greyham:


She is a classic Nigerian example of how to go about court weddings.

Even if she has decided to be useless, we can use her as a bad example

I heard a lady telling me to avoid Nigerian women these days that they are destiny killers, I think this issue is appearing as real as the nightmare

onehouse:
First, I consider this as a myopic way of thinking about life and marriage.

As humans, we tend to want to have everything we can grab while alive but the truth is that no one gets out with a pin. Even in the grave, all these are being consume by ants and what have you.

On the other hand, I recall a story I read on motherhoodInStyle, the wife of this man has always pleaded to have registry wedding even after two kids. In the man in question refuses to give in cause he felt the mother of his two kids was after his properties.

Well, as God would have it, she go a job transfer to the US and she needed to relocate there permanently as well with her family - all expense paid. Friends, come and see how this man is begging to go do the registry wedding he once stood against for many years. Of course, it was obvious that the change in attitude was because of his needs to relocate to the US with his family and due to the poor state of his business.


In all, the lady in question has refuse to go to the registry with him and even the lady's father stood by her daughter on this. This simply explains the need to live life as easy as it comes without complicating life with the affection or need to acquire properties thus damaging precious gift of life such as good relationship with those in our lives.

Super story

Chai...who posted this una for allow us teach men wey sabi cheat beta lesson...smh

debbydams:
Chai...who posted this una for allow us teach men wey sabi cheat beta lesson...smh

Were you thinking such men will do registry marriage?

Originally, the thread was created to counter the payment of alimony and to advise men not to marry statutorily.

But as I read through the comments, I realized that the arguments were taking another dimension. Women felt that despite their sacrifices in matrimony, the husbands feels like they "OWN" them, and treat them like rags.

And from the comments of some men in this thread, I don't think the issue will ever be addressed until some actions are taken.

I have come to understand that men have this sense of 'OWNERSHIP' over their wives, because of the ridiculous amounts of cash coughed out to perform the customary rites of the wife and some other encumbrances involved depending on the region.

Huge amounts of money are being paid as bride price and the purchase of other items like Cows or goats as the case may be, rappers, cartons and gallons of drinks. And in most cases these requirements are non-negotiable . Like WTF, are these things really necessary?

That is the foundation of the argument in this thread. Because an African man after borrowing huge amounts of money to take your daughter as a wife, it's only natural for such a man to feel or think he 'OWNS' the woman, in all ramifications.

In civilized societies, it is not like this. You only spend huge sums on merriments or honeymoon and it's never mandatory.

So my take is, women should endeavor to promote awareness in their regions, make your parents understand that you are not being sold out. All the numerous items listed that tantamounts to hundreds and millions of naira should be downsized.

Forget about Tradition this, Custom that, when a practice is becoming a pain in the ass, it can be reviewed to lessen the burden on it's subjects.

That is the only way out. If African women really want equity in their marriages, parents should marry out their daughters, not sell them.

OMEGA009:
Who goes into a marriage with an option of divorce on their mind? Ever heard of the words “For Better or Worse”?

These NL children wee not kee me. If you don’t have the balls to go the whole 9 yards, go to Shoprite and buy a carton of Vaseline.

We’ve not gotten over our loss to Croatia and one broke nigguh is shouting “avoid court registry if you want to keep ya property”. Mtcheeew.

P.S: pls remember....

Elder001:




It seems anytime a male post anything that isn't favourable to the female folks most ladies on this forum assume the male is broke.

Do you know me from anywhere?
I'm forced to ask how old are you?

You speak like a teenager.

If she, @omega, writes like a teenager, then u write like a toddler!
A woman spends 20 solid years in ur crib raising u a dynasty and in ur elderly (sic) wisdom ufeel she shd leave ur house exactly as she came? I guess she also entered d marriage with those children from Siberia, shey?
Jesu!
Indeed women have suffered in our hands.
SMH!!!

Princefrankie1:
Originally, the thread was created to counter the payment of alimony and to advise men not to marry statutorily.

But as I read through the comments, I realized that the arguments were taking another dimension. Women felt that despite their sacrifices in matrimony, the husbands feels like they "OWN" them, and treat them like rags.

And from the comments of some men in this thread, I don't think the issue will ever be addressed until some actions are taken.

I have come to understand that men have this sense of 'OWNERSHIP' over their wives, because of the ridiculous amounts of cash coughed out to perform the customary rites of the wife and some other encumbrances involved depending on the region.

Huge amounts of money are being paid as bride price and the purchase of other items like Cows or goats as the case may be, rappers, cartons and gallons of drinks. And in most cases these requirements are non-negotiable . Like WTF, are these things really necessary?

That is the foundation of the argument in this thread. Because an African man after borrowing huge amounts of money to take your daughter as a wife, it's only natural for such a man to feel or think he 'OWNS' the woman, in all ramifications.

In civilized societies, it is not like this. You only spend huge sums on merriments or honeymoon and it's never mandatory.

So my take is, women should endeavor to promote awareness in their regions, make your parents understand that you are not being sold out. All the numerous items listed that tantamounts to hundreds and millions of naira should be downsized.

Forget about Tradition this, Custom that, when a practice is becoming a pain in the ass, it can be reviewed to lessen the burden on it's subjects.

That is the only way out. If African women really want equity in their marriages, parents should marry out their daughters, not sell them.

So if you're going to do "buy" your wife, avoid registry marriage.

Point taken!

Elder001:


You're asking me that?

do registry marriage with a lady who knows the constitution very well and you'll know who's going to enforce it.

If you like go and do registry marriage.. suicide will end it last last

We're not in California...

No Nigerian man in Nigeria will split his property with his wife especially if it was acquired before he contracted the marriage!

Seahawk:
So you evil people think it’s okay to divorce a woman who you probably insisted she stay home and raise your kids and leave her with nothing after you ruined her chances of building a career?

It will never be well with anyone who thinks this way. In Jesus name.
God does not like wickedness so he won’t reward your work. you won’t be successful if you plan to take away someone else’s success because of a supposed role she should play in the family and then turn around to punish her for doing the thing she was told she’s supposed to do.

Umu ekwensu (devil’s children).

I will rather shoot myself in the head than do this
Not with all I read these days, not with threads like this . I owe myself and my kids a good life. I will work for that life.

Registry favor women than men and moreso its a borrowed way of getting married



Our cultural way remains the best

CAPSLOCKED:



WHY THOUGH?
GIVE ME YOUR REASON(S).

HARDDON:


That reply wasnt for you. I hadnt even reasoned your malodorous post yet.

Are you alright ? Elder001 reeling like a child who just had his first taste of chili pepper?

What is property? and how much do you even have? Convert it to pounds, worth anything?


Your mindset is TOTALLY flawed.

here is a little SENSE PILL:

Wealth is not tied to some mundane, soon-to-fade-of-radar properties, real wealth is a fully developed mind beaming with creative ideas.

So stop yapping dust and renew your mind

.

The last paragraph is well said and should unschakle any man from the prison of suspicion and the viscious cycle of spousal hate. Why marry if you need all these so called safeguards. Can't imagine a home built like that.

oyb:
If you like don’t do registry wedding as a woman. It means you are not the legal wife.

So if your husband gets pussy whipped in his older years and marries a sharp second wife, you will be cast to the background with the quickness as the second wife will ensure she is legal.

My uncle did this, the wife was an illiterate, but they started from the bottom together. He married this young girl after over 30yrs of marriage with his first wife. The woman ran mad briefly, when she discovered (after his death) that he willed every to the second wife and her twin girls. Leaving her with only her shop and the BQ attached to it.

My dad said it was juju, I was just looking at him like...

Born2Breed:


Don't mind these guys who think more with their third legs.

I'm glad that the number of marriages that takes place in registry from Thursday's to Saturdays are getting higher daily.

Most churches also don't wed couples without their registry certificate. Reasonable men too, prefer the registry first before traditional and church/nikai.

Let the dreamers dream on, if you want divorce based on whatever allegation, be ready to share the property and pay alimony.

This shows you got married to him for the money.

Ekpanfly:
Mods night done reach make una go sleep
I wan off light

Dem hold you make e no off light?

veave:
But that's the only recognized marriage in Nigeria apart from the sharia.


So you're saying non Muslim Nigerians should not get married properly.

Madam, customary marriage under your native laws and customs is completely legal in Nigeria.

Elder001:
Flee from any woman that request for Registry Marriage.

The issue of sharing of properties cannot come in except the wife claims that as a relief in her answer to the petition for dissolution of marriage.
The law assumes that settlement of property and maintenance is an ancillary relief which a man owes his wife if he files for divorce.


For example a man file for divorce after 20years of marriage to his wife.

The law assumes he's the one filling for divorce after she has given him 20 years of her life. She may even throw in how she supported him(even if it's not financial support) and performed wifely duties to him. The law assumes the man can't leave her with an uncertain financial future (I still don't know whether this implies if the woman is rich.. didn't see anything like that though) after she spent two decades building his.

If she claims for settlement of properties in the marriage, the judge usually would look at the circumstances of the case and facts supplied to reach a decision on what to give her.
Judges have a wide discretionary power to settle matrimonial properties as it deems just to do so.

The judge has a discretion to award reliefs sought by parties in a divorce proceeding, according to the facts and circumstances of the case at hand.
If she specifically ask that she shares in the matrimonial properties and the facts and circumstances makes it justifiable that she does deserve a share, the court will order that.

The law doesn't care about who owns what or what anyone brought into the marriage.

The court can order settlement I. e share any property belonging to any of the parties on the request of the woman.

Nigerian law considers marriage as a partnership.

The law assumes when the partnership finally end, nobody leaves empty handed except the woman didn't specifically ask for anything.

What kind of reasoning is this bikonu

pocohantas:


My uncle did this, the wife was an illiterate, but they started from the bottom together. He married this young girl after over 30yrs of marriage with his first wife. The woman ran mad briefly, when she discovered (after his death) that he willed every to the second wife and her twin girls. Leaving her with only her shop and the BQ attached to it.

My dad said it was juju, I was just looking at him like...

All our ex military rulers are from poor /rural backgrounds. The wives they show are almost all their second wives. Their first wives have been relegated to the background.

A wife who is not married via registry has no rights in Nigerian law if I remember correctly. The sort of scenario greedy family members scrambling over their dead brothers possessions love.

Interestingly, an uncle, (fully educated) did this too

bebe2:
BUT why are u pple so evil?

Why do u always think like zombies?

So u marry a woman for twenty years, she has kids for u, looked after them while u work, cooks for u , cleans for u, wash ur clothes, U have two houses , in the case of divorce u can not give her one? Are u ok?

Where do u want her to start from?

That is Nigerians for you


Thinking like animals

This is the most baseless post I have ever seen. Very myopic and shallow. So because of property, you will not have a registry marriage? How do you and especially your wife prove that she is married and that the kids are not born out of wedlock.

The poster forgets that women contribute 50:50 in the relationship. His shallow mind is only seeing the property. If she has got kids for you and takes the 50%,property after divorce are your children not still benefactors?
Please people should not come here to show how shallow they are in their reasoning

oyb:


All our ex military rulers are from poor /rural backgrounds. The wives they show are almost all their second wives. Their first wives have been relegated to the background.

A wife who is not married via registry has no rights in Nigerian law if I remember correctly. The sort of scenario greedy family members scrambling over their dead brothers possessions love.

Interestingly, an uncle, (fully educated) did this too

True story. It usually comes with a change in status, which is why women and humans generally, should improve on themselves.

When the man starts climbing up the social ladder, he might not want to be seen with the lace and gele wearing wife. Isn't this how escort girls make money? They follow rich men for functions and get paid.

We should give GEJ some respect. He is a real man for sticking to Mama Peace

OMEGA009:
Who goes into a marriage with an option of divorce on their mind? Ever heard of the words “For Better or Worse”?

These NL children wee not kee me. If you don’t have the balls to go the whole 9 yards, go to Shoprite and buy a carton of Vaseline.

We’ve not gotten over our loss to Croatia and one broke nigguh is shouting “avoid court registry if you want to keep ya property”. Mtcheeew.

P.S: pls remember....

For better or worse? Lol. Are you not a religious bigot? Why would you force your religious requirements for marriage on others? Why would you casually assume that people would adhere to that? Funny girl.

It is amusing that those who expressed contrary opinions are now children in your eyes.

There is nothing wrong with taking precautions before getting married to Nigerian women. No man should be made to lose his property to his ex. If he can acquire property, so can she.

Don’t wait for men to go “the whole 9 yards” while you rest on your oars waiting for handouts. Lazy Nigerian youth.

Elder001:
I guess this is why men are scared to file for divorce or reluctant to file for divorce because from the way it seems now the law assumes you've wasted the woman's life.

Like only women can file for divorce because if you do you'll lose much.. smh


I won't advice any man(not even my enemy) to do registry marriage .
If a lady insists on registry marriage please she can't be trusted, kindly cancel the wedding.

You can do a registry marriage but ensure u both sign a prenup before heading to the registry!
Whatever is in the prenup is binding.
That way ur marriage is recognized by law & u have the convenience if the event of a divorce!

bebe2:
BUT why are u pple so evil?

Why do u always think like zombies?

So u marry a woman for twenty years, she has kids for u, looked after them while u work, cooks for u , cleans for u, wash ur clothes, U have two houses , in the case of divorce u can not give her one? Are u ok?

Where do u want her to start from?

She should start from her father’s house. Did he spend so much on her education so she could become indigent without a husband? Have you considered the sheer injustice against the husband? So after buying all he did and all the favours she enjoyed in marriage, he should still lose his sweat to her? If she wants divorce then she should be prepared for it.

bebe2:
BUT why are u pple so evil?

Why do u always think like zombies?

So u marry a woman for twenty years, she has kids for u, looked after them while u work, cooks for u , cleans for u, wash ur clothes, U have two houses , in the case of divorce u can not give her one? Are u ok?

Where do u want her to start from?

Not everyone understands what marriage is.

Many churches will not wed you without involving the court. Except the couple wants to do only traditional marriage.

Me i did trad, court, church. I didn't exactly insist on it. We both agreed to do all.

And he buys everything in my name. Every single thing. He said his dad did the same. So that no family will come and displace me in future.

Don't mind some guys here. It is just mouth.

HARDDON:


That is where the average guy gets it wrong. Even most rich men that havent developed their creative mental abilities can sleep well at night because of this.


Look around you gee. all the magnificent beauties of the world were, at a point and for a moment, nothing but intangible thoughts.

Real Wealth lies with him who can convert the ideas gee. What you have acquired can develop wings over night. Not what you have up in your head

True but not in this context. You cant split that reason its irrelevant in relation to this topic

Born2Breed:


Don't mind these guys who think more with their third legs.

I'm glad that the number of marriages that takes place in registry from Thursday's to Saturdays are getting higher daily.

Most churches also don't wed couples without their registry certificate. Reasonable men too, prefer the registry first before traditional and church/nikai.

Let the dreamers dream on, if you want divorce based on whatever allegation, be ready to share the property and pay alimony.

marriage has turned to and investment bah?lord save us from parasites!!

ImaIma1:


This word reminds me Buhari's speech when he became military president. He used that word lol

My dear, it's better imagined than experienced....

My bros lost everything cos of such.. ...

Sterope:
The Nigerian family law will not ask the husband to share the properties with the wife if he built it with his money. It would ask only if the wife can also prove that she also contributed to the property mostly financial. It is rare for Nigerian courts to share properties and assets between husband and wife if it is owned by one of them. That is why smart women should insist to have their names on properties.


Also, unless your wife is cray cray that is she can handle herself but if she can't and you love your children (not necessarily her), you will legalise your marriage. The reason is the issue of inheritance after your death.

If you care about her too and the way go your family might treat her, you will legalise your marriage.

I have never even seen or heard of an average Nigerian woman that benefited financially from a divorce.

MhisTahrah:
I assumed that the first post that I quoted was referring to a housewife.

That balance can only be achieved if there's co-operation.Start up a business for her?If she's cool with it, no biggie.Countless number of people, sir.I intend to be one of such.
Let's consider this scenario; Wife has a 9-5 job, husband is self employed.They have 3kids, their school closes by 2.Husband picks the kids from school.Prepares lunch for them and awaits wife's arrival.Wife arrives and prepares dinner, clean the home and prepares breakfast the next morning.Drops the children at their school and then cycle continues.
And this as well,
Wife is self-employed, no fixed closing hour, picks up her kids from school at 2, prepares lunch and shortly after, dinner.Husband arrives 6, eats or throws tantrums when his food isn't done.He never helps her out simply because he believes it's her job.Wife is very stressed but doesn't speak out because it's her job afterall.Too many pent-up emotions in the house.Of course it could go both ways but this is much more common.

In scenario 1, there is mutual understanding, respect and tolerance between them, they flourish.My point is find someone comfortable with your lifestyle, there is support from the husband and it makes all the difference.They are in sync.Hubby doesn't mind that he has to COOK and pick the kids. Again, no feminist mentality here.

Can we also say that in countries where the reverse is the case, the wives buy the husbands?

Will you also be sharing school fees and house rent in sync. Bam ba shi.

Daboomb:


The above is true.

The only exception is if all you did is a traditional marriage, which is not registered with the Govt and therefore not recognised at law.

yeah. This is very true. But there are cases where the judge invites elders of both family to settle the case out of court and the agreement of both family passed as judgement

@Elder001, what happens if it is the woman that is filing for divorce?
I don't see anything wrong with the woman getting a share of the husband's property. However, one has to watch out for gold diggers. Registry wedding provides protection for the woman. The intelligent ladies should opt for registry to avoid stories that touch.
A wealthy man can protect himself from gold diggers by forming a Trust and transferring the bulk of his assets to the Trust.

I think if any lady insist on Registry. Kindly prepare a prenup. That settles it