₦airaland Forum

tearoses:
Dont want to quote your whole post
You are right, the older generation endured and stayed, however I sometimes question, did they know any better?
Could they have been happy in their own way?
I often wonder about this.
Not DV pls.
What were their aspirations back then? children or husbands? . . .or just being a Mrs.
The downside I see sometimes though is when these mothers turn their sons into their husbands and take control of their sons marriages and lives which isnt good.

back in the day, when you got married it was a deep thing. Families carried out investigation on the other side and you knew the person and the family you are marrying. These days people just meet and get married pam! I also think that there was more support back then than now. Now family's are smaller, busier and far flung.

If they were happy, we will not have a lot of damaged adults today.

Considering the fact how people say today's ladies are lazier, maybe older women had other aspirations.

Besides, I don't think aspiring to be a Mrs. only is the problem (afterall, if the marriage was sweet, it would have given the kids a model to look forward to)..... it is staying in terrible marriages at all costs and bringing forth damaged offsprings that is my issue.

Besides I thought their investigations was to see if there were thieves, strange/premature deaths, ritualists, madness, epilepsy etc. and not really character flaws because I doubt abuse in all forms was seen as a character flaw.

tearoses:
Coco something else that came to mind could be the pomp and feferity that people subscribe to for the wedding day.
An average Naija wedding these days costs millions and planning takes months. Some Make up artists charge as much as 150K for the day and the latest trend is dressing up for pre wedding photographs

Could it be that people get carried away by wanting to showcase the wedding of the year than looking closely at the person that they are trusting the rest of their lives with.
Cos when you do think about it, you are trusting your happiness and your kids happiness and peace of mind on this one person that you have chosen.
.
Maybe I am old school,. but it seems that so much time and energy is spent on the "wedding" and even when people have nagging doubts, they are caught up in the preparation and the money spent that they just continue and hope for the best.
Weddings these days cost more than it cost to send your child to uni.
Whats more important . . a beautiful wedding day or a beautiful marriage?

Dont get me wrong, weddings are beautiful events but its so easy to get carried along and miss the whole point if one is not careful.

We are back full circle...

What does a person want to experience in marriage that is an worse than what his/her mother or father passed through? (Maybe rituals sha)

Why should a person bother his/her head with nagging thoughts when what will be will be?

cococandy:
I'm seeing

It is well

odinese:
OK..
It looks good.
Did u prepare it yrself?

Yes I did

niggi4life:
my sister, i have seen quite some huge numbers of them, it all depends on the man they got married to, my best friend's sister got married at the age of 19 while she was in 300L, the husband supported her all through till she graduated and she is now an assistant manager in a reputable bank with 3 lovely kids whom you can be mistaken as her younger brothers and sister. The earlier the better for women as long as the man is capable of being a MAN

You are right just that we have lots who it not work for.

@OP:

You have entered the one chance already.

The major problem now is the beating. If a separation is What it takes the beating, So be it.

When the beating is solved, go back to the drawing board with him.

He is willing to go to school? For him to successfully deceive you means he has Good manners, speaks well and he is intelligent.

If yes, he can enroll in part time.

Is he still a house-boy? (Because of the income). I am sure in his years of service, he picked up some qualities he can use to run a dry cleaning business to support the home.

He can eventually run a domestic staff outfit in future.

Goodluck.

@Cococandy:

See the comments on this thread

@Cococandy:

A thread was opened a while back on if people would marry products of single homes and a lot of posters said no.

If an abused spouse knows his/her kids will be discriminated against martially in future (most Nigerian parents see their kids' marriage as a personal achievement ), why would he/she leave?

Honestly, we need to understand the law of cause and effect.

If a woman endured 30yrs of abuse from her husband, celebrated and probably a marriage counsellor, why should her daughter leave an abusive husband? Why should her son learn to resolve conflicts without his fits?

In a bid to over-compensate for his father's abuse, What if he gets stuck with an abusive woman?

I know a couple who counsels marriage and the husband cheats like sex is going out of fashion. What advise will such a man give people who come for counsel? What advise would his wife give?

I know a married lady whose father calls regularly that all men cheat So when her husband cheats, she does shakara, he begs and they are back to status quo. Tomorrow we will complain if her daughter decides to stick to a cheating boyfriend... afterall, mama stayed with papa.

Honestly, our parents failed us martially. Yes, they grew old together however, the quality of marital relationship is zero.

I am sure going to the roots to counsel pre-teens and teens will go a long way.

Some young adults are damaged beyond repair.

francis18:
where is ur own family?afta dis whores will come here nd say they r married?at dis time when married women r cuddling with their husband,u r here trying 2 talk nonsense out of nonsense.why wont yall claim feminist?when u have absentee husbandz.

You see How daft you are?

95% of the monikers on this thread are married.

Tell me about absentee husbands....

Was your father one?

LordReed:

With this little code , you know your stand with whom you support

Morning and regards to your family

francis18:
shut up,when a female support a man don u call her abused nd say dat her husband is her master?wat r u even doing at dis time?

Francis,

Keep your madness to yourself this morning.

LordReed:
It must be part of the reason, anyone who disagrees with them is an enemy and must be "destroyed". Like there is some kind of trophy or something to be won here.

In family section...

a. When a female support males.... she is a Good wife who is happily narried/wife material

b. When a female supports females.... she is a rabid bitter feminist

c. When a male supports males.... he is an alpha male

d. When a male supports females.... he is captain save the hoes.

Funny

Hi dearie,

I believe people who endure abuse are fine with it.

If a child knows to withdraw his/her hands from fire, then everyone who is mentally OK has survival instincts and knows when to escape from danger.

Even mad people do not wait for danger sef.

And I find the reason 'staying for my kids' a joke of the century.

niggi4life:
[b]This wonderful lady here got married in her teen. Yet her marriage didn't make her lose focus in her career or her family, Look at her first child how grown she has become

To all the late twenties and 30s single ladies still waiting for the right time and right man, make una dey dere ooo

Reminds me of one girl i was dating back then, her momsie told me to wait till she finished her Nysc, i did wait o, after nysc her papa say make i chill till she finish her Masters den we fit dey think about introduction... Na so i bone am, the last time she called me early this year telling me she misses me and her dad wants to see me for our introduction, i told her i have been married for some couple of years with a beautiful daughter..she almost fainted on the fone.

Marriage doesn't stop or reduce your efforts in becoming someone in life. It's also high time guys start dating reasonable women and ignore those cheap girls begging for recharge cards all over, both online and offline...I am so proud of you omosexy, keep making the women proud... Cheers and congrats!!!!!!![/b].

Bros,

How many women married at OmoT 's age were able to push through?

I want to believe she is an exception and not the norm.

odinese:
What type of soup do u have on yr profile?

Ofe Onugbu

Why did you ask?

Hot Mama

njokusboy:
is marriage a covenant?

perhaps, it was meant to be so but the way you guys shout divorce on here, it is clear marriage has become only just an agreement which ends as soon as one of the partner defaults....
i dont expect you or cococandy to cosign any post that refers to marriage as a covenant........ stop contradicting yourselves...

Till you can bring one of either our posts that 'chants' divorce at every problem, just swerve to one side.

It is a beautiful Friday morning.

cococandy:
I don't have problems won't her being down with it.

I just find it funny that some people consider that as what it means to be a good woman.
So my post isn't directed at her but the posters.

Of course, a Good wife in Nigeria is one willing to take her husband's shit.

Sha know that a good husband is not determined same way.

@OP:

I don't get the woman is planning something brouhaha...

She is Muslim wife So not new to her.

Besides, like someone said, they see marriage as a contract and not a covenant.

I wish her all the best and hope the second wife is peace loving too.

pet4ril:
if he's cheating with a married woman, another man will still sleep with his wife

So another man's dick will just enter his wife's pussy even if she is not a cheat

What happens if he sleeps with a single lady?

Amustical:
ADVICE TO LADIES!!!
Really got me thinking too ....so true!!!
and if any married man is Bold enough let him
comment and deny these facts ,or Forever hold
your Peace and let the Ladies be.
If they can never be in your future plan don't
bother starting a relationship dat you can't
sustain.
The moment you agree to date a married man,
you
agree to be a second class woman, and every
second class person is
classified as aperson of lower values. Now look
at it this way... If he is
with you and his wife calls, he lies that he is
still in the office or on an
official assignment. You dare not interrupt his
conversation or query him.
But you can't call him when he is at home
......My sister, you be toy? He
sneaks you from his car into his hotel room but
gives his wife his entire
home. ...... My sister grow up, please! He visits
you at home and you
introduce him to friends and neighbors as your
boyfriend thereby
blocking your chances of getting a genuine
suitor, yet you don't even
know the name of the street where he lives.
....My sister, how long will
you continue to sacrifice your future? He takes
you out and buys you
assorted types of alcoholic drinks, yet he will
never allow his wife taste
even a drop of alcoholic drink. Common sense
should tell you he is only
doing that to get you drunk so he can truly
destroy you in bed. .... My
sister, na your body good pass for experiment?
He gets you pregnant
and gives you money for abortion, but when his
wife gets pregnant he
celebrates and gives her money for antenatal
and baby things. ....... My
sister remember he is already raising his
family. Oh just in case you
don't know, he describes your reactions during
sex when he is with his
friends but will never mention whatever
happens between him and his
wife. This makes all his friends see a lesser
human in you. .....My sister,
na your matter dem take dey drink beer oo. He
gives you a few cash and
you're happy not knowing that whatever money
he gives you is what he
calls "Body no be firewood allowance" or "Toto management allowance" You have
his picture on your
phone and saved his number as "My
Sweetheart" yet your picture
cannot be found on his phone and your number
is saved on his phone as
generator mechanic or refuse disposer. .......My
sister, you be learner? Wise up my dear!!!

@OP:

This post sounds Like What a married woman with a cheating husband uses to console herself.

A lady who is dating a married man doesn't mind being the 'side' chick except in very rare cases of polygamy or outrightly wanting the man.

She enjoys the better part of the man for less....

He takes sspecial care to prepare for meeting with her whic. he might not do for his wife.

How many mistresses do you see killing themselves doing chores? There is a song 'pe mi loruko, ko fami ni rungbon' I.e. call me by my name and play with n try beards....

How you seen How some men interact with their mistresses and their wives?

God help a wife waiting for him to change.... he definitely will when he is old, gray and an empty shell with the wife nursing him after all the mistresses have had the best of him.

pet4ril:
You are so on point. ..and when nemesis now caught up with them when they are married, you see them running to social media saying their husbands are cheating bla bla bla...... do not be deceived for God is not mocked, for whatsoever a man soweth that he shall reap and what goes around comes around

What is the karma for a cheating husband?

I honestly doubt this house saga is 100% pure.

And if true, I doubt Linda has the resources to maintain that mansion which is a lliability.

Time will tell.

ShakurM:
[color=#000050]In as much as I like Tuface's music , I won't buy that book with my money, wetin he wan talk about ' A very good bad guy '

I don't know how he does it, like 7 children born out of wedlock, oh it's Tuface, no one bats an eye...

Just one child from the likes of Wizkid n Davido, we tag them irresponsible and call them all manners of names

Hypocrisy at best. [/color]

True

Being a mom looks So So Good on her

Lol @ thread

Very sharp guy @ the one who beared his tips for her to reciprocate and the one wanting sex on a first date.

I am sure than when the men were done, they will automatically be converted to non-feminists

Not any different from Pastors who defraud people or Charlatans who join a cause to target its members.

Pele and goodluck as you find male non-feminists to date.

akaglue:
The number 30 is a big miles stone. While some look forward to it, some don’t. By the age 30, it is expected that one should tone down and focus on more serious aspect of life. Hitting the big 30 can bring about a lot of pressure.

If you are above 30 and are yet to achieve any of these goals, don’t feel sorry for yourself, rather make these your financial goals for the last quarter of the year and strive to achieve at least 80% of them.

Well, here is my list of 10 money goals one should have conquered by age 30. Achieving these goals will assist you to be financially prepared for the bigger challenges you will face in the next decade of your life.
1.Be completely financially independent – No more collecting money from daddy, mummy, uncle, aunty, pastor and siblings. Become the giver not the receiver.
2.Have a clear and steady source of income – By the time you are hitting 30, you should have defined what your chosen career/business is and it should be yielding a steady income. It can be in paid employment or business but it has to be clearly defined.
3.Stop competing with your friends: Everyone is running their race so stop comparing yourself with others and stop trying to outdo one another. Yes by 30, some of your friends may have hit it big, while some are still struggling. Rather focus on being a better you and securing your future financially.
4.Stop impulse buying – While this is acceptable when one is younger, but as we get older and mature, we need to drop this bad money habit. If you didn’t plan for it, then don’t buy it. Chances are, it is just a want and not a need.
5.Have a savings account – Even if you don’t have a project you are saving towards, it is very important that one should have formed the habit of saving. Once your salary/income comes, make it a habit to pay yourself first by setting aside an amount to save. (i.e. after paying your tithe).
6.Have a pension /retirement account – For people in paid employment, ensure your employer is remitting your pension funds to your choice of PFA, and for self employed people, ensure you set up a personal retirement account. There are so many insurance companies that can assist with it.
7.Have at least one form of investment – Whether it’s something as simple as a mutual fund, or more advanced investments in the capital market or money market. This is an important achievement.
8.Have a health insurance – If you are in paid employment, chances are that you are already registered with your organization’s choice of HMO. If you are self employed, scout around and register with a HMO of your choice.
9.Have a side hustle or at least a passive source of income – No matter how small it is, have a side hustle that will give you additional income or something as simple as a fixed deposit /mutual funds investments that pays you interest, or dividend payments from stocks you own.
10.Be a regular contributor to charity – By the age of 30, you should be a giver. This is different from your tithe and offerings. Form the habit to give to charity and to the less privileged or for a cause you believe in.

In my next article, I will be sharing money goals to have conquered by 35years.

Did I miss any? Feel free to add.


visit www.akaglue.com for more personal finance advice.

You have a wonderful blog, just went through it.

NashvilleTN:
Sweetheart, na work o. God bless us with small promotion; so work has almost doubled. Meanwhile salary increase was minimal!

sounds familiar

Congrats on your promotion

bellong:
I am not 31st.... 29th

Sorry

hayjay16:
aww d mothers look finer dan their kids

I think it is everywhere

Mothers now look finer and fresher than their daughters.

The fear is we don't know if we will look finer than our daughters in our own time.

EgunMogaji:
You should respect ALL ladies as long as they are respectful to you. What they do is none of your bizwhacks as long as you're not exposed to 2nd hand smoking.

So let's have a wrap up:

Nigerians don't like alternative lifestyle folks, ladies that smoke, igbos don't like yoruba, lagos doesn't like igloos and wants to fill lagoon with them, igbo ashawos don't like Cameroon ashawos, etc

Seems like a very nice country yah all are developing out there

@Bold:

So So funny

nwaimoroseyaho:
my dear friends it has not been easy with us. we are owing house rent for ten months and the landlord is threatening to quit us. my husband's business has suffered setbacks cos of the rain. that's why I asked him to seek help than close our mouth and be ejected.

What do you do?

yetseyi:
I really do not see any difference in the OP's post and most advices given to women who mariage is in distress.

May your days be long...

Nse