₦airaland Forum

MrBrownJay1:
Women are all different and you cant just use what happened between you and one bad Apple, to suddenly judge them all.... Thats just a sure way to fail.
Some women will dig you within a few dates and others will need to have more time to develop some genuine feelings.... Expecting ALL women to be receptive of you (within a set short time), regardless of who she is, is simply wrong....and thats why COMMUNICATION is so important.



I think they only lack healthy honest COMMUNICATION between them.... I mean after a few weeks of dating, that man should have asked that question, not after such a long time. As much as what she did Aint normal, i could understand the babe's actions, especially in Nigeria where Peer/social/religious/family PRESSURE is real.



I think the above is a dangerous step to take, because you are not honest with who you are and start to play games..... Why portray being uninterested if you really care for the babe?! Thats a sure way to mess with a good thing. Instead a man should be honest and let the babe know how he feels about her, and ask her to be honest in return about how she feels about him. Sadly, many Nigerian men are not comfortable with opening their heart and being fully honest with a woman (and vice versa), thus why so many r/ship fail.

It's nothing to do with "games" as you put it.
It is simply about valuing yourself and being honest to yourself.

If for whatever reason you have told a woman what your intentions are, and 5 months down the lane she has not decided what she wants to do with you, then you need to value yourself enough to stop pursuing and let her be (best way to do this is to basically meet other women). If she wants you, the thought of losing you will usually help her decide quickly on what she wants to do and if it is not, at least you don't waste another 3 months of your precious time begging for attention like some pet.

You don't put your life on ransom at someone else's whim just because she is a woman you have feelings for. You help her understand through your honest actions that everything has a time limit, especially your interest in her.

It's really that simple.

MrBrownJay1:
@Gloria34
I certainly would like to know your answer to his question...... And why you didn't tell him exactly that?

If you see him as a friend then at least let him know about it so you guys Aint wasting each others time. Let him also have the choice to bounce if he feeds that he is wasting his time.



Love has nothing to do with this issue, because if "she" loved him she wouldnt be turned off by his contact.

She is just friend zoning the heck out of the guy.
Honestly, no matter what logic is in place, I feel her feelings for him will be much clearer when she sees him having moved on with another girl.

As a man, when you find yourself basically asking a woman for more affection, you are already going down the wrong path. The best way is to step back and let her CHOOSE to step forward. During this seeing back period, also begin to start forgetting her and start going on other dates. The onus is on her at that point to decide if she wants you enough to try.

Guys, you need to learn to sit back sometimes and let the woman invest too. No be only you waka come. It is in her investing that you know if she is actually worth your time.

Lucifer66:
There's a reason I used the "average " Nigerian girl.
It has a meaning

I find statistics terms are a hard thing for people to grasp lately.
You say average, some, most and everyone starts swarming your bloody mentions with accusations of generalizing.
It's pathetic.

LOL you married a freak....in a good way.
Most women would enjoy it and be grateful for a husband that basically worships them....but no, you're just another nigerian basic bitch

He is submissive and wishes you'd be more dominant. Read up on subs and doms.
There is nothing wrong with being licked on (unless you are basic)

As to the poop thing, that one is advanced O.
Obviously dude has some sort of deep fetish and has seen too much nasty porn. It's up to you to decide if you want to help him get help or help him indulge in his deeply unhealthy fetish.

You Nigerians love to be under oppression.
I will always marvel at the foolishness of Nigerians who vote for APC or PDP instead of the new parties like AAC/Sowore.

Nigeria right now is as Jerusalem was to Jesus. Pathetic.

Admin401:
Their government really takes care of them, but they still hate the government.

Human beings will never be satisfied.
If you gave them $1000 for free every month, they will eventually hate you for not making it $2000.

Admin401:
Why arw African American women so beautiful?

Genetic mixing.
Also, no matter how "hard" growing up is might be for even a poor person in yankee, Every human being (that isn't a druggie) should be able to get their basic needs met (food stamps, welfare, etc) unlike naija where there is no such thing as welfare.

Although welfare does have its pros and cons.

Angela777:
Yes. You are right. Better to marry FOR REAL and to build the new life in US and release your girlfriend in Nigeria, so she also can build her life.

By the way, if you lie to US government, it is never forgiven. Even if it is discovered years after you forged your documents or married for papers, even if you are already a US citizen, if the lying is discovered, you get jail and deportation. Do you need to live your life in fear of that? I don't think so. Any man or woman with brain, will better do it right and secure his/her life and future with no fear to lose it.

The US government is the real mafia. They will Bleep you up bad mehn if you fall into their hand.

Angela777:
If an American marries you understanding it's simply a business arrangement, this American will face jail and $250,000 fine, as well as losing all his/her assets, house, car, job, pension and getting out of jail, he/she never finds a job, because it's a big crime to cheat on American government. That's why this business arrangement maybe accepted by a low level trash people, drug addicts who don't care and want your money for marriage, yet they will ask you for more money and more and cheat you in getting a Green Card.

And about a foreigner, Nigerian in this case, marrying as the way to get the Green Card, not for real, he is sent to jail too, $250,000 fined too and deported banned for life from ever come back to US. It's is the LAW. And in America the Law is observed well.

Yup.
And this is why I tell them... Close up old romantic tethers, travel light, and marry in the US FOR REAL if your goal is to migrate here and your girls friend or boyfriend can't come with you. You complicate your life much less this way.

InyinyaAgbaOku:
Why is it called Shola?

Why do we call papers "kpali"?

Extremism:
Bros, any marriage plans wey don begin get K-Leg like this get as e be oo so better run. I had similar experience when I wanted to marry one Igbo babe like that. We had dated for three whole years and it was time to get married. Na wedding venue destroy our relationship oo. I'll advise you thread with caution at this stage. It may be a sign that you and the lady aren't meant to be together.

You should not go into marriage because of threats of calling off the marriage. That's not a good foundation to start a marriage. Take a decision and stand by it. If your woman and her family doesn't like it, so be it. But never ever bow to threats and blackmail. It's not a question of what your mother wants but what you think is best for you.

Lol lemme guess...she wanted it in her village and you didn't?

Valerie47:
Ladies that have boyfriend over to you

On the real, I'm not seeing a whole lot of female comments.
Surely they have something or experiences to add to this subject....they are typically the victims.

You need to call both your fiance and your mother to order.
Both females are over reaching and misbehaving.
Be sure to address and treat the disrespect from both of them...

Regarding your mom...I can tell you are a weak mama's boy who has never had the gall to call your misbehaving parents to order before and setting boundaries. You need to have become comfortable with this prior to your wedding....or it will not end with the wedding. You are less able to do this though if you are not paying for your own wedding....which you should tbh.

Regarding your girl, If you decide not to marry the girl, she'll see who will lose.
You are the man. Your desires matter too. If she doesn't believe this, tell her to go find another groom for HER wedding.

After you are done treating each person's fuckup and bringing them to reality, sit down like a man and choose how you want to move forward.

SkinnyNigga:
hahahaha.. wouldn't marry one? see this Foo! who are you.

Someone who hates being looked at by a girl and her family as an ATM to brag about (because...culture).
I'm a human being.

ositadima1:
I joined nairaland early January to get my dick wet, guess what, it's mid December and I am still a virgin. I cried my self to sleep last night, I can't do this anymore.

Yeah the igbo person is to be feared when it comes to anything money.
It's why I can't marry one. I and all the Igbo girls I have dated tend to have a different mindset when it comes to money and contentment.
The oriaku syndrome is strong in them....and it must be so at ALL costs.

excessmon:
I observed that the major people that comment on relationship issues are basically boys and girls that are not old enough of having relationship and keeping one




Please there should be what you learn from ......not u talking on every topic despite being as naive as sowore in Nigerian politics.........



My piece though!!!!####!!!!

Sowore is not "naive".

You cannot put New wine in an old wineskin.
Nigeria is in desperate need of NEW WINE!

All must be new.

What happened?

Yes they enjoy it. Tell her to get her 14-inch strap while you surrender your stinky yanshhole to her gbola.

Jchi9876:
Typical naija tout.You are happy you broke the terms of your visa and feel no form of remorse.

The way you express yourself is very typical of Nigerians living illegally in the states. Very loud and obnoxious set of people always taking pride in foolish things and expecting a clap in the back.

You are poorly exposed and ignorant.
Relax !!!! You still in the euphoria your eyes go clear soon

Imagine him saying someone can live comfortably and without hassles as an illegal.

Na dem we dey hear everyday for news say "ICE has just retrieved and deported XYZ people".
This thread does not cover married people nor does it cover illegal things.

airsaylongcon:
Thanks for the advice. Forgot to add that there was verbal and written abuse. Man even doubted paternity and got DNA done. That part is doing my head in

Well, words of doubt and suspicion are not really abuse.
If he has been physical, Then the chances are certainly higher that she can score a clear green.
But she needs to get her lawyers involved fast so she can be sure she is setting things up well.

airsaylongcon:
So my female cousin (against the will of the family) married a Nigerian-American. Marriage will be three years in January. 8-month old son. But it has been turbulent.

Turns out man is a 3 time divorcee. With kids (2,3?) almost in their teens and his parents. All living together Stateside. Man's military. After so much turbulence man has filed for divorce and cuz is still on Conditional green.

What options are possible for cuz regards maintaining her green?

Sorry I'm a bit cryptic. Man's military and they somehow get to track these things

She'll have to get a family and also immigration lawyer.
It is possible that she might be able to still snag a normal, unconditional green. (e.g VAWA)
I'll leave it to her and her lawyer(s) to discuss those options.

Olddirtywizard:
Well, you have no business studying in US if you don't have full tuition waiver plus a steady monthly stipend. US is not a place where you can work and study on F1 visa. It's just not possible.

But a PhD student with a guaranteed funding for five years can easily bring his wife and children and live happily thereafter. Folks even give birth and bring grandma for omugo or what's it called. it's so common and widespread that I wouldn't call this a strategy

Bro, There is nothing common about "Full Tuition Waiver plus a steady monthly stipend" ...

Olddirtywizard:
Well, you are wrong. Let me give you one example.

2buffagain is a student on F1 visa but to bring his wife to US, he needs to show a balance of $6000 in his bank account to secure Form I 20 for partner's F2 visa interview. 2buffagain is obviously on a struggle level as a student but could rally round friends and pull resources together to meet the target. Personally, I know more than 50 people who did it and it's not illegal. It's perfectly legitimate; just networking to survive. This is how foreign students studying in US bring their partners. If you have a child, that includes additional $2000.

Now, a graduate student on a monthly $2000 stipend can live perfectly okay with his partner. And your child(ren) can attend school free of charge up to secondary school level. There is difference between hustling to make it and then saying it's altogether impossible. The only expensive part is buying ticket which folks put on credit card and keep transferring from one card to another to avoid accumulating huge interests until it's paid off. So what do you say?

I say it's a nice strategy!
Learnt something new bro.

Definitely quite involved and relies on a lot of "ifs" tho....like getting a particular graduate job.
Jobs are hard bets everywhere in the world right now.

At the end of the day, this strategy falls under employment green card or "extra-ordinary person" green card.
Both of which I already listed in the opening post and have been made notably harder by Trump.

Onlytru:
Your statement is partially true. The false part is that "step-sibling" can't file for each other. There is/are no category(ies) for step-sibling or cousins, uncle, aunts, etc to file for a family member. However, parents can file for their married/unmarried child(ren), brother/sister can file for their immediate sibling for immigrant visa

Not true...

See the respective section on filing for step-siblings https://www.uscis.gov/family/family-us-citizens/bringing-siblings-live-united-states-permanent-residents

If you and your sibling are related through adoption, please also submit:

A copy of the adoption decree(s) showing that the adoption took place before you or your sibling (the adopted child) became 16 years old.

If you and your sibling are related through a step-parent, please also submit:

Copies of documents showing that any prior marriage(s) of the natural parent and/or step-parent were legally terminated, AND
A copy of the marriage certificate of the step-parent to the natural parent (age restrictions for meeting definition of step-child apply)

If you and your sibling have a common (biological) father but different mothers (i.e. you are paternal half-siblings), please also submit:

Copies of the marriage certificates of the father to each mother, AND
Copies of documents showing that any prior marriages of either your father or mothers were legally terminated.

Note: If your name or your sibling’s name has changed, please include proof of the legal name change (may include marriage certificate, divorce decree, adoption decree, court judgment of name change, etc.)

Olddirtywizard:
It depends on many variables. But let me give you just one example.

2buffagain left Nigeria for US to pursue graduate studies on F1 Visa.
(a) if married before he left Nigeria, he could send documentation to his wife/children to schedule F2 visa interview, and come over without much hassle.
(b)Otherwise, he would need to go home, marry and then bring his wife along etc.
You can't work on F2 visa but can live in US as long as your F1 partner is in status. Your wife can even apply for change of visa status from F2 to F1 without leaving US and also pursue graduate studies.

Let's say, 2buffagain got his PhD or masters and landed an offer in one of these good companies. He will move from F1 to O/H1B and his dependents would be issued O/H4. Dependents can still not work, but have full rights to live in US as long as principal visa holder is in status. 2buffagain and his dependents can then move from O/H1B to green card.

Many serious folks got their PhD within five years, and then green card, two years after graduation.

Bottomline, don't date losers!

Lol and how will he be able to sponsor this family for all these many years when he can't do real work besides small student jobs? There is paper support and there is real support. Real support no be beans when you cannot work.

Gone are the days for all these moves O. There are financial demands when you move here for you talkless of a while family. Dude would have to have some kind of automatic multi-million naira business in Naija to pull this off... And even at that, they might still not allow in this Trump era.

That said, if you have this kind of business or financial situation in Naija, why even bother with US? You must already be living the dream in naija. Just fly your wife in to give birth in case Trump can't defile the 13th amendment.

Trust me if I had that kind of flow, even me sef would be in naija right now.
You actually enjoy your money in naija as opposed to here.

CoCoLav:
OP what of people who have US citizens as family members.

Whats the process of sponsorship like? My friend's boyfriend who went to the US sometime in 2015 to school there allegedly already has a green card. Is it that easy?

Ah yes.
Having a US citizen as a sibling or step-sibling makes you eligible for a green card.

Having DIRECT (sibling, parent, spouse, child) family links in general in the US makes you eligible to apply for a green.

mrvitalis:
You are to determine for an organization which data they want to use?

U have no case here... I don't want you in my debate is it by force... Organize your own na

There you go. You have shown yourself.

BlaqCoffee109:
typical Nigerian...answering a question with a question smh...deep calleth unto the deep; what do you imagine...the kinda woman...now answer the gaddem question, anyway . She might work or have a business does not equate her being sharp...getit? But if she works and have a business and she's a brainiac what's that to you? If you are not needing her money?

I don't socialize with dullards, Talk less of marrying one.
One thing I know out of experience is that...mediocrity is contagious.

Having a smart wife, who actually has experience, means I can value her councel/opinion/advise more on sensitive relevant issues... As opposed to someone who just wants to talk because she feels she has to.

If she is not building practical or professional experience on issues, then she is not relevant. This is where my lack of respect for her begins.

mrvitalis:
3rd largest party?? Lol

Ypp is far more popular in the streets, not to talk about apga, labour, sdp,.. Even upp is far more popular

Can I ask you a question? ..how many political party presented presidential candidate in the last USA elections.... ? ...how many did they invite for debate?

Did any of the others make noise?

Make sowore go sleep abeg

I'm talking from data you are talking about your street.
Many surveys have been done on that subject and AAC came in 3rd. Real decisions are based on data.

After gathering the data, then trying to decide against the data, only shows shadiness and lack of forthrightness.... As is exhibited by NEDG

id911:
BON and Sowore are definitely playing a game. They plan this all alone so that the Presidential debate won't hold so no one would accuse Buhari of not attending. I'm now 100% certain Sowore collected huge cash from APC to draw youth votes from the main opposition party, esp those youth who voted for Buhari in 2015 but are disappointed by his abysmal performance

What?
How did you come to this conclusion?
Guy how you dey reason na? Be like say Atiku don pay u garri money.

To truly follow sound logic, Sowore's party AAC (3rd largest party already) is being excluded because they fear him and they don't want to give him a platform to speak.
A presidential debate is where people can hear and basically interview presidential candidates for the job.

The best way to prevent Nigerians from identifying the best match for that job is to make sure the employers (The Nigerian people) never get to even hear the candidate (Sowore) speak on a national platform. It is the same way The government banned AIT or some news network from hosting Sowore. The cabals you people stubbornly worship till this day (check yourself spiritually why their jazz is still working on you) have always been trying to make sure they don't give him a platform to speak.

If anything, I now know that every one who showed up in that debate, no matter how good or bad they seem, is a pawn of the cabal.

Nigeria can only move forward when the people go against the wishes of the cabal.
Their fear of Sowore is making them make mistakes to expose themselves. And that is how God will continue to make them slip.
This election is not "business as usual". There is a revolution happening in Nigeria, like has happened in our neighbouring african countries. Travel out more to see what is happening!

Sowore is the strongest Candidate to be our next Nigerian president. With our help, and his presidency, we will topple the cabal.

Good. He should sue them.
He shouldn't take this standing at all.