LookmanTalk:
Very true, I appreciate your comment. But we cannot ignore the importance of physical attraction. You know if you are attracted to someone, even if the world says that person is ugly, their opinion wont matter to you one single bit... Agree?

She does not keep a large circle of friends and is not that outgoing so the idea of wanting to show her man off like a trophy is clearly not the case here

Physcal attraction is key, no doubt, but some girls are really superficial in there definition of physical attraction. you need to decide whether you want a celebrity or a husband.

And to me, the main reason i think the girl has not being able to find the man physically attractive is either because he's being too nice or he's not rich enough. Believe me, Models marry very ugly men and are very proud to show him off.

she does not see him as weak and sex has not in any way been mentioned here. Only physical attraction is the problem, please take note!

she does not sleep around and is a devoted Christian..

shiinihost:


good. now from the original post, you would understand that the girl and the man actually do have some kind of attraction. She says she loves his character, she says he understands her that is why they've being friends for long.

I think the ishh here is his physical appearance or his nicety. They girl sees him as weak and so is not physically attracted to him and does not feel he's someone she would have great sex with.

Eberex:
Even though i am not married, i can say this with all conviction: only love can sustain a relationship, talk less of marriage.

lol , you be pikin , love doesn't even come in the first 3 qualities to consider when you want a prosperous relationship , agreed that some level of love has to be there before any romantic relationship can be established it is however not in the first 3 to consider.

LookmanTalk:
she does not see him as weak and sex has not in any way been mentioned here. Only physical attraction is the problem, please take note!

she does not sleep around and is a devoted Christian..

what is physical attraction if not sex? abeg tell me. Physical attraction means that she doesn't find him appealing as a sex partner.

To her, the guy just has a face and even his physic does not appeal to her.. Came across as irrelevant to me too but on second thought, I understand her concern

shiinihost:


i bet you that guy that is dying for her is handsome. She just needs a never-do-well that is ready to treat her like trash. Girls love being treated like trash.

neoapocalypse:


lol , you be pikin , love doesn't even come in the first 3 qualities to consider when you want a prosperous relationship , agreed that some level of love has to be there before any romantic relationship can be established it is however not in the first 3 to consider.

then you are the kid. for real?

Nnemuka:
If you dont find him sexually attractive or imagine being in a romantic relationship pls dont marry him.
I believe he is a doctor, those ones are never appealing to me.

Sexual attraction will only survive when other qualities you have pushed aside are there , believe me when I tell you this.

she does not want someone that the world admires but someone she herself admires and finds attractive. I am telling you this lady is a good lady.

sunsewa:
Those that has fail marriage, most times are physically attractive men,because they are always under the seductive nature and pressures of Jezebel's. so better for u to brace up with God fearing man with a future.

naijadeyhia:


This is my take. Its either the said lady isnt telling you everything or you are not telling us all she told you about the guy.
However from the little you have mentioned I will say clearly that the lady is not mature and not ready for marriage. You see the problem with many ladies is this ideology that her ideal man must have certain external physical attributes like height, facial looks, body structure, complexion and stuff like that and I would say that this is surely her dilemma.
She may have a group of friends who pride themselves in talking about or showing off their supposedly handsome boyfriends or husbands and she has subconsciously imagined herself presenting this guy as her husband when he does not compare to theirs in looks or because she already probably gave them an idea of her ideal man and they would mock her for her choice.
Why would any sane matured woman want to show off her husband like he is some accessory or like he is an achievement.
She has listed out some glowing attributes of the guy and this shows there is some interest from her but other factors which she has not mentioned are making her stop short.

My advice...go ahead with the guy if he wishes to go ahead with you and his glowing attributes which you have outlined will bring out the outer looks you seek. If she is pretty then her looks would rub off on him. No man or woman is bad looking its all about how well he or she is packaged.

Thumbs up

neoapocalypse:


lol , you be pikin , love doesn't even come in the first 3 qualities to consider when you want a prosperous relationship , agreed that some level of love has to be there before any romantic relationship can be established it is however not in the first 3 to consider.

I disagree with you. what are the three qualities that comes first if i may ask?

In summary, God bless you all for ur contributions, am sure God sent the op to create this thread so that we can learn indirectly
.

@LOOKMANTALK,

I am passionate about this. I will like us to have full discussion on this - off this platform. You can reach me through adesholly04@gmail.com.

All things being equal, if this situation is not handle carefully, attraction can easy fade away even in most gorgeous man on earth.

Sir, I am just helping a friend out so I think I will rather you speak with her outside nairaland if she is willing, I will ask.. I will get back to you, really appreciate your concern.

one question please, are you married or have been in this situation in the past? Thank You

ADESTALK:
@LOOKMANTALK,

I am passionate about this. I will like us to have full discussion on this - off this platform. You can reach me through adesholly04@gmail.com.

All things being equal, if this situation is not handle carefully, attraction can easy fade away even in most gorgeous man on earth.

Eberex:


I disagree with you. what are the three qualities that comes first if i may ask?

Lol. If you have an aunt who has been happily married for at least a 2 decades , do me the favour of asking her what has kept the marriage lasting that long. If you read my post very well you'll notice I did not rule out love but it is not the most important quality to consider , physical attraction even comes lower in the rung. Let me share my pearls of wisdom with you.

Compatibility is one quality you have to consider when choosing a life partner , compatibility isn't the same as love I hope you know.

Goals - Are your goals in contrast with each other , do you share similar goals in life

Friendship - I consider this even more important than love , a relationship with a very good and close friend will last longer than one built on just purely love.

I can mention more things/qualities to consider when choosing a life partner , love alone will die if other qualities are lacking .

ProfessorPeter:
a lady dumped me because of this same excuse married to a man she 'love' and ' have a feeling for him' today, she is divorced with four children and am doing well with my beautiful wife. The question is what do you really want, a husband or a man?

I have a feeling if she had married u, she would have divorced u 1month later.
Diportivo...they've started calling me names

shiinihost:

then you are the kid. for real?

I no get time for you

neoapocalypse:



Lol. If you have an aunt who has been happily married for at least a 2 decades , do me the favour of asking her what has kept the marriage lasting that long. If you read my post very well you'll notice I did not rule out love but it is not the most important quality to consider , physical attraction even comes lower in the rung. Let me share my pearls of wisdom with you.

Compatibility is one quality you have to consider when choosing a life partner , compatibility isn't the same as love I hope you know.

Goals - Are your goals in contrast with each other , do you share similar goals in life

Friendship - I consider this even more important than love , a relationship with a very good and close friend will last longer than one built on just purely love.

I can mention more things/qualities to consider when choosing a life partner , love alone will die if other qualities are lacking .

So you know, when two people meet each other, there is first of all a physical attraction; i consider this the first thing on the list. Then comes compatibility; number two. If they find themselves compatible then they can go into being friends, that's where friendship comes in; number three.

With these three qualities, lets now have a scenario.

scenario 1: these two people continue without falling in love.

scenario 2: these two people continue and fall in love with each other.

Tell me the difference on the long run.

N/B: Love cannot die if it was real.

neoapocalypse:



Lol. If you have an aunt who has been happily married for at least a 2 decades , do me the favour of asking her what has kept the marriage lasting that long. If you read my post very well you'll notice I did not rule out love but it is not the most important quality to consider , physical attraction even comes lower in the rung. Let me share my pearls of wisdom with you.

Compatibility is one quality you have to consider when choosing a life partner , compatibility isn't the same as love I hope you know.

Goals - Are your goals in contrast with each other , do you share similar goals in life

Friendship - I consider this even more important than love , a relationship with a very good and close friend will last longer than one built on just purely love.

I can mention more things/qualities to consider when choosing a life partner , love alone will die if other qualities are lacking .

this is where you get it all wrong. all those things you listed out are all attributes of love. there can't be love without friendship and no friendship without love. You can't love someone that you don't respect their life goals. I do not where you are coming from, but your idea of love is quite not right.

LookmanTalk:
I had a very interesting discussion with a female friend and she told me that she is in a dilemma on whether to marry a certain brother.. these are her reasons

1= He is ready to marry her although well behaved but she is not attracted to him physically and is not sure if she will ever see pass this... she said she will not be proud or comfortable showing him off as her partner

2= she only feels she likes him because he has the fear of God, has future prospects but she will rather keep him as her friend

She does not need him for any form of financial security but says she is confused and needs advise especially from married people, she does not want to go through any marital breakup

Open to all, please advise

Seems to sound like she is a christian. If that be the case,
1. Has she prayed about it?
2. Has God spoken to her about it?
3. Did the guy say God told him she is his wife?
Marriage is way beyond physical appearance. First it has to be a divine arrangement.

Let me tell your friend that no matter how attractive a guy or lady is, its just a matter of a few years, you will get tired of it all, at that time will she now pack out saying the appearance is no longer as attractive as it use to?

She must be matured about choosing her partner and above all, let her depend wholly on God because at the end of it all God cannot never make mistakes, but we do.
Check out this coming soon........ [url]courtshipandmarriage.com[/url]

There is a catch to the story I forgot to mention. She was introduced to him (paired) so it started from a blind date.

Eberex:


So you know, when two people meet each other, there is first of all a physical attraction; i consider this the first thing on the list. Then comes compatibility; number two. If they find themselves compatible then they can go into being friends, that's where friendship comes in; number three.

With these three qualities, lets now have a scenario.

scenario 1: these two people continue without falling in love.

scenario 2: these two people continue and fall in love with each other.

Tell me the difference on the long run.

N/B: Love cannot die if it was real.

LookmanTalk:
There is a catch to the story I forgot to mention. She was introduced to him (paired) so it started from a blind date.

Blind date or not. After they met, they both had a choice to go separate ways.

bronzegoddess:
Quite a number of us ladies are in this situation. That guy comes along, is caring, God fearing, hard-working and all, but we don't get that romantic vibe with the person. I'll say keep him close, not necessarily date him, just keep him close



Y'all are allowed to read whatever meaning u want to this ^^

Keep him close. That's wicked. Set him free.

shiinihost:


this is where you get it all wrong. all those things you listed out are all attributes of love. there can't be love without friendship and no friendship without love. You can't love someone that you don't respect their life goals. I do not where you are coming from, but your idea of love is quite not right.

You sir are the one who is wrong.... you need to understand what love is and how its applied. False love is loving a finished product...true love is being willing to mould the raw product to something you would love.

Ladies today have gone beyond the fake hair, nails, lips and hips...they now want tailer-made men because most of them prefer fantasy to reality. NO COMMITMENT, NO EFFORT WILLING TO BE PUT INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP, READY MADE IS THE NAME OF THEIR GAME.

What matters in any relationship is not love.. love is the conclussion but it isnt the beginning. The beginning is vision, agreement, understanding. ..love arrives and remains constant or even overwhelms when these are in full play.

Love him or her because he is nice, tall and handsome, drives a 21st century suv, lives in maitama or banana island and you have missed it because you would gladly want to throw all that away when he or she begins to frustrate you.

I learnt a lot from my parents before I got married and I am now passing on my knowledge. I was not my wifes spec when she married me and she was not mine but we had one thing in common...we had the same vision and the same heart and that made us go ahead and today I fit die ontop her matter and she on mine and we are blessed with kids and can't get enough of each other.

I wasnt a classy dresser when she met me but she is and she said she would be my wardrobe handler and till today she is and she has done a great job on me and I on her. Dont get it twisted..love is a consideration that becomes a reality when 2 people agree to make it so.

hmmm ayam ahula ntim
advise coming from someone who also generalized by giving 6 reasons why men shouldnt marry an accountant.
should i take you serious?

Eberex:


So you know, when two people meet each other, there is first of all a physical attraction; i consider this the first thing on the list. Then comes compatibility; number two. If they find themselves compatible then they can go into being friends, that's where friendship comes in; number three.

This is where you get it wrong again , physical attraction doesn't always have to come first , I'll give the story of my very own sister. She's has been happily married for for 16 years now and she wasn't initially attracted to her husband , in fact she was attracted to her husband's friend , who came to ask her out. The guy was very rich , fine boy , smooth talker and all , the attraction was instantaneous. The guy used to come visit her at home then with his friend ( who later became her husband ). At a point she was always in disagreement with this guy from minor issues to major ones. Eventually she had to break up and the friend seeing my sister as a good wife material decided to ask her out , initially she was thrown aback and bluntly turned the guy down but my parents seeing a good man in him advised my sister to consider the young man. She just couldn't see herself getting married to him but the guy grew on her as time went by and she started seeing the qualities my parents saw in him. Today they are very happily married with 4 kids , you should go to their home to see what a happy family is.

QTEST007:
My dear sister,by the time you are 32 and still single,then, u can come back and tell us how u feel.until then, continue in your ignorance/foolishness.

Marriage is not 'sere sere', its a lifelong commitment. Hence, she has to guard her steps with all diligence. Marrying a guy you have no attraction whatsoever for will only lead to frustration and lack of contentment. Settling down with a guy only because he's Godfearing is not a good reason. He might be Godfearing but has a totally different life goal from yours. Who knows if He can make you happy? Father a child? If you'll both grow old together? The list is endless.
I'd say she should go to God who knows all these

hh

bronzegoddess:
Quite a number of us ladies are in this situation. That guy comes along, is caring, God fearing, hard-working and all, but we don't get that romantic vibe with the person. I'll say keep him close, not necessarily date him, just keep him close



Y'all are allowed to read whatever meaning u want to this ^^

You are the type of woman every prospective mother-in-law should pray against by 12 midnight with holy water in order for their sons not to be led by the DEVIL to you

naijadeyhia:


You sir are the one who is wrong.... you need to understand what love is and how its applied. False love is loving a finished product...true love is being willing to mould the raw product to something you would love.

Ladies today have gone beyond the fake hair, nails, lips and hips...they now want tailer-made men because most of them prefer fantasy to reality. NO COMMITMENT, NO EFFORT WILLING TO BE PUT INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP, READY MADE IS THE NAME OF THEIR GAME.

What matters in any relationship is not love.. love is the conclussion but it isnt the beginning. The beginning is vision, agreement, understanding. ..love arrives and remains constant or even overwhelms when these are in full play.

Love him or her because he is nice, tall and handsome, drives a 21st century suv, lives in maitama or banana island and you have missed it because you would gladly want to throw all that away when he or she begins to frustrate you.

I learnt a lot from my parents before I got married and I am now passing on my knowledge. I was not my wifes spec when she married me and she was not mine but we had one thing in common...we had the same vision and the same heart and that made us go ahead and today I fit die ontop her matter and she on mine and we are blessed with kids and can't get enough of each other.

I wasnt a classy dresser when she met me but she is and she said she would be my wardrobe handler and till today she is and she has done a great job on me and I on her. Dont get it twisted..love is a consideration that becomes a reality when 2 people agree to make it so.

Another thumbs up.

Two thumbs up in a day within a spate of one hour , you're gradually becoming my favourite poster

neoapocalypse:


lol , you be pikin , love doesn't even come in the first 3 qualities to consider when you want a prosperous relationship , agreed that some level of love has to be there before any romantic relationship can be established it is however not in the first 3 to consider.

never mind. seen

ilawanson44:


You are the type of woman every prospective mother-in-law should pray against by 12 midnight with holy water in order for their sons not to be led by the DEVIL to you

Werey

neoapocalypse:



Another thumbs up.

Two thumbs up in a day within a spate of one hour , you're gradually becoming my favourite poster

I think a married section should be created on NL where all these youngsters can come for counselling because many of them have either lost their way or the fundamentals of life, relationships and contentment within the confines of a budding relationship