₦airaland Forum

@callforshola

Two weeks was too short, its like you dont know the average libido of women esp after birth. You should have made it six weeks only that konji go nearly kill u before then




Seriously though, this is a common thing in marriage. The woman's libido drops drastically after the first child. This sexual desert can last a month, two months, a year or even till the end of childbirth(maybe her 40s.) and it can be a terrible experience for the man. It is around this time most men face their first real temptation of infidelity/sleeping outside/playing away match. Most women don't know what men go through mentally and psychologically when we are deprived of sex for long periods after having gotten it regularly for some time. They are not wired to do so.



Ok. First, know that what is happening with your wife is perfectly normal. Talk to her about it and let her know how you feel, in a nice polite way of course. She has to throw in extra effort to have sex with you even if she doesn't feel like it, that's sacrifice on her part. As for you, this is where you have to be patient and tone down your sexuaI drive a bit. Give her space and time. She'll soon reboot. All the baby crying, breastfeeding, late nights cos baby cant sleep, bathing baby etc has been added to her normal duties of taking care of you and the house. It ain't easy. Sex is the last thing on her mind now.
But be patient. She'll soon pick up again.



All the best.

elektra:
Thank you for outlining the benefits.
However, none of these 'benefits' will enhance a woman's life in the society we are now in. So why keep the practice alive? If a cultural practice is not contributing positively a society do they keep it alive just because it is cultural?

I guess not.

carefreewannabe:

Another annoying fly. Hahaha, I don't believe it, she actually pm'ed you guys to come n help her! Muhahahahahahahaha!!!

Shirley07:
Lol.
No doubt, I really do enjoy banters but it becomes boring when it comes down to lies to save face.
I wouldn't have even interfered if you hadn't lie. Tell me, who's attacking who? Before her last post, coco never made any spiteful words despite all your effort to irk her, I was beginning to think she was dulling. And you should know me already, no dulling moment, especially with a stüpid fellow like you.

I said shvt the fvck up you stvpid smelly b1tch. You are like an annoying fly buzzing around looking for attention. Who called you into the matter? Did cococandy pm you? Busibody eediot looking for who to orgasm over this night. You cant even compose ur tenses well, what are you, twelve?
Looking for how to enter the argument so you will be noticed.
Buzz off.

freecocoa:
Must every thread degenerate into some sort of fight? Na wa o.

5minsmadness, leave this woman alone na,haba.

Done.

Shirley07:
Huh?
You're so stupid i can't even quantify the level of your stupidity.
What's wrong with her if she says the wife should grant him divorce, afterall the husband asked for it?
Instead of you to give coco some credits for advising the woman to grant it 'only on the ground of abuse' rather it was her attacking you.
Some men with ape brain. Smh.

Shut up you stvpid smelly bltch. No one was talking to you.

cococandy:
If you didn't have the syndrome you would read all the post and digest it before going off the handle.

If you wanted to be talked to, you would desist from making unfounded accusations like deliberately over looking where I told her to consider counseling and turn around to say I'm advising her to leave a 2month old marriage.

Like are you high or something?

I wonder where that came from.
Of course the syndrome is about follow follow idiiots who don't read before commenting because someone they look up to has displayed foolishness so they think they might as well follow.

Saying there is no talking to 'you lot' when you're addressing ONLY me. One person.
shows the usual xtupidity at play.

Now are you talking to me or as usual displaying idiotic bias carried over from other threads?

People don't attack me for no reason. I find more people liking my points of view than the very FEW who are obsessed and won't stop quoting me to argue points who's answer are staring them in the face.

If you want to reason before quoting me, fine I will give you the courtesy you deserve.

But if you come at me with baggage from another place and obvious lack of comprehension, I will relegate you to the ignore list.

Lol@people liking your posts. Its the same 'you lot' that like your posts hence 'you lot' keep getting likes no matter what excrementory advice you post.

If you have problems understanding what I mean by 'you lot' then maybe you're the idiiot.


I have never crossed swords with you on any thread so I'm not the one with the baggage here. Its you attacking me from what sirshymex and crackhaus have done to you in the past.

Yeah you mentioned counseling on an off note but mentioned divorce twice in that post alone! Not to talk of other posts. Now you're harping on it like its your usual line of defence. Pfft.

This would have been a civil discussion but no, you lot don't do that do you?



What is it with you and divorce? Does it empower the woman so much?

Ewwwwww@you thinking you have a syndrome worth naming.

People call you out when you make irritating comments. The vast majority simply ignore them. Its a pity I couldn't stop myself from commenting concerning you today.

I repeat;
Ewwwwww@cococandy syndrome, you actually gave it a name? So it must occur a lot then? Wonder why.


Now i feel dirty. Ewwww. I'm going to take a bath and wash this 'syndrome shit' off me.

Guess i'll beat you to it and put you on my ignore list first.

cococandy:
Uncle 5minsmadness IF if if.

In her op she didn't say he beat her up. Had it been she did,I wouldn't type IF.
I would simply state her words back at her.
So like I said before there is a reason why IF is there.

I assume a normal human being knows what IF means . I'm assuming you're normal. Sorry if I assumed wrong.

I don't think you're a beast. Do you think so?
Well if you do.... Sorry. Work on it

2)
I didn't tell her to divorce her husband. I only said IF he's beating (which I've always maintained to be a show spoiler in any marriage) that's when she should leave.

but IF (again if) it is only adjustment problems then she should give it time and maybe consider counseling. And that it is only HER decision alone to make.
You didn't see that part?
You only saw the part that made you want to spoil for a fight.
Tell me again how I'm deciding for her what to do.

What's with people who can't read these days

Phew. Unbelievable.

Or maybe you've been struck with the cococandy syndrome too.
The syndrome that doesn't let some people stop and reason first before attacking a post because it was from coco:

If you're looking for fight against divorce advocates, from the first page to this page on this thread you will see plenty of them. Kindly start quoting them one by one and leave my moniker alone.

Just because I quoted you doesn't mean I am.looking for a fight. Jeeez, there's no talking to you lot!

Yea but in your first post, you made it sound like there was something about you that he knew and went ahead to marry you inspite of.

You didn't explain that part that's why folks jumped to their own conclusions.cant blame them.

Well if he's beating you up , you better find your way out for your health and life's sake.

If your problems are mainly adaptation issues,maybe consider counseling and give it time to see if there will be improvement.

But if he really wants to divorce,are you going to stop him? There isn't much you can do except dust yourself and move on.
You can't hold someone who wants to leave at all costs.

OP if that's the case it will clear from his eyes soon enough. But no one says you have to stick around for that. THE CHOICE IS YOURS AlONE TO MAKE

This is you again. Its definitely NOT HER CHOICE ALONE TO MAKE, she has a baby on the way and a man (who in no way has been said to be beating her unless op adds it now to sweeten the deal) living under the same roof with her!

I repeat, what is your own with divorce? Were your parents divorced? Are you divorced? Half the things you say in this forum end in divorce.

What if she's lying about what she said up there about being quiet? She said it like there was some things the man had to put up with when they were courting and all of a sudden all the things she has mentioned make her look oh so innocent. What if she's an ugly nag? Then the man should be right asking for a divorce?

Probably the op's husband found out she doesn't do anything around the house all day and is a bad cook. Probably she keeps too many male friends and her husband is fed up with it. All 'probably!'
I can't even...how can I fathom all these things if she didn't mention it at all? But its so easy for you!

What is your own with divorce divorce divorce??


You know what, never mind. This road never leads anywhere.

Maybe you should wonder why there is a cococandy syndrome , maybe you should wonder why you think people attack you for no apparent reason. I hardly quote you so I'm definitely not one of them.

cococandy:
There's a reason why I added an 'IF' before the beginning of that statement.
Meaning if (again if) per chance that is happening and she's not saying it , then She knows what to do.

And IF (again if) there problems are merely adaptation issues(I'm sure she didn't say anything about that) . I suggested again what to do IF that was the case. so I wonder why you're not asking me where she said they are having adaptation issues.

I'm very sure you know the meaning of the word IF.

Yea but in your first post, you made it sound like there was something about you that he knew and went ahead to marry you inspite of.

You didn't explain that part that's why folks jumped to their own conclusions.cant blame them.

Well if he's beating you up , you better find your way out for your health and life's sake

This was your original post. She never mentioned or suggested or alluded to the fact that, or even hinted that he was beating her up.
Where the hell do.you get this mentality that all men are beasts from?

She just told you she's been married for 2 months only and you are hammering on her to get a divorce, after all her husband asked for it first.
Is that how you solve your problems in real life? Your thought processes are mind boggling to say the least.

People keep saying you are married. Are you saying you never encounter any problems AT ALL in your marriage? Did you solve it by screaming 'divorce!' at the top of your voice? Or are you going to tell us now that you and your husband are snow white and prince charming....scratch that, even snow white and prince charming had their issues and they worked it out.


Seriously madam.

Never mind.




@Timbuktou, had to check up the meaning of solipsism. Loooool. @TV01 pls tag me in your writeup sir. Am interested.

@cococandy, where did she say he beat her up

Ewuro4:
Child circumcision , Female genital mutilation... Look I'm not here to go back and forth with you. I'm just surprised to read from a "new school", championing what should've been scrapped from our society and culture long time ago.

A child was thrown in the air( and without head support) inside a tiled floor kitchen-in the name of tradition. Thank goodness for multiple hands on deck( mom &da friend) that saved that baby from long term disability while she was vertically dropped into the tub. I respect traditions as well but common sense should prevail.

Ok.

Everyone saying barbaric...no one saying how it is different from male circumcision apart from maclatunji albeit not too satisfactorily.

I can bet none of the females on here even know what female circumcision really entails apart from the blood and gore they read in W.H.O newsletters.

Ok. Am through playing procircumcision advocate.

bigass:
Week day sex isnt possible I wake up 5 come back by 8 sometimes 9 tired from work. I am usually too tired to have sex. I wont even get turned on. I cant do oral because I feel its dirty and sin. Putting his organ in my mouth isnt not for me I can never do it and I wonder how some women do it.

CHOI!
Oga don enter one chance

bigass:
Pls what does he mean by this. He didnt explain but said he regret marrying a good girl like me.



We have sex only on weekends because of my job and I don't give oral. I am very formal when it comes to sex. I married as a virgin

So, I looked at your profile pic when I read your post. And I realised something.
























There's no way you married as a virgin with that arss!

Ewuro4:
Hmmmm

You don't support it, so why champion it?

Call a spade what it is and stop sugar coating barbaric practice. #justsaying

Why is it barbaric?

cococandy:
may God forgive you

For doing what? Jeez, you asked what they used in cutting the clit and I explained. I didn't say I do it did I?
Isn't it the same razor and knife that is used in cutting off the foreskin of a newborn baby boy, causing bleeding all over the place and severe pains for nights on end??

Anyway, lemme say amen first.

cococandy:
Marking the cclitoris with what?
Razor?
Knife?
How?

A razor or knife is used to put a mark or two on the clit. Just the same way they gave tribal marks those days. Only smaller.

Rosarie:
my dear ur preg has nothing to do in d issue.infact wen u bth feel like nothin to discuss d baby somehw brings a talk.i took in ma weddin nite n went tru all u re sayin.marriage is patience.n above all prayers cos trust me satan is api wen couples quarrel or fight cos den u bth re vulnerable.ma dear hold GOD NOW dan ever.wen u feel tired tink of ur baby.due to so so quarrel i almost had ma bby tru operation cos i was always tinking n ma huby was alwys depressed.u both find it hard to agree on one thing.so now cast yr burden at GODS feet n jst tink of d bundle of joy.forgive n keep prayin dat where GOD needs to work on ur both characters he should.forget d divorce na mouth ur hubby dey.i n ma hubby said worse dan dose back then.i ve friends who also experienced same.we all look back n laugh.i showed ma hubby ur post n he said tell her we ve been dre n made it tru n same will b for her.but hold GOD in dat six years u had not been joined so d bth parties re been careful.plsssss dnt tell ur issues to friends if u want to njoy ur home.wen dat baby comes dts d sec u c first changes but like i said one party has to come down for d other no matter d hurts dat does not mean doing it to stipudity level.jst try n avoid some issues then wen d other party is calm evn if it takes weeks politely talk tins tru n as a woman b patient in d walk of marriage n life

Lots of good advice on this thread so far but this is the one that touched me most.

Op if your story is real then listen to this advice.

Ohwhy:
I just got married recently, not up to two months and its not anything like I imagined. We dated for almost 6yrs before we decided to tie the knot.The man I met and fell in love with was everything I ever wanted in a man. He was caring, selfless, a good listener, very understanding.

Are you caring? Selfless? A good listener? Very understanding?

The man i am now married to is nothing close to the man I dated. This one thinks of himself mostly, he calls me names, hurtful names, names that I find hard to forget even till today. I seem to be talking to myself whenever am talking to him. He raises his voice like he's talking to a kid. It shocks me because he knew my character and my personality before he asked me to marry him yet he did. And now he says these things like they just erupted suddenly.

Sounds like you have a bad character/personality for you to make this statement. Well, marriage and boyfriend-girlfriend are not the same. Since you already know what you are doing wrong then try and change it.

You can imagine your own husband keep mentioning divorce when we are barely 2mnths married. I am not a fan of divorce even if we haven't done our church wedding yet. I am pregnant which makes divorce out of the question for me. But this doesn't seem to bother my husband one bit, he seems to have thought everything out perfectly to his own benefit. Am not happy at all. I don't know how much of this I can take. I wanna do what is best for my baby. This sucks bigtime. What to do? Nairalanders pls help!

How does being pregnant make divorce out of the question for you? You seem to be trying to paint yourself a victim here.

He dated you for 6yrs and went through the trouble of marrying you then all of a sudden he is a monster that has been planning everything perfectly for his own benefit? So much so that after 2months of marriage he can no longer stand you? He suddenly stopped loving you for no reason at all??













In fact I don't believe this your story. I smell a troll.

freecocoa:
I'm following the post, you support FGM obviously,hence my question.

No I don't support FGM. I do think it wouldn't have been all bad if female circumcision had been retained for cultural/historical significance. I use 'had' because it has all but been eradicated.

I don't think FGM and female circumcision are the same thing.


Don't mind me, just trying to bring an alternate view to the thing.

freecocoa:
Please what century are you living in?

Someone asked a question. I answered. Follow the posts.

Etoshil18:
Seriously, im overwhelmed with wht im reading hia..the even days are near..

don't be deceived. What you are reading is a thread of frustration. Marriage is beautiful when properly entered. It is when u enter with fight u will remain with the fight.

italo:
Tobechi20, what we should be working towards is good stable marriages.

It is God's plan for continuing the human race.

So it is beneficial to the society at large. It is good for the upbringing of good children. It is good for the wellbeing of the spouses too.

The approach you have taken is one aimed at watering down the inestimable importance of marriage.

That is the work of the devil. That's why he and his agents are trying to force the rest of us to accept gay unions as marriage, legalize and promote abortion, pornographyy, casual premarital sex etc. The devil knows that all these will weaken the institution of marriage. And when marriage is weakened, society will fall apart. Humanity will be destroyed.

Women were more loved and respected when society took marriage more importantly. Since society started promoting all those vices above, women have been terribly disrespected. Sometimes they're even treated like animals whose worth are only in servicing the pleasures of men.

If you doubt look at our music videos. You see women shaking their bum bums and guys pouring champagne all over them and slapping them.

I dont even want to talk about the humiliating dehumanization of women in pornography.

No woman or man was designed to raise children alone. 95% of those single mothers and divorcees will still be preyed upon and used as guinea pigs to satisfy the sexual urges of other people's husbands. Husbands who will fight tooth and nail to safeguard the unity of their own proper families.

Do you know that it is scientifically proven that a woman carries the DNA of any man she has unprotected sex with for the rest of her life?

Think about the mental and spiritual consequences of this.

*I strongly condemn violence and unjust manipulation from men and women alike.

What I advocate is good, loving, stable and holy marriages for men and women.

1000000likes!

elektra:
5minsmadness

Please educate me on the benefits of FGM. What is its cultural significance? Why should it be kept alive?

I've mentioned them before. Let me say the ones I know.

1. Welcomes the child into womanhood. Same for guys.

2. Gives her respect as a woman in her society.

3. She is allowed to speak in matters affecting the community she is in.

4. Some women says it beautifies the female genitals.

5. She is allowed a woman's share of inheritance in her family. If not circumcised she will still be given a share but as a girl and not a grown woman

6. She is married off with respect and the full support and backing of her kinspeople.they will always look out for her in the marriage.


Cultural wise, it was a part of a people's identity and maybe shouldn't have been swept underfoot just like that. They should have made it better, safer, less traumatizing, and more humane for those who practice it.

red101:
what a repulsive act.
www.planusa.org/docs/ListeningtoAfricanVoices.pdf

Which year was this article written?

Do you see where the woman they were interviewing said "it is done to every woman"? And the man(of nigerian origin o) saying he had never slept with an uncircumcised female? Haba naaaa. So all you ladies on this thread are circumcised?

soulglo:
For me, it's simple. A'int nobody touching my baby. I don't care if you had 12 babies of your own and pulled them all out of your body with your very own hands all by yourself in the jungle while single handedly hunting a water buffalo and cooking food for your family of 15. Makes absolutely no difference to me. If I even detect a hint of any of this archaic tendencies it is over.

red101:
this is the dumbest post I've seen on NL so far this year. first of all, why do you assume that opposition to FGM is a western thing? All progressive ideas must be western in your eyes abi?
second of all, do you even understand the horrible cultural significance of FGM?
FGM is an existing reality in many parts of Africa. It is still being practiced today in many different forms.

First of all, yes it is a western thing. Our womenfolk(not even the men),fought against the abolishing of female circumcision for a long time and even till now most ardent supporters(thank you efe ) are women. So don't tell me anything like the women were supressed or against it or stuff like that. The practice died down following aggressive western public awareness programs against the act.

No, not all western ideas are progressive. I assure you of that.

"horrible cultural significance of FGM" smh, whose culture?? Definitely not your culture if you are African. Of course if you say 'horrible societal significance and implications' especially in this our modern era, then I'm likely to agree with you.

I agree with your last paragraph. So why not educate such stubborn followers of the practice on how to practice healthier and medically safer methods of female circumcision. The promise of free education on the matter will bring them out of their hiding places and will reduce the amount of complications that follow the genital mutilation they practice.

cococandy:
@bolded doesn't sit well with me. Pls explain (in very simple English ) before I reply. I don't want to misunderstand you.

There are different types of female circumcision:

1. Marking the vlitoris.
2. Cutting off the clit.
3. Cutting the labia minor
4. Cutting the labia major
5. Cutting the vag1nal wall itself.

My take: For those who practice it, why not encourage them to do no. 1, teaching them to do it in a medically safe and healthy manner, and abandon the others. This will stop any hidden form of FGM and prevent the pains and complications that arise from those who secretly do it.

They did the same with traditional birth attendants. When they saw people still patronized them despite the dangers involved, they changed strategy and started to educate the birth attendants on hygiene, better and safer practices. This reduced the number of women who died from childbirth in the rural areas.

Why not do same for female circumcision?

EfemenaXY:
An ardent supporter of FGM.

Tell you what: why don't you improve upon the act while maintaining it's cultural significance by applying this to your daughters when you eventually have them, and extend the practice to your wife when you get married?

Your disclaimers at thr end of your posts are at best - pathetic.

@bolded, here we go. Unecessary words okome. No need getting emotional. Lol@ardent supporter, I actually intend to start a rally soon, maybe even form an awareness NGO! Our banner be like...bring back FGM, our women need to be cut!

Seriously though, what would be wrong in putting two marks each on my daughter's vlitoris if it is completely safe, the vlitorisis not cut off, just marked. They still enjoy a fulfilling sexuaI life and they get the cultural recognition and accolades. Win-win.

maclatunji:
Okay o, but there is no pain during childhood? Let us leave pain during sex to the individuals involved to decide.

This your submission is beyond belief.

Depending on the type of circumcision, the 'pain during childhood' lasts as long as it takes for the wound to heal. It is a wound and it will heal.
Pain during sex? No pain, worse case scenario there is no feeling at all. That's where the problem is. It's not as if the pain os perpetually there throughout their life.

The pain comes during childbirth for badly circumcised females. Scarification from the circumcision prevents the vag1na from expanding as it should and the woman can tear badly and bleed to death.

maclatunji:
The reason why there is so much opposition to female circumcision is that those who undergo it, tend to live with a lot of pain from childhood to during sex to childbirth.

The pains are just not worth whatever benefits you may want to sell. For men, the advantages are greater, uncircumcised men are runaway vectors of HIV when compared to circumcised men and so on.

Awww, that's not true. No pain in childhood or sex. The only pain comes during childbirth and even then it is in cases of extreme circumcision where the entire vlitoris and labia minor are cut.

There are different types of female circumcision two of which involves marking the vlitoris only, not even cutting it off. I think the female circumcision thing got a really bad rap from the Europeans who saw it as completely barbaric and because we were under the hypnosis of "everything western must be good and everything culture bad" we did away with it as the good children we were instead of improving on it and removing the bad part(massive mutilation) while retaining the cultural significance.


This is just a rethorical discussion by the way, not as if am clamouring for female circumcision to make a comeback. Its been nice discussing with you.

maclatunji:
I actually doubt removing part of a woman's Instruments would reduce her libido unless it is a hatchet job that effectively damaged her. Before a man can get there, she must have already consented unless he is raping her.

As for men, who measures it (sexual pleasure in circumcised and uncircumcised men)? The foreskin habours microbes that make men more susceptible to infection. Besides, the foreskin is more of an impediment than an asset.

As for social beliefs attached to female circumcision, it would be changed once people decide they don't need it.

And here's my question in your last paragraph: Why change it? Because oyinbo said it is wrong? What about the cultural and social values I mentioned?

Anything that isn't properly washed is going to harbour microbes. Its just as easy to lift up the foreskin and wash it as you would your armpits.

There were other reasons for the female circumcision. I mentioned reduced libido just to acknowledge it; I'm not in support of it though I could argue it's benefits.

What I'm saying is, why ban it outrightly? Why not improve on it? If it causes medical harm why not educate and increase the skill of the female circumciser?