

Yes, I agree it may help to share my problems with him. I will.

Hi Nieema, you seem like a really nice person and that you love your boyfriend. A compromise in a relationship is not getting out of it because things have now become inconvenient. The major issue in this relationship as I see it is that you are giving more than you are getting (You said so yourself). The fact that you focus more on his needs more than yours affirms that you love him. I hope you are a Christian because you need deep understanding of 1 Corinthians 13 (read it from either Message or NIV).

You cannot continue solving problems the way you have always done, as others have said, what if you were married what would you do. If you actually had plans to marry this guy someday then you shouldn't end this relationship to sort yourself out - it is a very selfish act, but if you guys don't have an actual future planned out, by all means jet off.

I once delayed my relocation out of Nigeria for several years because the person I was dating didn't want long distance relationship and she was in school, we still broke up in her service year but I never regretted my decision for one day, I truly loved her and I wanted to marry her.

A quick note though, friendships after relationship rarely works even if that was the basis for the relationship. You will still have feelings for each other and moving on will be so difficult. My ex wanted same and I kindly objected.

The decision ultimately is yours and from what you have written since I think you mind is made up already. I wish you all the best.

aflyingbird:

What does he need in a gf? Are u trying to shift the blame on him now? U want to break up with him because you're not happy with yourself and want to focus on your life, not about what he needs in a gf. I bet he's a good guy himself. Him not wanting to break up with you though u have issues means he wants to stick with u. Most guys would've dipped after sensing ur insecurities. Let me break it down for u: folks don't just wake up one day realizing they need to take care of themselves all of a sudden. If u feel like this, then you've always felt like this, way before u began ur relationship with him. U probably shouldn't have gotten into the relationship because u were not emotionally ready to handle it from the start. Now that I know this, u should break up with him because u don't love him like u want to maintain and u are not emotionally mature enough to handle the relationship. If he's smart enough he would move on himself. A relationship shouldn't be by force.

I don't play the blame game..it's pointless. You are absolutely, I've always felt like I should take care of myself...still not getting your point sir.
He's not most guys and I'm not most gals. I'm not interested in emotional rants. I'd like to get some constructive feedback if you have any to offer please.

WOMEN ARE CANTANKEROUS FROM A PARTICULAR TO THE GENERAL.

kaboninc:


He asks you about your problems (because he cares) not because he can solve it but listening to it makes him be a part of it and tells you that he has willingly committed himself to it. But you wouldn't tell him (going by your comments here).

Yet you know he has a financial problem for which he STRONGLY needs help but rejects your offer? In fact YOUR own offer? You guys are in a relationship but still not in a relationship. You keep ur problems personal and he keeps his and you two know about it.

From now till whenever, he may never accept your gift because I feel he's excluded from you. Men, especially when we're facing financial difficulties, that's one of our most vulnerable situation and we need the complete support from our partner. That guy will be hurt and see will see that gift from you as a compensation.

Am not saying you shouldn't break up, but as someone rightly said, a problem shared is half solved. When you do break up, he'll be only interested in that particular personal issue you want to resolve. He'll ask you when you two talk about it. Until he knows, he'll never give up.

And in the future, learn to share your problems may bits to your partner and fully anonymously.

Yes sir, thank you.

nieema:
I've been trying to end my 2 year relationship for a few months. There are several reasons but the MAIN reason is that I am NOT happy with myself. I need to make some adjustments to improve my life and I need some space to refocus. I love him but I don't NEED to be in a relationship at this time with anyone. We promised each other that we would always be honest about how we were feeling. I reminded him of this when I tried to break things off six weeks ago. I told him that I would still be there for him if he needed anything. I respect him but I need to take care of some things in my peronal life that require my full attention.
I proposed that we go back to being friends but he rejected my offer. Even though we started as friends he said he isnt willing to have a friendship with me if I end the relationship. I don't think it's fair because I've been genuinely good to him. After much consideration and further frustration, I've decided to break it off tonight face to face. At the moment he is having some financial difficulties and I plan to gift him 40k to help ease the sting. I hope he undersatands that I sincerely care for him as I refocus on my own life.
Would you guys/ladies feel better if your honey left you with a break up gift?..or no??

simple d guy is broke and u want to dump him and look for a better well to do guy. which one b refocus my life blablabla. wetin u wan refocus? ur life na camera lens.?

galaxi:
i understand how you feel when he rejects your financial help but honestly,a real man finds it hard to accept a gift he can't afford.
my gf is comfortable and have always tried helping me stand on my feet financially but i have always turned it down,even a car gift. I can't say if it is pride but is very hard for me but i know i love her.
I advice you just talk over this issues with him,and don't break up with him.

I get what you are saying. Just hard watching a person struggle and sitting there doing nothing to help. Maybe my timing was off a bit.

nieema:

I don't play the blame game..it's pointless. You are absolutely RIGHT, I've always felt like I should take care of myself...still not getting your point sir.
He's not most guys and I'm not most gals. I'm not interested in emotional rants. I'd like to get some constructive feedback if you have any to offer please.

u don't play the blame game but u suddenly brought up the comment about what he needs in a gf, as if he's demanding. u must be a blind reader or u can't comprehend. i don't sugarcoat things, i told u like it is. don't pretend like u didn't get my posts. break up with him and work on urself, ok? got it?

Newkidoo:

I just don't know why I like you...
Well my advice dear.. Happiness is a thing of the heart.. You can look for hapiness from here to London if u r not happy with yourself you cant find happiness.. So dear work on yaself. No need breaking up with him, explain things to him.. Sometimes you might need your space, sometimes you will surely want him around.. Breaking up with him won't give u d happiness u r looking for.. Just work on yasef.. That's all..

I like you.. Just ya name makes me like you.. Welcome to nairaland though!! You will get used to d insults soon

100% TRUE Sir, thank you for the kind reminder. I love nairalanders, they speak their minds o.

nieema:

100% TRUE Sir, thank you for the kind reminder. I love nairalanders, they speak their minds o.

You are welcome.. Are you here to stay or just here because of this topic
If it is the former, will like to be ya friend..

aflyingbird:
u don't play the blame game but u suddenly brought up the comment about what he needs in a gf, as if he's demanding. u must be a blind reader or u can't comprehend. i don't sugarcoat things, i told u like it is. don't pretend like u didn't get my posts. break up with him and work on urself, ok? got it?

@ the bold: You are repeating what I originally posted...you'll get no argument from me. Sugar is not something I'm a big fan of either. I never mentioned anything about him being demanding. You made your own assumptions. Perhaps you can allow your hostility to subside and think about what you're really trying to convey to me. I don't know what your point is. Thank you for correcting my grammatical error...it happens.

Newkidoo:

You are welcome.. Are you here to stay or just here because of this topic
If it is the former, will like to be ya friend..

I've been around here for a while. I finally registered today because I need some honest feedback. I know nairalanders would give it unedited.

nieema:

I've been around here for a while. I finally registered today because I need some honest feedback. I know nairalanders would give it unedited.

Ok.. So u r not staying... Well will see you around when you need another honest feedback.. But hope the feedbacks have helped?

Lala247:



Lol clearly not well

guessed right then

[quote author=aperture11 post=29264400]

Hi Nieema, you seem like a really nice person and that you love your boyfriend. A compromise in a relationship is not getting out of it because things have now become inconvenient. The major issue in this relationship as I see it is that you are giving more than you are getting (You said so yourself). The fact that you focus more on his needs more than yours affirms that you love him. I hope you are a Christian because you need deep understanding of 1 Corinthians 13 (read it from either Message or NIV).

You cannot continue solving problems the way you have always done, as others have said, what if you were married what would you do. If you actually had plans to marry this guy someday then you shouldn't end this relationship to sort yourself out - it is a very selfish act, but if you guys don't have an actual future planned out, by all means jet off.

I once delayed my relocation out of Nigeria for several years because the person I was dating didn't want long distance relationship and she was in school, we still broke up in her service year but I never regretted my decision for one day, I truly loved her and I wanted to marry her.

A quick note though, friendships after relationship rarely works even if that was the basis for the relationship. You will still have feelings for each other and moving on will be so difficult. My ex wanted same and I kindly objected.

The decision ultimately is yours and from what you have written since I think you mind is made up already. I wish you all the best.[/quo te]
Yes sir,
I read it, thank you. I should probably read that on a regular.
Bold text: I'm thinking you are right, although a hard pill to swallow.
I am Christian enough not to respond in kind to some of these nasty insults. Does that count for anything?

nieema:

I have considered this and that is why I agreed to continue with him as til now. Before we began dating, we were good friends. It was a supportive relationship without any romance, we were there for each other without any dating relationship. I thought that friendship was d foundation of our relationship. I wonder how he can throw all of it away?? just because I am trying to figure out some personal issues...how is that love?

Listen to yourself.., you are the one throwing everything away because you are the woman and women do have public sympathy all day long even if they are wrong.

If the guy truly loves you, I am sure you will end up regretting all your actions from today. I have been in similar situations 2 years ago.. Believe me, the girl in questions is still at the receiving end.

Karma is a biatch!

The guy is having financial problems and you are not happy that you chose a man who can't provide. It is very clear to me..because you should not be breaking a relationship to focus on yourself if you really loved the guy. Afterall, people prefer their lover around as they make progress in life. What exactly do you want to do? Take a course abroad or what? It is good you clearly tell the man the truth. O boy I don tire for you as you no get money! Make I go hustle guy weh get. Stop pretending it is nit about financial status.

nieema:

@ the bold: You are repeating what I originally posted...you'll get no argument from me. Sugar is not something I'm a big fan of either. I never mentiojavascript:void(0);ned anything about him being demanding. You made your own assumptions. Perhaps you can allow your hostility to subside and think about what you're really trying to convey to me. I don't know what your point is. Thank you for correcting my grammatical error...it happens.

lmao. i ain't being hostile, i'm not being nicey nicey to u like some folks r, straight no chaser here. i told u to work on urself, i see u really should do that now. u keep telling me u don't understand my point, u be mumu ni? . u've admitted u need to work on urself, i told u u've likely felt this way before u started this relationship, u admitted this too and u are not emotionally mature to handle this relationship. u felt this way from the jump, u feel this way today u will feel this way tomorrow. if u know u can't be in a relationship and work on urself at the same time then free the guy and do the needful for urself. better for both of u. a relationship is not by force n whatever u do stay away from relationships till u are really ready or u will keep breaking up with men prematurely! UNDERSTOOD?!

nairaman66:


Listen to yourself.., you are the one throwing everything away because you are the woman and women do have public sympathy all day long even if they are wrong.

If the guy truly loves you, I am sure you will end up regretting all your actions from today. I have been in similar situations 2 years ago.. Believe me, the girl in questions is still at the receiving end.

Karma is a biatch!

Indeed she is. I've been faithful and supportive to the best of my ability and honest above all else. So Karma and I can kick it anytime.

dinachi:
The guy is having financial problems and you are not happy that you chose a man who can't provide. It is very clear to me..because you should not be breaking a relationship to focus on yourself if you really loved the guy. Afterall, people prefer their lover around as they make progress in life. What exactly do you want to do? Take a course abroad or what? It is good you clearly tell the man the truth. O boy I don tire for you as you no get money! Make I go hustle guy weh get. Stop pretending it is nit about financial status.

It appears that you may have skipped over my previous post. I make my own money and I'm ok. It appears to be a strange concept for some to grasp but plenty of women are handling their business in the financial department. I've been dependent on a bf income and hopefully never will. He can attest to that himself.

*NEVER been*

nieema:

I love and respect him. I hope to have a future with him one day.
How am I supposed to keep giving him my best when I dont feel good about my life. I know I may lose him. But sometimes I feel like I've already lost myself under the pressure of relationship obligations...my own emotional energy is low. I just ask him for consideration to allow me space and a little time to recharge. I love him no doubt and have told him this much.

I don't believe u. What's it dt u can't share wt him. Or is he the cause of ur problems. I am married and can be frustrating sometimes but no matter what I am happy I married her. If u think u can have a future wt him why not solve the problems wt him. It's either u have a better person and the person is already buying his place in ur heart and u re trying to pay him off or u re tired of him cos u have realized he's not ur kind or class of person. My opinion though!

Mzgracie:
Gosh! You are so heartless. Is this a Christmas gift or a New year gift?...


What's wrong with you telling him your problems? You simply wanna break his heart.


Well, just know that there are lots of girls dying to be in your shoes right now.

u are right, mzgracie. she will learn when she breaks up with him and he finds a better, suitable person for himself. she thinks she's all dat n a bag of chips but she can get replaced. she will be crying later when dude's already moved on with better person.

temitemi1:
No amount can buy my love...

IIncluding 3 trillion pounds??

PrettySpicey:
Of course not! How preposterous!!! *Righteous rage*

But errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, if it involves a Range Rover Sport 2014... well, I have to forgive him. Did not the Lord ask us to forgive and forget? Duh

I didn't see an incentive in that verse..... OLe ni e

aflyingbird:
lmao. i ain't being hostile, i'm not being nicey nicey to u like some folks r, straight no chaser here. i told u to work on urself, i see u really should do that now. u keep telling me u don't understand my point, u be mumu ni? . u've admitted u need to work on urself, i told u u've likely felt this way before u started this relationship, u admitted this too and u are not emotionally mature to handle this relationship. u felt this way from the jump, u feel this way today u will feel this way tomorrow. if u know u can't be in a relationship and work on urself at the same time then free the guy and do the needful for urself. better for both of u. a relationship is not by force n whatever u do stay away from relationships till u are really ready or u will keep breaking up with men prematurely! UNDERSTOOD?!

Review your previous comments as well as mines. You said: People don't just wake up one want to take care of themselves. My response was: I've always taken care of myself. And by that I mean my overall well being. If you calmed yourself for a second, perhaps you could stop exchanging MY WORDS for your own. I think you are trying to twist my words but you would have to wake up much earlier to pull that off, honestly.

chimchim1:

I don't believe u. What's it dt u can't share wt him. Or is he the cause of ur problems. I am married and can be frustrating sometimes but no matter what I am happy I married her. If u think u can have a future wt him why not solve the problems wt him. It's either u have a better person and the person is already buying his place in ur heart and u re trying to pay him off or u re tired of him cos u have realized he's not ur kind or class of person. My opinion though!

No sir, I'm not that kind of woman to cheat or entertain another man. He knows that's not my style. I hope he and I can have a future as well.
I appreciate your feedback.

Nmeri17:
op PA MEAT me to say you arr genuinely wicked

1. you asked yo boyfriend to free you because you wanno FOCUS on other things ostensibly more important than him

2. he agreed. and you requested to friendzone him

3. you wanno rub his financial INADEQUACIES into his face by offering him money and

4. hoarding the punny even for one last time

I suggest the FG execute you in place of the 52 soldiers on death row

you took my words!

redcliff:


Read "think and grow rich" youl make money while thinking... easy stuff

if it is by reading books, everybody would be billioniares now