₦airaland Forum

Mindfulness:

Why u dey laugh

Why are do Roman Catholic and arab trained kids outperforms outperform their peers in school?

OR

Why are Roman Catholic and arab trained kids outperforms outperforming their peers in school?

Like someone has said. It's called Post traumatic Stress Disorder. Her brain relives the horrifying event from time to time and it causes her to pass out. Yes, she will benefit from a psychiatrist or therapist (whichever you are more comfortable with.

However the forgetfulness tends to stay for a long while.
Thank God she has finished her studies.

Think twice before you leave live in the same compound with your Landlord/landlady.

Ehen and finally before i run for cover

The reason you sammy are uncomfortable with the story is because as time went on you realised the girl was left alone with the man and he had just described a very awkward situation (their upper lips touching). You can see he was instantly horrified by the idea and took steps to alleviate the situation. The memory disgusted him so much that he was inspired to write about it and warn others against playing with children too roughly so they dont find themselves in awkward situations like he did.
Q. E. D.

Madam coco i hail. Motherhood has improved your understanding/interpretation skills


**picks race outta thread***

Ishilove:
I don't quite understand why the op is being attacked. I have read his narration and I perfectly get his point. We're living in very perverse times and pedophilia is at an all time rise. No day passes without us being inundated with sickening stories of molestation, so what op is preaching is in order not to be accused of unclean actions, be mindful how you play with little children. What you think is innocent play may be misconstrued because of the era we live in.

I really don't understand why folks left the message and attacked the messenger. Jeez

Our minds have been polluted by the kind of society, to the extent that we have become paranoid. The reactions I'm seeing here clearly underlines the theme of the thread. One wrong move and you're labeled a pedo, so be very careful how you play with kids, especially females. Kids too should be taught boundaries and made to recognise inappropriate attentions

Na thier specialty be dat.
They take simple innocuous messages and turn them upside down on thier head so they can have a bashing spree.
They analyse and analyse innocent stories trying thier best to see the devil in the details so they can feast on thier self righteousness.

It is very annoying because this here was a very important message (i.e be careful with the way you play with kids, set boundries, etc) but now the thread is going to fall flat on its face cos of a priviledged few.

Anyway. Na free forum. None of my bidness

Trolls everywhere.

Discoprophet. Your message has been passed. Those with 'more perverted minds than yours' are the ones having problems with it.

Feminism.
Because women were once opressed.
Unfortunately it has been pushed to the extreme
And is now a subject of distress.
Eve wanted to be free like Adam.
And then Eve wanted to be Adam.
Now Eve is ashamed of being Eve.
And shames all who refuse to be Adam.

Feminism.
The worship of Manliness
Through women shaming Womanliness.

Why should i be 'treated like a woman'?
Why should i be the one to care for the kids?
Why cant i wear trousers like men?
Wearing skirts is now a thing of shame.

I can be just as bad as the man
I will show him who is boss.
I can think like a man.
A woman's way is a huge loss.

Keeping the home is for weak women
Real women pursue their careers.
And the kids can be catered to by nannies.
Who are women or maybe lesser women?

Men and women are both equal heads in marriage.
We both wear the pants in the family.
And yet you have a boss at work.
A man you respect and obey more than your man at home.

Feminism.
Because men and women are equal.
Yet women are spelt w-o-m-e-n
And men are spelt M-e-n.

shadeyinka:
In Nigeria, one hardly see a married man following his wife for antenatal examinations at the hospital.

Would it be OK if men are compelled to be by their wives during childbirth?

Wouldn't this make the men appreciate their wives more?

What's your reaction to this?

No it wont be ok.

Most men who "want to be romantic" and insist on staying almost always end up freaking out and constitute a nuisance and can even bring confusion to the whole process.

We had a program once where we organised antenatal visits involving the men coming with thier wives. After two visits a general consensus was passed by the women to leave the men at home.

I've told the story here before of thr guy who insisted on watching the birth of his first child. That he had prepared himself, watched videos, blah blah. When the head of the baby popped out, he fainted right there in the labour room. So we now had to deal with 2 patients instead of one.

eyinjuege:
Ahhhh.....

Just like that?

Girls dey quick provoke


Op hope u know guys are checking out your wife as well. Or do you want her to prove it to you?

bukatyne:
Change from what to what?

When I post another tread on what men should do, I become the normal bukatyne abi?

Who doesn't want to eat his cake and have it back

I have not changed, I am still the same bukatyne

I waa actually interested in the original topic, didnt know u guys had veered off to something else.

Make i go back to observing from the sidelines

bennyrazz:
is it really bukatyne that typed posted all this? so people do change afterall

Lol, honestly the same thought went through my mind

bukatyne:
What's nice?

The OP?

Yes.

bukatyne:
So peeps, what do we say?

Nice.

ahnie:
I knew that prior to the thud...i was hearing Nepa!nepa!!nepa!! Continuously!

Thought I was dreaming,zino went to the passage and vented her up nepa chants on the shoe rack.

Maybe she got attracted to the container of clips (peg)that I kept there.

Mr ahlez woke up also saw the Zino's handwork,parted her on her head and went back to bed!

Na only me pack the shoes.

Lmao

Now to answer your question.

Marriage is the closest you will get to a blood oath without actually shedding any blood. It is a very serious institution, not something to get into lightly at all. Every saturday thousands of men and women getting married chant out that the only thing that will seperate them from each other is DEATH. Does that sound like a joke to you? That is a very serious commitment. It is NOT a commitment that shoild be broken by trivial issues. It is not a commitment that should be broken by grevious issues. It is a commitment that should be broken only by death! Or isnt that what the sweet lovebirds proclaim on thier wedding day? To love each other, no matter what, until death does them apart? Why in all sincerity would you take such an awesome oath with the wrong person ? Why make such a promise with someone whose background you do not know apart from he is wealthy, or whose family you have no history of because she is good in bed?


You are entering the marriage with the belief that no matter what you find, your love for that person will see you through. Now if you know you do not have that kind of love ab initio, DO NOT MARRY THE PERSON.



A man should be able to forgive his adulterous wife. He should be able to forgive her a minimum of 77 times 7 times. Abi is that not what we profess as christians? Or we are pagans now? At the very least if he is afraid of std's he can seperate from her and then help her to curb her philandering habit, either through counselling or family meetings or whatnot. Tough meat to chew for men, but there u have it. If your wife can forgive your womanising, you should be big enough to forgive her as well.


A woman should forgive her man if he hits her. It is not true at all the saying that once a man hits a woman he is addicted to hitting her for life. That is total rubbish. Find the reason for his violence and help him curb it. That is your love being tested! You cant balk and cry and shout 'betrayal!' the first time he hits you. Seek counselling for him. Find help. Let your love for him shine through. Love is NOTHING if it only shines during the good times.



Finally, in cases where one's life is at stake e.g the man or woman has threathened to kill you or has attemptedto do so either physicallyor otherwise, then there is nothing to be gained in staying in the same environment with such a person at that point in time. I would advocate for seperation so you can remove yourself to a saner, safer enviroment for the time being whike you try and sort things out.

Brb.

Pidggin:
100 likes for this post. It's better to have both parents especially if they are responsible individuals. It's quite self-fish for anyone to separate or divorce over issues that can be termed trivial. I don't think any sane person will support this

Although I think there should be a few cases of exceptions regarding separation (I am not in support of divorce). In the case of wife battery, incest or persistent adultery, both partners are better apart. I hope you are not supporting they remain together even at the risk of possible death?

The question is does separation or even divorce validate a parent abandoning his/her kid(s)?

My take

First things first.
Whoever intends on getting married owe it to themselves and to thier children to pick the right partner. Its an awesome responsibility and not one to be taken lightly at all. If you as a man or woman choose the right person to spend the rest of your life with, then most of the problems we see in marriage will not exist.


In our current generation, men and women tend to marry for the wrongest reasons. Men marry a woman becausr she is pretty and sexy (both of which will fade after afew years if not months into the marriage), and women marry men for material gains, not bothering if thr man is a wife-beater or alcoholic or irresponsible or a womaniser.

And then when the consquences begin to surface they blame everyone and everything but themselves. You marry an irresponsible okada rider and when he later abandons you and the kids you blame the okada-rider, why marry such a person in the first place. You marry a woman you met at a nightclub cos she gives you anal and all the best sex styles and you defend it by saying even church girls do worse, then when she starts to sleep around and refuses (or doesnt know how to cook), you come to nairaland to complain, why did you marry such a person in the first place?


What many people do not realise during courtship is that the person you want to marry is going to be the mother of your kids. Or the father of your children. Can you set aside the blinding prejudice of sexual prowess and financial wealth for a moment, and imagine if you really want to raise children with such an individual? If no, then you have a duty to your unborn children to quit such a relationship before it reaches marriage level.


Recently, Pastor Adeboye set out a simple list of things to look out for in a marriage partner and majority of our very wise youths laughed and made a mockery of him. They made a mockery of a man whose marriage has spanned decades. I'm sure he too was laughing quietly to himself in his closet. A popular adage says what the elder sees sitting down, the <small-minded> youth cannot see even if they climb a coconut tree. The youths of this generation keep thinking they know better than the elders, and because they fail to follow wisdom, marriages will continue to crumble.

addiction12:
thanks to everyone for your contributions, I really appreciate all ur advise and encouragement. today after we d morning devotion, I asked him why he didn't tell me that he watched porn and he wanted to walk away but I persuaded him to sit back. I told him I was d one who invited him to Abuja and it was me he had been chatting with all this while, he looked at at me and say You! and I said yes. hum! he apologized and told me to collect his phone and I should give him another mobile phone that does not support internet browsing. I ask him y and he told me he can do away with any immoral chats or porn as long as he doesn't surf the net. he asked me to go on a vacation with him for few weeks so as to work on him. he told me he is ready to change if am ready to help him, from there I realized my husband has being trying so hard to fight his addiction because I remember he once deactivated his Facebook account and gave his phone to his younger sister. I also apologized for hiding my identity from him and I really cried this morning and also happy. we are both taking a leave and going on vacation by the end of the month. once again I say thank you all for your support.

You are blessed.

Work on him. Make him stronger.

One day, it will be his turn to do the same for you.

Mindfulness:
Like Andromida said, don't be so dramatic.

But since you have become so dramatic, we can deduce that you wouldn't take half of the sh.it her husband is putting her through, would you?

It's easy to tell people to endure when one is not the one who suffers, right?

Do NOT presume to know anything about me. You do not what i have suffered or endured. I dont tell people things i wouldnt do myself.

You know nothing about self sacrifice or finding joy in making others happy. Its anathema to you. If it makes you happy to live selfishly, good for you.

I on the other hand derive joy from making others happy and seeing them fulfilled. Thier happiness is my happiness.

The problem with your mantra of self-love is that at the end of the day you wind up lonely with no real friends, no buddies, no one who would stand up for you in a pinch or when you are down or when you need help or understanding. Because beleive me, a time like that must come. A time will come when you are a total mess and you need someone to help you, even if you cant see it yourself.

I was initially drawn by your gospel before and actually practised it for a while. But the truth is that it leaves an empty hole in your heart. Yoh would acknowledge this if you were honest, but you have a nairaland persona to maintain so i dont expect you to.



Marriage WILL have its ups and downs. There will be times when as a man you will want to leave everything and abandon your wife, there are times you will feel so angry and frustrated and betrayed and miserable that you will want to call it quits. But you see, that is where love comes in. True love and not love because he buys you gifts or does anything you ask or brings you breakfast in bed. Love that surpasses all that because it has roots deeper than a mushroom's. Loves that insists on saving/helping your partner even when you know they dont want it or deserve it. Because your happiness is tied with thiers. Because no matter how far away your run from them, you can never be happy if you think they are suffering. Because they are tied to you soulmate style and their joy is your joy.


If you dont feel that kind of love above then for the love of God (or whatever you worship) dont get married. Because the vibes of your self love will definitely be felt by your partner and believe me, he or she will drift further from you to someone who is willing to share with them. That's human nature. To be loved by someone else other than yourself and vice-versa.



I'm off to work.

Pidggin:
Saw a teenage girl in agony, she was holding unto a bike-man and weeping bitterly. I thought it was the usual rude Okada-man and passenger strife so my friend and I ignored them

The girl seemed determined to create a scene as she shouted and wept bitterly. Because of the number of people that had started gathering around them, we had some time on our hands so we decided to move closer to get a better view

"What could this clean pretty looking teenager who was speaking impeccable English be doing with the scruffily dressed Okada man who couldn't explain himself for his lack of communication skills? " predictably, most onlookers must have been wondering about this too

Behold, we kept hearing "Daddy why, why did you abandon us, you don't know anything about us, you don't know our ages, you don't know my birthday, you were never there for me, daddy why?" she wept bitterly

"Is it my fault that you don't care about my mum, daddy why don't you care about us, why sir? " she asked in tears

Her sister soon joined in trying to restrain her because she wouldn't let her father go "Leave him let's go" it seemed like she was trying hard not to cry herself "You have finished secondary school we don't need him any more" she was saying to her sister. That was when we decided it was time to go(as we now knew what the commotion was all about)

Hmm, the emotional pain in that girl's heart cannot be put into words effectively. Obviously, she has been storing years of sadness before now, she couldn't contain it any longer so she must have planned to confront him without their mother's knowledge

If you are one of those who think you can abandon your kids because of your failed marriage or relationship, think again. Your kids need you in their lives regardless of what is going on between you and their mother

That girl is definitely scared for life now unless a miracle happens some how. The man didn't even care, all he wanted to do was leave the place as soon as he could and as we left there, I kept hearing her ask him "Daddy why?

True story.

Really?

I was taught on this forum that single parents raise children who are just as well-adjusted as children from a complete family. Hence you can divorce your partner at the drop of a hat, after-all its your happiness as a person that is important, damn what your children or anyone else thinks.
Maybe the girl was pretending to cry?




We come online and spew all kinds of rubbish and state foolish statistics when in truth we know what really happens in the world. Children need both thier parents to have a fulfilled life, take it or leave it. You are not fit to be a parent if you leave your marriage at the smallest inclination. This goes for both men and women. Your happiness as a parent is not paramount, you have a responsibility to your children, you are not a child in a candy store selfishly taking whatever sweet catches your fancy because "it is your life". Putting yourself first in life is selfish and foolish and immature and if everyone around you acted the same way, being selfish, the world would be a colder darker place.


Love is not meant to be kept to oneself. Love is meant to be shared. If you cannot forgive your partner, the one you married with pomp and pageantry, the one you claim to love with your whole heart, if you cannot forgive that one when he or she greviously sins against you, if you would rather destroy everything both of you have built by walking away, then your love has no value. Your declared love is useless and worthless. You are all mouth and no action.


It would have been better if you were never a parent.

freecocoa:
But how can someone's husband be addicted to porn?

A sexually starved man will ALWAYS find an outlet.

addiction12:
tnx but that is not d solution am asking for. I still appreciate your concern

A solution was given to you.


Face the problem head on instead of ignoring it or running away from it. Thats the mature thing to do. I believe u are a grown woman. In marriages a lot of obstacles come up, obstacles by far greater than this one, emotional, mental, physical and financial. Marriage is not a fairy tale, it is hard work, scarifice and dedication. You chose to live with this man for the rest of your lives. In this long journey, you will definitely come across flaws and weaknesses. Today its him, tomorrow it could be you. Today its emotional, tomorrow it could be financial. You dont just throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble. If you do then your love is worthless and superficial. Some of the people advicing you gave up at the first sign of trouble and they are divorced today and looking for who to be miserable with. Others advicing you are having far worse problems than you are and are enduring it but they come online to nairaland to vent their frustrations. Yet others are single girls whose idea of love comes from watching telemundo fantasies and reading mills and boon.


You married this man. If you feel he isnt worth the trouble of fighting for him, then i wonder why you married him in the first place.


Apologies. I have stuff to do. I'm out.

andromida:
Now you are just being dramatic. No one is suggesting divorce just how to care for her self in this situation not keep focusing on the problem.

No i'm not being dramatic.

Why should she continue living on with someone that treats her like sh!t, someone that does not respect her or give her happiness or has never listened to what she says? Someone who is already pursuing his own happiness and making her miserable? He must be a terrible husband and she is doomed if she spends the rest of her life with him.

Two wrongs don't make a right. If she is not ready to forgive and seek a solution, if she would rather separate herself more from him, treat him formally and coldly with no love, thdn she will over time create a more toxic environment. Why cohabit in such a miserable existence?

She should divorce him.

Mindfulness:
Caring about yourself, your sanity and happiness is wrong?
Licking your husband's azz who treats you like a piece of sh.it is right, isn't it?

Sick!

andromida:
The man is already pursuing his own happiness on net and possibly with any woman who invites him to Abuja. The woman said she has talked to him before and he does not listen to her. Why should she continue to suffer over a problem she has no power to change when the man with the power to control himself refuses to acknowledge there is a problem?

Apologies ladies.


@addiction12, you married a monster. Divorce him asap.

elektra:
OP said he is accepting applications from individual that are "Isoko, Urhobo, Yoruba and Ibo (except Imo)".

I think he meant Imo the state in that sentence.

Berbierklaus:
We understand grandpa,old age has taken away your sight , its a miracle can still see enough to comment on nairaland

Aaaargh! Didnt see it earlier. My bad.

jashar:
[size=2pt]dank je wel[/size]

[size=5pt]My sister ik was verrast[/size]

The ignorance on this thread is extremely worrisome.


I hope at least someone here is aware that when op wrote IMO that he meant IMO chat? As in whatsapp/IMO chat only, and not Imo state?





[size=5pt]And these are our nigerian youths/leaders of tomorrow[/size]

addiction12:
he wont just listen. maybe because he doesn't respect my view. that is who my husband his, he believes he knows it all and nothing I say makes sense to him.

Have u done it to know he wont listen? Have u caught him with girls before and talked to him and he didn't listen?

You have already defeated yourself by your assumptions.

addiction12:
thank you and I appreciate your advise, u seems to really understand my situation. I never expected my husband to be like this. I just have to let him be and focus on my life, am even finding It difficult to concentrate at work.

And you prefered this advice.

To ignore the problem and become selfish and pursue your own happiness and do things without him thereby increasing the rift between you.

He did wrong so you must do wrong as well.

I wish you luck.

tearoses:
I get some of what the OP is saying, in that the woman does have a lot of power in how the relationship turns out, however what she failed to state is that the woman needed to have married right in the first instance.

No amount of submission will change a man who has no idea of what sacrifice it takes to be the head of the home and the service involved in that leadership position and it is much easier to submit to man who is a good leader himself.
In these cases is almost effortless to submit to a man like this.

Both men and women have different roles in the partnership and if one is lacking then the relationship suffers setback regardless of the effort put in by the other person.

The Bible talked about submission, it however also talked about other things such as Love, wisdom, Prayer, loving your neighbour, adultery, about hardwork, fellowship, guarding ones tongue and a lot of other things
If both parties followed Gods word in its totality, then the marriage will be peaceful.

That's what the op said the beginning. Women following godly principles should marry godly men. Anything outside that they shoukd take it as they see it. Marry responsibly is the bottom line.

Anas09:
If you take time to read the Op you'd realize that the man doesn't make you do anything. Besides, you, the woman who dates and marries a mediocre should be blamed not the man.

Like attracts like. Before you settle to take his ring, find out if he can lead you, cover you, protect you, and provide for you. Most women today Marry the ring instead of the man. They marry his ring, manage to borrow his sperms to make a legitimate child, then back out of the relationship. They remain in the house but not in marriage.

A Wise women doesn't go into marriage because all her friends are getting married, not because she is growing old, not because she needs a man to support her financially. A wise woman marries because she is ready. Ready to give up what she can not keep to gain what ahe can not lose.

Dont marry for others, marry for youraelf.

Awesome.
1000likes

addiction12:
he is the type that will never ask for sex unless I make a move. as am typing this tear is rolling down my chicks because he still send very indecent message online. what else can I do cos have cried my eye out in silence.

Why haven't u told him about your discoveries? Why are u punishing yourself? Are u afraid of confronting him with what you have found.

Pls stop this crying in silence thing, talk to him about it this evening when u r both relaxed and free. Keeping it to fester in your heart is not good for you. Remember you said he is a calm devoted husband who loves you. So if you had never found out about this you wouldn't have been this miserable. Nothing has changed, you have simply discovered what many other married women will discover in marriage, that sex is a very big deal to men and they will find an outlet for it sooner or later.


Tell him about your discovery in a calm manner. Show him proof of the girls (i hope u have the proof with you), then ask him why he doesnt express himself like that with you. Most respectable husbands don't express thier sexual selves to thier wives for fear of being laughed at or insulted. Other men have the wrong notion ingrained in them that sex is a dirty thing and feel it will be disrespectful performing thier sexual desires on thier wife.


Sha talk about it in a calm, serene, non-judgemental environment. See how it goes.