Alesandese:
He should be open to other's opinions too. But why rush into something you will have forever? I think the problem is the escape route people have out of marriage...Divorce.

If there isn't divorce people will learn to look before leaping.

Alesandese:
Point to me the weapon I used in attacking you . You are entitled to your opinion Mister.

Toks2008:


If you know it is my opinion then why lash out at me with your comment?

"Your view of marriage is questionable. You shouldn't mislead people here with such myopic mindset....Pardon my words"

lefulefu:
but if i dont court a lady then how can i marry her? haba i cant just wake up one morning and pick a stranger on the street because i want to get married.you have to date or court her at least for some time to know her character.and op understand what we do in naija is not dating but booty calling .a situation where a guy has 50 girlfriends and the lady has 100 boyfriends plus 6 sugardaddies and the HOD in her school"s dept is her bookkeeper ....etc u cant call that one dating na

babyfaceafrica:
Not bad..OP you don't have to respond to everybody nah..some will get it,some won't ..leave them..haba!!

Alesandese:
If you want me to say those three words, I won't. You missed the emboldened BTW

Toks2008:


I have lost friends who tend to be myopic as regards my articles. ..they juxtapose my realistic threads to who I am and I'm sorry I can't help them on that.

I'm a realist and I dont write things to favor the way they ought to be rather I write stuffs the way they are.

I hate divorce but what if I marry today and the lady decides to divorce me against all odds would you blame me for that? does it not take two to tango?

People have blamed Chris oyakhilome for his wife's decision to divorce him and I keep wondering how people see things.

If you like preach about marital chastity but that does not change the fact that people leave their marriage daily and if a lady is too careful about getting married because she hates divorce then she should rather remain single for life cos shits happen in marriage even if you the lady is an angel.

My point is simple

Take the risk and dare the consequence rather than being careful forever which is never a guaranty of good marriage.

Toks2008:


I saw those words quite alright but why say sorry after you deliberately slapped me?

Anyways its ok

Toks2008:


Some usually start on an intellectual note but tend to get too personal and at that point,I ignore.

Alesandese:
Courtship / dating opens your eyes to some things in your partner. Courtship is when you how your level of compatibility. It is the time to build friendship and love that sees marriages through obstacles. Marriage is in stages jumping over one is disastrous.

Sometimes we tend to minimize reality to our experiences alone, then we become insane to others. Don't judge everything from your own perspective only.

Toks2008:

1.For the guys :

Understand that whatever pleases your eyes will inadvertently please your soul so go for a lady that catches your fancy physically, ask her some basic questions about her persona and take the risk as long as you can feed yourself and one more person and also have a place of your own.

If you can afford a lavish wedding then go ahead but if not talk to your woman about doing a small wedding by paying her bride price and going to the registry while you both plan for a bigger wedding.

If she refuses then help her foolishness by enjoying wify duties from her while she continues to wait but if she accepts your plan please go ahead and marry her and try to work out your differences...

Remember that you can never know a woman but you can only try to understand her gradually only when you start living together.

And remember that though GOD hates divorce,there is always an option of walking away from the marriage if needs be.

2.For the ladies:

Save your self the bull poo of dating and courtship...it's a total waste of time cos it's no guaranty of a happy union.

Except you are a teenager or in your adolescent when dating is mostly just for the fun of it,if you are really interested in a purposeful affair then you don't need to court any guy for more than a year.

If you see a guy you have strong desire for and he says he wants you,...do a quick background check on him and if you are ok with your findings..take that risk and go for it...

Stop complicating your life about doing an expensive wedding by fire by force...you can always do that latter but if the money is available then go ahead with the wedding of your dreams

I have seen many guys and ladies despite their over Sabi and meticulous courtship still break up with their spouse so why fool yourself.

If you like continue to waste your time looking for the ideal man and fooling yourself in the name of courtship while actually getting used by the guy.

No matter how hard you try and how long you court a man, you can never truly know any man until you start living with him and a guy that truly wants you as a wife does not need any yeye long courtship with you.

Marriage is overrated so stop killing yourself trying to be in the best marriage...just take the risk...if it favors you,stay and if not,leave..marriage is very essential for companionship expecially when we get into our older years but it is never a do or die affair so why waste your time trying to be too careful when you can never be sure of getting an ideal man or woman no matter how careful you may be.

My take.

Toks2008:


You just nailed it...booty call and that is why it gets do frustrating

I claim to be in courtship but what I'm actually doing is sampling...I'm trying to see how good she screws in bed and how sweet her body structure feels in my hands....is that courtship?

Even with real courtship you tend to miss out on many things.

See let's not fool ourselves...a man knows if he will posibly marry a lady he sees for the very first time...we know what we want so that courtship thing is just a facade we use to sample ladies.

Toks2008:


You just nailed it...booty call and that is why it gets do frustrating

I claim to be in courtship but what I'm actually doing is sampling...I'm trying to see how good she screws in bed and how sweet her body structure feels in my hands....is that courtship?

Even with real courtship you tend to miss out on many things.

See let's not fool ourselves...a man knows if he will posibly marry a lady he sees for the very first time...we know what we want so that courtship thing is just a facade we use to sample ladies.

dacblogger:
Marriage is a huge scam...pple just do it for the sake of the society and reproducing.

QueenSuccubus:


REII.GN have u already found the easy road to matrimony?

lefulefu:

i saw in ur post where u talked about the type of physical qualities a man wants in a lady that attracts him in a lady.I agree with this but apart frm this the character is also important.look, some ladies can pretend for africa.they will camouflage their true character to u that u might think they are the virgin mary.so tell me if u rush into marriage with such and she eventually shows her true self to you how will u feel? its better u date b4 marriage cos during that time her true self will be unmasked.but some guys take the dating issue in a wrong way.humping and dumping girls or what some ppl call chop and clean mouth is what gives the false impression that dating and relationship is complex when in reality its not.

lefulefu:

but sexual compactibility is important in a marriage or dont u agree? if u have a high sex drive can u get married to a fridgid woman? lets be realistic on this.

Ishilove post=5th 4269749:

Tokunbo!!

Smh

Toks2008:


If you read your first comment you will agree with me that you buttressed my point.

Since you agree that a lady can pretend then why waste time in courtship when she can "pretend for Africa" as you put it

This is why I prefer due diligence on any lady I intend marrying...all these courtship na wash.

Toks2008:


Many differences can be worked out...

Our parents had black market marriage yet they are much happier than the present day couples.

lefulefu:

guy if u let a lady to know at the initial point that u interested in marriage she"s going to pretend that she"s a rare gem.this is a fact.the first thing that attracts u to a woman at first could be her physical appearance or if u one of those very strict born again christians u got attracted to her cos she can speak in tongues,she can pray for long hours etc.but apart frm these qualities how will u know her inner qualities like is she motherly? is she selfless? etc if u dont date her.u need to date her to know if she has those inner qualities u want in a woman.marrying a total stranger could be catastrophic .

lefulefu:

guy if u let a lady to know at the initial point that u interested in marriage she"s going to pretend that she"s a rare gem.this is a fact.the first thing that attracts u to a woman at first could be her physical appearance or if u one of those very strict born again christians u got attracted to her cos she can speak in tongues,she can pray for long hours etc.but apart frm these qualities how will u know her inner qualities like is she motherly? is she selfless? etc if u dont date her.u need to date her to know if she has those inner qualities u want in a woman.marrying a total stranger could be catastrophic .

Toks2008:


I agree with you and it's not as if I'm against dating or courtship but when it goes beyond a year I don't see it as meaningful.

Another fact is that when you get to certain age group you will understand that dating and courtship holds no water but only a background check can give you a true picture of who the person is.

Do you expect a 30something year old lady or guys in late 30s to start courting for years?

This piece is for them.

Toks2008:


I agree with you and it's not as if I'm against dating or courtship but when it goes beyond a year I don't see it as meaningful.

Another fact is that when you get to certain age group you will understand that dating and courtship holds no water but only a background check can give you a true picture of who the person is.

Do you expect a 30something year old lady or guys in late 30s to start courting for years?

This piece is for them.

Alesandese:
Courtship / dating opens your eyes to some things in your partner. Courtship is when you how your level of compatibility. It is the time to build friendship and love that sees marriages through obstacles. Marriage is in stages jumping over one is disastrous.

Sometimes we tend to minimize reality to our experiences alone, then we become insane to others. Don't judge everything from your own perspective only.

dacblogger:
Marriage is a huge scam...pple just do it for the sake of the society and reproducing.

RadiantBae:


I'm sorry but it feels like you're arguing for the sake of arguing. The op is against long courtship. A year of meeting someone is more than enough time to know if you and this person are compatible. Men know from day one and women warm to it. They say men are microwaves and women are steam cookers. 1 year is enough time. So he is not against courtship he is against all the nonsense in the middle like lavish weddings and 4 year courtship due to "I'm not ready." If you love someone and you are serious about settling down don't let anyone waste your time. I say dating over 2 years is bullshit because you should know by then that you want to marry this person or not.

An0nimus:


End of discussion.

This is a simple issue really. Toks may be controversial sometimes but he hit this one on the head.

RadiantBae:


I'm sorry but it feels like you're arguing for the sake of arguing. The op is against long courtship. A year of meeting someone is more than enough time to know if you and this person are compatible. Men know from day one and women warm to it. They say men are microwaves and women are steam cookers. 1 year is enough time. So he is not against courtship he is against all the nonsense in the middle like lavish weddings and 4 year courtship due to "I'm not ready." If you love someone and you are serious about settling down don't let anyone waste your time. I say dating over 2 years is bullshit because you should know by then that you want to marry this person or not.

RadiantBae:


Absolutely he did! People keep arguing the extreme which is marrying a stranger. Op said a year of dating is more than enough if you are ready which means you ask the right questions, bring about the right circumstances and know what you want in a mate. Meet the right people in their family and be serious about actually getting married. Not meet in the bedroom and leave and think you know that person. Live together for 6 months of that year with the intention of leading and working towards marriage. All this boyfriend girlfriend stuff is for those women under 25 and men under 30. After that we should be old enough to know what we want out of life.

lefulefu:

when u say background check hope u not talking about checking on her family? i am asking cos hope u do know there some female undergraduates whose parents are pastors and deacons but they engage in runz.