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Family › Re: My Stepbrother, His Mother And His Girlfriend by cococandy(f): 9:48am On Apr 24, 2020

I’m assuming your step mom is the second wife right?
That means your father is also a polygamist.
There seems to be quite some dysfunction going on in all of that. Why did he feel the need for another wife? Did he adopt the kids she had for those other four men?

Same reservations that anyone has about your step brother can apply to you. Prospective partners will wonder what’s wrong or what could go wrong given your family situation. I won’t say his girlfriend is overreacting. I too would have questions.

But It’s left for you and your step brother to make sure not to not be like your parents. Sometimes who you are is enough to make the person you’re getting involved with to overlook your background. If you’re enough, that will be enough for them. Just do your best. And encourage him to be the best version of himself too.

4 Likes

Family › Re: I'm Not Happy With My Mom's Behaviour Towards My Adopted Sister by cococandy(f): 9:34am On Apr 24, 2020

True that. Nothing really new.

pocohantas:
You are wasting your time on those ones. The logical part of their brains would only function if the table turns.

Sometime ago, a woman on this same NL complained of how her husband hates her son-his stepson, despite agreeing to have the boy come live with them initially. All our NL warlords agreed with the man. Implored the woman to take the child elsewhere or BEG the husband. Every woman that agreed with them was a wife material. I remember someone asked them, would you guys say same if tables turn? Will you not remind us how women are wicked to step-kids.

Show me a Nigerian man that would watch his wife bring in a child without his consent- then play daddy duties and you have successfully shown me the 9th wonder of the world. The 8th wonder should be the woman who birthed him.

Travel › Re: Truck Carrying People From North To Delta Disguised As Foodstuff Intercepted by cococandy(f): 9:27am On Apr 24, 2020

What’s going on?

Food › Re: Cook In Your Kitchen, Take Pictures And Post It Here. SIMPLE! by cococandy(f): 8:44am On Apr 24, 2020

Prestonn:
Thanks

dark background is my favorite kiss

Family › Re: I'm Not Happy With My Mom's Behaviour Towards My Adopted Sister by cococandy(f): 8:32am On Apr 24, 2020

jornwhite:
At times i really wish creatures called women can really ration there emotional space with some atoms of reasoning

rude. Sexist. Disrespectful. But I’ll ignore this part

, b4 God & human, tradition and law what is wrong with bringing in a whole human to the family,

Nothing wrong with bringing a human being into the family. However it’s a big responsibility and the person/s who will take on that responsibility has to agree before you go ahead to do it

these is even a child here, not some mistress or 2nd wife

sigh

The logical question here is how does the presence of that child affect the mom/wife ...

with all your non-emotional reasoning and logical mind, you can’t figure this one out? Can’t figure out how a new child might disrupt an established daily routine, house flow, changes in finances etc. You probably “logically” think that people who have kids just wake up and go about their business. Nothing needs to be done to make sure the kids are okay throughout the day. Got it.

what benefits or enjoyment did the woman of the house stand to lose

Maybe time? money? Stress of raising another child? A child quickly approaching puberty and needs a fully committed mom figure now more than ever ? But what do I know? Shows that you folks have no understanding of what raising a child entails. That’s why you under value the work women do in child rearing.

it hurt so much women don't think everytin is clouded by there emotion.
if you are not in support then say what is bad is bad, instead of generating an excuse.

You’re the one not thinking. Rather being emotional. But I guess since you’re a man you must be logical wink

. what’s bad is bad and the OP mom has no right to be mean to the kid. Is OP’s problem now solved because I said it? Or does he need actual solution? You be logical and tell us. kiss

4 Likes

Food › Re: Cook In Your Kitchen, Take Pictures And Post It Here. SIMPLE! by cococandy(f): 8:11am On Apr 24, 2020

GboyegaD:
Dinner:
Fried rice with Chicken.

Food › Re: Cook In Your Kitchen, Take Pictures And Post It Here. SIMPLE! by cococandy(f): 8:10am On Apr 24, 2020

Beautiful photo

Prestonn:
Village kitchen

We pray for peace all over the world.

Ramadan Kareem to all Muslim Brothers and Sisters. May this holy month bring the hand of peace and healing.

God is the greatest.

SAFE WORLD

4 Likes 1 Share

Health › Re: A Mysterious Blood-clotting Complication Is Killing Coronavirus Patients by cococandy(f): 8:09am On Apr 24, 2020

It’s not very mysterious if virus is attacking the liver.
The liver is a main regulator of blood clotting factors/coagulation.
Once your liver is shot, one of the easiest and fastest complications to develop is clotting problems.

Research DIC. Disseminated intravascular coagulation

6 Likes 2 Shares

Family › Re: Someone Pregnanted My Sister And Denied by cococandy(f): 8:05am On Apr 24, 2020

Doesn’t matter.
Wherever OP lives, there are laws to handle stuff like this. They probably don’t take advantage of what is available to them

Charleys:
Madam where do you live?

Family › Re: Someone Pregnanted My Sister And Denied by cococandy(f): 8:04am On Apr 24, 2020

bigmodo:
For that dna test, i dnt knw how to get that guy to do it. He completely turned his back on everyone. My sister has mental issue.

There are different types of mental health issues

Her mental issues, do they pose a disability to her?
Like is she unable to communicate properly in defense of herself or to give consent in sexual relationships? Is she Unable to care for herself in activities of daily living I.e cleaning and caring for herself, feeding herself, providing for herself etc? If yes, then you have a solid case. What whomever got her pregnant did is rape.

Get a lawyer!

Family › Re: Someone Pregnanted My Sister And Denied by cococandy(f): 7:55am On Apr 24, 2020

If your sister has no doubt at all that he is the one, you can sue him for child support . That might entail a court mandated dna testing after which if he’s the father, he will have to pay monthly support.
That’s all you can get. You can’t get him to care if he doesn’t want to. Nor should you try. Men who deny their kids are not worth the stress.

5 Likes

Family › Re: I'm Not Happy With My Mom's Behaviour Towards My Adopted Sister by cococandy(f): 7:48am On Apr 24, 2020

pocohantas:
Don’t mind them. Are they not the same people that told a woman to take her child back because the husband (step father) doesn’t support it?

Some people find it very hard to reason well. See them giving unrealistic advice. Later they will claim to be logical and try to emotionally blackmail you with useless epistles.

You know opinions here often change even if the circumstances are very similar once a different gender is involved.

Family › Re: I'm Not Happy With My Mom's Behaviour Towards My Adopted Sister by cococandy(f): 7:47am On Apr 24, 2020

OP your father needs to appeal to your mom.
That’s the solution of the problem. You being around to constantly defend the child is only a treatment of the symptom. Treat it from the root.

First of all, is your mother a bad person who abuses others often or does she exhibit this behavior only towards your cousin? If the former, then maybe there’s nothing that can be done about it except removing the little kid. If not, then maybe the problem is easy to solve.

Adopting a small child into a family (a child that still needs care and guidance) most of which will come from the matron of the home requires a unanimous decision not a unilateral one. Did your mom agree before this child came to live with you guys?

Also considering that the mom of this kid and your mom never got along, was it wise for you father to bring the little kid into your home? To me that’s poor judgment. No offense intended. Were there other relatives even on her mom’s side that she could have stayed with while you guys support financially?

You can read the posts that call your mom names and posts of people who use this opportunity to vent on their female relatives, feel good about that , log off and your problem remains. Or you can think of an actual solution that will help your cousin’s situation in real life.

The solution is for your mom to want her there, the moment she does, little cousin’s problems are over.
Has her mom (your auntie) ever thought of mending fences with your mom? Even if your mom was in the wrong, things are different now. Your auntie now depends on your mom to take care of her child. If she loves her child, she will put her pride away and reach out to your mom, Beg her forgiveness for whatever happened and see if both of them can work something out as regards caring for that child. Her child. Get it?

Or did she just give the child to her brother (knowing very well that brother’s wife will do the actual job of child care) while she’s over at wherever she is, waiting to hear what brother’s wife has done wrong this time around.

Many of us lack resolution skills. And that’s why our social problems persist for years.
1) daddy should never have brought the kid until relationships are mended for real. Not lip service type. Wonder why many men fail in reading subtle environmental language. They act like they don’t know when things aren’t socially okay. Seriously huh

2) her mom should have never sent her over until she’s done everything she can to make sure the receiving woman is good with the decision. I’d be scared to send of my child to live with someone I don’t get along with.
3) receiving woman (your mom) should never have accepted to house the child until the air is clear and resentment is wiped off.

That kid won’t have happiness until the 3 adults involved put their prides and ignorance aside to settle things.

Family › Re: I'm Not Happy With My Mom's Behaviour Towards My Adopted Sister by cococandy(f): 7:15am On Apr 24, 2020

pocohantas:
Your dad should take her back to her mother.

Men should stop bringing in kids/relatives that they won’t care for, because the welfare of that child would rest mainly on the woman and if she isn’t interested- you know how it goes.

Most men do not want the responsibility of training another man’s child (marrying single mothers). I don’t know why over and over, they try putting their wives in same position they so dread. While it is VERY wrong for your mum to maltreat a child. Your dad is no saint for bringing in the child to an environment where she isn’t wanted.

If you want peace in a home on such matters, appeal to the wife. If the wife is happy, everybody will be happy. Take the girl somewhere else.

Of all the people commenting , no one wondered if the mom was in support of the adoption or not.
Like bringing a whole human being into the family is not a big change.

I’m sure someone will quote me to say I’m in support of her maltreatment to the child. Lol

Food › Re: Cook In Your Kitchen, Take Pictures And Post It Here. SIMPLE! by cococandy(f): 10:13pm On Apr 23, 2020

Legitdimple:
Haven't had this before,I'm sure it will taste heavenly. Your skill is top notch oh cococandy.

Thank you very much.

It was actually pretty easy. Many of these recipes are short and easy.
Our typical Nigerian methods of cooking require even more time and skill than some of these.

1 Like

Health › Re: My Penis Discharges Pus, What Could That Be? by cococandy(f): 9:57pm On Apr 23, 2020

Go for treatment in a reputable hospital. Drug stores aren’t doctors and you run the risk of future infertility if not treated properly

1 Like

Family › Re: My Story; A Troubled Married Man by cococandy(f): 9:13pm On Apr 23, 2020

Okay.

1) But you’re still talking about all the other options that you could be indulging in but are not. And you’re sounding like that’s special because you’re not doing it.
what you’re doing by not calling up one of your countless side pieces right now is the basic requirement. it’s not something that gives you a pat on the back.

2)The fact that you even have countless numbers on your phone that you can call if you need quick random 30 mins sex says all there is to know. unless you and her are in an open marriage where such is allowed for both parties, you do not have any defense for your action.

3)May I ask what you contribute to the family?
You said she has a maid, so I’m guessing between both of them the domestic aspect is covered.

4) Also can you find new friends? Or limit your interactions with these ones? Friends that keep late nights like that and don’t inspire you to do better for yourself can’t be good for you given your current situation.

5) the fact that you return home after your shenanigans doesn’t make you a good guy. There’s more to being a good person than what you do or don’t do with your genitalîa. Why do some men think that staying married to a woman is a favor to her? Women often get told to overlook very bad behavior because “after everything he comes back to you” . No that’s not a consolation and that’s not a substitute for commitment and loyalty.

IdiAminDada:
Blaming her for my actions, no way. I blame her for making me want to divorce. These are two separate things.

What is the title of the thread?

You think I am happy?

Hell, I am strolling out right now, there countless of girls I could call now and sleep with and return home in 30mins.

Am I going to do it, hell no! Since the lockdown, there was a girl that has been asking my friend after me. I heard and voice yesterday at the bar, I took off immediately.

If want to fvck, do you think I will be run when I heard her voice? That life is not me. I slipped once or twice but its not what I want to do like 95% of the posters here suggest. A lot people in Nigeria today take this misunderstanding thing too far. I am battling one at home and its a general problem here on NL. I hate to misunderstood but you can't avoid it on NL.

If you meet my friends, they will tell you I am the different one, the good guy that returns to his wife. A friend of mine easily gets drunk, I thought him how to control his drinking since he notice I am the 1st to stand up and go. They laugh and make jest of me but I still stand up leave them and go home. I open the door, insults. Then I feel like going back to doing what she actually thinks am doing or coming from, but its not me so even if she pushes me, I will not do what I don't want to do.

The only reason I am posting here and not talking to her about it is that her reaction will be totally different from what you will expect if I sit her down to confess and clear things up. Its not as if she will not forgive, but that will become a daily keynote and she will not move on from there.

I wrote a lot of things but the only thing everyone sees is that I cheated. It kind of pushes everything to the background but does it really?

7 Likes

Family › Re: My Story; A Troubled Married Man by cococandy(f): 8:13pm On Apr 23, 2020

@bold, no you don’t.

But your posts depict that you’re not sorry for it and you’re still blaming her for your actions.

So..

IdiAminDada:
So I cheated, i deserve to die or what exactly do you mean. My wife deserves to call every female contact in my phone insulting them.

The one who i cheated with is saved "Office".

My wife ended up calling
Blessing, Esther, Ruth, Linda, and even my first cousin nicknamed "finegirl" insulting them of trying to snatch her husband!

11 Likes

Family › Re: My Story; A Troubled Married Man by cococandy(f): 7:31pm On Apr 23, 2020

As for your wife, I hope she can be nicer to that maid. The maid is not the reason for your irresponsibility. I don’t like it when women tolerate nonsense from their men and then take it out on innocent kids staying with them.

18 Likes 4 Shares

Family › Re: My Story; A Troubled Married Man by cococandy(f): 7:27pm On Apr 23, 2020

The only advice you need is for your wife to do everything you’re doing while you reverse roles with her. See how you like it.
If you don’t like it, then that your answer.
Change your ways.

11 Likes

Travel › Re: My Visit To Willow Wood: Hotel Allegedly Owned By Rochas Okorocha In Owerri by cococandy(f): 7:17pm On Apr 23, 2020

Does it have security?

One of my friends got robbed in one of such hotels when he went home. So much for wanting to stay somewhere nice and private.

Food › Re: Cook In Your Kitchen, Take Pictures And Post It Here. SIMPLE! by cococandy(f): 7:04pm On Apr 23, 2020

I’ll take a piece thanks

eyinjuege:
I wonder o.
This thread is one of the sanest on NL.
Hardly any wahala except when the resident evils need their appeasement
"Make una no come for me o, na joke" Here's something to appease una

2 Likes