RaggedyAnn:




I think it was clear. True success is not accidental. It's a convergence of several variables: diligence, intelligence, discipline, drive, focus, and a bit of luck too. These are all desirable qualities in a potential mate (or even just friends). And people who exhibit these traits eventually become successful. Money follows naturally.

Now you might want to throw people like Melaye into the category of successful men, but I don't think he cuts it. He might be wealthy, yes, but how did he get there? We all know that most of these politicians are thieves who have nothing to contribute except the cash. A man who has built himself into a success at his legitimate field may not have the stupid cash these politicians throw around, but he would have a bank of lessons learned, and the character that he's honed over the time it took to get his wealth. It's durable.

The post is not implying that if a man runs into some bad luck, a woman should leave him. It simply suggests that consistent failures should be looked at critically because they may be as a result of a series of bad decisions which may prove a level of indiscipline, immaturity, or laziness. These qualities have ways of affecting a relationship negatively too. And yes, guys are also free to make such inferences.

greyboy5000:
again why do you keep equating finance with intellectual capacity using cheap example like mike adenuga what of people like mc oluomo
There are lot of guys who are super smart that are rich, there are not so smart rich ones too
Just say you want to marry a rich guy

You dont have to insult broke guys to justify your decision

RaggedyAnn:



I used Mike Adenuga because that's the example used by the person I quoted. (Was it you?). I don't know how you qualify intelligence. It is not the ability to speak good English or hold a conversation in politics or whatever. It's a capacity for aptitude. And a person who is successful at something must have mastered something to an excellent level. That shows intelligence.

I equate financial reward to successful enterprise. And successful enterprise is dependent on several variables (diligence, discipline, drive, etc) including intelligence.

But like I said in my earlier post (was it to you?) some people get rich by dubious means and that's not the class of men I'm referring to.

greyboy5000:

I see
At what point should the lady decide to leave cause I have seen men struggle through out there life only to make it at a later stage in life
It has notting to do with intelligence my sis but Gods blessings

Now about the topic of the thread
The op clearly try to paint broke guys as uneducated, unintelligent, slow poke inorder to justify her choice of a rich guy which I was against

I have seen boys and men alike struggle through life not because of lack of intelligence or education but because of lack of opportunity
So where will the op but those type of guys in her post

greyboy5000:
I like the fact you said you like adenuga but some other guys adenugas age are not poor because they don't have these trait, they are poor because of lack of opportunity

Don't blame them as a reason for you to like adenuga cause it is your choice
Get the picture

Lubyna:


Sorry about my statement about you not being able to read. I didn't mean to be rude. That wasn't even my intention.

Women and men aren't the same. Men don't go into relationships for the same reasons as women and men certainly don't have the same needs or responsibilities as women. A guy dating a woman who is hardworking but broke, isn't the equivalent of a woman dating a guy who is broke. Men are conventionally, and I'd argue naturally the providers in a relationship. Women are naturally inclined to want their man to take the driving seat in the relationship, in all aspects. To put it plainly, women want men who can provide and take care of them. It doesn't mean she shouldn't strive to be financially successful, but this is the reality of relationships. On the other hand, no man goes into a relationship expecting his woman to take care of him. In fact, most men prefer to be more financially successful than their partners. I hope I have answered your question?

Don't bring me back to this. I have already explained what I meant. Yes. Being financially successful is indicative of intelligence. Intelligence is a broad them that admits of various definitions, but my definition of intelligence, which subsumes most of the definitions which you'd come across anywhere, is being able to utilize acquired knowledge in solving problems. And why are you fixating on Intelligence? There are other qualities I mentioned alongside intelligence that being wealthy is indicative of. Dino and Evans are intelligent people. Dino is a wealthy politician who has occupied various high level political posts in the past. You have to be intelligent to be able to do this. Evans was able to kidnap lots of people, gain profit from the act and remain hidden and undetected for many years. Only an intelligent person can achieve this. I am not in anyway justifying the morally reprehensible crimes of Evans and the bad things Dino Malaye has done in the past. I am just trying to answer your question about whether or not they are intelligent. When I say someone is financially successful, hardworking, ambitious and goal oriented, and wants someone who shares the same traits as she does, I am obviously not referring to people like Evans and Dino. The kind of women I categorically referred to in my OP certainly aren't concerned about just money. Money is a standard among other standards. Certainly this kind of woman would examine the past and present of her potential spouse. She'd date someone who she knows his source of income, and who she is certain this source of income is safe and won't jeopardize her life in the future. Obviously someone like Evans and yahoo boys don't fit this criteria. You are making it seem like all financially successful men are touts or kidnappers and all broke guys are morally upright.

RaggedyAnn:



"God's blessings" you say. That doesn't fit into my school of thought. I believe that every failure can be attributed to a short-coming. I believe that people like to hide their inadequacies behind "God's lack of favor". A boy can't pass his exams; God hasn't smiled on him. Never mind that he could study a bit harder.

Anyway, there are people who are late-bloomers. Like the case you mentioned. Late bloomers don't suit everyone; and if you let go of someone who later made it in life, it still wasn't a mistake. You want someone who runs a race with you in tandem. You will realize it is better to let go of someone when they slow you down.

The post makes some assumptions. For instance, an education gives people a better chance to find financial success. It is not meant to offend your sensibilities. It's only meant to help you identify factors that could be responsible for the fact that someone hasn't escaped a desperate financial state. Education is not equal to a certificate, mind you.

Daeylar:
The op never said that money is everything. or that it's all about the money
These are her words

RaggedyAnn:



Where did I say I like Adenuga. Show me, let me quickly edit. I don't remember thinking it.

Lubyna:
One thing I have realized from reading comments on this website is that a lot of men do not understand that some women have certain financial standards when it comes to dating, and nothing can make them lower those standards. So guys, when a lady says she can't date a broke guy, try to first ruminate on the information I want to pass across before deciding to label her with derogatory appellations.

When I say some ladies, this "some" constitutes a certain category of ladies. This category includes ladies who are ambitious, hardworking and goal oriented. They are aren't idle or ignorant. They are intelligent, well informed and most times are financially bouyant. These are the kind of women I am categorically referring to. If this kind of woman says she can't date a broke guy, then she is justified in making such statement, and any guy who insults her for making such statement or tries to refute her statement with the kind of pathetic comments I read here, is indeed pathetic.

greyboy5000:

You didn't answer my question
At what point should the very successful lady decide to leave this broke late bloomer

Yes there is "grace" which I call certain event that happens that is beyond our control, it is not about religion or believe

Yes education is not equal to certificate but education does not equal to finance either

So I will say again choose what you want but don't try to justify your choice by insulting another person

greyboy5000:
you didn't say it directly but some of the words in your post suggest you will like a guy like him

RaggedyAnn:



"God's blessings" you say. That doesn't fit into my school of thought. I believe that every failure can be attributed to a short-coming. I believe that people like to hide their inadequacies behind "God's lack of favor". A boy can't pass his exams; God hasn't smiled on him. Never mind that he could study a bit harder.

Anyway, there are people who are late-bloomers. Like the case you mentioned. Late bloomers don't suit everyone; and if you let go of someone who later made it in life, it still wasn't a mistake. You want someone who runs a race with you in tandem. You will realize it is better to let go of someone when they slow you down.

The post makes some assumptions. For instance, an education gives people a better chance to find financial success. It is not meant to offend your sensibilities. It's only meant to help you identify factors that could be responsible for the fact that someone hasn't escaped a desperate financial state. Education is not equal to a certificate, mind you. But of course, not all broke guys are uneducated and not all educated people are broke.

RaggedyAnn:




But I answered it, how come you didn't see it? I said a person should leave a late bloomer the moment she/he realizes he/she is holding her/him back in their own progress. That's when the relationship is unhealthy.

I cannot comment on grace and religion. Perhaps it's what I referred to as 'luck'. When opportunities and timing for instance. But then, you must always be prepared first to take advantage of good timing.

Education is not equal to good finances. Please don't disregard the context in which I mentioned the relevance of education. I said: The post makes some assumptions. For instance, an education gives people a better chance to find financial success. there aren't any guarantees. But it gives a lot of people options to contribute what they have been groomed for. Not everyone has an inborn talent that is marketable.

This post isn't insulting anyone. The fact that some women of a certain economic class should be encouraged to find mates that are of a similar class, should not be an insult to anyone.

greyboy5000:
I like the fact you said you like adenuga but some other guys adenugas age are not poor because they don't have these trait, they are poor because of lack of opportunity

Don't blame them as a reason for you to like adenuga cause it is your choice
Get the picture

Fadman4real:


Now the bolded is very wrong in this our economy, consider this story though fictious, it happens everyday.

A young man whose parents are completely broke suffered to finish from uni with a 2-1 and after service manages to get a job in Lagos of 150k per month. He has brothers and sisters that are in uni or about to enter plus he has parents.

He sends like 60k home every month for his parents and siblings, saves like 30k every month for his rent and has to manage like 60k for feeding, savings and tfare. Such a guy us broke cause he would be like d millions in Lagos jumping from one bus to another every day.

Take another story of a young dude whose parents sent him abroad to study and came back to take over his father's biz. He is very rich with a good car, a good certificate, and little or no responsibilities.

Among those two guys the first is probably more intelligent, smarter, and is more caring but you would go for the second and open your teeth smiling like u in at show when d second is asking u out.

The only difference between the two guys is money which is purely due to luck.

Change your orientation not all rich guys are intelligent or hardworking and not all broke guys are dull and wasted their lives.

Lubyna:
One thing I have realized from reading comments on this website is that a lot of men do not understand that some women have certain financial standards when it comes to dating, and nothing can make them lower those standards. So guys, when a lady says she can't date a broke guy, try to first ruminate on the information I want to pass across before deciding to label her with derogatory appellations.

When I say some ladies, this "some" constitutes a certain category of ladies. This category includes ladies who are ambitious, hardworking and goal oriented. They are aren't idle or ignorant. They are intelligent, well informed and most times are financially bouyant. These are the kind of women I am categorically referring to. If this kind of woman says she can't date a broke guy, then she is justified in making such statement, and any guy who insults her for making such statement or tries to refute her statement with the kind of pathetic comments I read here, is indeed pathetic.

How does anyone expect a woman who is working towards being financially successful and expending time and energy towards this goal, to settle for some guy who earns WAY less than she does? How can a financially ambitious woman lower her standards and spend years waiting for some guy "who has potential" to make it? Let me unpack this last statement because it's a bit radioactive. There are different gradations of potential and that's why I used quotation marks. There are men who have an education that confers a high competitive advantage in the job market, or skills that can catapult them to high rungs on the financial ladder. If a financially ambitious woman meets this kind of guy and he is working hard everyday to become financially stable and secure, then she can lower her standards a bit and grind with him, but only for a while. If after few months or years and this guy isn't making any progress and she decides to go, no one should blame her. Maybe the guy isn't smart enough or isn't just lucky enough. She has the right to leave him and find someone who is financially compatible with her. Yes.
But this only applies to men who have real potential, not some guy who just has a degree or skills and isn't taking diligent steps to improve his finances.

What most guys don't realize is that being broke or just having enough money to subsist, are indicative of certain traits women in general aren't attracted to. Traits like laziness, unintelligence, lack of ambition, bad luck, and a lack of good education. It's not the fault of a financially ambitious woman who is financially bouyant herself if she doesn't want to mingle with broke people, let alone date them.

Instead of dating a guy that has good qualities, the kind of women I am referring to would rather find financially bouyant and ambitious men like themselves, and then proceed to look for these good qualities. And YES they are justified in doing that. Abi is it only broke guys that have good qualities?

Lastly, if any guy is asking out women who don't fall into the category of women I am referring to, then such guy has low standards and deserves the rejection he is receiving from his fellow broke girl.

funmisticqueen:
It is not lack of opportunity, but lack of preparedness and inability to recognise opportunity when it arrives. Be proactive

Lubyna:


Sorry about my statement about you not being able to read. I didn't mean to be rude. That wasn't even my intention.

Women and men aren't the same. Men don't go into relationships for the same reasons as women and men certainly don't have the same needs or responsibilities as women. A guy dating a woman who is hardworking but broke, isn't the equivalent of a woman dating a guy who is broke. Men are conventionally, and I'd argue naturally the providers in a relationship. Women are naturally inclined to want their man to take the driving seat in the relationship, in all aspects. To put it plainly, women want men who can provide and take care of them. It doesn't mean she shouldn't strive to be financially successful, but this is the reality of relationships. On the other hand, no man goes into a relationship expecting his woman to take care of him. In fact, most men prefer to be more financially successful than their partners. I hope I have answered your question?

Don't bring me back to this. I have already explained what I meant. Yes. Being financially successful is indicative of intelligence. Intelligence is a broad them that admits of various definitions, but my definition of intelligence, which subsumes most of the definitions which you'd come across anywhere, is being able to utilize acquired knowledge in solving problems. And why are you fixating on Intelligence? There are other qualities I mentioned alongside intelligence that being wealthy is indicative of. Dino and Evans are intelligent people. Dino is a wealthy politician who has occupied various high level political posts in the past. You have to be intelligent to be able to do this. Evans was able to kidnap lots of people, gain profit from the act and remain hidden and undetected for many years. Only an intelligent person can achieve this. I am not in anyway justifying the morally reprehensible crimes of Evans and the bad things Dino Malaye has done in the past. I am just trying to answer your question about whether or not they are intelligent. When I say someone is financially successful, hardworking, ambitious and goal oriented, and wants someone who shares the same traits as she does, I am obviously not referring to people like Evans and Dino. The kind of women I categorically referred to in my OP certainly aren't concerned about just money. Money is a standard among other standards. Certainly this kind of woman would examine the past and present of her potential spouse. She'd date someone who she knows his source of income, and who she is certain this source of income is safe and won't jeopardize her life in the future. Obviously someone like Evans and yahoo boys don't fit this criteria. You are making it seem like all financially successful men are touts or kidnappers and all broke guys are morally upright.


You must be a very brainy lady.Very impressed with your write up and the manner in which you respond to critics.Even though I might not totally agree with all the points raised due to my own personal bias,I do believe you have put your money where your mouth is and vindicated your stance.I wish more ladies were as articulate ,well thought out and courteous as you are in online and physical banters.I would like to be your friend if you have space for one more.

greyboy5000:
This was her response to me
Read her initial post

Tahrah:

Daeylar:


maybe her words weren't explicit or seemed offending, but I got that from her message and then she explained further to you in her response, the people that made it seem as if she said that money was the ultimate both commented after she explained it to you, they could have read her post before commenting, That was my point

greyboy5000:
why are you smiling
I here defending my people broke and proud association of nairaland

Tahrah:
You doing a good job,continue.