eldee:

Don't Pastor Chris me homie . . .

eldee:

that part you quoted all qualified the will, not wills of God in different aspects.
You say it like 'good, acceptable and perfect' are a comparative adjectives . . . hell the eff no. It's not 'good, better, best'.
All of them in that verse are inseparable . . . and they are all there for emphasis.

That verse does not count.

eldee:

As I said, divorce is not the will of God . . .

eldee:

Moses allowed it and by so doing, people went against God's will, which we are not to do as Christians. He answered them, "What did MOSES command you?" They said, "MOSES allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to put her away." But Jesus said to them, "For your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment." Mark 10:5 RSV

It is disobedience, God told us his will in Mal 2:16.

That said, we go to the case of forgiveness . . . if you agree that forgiveness is one major modification that Jesus made to the Mosaic laws (Matt 18:21), then you'll have to agree that it is impossible to be a Christian without forgiving your wife, even for the sin of adultery.

So if the forgiveness contract is what we sign everyday in our contract as Christians in the Lord's Prayer, how can you come out and say you're a Christian if you've not forgiven your cheating spouse??

eldee:

Oh . . . Luke doesn't record anything about adultery either, even when Jesus was talking about divorce.

You will do much better if you didn't read your own interpretations into the scriptures.

That analogy is B.S . . . excuse my French.

It's funny how you call it weakness when the people that actually show any remorse is the person that's cheated on.
Cheating is only weakness if the cheat doesn't make a choice to do it.
You can't just label things just because it affects you in a particular way.

I might as well say paying taxes is illegal.

eldee:

First of all I think bringing religion into this is unreasonable. . . but if you're going to bring in christianity, isn't divorce one thing Jesus forbade??
Isn't 'turn the other cheek' the main amendment to the Jesus made to the laws of Moses??

I'm not surprised though, Jesus said to beware of false prophets . . .

Our God, is a God of Fairness and Justice hence the commandment, "Thou shall not commit adultery", and you did.  

Yes, in relation to unfaithfulness God hate divorce, no doubts [Malachi 2:16] and on the same token, justified divorce (Matthew 5: 31) on only one ground - this topic we all are dealing with on here - 'infidelity or unfaithfulness'. So, your argument doesn't hold at all and I don't blame you because, you are not of the Faith, you would have known.  

If you analyse Christ teachings well, you'd realise that cases were dealt with, in their own contexts - contexts under which they happened. Listen, it means - you don't work in Ibadan and head off to England to claim your salary, got it?

Therefore, don't generalise based on what you're fed, just read the Bible to substantiate your arguments. No, point arguing over something that is unrelated to the issues we are dealing with on here. We are talking about infidelity or unfaithfulness and it's consequences and I'm sure those who have been victims understands the impact though, not from a Nigerian perspective as they can throw anything on woman - not in the West anyway, and I thank God for that!  And may God bless the suffragettes for giving us a mouth in challenging evil domination of men

You mentioned about "Turning the cheek". Turning the cheek is about forgiveness and forgiveness is an individual thing. Forgiveness is the hardest thing for individuals to do but tell me, how many more times would Nigerian women forgive these wayward husbands who understands the commandments yet, knowingly/purposely trash it? How many more times? Because, you seem a naturally forgiving person doesn't qualify you in condemning others who might need God's grace and guidance in this aspect. Please, don't judge!

Personally, I will forgive but I won't cope with it. For there's a difference between forgiving and coping with the aftermaths.  I haven't got that patience and I know my limits.  For me, forgiving means: yes, we're still friends, I will still look out for you but, there's no emotional ties or connection left in me for you - It means I don't love you no more! So, tell me of what use would it be sticking together just to please the neighbours, family and society in general when either of us are not happy?? Is marriage not meant for two happy people that truly love themselves?

To, me a cheat will always be a cheat because, a leopard never changes its spot. Once, a man/woman slept outside his/her marital bed with another person they'd do it all over again but I'm saying sorry, to the unassuming husband/wife.  For me, you don't stand a chance of deceiving/hurting me the second time - no chance!

bawomolo:

but what if its oga that owns the house 

If Oga don't want to be left in the cold, he shouldn't trash his family into pieces, should he? That's my take! Whether na Oga's ownam o o o and whether it cost ten billion o o  o, Oga go still stay in the dog house until such time when every letter in our agreement is read and analysed by the experts then, we will all be happy.  His loss, not mine.

oyinda.:

stalker

dayokanu:

Oya na, Weekend for Corpus to corpulate

I wan chop octoPUSSY

y me:

^^^^you nor go sleep?

mama-gee:

Don't worry, Paul the Octopus is calling.

He would even serve as a special dinner meal.

Akobaje:

Hello Theblessed. Is it possible as a Christian to forgive an erring husband? And why do you think a man who cheats once will cheat again? As for me I think women are the ones who cant stop cheating when they start and they are more adept at it.

Yes, its possible but don't expect everyone to.  Yes, one can forgive an error if the person is unaware of what he/she is doing - not when they knew what they were doing.  For example, if a man/woman went off and slept with another person - would they argue they never knew he/she does not look like their husband/wife?? Obviously, they knew and had a choice not to do it but independently chose to do it.  So, how can I cope with that?

My husband had a choice and the woman in front of him is not me - was it in the dark that he couldn't recognise that this woman does not in any ways bear resemblance of me e.g. my hairstyle, smell of my perfume, my bosoms and when he was kissing those lips, they did not feel soft/succulent and voluptuous as mine and then talk of my voice - boy, no excuse here o o o.  He chose to do it and he's done however, I can't cope.  

Secondly, if women are now competing seriously with men in this aspect - too bad.  But I for one, would never do such a thing whether for revenge o o o or to prove myself o o o - no matter the situation I can't but, there won't be any more loving from me to him - that's all I know.  

Glad you are here eloquently saying that Nigerian women are deeply into this wicked behaviour - not in terms of revenge to a wayward husband but for their own gratifications - that's very bad indeed. But remember, our men taught the women.

When a man takes another man's wife or daughter into a hotel room for his gratification, what does he expect when his wife/daughter are taken by another sugar daddy to the same place?  Men should ask themselves this question and answer it sincerely. It's all good, its all good, isn't it?? So, society has come to a point when a husband and wife can no longer trust each other in marriage then, what's the point of getting married in the first place when you could just drag any man/woman you fancy and make a couple of babies with them (assuming that's your need) thus, forget about marriage.   

You see, some time ago I presented this argument on here "that Nigerian women are as promiscuous as their men" but was jealously attacked by some ignorants here and now you are eloquently confirming this point. God bless you! You have an Eagle eye and that's special. So, I was not lying but those trying to shut me up were but, they can't.  Anyway, that's my answer to your query but turning the table on this issue of marital infidelity, how would you plead?

davidylan:

1. Drop the false gangsta language. It doesnt wash with me, i'd rather plain english.

davidylan:

I'll start with the bottom here in highlights. That is the TYPICAL response from those who are desperate to prove they are right even in the face of overwhelming evidence that they are totally WRONG.

davidylan:

Sorry, Romans 12:2 DID NOT qualify all the wills as you falsely allude. There is a reason the writer of Romans SPECIFICALLY used that language. The word "perfect" is NOT synonymous to "good" or "acceptable" . . . they are completely different. I did not address them as "comparative adjectives" e.g. good, better, best . . . that is your own delusion.

davidylan:

Lets explain a bit better - remember Balaam? God's PERFECT will was "do not go down with Balak". When he insisted God now said ok just go but only say what i put in your mouth . . . now did God change His mind there? YES . . . that was his permissive/acceptable will in action there. God allows certain things that may be against His original purpose if at the end of the day it brings about His own plan.

Remember David who killed Uriah to marry Bathsheba? Was that God's perfect will by which Solomon would be born? NO! If not God would not have sent Nathan to talk to David and taken the first born from that union.

Remember the parable of the sower? Why do we have some GOOD GROUND bringing 100 fold, some 60 and some 30? Is God's ultimate plan that all of us settle for a mediocre 30 fold rather than 100 fold?

davidylan:

nothing new. you're flogging a dead horse. I pointed out Mal 2:6 and Matthew 19 as examples of where God was EXPLICIT against divorce. We know it is not His perfect will.

davidylan:

we all agree with you on this. You're simply rehashing the same story.

davidylan:

Luke doesnt record it, Mark doesnt but Matthew does. Should we then throw the fact that Matthew records Christ stating adultery as the only motive for divorce out the window because only 1 of 4 gospels quote it? Absurd.

Read Deut 24:1 - that is the verse Christ was quoting directly. Matthew didnt just pick that statement up from the air.

oyinda.:


everyone has a freedom of choice
if the partner was despoiled, that's the only case where he/she didn't have a choice and that doesn't count as cheating.
or if they agreed to an open marriage. based on what their ideal of a relationship is.

usually, people who cheat will try to find an excuse to justify their act because they know the act is wrong. ie i stole from someone else because i was poor, i cheated because my wife wasn't satisfying me etc. that is a sign of weakness.

i don't get the part in bold.

Theblessed:

how many more times would Nigerian women forgive these wayward husbands who understands the commandments yet, knowingly/purposely trash it?

Theblessed:


To, me a cheat will always be a cheat because, a leopard never changes its spot. Once, a man/woman slept outside his/her marital bed with another person they'd do it all over again but I'm saying sorry, to the unassuming husband/wife.  For me, you don't stand a chance of deceiving/hurting me the second time - no chance!

Theblessed:


Personally, I will forgive but I won't cope with it. For there's a difference between forgiving and coping with the aftermaths.  I haven't got that patience and I know my limits.  For me, forgiving means: yes, we're still friends, I will still look out for you but, there's no emotional ties or connection left in me for you - It means I don't love you no more! So, tell me of what use would it be sticking together just to please the neighbours, family and society in general when either of us are not happy?? Is marriage not meant for two happy people that truly love themselves?

mama-gee:

^^Set which parole?

Please, go and sleep. . .your sleeping pills are at work.

chiogo:

In America, don't the women get the house? Whether or not the man owns it.

dayokanu:

I wan make you come sleep with me oya I dey wait.

eldee:

Cheating gives you undeserved edge in a relationship, that's why it's called 'cheating'.
It's not a weakness. . .

It's only a weakness when you don't make the choice to do it.

Cheating gives you undeserved edge in a relationship, that's why it's called 'cheating'.
It's not a weakness. . .

It's only a weakness when you don't make the choice to do it.

oyinda.:

let's put it this way: cheating is a weakness of character (or moral weakness). if you believe in marriage as a sacred institution between a man and a woman and you default against it, obviously you fell weak. if on d other hand you don't believe in marriage as an institution between a man and a woman, you would opt for an open marriage or become swingers. that to me doesn't count as cheating.
if you wouldn't tolerate your wife doing it, or tolerate your kids growing up to do it, then you are weak if you did it.

oyinda.:

and by the way, every one who cheats makes a conscious decision to do so. it's only if you didn't make the choice (ie you were despoiled) that it's not considered cheating. obviously.

and i'm sure when 49cents talks abt habitual cheaters as being "interiorly deformed" he's talking about ppl who have totally fallen n at their weakest points. maybe comparable to addicts and alcoholics. they really ARE to be pitied.

Rheinmetal:

Enough of all those westernized notions of marriage that is replete with contradictions. No wonder marriage as an institution is endangered in the so-called advanced societies. We might as well go back to the type of marriage practised by our forebears- the polygamous type and be spoilt for choice

Rheinmetal:

Yes marriage is bondage- a gold-gilded cage or haven't you heard. If people takes oath to cherish and to hold, love and uphold, in sickness and health, for better or for worse till death do you part, then be bound by it or don't get married. That is why marriage is a union of the mind as well as the body. No one is forced into it. If a cheating spouse is the "worse" for you in a marital union, am sure the cheating spouse has his "worse" from his significant other, and still stays married to her. So yes, if it the cheating becomes incessant try forgiveness, and if that does not work, drag him along with you for counselling. You vowed to stick with him till death, and is cheating according to your diagnosis not some moral sickness?

Akobaje:

I agree that for men and women it is difficult to stay with your partner after they have cheated on you but, its all in the mind.

When a man/woman cheats on a woman/man who has a vivid imagination, the only way they can remain together is through hypnosis. No matter how much they love each other, the mind will never be at rest with the memory of the cheating. So you see, it's not only the cheating that's the problem.

At the other end of the spectrum are those who either by lack of the faculty to visualise or by dint of will power or by their life experiences have lost or discarded the power of imagination. When such people cheat, they will deny even when you catch them at it and they expect that you will forgive them and forget it as soon as possible as if it never happened. I believe many women fall in this category so they find it easier to "forgive" the man. Of course they do not really forgive they just say to themselves "see this mugu he does not know what I have done". I think men need to wake up.

eldee:

Nah . . . you don't have to go into an open marriage just because you don't buy the concept of the sanctity of marriage.
You could just pretend like you do and just cheat. . . you get an unfair advantage and that's why you don't want your wife to do it.
If I con you and you lose money, it's my advantage, yo can take the moral high-ground, but one thing about ethical arguments is the question of, why should your ethical values rule mine??
Fornication used to be almost treasonable in Biblical times, they would have sentenced me to death by hanging while being stoned to death.

There's a difference between making a conscious decision and being weak.
There's a difference between drinking when you want to and being an addict.

Your theory is just the same as the 'he doesn't deserve you' speech girls give their girlfriends after they're dumped.

oyinda.:

if you don't buy the concept of sanctity of marriage, why would you object to your partner doing it?
if i believe that coning people is ethical, why should i be mad if someone else cons me?
unless u believe you are d exception to the rule of d universe or something (ie above all ). sounds like something from crime and punishment.

you say "unfair advantage" key word is "unfair" so therefore, you KNOW it's wrong. and it's unethical.

49cents:

very logical post
but why do people reject the idea of the sanctity of marriage?