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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Jarizod's Book Of Jokes (49983 Views)
Huncho's Book Of Jokes / All New Sort Of Jokes. +updated+ / Chronicles Of Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 11:40pm On Oct 25, 2016 |
A prostitute's daughter ask her mother "what is love" The prostitute replied "don't fall for it baby......... It's the NEW WAY OF FUCKING FOR FREE" 2 Likes |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 11:52pm On Oct 25, 2016 |
Man calls in to his job: "hello boss, i won't be coming to work today, I'm really sick. I have a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so am not coming to work" The boss says: "and i really need you today, jarizod you know i use to feel this sometimes, when i feel this i go to my wife and tell her to give me sex, that makes me feel better, and i can go to work. You should try that" 2 hours later, man called again: "boss, i did what you said, and i feel great! I will be at work soon. By the way, you have a nice bedroom" 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 12:00am On Oct 26, 2016 |
A man had an accident in his new FERRARI when police arrived at the scene, he cried "officer! Ma brand new car!" officer replied "your materialistic nature makes you so sick and blinded by money, you didn't even notice your left arm has been cut off in this accident" he looks at his left arm and yells . . . "OH GOD! MA ROLEX WATCH" 6 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:11am On Oct 26, 2016 |
lhawarl1: na there I go snap my own neck by myself 2 Likes |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 12:14am On Oct 26, 2016 |
ROYH: stay glued boss and enjoy the ride 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 12:40am On Oct 26, 2016 |
Girl: forgive me father for i have sinned. priest: what have you done, my child? Girl: i called a man son of a bitch priest: why did you call him son of a bitch? Girl: because he touched my hand priest: like this? (as he touches her hand) Girl: yes father priest: that is no reason to call a man a son of a bitch Girl: then he touch my breast priest: like this? (as he touches her breast) Girl: yes father priest: that is no reason to call him son of a bitch Girl: then he took of my clothes, father priest: like this? (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: yes father priest: that no reason to call him son of a bitch Girl: then he stuck his you-know-what into my you-know-where priest: like this? (as he stuck his you-know-what into her you-know-where) Girl: YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES, YES, YES......(after a few minutes) priest: that no reason to call him a son of a bitch Girl: but father, he had AIDS! priest: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!! 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 12:46am On Oct 26, 2016 |
HUSBAND: every time you talk, you say 'my' chair, 'my' car, 'my' TV, everything is yours, you never say 'ours'. I am your husband! It should be 'ours' *wife pays no attention as she is looking for something* HUSBAND: you are not even paying attention to what am saying, what are you looking for? WIFE: 'our' panty! 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 12:51am On Oct 26, 2016 |
FOR GIRLS..........!!!!!! to avoid so many friend requests . . . . . . . . Kindly put your original images on your profile 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 1:07am On Oct 26, 2016 |
#BEFORE SEX, YOU HELP EACH OTHER GET NAKED, AFTER SEX YOU DRESS ONLY YOURSELF MORAL: IN LIFE NO ONE HELPS YOU ONCE YOU ARE bleeped #WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FRUSTRATION AND SATISFACTION? WHAT THE Bleep! AND WHAT A Bleep! # 3 PEOPLE HAVING SEX IS party, 2 IS TWOSOME. SO NEXT TIME SOMEONE CALLS YOU 'HANDSOME', DONT TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT! #LIFE IS A DICK, SOMETIMES IT BECOMES HARD FOR NO REASON! ACCORDING TO WILLIAM SEXFEAR: A DRUNK GUY IS A LIABILTY, BUT A DRUNK GIRL IS AN ASSET. 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 1:17am On Oct 26, 2016 |
Jarizod was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldnt find a parking place, he looked up towards heaven and said "lord, take pity on me, if you find me a parking place i will go to church every sunday for the rest of my life" miraculously, a parking place appeared jarizod looked up again and said "lord.......................................... never mind, i found one," 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 1:26am On Oct 26, 2016 |
Couple in bed, wife feels his hand rubbing her shoulder wife: oh! That feels good, *hand moves to her breast.* wife: honey that's wonderful *hand moves inbetween her thigh* wife: oh honey dont stop *husband stops* wife: why did you stop? Husband: b'coz i found the remote 3 Likes |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 1:49am On Oct 26, 2016 |
There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick, he goes to a juju man in the forest and ask him if he can make his dick smaller because he just cant please ladies because it just too big, he hasnt found a lady yet who likes it and cant get any pleasure the man told him to go into a forest and he will find a frog, he is to ask it to marry him, if the frog says no, his cock will shrink 5inches, he goes into the forest in search of this frog, he finds it nd asks 'frog, will you marry me?' , the frog says 'no' and prick shrinks 5inches, the guy think to himself "wow, thats pretty cool, but it's still too big" so he goes back to the frog and ask the frog: "frog will you marry me?" Frog: "no, i wont marry you" the guy's dick shrink another 5inches, but thats still 15inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit big, but thinks 10inches would just be great, he went back to the frog and asks "frog, will you marry me?" frog: "how many times do i have to tell you NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!! 7 Likes |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 1:51am On Oct 26, 2016 |
There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick, he goes to a juju man in the forest and ask him if he can make his dick smaller because he just cant please ladies because it just too big, he hasnt found a lady yet who likes it and cant get any pleasure the man told him to go into a forest and he will find a frog, he is to ask it to marry him, if the frog says no, his cock will shrink 5inches, he goes into the forest in search of this frog, he finds it nd asks 'frog, will you marry me?' , the frog says 'no' and prick shrinks 5inches, the guy think to himself "wow, thats pretty cool, but it's still too big" so he goes back to the frog and ask the frog: "frog will you marry me?" Frog: "no, i wont marry you" the guy's dick shrink another 5inches, but thats still 15inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit big, but thinks 10inches would just be great, he went back to the frog and asks "frog, will you marry me?" frog: "how many times do i have to tell you NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!! Time to black out, bro jarizod |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Tgold1(m): 2:09pm On Oct 26, 2016 |
The greatest shock u can get is
havinq sex with ur pregnant wife
n suddenly the hands of the child grab ur thing n say
.
papa abeg see my eye oo .... 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 6:00pm On Oct 26, 2016 |
An advice Before you give up in life just take a look at the hair around your anus, despite their environment they still grow. 5 Likes |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 6:14pm On Oct 26, 2016 |
Jarizod: hehehehehehehehe lol 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 9:03pm On Oct 26, 2016 |
DAD: i want you to marry a girl of my choice. SON: No way! DAD: The girl is Bill gates' daughter. SON: Then okay *Dad goes to bill gates* DAD: i want my son to marry your daughter. BILL GATES: No! DAD: my son is the CEO of the world bank... BILL GATES: Then okay *Dad goes to the president of the world bank* DAD: apoint my son as the CEO of your bank. PRESIDENT: no way! DAD: he is the son-in-law of BILL GATES PRESIDENT: Then okay . .THIS IS BUSINESS 9 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 9:29pm On Oct 26, 2016 |
3 drunk guys entered a taxi the taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off again. He told them. "we have reached" the 1st guy gave him money and the 2nd guy said "thank you". The 3rd guy gave the driver a slap the driver was shocked, thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did, but he asked whats that for?" the 3rd guy replied: "CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME, you nearly killed us!" 4 Likes |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 9:43pm On Oct 26, 2016 |
Whats the height of hope?? It is: sitting in the exam hall, holding the question paper in hand, waiting for the answer sheet n telling yourself "dude, dont worry. Exams will get postponed!" 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 10:08pm On Oct 26, 2016 |
A man had never had sex before, on their wedding night, the man entered the bedroom only to find his new bride completely naked, wife asked "do you know what i want?" the husband said "NO!" the wife lay on bed then ask "do you know what i want? Husband said, "NO!" the wife now spread her body on the bed and opened her legs wide, then asked her husband, "do you know what i want? The husband said "YES!" . . ."you want to have the whole bed to yourself" 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 10:18pm On Oct 26, 2016 |
A short thing that gets longer, you hold it and pass between woman breast. And enters into a small hole.......... Jarizod do you know what is it? 2 Likes |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:21pm On Oct 26, 2016 |
lhawarl1: dìck 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 10:49pm On Oct 26, 2016 |
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and i had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one thing bothering me......... It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was 22, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less, she would regularly bend down when she was near me , and i always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her younger sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations, she was alone when i arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before i got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, i was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "i am going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild sex, just come up and get me" i was stunned and frozen in shock as i watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and rushed to the front door, i opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo......... And behold, my entire in-laws was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family" AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: . . . .ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CONDOM IN YOUR CAR! 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by lhawarl1(m): 10:51pm On Oct 26, 2016 |
Jarizod: lol spoilt mind, it is a car seat belt 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 6:38am On Oct 27, 2016 |
Jarizod:that environment na die 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by LorDBolton(m): 6:51am On Oct 27, 2016 |
lhawarl1: WTF! Rotfl |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 8:10am On Oct 27, 2016 |
lhawarl1: 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 8:11am On Oct 27, 2016 |
Smallville10:I dey tell u baba 1 Like |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Chibest2000(m): 8:55am On Oct 27, 2016 |
Jarizod:Lol.. Dis one got ma ribs cracking 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by seunlly(m): 3:37pm On Oct 27, 2016 |
Mary : How was your paper
Gloria ?
Gloria : It was kind of hard;
I didn't know
the past tense of 'think'.
I thought and thought and thought
for
along time then finally
wrote'thunk'
Mary : I guess you're right
because I wrote
thunk after I thought 4 a while.. ...
Mary : poo! And what
about the past tense
of 'write' ?
Gloria : I dont know what I
wrote; I think I wrote 'written'
Mary : That one I didn't
even bother.
When I saw the next
number asking for
the past tense of 'go', I just went
out of
the Exam Room.
Gloria : Me too, when I
reached that
number I couldn't take it
anymore. Those idiots gave us an
exam
beyond our scope.
A Word For The Both Of Them 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by seunlly(m): 3:40pm On Oct 27, 2016 |
Boss: Akpos, i dont want my daughter to be leaving dis house
anymore, for her nt to get pregnant, i dont want you to let
her leave dis compound.
Akpos: Sir, you know dat, ur
daughter is a very stubborn girl. What if she trys to force
herself out.
Boss: Fool! Use your head.
Akpos: Ok sir.
*Boss returns from work, he couldnt find his daughter at
home.
Boss: Akpos, where is my daughter?
Akpos: Sir dat ur daughter is very very stubborn, wen i
remembered
dat u said i should use my head i started to nod her teeth.
Boss: Where is she?.
Akpos: She's in hospital.
Who Is At Fault Here, Akpos Or His Boss?? 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Jarizod's Book Of Jokes by Nobody: 10:01pm On Oct 28, 2016 |
Youngest Son: Dad,whats the difference between 'hypothetically' & 'reality'? . Dad turns to wife: Would you sleep with Tom cruise for 1 million? . Wife: Of course! I would never waste such an opportunity . Then Dad asks daughter: Would you sleep with Tom cruise for 1 Million? . Daughter: Yes He's my fantasy . Dad asks elder son: Would you sleep with, Tom cruise for 1 million? . Elder Son: Why not ? Imagine what I could do with that money! . Father turns to his younger son: You see son, 'Hypothetically' we're sitting with 3 millionares but in 'Reality' we are living with 2 prostitutes & 1 gay Bastard ! 7 Likes 1 Share |
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