₦airaland Forum

TV01: I can't really argue that point can I? Even if I claim it's morality based, it's evident my morality is Christianity based.


But I can argue this one; please evidence that assertion.

Whatever ones beliefs about how human beings - or marriage - came into existence, polygamy could never have pre-dated monogamy. even a polygamist has to marry one to start with !

With a natural birthrate of around 105/6 boys to 100 girls, even where polygamy is permitted, monogamy remains the most practiced model.

Polygamy would be dead on arrival (or at best marginal) in a society where there is full harmony and empowerment of the sexes. ATBE, all it really is is a carnal (legally winked at) outlet for concupiscence in men.

ATBE, what right-thinking or empowered woman really wants to share her husband? And what loving and faithful man can really claim that he requires further wives?


All you are saying here - and quite wrongly I might add - is that fidelity is not synonymous with conjugal faithfullness. By definition, you cannot make that claim for monogamy.


TV

Are you married? am just trying to see what angle each contributor is writing from.
@all others
Let us remember to be civil and respectful of the OP. This is her reality and many women in Africa. The strict laws concerning monogamy in the West makes it a non issue because the man either divorces or kills his wife, then marries the new one.

@OP, Do not leave your husband if you both still love each other and can make it work. I agree that the woman in the home should be notified first. Wanting to be a polygamist does not equate cheating and sneaking up on your spouse. Respect for feelings are crucial in any relationship.

freecocoa: I can't help but think that, the only reason a man would take a second wife is, because he is tired of the first wife and wants to replace her, more like he's missing something and feels another woman can give him that.


I can never be a 2nd wife or agree to a 2nd wife.

Fortunately (or not) men are not like us. You would be surprised if you did a survey among men as to why they (1) take a second wife Or (2) keep a mistress/girlfriend.
It does not always mean that they do not like the woman they are with or married to.

Each individual must at the end of the day do what they are comfortable with.

Theoretical question now Would you then consider marrying a widower or a divorcee?? If your answer is yes, would that mean that you somewhat wish someone's wife died or his marriage collapsed so that you can be the only wife? Somewhat similar to women/ladies hoping to marry a man whose mother is already dead so that they do not have a mother in law. Again, my question is theoretical. Just another way to look at it.

nwapastor: Why is it that when a man likes/loves a woman/lady he often finds a way of communicating it but when he falls out of love he tends to just walk away without any explanation leaving the lady to keep wondering what went wrong? Sometimes the next thing the lady will hear is that he is getting married to someone else leaving the lady speechless (to say the least).

He probably wanted a taste, got it, then moved on?? I don't know. Maybe the guys can help

coogar: nwapastor, i almost wept reading the above. you mean to tell me this is what single women go through at work, in our churches and even in the family?

please tell us more, i am eager to learn.

You are baddttttt

@OP
Watch Big Love, if possible. It is a Mormon story of a man with more than one wife. Please do not leave your husband if you and him can be together. Communication is however very important between you, him and this woman. Every day is precious. Buy yourself dignity with the way you handle this.

I do not agree with those who expect you to find a negative input from your dad's first wife. In face, I think she will provide you with the most wisdom because her experience is quite similar to yours.

PS: I am not an advocate of polygamy, in fact, I dey jealous wella; but I will take it over being a mistress to a married man, or having my husband sleep around.

And polygamy and being a cheat are not mutually exclusive. You can be a cheating man and remain a polygamist or monogamist (yes even if the woman becomes pregnant- countless girls have been asked to abort because "my wife no go gree" Or the man simply does not want to bear the responsibility).

freecocoa: Mba kwa biko, I didn't come out of polygamy.

Hmmnnnnn.... Okay

soonest: Who says polygamous men don't cheat? In fact they are the greater cheats. So the notion that as a wife in such a setting u will knw who ur husb is sleeping with doesn't hold water at all. A cheat is a cheat even when he has 100 wives.
I wish the Op had opened this thread as a diary like pickabeau said, so that it doesn't turn into a religious thing cos it's brewing

We can be tolerant of each other and respectful of the poster's story. The thread is perfectly positioned, I believe you are free to post your experience and all contributors should either be respectful or not post a response.

Life has never been fair, perfect nor black and white. You make your own perfect out of your situation. I can choose to be single and spend my entire life (very lonely, let no one fool you) that way so I can hold my head high and say " I did not share my man" or I can accept it (very painful) and try to create the best out of the situation. Ultimately, the relationship between my husband and I will be crucial to how this plays out. Again, regardless of being in a monogamy or polygamy.

GodsDivinefavor: Seriously, am still trying know where or what I did wrong.

Wrong approach. I would not waste my breath on this unless my husband is behaving badly towards me. But if we accept that we are not perfect, our best intentions and actions will never be enough to stop the other from doing what they desire.

maclatunji: Smart response madam.

She's pretty good sometimes, you would have to agree.
Now how many of our polygamous men actually marry a woman who was widowed?? Most go for young, succulent babes.
Sorry to digress

Googler: Life is complicated. The thing about being broke is not that you are not in control of what you do or what happens to you. Other people are. And this can bring about a situation of feelings of helplessness. Give you some examples.

1. A colonel sent to my state in the mid-80’s implemented a policy that has left me floundering for years on end.

2. The only good job I ever got, one (13 odd years ago, paid okay and was trekable from my pad) was lost because a member of staff decided to burgle the place and steal stuff, setting off a chain of events that led to detention and termination of the job of every administrative member of staff.

3. When I went to university in the late 90’s I could not complete it because a certain military administrator had put in place some very bad policies which saw fees going up astronomically.

4. When I tried to run an online business a couple of years back, I underestimated the extent of my adverse reaction to stress. Staying up late and getting up early quickly took its toll and I had to abandon the project after losing my entire savings – it wasn’t much, but it was my entire savings.

5. I am currently studying for a degree in law. But someone, somewhere, has decided to bungle my school’s accreditation process – meaning I may not go to law school and my degree will look like eba without soup. Had I any control, I would have gone to a better school.

My present job entails spending between 6 and 7 hours or more in traffic daily (Ogun State go VI) and the pay is just enough to cover that transport and feed you a little. My school fees and co have to come from what I manage to make from writing and editing which is very irregular.

I suspect that the script for our lives is written before we are born. I suspect there is a reason for it - which reason may explain why God does not intervene. Look at me. I could have graduated long long ago and settled into an okay job. But that was not to be. I can be very productive given the right environment – but I’ve been thrown into the most inhospitable physical and emotional environment of all, a roiling lough that appears to blind the eyes and bind the hands. How do you get productive with my working circumstances if you react easily to the stress? You dare not resign because being socially inept (what a post above mine calls being “weird”) has ensured you don’t have any network of friends. So you’re stuck – you can’t get a good job and you can’t go on your own. Fifteen years ago I wanted to be a fiction writer. I think I was quite good at it. Hell, I was winning prizes. But the striving to get food got in the way. I had to eat and I couldn’t combine that with fiction writing. Because, yes, you got it - stress.

I’m not atheist and I have never doubted the existence of God in all these. Why? Because I can see a pattern in everything. I have never completely starved, or been rendered homeless. Food usually turns up when I thought it was over. Things never go so bad I can’t get to the next day. It’s as if the script allows the basics, the barest basics, but nothing more. I can eat. I have a room. But I want a proper apartment. I want a home. I want a wife. I want children feeling my ears with their shrieks. But these have been pipe dreams. That is why one would, perhaps, have been better off with sturdy muscles going to some village farm without a care in the world. But I don’t think God or demons or witches have anything to do with any of these. Sounds complicated? Well, that’s another topic - God. But I hope it explains why I suspect that the script for our lives is written before we are born. You see, there was a time I thought the reasons I can’t bring myself to hurt a fellow human being by stealing from them or cheating or deceiving them is because I’m a good person and those who have no qualms duping old pensioners of their entire life savings are bad people. Now, I’m not so sure it's about being inherently good or bad. I suspect that temperament may explain things. We’re all victims of our temperament.

But, yes, hope one must. So thanks to Angeldemivida, sholay11, onegig, bellong and everyone else. Yes, I have visited the Business section a few times. Once my exams are over next month I am planning to leverage on my residual IT skills and go for video editing training, teach myself website development and spend some time promoting my editing side job online. If my degree will not be useful (they say they’re working on accreditation) I might retain my sanity by trying something else.

Thank you for reading. I won’t have gone into this with anyone – no one cares, not because they’re bad people but because they’re not meant to. So it feels good to ramble on an anonymous forum.

Kadara!
Stay strong, Be grateful. It improves your state of well being.

sandijey: GodsDivinefavor.
God is your strength. Its a very difficult situation. The advise your mum gave u is based on her being a third wife. If you were close to your step mum, I mean your dad's first wife. My dear, she is in the best position to advise you. Can't imagine how you're feeling. Don't listen to any insult anybody might give. As I earlier stated. A cheating husband is no different from a polygamyst. We all just try to give bad things sweet names. It is well.

A polygamist is very different from a cheating husband. A friend who stabs you in the back is not the same as an enemy you recognize.
A lot of us worry more about what "others" say than what we actually feel. You can choose to see some good in your situation if you have the capacity to be thankful/grateful. It is an attitude.
If your husband performs his responsibilities, be it monogamy or polygamy, you will have good experiences. If he is negligent of his duties, you will be miserable be you half wife, one wife or one out of more than one wife.

Let us not over romanticize monogamy and vilify polygamy.

I am a woman and yes, Orisha , je kin pe meji obirin ko de inu. But it is not the worst thing that could happen in a marriage.

freecocoa: *spreads camp bed*

My dad is from a polygamous home, grandpa married about 10 wives(i know 2 besides my grandma), my grandma was the no 9, hearing from my dad, aunts and uncles, it wasn't easy, till now, there's no unity amongst them, they don't even know where some of their step siblings are.

I don't believe anything good can come out of polygamy.

But you came out of polygamy!!!

OlaoChi: True, the northern politicians practically control Nigeria
The Yorubas come second but act as subordinates

In spite of you and your type, it is still very okay for some Nigerian groups to be tolerant and respectful of each other. It is a beautiful thing to see the courtesy between Kano Royalty and Lagos Royalty. Peace is in deed possible and desirable.
Why do you keep agitating for the opposite? We are in this country together and can choose to make the best of it. Try to see some good in peaceful friendly news.

I am Yoruba and your statement does not hold true for me and my people. We are Nigerians and you can be one too if you choose. And no insult received from your statement too.

OnyeEgo1: excuse me sir.. The Gospel of christ is self sufficient and i stand to say with all authority it does not need one single passage or rather line from the quaran to prove it... Otherwise God was wrong when he said ''This is my only begotten son which is christ!!''.. God's love was salvation of mankind ryt? Then he showed dat love in only ONE person in the bible.... Nobody again could have given his life for salvation except Jesus christ.

Do you know the meaning of 'begotten"?
If you do, why reduce your "god" to the level of man?
Jesus (pbuh) was borne of a Virgin Mary (AS) who was a believing woman, God said "Be" and He was.
The fact that the recorders could not understand it and decided to make God the "biological father" of Jesus, does not make it right.
It is an assertion that could surely rent the earth asunder.

Some of the more recent bible revisions have taken the word begotten out.

fortran12: God is not a magician, and also not a genie that can grant all wishes.
The life of a living creature is found in it's blood. Blood represents life. When a life was taken, and it's blood shed as a sacrifice, it represented new life for another. It made atonement for their soul (same verse), that is why without the shedding of blood there is no remission of sin.
The blood of animals are not it any more cos they just cover the sins, but Jesus blood cleans the sins cos in this case, the sacrifice is greater than the sin.

where exactly did God say this? book, chapter, verse?, please?

Rilwayne001:

15 moniker

Seun Osewa are you sleeping

SMDH

@logicboy oh sorry abdulsleek, abi na macddady oooooh logic007 Ur case is very similar to a sick person not seeking for a cure cos he doesnt believe he's sick but enjoys calling others sick. Allah's healing hand will be on you and you will be healed of your malady and be made whole.

Amin. I actually feel sorry for him. He cannot possibly experience peace in his heart with the way he is now.

RevDesmondJuju: First he was like...
https://informationng.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/el_rufai_on_presido.png

then he was like...

[img]http://3.bp..com/-Cjq1Hq2UnrM/U9dSiG9d1YI/AAAAAAABCug/FMJs7lS5d3Y/s1600/Capture.PNG[/img]


looooooooooooooooool

What kind of a person thinks that it is funny when someone loses his child?? wow!

Ovacoma: Why do we even need to defend a 'religion of peace'? For instance, if a cloth is really white, no one with good eyesight will argue that it is not white. Jesus asks in John 8: 46, which of you convinceth me of sin? Judas called Jesus innocent in Matthew 27:4, Pilate refers to Jesus as innocent in verse 24, jewish people could not point to one sin in Jesus life, people blaspheme Jesus (not Isa) today and Jesus followers dont start riot. Can d same b said of d profet and his followers?

Not defending Islam, but pointing out the inaccuracies of what the poster posted. If good people stand by and do nothing, bad people can really cause destruction. Better to be quiet than tell a lie.

winner01: lol, I just saw the female sign on ur username,...I was about to label you a violent muslim,,,but ur still violent though.....d oda guy I spoke with is calm headed has reasoned with the sura's I posted even though pride and public rejections might not make him accept it.......you did not tell me what Jesus abhorred, what is it that Jesus abhorred?.......ill teach ur alfa's their religion....you don't know much do you, I can guess your age from your write ups,.....you need to check up the meaning of "murderer"....he might have poisoned someone as allah has commanded him to follow sharia law regarding apostasy.....but the true God (YAHWEH) has saved her just as he saved the sudanese apostasy woman......And girl, your family is not perfectly fine, if it were you would have been taught how to handle and answer tough questions and confrontations, but its unfortunate that those wer meant to do that have neglected their responsibilities and have opted to be decieved.......I gave u several verses from the quran, and you called it lies......you can choose to shy away from the truth, no one has been able to explain the deceptions in islam to me either......go to hell!!!




I hope you won't take that as an offence, moreover its allah and mohammed s wish for muslims

I am soooo sorry. I must have overrated you. FYI, Allah is Yahweh's name. The name He called himself. But to prevent further arguing, could you tell me what Arab Christians call "Yahweh".
Name calling does me nothing.

I still firmly believe that you are a liar. Did your dear uncle get the penalty for murdering/poisoning his family or did he go scot free Did you witness the event?? In your heart, you know that you lie. Did he, your dear uncle, tell you that Allah commanded him to kill his own family?? The world has gone past these childish attempts to smear Islam

I posted a thread a few years ago asking our members here that how many of them would support their undergraduate /graduate daughter if she decides to start covering her hair/wearing hijab? I can tell you the responses were not encouraging.

I salute your courage and I also understand why some muslims may be wary of the head covering/hijab. When we fear the creature more than the Creator, we begin to compromise. Our men are not as supportive as they should be for multiple reasons. The only and best reason for a muslimah to cover her hair/modesty is because Allah commands it. That is the most rewarded one.

May Allah ease our paths

[quote author=rahma2husna][/quote]

I am sure you mean well but better language next time. Make we no fight. Everything is gradual. May Allah make it easy for us all, Amin.

XketchDesigns: Of course it is.

What you admitted in the original post, part I tried to bold. Did you even read my post at all?

winner01: oh so you know the truth, then you would know the only truth is Jesus...or as usual, uv chosen to ignore the part that talks about Jesus being the truth. John 14: 5 Thomas said to Him,
"Lord, we do not know
where You are going,
how do we know the
way?" 6 Jesus said to
him, "I am the way,
and the TRUTH, and the
life; no one comes to
the Father but through
Me. 7 "If you had
known Me, you
have known My Father
also; from now on you
know Him, and have
seen Him."…...........You will remain in bondage if you don't know this truth,....or you want me to believe the "truth" that I must go to hell before making heaven shey and later be saved by a mark on my forehead,...........I doubt you knoe that Being a muslim is enough to qualify you as a candidate of
hell.!!!
Surah19:71 - there is not one of you who will not go down to
the it,thats i settled and decided by thy lord.Then we wil save
those who fear us but we will leave the evildoers therein on
their knees..
As a muslim if u dont believe this, you re a counterfeit.
Now this surah is saying the billions of muslims who have
died millions of years ago re in hell, those who will die
before judgment comes will go to hell.
And after they have burnt in hell for millions of years, allah
will come and save them, their mark of prostration will be
their saving grace(some scholars have been known to burn
their own foreheads or scrape it on a wall so they can get the
mark . They will redeem themselves with their own works
when christians have been redeemed by the blood of the
lamb.
Now Luke16:26 says its not even possible to go from heaven
to hell.!!! What will be their fate?
This is allah's plan of salvation for his followers. Is this a
viable plan? When Jesus already redeemed us nd we dont ve
to go to hell at all if we believe the TRUTH and be conformed to righteousness.
this is all he has to offer muslims nd
some houris nd virgins(we ll come back to that later).........if ur family is not dysfunctional and demented, give ur 8 year old sister in marriage to an alhaji old enough to be your fathers age mate just as permitted by allah....or choose to neglect that one too as a moderate muslim......I doubt you are as sound in islam as I am,,,,,don't worry, I know how you feel, I've been down der and now my eyes are open.

You still remain a LIAR. Even Jesus (AS) totally abhorred this! Go back o Sunday school and learn the basics- Thou shalt not LIE.
My family is perfectly fine because unlike you, I have both muslims and Christians and none of my "dear" uncles is a murderer. So go get yourself checked.

You don't have to spin lies to pass your message across. Stop telling lies, then come back for a more mature discussion.

Aigbofa: The question is why are the Americans reluctant to sell arms to us? It is simplistic to just say because we are black. Given the fact that the U.S is a friendly nation to Nigeria.

America should sell arms to GEJ to give to Ay bling to funnel to BH to kill northerners, abi??

winner01: ok, you expect a lady to report to the authorities that she has been raped, when she must bring 4 witnesses to a court (try this in Nigeria and guys will rape in mass)..cos they don't report does not mean it does not happen.....sharia allows me to hit my wife and she dares not report it ..sharia allows me to divorce my wife easily and also have sex with slaves,... u really need to open your eyes.....you speak of saudi arabia, why not speak of other islamic countries..you speak of saudi arabia where freedom of religion is suppressed, women dare not drive, people dare not convert from islam, etc, thank God the bible says do not despise (hate), it didn't say chop off their hands or toungues....,and you call your god the all forgiving and all merciful.,u really need to find out the meaning of the word mercy.....you speak of muslim countries, have you ever heard any country call herself a christian country (the love and peace associated with christianity allows us to live freely with unbelievers with the hope of leading them to heaven but for you its "unto me my religion and unto you is yours" meaning that those who are not "fortunate" to be born into islam are already doomed abi) and that is love shey?. You better sit down and think and also find out the meaning of the word compulsion ..cos islam is compelling..their followers dare not do some certain things or they'll face the consequences on earth by their fellow men not their god (I notice that you take actions for your god)..one of the problems Nigeria has today is that some devils brought religion into government( sharia in the north)...I wonder how ull feel if babalawo's passed their ritualistic and barbaric laws into govt. In the southwest.......- I have several muslims as family members and they know the truth...but its hard to admit....an uncle very dear to me poisoned his sister simple because she married a christian....I bet ur father might kill you too if you expose some heresies in islam.

Are you just a liar OR you come from a very dysfunctional family?? Your "dear uncle" is a murderer?
Your family that are muslims "know the truth". Of course they do, otherwise, they would have followed the glitter that is Christianity and be lost forever. Or do you want to disagree with the biblical verse which says "the truth shall set you free".?

Sagamite: He does not have to do anything now.

What he expects them to do is:

- Meet once in the next one month and develop the plan in that first meeting.

- Use the next month after that to meet other stakeholders and gather the resources to implement the plan.

- Use the next two months after the coordination month to buy/build/rent the assets and infrastructure the new companies would use.

- Since an average company (even in the developed West) hires less than 30 people, then they would have to use the 5th to 8th month to set up at least 100,000 companies. Or about 50,000 companies and 1.5m menial workers or self-employed

- From the 9th to the 12th month, these companies would ALL be running successfully and have reached their peak to hire 3 million people since Nigerians are well-educate Oxbridge experts.

All these are realistic and possible since we have a lot of Pastors, Imams and prayer warriors in Nigeria.

This is what happens when you have a person without achievements and who has never ran anything successfully being your President!

An example of Blackteeth's genius!

GEJ till we perish!

Magician GEJ! Abracadabraaaa!!

She should just speak pidgin. Abeg!

May Allah forgive the muslims who lost their lives. May He grant this father courage and more Iman to bear the loss. This country, Nigeria, has really gone to the dogs. How could you arrest people alive, then summarily murder them? This is just totally shameful and if GEJ fails to address this and bring the culprits to book, Nigeria has a horror/scary thing coming.

@Aisha

Your heart is in the right place. As long as you keep learning the Truth and identifying actions of Muslims that are in contrast to Islamic injuctions, you will attain salaam/Islam in sha Allah.

If we say non muslims should not judge Islam by the actions of a few, then we as muslims must also tease out what is truly Islamic from what so and so muslim did. May Allah expand our understanding. AMIN.

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