₦airaland Forum

As a woman and it is natural that I feel sad that my husband takes a new wife, whether he smiles, laughs or frowns at the ceremony. However, I have a different approach to it. The wedding day is for the new bride and his countenance honors the new wife more than dishonoring the current ( not old ) wife. The new wife is nervous of course because she will never have the "joy" of having her husband to herself alone and this union becomes a union of 3. But she is going into it with as much courage and joy as she could.

This is tough but until we all start to regard everything we have - health, wealth, children, kids, friends etc as gifts from Allah, we would have a really tough time dealing with events pertaining to loss/reduction.

Our muslim brothers (or men) want to practice the sunnah of polygamy, yet some do not offer tahajjud, nor have the kind manners that are sunnah. This is one quick sunnah a lot of them are eager to fulfil but it also begs to the very nature of man.

For married sisters, do your very best in keeping your part of the deal in a marriage. Men do complain about women adding weight once they start having kids, (yes, I know they put on weight too), some complain that the wife is not comfortable when their relatives visit, while they do not mind the wife's relatives visiting. Other complaints include lack of intimacy, nagging,. Please if you work, do not become responsible for household expenses ( Basics) Islamically, let the man do what he is required to do. You only play a silent supportive role. Don't work so hard that you are exhausted when he requests for action because men will ask.
Please note that the complaints listed above do not get fixed with the addition of new wife

MusaIbrahim1:
My question is, Is it right for us young Nigerian Muslims to divert from the doctrine and follow two of the above role models(El Rufai and Sanusi) to shake, hug or peck a woman

When did Sanusi and El Rufai become role models for muslims? We all are striving including those 2 that you named. The only person that Allah named as a role model for us is Prophet Mohammed (pbuh).
Each of us has one or more areas where we need to make improvements in our deen. May Allah make it easy, Amin

BTW, welcome to NL, I see that you just joined on Oct 22.

aisha2:
The issue of you dont have money doesnt arise. If you work a letter will be sent to your boss if you dont work you do business a letter will be sent to your banks. Its no joke.
It looks like it favors men becausr women here are not ready to fight they want and hope to settle even when treated like shit

I am a victim of the Nigerian legal system 20 years ago, something similar to what happened to this lady happened to me. I employed the so called legal means but all ended in futility. I am very glad that this woman screamed to the high heavens via social media as well as involving actual 'legal authorities". This us why she got her daughter back.
The guy's family tried to paint her black and this is standard for the Nigerian "rich" who want to oppress someone that they believe has no "family" to defend her.
Had grandma stopped for a second to imagine the long lasting psychological effects the separation would cause the child, she might have had a rethink.

The fact that the husband is in America does not translate to him being "rich" If that is what he is able to provide for now, she should budget accordingly. She even has a car but does she generate income? If not, what is the economic necessity of the car?
The money is as enough as she makes it.
Pray for your man to be able to do more.
A grateful heart is a happy one. More complaining may create new problems for the relationship.

all4naija:
Not in public school. It used to be in Europe but it's quickly banned after seeing how Muslim extremists could possibly use it to commit more evils.

Yes in public schools in USA. Good lord! Why would someone just type complete falsehood?

sparkymummy:
Oooh I see!!! My argument was based in the topic at hand. Sorry about that.
I'm not a christian neither am I a muslim so I am indifferent and also neutral here. I think what you Muslims should do is to find a way to make sure the Hijab being worn is the same colour with the school uniform. There is a reason it's being called "School uniform".

The above suggestion is not a bad idea. But the problem here is that the use of the hijab was banned. They did not ask that the students color match it with the uniform (this would actually be warmly accepted); they asked that the students should not use it.

This is an infringement on the student's right to comply with their religious obligation.

mrofficial:
It's a public school where all Nigerians with different religions and believes attend. One of the religions cannot impose or have upper hand in the school in order to avoid disunity.

This is what others are trying to make muslims understand, but I don't know why you guys are so bent on imposing it on public schools. There is no way this move will not bring in trouble a peaceful society. Shall we because of religion and start fighting each other? That is a question you should reflect on. It's a common sense.

Since the ban of broadcasting of miracle on our local TV channels, have you see Christians challenging the ban?

Instead, we should advocate for the removal of any trace of religion in our public schools, and not try to add to it.

Don't try to attach it with freedom of religion. In the sense that your question can be valid regarding if there is freedom of religion in Nigeria is when the Lagos state government completely bans the use of Hijab all over the state.

If you think the public school is not good enough because of its restrictions and it contradicts your religious belief, please take your child to an islamic school.

If you think First Bank contradicts your religious belief because of the way it is run, take your money to an Islamic bank.

I am trying to understand your reasoning. Why do you want to remove all traces of religion in schools? Do you believe in God? If yes, do you take a break from believing in God when you are at school?

Now if you say you do not believe in God, the rules for you are totally different.

The muslims are not asking that non muslims wear hijab. The simple request is that a muslim should be free to wear hijab if she choses to.
This is another attempt to deny the girl child an education.

It is a wrong decision in a society that claims to support freedom of religion.

And please stop this argument of "take your kids to a private Islamic school". Public schools are funded with everyone's money (muslim, non muslim, pagan). Try to remove sentiments, one should be free to exercise his/her religious obligation. The hijab does you no harm.
Live and let live.

A step backwards for Lagos State
The ban on hijab. If there is freedom of religion in Nigeria, what is the rationale behind banning the hijab? Are we going back to the days when muslims could not attend school unless they changed their names? Or is this the beginning of extending the ban to higher institutions? Whoever thought that it was okay to trample on people’s freedom has led this current administration quite astray. This is really backward and emotional thinking.

I am amazed that some people here are happy and rejoicing about this. No wonder Jesus said in the Bible of the people he would siown on the day of judgement.

He says: “Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father Who is in heaven. Many will say to me on the Judgment Day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in your name and driven out demons in your name and done many miracles in your name? Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Go away from me, you evildoers”

My goodness, do you even look at Mary (AS) mother of Jesus? How did she dress and conduct herself? You sell your souls and eternity for the pittance of this life? This life which is so transient that the hour is any time - death?

May Allah strengthen the muslims and give us victory against the evil doers. Amin

Who is scared of the hijab and why

prettysheila:
Plz o.y is it dat the Al-sunna Alfas always want pple to join there group by force.The funniest tin is dat d Al-sunna Alfa in my house is worst,he always want my younger brother to dress d way he dresses by force.plz wat is d position of Islam on dat? Plz b sincere o

And can you give an example of "by force"? Just so we understand the scenario better? And what is your brother's style of dressing to start with? Perharps, this AlSunna alfa is calling your brother to something better than what your brother is in at the moment?

dragnet:
though I've resorted not to reply your likes due to your mischievous attitudes, but in response to the above, I'll give you a verse from the Qur'aan.


O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allâh, but do that which they are commanded.


so do you tell men to disobey this order from Allaah?

The verse you quoted is very apt. You are responsible first for "yourself" and "your family " next. You can spread the message but the Quran categorically states that "Let there be no compulsion in religion"

Assalam alaykum warahmatullah.
As a muslim, self defence is a duty upon us. However, when others insult the Prophet Mohammed (SAW), we are not to take up arms. All the wars fought in the time of Rasul (SAW), none of them was because of insults to his person. So where are we getting "our current day" responses from?

As a believer becomes closer to Allah, HE becomes less of a pessimist and more of an optimist. Being around a true believer should bring you joy not make you depressed. Attitudes of gratitude and reinvigorating encouragement are closely tied to optimism.
Even though there are many negatives around us, a true believer points out things to be thankful for and never loses hope.

baba11:
Being a good Muslim is to uphold what Allah has commanded us to do and abstain from what He doesn't like from us from doing whilst @ the same time,you are striving to hit the pinnacle of your religion.....May Allah makes us a better Muslim..

Amin

Being a good muslim is a continuous life long process
Identifying each new day as an opportunity to improve. When you start thinking that you are a better muslim than others, me thinks you've got it wrong.. The race is to become a better you, add one new improvement everyday with the goal of pleasing Allah. If Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) never "stopped" striving to please Allah, what gives any muslim the excuse?
Allah is good to us, He is kind and forgiving and each waking moment is a reaffirmation of that and Him telling us, Here you go, another chance for you"
May Allah grant us long life, good health and help us use the resources that He has granted us to the attainment of His pleasure, Amin.

Bimpe29:
Cosequent upon this Hadith Qudsi, we are strongly required to always check and correct our intentions on which we perform open and secret actions. And, it is worthy of notice to ensure that such actions are in line with the dictates of Allah (SWT).

May Allah purify our intentions for us and make our good deeds not go to waste. This is strongly in support of thinking before acting.
When you give sadaqa, are you doing it while you are indebted (to the banks for example) in order to please the recipient? Remember, Allah knows your capability. If you worry much about what people would think and use this as a basis for good deeds, na long thing oo

Excellent post.
I ask these questions of myself.
Have I earned the right to be called a muslim?
How many attributes of Prophet Mohammed (SAW) have I emulated?
How much do I know about him (SAW) whom Allah describes as the "perfect example"?
Am I focusing on the right things or the trivial stuff?
How do I copy this perfect example if I do not learn about him?

My heart is not light because I feel like I wasted too much time. If I emulate Prophet Mohammed (SAW), I will be doing better dawah than verbally preaching to anyone.
I will have better inner peace. I will be successful in this world and the next.

I have a lot of work to do. May Allah make it easy for me, (Amin) and all the muslims.

Go girl. Do not be silent. Some humans are brutal. Report to the appropriate authorities in your country of residence. Nigerians need to know that they cannot break the law just because they are "rich?"
I hope this is resolved in a very short time.
My heart really goes out to you.

Amin. May Allah forgive her shortcomings.

cramjones:
No need to spit on me. Spit on the book that commands Boko Haram and Isis to behead those who do not believe in Islam and the sharia law. Again, as you all know, many many muslims are my friends in both PDP and APC, however, truth be told, ISIS and Boko Haram are strictly adhering to the injunctions of the Quran.

-CramJones

This is really slowwww, even for you.

logicboy01: you are a muslim. That is why you support polygamy...dont spin nonsense here like you are looking at it from a reasonable point of view.

mtchew

Lol. You should seek professional help. Yes I am a muslim and all the other that I described in my post. Can you grasp that?

tbaba1234: I don't think, it is fair to comment on such a post. It is a picture with words, however ridiculous it sounds. It is not reliable.

A scholar/teacher can say some things that I do not agree with or believe in but that does not mean that everything he/she says gets thrown into the bin of rejection. You are correct. I do not know the Shaykh but I am more concerned about the text under his pix/name. Since I am in the health profession, I like to see how claims (even scientific) correlate to Quranic revelations.

I disregard a lot of medical claims if they are not in agreement with what Allah has revealed. Ultimately, the scientific community will come around to the truth (takes them a longer time to).

I do not know if the statement is right, Per chance there is research that has shown this or something in the Texts to support this. It was a question to get educated not otherwise.

bukatyne: Just curious,

Are you a second wife or a child of one

or

Are you male?

You will make a very good ambassador of polygamy

No I am neither, just a respecter of differences and a student of sensitivity even when I differ.

I am not an ambassador of polygamy, I am of the strong opinion that it is not the worst thing that could happen to a woman in a marriage, and for that reason, I have to open my eyes to see what good could come out of it. It is an attitude thing. Some can choose to see the worst that could come out of it, but to each his own.

Now, are you married, single or planning to be either?

@lastpage
Thank you. I hope all contributors actually read what you posted.

lastpage: Thank you for being HONEST! It is not a virtue you find in most people nowadays!

A lot of men are murdered by their so-called wife using gradual poisoning and it remains UNKNOWN, especially in Nigeria where most deaths are NEVER investigated for HOMICIDE! We are just too carefree and unconcerned about loss of lives.

But let me say that MURDER is MURDER! It is never justified by killing your victim.
"MURDERERS" DESERVE TO ROT IN JAIL; MAN OR WOMAN

If you dont like your husband any more because he decides to marry an "extra" wife, you and every woman is at LIBERTY TO DIVORCE HIM! That is why l will always be a proponent of DIVORCE, if differences are deep and cannot be reconciled. ...(though not just for willy-nilly purposes or just for the sake of Greed ala money and property!)

To resort to murder of your spouse not only shows your own "VERY INNATE NATURE" ....(you know you never can really know your spouse when everything is going good and dandy!.. But suffer a calamity like loss of work/income, let him/her come into sudden MONEY or POWER or let UNHAPPY EVENTS like Cheating/Second wife/Divorce come into the picture.... and the TRUE NATURE of your SPOUSE will start rearing its head.... and what a UGLY HEAD you will face!) .....
But also shows that you yourself are no better than the person you killed! You have no moral advantage at all.

Lets take the easier and more moral route, if we find ourselves in a situation were we cannot resolve ANY DIFFERENCE(S) with our spouse.

SEPARATE... GET A DIVORCE after, if you need to re-marry and was previously legally married.

Lastpage!

Now, that is logical reasoning. Thank you for dissecting this.

And what research has shown this or is he going to claim that he found it in the Quran? ? ?

Sister
I pray Allah eases your path. Remember this is between you and Allah. It is your journey or rather your struggle/jihad.
Don't get frustrated. Stay firm and you will look back and see others going through similar where you will be a source of strength.

usermane: If you have a point, state it instead of beating about the bush. I don't know, so you tell me the relationship among the three.



The whole events are too convoluted to just point fingers based on mini video clips that don't add up, and interpreted out of context.

ISIS are muslims, majority immigrating from their places to ISIS are muslims.
www.theguardian.com/world/2014/sep/29/schoolgirl-jihadis-female-islamists-leaving-home-join-isis-iraq-syria
Am neither condemning all muslims nor absolving the West.

Stop wallowing in victimhood and man up. The likes of Ayman al Zawahiri and Al Baghdadi are the flag bears of ISIS, they are muslims, scholars and have no relation with the west. They draw inspiration from your religious texts and ideologies. The root of the whole menace stem from the muslim community. The West are only exploiting it to meet their political goals as seen in those clips.

I wouldn't bother myself debating this only to have sensitive persons conive behind my back & hack my posts.

For those who want the truth on the muslim/east machinations for this turmoil, i recommend these books;

Black flags from Arabia PDF
Black flags from the East PDF
Black flags from Syria PDF
http://salaf-stories..com.es/2013/05/ebook-black-flags-from-syria.html?m=1

Those were pened by a Salaf, a pro ISIS agent.


However much the West has her hand dirty, the East is just as dirty.

You have been outed. OR you only see what your eyes choose to see.
Someone murders an innocent being and says it is Islam. You go dig up Hadiths to support the murderers claim when the Quran is very clear about this crime. You are a preacher of violence and you will not succeed in your quest to mislead others

tintingz: Since you said it is a "choice".

How is polygamy anti-woman?

You still haven't answer the question...

What will you say to the women that prefer polygamy?

why do we see women marrying an already married man, I'm talking about the second, third, forth wives.

lets use logic as you claim to be.

Take his name to mean "illogical". Trust me.. you'll find out shortly.

usermane: It(video) is not relevant to the topic. I post for you hadith motivating ISIS and you give me videos implicating Western colonialists? Am i a western agent?

The same tactic employed by "intelligence agencies". You are preaching violence and cloaking it under Islam. Of course, you are an agent. If not, what a waste.
We should be able to bring the authorities to take note of you. You are spreading these fallacies and desperately tying Islam to ISIS and the likes, trying to appear "learned". Whether you claim to be muslim or not, it appears that you are seeking recruits and then you can come back and say 'See, I told you so!"

If you are any objective and without ulterior motive, pray tell what the relationship is between Boko Haram, Ihejirika and MEND? Answer the question, then you will understand why you need to review the video again unless of course, you knew the grand plan all along.

Be that as it may, the light of Islam is inextinguishable.

SAMBARRY: children breeded in polygamous homes are always very aggressive and defensive because they are used to an environment where they think everyone is up to something mischievous and so they are always at the defensive. The males don't know how to love or respect women, the females don't know how to respect themselves because they don't know.



No normal right thinking person wants that for their children. Personally I haven't seen a product of polygamy who turned out well. The ones that managed to escape sane and sound know what their mother and even themselves went through so they won't move close to polygamy with a 10 inch pole

Such as Barak Obama?

@Topic
What a way to honor your late father!!!
SMH

usermane: I 'll be buying more than i bargained for if i respond to all issues in your post.

I don't condemn all orthodox muslims. I simply address vital ugly realities of their beliefs and ideal.

Peace.

And where is your objectivity (or honesty) when the video above gets no response from you? It appears that you just hate Islam.

MuhdG: Okay noted!
But out of curiosity, is that directed to me or who or all of us?

All muslims, including me