₦airaland Forum

@Zimdrill,if you're saying that it's not only one partner that should do the giving,then i agree with that. You should have made that point in the beginning and i woulda agreed with you completely. It's not only the guy who should give things. He can get things/gifts from me too. And no,i do not intend to be a full-time housewife(Tufiakwa!). My point is,whether i am working or not,his responsibilities are his responsiblilities. Feeding,clothing,housing,school fees(when we have kids) are SOLELY his responsibility,as long as he is in a position to do so. If at some point in time he's broke then of course i'll help out. If there's no money in the house then i'll bring my money. I can also decide to contribute to household funds out of the goodness of my heart,but it still remains HIS responsibility. I'd only be helping out.

fstranger1:
That is the definition of an escort , you know!

So when i go on a date with my boyfriend,you expect me to split the check? Or he should not buy me gifts? Or credit me? If you honestly think expecting those things=gold-digging then there's really nothing more i can say.

@ZIm drill,i didnt say i expected a boyfriend to take care of me. I said i expected a HUSBAND to do that.

Smh. . . Tsk tsk. . What do i expect from a boyfriend that is soo much? Credit every now and then? Buying me gifts? Paying for our dates? Are you seriously saying that's too much? I do not expect hair allowance,feeding allowance,clothing allowance,rent,fuel money etc from a boyfriend-that would be unfair. I expect all that from a HUSBAND. As for my husband,when he marries me,he becomes Head of the house. . What kind of head would he be if he didn't take care of me? The minute he marries me,feeding,clothing and housing are HIS reponsibility. Solely HIS. If i,in the goodness of my heart,decide to contribute,that's a different thing. If,also,he doesn't have the money for one reason or the other,again,that's a different thing entirely. Feeding,clothing and housing are HIS responsibility. If saying that makes me a gold-digger,then im okay with that.

@seedord,it's short distance;i.e we live near each other. 2-She went to stay with an aunt in another part of town. 3-She has not yet decided what she wants to do with the baby. 4-The guy said he'd stand by whatever decision she made.

Erm,sorry,who said Atreides would be surprised to know that most people don't have access to smartphones et al? I know there are poor people in Nigeria,but there are cyber-cafes everywhere. There are 8,000 naira phones that browse. Both rich and poor kids browse,so both categories are distracted by it. Both rich and poor kids watch t.v,so both categories can be distracted by them. Both rich and poor kids watch football,so both categories can be distracted by them. The main problem is not the government(although it's a part of it) but the attitudes of the students towards their own educations and lack of proper priorities. As bad as the system is,it still produces people who pass the exams. The difference between the 20% who passed and the 80% who failed lies in their attitudes/mindsets because some under the same educational system still passed. FYI,i am not part of the 'privileged few'. I don't know how things were in your time but now,the Command schools are definitely NOT 'big man' schools.

No they do not,at least not in the long run. See the thing is,bad boys are exciting,unpredictable and fun,whereas nice guys are steady,solid and dependable. Bad boys are boyfriend material but nice guys are husband material. So we'll date bad boys just to have fun but when we want to settle down,we'll go for Mr. Nice guy. At least i would.

[quote author=Lord_Reed link=topic=585913.msg7537018#msg7537018 date=1295080843]@Atreides
Now I can confirm u've got a gud head on your shoulders. Lucky is d guy fortunate 2 win your heart.[/quote]Aww. . Thanks sweery. .

@1one,you think my needs are numerous? You've not jammed real gold-diggers yet,girls who'll expect you to buy them phones,buy them cars,buy plots of land and build houses for them,take them abroad and give them huge shopping allowances etc. What's so wrong in expecting my bf to credit my phone every now and then? Or to buy me gifts when i know i'll prolly appreciate a good book just as much as some jewelry? Or if we go out on a date,say to see a movie,do you expect me to pay for my ticket? I don't need much from a bf,but i will expect more from a husband. What will i do for him? Apart from sex,i'll cook for him,make sure his clothes are washed,clean up after him and keep house. Feminism aside,that's my work as a wife,and i will gladly do it. If i truly love him then doing them won't even be a big deal-it will be just one more way i show my love for him. If he truly loves me then he will WANT to provide for me. He won't see those things as a chore but as a privilege. Taking care of me financially will be just another way to show his love for me. Me expecting those things from him doesn't make me a gold-digger any more than him expecting certain things from me makes him a slave-driver. It goes both ways.

I'm still angry. . Just not as angry as i was at first. I think i've come to terms with the situation,but there's still this underlying sense of anger/resentment that's not going away. I'm not as angry as i was though.

@Lord Reed,Paul's own was special. . He was the Kwisatz Haderach(or worreva). . He was like one in a million. . Personally i think Alia's cooler-imagine being a Rev. Mother from birth! It's not showing yet,just that there are signs if you're looking for them. P.s-angry bout what?

I think it's 3 months or something. The guy is just 2 years older than her so i don't see how he'll be able to take care of them. He said the decision was hers and that whatever choice she made he'd stand by it. P.s-i cannot advice her to have an abortion because i don't believe in abortion.

@Lord Reed,you wish! No men allowed! Well she's left the area now-she went to go stay with an aunt in another part of Lagos and i haven't been able to reach her for a few days. She didn't tell before she left.

And i find you saying i have the 'colonial mentality' very offensive. I'm a Nigerian teenager. I was born here,i'm living here,i went to primary and secondary school here and i will go to University here. If i can speak and communicate in clear,concise English,then i don't think wanting my 40-something year old leaders to do the same is asking for too much. When they bore me to tears with their dry speeches,i protest it. I protest,not because i have the 'colonial mentality' but because i hate mediocrity. Our colonial masters are such convenient scapegoats,are they not? We must stop making excuses for mediocrity. Until we do so this country will not move forward.

1-I do not feel that the English language is better/superior to our native languages. I feel that speaking in English means you have a better chance of reaching more people with your message. You said 20 million people speak Ijaw. That's a big number. I didn't know they were that many. But what happens to the remaining 130 million Nigerians who do not speak/understand Ijaw? The native language theory can never fly because there is no common native language. Which is easier,all politicians learning indigenous languages from Tiv to Efik or them getting more proficient with the English language? 2. I never said fancy words/standard English had NOTHING to do with being a good speaker,i said that's not the ONLY THING being a good speaker is about. Yes,our leaders developing some proficiency in English is a factor,but connecting with the people is an even bigger one. I've said that severally,so how am i flip-flopping?

[quote author=Lord_Reed link=topic=585913.msg7536722#msg7536722 date=1295074386]@Atreides
Well I tink your demands are reasonable but lemme ask u wat do u do wit your money?[/quote]Did you notice that i did not include clothing or hair allowance in my expectations of a boyfriend? When we're dating my money will be to take care of myself,to pay my rent,to fuel my car and my gen,to send home to my people,to save etc. When we get married,taking care of me becomes his responsibility. Feeding,housing and clothing are his responsibilities. Of course if for some reason he doesn't have then that's a different thing entirely.

homerac7:
^^^ based on above, Mr cork Ws right to call u a gold digger. Na your life alone d guy come? U not fit earn money to take care of yaself too? Go through your list n c hw petty dey r, n u expect any reasonable man to take it serious? U don't need a man, what I need is a mugu.

Finally, I only think u r joking wt d whole thing?

You thin that's being a gold-digger? You haven't seen gold-diggers yet. I don't expect much from a boyfriend,but a husband is supposed to take care of feeding,housing and clothing. Those are the basics,and calling that gold-digging won't change that.

Okay from a boyfriend, credit,the occasional gift(like jewelry or novels),and if we went out on dates he'd foot the bill. If i was extremely broke(which rarely happens anyway) i'd expect him to help me out if he had money. From a husband,rent,feeding,clothing allowance,hair allowance(well that one's optional),fuel(for the house,but if he wants to help me fuel my car that's okay),credit and if we went on outings he'd pay but if we went on a holiday i suppose we could pool funds if he asked. That's about it. Oh and i'd expect gifts from him too.

[quote author=MzD@rkSkin link=topic=585328.msg7535057#msg7535057 date=1295045473]  [color=#0055bb]Heck no! but judging by his posts I wouldn't be surprised it he were working with 17 mm.  lmao[/color][/quote]Ok. . Thought you were posting from personal experience(a rather dissappointing one too). . 17mm. . Aww now that's harsh. . Though i wouldn't be surprised either. .

@Fstranger,this has nothing to do with colonial mentality/inferiority complex. I've said that being a good speaker isn't just about fancy words. It's about connecting with the people. It's about facial expressions that denote warmth. It's about eye contact. It's about words spoken in a confident,uplifting manner,words coming straight from the heart. These are qualitites our leaders DO NOT have. And how do we know that they'll be any better speaking in their native language? What do native languages have to do with eye contact,or warm facial expressions? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Who's to say a boring speaker in any other language wouldn't sound as boring? And the native language idea cannot work in Nigeria because we are too diverse. If GEJ were to speak in Ijaw,how many people would understand him? He's not just the president of the Ijaw people,he's the president of whole country and he has the responsibility to speak in a language we all can understand. Nigerian political leaders speaking like Obama is too much to ask for. Is me wanting them to stop putting me to sleep everytime i have the misfortune of listening to their boring speeches too much to ask for?

moonraker:
@ OP

you completely missed it.

you dont talk about poo like that when

you knw that your not married to that guy,

do you really think that we men do know abt womens expectations on the financial part??

to think that your frm edo, very embarassed for you

What,pray tell,did i completely miss? Is it not true that some guys like shouting gold-digger up and down? That term is being over-used and i was only pointing that out. It's not only when i'm married that i'll have a right to expect certain things from a guy. I'll also have a right to expect things from a boyfriend,though not as much as a husband. And what does my being Bini have to do with anything? Please,for the love of God,please do not bring tribalism into this. You're embarrased for me? Lemme see. . Nah,don't really care.

@Jenifa,yup,i attended Command. I just found it hard to believe that a Nigerian woudn't know what Waec/Jamb is. Well,Jamb is taken after secondary school and before Uni. It is the first part of an entrance exam of sorts;the other is Post-Ume.

SapeleGuy:
That 'MOST' is ridiculous. Do you know all of them, to be able to make judgement about most? You may not like some of their accents or mannerisms but they understand the dynamics of communication.

Bushmen? My guy, it's 2011, drop the shakara.

'Most' is ridiculous? Out of the 36 governors we have,how many of them are good public speakers? Of the thousands of PDP members in Nigeria,they could not produce one single candidate that can speak publicly. GEJ,Atiku and Madam Jubril are NOT good public speakers.

Katsumoto:
Correct; if you look at the skills of politicians over the years starting the likes of Macaulay, Zik, etc through others such as Awo, Akintola, Balewa, Ekueme down to the present day you will observe that falling standard goes hand in hand with the falling standard of education which quite ironically is as a result of illiterates ruling Naija.

I wasn't alive during Nigeria's glory days so i never heard them speak,but i've been told that Zik and co were great. I just think it's deplorable that we are being ruled by people who are barely literate,people who cannot string together grammatically correct sentences if their lives depended on it,not to talk of connecting to their audiences. I'm not usually interested in Politics,but when i watched Obama's 20 minute inaugauration speech i was blown away. There are people in Nigeria who can speak good English. There are people in Nigeria who are remarkable orators(just enter any church and listen to the pastors). English is not that hard abeg. We need to accept that things in NIgeria have gone downhill. We must stop making excuses for mediocrity.

@Dis Guy,you're getting the point! When GEJ was speaking,he looked up from his notes like 3 or 4 times during the whole speech. A speaker must ALWAYS make eye contact! That's public speaking 101. A good public speaker must also convey the feelings behind the message,he must show warmth so that the audience can connect with him. He must show confidence in what he's saying-if he sounds like he truly believes what he's saying then his audience is more likely to believe him. His facial expressions must match the things he says-not the 'hard face' that GEJ had from beginning to end-no variation. When you add speaking standard English to these(and more) qualities,you get a good speaker. If i connected with a speaker i might be more inclined to forgive his grammatical gaffes. Being a good speaker is a lot more than using fancy words-it involves connecting with people and that is an ability most politicians do NOT have. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Who's to say a boring speaker in any other language wouldn't sound as boring?

Katsumoto:
It is because they are products of a system that does not support meritocracy; a system to which they are now part and parcel of. No one can do more than his ability; expecting an eloquent political speaker in Nigeria is akin to expecting a cat to swim through an ocean.

Now this is a very reasonable reply. Nigerian politics are based on Money and Connections. Merit doesn't even come into it. It's all about who you know and how much money you have. There are eloquent speakers in Nigeria,people who are genuinely qualified to run for office but they are not given the opportunity to do so.

A politician is a leader. He should be able to speak standard English. Being a good public speaker isn't just about using fancy words or big grammar. It's about connecting with the people you're speaking to and inspiring them. We should not use the fact that English is not our native language as an excuse for mediocrity. Every student is taught English in schools. Even if that's not sufficient for them,they can hire people to whip them into shape. They should be able to speak standard English,shikena. Things will never change in Nigeria until we Nigerians stop accepting mediocrity.

And i'm not a purist per se. I'm not saying our political leaders must speak like Obama. I'm saying that they should not put us to sleep with their BORING speeches. They should inspire and motivate us by their words. It's not about big grammar-it's about the ability to motivate and inspire people,and that is something they do not have. A political leader should be a good public speaker. That's not what our leaders are. And what is so difficult about English anyway? Yes it's not our mother tongue but were they not taught English in school? The fact that English is not our first language is no excuse for mediocre,lack-lustre,boring speeches.

@Dede,i do agree that not every Nigerian can speak/understand standard English. If you're saying that politicians should should speak in pidgin,then that's a different thing entirely. I personally think that pidgin is so widely used it should be made a national language. However,you didn't say 'pidgin';you said 'mother tongue',by which you mean indigenious languages. I still say that politicians speaking in their mother tongue is not feasible. Nigeria is waay too diverse for that. Speaking in a mother tongue would limit you to a certain group/tribe,while speaking in English would cut across tribal boundaries. And again,we have been speaking English for the past 50 years. It is not too much to expect that we develop some proficiency in it. English does unite us,not just as Nigerians but as humans. In an international forum,could our president speak Yoruba and be understood by people who are not Nigerian natives? If he spoke in English,everybody,both Nigerians and foreigners would stand a better chance of understanding him.

[quote author=deli.cious link=topic=586020.msg7534493#msg7534493 date=1295038995]Whatever happened to writing in plain, easy to understand English.[/quote]It's expired. A lot of people write in text-speak,even when they're NOT texting.

[quote author=MzD@rkSkin link=topic=585328.msg7527464#msg7527464 date=1294958735][color=#0055bb]^^correkshun: 17cm truss mi 


AMEN![/color][/quote]Did you measure it? . . @Topic,because they're dumb. In this day and age,someone will choose to get pregnant to 'trap' a guy? Someone will choose to NOT protect themselves? Shioor. . They're really dumb. Dumb,i tell ya.