₦airaland Forum

Ngokafor:
.....Okay sorry about the 'get a life' statement..it was uncalled for..

......but you are still wrong with your postulations..This news is more of a dent on the Nigerian males rep than the other way round cis i know that foreigners read all we post on Nairaland and form their opinions about us from here too.A good number of them do not excuse gruesome murder like the average Nigerians does as you can see from this thread...fact.

..The truth of the matter is that it is only a wicked,controlling man who maltreats women or his wife that will be cautious like you said..there are countless Nigerian couples living amicably in the US because they respect eachother and the men are not control-freaks the way many are here, even those who do not contribute a dime to the up-keep of the home.


....because of the toxic environment in the name of culture in which the average Nigerian males are used to here which favours them...most of them find it difficult to cope and behave well in sane,normal soceity.They just seems to have a problem with everyone and everything!!...

..They come back home to marry because they believe that home girls are more amiable and can be bossed around easily than tear eye 'akatas' or oyinbo...fact!...and ofcourse their homebased wives have to study Nursing or be a Nurse when she gets to America simply because of the earning power of nurses in America...is that not predatory?.

..Anyway as Nigerian males are migrating to the US ,i can assure you that Nigerian ladies are too(i know a lot who will leave by December this year,both married and single)...


...Rather than whining about how they brought their wives to America only for her to 'misbehave'..i am of the opinion that Nigerian males should change their mindset about marriage giving them the 'lord and master title' regardless of how bad they are


....I know that most marriages of American women and Nigerian males ends in divorce as well..hence their(and the singles) rush back home,only to have same problems again..the fault is in you guys and not Nigerian women.

..have a good day.

cyrilamx:
in every life facet, there is control...even in animal Kingdom. Why do companies have span of control and not let everybody act with his/her discretion since we all reasonable and matured adult as colleagues?
A man must have authority over his home that include his wife...am not canversing for dictatorship in the home, rather mutual respect based on our roles and man and wife at home. The pro-women law in western society is the reason of too many broken homes. We continue to read horrible stories like this as long as the fat earning salaried wives employ the female chauvinistic laws to torture their hubbys. It is sad.

FortuneTeller:
As a Nigerian woman living in the America, I know this is rarely about a woman trying to oppress the husband. It is about Nigerian men wanting to live by the same rules of Nigeria. Do you expect a woman making $31/hr to hand over her paycheck to her husband in the name of respect? Do you think a woman earning her own income has to put up with a man cheating and bringing STIs to her front door? It may be ok in Nigeria, but it won't be ok in the US. Nigerian women do not have to suffer through marriage under US law. They do not have to be mistreated by their husbands in the name of false respect. Respect goes both ways, but SOME Nigerian men cannot handle this. It doesn't matter if he brings Ifeoma from the village. When she realizes she is contributing equally to the marriage, she will request equal respect as a human being.

Caveatemptor:
At about 06.00hrs this morning Moji sent me a what's app message that I should meet her at NNPC early because she was going somewhere with her mum. From my home to the petrol station was about a fifteen minute drive,so by 06.20 hours I was parked inside the NNPC petrol station awaiting Moji and her mum.
I put a voice call through to her line and told her I was waiting for her. She told me she would be with me in about 10 minutes,however from the background sounds itvwas obvious she was in her house and not yet ready.
30 minutes later Moji and her mother were no where in sight. I was worried about sitting in my car in a petrol station without buying fuel. I put another call to Moji,reminding her that I worked in Ikeja and my work was time based,again she promised to be with me in 10 minutes time,but from the background noise it was obvious she was still at home.
By 15/minutes after 07.00 hours,I was ready to climb a wall and was completely exasperated. My boss was calling me that I was needed in the office.
At 07.30 hours,I was still in the fuel station when Moji called that she and her mum were at XYZ petrol station. I almost hit my head on the dashboard. Moji calmly told me that her mother,wanted to see me and that I should turn round from NNPC station and drive down to XYZ station,in the background I could hear her mother shouting at her.
I just started my car and drove off. I found her to be very unserious.
When I got to the Office, Moji called me to tell me her mother said I must be a ritualist. I found that amusing and told Moji I did not owe her money. I was just trying to help because of the kids. I advised her to go to a bank and get a form for a savings account. She was reluctant. I offered to send her recharge cards of 5000 Naira for her to sell and open an account. She was reluctant as she said people would think she wanted to defraud them
I just gave up and told her to try and open an account,send me the number,then I would contribute my widows mite.

baby124:
Moji, a lot of Nigerians survived by their mother's selling Eko, moin moin, Amala or dry fish on a small try on their heads or in the market. Some their mother's and grand mother's took up housegirl work to feed their kids. A lot of them did this with their kids on their back or while heavily pregnant. Here you are, very comfortable and well fed to the extent that you lack scruples and will rather prostitute than work hard. Until there are reports of you working hard for your mother, please count me out of donation . When there is proof for at least a month worth of hardwork, someone should mention me.

tearoses:
How are you all dear?

tearoses:
I believe in people and I believe that people can change if given the right motivation, mentor and love
I know that moji has been/is a very naughty girl, but I believe that moji can still make something good of her life if she is pointed in the right direction and given the right support and of course if she herself is ready to change.

It seems like a crash right now, but I believe that its possible that she still becomes a pillar of society

Currently she is pregnant and I am not sure how the pregnancy is treating her and how capable she is to work or finish her beauty course.
we are all different and pregnancy treats us differently
I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum and there were times during my pregnancy that I thought I will die before having my baby
and at a point medical abortion was suggested to me by my medical team.
I dont know how moji is feeling so her pregnancy needs to be taken into consideration
If she is strong enough then she needs to get out there and get busy ASAP

Lets also not forget that no father figure has been mentioned in all of this
sometimes single patent families do well
sometimes it affects
I know how close my daughter is to her dad
that relationship suddenly lacking in her life will def affect her.
it seems that moji was equating sex for love and so she needs counselling around this area
she was probably looking for a father figure in her life

deep in her I am sure she already feels bad and disappointed in herself about everything, hence her lashing out
Anger in itself is an emotion of frustration
Onegai please forgive moji

My first kid is an adult, so I know what its like to be a mother to an older kid. You can only advise at that age. You should have done all your looking after and putting them on the straight and narrow much earlier in their lives as that is what they take into adulthood.

Moji was failed and moji has failed herself. but its not over until its over and I believe that she can still make life better for herself and her little ones.
she wont be the first or last to come back from a bad start but the ball is in her court.

Dr Thorpido thank you for everything. God bless you
Please do what you can to effect peace between mother and daughter.
Unfortunately my mum is not around or I would have engaged her. she is retried so has time.
but I will link her and Moji up when she is back in town. You cannot have too many mentors and mothers.

Moji if you are reading this
I am disappointed
I am sure you are disappointed too
however, the ball is in your court
You can play it or drop it
God has given you another chance with all the people he has put on this thread surrounding you wanting to help you
if I were you, I will grab at it if only for the sake of my children
Your mother is your mother
You are a mother too so whatever you do to your mum will come back to you too one day.
do what she says
it is mandatory to honour your mother and father
Get up and go to the shop with her Today
Start being responsible from NOW!

discusant:
The richest countries in the world have no crude oil. It's foolish to attribute Nigeria's recession to dwindling oil revenues.
Misrule of Nigeria through a most dysfunctional governance system is responsible for Nigeria's recession. The political structure and governance system enrich politicians, mostly the political class in northern Nigeria.

Northern Nigeria supported by some elements in the Southwest reject political restructuring. Let them bear the brunt of the recession as the east leaves Nigeria.

shaybebaby:
Yup, that's right. But you have to admit though, he is deep. Does the school system inspire or stifle creative thinking?

Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky tacky,1
Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses
All went to the university,
Where they were put in boxes
And they came out all the same,
And there's doctors and lawyers,
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf course
And drink their martinis dry,
And they all have pretty children
And the children go to school,
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
Where they are put in boxes
And they come out all the same.

And the boys go into business
And marry and raise a family
In boxes made of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

2dugged:
all of us

fellis:
Why are people acting as if 2dugged is talking nonsense? Are they foreigners or they don't have experience with Nigerian marriages?
Why she said is plain truth and what obtains in Nigeria unfortunately. I know a woman personally, my aunts husband whose husband was cheating on her with the female students in the universities he lectures. He even had the audacity to receive phone calls from the girls in the presence of the woman. What didn't she do to change him?
She complained to his sister who was the relative he was closest to in the house, told her to talk to the man. She became superwoman with two jobs taking care of finance and housework to prick the man's conscience, she became sullen at home, gave him silent treatment, tried sexy dressing (anytime we went to her house we would meet her wearing small shorts and handless tops and this was an old woman with five children o) she ended up being frustrated and constantly complained at home for him to stop cheating, would even bring herself down to the level of calling the girls to warn them off but the man just continued sleeping around like a shameless dog without caring about the woman's feelings.

When she finally called family meetings to report the man and say she wants to end the marriage he started feigning remorse and they told her the same thing they tell all women, that please forgive him, he will change henceforth. Go home and be a good wife to him don't let Satan ruin your home.

After the meeting they went home and the man went right back to cheating on her. She gave up and asked for a divorce and he refused saying if she wants to leave she will have to go without the kids because he didn't want to end the marriage she was the only one that wants separation. Today they are living apart and the kids are living with the man but occasionally visit her.
All the members of his family are blaming her for the separation saying she is a heartless mother and she could have stayed for her kids. She. She's the heartless one. Not the useless dog of a husband that was exposing his wife to STDs. No. She is the heartless one.
During her kids last birthday which was held at the man's house everybody shunned her because they see her as a bad woman that used her own hands to destroy her marriage and abandoned her kids afterwards.

This is just one case I talked about here. There are others that I won't write. Leaving a cheating husband in Nigeria will most likely spell humiliation and loss of respect and even children in some cases that's why many women stay in marriage with cheating husbands not because they are not educated or independent.

And this trend isn't going to change anytime soon because Nigerian men don't respect women enough to be faithful to them and because many women have refused to fight for themselves and stick together. They would rather fight each other than face the men that cause them difficulties.

2dugged:
do you also know that in some tribes, women are not allowed to return back to their fathers house after marriage?, do you also know that society tends to shame a woman who leaves her husband for what ever reason?,it's not about being independent, down here, most women are the bread winners of their family, but end up putting up with nasty husbands because cult/religion has made it seem like husband is the crown of a woman, another reason why you see people quick to shame unmarried ladies as if it's a medal, and when one decides to speak against it,she is tagged a feminist

jnrbayano:
Iji emezi gini?

Houstency:
Real live observations by a Nigerian in U.S.A.

If you plan on coming here, i have some tips that will save your life

Forget about the America they show you on the T.V
They're thousands of homeless people sleeping on the streets Los Angeles, New York and the big cities
There are places in the USA where people still live in the cave, doesn't wear clothes or shoes and no electricity or running water
There are places in New York that are 100 times worse than Ajegunle

USA is the country where you get killed for wearing a Nike or Jordans sneakers worth only $120

In the USA, you can't just walk into some streets or neighborhood you don't know like you do in Nigeria

Do you wanna know how dangerous USA is ?? Come to Compton or Chicago, you will live in Afghanistan for 7 years without being killed, you can't live in America for 2 days without being killed or your friend being killed


20 of my friends were killed last month for nothing, just sitting in their homes and they were gunned down

1. Don't argue with Americans, they're the most ignorant people on earth

2. Don't get in trouble with anyone, buying a gun is very easy, you walk into Walmart, give them $100 and they give you a gun

3. Americans glorify violence, if you go to jail or kill someone, to them you're a God, killing you will make them feel accomplished, so don't try to argue with anyone

4. Don't go to nightclubs

5. Don't go to the ghettos

6. Mind your goddam business

7. When stopped by the police, give them all your information, license, registration, proof of insurance, don't worry about going to jail if your your driving papers ain't up to date, you will spend only 1 hour in jail and you will be bailed with $65

8. American police are trigger happy, do whatever they tell you to do, don't argue, in fact lay on the floor immediately they ask you to

9. Americans talk too much like women, don't waste your precious time talking with them

10. The most dangerous country in the world is USA
I'm from Nigeria and have been living in the USA for 12 years but i go to Nigeria every 6 month.


Let me tell you, the very first day i came to America, i landed in New York city, i was so disappointed and wanted to go home immediately
Those fantasizing about the USA are those who haven't been to America

USA is the most dangerous country in the world
Chicago is just a city in the states of Illinois, they're the murder capital of the world, Detroit is the second, California is the third

I've seen about 200 murders in the USA but i haven't seen any murder when i was in Nigeria, how is Nigeria or Africa dangerous ??

The police will kill innocent people and at the end of the day, no charges, no jail sentence, there will still be in the police force

As for the citizens, A child doesn't know who his father is because his father is in jail and will never get out, the child will have kids before the age of 23 and before the age of 27, he commits a murder and gets a 70 years prison sentence, the cycle continues and never stops
Killing people is nothing to them



The number of murders that occur in Chicago and Los Angeles in a year is greater than the number of murders that happens in every country in this world put together

Always remember, USA belongs to the Indians, these people from the great Britain came into the USA in 1776 uninvited, killed all the Indians, raped their women, took their lands and named it "USA" and you think they give a fucck about your life ??

In all, if you guys can't cope with the hardships, come back to Mama Africa. No place like home!

Eketem:
She sounds a lot like one lady who came here before.

I am guessing it is the same person.

She " married " a guy when they sent her to school in South Africa, he pushed her to prostitution she came back and refused to help her mother in her shop because people will " see her"

She was advised and counselled she resorted to insults then she wanted to return to her abusive ex who had not married her but she was referring to as her " husband ".


I think it's the same person same story line. She said she couldn't do local and cheap braiding because she doesn't understand the " Nigerian system " Tearoses will remember the story as she tried to counsel her to start small but the lady was having none of it.

She blames her mother for everything and feels entitled doesn't listen or take advise.

Mindfulness:
So what are you guys actually disagreeing on? It seems to me that you are actually on the same page.

Mindfulness:
I share your position with regards to this discussion here but education is not only good for making money. The value of education goes beyond that. When I see what people vote for today (Trump, extreme right-wing parties in Europe that promise nonsense, let me not mention Nigerian politicians ), I wish peole had an education. Moreover, uneducated mothers are more likely to raise ignorant children. Let's not reduce education to one benefit, it has plenty.

Mindfulness:
So there is no room for development, change and progress in marriage? You have to remain the same for the rest of your life? It's impossible, isn't it? Change is inevitable.

raumdeuter:
So what happens when females after marriage decides she doesn't want to work after getting the necessary education should she be left alone to choose what she wants? Also can the man also decide not to work also and be left to decide what he wants


Or can either partner decide that even though I work, I don't want to contribute financially to this family? That my money is my money.

If self domestication also okay?