interesting reads
that is why i'd chop off the man's abunna for cheating on me before leaving.
fight your battle ladies

This is pure traditional!

In Africa, a man can marry as many wives as he can maintain. For a woman to marry more than one man, she must first divorce the first man. That is the starting point.

How do one of the wives feel when she knows that the husband is in the other wives bed room, Jealous but can do  nothing but wait for her turn.

Infidelity of women are taken serious because, women are honour to their husband. And if you expose yourself to another man, you have exposed your husband unclothedness to another man. The man will not find it funny.

i love those who claim that cheating is allowed in the west because someone 50 years ago did it, someone stayed to further her political carrer and a druggy stayed, forget teh thousands who dont. men have this assinie idea that because they are "biologicaly programed" to spread thier seed they have every right but at teh same time women are "programed" to be constantly looking for teh best genes but they are supposd to supress those urges just because men say so. in male dominated societies men get away with it because women are shunned if they leave him. female dominated societies (yes they do exist) men are shunned for leaving. in relativly neutral societies like the "west" cheating is a deal breaker 95% of the time. yes there are those 5% that are stupid enough to stay. they may forgive but trust me a woman NEVER forgets what he did

chukz4real:

Personally, I think this trend has more to do with the way our society view gender differences and male folk superiority over women. When a guys sleeps around with gals, he' hailed by his folks as a happening guy with 101% swagger while if same is done by a woman. She is nothing but a damn love-peddler!

That has nothing to do with sexism or male folk superiority! It has to do with the relative ease to find a suitable partner to bed. It's the case of the key (man) and lock (lady). A key that can open any lock is called a master key. A lock that can be opened by any key is called a shitty lock!

it's a big insult and show of power for a man to sleep with another man's woman. Like an ancient King 'confiscating' another man's wife!

i agree with u

women feel hurt because of love
while men feel insulted because of pride and "show of power"
that's d difference.


this only applies to sexist countries like naija and afghanistan though.
In US, infidelity is not more difficult for guys because relationships are more equal. men don't feel d need to act like insulted Kings.

Pride

I think generally speaking, men have more fragile egos than women. Yes, individual exceptions exist, across all cultures, but we are just trying to draw a general line here. Apart from their brittle egos, men are also less emotionally stable than women. I doubt if any one knows why this is so - men are from Mars and women are from Venus? Most men are ultra sensitive to any hint that they are being cuckolded. It is rare to find any man, no matter how wretched or poor, who wants to be cuckolded. Remember the case of Julius Caesar and the height he took marital sensitivity in 62BC? Caesar's wife hosted a feast which no man was permitted to attend, but a daring adventurer, disguised as a woman, gained entrance because he wanted to seduce Caesar's wife. The man was caught and prosecuted. Caesar also divorced his wife, because according to him, 'my wife ought not even to be under suspicion'. Although modern laws are here which no longer permit such decisions, but the nature of man has hardly changed.

Unlike a man, a scorned woman often articulates a better and saner revenge, though her revenge may not come immediately. But men are wont to react immediately and more impulsively. Although you may find what I am about to say next highly controversial and I will put it frankly: a woman rarely believed that she owned the man; but for the man one of the incentives for marriage was the desire to 'own' the woman. It is only the Western ways, assisted by one-man-one-wife practice and the ensuing laws, that have tried to mask this age-long psychological characteristics of the male specie. It is not until this day that women, only aided by laws especially in Westernised countries, now believe that they equally 'own' the men.

My bet is that this trend shall continue, because men are different from women. You may see this position as sexist or chauvinistic but that doesn't change the situation.

However, you may find the scenario playing out differently when it is the woman making passes or initiating the relationship. Again, whether we admit it or not, the orthodox religions (worldwide) and even the traditional ones do not perceive women the same way as men, at least spiritually. Theoretically speaking, this may also be a vestige of man-woman relationship of thousands of years ago although the spiritual connotations are different. There are restrictions on the dressing, public speaking in worship places, head covering , etc on a woman. A few hundred years of 'modernisation' is yet to change this thousands of years of scripting.

Simply Africa Tradition and Islamic ( with all due respect to African and Moslems)  ! They see it as a serious taboo when a woman does that

I have asked myself this question a lot of times and i researched and this is what i came up with.
it all starts with our initial idea and learned believe of what sex in arelatinship is like( this is basically unconcious).

Most women internalzed sex in relationship, while most men see it as a means of satatisfing a drive.

before a woman should allow a man to sleep with her(except she is a postitutee) she will allow herself to belive that she loves the man and the man loves her, this make it easy for her to open up her legs, that is why they can go to any lenght to make their relationship work, she forgive, and take any kind of shit. i also found out that hawkers  and condemed because of they have suppressd this ability, and therefore can open their legs to any tom, dick and harry

but a man does not allow his emotions to run like that. yet he recognizez this fact in women(still an unconcious process) therefore he knows that before his woman slept with that man, she must have internalized her feelings for him and allow her emotions to run deeply for her secret lover before she slept with him. this affects the man's ego and he tends to over react

Note: this happens majority of times in people and not all the time to everybody. we generalize with the high number of occurance

oyinda.:

i agree with u

women feel hurt because of love
while men feel insulted because of pride and "show of power"
that's d difference.


this only applies to sexist countries like naija and afghanistan though.
In US, infidelity is not more difficult for guys because relationships are more equal. men don't feel d need to act like insulted Kings.

Very meaningful insight; yet within this pride men admittedly have, there is this piercing and painful realization of i'm not good enough of after all i did to please her; of despite how much more i love her.

But is the pride bad?

African_queen:

Pride

how can u just say pride, everybody has pride. please learn to think outside the box. unless u are trying to tell me women dont have pride

frank3.16:

I have asked myself this question a lot of times and i researched and this is what i came up with.
it all starts with our initial idea and learned believe of what sex in arelatinship is like( this is basically unconcious).

Most women internalzed sex in relationship, while most men see it as a means of satatisfing a drive.

before a woman should allow a man to sleep with her(except she is a postitutee) she will allow herself to belive that she loves the man and the man loves her, this make it easy for her to open up her legs, that is why they can go to any lenght to make their relationship work, she forgive, and take any kind of poo. i also found out that hawkers  and condemed because of they have suppressd this ability, and therefore can open their legs to any tom, manliness and harry

but a man does not allow his emotions to run like that. yet he recognizez this fact in women(still an unconcious process) therefore he knows that before his woman slept with that man, she must have internalized her feelings for him and allow her emotions to run deeply for her secret lover before she slept with him. this affects the man's ego and he tends to over react

Note: this happens majority of times in people and not all the time to everybody. we generalize with the high number of occurance

Thanks Frankie you've made ma day with your "exegesis". The fact that men know that
what makes his wife cheat in him is more that the drive he too has; he knows she had given somebody else everything, now i am talking about pure woman not a slutty woman like the prostitute who for non-love reasons will part her legs

(except she is a postitutee)

so do you mean that love-peddlers are men in disguise? 

@49cent,

and men who part their legs for no reason. what are they called? champions? pure?
are there such thing as "pure men"?

frank3.16:

how can u just say pride, everybody has pride. please learn to think outside the box. unless u are trying to tell me women dont have pride

women are not allowed to have pride in naija.
that's why i compared the men to kings and the women to slaves. do slaves have pride?

oyinda.:

this only applies to sexist countries like naija and afghanistan though.
In US, infidelity is not more difficult for guys because relationships are more equal. men don't feel d need to act like insulted Kings.

Relationships in the US are not any different. The laws try to balance it (in a woman's favor of course) and there isn't much the man can do in terms of retribution / revenge. Moreover we are talking about real men here and not some pu*ssy whipped guy who will take any given crap from his woman.

For example, I catch my woman cheating on me (god forbid lol) in 9ja. If I can exercise restrain, and not send her and her lover to meet God right away, I will definitely kick her out of the house or smth to show power. If the same thing happened in the US, I can't just kick her out (if we hv both cosigned the house or smth), and there is little I can do to show her in terms of power. But that doesn't mean I am taking it any lighter. Either ways the relationship is over.

Granted, the american woman finds it easier to call it quits, but those ones will quit over anything anyways (not just cheating. Not to mention, they cheat as much as the men.

oyinda.:

so do you mean that love-peddlers are men in disguise? 

@49cent,

and men who part their legs for no reason. what are they called? champions? pure?
are there such thing as "pure men"?  

i came to this realization as i was  posting; myep men are love-peddlers almost by default

deniyor:

Relationships in the US are not any different. The laws try to balance it (in a woman's favor of course) and there isn't much the man can do in terms of retribution / revenge. Moreover [b]we are talking about real men here and not some pu*ssy whipped guy [/b]who will take any given crap from his woman.

For example, I catch my woman cheating on me (god forbid lol) in 9ja. If I can exercise restrain, and not send her and her love to meet God right away, I will definitely kick her out of the house or smth to show power. If the same thing happened in the US, I can't just kick her out (if we hv both cosigned the house or smth), and there is little I can do to show her in terms of power. But that doesn't mean I am taking any lighter. Either ways the relationship is over.

Granted, the american woman finds it easier to call it quits, but those ones will quit over anything anyways (not just cheating. Not to mention, they cheat as much as the men.

so oyinbo relationship is in women's favor
and naija relationship is in men's favor.

i prefer oyinbo relationship  

49cents:


i came to this realization as i was  posting; myep men are love-peddlers almost by default

not all men. just naija men.  because they grew up in a culture that promotes it.
i would never marry one unless he grew up in US among white ppl or he is a "p*ussy whipped guy"

oyinda.:

not all men. just naija men. because they grew up in a culture that promotes it.
i would never marry one unless he grew up in US among white ppl.

I said by default meaning even in the best of sane societies he still possesses an innate urge want to philander about cos it gives a very desired feeling of conquest and power, which is what men seek in sex(which is proper to their sexuality) Do women feel powerful by getting laid by every Tom,Ddick and harry?

First of all, how can you discuss a topic  based on a false and flawed statement "Why Is The Infidelity Of A Woman More Difficult For The Guys?" What scientific proof do you have that infidelity is more difficult for a woman? After all majority of the persons in the prostitution business are females and not male, and this is not just because of economic hardship because even in the advanced parts of the world, prostitution still exist. Women just lie a lot better and conceal things better than men. When it comes to infidelity I believe we both are just as equal, just men get caught a lot more plus men don't want to believe their woman is cheating on them because it is a blow to their ego, so they will rather accept the explanation given to them by their woman which is often a lie " No he is not an old friend, or a colleague, No she is not going over to his house to discuss work, No it is not a harmless friendship there is always some ulterior motive. No man alive can satisfy a woman appetite both emotionally, spiritually, sexually. If a woman really likes you, then she will bring herself down to your level and temporarily forfeit all her appetite. That is why it is painfull for a woman when you finally cheat on her cause she's like "WHAT?? AFTER ALL I SACRIFICED FOR THIS DUDE YOU STILL MESSED UP"

oyinda.:


so oyinbo relationship is in women's favor
and naija relationship is in men's favor.

i prefer oyinbo relationship  

Oyinda(mola?) I fully support you. You want to go for a pro women relationship, like in the US, go for it. There are two things you also have to consider (I'm guessing you live in the states and you already know it).

1. There is nothing like a man/woman's role. This is good for you as you can get the man to help with the house chores and not just put his feet up on the table and expect dinner to be served. My dear, you will also have to take up the man's role and hussle for money as the man too.

2. If you are expecting a real man, 87% of the time, forget it. He will probably be as whinny and needy as a woman. Don't really expect him to take control or act like a man. On the bright side, you will get a man puppy you can tell or make do anything you want, till you find it boring and find something else on the side. The good part of it is, he will take you back and beg you not to cheat again. You can if you want, really.

oyinda.:

not all men. just naija men. because they grew up in a culture that promotes it.
i would never marry one unless he grew up in US among white ppl or he is a "p*ussy whipped guy"

Hmmm

But whats your point here? That white people dont cheat or what? A lot of white men also cheat on their wives. The show Cheaters is in USA and mostly about caucasian people who are caught, My parents have been married for 30yrs, Almost everyone in my family have been married and never divorced. Most of my friends have parents who have never divorced

All the best in your search for the one who grew up in US among white ppl or he is a "p*ussy whipped guy who is going through his 3rd divorce and probably has 4 baby mommas Mscheeww

This is the result of Jealosy and Unforgiveness in the side of men

not all men. just naija men. because they grew up in a culture that promotes it.
i would never marry one unless he grew up in US among white ppl or he is a "p*ussy whipped guy"

i guess growing up among white people makes me a better dating partner. Are the likes of mel gibson and charlie sheen black?

49cents:

I said by default meaning even in the best of sane societies he still possesses an innate urge want to philander about cos it gives a very desired feeling of conquest and power, which is what men seek in sex(which is proper to their sexuality) Do women feel powerful by getting laid by every Tom,Ddick and harry?

to me, cheating is weak not powerful. it just means you have no sense of self discipline
and only a weak man will not be able to handle it when his wife cheats.

^^ But the white men dont cheat like Nigerians that have it in their culture abi?

dayokanu:

^^ But the white men dont cheat like Nigerians that have it in their culture abi?

does he look white to you 

oyinda.:

and only a weak man will not be able to handle it when his wife cheats.

does having an huge ego automatically translate to weakness? would I be weak if i dump my wife after finding out the kids were actually fathered by the gardener?

bawomolo:

i guess growing up among white people makes me a better dating partner.   Are the likes of mel gibson and charlie sheen black?

the growing up among white ppl thing was a joke. yea it doesn't make sense lol

to be honest with u, i'm around African guys a lot and they disgust me. very filthy bunch. and i'm sure majority of them will be cheating on their spouse when they get married. to them that's the quality of a "real man"
i don't like the part of african culture that allows men to be spoilt rotten and be irresponsible. i'm not saying all are but majority are.

@dayokanu,
of course nigerians don't have high divorce rates. if women divorced their husband for cheating in naija, divorce rate will be worse than USA. lol
naija women are expected to accept male infidelity.
i know a naija woman who put condoms in her husband's suitcase when he was going to visit naija on a trip (so obviously she's not finding it hard that her husband is cheating on her). this are the kinds of things that lead to topics like this.

oyinda.:

the growing up among white ppl thing was a joke. yea it doesn't make sense lol

to be honest with u, i'm around African guys a lot and they disgust me. very filthy bunch. and i'm sure majority of them will be cheating on their spouse when they get married. to them that's the quality of a "real man"
i don't like the part of african culture that allows men to be spoilt rotten and be irresponsible. i'm not saying all are but majority are.

but aren't the women who are fine being concubines and girl toys also part of the problem.

i know a naija woman who put condoms in her husband's suitcase when he was going to visit naija on a trip (so obviously she's not finding it hard that her husband is cheating on her). this are the kinds of things that lead to topics like this.

you see, the women are conducive with this behavior. Nigerian men and women need to be wise about who they choose as a partner.

anyways
this topic is silly. just another one of those excuses for men to cheat on their wives. because the wife can "handle it better"

bawomolo:

but aren't the women who are fine being concubines and girl toys also part of the problem.

i know a naija woman who put condoms in her husband's suitcase when he was going to visit naija on a trip (so obviously she's not finding it hard that her husband is cheating on her). this are the kinds of things that lead to topics like this.

you see, the women are conducive with this behavior. Nigerian men and women need to be wise about who they choose as a partner.

yea that's d problem.
many naija women have been brainwashed to accept it. that it's normal for a man to cheat. even men have internalized it. many even think it's part of their genes to cheat on their wives.

dayokanu:

^^ But the white men dont cheat like Nigerians that have it in their culture abi?

the oyinbo men dat cheat know that they will see pepper if they get caught. so i doubt they cheat as much
naija men see it as a manly right. at least that's how it seems from reading these nairaland topics and from their promiscuous behaviors. ie it's ok for men to be like that.