₦airaland Forum

As in, this is superb! The wonders of photoshop!

Have u never broken bad news before?
He's in shock. Leave him be.

Cc

SisterCaro:
The fact that they had been together since childhood proves that her ideologies are not what makes her a good wife but rather her character.

Agreed

Women can be such beasts!

I would have a problem with it because I was raised the old fashioned "chauvanisitc" way. I believe women are to be pampered and protected,nurtured and loved. I beleive a woman should be my help-mate, my assisitant, the person by my side to give me encouragement as I conquer the world. I beleive the woman should compliment me. I am undoubtdly King while she is Queen.

THIS OP SOUNDS VERY FAMILIAR...

op there's this miracle of the white man called PAINKILLERS...

SAMBARRY:
5minsmadness like seriously

Is that you?

Onegai:
You have restored my faith in Christians. Thank you for this. Thank you so much.

This is awesome. A thread in Family section that is sane. We need to keep a lot of people out more often

Submission got abused, which is why women struggle with it. I naturally respect some people because of what they are, not because they're male or older.

This is because the people that go about INITIATING trouble are already here. The more civil people are the ones who respected the op and kept out. Else this thread would have been derailed long ago.

Chidoks:
cocacandy, the thing is this.when you go all out to sincerely respect a man, he grows soft towards you.he tends to listen to you because you respect him.
Every man that is worth it sees himself as the boss, the captain of the ship called marriage.he had his ego.all you berd do is to massage his ego by respecting him.not necessarily being a fool but meekness that would reach out to his soul and soften the hardest part of him.once you get to that point, that man would have the urge to give back.
Now the only way he can give back is not to respect you.no.it's by seeking to please you.he shows it by doing things that will make you happy.he will do things he wouldn't have naturally done just to please you; things you may or not have asked for.
at this point if you stop he stops but if you continue you lead him on and this man will provide, protect, abd defend you with all he's got.
On the other hand if you show him that you are equal, competition starts.he will be compelled to maintain his top position which manufests in wickedness, rejecttion, and beating

Wow.
If I wasn't already hitched, u'd be the first Lady on this forum that I'd pm.

So why doesnt he just leave her?

Because it easnt easy to leave someone in which you have invested your time and personal life.

You get married to an individual with the hope that the manners and personality they portrayed during courtship will continue and even improve during the course of marriage proper but it isnt always so. In fact the act of marriage makes your partner relax on certain issues and you see the person raw for who s/he really is. No more pretence,no more illusory acts of kindness, no more frequent facial make-up or smart dressing before coming to see you. You realise that what youmarried was hiding under the surface of a shiny attractive object. The real person cannot be trusted with certain responsibilities or knowledge. The real person doesnt share your dreams or aspirations.

YEt you still can't leave because

1. There is the hope that one day maybe the person you once loved will swim to the surface again. and hope is a very powerful binding force.
2. There are other people that will suffer if you leave e.g the kids. And you dont let the ones you love suffer. You'd rather give your life for them.
3. Society would see you as a failure. And yes, society is important. you live in it. You want to be accepted by it.
4. You wont be happy with yourself. Even with all the media hype praising single parenthood and divorced individuals for thier bravery and to celebrate thier "new found freedom", the truth is that we all just want to be loved and appreciated by a companion. No one truly wants to be alone.
5. You cant imagine losing all the time and effort you put into this relationship, this marriage,just getting lost, wasted just like that. ITs like losing a huge sum of money. Its devastating. Hoe do you start all over again? How are you sure the next person will be better?

So whats the solution?
I dunno. Keep at it I guess. Realise everything can't be perfect. Do your best to improve on yourself, build up your own innner strength. Make yourself as self-sufficient as you possibly can. Be the factor in your life that makes you happy. No one else should be responsible for your happiness but you. Try and ignore those things s/he does that hurts you, get away from the environment when it starts. Focus on the ones you love(your kids) and make them happy,give them the best you can, shower them with your love, wish the best for them and pray for them. cos you are doing this for them too.

And keep hope alive. Who knows, your transformation and self sufficiency and inner joy might just be what is needed to bring your partner to see you and in turn him/herself in a new light and want to improve on themselves as well.

frmglorytoglory:
Op you come across as very sharp and someone with a spiritual gift of discernment. I sure hope you know the Lord.
It will be great if you could just change this your moniker.


PS I read where you mentioned that you are not the writer of the article. But I still say it you are very very sharp. I read your other article on signs of the end time in the religion section and I was blown away .

Thanks.
I'm a very busy and serious person and I coined this moniker in my nairaland early days when I thot nairaland was a place where I could come and cool off and relax my nerves.
Apparently I was wrong

zebronice:
Before marriage there is always love-lust which eventually drive to marriage after marriage the love-lust reduces to either love or indifference. If you are the type your husband use to complain about certain things for over three times and you did not give your attention to it nor consider it . Then you will not get love after marriage but indifference from a nice man but if not nice you get hatred. What you need to do is to pay attention to all your husband donts . Don't do what he doesn't like or have been complaining over and over do want he likes then the love would come from no where to your surprise and you begin to enjoy your husband

This is one of the best advice on this forum. Girls take note of this especially if you know you married or are dating a "quiet" man. You may not know it but this is a major reason why guys start to hate on thier girlfriends/wives an the wife will be wondering what she did. He tells you he doesn't like something but you do it. He tells u again specifically but u still continue. Eventually he keeps quiet but u don't know it is boiling in his heart and can eventually lead to malice.

Very good advice.

I didn't put this together, but I really love the piece.

Afternoon friends, here i think is a great piece that does a great deal of justice to the current moral quagmire our world has gotten herself into..,get blessed by it.

The Six stages of deception

Deception is a process by which wrong becomes right, and right becomes wrong. It’s a complete paradigm shift of opinions, standards and morals that is achieved softly, subtly and often takes a generation to entrench into society.

If you want to know what I am talking about, find out your mother’s views on things like sexuality and marriage and compare them with yours. The contrast in opinions does not necessarily prove that she is old and antiquated; it may instead prove that you have been deceived.

There are six stages of deception.

● The shocker 
● The outrage
● The discussion
● Tolerance
● Acceptance
● Veneration

If I wanted to popularize the most unimaginable thing in our society, say like bestiality (the practice of having sex with animals), I would follow these steps.

I would select a forerunner to drop the shocking message on an unsuspecting public. “We should start having sex with animals,” he would announce on radio, TV or in a newspaper.

That is the shocker; the bombshell, so to speak. It would inevitably be followed by outrage. The forerunner is abused and demonized by the bewildered public. Every respected leader in society comes out to slam the lamentable reprobate who dared suggest something so obnoxious.

The forerunner defiantly defends the practice. His critics come out even more scathing. But the forerunner knows exactly what he is doing. He is setting an agenda. Many people don’t understand the effect of continuous exposure on the human mind.

I will give an example most of you will understand. If you ask a girl out and she is not interested in you, the best thing she can do for herself is stay away from you or your words. If she continues listening to you, what was initially unthinkable becomes worth a consideration, then acceptable. Many ladies have fallen for guys they swore never to date just because they didn’t understand the law of continuous exposure.

Once the bestiality message reaches the third stage; discussion, the forerunner has done his job. At this stage there is a big debate over bestiality; with most people still slamming it, not knowing that they are falling into a trap.

I know for a fact that homosexual groups abroad were giving money to people fighting homosexuality in Uganda. Then they would also fund those pushing for it. Initially it didn’t make sense. Until I learnt how deception works. What they wanted was to keep the subject of homosexuality in public debate. They know exactly what they were doing. The more people are exposed to it through discussion, the more it becomes less obnoxious in their minds.

That leads to the next stage: Tolerance. At this stage people say: “I am not going to have sex with animals, but if someone chooses to do it, shauri yake (that’s his problem). Others will say: “Who cares what people do behind closed doors?”I have heard these statements being made by people who clearly don’t understand what they are up against. This is the stage at which science kicks in to ‘prove’ that some people are born with an inherent attraction towards animals and they cannot help themselves.

Consequently, bestiality is included in the UN Human Rights Charter and activists are given a new pursuit. Economic and travel sanctions are used to twist the arms of nations that still forbid it.

Then we start hearing phrases like: “We cannot tell people whom they should love.”

The main purpose of this stage is to ensure that bestiality is legally accepted.

The next two steps are aimed at entrenching it at a social level.

The penultimate stage is Acceptance. At this stage bestiality becomes a conventional alternative way of living. All the outrage has since dissipated. This is the stage at which those still opposed to it are called bestiaphobic (the word will be coined) and they are considered antiquated, old-fashioned, intolerant, dogmatic, religious zealots, bigots…. you’ve heard all those words.

This is the stage at which there are bestiality rights parades in major cities.

Then we are reminded that the same book in the Bible that forbids bestiality also forbids eating pork. Then ‘intellectuals’ think use that to rubbish the Word of God, and make it look ridiculous.

The final step is Veneration. This is the stage at which the people who practice bestiality are praised. The liberalist media (which includes almost all international channels) subtly promotes them as ‘cool’, intelligent, exposed. That’s the stage at which celebrities ‘come out’ to reveal that they are ‘proud bestialists’.

Then bestiality begins to win fresh ‘converts’ everyday because many young people will do anything to be seen as ‘cool’ or to be associated with some Hollywood or football star.

That is how you corrupt a whole society.

That’s how previously unthinkable things like atheism and homosexuality and all other forms of sexual perversion have taken root in our society.

Unfortunately, in Uganda, homosexuality has reached Stage four (Tolerance). But in the West, it has gotten to the veneration stage.

You have probably heard of the black homo American footballer who “made history by becoming the first footballer to come out”. What’s historical about someone proclaiming their perversion?

So many other people are being lauded in the media for no other reason other than their homosexuality.

Your mother may not be outdated after all. You may be deceived.

"Hmm, can we EAT it?"

freecocoa:
Let me just say that I'm the one who doesn't understand english language this night, but I'd like to think that when one says "for whatever reason, cannot do it herself is abnormal" he means that, regardless of what, it is still not okay and that statement cancels whatever was previously stated, but anyways, no wahala.

have u eaten?

I quoted you because you seemed to agree with the imbeci1e going about the forum, talking about how my dad is a pervert because he bathed my sister one time when she was in uni.

Well, all i said was that it wasnt a good idea posting such personal stuff online. Wether i agree with him is a topic for another day.

***modified.
If she was sick then its completely understandable. If she wasnt then its your buisness, no one else's. I know and have spoken of a family where till this day the parents and five grown up kids (three graduates, two still in uni) go about the house butt nakiid or at most mumsie wears bra and pant. Whenever we visit we have to wait at least 10mins for everyone inside to get properly dressed before they open the door for us. Now it may be normal for them as per thats how they were brought up but i dont expect my guy to go pasting that info all over facebook ar any social media.

OLAADEGBU:
Are you saying Obama is simply a puppet?

Yes he is.

Why would the most powerful man in the world, who, by the way is a heterosexual, happily married with kids, be so predictable as as to be known to bring up and push the Gay agenda in EVERY COUNTRY he visits? and if they don't recieve the message there are threats for sanctions? Is gayism the problem with the world now? Has he solved terrorism and economic crises not to talk of peace talks in war torn areas? Why would the most powerful man in the world make one of his top priorites to push the gay movement if there wasnt a force making him to do so?

freecocoa:
You should be the one to make use of common sense.

So a father home alone with his daughter who is sick and threw up so much with no strength left, shouldn't help her clean up because she's grown and have size D braest? Where did you read in the post being referred to, that it's normal to bathe grown up girls? You are the one asking to be told if the people who deemed the content of this thread inappropriate will molest their daughter,I just want to know, does she stop being his daughter because she now has b00bz?

It's just really disturbing how you people think every one is a pervert because they did something considered "abnormal" in your dictionary.

Just even look at the picture you painted, how is that what I meant? You know why I quoted you, yet somehow you want to turn it into something else, anyways, I just wanted to be sure you know not all men can/will molest their daughters.

Two things:
One;

freecocoa:
So a father home alone with his daughter who is sick and threw up so much with no strength left,

And I expressly said and I quote:

A grown man bathing his adult daughter when she isnt crippled [size=18pt]or sick[/size] or for whatever reason cannot do it by herself IS ABNORMAL.

Ofcourse he can bathe her if she is incapacitated in any way, nothing wriong with that. But a fully grown woman with no ailment whatsoever and he wants to bathe her cos she's his daughter? Mbanu!

and secondly;

freecocoa:
You know why I quoted you, yet somehow you want to turn it into something else,

No I dont o, pls clarify the bolded.

dinachi:
Missed you too bro.
How are thinz with ya.

We thank God o. Just taking things one step at a time.
I sight your lovely wife. Kudos.

LaRoyalHighness:
I beat my children... I wish I could help it... I just can't. Talking to them don't solve any problem as they barely understand. Until you bring cane.. You go talk tire.

This is talking from experience.
Theory and practical are two different things.

Crysallis:
I love how well you wrote this

Thanks.

dinachi:
The Op is a learner. I have warned guys. STOP being nice to women! Many of them thinks it is because of their rotten atrociously stinking puccies!
If you want to marry her, make your move before spending. If she is not interested, move on and spend the money on your family. I repeat, your family and genuine friends needs the money. Stop wasting your resources on all these a dime a dozen girls littered around everywhere this days
Most of these girls are mentally deranged. Save your money. If you must spend on a woman, give your mother's and sisters a treat. Buy her a car. If you have done that before buy cars for your sisters.
Stop being an ass, leave this deranged girls alone to keep wallowing in their idiocy.

Longest time bro

cococandy:
Yep.

.

gabbytabby:
It's a first passport

Ok.

I still dont get it though. Are you afraid he will suddenly deny having the signature or what? cos it will never hold in court, all those joint documents he signed with whatever signature still has his details and passport photographs so its not as if he can deny them. I dont think there is anything to be afraid of.

cococandy:
Loooooooool @bold


At the rest, knocking a child is corporal punishment but slapping isn't?

Knocking which is done with clenched fists and the bony part of the fingers (knuckle) and on the head non the less? 5mins abeg bone matter.

When you're wrong take correction and leave it at that.

the brain is well protected by the skull. Most people that knock a child on the head usually knock on the frontal bone of the skull, once in a while on the parietal bone. These bones are exceedingly dense and can withstand a lot of stress. A rap on the head with the knuckle will not cause much damage.
Knocking a child on the head is very different from using a clenched fist which is what you might be confusing things with here. Even then the damage caused will be minimal unless the person hit with all their strength ie with an intent to kill which like i have said previously is immature and abusive.

A slap on the other hand is on soft tissue. there is no bony inner structure to protect the individual. A slap can lead to cuts, bruises, lacerations to the tongue, lacerations to the inner cheek, dislodgement of teeth, possible damage of surrounding structures like the eye which may be caught in the crossfire. There could be swelling, imflammation and possible infection, Hematoma formations and in very severe cases dislocation of the jaw may occur.

So yes it is more dangerous to slap a 5yr old child than to knock him/her on the head.

I will admonish you to take your own advice and leave it at that.

gabbytabby:
I guess you understand this in your would hence it's usual to you. Thanks for the comments we live and learn each day.

ok.
No hard feelings pls.

freecocoa:
The way you change mouth is seriously alarming.

So now, she's his daughter abi but he becomes a pervert if he ever bathes her as an adult for whatever reasons,or it will be easier to molest her when she's grown? smh.

No offence, but use common sense na.

A grown man bathing his adult daughter when she isnt crippled or sick or for whatever reason cannot do it by herself IS ABNORMAL. No two ways about it. At a certain age, a girl becomes aware of her nakiidness. she withdraws from her brothers and asks for a room of her own if she can. She gets closer to her mother to ask about braest development and menstruation. Are you saying a father walking into the bathroom nakiid while the full grown daughter with size D braests and hairy vag1na is there only to carry sponge and start sponging her doesnt sound like the beginning of a p0rn movie to you? You want to compare that with this toddler?

Haba.

cococandy:
Nobody intends to kill when they hit.

What do you know about brain damage?
Especially in infants.

Read up on shaking baby syndrome and know what trauma to the head--which include many violent practices on children among which are slaps and 'the knock of her life' can do to a developing child.

It doesn't manifest immediately. I'm not saying anything will happen to your niece, she probably has nothing to worry about.

But Hitting children isn't corporal punishment.

I know more about medical conditions than you do. Leave it at that.
I repeat,the knock on her head wasnt enough to cause any permanent damage. Its people who throw thier kids against the wall and bash thier heads in with thier fists you should be addressing not me. People who are children themselves and hit thier kids outof anger and frustration, Parents who are still prone to temper tantrums because they themselves were not disciplined as kids. Parents who take out life's frustrations on thier children.

I have never seen any kid with shaking baby syndrome in this Nigeria. Its definitely more common in the "More Civilized Countries" than it is here. Probably because thier adults arent matured enough to handle thier own kids properly.


Corporal punishment to me includes:
knocking on the head
spanking on the buttocks
flogging on the bumbum(elder children)
Kneeling down with arms raised

It is also pertinent to note that as soon as you punish a child you must let the child know the reason for the punishment so s/he can learn from it. Most corporal punishment stops when the child has reached a reasonable age e.g 15=18.




What is NOT corporal punishment is:
Slapping the child
Punching the child
Shaking the child violently
Throwing the child violently
Using instruments on the child like shoes, cords, cables, belts*, iron rods, etc
Using pepper on the child
Kicking the child
Hitting the child's head or body on the wall
etc.

*belting can be used on certain stubborn boys esp of teenage age when the cane is no longer threathening. But I do not personally advocate it.

All the above are acts of cruelty done under anger and frustration and can inflict severe bodily harm as well as mental trauma on the child.

gabbytabby:
We have spoken to the husband and all he could say is that he has 2 signatures end of story. All of the documentation that are solely his is in his usual signature but anything he does with the wife be it joint bank account is in another signature. The husbands passport was after the marriage such that it is not a case of he changed his signature and he maintained his usual signature for that.


Obviously there are stresses in the marriage already quarrelling, the lady complaining that he is putting pressure on her to take out life insurance etc.

I promise to speak with her tomorrow and I still do not know what to say.

If you are renewing your passport it is the same signature you used before that they will require you to use again. Probably he got the passport before getting married.

Secondly,I dont get what the problem is. He signed with a different signature , but its his own recognised signature, recognised by the various institutions he is using. He has a seperate signature he uses with his wife, so? what's the problem there?

All marriages, ALL marriages have quarrel. Unless there is something more you are not saying.

cococandy:
You don't seem to know that hitting a child on the head what is one the worst things you can do to a kid.
Their brains are still tender at that age.

You couldn't even spank her bottom of you wanted to hit her. Na head you dey knock am.

Pls read up on kids and how delicate their brains still are in case you didn't know before.

I know my own strength. My intent wasnt to kill but to correct.
And funny enough the child isnt brain damaged or emotionally traumatized. She still calls me "uncle" and climbs all over me when we play. And yes she's still one of the top best in her class.

I am all for corporal punishment. It helps a child fear and respect you as an adult and enables you to pass your lessons of life across more effectively. As the child grows older I ease off on the corporal punishment and rely more on reasoning. This is the time to let the child know why certain things are right and wrong, and at an older age the child appreciates this logical correction more. Its a waste of time trying to explain to a three year old that she almost killed us by grabbing the steering wheel so violently.

MarvellousGod:
And you no wan make we enjoy good food too hhuuhh?

You know we men are a primitive lot.
We are moved more by what we see

Ladies in the other hand have higher tastes. They dwell more with the inner things than outward appearance.