₦airaland Forum

Some

smartmom:
@Efemena, in the past 3 weeks or so I have been hearing waaayyy too many stories of domestic violence and it causes me to hyperventilate just to hear about it. I see red to hear about these women. Just today it was about a 36 year old woman who suffered the classical profile of an abused woman; cut off from friends and family, obsessive hubby, physically abusive, imprisonment and eventually died of medical neglect wife of a PASTOR. Heartbreaking story of what society does to womanhood in Nigeria. I just wonder what these women think? when(when not if) they die, who is going to give them an award for endurance? who will be there for their children? their siblings and parents? the man will replace them before you say Jack!!!! NOTHING is worth any life. Penury, homelessness, whatever, is better than ending up dead!

They stayed married to the end.

What can beat that?

Long time everyone...

Naijababe, really looking good...

@damiso, weldone even though I did not see the pictures...

Have a great day everyone

TV01:
Although you prefaced this with my moniker, I take it you are not addressing me specifically? If you are, I couldn't be more puzzled. I don't think anyone on this section is clearer,or enunciates more fully, their mission statement, or whom their main target audience is


As above - if it's is me you are addressing directly, I can only guess there is something amiss.


You would teach your grandmother to suck eggs - like seriously?


Are you, like, having a conversation in your head with me, that I know nothing about? Not that I would know,mind or care, but repeating that in public is plain odd


Ok, who's logged in as Bukatyne and posting sket - and in a way that suggests there are some pathologies that need addressing

This one was incorrectly addressed - please return to sender !


TV

That post was addressed to you.

cococandy:
You take some hypocrite asses around here serious?

I try not to

FrancisTony:
Bukatyne,

Do me a favour and don't respond to the indirect attention-seeking jab to incite E-fight and later be claiming pseudo-innocuous/saintly.

Thanks.

LOLs!

Thank you Francis

LordReed:
Some people would have been happy to marry the bridezilla because they think they would be part of withdrawing from the "ATM". LoL

Glad the man could walk away without really being a big bastard about it.

True,

Some people never really see the bigger picture

safarigirl:
either that or just a couple of baby mamas.

You can find black families like this in America too, lots of pregnant 15 year olds

Anyways, they all look good

TV01:
Pele 0! Thread starter. At least this one was a bubbly child


As someone here says, I am responsible for what I write, not what you read, or read into it. In context we are discussing STEM, particularly the TEM aspect as that is proving the sticking point in term of female participation.

I actualy went back and checked - I referenced Bellongs post which touched on the higher mathematical type demands and specifically noted "TEM". Harder in this sense clearly meant the mathematical requirements.

I even went on to say that women could certainly excel in TEM, just unlikely to do so at the same rate as men, because of mens comparative advantage, and also womens choices. Nothing in that post - or any other - said men were superior to women, or vice-versa, just that they have different relative strengths.

Funny how you love to accuse people of picking snippets from a post, when you have done exactly that here ! If you have nothing else, then the bolded question remains unanswered.

Again, your "equalist" led perspective colours your perception. Many have been discussing relative differences in wiring, strengths and choices - you read - or twist - that to mean claims are being made for superiority - again, I can't help your combination victim mentality/inferiority complex.


This is still bogus - are men not judged on more? Their looks, height, pocket, status etc?


Oily fish


More oily fish - no one said women are not intelligent - just that men and women have different relative strengths and preferences.

Do you have anything else - other than insinuation?


TV

This your post is all over the place.

And sorry, I do not deal with posters per thread/post, I deal with them per their claimed belief system.

If moniker analog claims to be a Christian, I relate with him as such. If I see a post he references God, I assume it is God till he tells me he was referring to Allah.

The fact nobody has mentioned superiority/inferiority of the sexes on this thread (if it was done, pardon me; I didn't read all posts) doesn't mean it is not a popular belief in this section.

@combination victim mentality/inferiority complex: Funny funny funny

This is a forum to discuss so we are bound to address them

In my world, no victim mentality neither is there inferiority complex

ApexTitan:
I hope we are not back to the "its all men's fault" and ignoring the role nature has in this.

I started this thread, remember even though I have been MIA

ApexTitan:
Gender parity here is a futile course and those who are pushing for it are doing so not because STEM as a body of knowledge stands to gain anything in particular if more women got in it but because of the unhealthy competition between the sexes that their ideology prescribes.

They are doing so because women have been told over time that men are superior because of STEM amongst others. I have read that on NL severally.

Again, as some posters said here, more women are getting educated so they are pushing for more women in STEM so that there are naturally more STEM professionals.

ApexTitan:
Wouldn't you like to see more women in, if not out rightly dominating, not just STEM but in other fields too like the (combatant roles in the) military, female dominance in vocations like mining, auto-mobile repair (mechanics), fire fighting and construction?These are also areas that society has oppressed or conditioned women to shy away from, right? Let the full impact of this ideology come to the fore and we'll see if society is any better or stronger for it.

.

Moot point; we also want to see more boys as house helps, sales boys, sex slaves etc.

JAZES:
Gbam...oya esha la te wo.

Thanks

cococandy:
Pls what's the full story?

Did the child have an accident or what?

Because I can't imagine a real maid doing this and they've not cut off both her own hands before been taking pictures.

True

2nd Picture:

Grandmother sitting; mother on the right and daughter on the left with black handband.

Sweet pictures

Seems the generation married early.

Did these lovington occur while you were concurrently running the relationship with your baby mama?

Anyways, goodluck to you both.

[quote author=Timbuktou post=39659432][/quote]I was going to respond to your bullshit but I read the last line. and decided against it.

If that is your summary of my post then it is pointless

Stillfire:
@OP

I hope you don't have a false sense of belief that your husband will accord you all these analyses if you cheat eventhough you forgave him when he cheated. You and your ghana must go would be thrown out sharply.

Well I do not think a husband is mandated to forgive his cheating wife because she forgave him when he cheated.

It is her decision to forgive; it is his not to.

LordReed:
The giving of liberty was referring to the use of social media not to the friendship. And even if it was referring to the friendship unless you married an immature person I believe an adult should have the ability to determine and set appropriate boundaries and so should not require tacit approval for friendships of this sort. If as a spouse you see that something inappropriate is going on then you should speak up but requiring approval either means one is immature and/or the other is overbearing.

Thanks, you saved me typing.

Although IMHO, I still do not understand the Concord between the OP' s wife and the guy considering the fact she said he was a questionable character earlier.

TV01:
No, just that men and women are indeed different, and have different relative strengths, even though there is a very high degree of overlap. Which is demonstrable and makes absolute sense, whether you believe in creation or evolution.

And it's more like a quest for sameness, not parity. Equal opportunity and open access is all but universal.

IFF you were referring to my earlier post, it was "soft" and "hard". Hard being to involve more pure math, modelling and the like. Hard in a TEM sense - all of which play to mens strengths. Soft - for example medicine, bio-medicinal sciences - look for other things. No one asks about your bedside manner or empathy when it comes to coding. Check out the requirements for becoming a medical Dr.

Which is totally ironic, as the move to equalise representation ignores that very fact of difference - what exactly is your point? Nobody has stated men are superior, just that men and women have different relative strengths, and when it comes to STEM, especially the more mathematical based ones, men have an edge. Please, show us where anyone has plainly said or even implied that men are superior to women

No one has said that women can't or shouldn't be allowed to do STEM, or all men are better than all women when it comes to STEM, or that women are inferior. We appreciate the difference and question forced and unthought through re-engineering in the name of equal representation.

Bogus - was it men that formulated or enforced that ideal? What on earth does this even have to do with questions of equality, superiority or not

Likewise, is it men that peddle, or enforce, or shame women because of this - at least any more so than women? Everyone knows the typical man prefers curvy. Curvy 0! not obese. And no one is typically checking for anorexic chicks .

Case dismissed


TV

I am mobile So I will just respond generally.

1. @Women not allowed to do STEM etc: I started this thread remember So I questioned the forced representation first which posters have brought nice points in favour of.

2. Re soft and hard STEM: I thought they were classified into biological and physical? Your soft and hard was to subtly ridicule the efforts put into the biological sciences (afterall, women populate the biological aka soft sciences So it must be soft)

3.@bold: That was a joke right? I do not know a more popular theme here.

4.@ women's looks: it was an analogy and I was not laying the blame on men; more on 'society' (whosoever makes up the ever present ghostly society).

It ties well into the superiority stuff....

When a big woman was seen as the deal, slimmer women were seen as suffering etc.

Now, a slim woman is the deal and bigger women are doing all to be slimmer.

Doublex also used the analogy of English as a language. Non-English speakers are seen as non-intelligent.

doublex:
very true sister,its basically conditioned,its like how many people think those who know english are probably intelligent and even non-english speakers(even here on nairaland) would correct and make fun of a fellow nonenglish speaker,the question is WHY?because of the group(english white) that enforced their selfimposed superiority to the point whereby basicall all written sources of knowledge are in english...its a typical case of:an inferiority complex from the selfimposed superior group,therefore that group lashes out to the group(s) they want to 'make'(through physical and/or non-physical) feel inferior,thats why so much force they give.anyway great points 8-)

True

And thanks

@TV01:

To have 'passion' for less divorces is not enough; men and women need to be trained on how to make their marriages work.

The emphasis on men because women have been trained for so long unfortunately, a tree cannot make a forest.

Men believing it is OK to cheat or throw bullshyte because they paid bride price or did 3 wedding ceremonies or are superior to women is unfortunately NOT an attitude that will help build strong marriages.

As a norm, people do not marry to divorce in future. They marry to build a life together irrespective of whether old age/pregnancy/young age/loneliness/companionship/money/whatever reason.

Teaching people epecially women to stay in shitty marriages so stem the divorce/seperation rate is futile.

AyeeIdris:
The funny thing is, as near as 2012, when i left practice, our court system is overwhelmed by plenty divorce matters. People are no longer staying in abusive marriages. who wan die young? But there is a lot of nonsense cases. I remember one case where the husband and wife got into a heated argument because the husband wanted to give their two year old daughter viju milk at 9 p.m. It turned into a physical fight and then the next day, the wife's brother went to the man's church to embarrass him. So they were filing for divorce.

I can never forget that day. As she was narrating, i was just looking at her. In my mind, i wanted to slap her with my pen. I was like 'Choi. Aisha!!!! see your life! Five year of School. One year in Law school. Two Years for Masters. And you are here discussing viju milk". The un serious couple settled during the family conference

Don't you think the court should in addition to throwing such cases out start issuing a fine to couples who bring ridiculous cases?

And I think women should start trusting their husbands with child care more

babygirlfl:
You have done a great job. In this section, women have been scared by people telling them that women in Nigeria don't get anything after divorce. I am glad it's not the case and I think more women should be made aware of this.

Most of us don't support anybody who wants to reap where they did not sow. What we want is that women who have worked and built with their husband be well settled.

Also, most people would not support divorce for silly reasons. However, most people think a serial cheat and a wife beater is a flimsy reason to divorce.

It is a flimsy excuse for the wife

If it was the husband , this thread would have ended with divorce her.

RoyalRoy:
[color=#000033] What you don't want, don't tolerate it.

You do not need out views to take a firm stand.
Since you feel she has taken the liberty and freedom to another level, put a stop to it right now.


"It doesn't take much to make a woman stray, it takes much more to keep her in line". [/color]

LOLS!

Humans are different from machines you press delete and the information is gone

Only one person can stop the lady.... she herself.

ApexTitan:
Those following this thread will notice how the discussion takes on lesser and lesser the tone of victimhood and oppression. The realisation should spread that gender disparity is a normal feature of life, men will dominate certain fields and women will do so in others. The numbers and percentages will always be in a flux so the quest for parity is ultimately a snipe hunt.

Maybe there is a quest for parity because women have been told over the years that men are superior because they are different.

Even the tone of this thread at one point was that there was 'soft' STEM because women were more in those areas and there was 'strong' STEM.

The earlier we appreciate everyone's differences without some set thinking they are superior, the better for everyone of us.

AT one point, sumptuous women were seen as the deal and women were fed to be fat.

Today, women are told slim is superior and we have the statistics to show the number of women suffering from anorexia and other eating disorders

God continually bless your home OP

Onegai:
Pele.

I wanted the grief to come out, I knew it was shock and anger and pain that made you open his thread.

You know better. You now see how weak he is. But you cannot change him, he has to change and work on himself (he should use his hands to send away the friends that were encouraging his lousy behaviour). He has to earn your trust. He has to wake up every day and earn your love. Because forgetting will not be easy and neither is forgiving. And anyone who tells you to cry to God and instantly God will heal, is expecting a lot from you. Because that is not reality, it takes years for people to truly heal. So don't force it, take as long as you want to be angry and upset.

Now, watch him. He has to fix this. HE HAS TO FIX THIS. If he doesn't give a damn about fixing the mistakes he made in jeopardizing his marriage, then he's an arse. If he dares try to turn the tables and make this all your fault, know that is not. Because he had several choices and he chose to cheat and be led astray. Tell him that he was willing to throw away a woman dedicated to his happiness forever and the unconditional love of his wife and child for a few minutes of pleasure that was very cheap (N2000 right? ) and he should decide what is important to him because this is not a mistake that should ever be repeated. And there must be consequences: no more late nights, total honesty and openness, true remorse, better communication and telling you about everything (had you two been good communicators, he would have shared with you that he had hopeless friends encouraging him to cheat).

And for you, guard your heart. Focus on loving your son.

Thanks a lot Onegai...

In addition nevanevaland: There is a book 'His needs... Her needs...' by Willard F. Harley. The author treated how to survive an affair, you can look it up.

bellong:
Is there anything to contribute to her quest?

The opening sentence is a give away of a deep underlying problems between them "hubby has been acting funny of late".. Meaning, he wasn't like that prior to acting funny of late.

I do not encourage divorce as the first point of call in a marital crisis. Yes, she could be distraught at her finding but it doesn't give her the right to bring the case to a court of public opinion without letting the accused know his offence. In law, her case would be thrown out for not following due process. I could wager my pension that she can't win this case if she goes straight to divorce proceedings. The presiding judge will ask efforts they have made at resolution before arriving at divorce.

She needs to discuss with her husband. Her subsequent post shows that the husband is not totally irresponsible except for this new found hobby in drilling different artesian wells..

Thanks for the response

I am sure the OP has picked some points from your post.

TV01:
...the title of the thread is "Divorce Lawyers In D House, Pls I need Some Advice" - pray tell what advice would a "divorce lawyer" give?


kudos and well said. This sentence could be a banner in this section Only spoilt somewhat by the the post that preceded it - otherwise great !

Those who would tarnish marriage, make DV something "men do to women" and sell a dialectic of divorce or death are obviously making headway


TV

Thanks for the response.

I was also asking for your opinion of the thread; not OP alone.

I know you brand yourself as someone passionate about marriage; I was wondering if the picture painted on this thread is what your vision is about.

And @ second bolded, who are they? I guess you are referring to coco's thread

A pity that's all you picked out of a fine thread.

cococandy:
This is a disgusting thread to say the least.

Very very

I am yet to find what is amusing in the OP.

cococandy:
It's not a single moms thing.
Even a step mom can get direspected by her husband's kids and any attempt to discipline them will be termed wickedness.
One mistake and all their good deeds will be forgotten.

I feel being a step parent is most times a thankless job because those kids miss their real parent and don't appreciate what other people do for them as much as they would if their own parents did it. That's why everyone considers their mothers and fathers to be saints but don't see others that way.

That's why I always want the details when a person comes up to say my step mom/dad/aunt/uncle/brother/sister maltreated me.

cococandy:
Not only that.
they should pay him back the tuition he ever spent on the girl.
If possible down to underpants. What nonsense!

You don vex!

Interesting thread.

OP, do What you feel is best for you.

Bellong, TV01, etc. your opinion is needed on this thread.

I have my reasons.