₦airaland Forum

Well look at that. thank you very much.

Same to you

JONNYSPUTE:
...I'm not doubting you on this one. I also agree with you that there are some circumstances that I myself might still not see it as a sin.Lets say for example.If it is the only way to save a mother's life.

I also agree with you that her own case is different and needs to be cautioned for her own good.

Where I disagree with you people saying he should mind his business is on the bases of saving the life of a young woman.

Tag me when you want to have the discussion.
Happy Sunday,remain blessed and stay safe .

What if I tell you that depending on the circumstances, I don’t consider abortion a sin or a crime? That’s the conversation I’m not interested in having with any of you because you won’t get it.

( probably not in her case anyway because it seems she is just careless hence will not fall under the circumstances I have in mind.)

But like I said, it’s a conversation I don’t want to have with you.

JONNYSPUTE:
.... You are not being honest here.
He talked about she committing abortion and is about committing another one.
You didn't see anything wrong with that.
Your only concern is that the op is calling her out because she is keeping multiple boyfriends hence leaving the greater crime which is committing abortion and attempting to commit another.
See there are crimes that the op will call out his sales boy like.
If he found out he has pregnanted multiple girls and lead them to abortions.
I don't believe he would have called the girl out if not for the crime of abortion there knowing fully well the dangers that await her.
Do you know that she might not make it out alive if she tries it again?
Let's becareful how we mind our business. That's all I want to say.Peace.

I can’t fault this observation. Seen it at play one too many times.

Keenly observe the issue of immorality and morality. Too coincidental that it almost always arises as a topic of discussion only when women are not towing the line of ‘proper’ behavior as outlined by the social/religious powers that be.

merahki:
I agree with your post.
However @ the bolded? This is what I have come to realise on here. Once some weirdos feel they cannot control other people, they start throwing different kinds of funny, expressive and sometimes unique tantrums. Such people also tend to be inflexible, judgemental and hateful. I think it is a serious character flaw to be like this. In a nutshell, it is a severe acute -on-chronic case of insecurity (usually masked as a God/superiority complex).
Sad, but thankfully such people are usually cowardly, so all the stewing they do is mostly internal. That’s why you see a lot of apologies for wrong stuff in their posts, from their pent-up frustrations.
It is kind of funny, that why I don’t expend my energy on them like that.

Justbehave:
So you would have preferred him to report the girl to the authorities and she might be jailed? Won't you still come and said he reported her because she is a girl?

I would actually not advocate for that.

But I’ll be honest with you, that response was because I didn’t want go back and forth with you anymore.

JONNYSPUTE:
....Let's not see this as a Gender war ok. The truth is that the op has picked interest in her and started seeing her as a sister maybe due to her hardwork and born again statue hence wanted to treat her special.

It's very normal that he will get disappointed finding out such information about her.
And as such,he has every right to caution her since she is still under his payroll.
Look at it this way. You employed a guy to work for you and due to his honesty and diligent working attributes,you made him a manager in less than one year. Then one day you found out that he has been involved in a rape case and fortunately for him he wasn't punished.
Now the question is .. Will you still be comfortable working with him or will you just mind your business since that was his private life and had happened long ago before you came in contact with him having in mind that rape and abortion are crimes here.
Thanks.

Again. Rape is not the same as having multiple sexual partners.

If he would be this concerned about his sale boy having many women, then I’d consider it a non selective morality.

Apples to apples.

Justbehave:
Is abortion not a crime? Why are you ladies like this sef? The guy was only trying to safe a life and you all said he should mind his business. What happens if the girl dies while under going another abortion?

He can actually go ahead and report on that if he feels like it.


If I give you an appropriate response to this, it would be a colossal waste of time, material for another thread and water poured on stone because you’re not ready for it.

My main irk that caused me to even comment on this thread is that someone brought in the rape discussion. Smh

Omar09:
One time you and that coco of girl had a clash and I replied your comment and she reported it and got me banned. Be careful of her. And yes she plays too much gender card. I don't blame her anyway because reality always stares at us as soon as we log off of this platform.

8. Don't post false information on Nairaland.

You don’t know who reported you. But you’re convinced it was me (Probably because your post was not a response but an attack on me. That’s why you’re convinced it was me who did the reporting)
now you’re saying it like it’s a fact, thus breaking rule 8.

Acidosis:
You play too much gender card. I always stand up for rape victims, way before the days of Dakolo v. Fatoyinbo. I stood up for Ese Walters even though she was never raped but a victim of manipulation by a higher authority. I spoke against Apostle Suleiman v. Stephanie Otobo even though the case wasn't related to rape but sexual manipulation by a religious/moral figure.

Well in case you didn’t realize it, the two things are separate issues.

Trying to bring in the issue of rape (in a way that justifies or excuses it because the potential victim is living a “non-moral” life is rape apology.

You stand up for rape victims? Keep doing that.
Don’t conflate what people do to their bodies with causes of rape. There’s only one cause of rape and it’s the rapist.

I play too much gender card yet the truth is glaring

I would have expected all you moralists to be on the necks of those “immoral“ men you encounter here everyday. But for some reason, the issue of morality only seems to arise when a woman’s sexuality is the topic of discussion.

I hear you

Bj5all:
What is your point actually? Are you in anyway supporting immorality? Men that sleep around are fools, women that sleep are fools. This has nothing to do with gender. If i have a younger brother who has multiple girlfriends, without being told I know he has problems. He has problem with lust, he has problem with causing girls pains, he has problem with managing finances because he is going to spend recklessly, he has problem with being focus in what is important in life because he has plenty distractions, he lacks morals and he lacks discipline. As a concern brother I won't mind my business, I will talk and do my best for him to see his faults and probably amend his ways.

If I also have a sister who have decided to also make her life of no value and wants to be the rag for men to use either for fun or for monetary reason, i will also talk.

It's not a gender thing, this is not trying to control women, this is a fight for humanity. No sane girl or boy who is properly raise would want to be sleeping around.

Acidosis:
You want people to talk about rape and 419 but you don't want anyone talk about the evil that people commit in the name of relationship? Things like lying to obtain abortion money, forcing married men to raise bastards, multiple dating with unsafe sexual life and other "private" affairs that force men and women into life threatening ailments and crimes.

Rape and 419 are crimes. Having multiple sexual partners is not a crime (in a monogamous relationship it’s deception that the injured party is justified to address but is still not a crime). If it was a crime, many of you guys (maybe even you) would not be free humans. You are this bothered because it’s a woman.

Mr moralist, we don’t see you blowing this hot and philosophical about men who sleep around. If you were that concerned about morals, go to sexuality section and preach to your fellow men who brag about their sexual misconduct. I shudder to think of what would happen if women had a section dedicated to such open bragging about being sexual deviants. Many of you “moral” men and women who only speak when it’s a woman concerned would have gone mad by now.

These are the kind of things you anti-moralists don't want to talk about but always quick to jump into discussions on rape and black life matters. Why don't we just leave the rape victim and her family in Benin to fight their private battle? Na my rape?

smh. Comparing rape/racial injustices to what consenting adults choose to do with their own bodies? When are we ever going to stop having this inane conversation ?

If one of those boys discover her attrocities and then go ahead to revengefully rape her, of course, you would expect the mumu boss to carry the matter on his head on the social media. We have an example of a "mumu" boss in the delivery man v. LUTH case.

Victim blame, rape apology all in one post.

Again we know you’re only concerned about morals here because it’s a woman who is involved.
If you really care about rape, you would educate yourself to understand that anyone can be raped. Tactlessly trying to make excuses for rape because you hate the idea of a sexual woman shows your true colors on the issue of rape.

You don’t care about rape. You care about controlling women. The oga in the LUTH vs police case is a mumu because he stood up for his 18yr old sale girl right?

The more you speak...

dchem:
I do not compare crime/sin they are all equally weighted. The so called lesser sin lead to the bigger ones the criminals commit. If you don't see the potential crime coming from this lady's present actions then you know nothing.

A potential crime is not a crime.

Again. Mind your business

It’s amazing how many of you guys get hot and bothered about what goes in and out of woman’s vagina who has no business or relationship with any of you.

If you all put the amount of energy you apply in policing women’s sexual activities into policing actual criminals, life would be lots easier for us all.

We all know that oga would not have been on NL crying if his sales boy has 20 girlfriends. But it’s a sales girl and for some reason, that makes him the custodian of her body.

All you have mentioned are crimes .

You are free to report those

bdchange:
When people use the word mind your business, sometimes I wonder in what context are they referring to? How well should I mind my business in the following scenarios:
1. If my neighbor is having sex with a minor in the same house we live in.
2. If my mother treats our maid as trash since I am not her primary employer.
3. If my friend or brother rapes my step sister and threatens to kill her if she talks.
4. I can as well turn a blind eye to the looting of the national treasury by my party members since the money is enough to go round.
5. I can as well remain dumb when I know my colleague is stealing from the company since it is not my money being stolen.
6. I can also close my eyes when I see my friends raping a girl since she is not my sister.
I can go on and on till I have ten pages full of these lists of minding my business. Well any of these will only be my concern or your concern when it happens to people we love, that is hypocrisy. You want to turn a blind eye and yet still have a sane country to live in. Please stop deceiving yourselves it doesn't work that way. Though we can agree that some things are not actually your business. A case study of the example the OP gave about a boss contemplating on sacking his employee because of her personal life. I just had to laugh when I read that. Believe me if employers are to go by that judgement then most of us might be out of work even the OP. Nevertheless some issues are so paramount that you have to make it your business if you claim you want to have a better society to live in.

Classic Rape apologists tactic.

Why don’t you STFU Mr smart and quick.

So all women should stay in their houses to avoid getting raped? Even those who are being raped by people who live with them? Disgusting POS

Akunwafor:
Hmm

Why do you tell someone to avoid cultism if he knows he doesn't want to be killed?

See ehn, you women are simply stupid and retardedd.

Nobody is supporting rape but have you not heard that PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE!!!

The facts of the Uwa case may be shrouded in mystery but check it;

1) The Nigerian government instituted a total lockdown. As such, crowd density in many areas were reduced in many areas, it was especially 0 in churches.

2) In a whole Lagos state, Lagos state o, people were moving house to house to rob people.

Let me rant this one in pidgin: boys start to dey go person house one by one to dey thief, dem no even fear sey street full o or sey police fit show, dem enter street dey rob. Some even send letter before hand.

3) In Abuja and some other states the story was the same.

Prior to the lockdown, ASUU was even on strike.

Now this church was in benin. I fathom it's location is remote and there may be thick bushes around. It may be situated such that the distance may be a distance away from the nearest building.

But the girl went all alone to be doing night reading in a church that has been deserted for months in a remote location.

I mean haba!

Let's call a spade, a spade.

I settle down to read some rape stories and just at the beginning of the story, it's already evident that the crime could have been prevented.

*Don't give your pin code to anyone
Why?
They may empty your bank account.*

*Don't put generator close to your window
why?
It's poisonous fumes may kill you*

*Don't leave your doors open at night
why?
You may be visited by robbers*

*Don't walk around in dark, lonely places at night
why?
You may be mugged, hurt or worse, raped*

The world is not all fairytales and unicorns, police and security agents exist for a reason.

With all the laws, rules and punishments in existence, there is still and there will always be crime.

IT WAS UNFORTUNATE THAT UWA HAD TO FALL PREY TO THIS DISGUSTING, DARK, SENSELESS, VILE, EVIL AND PAINFUL CRIME. And sadly, sometimes, some of these evil things happen beyond our control too.

But the narrative would have been very different if she'd stayed in her house .

CsRockefeller:
Sorry ma'am, what do you suggest the OP does?

I didn’t have to go far to find the answer imbedded within your own posts only a month ago on another thread were a guy was suspicious of his wife possibly cheating on him. So I guess we will use your own words as advice to the OP


In this first post, someone suggested the wife might be lacking attention or feeling insecure in the relationship. Here’s your response. See how you think it’s trash to make excuses for a cheating party? Apply the same energy.

Trash!! Arent u ladies tired of the same line everytime?

I’m also happy you think commitment is sacrosanct. Does this only apply to ladies?

My dear, committment in marriage is sacrosanct

https://www.nairaland.com/5818482/could-wife-cheating-me-advice/1

I assume this thread is for boyfriend and girlfriend relationships.

In marriage, the wives don’t have the option of withholding their monies. Especially not in our Nigeria where a greater percentage of population struggles to make ends meet.

They may not be giving it to their men in terms of “here have some pocket change”. But they are financially involved in making sure the home does not lack.

Will they regret it?

How could one regret helping feed her children, provide shelter, provide education, provide healthcare etc? You’re a parent first and making sure your family doesn’t lack brings happiness rather than regret.

ValCon888:
No romance without finance.
Money for hand, back for ground.

Whether it is an olosho or your wife, this is the story of a woman from the beginning of time.

They should keep sexing like rabbits with a greater chance of procreating while he’s doing nothing to provide for the ones he already created?

Maybe next one will be a set of twins and he will run away from home before mom and come back from the hospital.

Irresponsible men of these days. Don’t want to provide. Don’t want to help at home. Of what use is such a partner if not another heavy load on the woman?

If you ask him to be an efficient house husband so that the wife can focus on providing he will start crying about emasculation.

CsRockefeller:
She divorces him and then what? She stays alone all through her life or probably finds another man who would cheat on her?

Men who wouldn't flirt or cheat in this life while married are very few.

TheCongo2:
Ok this feedback was provided by CsRockefeller and I completely agree with that:

She divorces him and then what? She stays alone all through her life or probably finds another man who would cheat on her?

Men who wouldn't flirt or cheat in this life while married are very few.

Always twisting yourselves into weird shapes and making nonsensical arguments to excuse male infidelity.

Mariangeles:
Heyiii
Biko nyem the bowl of fruits ka'm wee nwuru oku ka anyanwu ututu

I'll share with Hathor I promise

all yours hun

Spicy rice noodle soup.

I was trying to replicate a bowl of pho. Obviously don’t know how to do it. But this was good enough to quell the craving.

Fruit for dessert

nahzyla:
We are not writing long articles to defend leeching
We just want to be appreciated for being primarily responsible for the children's upbringing and keeping the home in order, giving up ambitions and personal freedom and always sacrificing their convenience, sometimes even putting up with oppressive and unjust treatment just to keep the family together
The reason many men do not appreciate the roles women play at home is because they have no respect for women and always undermine them
If the tables were turned and women were told to simply provide and lead while men took over the house and kids that is when you will see multitudes of men appreciating the role of housekeeping
The reality on ground is that many women are going providers in their families, you will hardly see a family where the wife is just idle and waiting completely for husband to bring every thing but many nairaland men seem to be living in some parallel universe where all the wives stay at home all day nothing.

Me too. I get quite some meal inspo from here

Dyt:
Woke up like this


Btw
Moi moi on fire
Will be having with pap
Cococandy inspired that


One thing I get from this thread is meal inspiration
Can't thank y'all enough

Akposy:
I don't get you. Do you mean I can't make corn flour to form white pap?
Your table looks divine!

Yes you can. I just think the wet pap is fresher and tastes better.

Thanks

karli4nia:
O Lord have mercy!! First time I see you posting an African delicacy..
Nneoma

for real?

I post African food more of the time than anything else.

Mariangeles:
I came up with a new puff-puff recipe, then I made it and it was a YaY!
I call it Yaji-puffs

I went easy on the sugar to make it more savoury than sweet, and the flavour of the yaji was on point.

I’m sure you finished it before telling us.

You won’t see them on this thread because they have little to work with in terms of victim blame.

LexngtonSteele:
I wonder what the useless rape apologists joking about these accusations feel with these graphic pictures.

Did they stage it ? Just went for a photoshoot in the hospital ?

Yes there are false rape accusations but rape is so rife in our society that if you check the Crime Section of Nairaland ONLY, you would see 100s if not 1000s of rape / molestation cases.

I pray some of the animals take their terrible mentality to the developed world to be taught a harsh lesson

Ningen:
What is good about this story?

So in your sick and twisted mind; this is HOW rape should be like and other stories are invalid?

Something is obviously wrong with you.

That’s what we’ve been told o.
Any other kind of rape is invalid.

SmileDance:
The man should have at least told us the name if the logistics company the dispatch rider works for and also where his shop is located, he doesn't need to hide those details since we are demanding for justice, we do not know whether his shop is in a secluded place or not until he tells us.

I’m sure that information won’t be hard to obtain . Maybe nobody amongst those who should be doing the investigation has even asked

We see you all. Rape apologists. We see you.

So some shops can’t be in secluded areas? Never seen a ship in a quiet place before?

Y’all never heard of hospitals refusing to get involved in cases that involve police matter?

Never heard of your fellow rapist apologists humiliating victims by asking them things like the same questions you all ask. Like “why didn’t you scream? Why didn’t you bite him? What were you wearing? “

Seriously how is it that the same things you do surprise you when others do it? How is any of you surprised that a police officer could behave that way? My mom taught me never to go to a police station for shelter if I’m stranded. Says a lot doesn’t it?

Why did her father disown her? Maybe he’s the type who believes it dishonors the family name? Like those who ask a rape victim to provide four male witnesses otherwise her case has no merit and as such she would be stoned to death for having dishonored the family by getting raped? Never heard of those people before? Just me? Okay.

We see all of you. Those that would rather cast the alleged victim in a bad light than call for an actual investigation so that whoever is saying the truth will get justice.

Maybe all women should start wearing body cams so that it can be replayed at your requests.

These people are likely coming to the internet because they feel helpless since the police and the hospital aren’t very helpful. They very likely know this man but it seems he believes he’s untouchable

Oh shit

Scary

Classic internalized misogyny. You need to tell her off.
Be firm and let her know you don’t want to be harassed any further about what gender the baby is. Hopefully she will get the message and lay off on bothering you about it.

Many of the moms from the generation of our moms are the chief torch bearers of misogynistic ideologies and practices. That’s all they know and that’s how they were raised. They don’t mean harm even though it causes harm.

You need to consciously be different for the sake of your daughters. Let your mom know she’s a participant and upholder in and of a social practice that belittles her own gender. She does not value your daughters because to her boys are more valuable. Why? Because she believes having a son will seal the marriage? Why? Because marriage to them moms is what defines a woman. All this does is promote stuff that hurts women.

I wish you safe delivery and healthy baby girl.

Your auntie’s behavior was wrong. You need to tell your mom and your sister about your experience. I wouldn’t want my little sister to be treated badly too.

@OP someone said they might be looking for a maid. That’s another angle. maybe that’s their agreement with your mom. Verify from your mom please.

I’m just thinking of your 14yr old lil sis and my mind is not comfortable with that arrangement.
I’m not saying your aunty is a bad person but she behaved badly and you can’t be sure she won’t do the same to your sister.

These things usually happen with visitors that the wife disapproves of. Them wives will agree to the visit at face value because they are too timid to tell the man what they don’t want and then take it out on the poor visitor.