₦airaland Forum

For those of you saying it's not a big deal, it's definitely a big deal.
How could you imagine a foreigner from a country far better than yours going to those stinking orientation camps and taking part in this waste of human energy called NYSC?

I thought this promo thing has been banned, but I got the following text from MTN now which probably shows that the ban might just be a RESET to step 1 of the previous order of things.


<It's the Season of Giving! Play the Xmas Trivia and get a chance to win a Nokia Lumina 820 Windows Smartphone! Reply XMAS to 33114. Costs N30/SMS.>



From STEP 1 of winning a smartphone it proceeds to STEP 2 of winning an iPad.
From winning an iPad it advances to STEP 3 of winning N500,000 worth of airtime with cash option.
Then to STEP 4 of winning a free trip to Paris.
STEP 5 is winning a plot of land in Abuja.
STEP 6 gives you the chance to win 50,000 liters of fuel with cash option.
STEP 7 comes with a reward of a mansion in lekki.
STEP 8 announces an offshore oil block up for grabs.
STEP 9 is left for your imagination.
The transition from STEP 1 to 8 will happen gradually over a period of 6 years. By then NCC must have forgotten the orders it gave previously.

LETS WATCH THE GRADUAL RESURRECTION OF MTN PROMOS.

HQ: And this "Back to the Shop Floor" thingy is supposed to do what exactly to the Customer?

_{On a second thought, at least Mr. Rotimi there had a chance to inquire on the "Win an Aeroplane" scam.}

No mind Mr. Rotimi. The "heavenly feeling" of talking with a white man/CEO blew his brains away.

I guess the posters who watched the video are not in Nigeria. How many Nigerians can watch a YouTube video of 2 hrs 30 mins with cost of data bundles we have down here.
Please compress the video to 6MB.
Thanks.

Repent!!! Signs of endtime!

Maybe I must have missed the news that prompted the increased presence of soldiers on the streets these days.
I see too many soldiers nowadays on the highway and on the streets in every southern state I visit. What lead to this? What was the decision taken? If I was in the north, I would have understood.

Humor Essay By Matt Negrin:


This is not the way Mitt Romney wanted to walk into the White House, but at least he gets a free lunch out of it. President Obama is treating the former presidential candidate to a midday meal in his private dining room today, and absolutely no press will be allowed, because that would just be too much fun.

So we're left to imagine what the onetime nemeses will discuss while munching on whatever they're munching on. While we're at it, here's the screenplay.

12:30 p.m. The Oval Office.

Jack Lew: Sir, Governor Romney is here.

Barack Obama: Who?

Lew: Mitt Romney. You're having lunch with him today.

Obama: What? Why? Who scheduled that?

Lew: You did, Mr. President. In your victory speech. Reaching out, etcetera. Jay Carney told the press you are really looking forward to it.

Obama: But I'm so busy. The Middle East, Susan Rice, the fiscal cliff -

Lew: The fiscal cliff, sir?

Obama: OK, that one wasn't a real excuse, but the other two count.

Lew: Should I tell Governor Romney to try again tomorrow?

Obama: Yeah. Wait - that would look bad. No, tell him to wait in the private dining room until I get there. I need to finish this Words With Friends game with Hillary. What the hell am I supposed to do with five vowels?



1:15 p.m. The Private Dining Room.

Obama: Mitt! Sorry to keep you for so long. You know, this fiscal cliff thing.

Mitt Romney: Mr. President, of course, I understand. Nice to see you. (Offers hand to shake.)

Obama: Uhh, hah, sure. (Shakes hand.)

Romney: Something wrong?

Obama: It's just that you were kind of a jerk during the whole campaign, and now you're being all nice.

Romney: Well, you know, politics is politics. So what's for lunch?

Obama: Hm? Oh, right. What do you want? What do they eat up in Massachusetts? Or Michigan, is that your home state? I always forget. Doesn't matter - I won them both.

Romney: (Sighs.)

Obama: Mitt! I'm kidding. But I did.

Romney: I've heard a lot about the cheeseburgers here. What do you say?

Obama: Grade A beef - 47 percent fat!

Romney: I - OK, I deserved that one.

Obama: I'll order it now. Consider it my gift to you.

Romney: OK, that's enough.

Obama: In all seriousness though, Mitt - can I call you Mitt? - I'm going to need some help in my second term winning over Republicans. And I could use a smart guy like you in my Cabinet.

Romney: Are you serious?

Obama: No! My god, it's like playing peek-a-boo with an infant.

Romney: I - well, I'm busy anyway.

Obama: Oh yeah? Building more car elevators? No wait I have a better one - training more dancing horses to lose in the Olympics?

Romney: Hey, about those burgers, do you need to order them, or, how does that work?

Obama: They're on the way. This room is wiretapped. They heard us.

Romney: That's kind of alarming.

Obama: Yeah, well, you can't really trust anyone these days. Look at David Petraeus. I can't believe I didn't see that coming. Did you know that not a month ago he was in this very room with Paula Broadwell? In the very chair you're sitting in now!

Romney: What?! (Shifts uncomfortably in seat.)

Obama: Anyway. Enough about that. Let's talk business - do you and Paul Ryan have any good ideas for this fiscal cliff thing?

Romney: Actually, yes. Did you know that all the income tax -

Obama: Booooring. Hey did you know that I won the Powerball jackpot last night?

Romney: Really?

Obama: Yeah. But I'm not gonna tell anyone. Probably won't even cash the ticket.

Romney: Why not?

Obama: Because I'm the president! I don't need money! I have everything!

(A staff member walks in carrying two silver plates with cheeseburgers and fries.)

Obama: Thank you Arne Duncan!

Duncan: Yes, sir.

Obama: Off with you now!

Duncan: Yes, sir.

Obama: How's your burger, governor?

Romney: It's actually very good - hey, why is it in the shape of Big Bird?

Obama: Ha! I thought you would like that.

(Obama's phone buzzes.)

Obama: Excuse me, one second.

Romney: Of course. I understand the responsibilities of the president.

(Looks at phone for a minute, then looks up.)

Obama: Say, do you know a seven-letter word with four A's in it?

I think guys are hypocrites. They say girls love bad guys, but I think most guys probably love bad girls as girlfriends too.
Using myself as an example, I must confess I love bad girls as girlfriends cos I feel they make the relationship so adventurous. But when it comes to wife matters, it becomes time to look for the virgin Marys.
Guys are you hypocrites or not? Your replies will tell the truth.

We are familiar with slogans such as :

NOKIA
Connecting people.

MTN
Everywhere you go.

GLO
Rule your world.

LG
Life is good.

So if you are to suggest a slogan for Nairaland what would you say?
For instance, most posters seem to be scared of creating threads by having 5000 posts and 5 topics to avoid being lynched for starting a "stupid" topic. So a slogan can be:

NAIRALAND
Take the lead if you dare.


In another case some posters are so addicted to Nairaland that it begins to affect their lives, just like the lady who complained that her husband is addicted to Nairaland. We can have something like:

NAIRALAND
Wife calls, life falls.


Tribalism on Nairaland has been around since inception. It shows how divided we are. But inspite of this, Nairaland still stands strong and even generates more traffic from tribalism. So let us say:

NAIRALAND
Divided we stand, united we fall.


So many posters are heavily present on Nairaland. They reply every topic here. Probably the letters on their keyboards are now washed. Lets use the slogan:

NAIRALAND
Where is your keyboard?


Nairaland is a place where it is a criminal offence to display your garri in public or you face the consequences. So a slogan would be:

NAIRALAND
Take your soup without garri.


Internet bundles are not cheap in Nigeria. And these days many picture threads, youtubes and some crazy topics make FrontPage. After you click them all, your data bundle decreases by 30%. So a slogan would be:

NAIRALAND
Check your data bundle.


Many posters type and post whatever they wish forgetting that the omnipresent gods of Nairaland are watching. We can say:

NAIRALAND
Hide your post, or your post hides you.

234GT: Religious centers cannont change nigeria. They are actually one nigeria's problems, especially churches. I am a christian, so dont think I am attacking christianity. A lot of churches preach concepts that make their members look for money at all cost. I listen to islamic sermons on radio too, and I must confess that, while they are not 100% good, they are fairly better than christian sermons.

The point am trying to make is that if these churches and mosques start preaching the right thing they would probably make a difference in Nigeria's situation. Our leaders and the future leaders go to churches and mosques and that's an opportunity to talk sense to their heads. But the message the imams, pastors and priests disseminate will never be on target.

If Nigeria is bad because our leaders are bad then it means the masses are bad because the bad leaders came from the bad masses.
If we must have good leaders it means the masses should be made good first. Then good leaders will emerge from the good masses afterwards.
The churches and mosques has the bulk of the responsibility to influence the masses to be good. But it seems they are not passing the right message across. We can image the 95% of Nigerian listening ears that the churches and mosques controls. Why is this not an opportunity to send the right message across to influence the masses for good from which good leaders will emerge from?

It seems there's a nairaland page that contains all the usernames of all the ladies on nairaland. So incase you are searching for nairaland ladies by usernames, you can click the link below and look below the page:

https://www.nairaland.com/190-the-clown

It would have been better if the muslims and christians were mixed in both teams rather than making it muslims vs christians so that any team that wins will be a victory for both.

sexkillz: [color=#000030]Brains are really scarce. . .
[/color]

Brains are available everywhere. It is the content that is scarce.

They say ladies love bad guys, but if I cheat on a lady she gets angry.
They say ladies love bad guys, but if I smoke lots of weed and take bottles of alchol she gets pissed.
They say ladies love bad guys, but if I beat her up for no just cause she gets angry.
The say ladies love bad guys, but if I engage in frequent public street fights she calls me a tout and gets pissed.

So what kind of bad guys do "some" ladies like? Do they mean bad guys that can rob N10 million and splash it on them? Lets be specific.

Since doctors are experts on issues concerning the human body, am wondering how female doctors keep their pregnancy and how healthy their babies will turn out to be when compared with females who aint doctors.
As doctors they should be able to properly communicate with the unborn baby in the womb to know exactly what foods, drugs, temperature, posture and massage the baby needs at any point in time.
So considering all that, do female doctors deliver better bouncing baby boys/girls who would grow up to be smarter and healthier compared to other kids from non-doctor mums?

The last time I checked anything in bulk purchase is usually cheaper e.g bag of garri, browsing, carton of goods etc. I hope you guys in support of this silly idea will realize this. DSTV will be happy to hear this cos they are about hitting a jackpot.

talina: Better ways are addressing poverty.
Better ways are making a more responsible and functional government!
I dont agree with this reversable steralization thing. It shouldnt happen to begin with.
People everywhere need family in a reasonably stable and functional society.
Maybe give incentive to having a smaller family but also the government must make comprimise and support.
IMO

This thing is optional. It wouldnt be forced on anyone's throat. Not everyone is really interested in having a family. There are some who dont care. But they still reproduce in the process of trying to satisfy urges. They wouldnt go for sterilization cos there is no benefit for them.

Like I said before, since the government is reluctant to tackle the nation's problem, why dont we have a population decline? Why should government be ineffective and the population is kept high and keeps increasing? Something has to give way.

What if Nigerians are given financial incentives to go for optional reproductive sterilization would it work to tame down the population and reap its benefits? I think the population of Nigeria is also responsible for making the country so development resistant. Since the government can't carry everyone along and doesnt want to perform why not reduce the burden on their shoulders? If the population of Nigeria was 70% less there would definitely be a better condition with or without government performance.

1. unemployed graduates will reduce,
2. it would be easier to educate the masses
3. infrastructures like roads will last much longer due to lighter use.
4. The traffic congestion will disappear and the air would be cleaner.
5. Corrupt politicans will be less.
6. Security challenges will be lighter.
7. Crime rate will be less.
8. Competition for space and survival will be less.
9. Poverty would be less.

Am sure there are at least 1 million Nigerians who are very determined and interested to change the country for good. These determined Nigerians can work together to reach out to every Nigerian by establishing meeting centers in every street corner of the nation to regularly preach good politics and remind every Nigerian that the nation is sinking deeper and needs urgent salvation. It is not something that should be done on nairaland cos nairaland is only 3% of the population or less. This will go a long way to inspire and charge at least 80% of Nigerians to work towards saving Nigeria from hell. With the support of the many fired up Nigerians, a political party of the well-meaning and determined Nigerians can be established afterwards with the aim of taking the country from the grip of the rouges we call leaders and bringing them to justice. Every Nigerian plus foreign sympathizers who supports and wants to see a changed Nigeria will provide the financial capacity to dislodge our incompetent and corrupt leaders out of power.
Is this diffcult for determined Nigerians to achieve?

Ejiné: I can't remember any lady around me who picked T-Bag over Scofield in Prison Break.

T-bag wasnt handsome.

Who says phd holders MUST be employed in a rocket manufacturing laboratory? The problem is that Nigerians are too obsessed with status and class and this has made graduates to restrict themselves to classy white collar jobs. In developed countries you will easily find phd truck drivers, fishermen etc just for the love of it, and its not a big deal over there. So why should an under-developed country like Nigeria have graduates who all want to work as rocket scientists when there are no laboratories? If a phd holder becomes a truck driver today, is that the end of his life? Cant he become the founder and chairman of a multinational truck manufacturing company tomorrow?

The title of this topic shows that english is not a perfectly built language. You can also understand the title as Nigerian citizens oppressing Chinese employees. To solve this problem the title should read: "China warns HER citizens in Nigeria against maltreating Nigerian employees"

Are there ladies on Nairaland at all? Even in a feminine topic guys still dominate.

Most times your USB modem or phone shows the 3G sign but the speed you get from it is about 100kb/s, which is in the range of GPRS speed. So why do our networks fix the 3G sign in our devices when it is actually GPRS?

kay dibs: You shouldn't compare. America is wayyyy older than Nigeria. Its an un fair comparison. Still doesn't mean Ngr isn't trash tho

Nigerians were there 500 years before the british came. Only difference was we were not called Nigeria

Can we stop all these US-Nigeria comparisons for once?

Seems everyone is so into the US election that no one cares about the upcoming change of leadership in china; the world's newest global power. The current president Hu jintao is expected to hand over to Xi jinping. Elections are not done in China like in the US cos they do things their own style.
Anyway, this news may not change the price of garri, but it can change the price of laptops, mobile phones, cars, clothing down to your writing pen and toothbrush. So you guys should monitor it as well.

People from villages migrate to the city and not the other way round. By the time ''batch A'' of ignorant village migrants learn the traffic laws, ''batch B'' migrants will troop in. Thats why the traffic laws seem not to be obeyed.

acidosis™:
I ignored the app the last time I saw it... the name doesn't make sense to me..
what the bl**p is android messenger

lol. Something to console the blackerry users after they must have switched to droid.

If you got a third class and you are a guy, you just need to start shaving with gillette. lol

Did anyone see the part that says they have been dating since their university days? Thats a solid relationship.