₦airaland Forum

Mynd44:
What if the trousers are made of ankara, does that make it any less an abonination?

Lets ask these questions and see that a lot of this traditions are just used to target women and pull them down

How does not wearing trousers to a traditional gathering pull a woman down?

If she is so concerned and must wear trousers, why doesn't she come with a change of cloth or ignore the meetings altogether.

I am all for women's rights however, let's not add stupidity to it.

A woman who can't obey simple rules might not be fit to be allowed 'freedom' in the first place

crackhaus:
That is the point.

It's not by force to attend a meeting whose rules one does not like.

I honestly don't understand how I will carry my two left legs from my house on a hot Sunday to a meeting I am not ready to abide to their rules. And the next day is Monday?

They even told her to pray when she knew that women don't pray in the gathering of men/ elderly men and she stood up to pray? It did not occur to her that they were sarcastic and telling her that her dressing was inappropriate?

When they saw she wasn't discerning and told her to stop the prayers, she actually waited till everyone walked out before she stopped?

The woman is not wise.

Honesty007:
Deuteronomy 22:5 .i support the ohaneze on their walking out on her.if traditional rulers are obeying the biblical directive of not wearing trousers where pastors have failed,then christians must be careful.women must not allow their emotion to lead them to hell.God is no respecter of persons.

Check my answer to Dj84

[quote author=Dj84 post=65569747][/quote]The same verse tells you not to mix clothing e.g.suits, plant different crops on the same plot or build a balcony.

I hope you don't do any of the above.

The King sounds wise and accommodating.

Lol! at they should mix it with the language they know.

Great sense of humour too.

Mynd44:
So they didn't see the trousers before they nominated her to pray?

Which is the part I don't understand.

Again, the nomination might have been sarcastic and they expected the Mrs. to know they did not approve of her dressing. Our parents do it all the time with 'Oya put it on my head', 'come and eat my hand' etc. I am sure only a foolish child would literally do those things.

Afterall, nobody seemed to care till it was time to pray and I doubt it was at prayer time that it dawned on them that she was wearing trousers.

She should have stopped praying immediately they told her to. They nominated her and decided to withdraw it. Praying wasn't her right or duty.

I understand the 'abomination' committed by wearing trousers....

I don't understand the 'abomination' of praying.

Were they riled that

1. She Wore trousers?.... Against their customs

2. Prayed in a gathering of men? ..... She was nominated

3. Praying in trousers?

I will say the woman knew the customs and should have abided or moved on.

Kentrasso:
Wow. When I read things like this I secretly admire this friend that walked out on her fiancé a month to their wedding. I mean, guys shouldn’t be the only one to inflict pain. This lady had another guy that truly loved her and cared. But this one was pushing and pushing for them to get married. So she said yes. Even allowed him come to see her parents. Spent so much and less than a month to the wedding, Fiam! She said she’s not doing again. See shame. The guy had to resign from his workplace because the shame was too much. Everyone was expecting him to bring wife home.
The funny thing is that the family of the girl now knows of the guy she’s always been in love with and they have forgotten the first guy. Toor. As people here have been saying, She can do whatever she wants. There are plenty fishes in the river. What’s good for the goose is also good for the gander.

You think it is OK your friend left a guy (who has not hurt her in any way) one month to their wedding for someone she 'loves' because of this story?

Where is your humanity?

Why I would always advocate woman on woman mentoring.

A man couldn't give that advise.

Proudgorgeousga:
sharap there and look around you.

which housemaids? the ones that are underpaid because both the husband and wife can barely survive above minimum wage or the ones that indulge in child labour because the husband's Ego is too much to do housework and change napkin.

also see the number of monikers saying she should know that is how things are supposed to be.


the other day na one corper dey praise him mama how she sold fish to send him to school im sure she was probably doing all the emotional Labour and house work alone too.

kai if I have to marry one of these misogynistic Nigerian men he better be rich.

The worst thing that can happen to any woman is to marry a broke, misogynistic man that thinks household duties is for women alone.

@Bold:

On the flip side, that's why mothers will be always praised than fathers and I laugh when peeps start whinning.

DonPiiko:
I can't marry a broke lady with nothing to her name as a personal policy, so u will be a disadvantage to me. That's my summary

Funny you.

If she is a liability to you financially, you are a liability to her domestically except you do chores with her.

Safiaaa:
But upon providing this you still complain and ask the women to assist you and help you to doyour job. You slightly manage to cover the needs financially but are you covering her wants? Do you make life comfortable for your wife financially without complaints? But in return you expect the house to be spotless,food always ready kids taken care of and still want her to contribute money to house. It’s too much pressure for wife, whilst you’re not even performing your job as the provider to your full capacity. I don’t believe in “ we’ll help each other out in everything” nonsense, because in the end, the woman always takes up more. Understand your role, everybody will be happy

Insightful.

erico2k2:
In Nigeria women pay 50/50 ? ?
4 real ? ?
Man pays
Rent
Electric bill
Gas bill
School fees .
Provide feeding money
.the vast majority of Nigerian homes function like this.

Dreams come true.

PietraK:
Archaic?

Open your mind to the future. There will be a future where population grows and there won't be jobs for 90% of the population.

God did not create men after women equal. Nature did not make men and women equal. We were built to work and provide for the home both physically and emotionally.

Women were built physically and emotionally to take care of the children and home.

If you can't live with it, kill yourself. Archaic or not, you can't cheat nature or rebuilt women.

The ego, the strength and everything masculine makes men providers. Women should learn their place and joy in it.

Consider the solution in my post (employment and salary percentage going to wives)

In fact, what is the difference between "help meet" and house maid? Only sex.

Whatever you want to call it... Women were created to help with taking care of the home and raising children. Simple.

Lol! @ bold.

I would say men and women are different not 'unequal'

Chari4:
This is the most archaic mentality. You want to outlaw female employment? Are you normal? After you ll come and be talking about racism when you cannot even treat your fellow human as equals. God created women as "help meet" get it right not your maid besides how many men can fully support their homes based on their salary, we work together to make the home work. If you need a slave master relationship get a maid.

While you sound so hip in theory, the person you quoted understand married life and the OP better and offers an average woman a better option.

Running the home + full time work is killing that's why most wives look stressed and miserable than their husbands.

PietraK:
God did not create women to be providers or bread winners.

Women were made to support men by cooking their foods and taking care of the home.

The man is responsible for feeding his wife and children and as well provide shelter. His wife in turn rewards him with her duty in keeping the home homely and sex.

If women can identify themselves and appreciate their strength, they will have it easier.

Women get mad when men objectify them as sex beings. They are supposed to embrace their uniqueness and follow nature's plan but they want to be the same with men.

They want to work and be independent. Who will breast feed your infants and cook for your children when you are out doing the man's work of providing for the family.

In fact, I will outlaw female employment in Nigeria if I get to rule the country. Men would work, be forced to be responsible and provide for their family. Enact a law that ensures 70% of men's salaries go to home management which the wife will oversee.

I will make a law that will ensure men get married before being employed to avoid men avoiding marriages and leaving women stranded.

This will make the world a better place.

Women want to work, no wahala... If you can combine the work with your responsibilities at home no wahala.

You refreshingly understand the OP's point.

Your post is a very good solution however, where do you leave the ambition of women?

Except you go further to discourage tertiary education for women. A women once opined general studies not as tedious and structured as tertiary education.

Your suggestion also means that men must learn to treat their wives right else we go full circle.

RoyalBlak007:
This Man drives hours in the drought to provide water

[color=#F5A215]to thirsty wild animals in Kenya.. [/color]

Thank God for this black.

Lovely dresses.

toluxe0075:
I totally agree with you. Creativity like this makes me doubt we Africans have the same brain as oyinbo people. Call it inferiority complex, I don't care.

Lol!

Chai!

How many meals one day?

Imagine trying this with our staple foods.

Na die be that.

Happy birthday sir.

God bless you.

AntiBrutus:
Scratch all that.

They are smart enough to put their sanity first.
They don't wanna go through the emotional and psychological trauma women with cheating partners have to go through.

So, they save themselves the trauma by cutting her off.

Did you for a minute think women don't consider those things you listed up there?

Thanks for typing for me.

Let cheating husbands marry cheating wives and leave the remaining sane peeps alone.

crackhaus:
Your last paragraph is the crux of that post. Everything else above that? Well....

Konga

davour:
Bro I can really relate your story to my cousin, he couldn't handle d pressure anymore then he ran to my house and stayed for one week, I had to take a week sick leave .. All we did was to bring beer, make noise, play ps3 and bet9ja

Poor him.

Did he/ anyone else let the wife know this?

tunjilana:
even when she does my money is my money and your money is our money from the earnings of the so called work she is working ?

Yes.

In a traditional marriage, a husband brings the resources aka money while the wife brings the time aka doing things to keep the home that's why most things men do in the home requires money while most things women do requires time.

Actually, you are either spending time or money in this life.

Back on course, when a wife works full time, she doesn't have the time to do 'her duties' hence the added stress. Afterall, if I am a housewife, what is cooking, cleaning and running the home? I can decide to sleep/watch movies/ visit friends/etc for 3 days and use the remaining 4 days to do all I need to do in the home....

However, if I work say 8am - 5pm, leave home 6am to beat traffic and get home by 8:00pm, I have in reality spent 6am - 8pm outside (14hrs out of 24hrs) outside the home which I cannot use to do anything at home because I am not there. Also remember that as you are fagged out after a long day, I am also fagged out.

If I get home and start making dinner or doing something else or my weekends when I should rest for the next week, I am carrying much more burden. And in reality, most wives do not do me & my husband alone because the husband is not capable to finance the home alone and they want to 'contribute to the home'.

Irrespective of the model, a working wife does much more hence a number of people advocate wives should stay at home or they get helps.

KevinDein understands this.

Intrepid01:
Yea true....but the Nigerian definition of Feminism is the ability of a lady to initiate confrontation, exhibit over-confidence and show huge disrespect on every subject matter of discourse with a Man....just for self satisfaction, thinking antagonism is tantamount to Independence.

I know for years Men have lauded it over Women, as the Head of the House....but going overboard in a bit to correct the wrong notion isn't the way forward.

The truth is Men too do many things at home that are always over looked....but in the end I pray we all end up with people we share similar views on home management with...cos at that time the size of the boobs n yansh or size of the dick n pack of muscles won't matter anylonger....it will be a world of open realities...

I agree with you.

KevinDein:
TBH, based on the stories I hear from my female colleagues, with regards to their contributions to the "home", I think we men, especially in "modern" Africa where women take part in the corporate lifestyle in addition to their domestic roles, are getting the better end of the deal. I won't swap our "stress" with theirs,

It's tough for some of these ladies, guys.

(and I hate taking sides with women on nairaland)

Thank you for your honesty.

I see some of my male colleagues more open to helps cos they see that both men & women work same and women are still expected to keep the home.

They also know that they are having it better.

ijebuloaded:
Usually, I make up short posts about Entrepreneurship, Start-ups, Finance, Capital and that line of stuff. But I decided to put this up. Been a while I wrote a story or an article. I chose this topic because it's been on my mind. Enjoy. Share, dont copy.

I read alot of these 'Wife Not Maid", "Sharing House Chores With Wifey" posts on social media, and I think it is belittling of the role of the Man. Infact it is so uncalled for. I am an African man, I am the man of the house. If I decide to watch TV while you are making Amala, 'excuse you', better get used to it on time.

Top management at organizations do the least physical activities, but they do the most brain tasking and intellectual work. Same with all leaders, same with all husbands! Besides, who says men don't do house chores? In fact, we are stressed out, we feel over used, you wives make us feel like house boys in our own home (yet you will only give us 2 pieces of meat).

Read this scenario. Lagos couple wakes 4:30 on a weekday. Husband goes to start the generator, the metal cocoon doesn't come on. Still dizzy, Hubby gets down and fixes it, doing the job of a 'Gen repairer'. Wife calls out, 'Honey, I forgot to tell you last night that my car tire is flat, please help me replace it'. Honey goes to the car like a robot and does a "Vulcanizer's" job. While he is shaving, he notices the toilet washing hand basin has a leaking pipe, he gets down to it, and does a "plumber's" job.

Wife calls out while slicing onions, "Boo-boo, this onion thing is entering my eyes, come help me, sweets". Mr Boo-boo rushes over, and does the job of a "Mai-Suya". Wife complains, 'The knife is not sharp sef, help me file it once and for all', and so husband files the knife, doing the job of a 'Kponbe'. So Boo-boo and wife are ready to leave the house, and wife's car does'nt start, the battery is flat, it needs to be jump started! Wife cries out, hitting the steering wheel repeatedly, 'Baby, I hate this car, I so hate it, I am going crazy'. Husband in his nature doesn't complain, he goes over to her car to fix it, isn't that his job? Mr fixer! He rolls his sleeves, gets his strong arms to work, does the magic like the Hero he is. He just did the job of a 'Mechanic'.

Boo-boo is at an important meeting, trying his best to impress top management so he can get that promotion he hinted 'Wifey' about. With the promotion, he'd earn better, afford to change his wife's car and buy that land at Mowe. His phone rings during his presentation, his wife is calling. He ignores. He sees 17 missed calls from 'My World' the next time he checks. This may be a life and death matter, so to the surprise of his supervisor, he excuses himself and dashes out of the meeting. 'What is the matter dear?' he calls wife back.

'Baby, you need to be here right now. I have been insulted, harassed and I am loosing it', wife cries out to her man. 'Relax dear, what exactly is going on? Where are you?' husband enquires. 'While I was going to deliver a cake to a client at Costain, as I got to the traffic light at Surulere Stadium, I obeyed the sign and stopped. This unfortunate Danfo guy coming behind did not do same, instead the idiot ran into my car, the whole booth is so dented. He is neither remorseful nor apologetic. He is an ally of the Policemen around here, so they are supporting him, imagine o. Come oh, because I dont know what to do', wifey pours heart out.

11:47am. Boo-boo signs out at the receptionist desk, drives from his office at Chisco (Lekki) to meet wifey who is pulling one Agbero by the trouser at Surulere Stadium. On getting to the scene of the accident, he sees the colossal damage. He gets into a serious argument with the danfo driver, he throws a punch, and then began a fight. He must not let his wife down, not in the public, in front of a national stadium for that matter. Hero as he is, he beats the Danfo guy blue black till he was pulled away. He hires a cab, puts triumphant wife with her client's cake in it. He makes a turn and takes wife's car to a Mechanic at Palmgroove, boards a danfo back to Surulere to pick his car and heads back to Lekki. He gets back to the office by 3:43pm where a query from his supervisor was waiting on his desk.

Boo-boo gets home 9:47pm having fought his way through a hectic traffic that got the 3rd mainland bridge locked from 5:00pm to 8:15pm. As he arrives at their rented apartment at Alausa, he sinks into the sofa, eyes starring at the TV but mind busy recounting the ordeal of the day. Wife is busy preparing Eba and Efo riro. She arrived 1hour earlier. 'Boo-boo', she calls out but no response from the living room. She begins the usual long talk she is good at, giving a recount of how her day went. 'Honey imagine this...', 'Honey imagine that...', 'Iyabo is getting married', 'Guess who I saw', 'I saw one black gown today at..'

Her talking goes on from the kitchen for 30mins non stop, and after her epistle, all Boo-boo says is 'Where is my food woman?' So they both eat at 10:40pm and go to bed. No light in the toilet, Wifey can't go there alone in the dark. She visits the toilet 3 times between 11:00pm and midnight. Every time tapping hubby by the shoulder, 'Boo, I want to wee, come and follow me 'jhare', trust Boo-boo, he is always up to her demands. She taps Boo-boo on the shoulder at 1:15am, not to wee this time, 'Baby, I have been touching you since, you didn't even look at me. Where is our sex life going? You don't do me like you used to. I am worried. Is there some one outside? Tell me.' Boo-boo manages to give a smile but he ignores her. She starts sobbing. Boo-boo pulls her up on him, and mechanical activities begin, putting all the energies to work (Kinetic, Potential, name it.).

'Harder baby!', 'Harder baby!', 'Holy Heavens!', 'Open Heavens!', 'Make way, Make way, Part the red sea!!' was all Wifey was screaming till 2:00am as Boo-boo tries to satisfy her. And so after, they both fall into deep sleep. 2:30am, a big kick sends the door of the living room flying to hug the door of the kitchen, isn't romance in the air? Four armed robbers are in. Boo-boo jumps up from the bed, uses his palm to cover Wifey's mouth has screams. He carries her quietly and hides her, warning her to not make a single sound. Boo-boo walks into the living room to a grand reception of slaps, coming from opposite, adjacent and hypotenuse angles. 'Na you and who deh stay this lungu?', Ring leader asked in a life-threatening tone. 'Na na na nana only me sir', Boo-boo replies in a Baptist hymnal tune. Already weak from 4rounds of 'Harder baby', he receives serious beating from the robbers before they made away with all the money at home. All this while, Wifey was hidden behind Bathroom door as Boo-boo stood up to protect his home like he does always.

Boo-boo's life goes on like this every day. He is victimized, He is used, He is abused and belittled many times, but Boo-boo is not complaining. So Wifey, you open your stinking mouth to ask him to sweep, wash plate for you, or make moi-moi with you. Are you alright? Do you want to kill him? If he comes to assist you with chores on his own accord, that's nice and good. But if Chairman decides to cross legs and watch TV while you make 'ordinary semo' and stew in the kitchen, my sister, shut up your smelly mouth and do your job. This is Africa.


https://ijebuloaded.com/romance-husband-not-maid-dipor-exzie/

Your story is entertaining, I give you that.

Once a wife is working a full time job, she is carrying more than 70% of the home's weight.

There is only a semblance of balance when a wife is a stay at home wife with a fully providing husband.

Do wives as potrayed in your OP exist? I am sure they do. Have I encountered them? No.

Again, most of the chores are not even routine or how many times do you change a leaking faucet or a faulty gen?

I would agree with you that evetyone needs to appreciate their spouses more whether you think they are doing their duties or not.

I don't think she should have posted this online.

I doubt the lady in question introduced herself as a choirster in BBN

But again, the day she entered the house, she should been suspended from the choir.

Iseoluwani:
I disagree...

Like the old English people say, 'when a father dies, it is a tragedy.... when a mother dies, it is a disaster'

cococandy:
I’m clearly not any of these posters’ moms. They should go home and compliment their moms.

I’ll take thenseriously when they stop misogynistic behaviors and utterances.

All women are hoes and bla bla bla until it comes to their moms. Then all women become perfect . I don’t endorse the spirit of confusion.

LMAO @ 'Spirit of confusion'

ify84:
If not for lazy wives we have these days... House maid will be non existent..

Sorry to burst your bubble, wives always had maids.

@OP:

Let the wife be found and made to join her husband

Wicked people!