₦airaland Forum

kulyie: i am a female administrator in my own place of work and that is not true.the thing is that if you are a female boss the men tend to look down on you or try to take you for granted to see what you can do,so when you punish one for flouting your instructions,they tag you mean and arrogant.the truth is that many men dont like the idea of a female giving them instructions or telling them no,it hits their ego real hard.however if anybody man or woman has to work with me,you have to put ego,indiscipline,rudeness,gossip and lawlessness outside the gate before you come to the office if we are to have a good working relationship

I think you are totally wrong here as females are also complaining
Your assumption will tend to point to the fact that the female boss has a perception of her male staff and even when these are not reality, they act it out hence causing more harm than good.

I did work under a female boss, the woman was fantastic, if you had an issue, she will come to your aid, when male colleagues had family issues, she stepped in to help financially and with contacts that could solve problems, when some got married, she printed on gifts and distributed during the marriage. I still remember her asking me when I will bring my car loan for her to sign.

since we were IT guys,we had just 3 females in the dept, one was ok, the other was a biatch, wouldn't want her to be my boss

And to be honest with you, if she had an issue even after she had left the dept, a lot of us would come to her aid

After going through this whole thread, a story comes to mind
When multitude of people gathered to stone a woman to death for adultery
They met Jesus thinking he will be in support, he is the son of God and people like this woman are condemned to hell,
but he said:
He that has done no wrong, let him be the first to cast the stone.
And guess what, the adulterer walked away
And Jesus said sin no more

@op, you have crossed the first step, which is you knowing you did the wrong thing
the second step is "sin no more" :- which is sort yourself out and do the right thing

Cipriani: OP,

You wasted a hell lot of my time reading this garbage. We all have been emotionally abused and it is not with spouses and partners alone. Even a girl you try to toast(woo) may emotional abuse you and emotionally beat you senseless.

At work, I have been emotionally abused, so it is a way of life.

To hell with that 21 rubbish point

Abeg tell them o, it seems in this modern age of everybody claiming ITK, they are just causing more harm than good.
In life activities, most things are based on emotions, how else do you think advertisers appeal to you to buy products you don't use, do you sue them for abuse, since they took advantage of your emotions?

Or the girl who gets into a fight with you when you say : am not buying you a blackberry?
Or the wife that compares you to all her friends bf and husbands

It is highly unfortunate , that there are many gullible people who would read this and take it to heart hence raising dust where there should not be one.

In life, you win some and loose some, you compromise for peace to reign, and sacrifice if you love someone , cos no one is perfect
And always try to treat someone the way you expect to be treated

I guess if this Is what women term emotionally abusive, then I guess we all have been abused and are continuously abused.

In as much as I would like to say @danfo is wrong, he is not.
He hit the nail on the head in terms of the ladies character , she is full of pride.
She judges men from a distance.

You can never get any1 100% , you will have to make some compromises, but never compromise on something that means a lot to you and you can't live with

Finally, don't get married because soceity demands it from you, else when you get married, with any issue you encounter ( which always happens in a marriage ), instead of working out a solution , you start saying you don't blame the guy, na condition make crayfish bend.
God help you, if you tell the guy this in marriage and he becomes successful, you've just condemned yourself to a second class citizen and he will always treat you as thrash.

Get to know guys in your church and neighbourhood, decide if they are husband materials and potential success. If you are lucky and the man decides to marry you, say yes and work with him, if he becomes successful , there is a 90% chance that he will forever cherish.

You are busy fasting asking for a husband, but the ones around are not financially stable for you as you wouldn't want to be feeding any man
Have you forgotten those days when you graduated and was begging God for a good job, now he has blessed you and you forgot you were once like them
This is the reason God does not bless many people
If you were still struggling in the labour market or had a little job, you probably would have had many people who fit into your category and maybe married

That's my 2cents - and I mean no disrespect

I don't want to think that Seun came up with those rules, probably some of the moderators.
The beauty of the forum sometimes is when u get the bashing and dissing or when mr cork and his relatives say irrelevant stuffs

I think there should be a consultation when it comes to rules, as you cannot be imposing rules on people who account for the traffic on the site. Except if you want to be posting and reading your threads.

I also think that every username should have their age beside it, or a sign to identify their age bracket, this will help immensely as when someone who is 16 years is posting something they feel strongly about and starts insulting everyone , people can understand it is that age of puberty and their blood is running wild.

Also on people's profile, their status such as single should be there, so we don't have singles advising married on how to solve a problem

My 2cents

• Police investigate gruesome killing of 34-year-old banker in Lagos

THE brains and hands behind the killing of an Assistant Manager with the United Bank For Africa, Mr. Adindu Ohamara has remained a mystery to both his family and detectives at the homicide division of the State Criminal Investigation Department (SCID), Panti, Yaba, Lagos.

The family has continued to mourn their ‘Umbrella’ and the man they regard as “a kind and generous brother.”

The only thing that could bring solace to the Ohamar family is if the killers of their beloved son are intercepted and made to face the wrath of the law.

Adindu was murdered in his apartment at No 26 Obayan Street, Akoka, Lagos.

The Ogbaku, Mbaitoli Local Government Area born deceased banker, who had his traditional marriage in December 2012, had almost concluded his wedding classes according to the Roman Catholic creed and was billed to wed his heartthrob in June when his killers came to his house unhindered, sending him to his early grave.

His senior sister, Mrs. Immaculate Igbeka, who spoke to The Guardian amidst tears and grief, urged the Police to get to the root of the matter. She also dispelled the rumour that her late brother was gay as reported by some national dailies (not The Guardian).

“I was the one that was called immediately the incident was discovered. My brother lives with my immediate elder sister. My sister called my number at midnight and said I should start coming that someone has stabbed Adi. My husband and myself took the car and started rushing to the place. Before we got there, the neighbours have taken him to Military Hospital, but they refused to treat him there. So we took him to a private hospital and they started treating him and put him on oxygen, but after sometime, the doctor told me that they cannot manage the situation and that we should take him to Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH) and we did.

She continued: “At LUTH, we could not wait for all the protocol, my husband called his friend at Havannah who urged us to bring him. When we got there, the medical team was waiting. They checked him and confirmed that he was dead. For now, his killer is at large. My younger sister who lives with him, who is now in police custody said when she got home, my brother was not around. As she was coming in, my brother drove in with his car and brought down the fuel from his booth because there was no power. He took the fuel into their flat and the sister walked into her own room because their rooms are ensuite. She said she did not come out again. Another student of the University of Lagos who lives with them went to Adi’s room to ask if he could go and turn off the generating set when he met him in a pool of his blood.”

Detectives have since arrested the sister and neighbours for questioning over the sudden death of Adindu.

According to Igbeka, a mother of three:  “So far, the police has arrested my sister, the neighbours and the security man. The police have released the neighbours while my sister and the security man are still in police custody. The police are still investigating the matter; they have not told us anything but they said they would address us when they make progress. So we wonder how the reporter of the newspaper company got his report that a gay lover killed our brother. My brother was never gay, he was married to his wife and the family is really pained by that report. Our image is at stake; we want justice from the police over this matter.”

“My brother had an open traditional marriage in the village. His church wedding was supposed to come up on June 22.  The wedding date had already been fixed before his killers snuffed life out of him. He was like an umbrella under which everyone in the family was hiding. He has worked with FCMB bank, from there he went to Oceanic and later went back to FCMB. Just recently, he moved over to UBA as an Assistant Branch Manager. He lived a responsible life so we wonder where the rumour was coming from.”

A statement by another senior member of the family, one Pastor Kelvin Ohamara read: “Our attention has been drawn to a media report carried by the newspaper on the death of our brother and son, Adindu Oharama, who until his death worked with the United Bank for Africa. The reporter who wrote the story insinuated that a gay lover might have killed Adindu. For the benefit of the doubt, we wish to state that the report is not correct. Adindu lived a normal life even till death. At no point in his life did he have preferences for men.”

“Adindu had a public traditional marriage last December.  He did not engage in a fight with any man who, according to a report by the newspaper, is a suspected gay lover who came to the house to engage in a fight. We also wish to point out that Adindu did not have any domestic staff. We, therefore, wonder which domestic staff purportedly spoke to the newspaper correspondent in the story published on April 30, 2013.”

“The story is a figment of the imagination of the reporter and we have requested an immediate retraction. We hold the newspaper in high esteem and urge the paper not to degenerate to junk journalism. We are deeply saddened by the very painful loss of Adindu. This story and whatever it stands for, is traumatic and unfair. We are currently in deep pains and urge the media not to deliberately add to our trauma,” he said.

He added: “The family is currently giving the crack officers at the State Criminal Investigation Department (SCID), Panti, Yaba maximum support to unravel this murder. At a meeting with the family today (April 30) Police detectives handling the case also disassociated themselves from the report, and wondered why a reporter would not cross-check facts with the investigators before going to press. We commend the Police for the wonderful work that they are doing on this case. Reports like these are obviously intended to distract the Police from their duty and should be discouraged. We urge the media not to be used by individuals or persons who may want to derail investigations.”


Source: http://www.ngrguardiannews.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=120596:who-killed-adindu-ohamara&catid=3:metro&Itemid=558

@op, I kind of get where you are coming from.
It has gotten to a point where you think you are giving 80% to the relationship and have always let go of your pride to make it work .
You don't feel appreciated, unfortunately you've bottled this in for a long time, and now you can't take it any longer.
I guess at the beginning you thought she will change with time.
There is no issue with you being analytical, and nothing wrong with you shutting down with conversations involving yelling.

One thing I do know from experience is that threatening her with a divorce will not change her ability to apologise, in fact she won't apologise, it will take her some years after you've divorced her for her to figure out that she let a good man go, then you will receive the belated sorry but even when you decide to give her the second chance, you would still have the problem of sorry, you would still be the one to apolocgise to make things work.

If I have to talk in terms of temperaments,
You are melancholy and naturally attracted to a choleric and have married one.
For you to get yourself back, stop the I am miserable mentality, and be overtly happy and jovial in the house, when she messes up, ignore it as if nothing has happened
Do things that make you happy. Hopefully she will get the message

You should know the answer to that by now which is yes
You probably need to get your mind ready for a great battle and your bf should also know that your wedding is not going down without a fight

I will advise you to date him for at least 18 months and be sure it is what you want

Note*** If your below 24, disregard my advise, as your parents know best

zeefa: ************************************************************************

I need to open up this new page without having to quote anyone cos so many people have done just perfect to have followed up my thrend and drop a good comment. However, I commend those with negative contributions too cos they are also part of progress am about experiencing at the moment to better my marriage.

Frankly speaking, your comments have been making waves in sorting us out a little bit cos despite the commencement of the whole problem, the calls goes on. But right now, I had to get home from work, check ppls comments on NL & May be discuss with him for just half an hour & st8t to bed.

I will use dis opportunity to answer few questions from the comments!


1. How long is the marriage btw Us?

The marriage btw Morenike & I clocked 3yrs feb 2013.


2. No of kids?

God just answered us and we are expecting a baby soon by his grace.


3. If she is a nigerian.

She finished her secondary school in Fakunle comprehensive high school in osogbo, osun state nigeria and university education in the united kingdom. we met in a friends child dedication three months after I relocated to uk.


Useful facts!

We stays in our own apartment which we bought 2011 with my share being 70% from the total cost of the properties. Although its by mortgage but all the documents were prepared under her name cos of all the rights she has over me as a UK citizen.

I know so many ppl will attack me for taken the above action but I see her as my wife and never thought of any instance that might root the case out of us in a negative way. I have accepted her after our marriage and building our home should be our topmost idea which I prioritized.

Negative comments from the Thrend.

Some people castigated my useful calls to my friend and even tag it to be a Guy stuff.....

For your information, we don't discuss issues that won't better our life....let me tell you for example, he is an electrical engineer, for the last 2ys he has been working on solar energy & innovations. And part of our crew put some finishing touches to the team that came 2 naija 2 install that of ondo state.

All we talk are based on how to develop ourselves, most especially in a land where you don't have a family that would checkmate you or give you directions.

I got converted to a xtain abt 14yrs ago in the university. Dayo is a gud Muslim but one thing that surprised me is that, that didn't stop our friendship. In fact, I tried getting him converted too but he is so principled and focus that he holds on2 his religion and never discourage my decision.

People should know that there are people out there ready to do anything just to see a smile on their fellow humans face.

I don't kw ao it goes, but I must confess all we talk about are some important issues and not those ones that would affect or be of a negative impact to us as a whole.

Dayo has 3 kids and his wife is from rivers state Bonny lady precisely! Most atyms I wonder y tribe can't really play a good impacts on our side having married a yoruba lady whom I think should understand better and keep devil off our path on the so called scenario.


Conclusion.
My MIL according to the Pastor called him on phone and the has taken a full charge of the heat. But it wasn't funny that they didn't mention the threats and warnings given to the pastor.

Well,we were both there yesterday & the pastor advised us together and called me to a separate room and insist I reduced the calls from dayo or take time to hang out weekends to discuss fatal issues if need be.

He also warned me of my MIL and said he will keep praying along side with me for a breakthrough.

******************

Right now, things are little bit down but I noticed she is always looking sick due to her condition. We didn't go to church today cos she complained of not feeling so good and vomited that I had to clean up and made her breakfast. As am updating here on NL she is on the bed sleeping after I got her hot custard & chips.

The Pastor didn't allow us to give details on the cause of the problem. He only advise us and asked us to stand as husband and wife, seeing it has one of the challenges of marriages so many atimes ppl face in life.


BUT as for me, the Q is, how do I gradually help mysf from it.... Then from what happened, I have gained a lot of things and its making me not to be too free to Mprenike again! Do I just let go & start another life with HER after her nasty threats?

I'm here 2 at least reduce that actions of mine.......but Morenike really hurt my feelings & our baby is all I look up to see right now.

***************************************************************************
I still need to call her cos we still have to settle out some critical issue that only the both of us could settle.....

Thanks everybody for all your contrubutions! Am so so glad and I think I have to be off nl for awhile.
I hope to let you kw when the final part of it comes out.

Thanks u thank u thank u............great ppu of naitaland, admin & seun for a gud forum initsiatives. Am so grateful.

Pls note that the real name of my wife isn't used on the post, so ppu shld not relate my personal notes to anyone! ThÀnk u

She has no right over you, except the ones you give to her. Once you show that you are indifferent to the red passport thing, then she will not use that against you.
Stop mortgaging your destiny with a red passport. You don't need a red passport to be a success .

Now you know the kind of person your wife is, you need to start thinking out of the box, cover all your bases, so that you are not left hanging in some years time.
If I were you, just stick to 2 kids.

You didn't need your pastor to tell you to reduce this call to 30 mins.

I did tell you earlier, if her advisor is a divorcee, then you stand little chance. This marriage stands a better chance if you can distance her from the MIL, this has to be done with wisdom, cos if you try to use the forceful method, then you will draw them closer.

In as much as what you ever wanted in a marriage was a friend, you could tell anything and everything, but unfortunately, yours is not the case, as you have a friend that will use information you've given her against you.

Finally, irrespective of what has happened, love your wife with all your heart but think and make decisions with all your head and not heart

And you are a guy, you can always tell your guy after 30 mins that "o boy we go yarn next time, you know as madam be"
Your friend will understand .

Another word of advice you will have to shine your eyes well and be 2 steps ahead of her.
Someone who has told you that she will call police on you for assault when you did not do such , will more likely lock you up when she doesn't get her way.
Anytime you are quarrelling with her, record it on your iPhone, because when she calls the police, it's your words against her.
Also store the paper she wrote on about her threats, it might come in handy in the future.
Send her emails where she would be the one replying of her plans to call police on you or record your phone conversations about this threats, this might be handy.
In terms of house contribution, you are in the uk, every1 is equal, make sure the house contribution is half - half, so that in case of a worse scenario, you would not live your life regretting that you put in everything into the relationship, and she gets it all

Women are by nature possessive . The guy is simply trying to assert that he is not an item to be possessed and he can do whatever he wants
But the reality is she is not your girlfriend , I would have said you should send her packing to possess another individual , but you are married.

Now you have to start thinking of 2. Swap the roles for a min
Imagine if every time you comeback, your wife is on her phone chatting with a friend for 2 good hours.
You will tolerate this for a while, after sometime, it becomes a nuisance, cos you would start thinking that this person calling my wife, doesnt she have a husband?
Once one negative thinking starts, it spirals to more negative thinking.
And if am not wrong, you have a wife that bottles things until it explodes

Even as a guy, if my girlfriend is doing ping pong on BB all the time, it pisses me off. Everything should be done in moderation
Reduce this to 30 mins, and it becomes understandable and tolerable.

@poster, In this, both parties are wrong
Your wife threatening you with divorce is naive. This is some of the harsh realities of marrying someone from a broken home, especially if her advisor is from such.

From your side, you should know that your wife is feeling jealous, and thinks that her place has been displaced by your friend.
You should simply sit down and tell your wife that you will reduce the calls, but won't stop as he is your best friend and probably the only family you have around.
Just the way you can't stop her from relating with her mum.

You don't have to call your friend for 2 hrs everyday, cut that drastically to around 30mins, you are now married .
Every married man will tell you that once they got married, no more everyday nights out, as madam is in the house. She becomes your priority.
You don't loose your friendship , reducing the hours of talk doesn't reduce friendship.

Ok, I have gone through your post history, though I still believe there are some vital things you have left out
This is what I think
You have been foolish for a long time.
You've been dealing with an i..diot, who has stringed you with the marriage proposal to get cash from you.
I don't understand why he did an introduction if he wasn't ready to get married.
What I can say his reason is more like a payback for the insulting way you broke up with him , even when his mum was pleading.As some said earlier "shakara don end"
I can only deduce that both of you are not from an average family financially, but you tend to be more financially stable than he is.
You seem to have wanted the wedding more than the guy ( well most ladies do ) the error here is that you and your family are sponsoring the wedding by over 80%

Are you physically handicapped cos you did ask if someone could get married to such in your previous posts
I won't advise you to abort if you are a Christian, as no matter how we want to sugar coat it, it is murder

I cannot say that the life ahead would be easy, but you won't be the first to be in such situations
It is not what happens that matters, but it is what we do to that which has happened that matters

The fact you are down today, doesn't mean you will be down for the rest of your life.
You can always change your situation, just focus on you kid and yourself, and tell yourself that anything you are doing is to give him/her the best in life

Sorry to say, this story doesn't make any sense.

He did the introduction
Things were going alright
You got pregnant
He decided to move to the village to live with his mum
He cancelled the white wedding
You said you started dating in 2008, in 2011 he came to your parents with his intention, in 2010 you separated (hope this was a typo )

A sane man does not do this type of 360 degrees
If you really need help, you need to say the truth and not embellish it.

Did he say you were unfaithful?
Did you have a skirmish with his mom?
Is there any rumour floating around about you?
Did you do something diabolic or were you accused of such?
How come you are paying for your wedding ( 70%)?

You have no obligation to give us these answers, it is your life, but if you genuinely need help, then don't tell us a story that casts you as the good and the other, a villain
With this story, we will tell you what you want to hear and that might not be the right solution

Also it will be helpful to know what you do, and if you both are graduates, secondary school leavers or none of the above.

You'll know she is from the ghetto if her nairaland handle starts with mrs and ends with chima

Am an Ibo guy and i served in Osun state precisely ipetumodu, and they say eku-kale . Some other guys say Eku-joko .They mean the same thing from the perspective of the speaker which is well done.

If you are not working, that is fine, your husband is meant to bring in all his money and you guys then plan for the family.
but if your working and he is and you are spending just his money, Who are you saving your money for?

I have really learnt a lot from this thread, before getting married, i would have to straighten out all these financial issues and if the chic has this mentality, then its au revoir .

The reason we are having many dysfunctional societies is because women have kept on leaving their roles as the home maker and the home backbone and have decided to turn everything into a competition even their homes in the name of feminism.

And before you cynical feminist turn on me, you need to go back to the beginning to what feminism is, not all the stupid and useless meanings you guys have added along the way to mean feminism.

chinwe11: Thanks for your advices/insults sha. I have read them through, and i have decided to help out. I guess the reason why i had to bring this to NL is because most of my frieds kept warning me before wedding that 'DO NOT PAY FOR ANYTHING DURING THE WEDDING. IT IS THE HUSBANDS RESPONSIBILITY'. Even my relatives said the same thing, that in Ibo land its the man's duty. You get lots of advise from other women, this morning, a friend was telling me that after marriage, you keep your money and spend his, and they say that is what happens in thier homes. When the issue of bringing the 80% came up, i got worried,, cos i felt it would be like i was marrying my self. I have enough money to foot our wedding and even double of that. But was just worried it would be like i was marrying myself, or the man might take me for granted. Also i forgot to add that when i said he should borrow, i planned that we would pay back from my money, so it wont just look like i GAVE him the wedding money. Anyway sha i would bring my 80%.

Thanks for all your advises oh! I would post the wedding pictures here maybe! Thanks

Please chinwe. you are moving with the wrong crowd, you need to unfriend many of these so called women, for all we know, they might not be happy in their marriage.
Let me give you a good example, imagine you are living with your brother and he is you best friend, at the end of the month you bring your money and you both use it to pay rent, feeding and other utilities and when you ask him to take care of some responsibilities ( he is earning quite a sum), he tells you that his earnings are his after all you are older and should be responsible for him especially since your parents spent most money on training you, how are you going to feel
To buttress my point, you also know he is going to live in your house the rest of your life.

I have read this whole thing many times and sincerely chinwe if you looked into the eyes of someone you want to marry and asked him to go and borrow money to marry you when you had money stacked in the bank, then you are not ready to get married. Also, you are not matured emotionally and mentally to get into marriage.

I will be honest with you, if i was to marry you tomorrow, and you mentioned that stuff this night, the marriage ends this night.
You should never enter into marriage because of social status or expectations of people around you.
You are not happy outside the marriage already, there is no way you will be happy in it.

You are prolonging the evil day.If i were you, postpone the wedding, take a break from this thing called relationships and read a lot of books on relationships and marriage

Hi nairalanders.

I am getting married soon, but i am getting scared and confused as the day draws nearer (december).

I have dated my man for four years, and it seems things are getting worse. Despite the fact that it took him three years to decide he wanted us to get married (for some reason he wasnt sure for the three years), now that we are supposed to get married i am having double thoughts.

While he is a nice person, i dont just feel the spark. He is very non challant about everything now in the relationship. HE might offend me, and if i get upset, he acts like he absolutely doesnt care and ignores me without an apology or claims i like wahala. When i even say okay, lets talk about this thing you did, he says he doesnt want to talk about it. He did the same about four weeks back, and for the first time (i hardly get angry), i got angry and didnt speak with him for a whole week and he came apologizing and begging. Well after i forgave him, he was all loving and caring for a while, then shifted back. Now i have been asking him we should like go out or spend some time together, (we dont live together o) and he keeps saying he is in a mood, he is stressed, and i am like wth! My problems with him are:


1. Isnt showing much love and affection: for someone who is getting married, i feel that the love and affection, the eagerness should be there.
2. Always entering moods. today he is in a foul mood and doesn't want to talk to me. tomorrow he is another foul mood and wants to be alone (even when we are together.
3. I am the one always doing things for him, always setting dates for us to go out, always making out time for us to see, sometimes it seems like i am forcing him to do things together with me.
4. he doesnt even seem excited to be getting married. When we talk about it, i just get this non challant attitude again. Been asking him when he wants to come and see my people formally, and all i get it 'you are pressuring me', i need to get some things in place first.

As much as i want to get married (will be 29 this year), i am just not sure i want to put up with these attitude for the rest of my life, or marry someone who doesnt seem so crazy about me even though he claims he is.

My question is this:
I know no one is perfect, but i dont know if i can put up with this behaivour or non challance for the rest of my life. to be honest at 29, i am so scared of leaving, as i know it might take a while to get someone else and marry, but i just dont know. MY friends claim i am taking things to seriously, that i cant get a hundred percent man, but at least cant i get 70? i dont know oh. I am really scared. I love this man, but the thought of a sad marriage is making me scared.

You don't love this man, your only getting married to him because you feel time is against you.Unfortunately for you, this man knows, am afraid its not going to get better

I grew up with my uncle and aunts surrounding me in my house and they moved in after they got married, it wasn't easy for 5 extra relations living in the house and to make matters worse my dad lost his job after 2 yrs and my mum was just a teacher; my mum used wisdom , called the sisters, and gave them the feeding money to ration the cooking and the food in the house, in that way the sisters made sure food went round for everyone and prevented my uncles from taking extra rations .


If my mum had said she was the woman in the house and was the only one bringing in money and was ordering everyone about dictating who goes to the pot, it won't be a happy family today .

No one is struggling with you in your house, learn to work and communicate with your husband
Every party in that house was wrong, manage the situation , you are the wife and homemaker , the greatest weapon you need is wisdom

@op, honestly u handled the whole thing immaturely. You were trying to stamp your foot down and in the process of drivin your selfish ambition as the madam of the house, u have created a greater problem.
You've embellished the truth, your husband never hit you, he carried you to the room and dumped you on the bed several times and that would probably be because of your stubbornness
Nothing is more annoying and frustrating to a man than a wife who doesnt listen and want things to always go her way and never diplomatic

It depends if it was amicable.
Am in very good speaking terms with all of them except one which am just in a speaking term

You've made one already which is always sending her money
she has bragged about you to her friends
In her mindset you are the meal ticket.

You are an equivalent to her young aristo senator.

How many times have we seen this kind of things
a man from here goes to Nigeria marries a selfish woman or gives her an impression of who he is not
only for the woman to turn up abroad to get a reality shock that its a hard life

Then they wreck the mans life or the man ends up killing the woman.
You are a nice guy and family oriented, she is not, stay clear off her or you would be back here asking for advice on how to make your marriage work

The greatest advice my dad has given me is love is not blind
and i will tell you mine, love does not cut it.

You are hesitating to make a decision now because you are in love with her now
in 2 years after marriage, it won't be as it is now

Let me tell you how that love is going to die a natural death.

You will get so worked up paying up every bill while you look at an unsupportive woman buying gucci shoes and handbags, calling you names like stingy (cos u are prudent) ; lazy ; comparing you with her friends husbands.
then you would start feeling resentment at a very very selfish and wicked wife who watches you suffer everyday,
then you would wish you never married her, by then it will be late.

You need to re-define the characters of what you want in a wife.
You need to marry someone who is reasoning at the same level with you, someone who understands that marriage is about her building and making her family succeed and secure.

You are about to make the biggest mistake in your life and you alone can stop it.

metaldude: @cc,could u believe that am the first born of the family and I celebrated my 22nd birthday.They reside in Lagos and I school in the university of Port harcourt.

Guy you don old, stop whining like a kid, am the first in my family and to compound the issue, i was born on 27th of may and my parents still forget, infact my mum remembers it sometimes cos she is a teacher and its children's day. I can't remember when last my dad remembered my birthday.

Lets think about important things like climate change joor. Ajebo!!

Is that Mrs Chima's daughter ...lol

lol

Mehn sky-walker, its funny now, but it wasn't funny then.
Even with the oyibo girls, some of the things they said to him, i had to shield him from beating up one in the club.

We just coined a name for them OGBANJE lol!!
Before the guys temper rises, he would say "Na their way OGBANJE" lol

He is back in Naija lol, it was all fun.

As per cap28, i think he is so angry about the whole situation because 95% of the time if an oyibo is smiling at you, they must be gaining something from you.
and it's no surprise that they really don't have any natural reserves or anything to give them money except taxes, yet they live a better life which is being funded by countries like nigeria.

All the money embezzled from Nigeria is in their economy and they are able to manipulate our systems for their own good (that is what i called modern day slavery)

Sky-walker, i agree with you ; cap28 and mar, ; have big issues. Don't blame them though i just remembered my friend, he felt he was always treated differently and the annoying bit would be the Oyibo will be smiling and killing you at the same time. There was this time we went for a house, it was fantastic , the agent woman was supposedly nice, i decided to give her over 200% of what she said was the deposit to show interest.
Only for the woman to send us a mail that we can't get the place at the last minute. when we got there , the woman was smiling and saying i am so sorry. My friend exploded and was like stop smiling at me, the news doesn't warrant a smile, you are racist ,

But in all honesty, i think just 20% of whites genuinely like a black guy, the other 80% are just trying to be politically correct.