yongg:

This works for the seemingly good one which could be subjectively argued.

Basically children are visitor you have invited into your home some need better handling than others because humans are basically different and all these you put up here aren't the only things that come into play. Things can get so subjective that you'd think that you are referring to the same grade and manner of discipline.

How else would you explain why a so called problem child would experience a great turn around when he or she is exposed to an open mind tour guide ( that allows you non threatening doses of consequences of self made choice not imposed 100%)

It really doesn't matter the grade or manner of discipline.

I bet the OP has siblings who didn't do half the things she did while in school, yet they were all raised with the same manner/level of strictness.

How would you explain that?

taiocol:


How many bright students do you know sef. You think because a student is bright he/she won't party, smoke or keep bad company? Or is it the same religious people that are specialist in pretence?

Only someone who was/is not serious in school will type such a thing.

sassysure:
See great opportunity u are missing.

If it's me, by the time I finish using her head, she will become cook, cleaner, planner etc. Any outside fight or gossips concerning me, she will be my defender. Me, I go dey cruise with shakara.

U can even make the devil like u and do your bidding if u set your mind on it.

Start by going to saloon for hairdo.
Take her with u, u wanna fix acyclic, do so for her. U do 5k hair,do 5k hair for her, and allow her to chose. U can even snap her after the hair with your phone, she want to loosen her hair, do that for her, she will volunteer to do yours. U ask her to choose which food to cook for dinner,even if u don't like her,tell her Oya,let's go and cook.
Jist,u love watching naija dramas,a very good avenue to establish bond. By the time u finish with her, she will become your number 1 fan.

One day she will tell you about that Jonny who is disturbing her or Ben who disvirgined her. Never ever judge or condemn but listen. When she gained your trust, u can advice subtly.
That babe is your surest card to get your inlaw to love and respect you. During your dark days with your husband's family( sure it will come), she is your only way out.
Don't fukkk it up with this me and my hubby ish. It hardly happen in our society.

Be wise

Game Theory 101

Kai... and dem say make I no like you. How?

kazyhm:


You spoke my mind.........I can say its the mom that is even responsible for all that.......her actions portrayed her dad as been outright wicked......training a child with divided approaches is more dangerous.

This is a very good point as well.

A united front makes it impossible for a child to see one parent as the bad person while the other remains perfect.
Terrible outcome.

funmisticqueen2:
i never said i was egalitarian. That must have been someone else. Where did you all get that assumption, comparing me to Hitler is nothing new. You're definitely not the first.

That man had the guts to get what he wanted done, regardless of his flaws or who went against him. I respect that.

If you had nothing reasonable as a response, it may have been better to just shut it, take your L and move on.

Now you respect Adolf Hitler.
Are you okay?

FeliciaOja:
It is now I understand what being strict
does, it makes you live a life of
pretence, cos when I got into
University I wanted to explore everything  I didn’t ve the chance of doing at home.

I drank alcohol like crazy, smoked
weed, hang out with rich boys, partying, doing drugs but when I go visit my
Parents, I still act like that innocent girl they ve always known, My Dad’s strictness led to my Pretence, if he had drawn me close like my mum did, I would ve been a better kid.

All of that happened ONLY because of your bad decisions and the wrong kind of company you kept, it wasn't due to the style of discipline you were given by your dad.

If you had been involved in more profitable things like hanging out with the brightest students who spent their time studying and sitting at the front of the lecture hall, or perhaps you joined a religious Christian group and made friends from there, you would not have had anyone to drink, smoke, party, or do drugs with.

Your mom who wasn't strict, why didn't her relaxed disciplinary style have any effect on you?

Learn to have some personal responsibility for your choices.

Is there anyone from a husband's family that you women can cope with, without any fights/disagreements?
Mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, friends-in-law, even the dogs-in-law are not safe.

I taya for who no taya for una.

funmisticqueen2:

Why would a poor man want to continue his lineage and transmit poverty to his children.

I just read your comment again and noted this.
While I found it odd, it's more funny that it's coming from a person who claims to be egalitarian - fairness and justice for all innit?

In an attempt at making a flawed point, you inadvertently exposed your absence of humanity - the real you, no?

Tell us though, what's the difference between you and Adolf Hitler who believed that black people (yourself included) are a sub-species more animal than human, and the world would be better off not having black people continue their lineage and transmitting their animal nature to unborn children?

Kindly explain how your poverty theory is so different from Adolf Hitlers'

Sixfeetbelle:

Cancel the last two. No one in our movement is supporting that. We want her working in order for her to have/enjoy her good life on her own terms, and if she can't be pushed on her own to do it, extra help is appreciated. See, even though we fight for cultural emancipation, it doesn't mean that all our soldiers are warriors. Besides not all of us are of the same opinion about how to deal with men. Some want men totally incinerated, others want them staying only in their lane like they were meant to.

Oh please, extra help (financial) is ALWAYS needed by Nigerians wives from their husbands.

We should not kid ourselves...

rockstarB:

Real good o. Men should forget about trust and have DNA test done on their kids. See women here normalising paternity fraud.
How many women will come out true about a love child when she can go for the easy route which is paternity fraud. Love child of a man and woman can never bring the same consequences.

Who no go nor know...

I have always been an ardent advocate of compulsory DNA tests, especially in this fast world we are presently living in.
Personally, I can't have that kind of blind trust to not have DNA tests done... certainly not after it has saved me from paternity fraud.

China, a country with over 1billion people that made it a compulsory requirement for birth registration, certainly had the right idea.

funmisticqueen2:
My family tree is made up of people who contribute to society in different parts of the world. On the other hand, A family tree of ne'er do wells is not worth fussing over.
Which is what most people that take this thing seriously are. Why obsess over a family tree when you have no legacy to leave behind?

Why would a poor man want to continue his lineage and transmit poverty to his children.

Do you know them and their family members personally?

I honestly thought when you claimed a family tree is NOT important, you were talking about yours. Otherwise, I don't see the point of that statement.

rockstarB:

Doesnt still make sense to me. There is nothing like maternity fraud. A woman sure knows shes raising her own child aside the case of hospital mix ups. A man shouldn't be made to believe he is his the father of a child when he isn't.

Maternity fraud...

Thinking about it now, there's no such thing.

Men dey suffer sha

funmisticqueen2:
it is not

Your family tree is not important or worth existing?

Sixfeetbelle:


Your wife is someone who will thrive better working under someone. There are people like that. Not everyone will do well in business and I have a few family members as testimonies. However since she was working before you got married, get her a job again. Use your resources if you have to. Then cut off a part of the spending and insist she fill it up with money from her job. Once she realises she has a goal to meet every month, she will think twice about quitting her job next time.

Stop enabling her with money. Learn to tighten your money bag

You ladies despite your fight for cultural emancipation, still end up betraying yourselves when you make statements like, "get your wife a job", "start a business for your wife", "give your wife money for upkeep"...

I always wonder if the wife being referred to, is some kind of less-privileged person or a degenerate that needs to be helped financially by her husband before she can have a good life of her own.

Naija women... Kai.
I thought we wanted to be modern people, all of us.

bukatyne:


@bold:

Not everyone.

Definitely not Buka.

There are the lying types to these things...

sassysure:

It is o.
It's intense and it's effect can be felt generation after generation.

It's serious and can become lasting/intense ONLY when someone like the OP takes it too serious and lets the emotions overcome him.

Which is why I'm advising him to not take it serious.

UncleJJ:


Go figure. .. Married women in Nigeria, losing interest in their husbands.

The only reason a Nigerian woman will lose interest in Oga is like you said .. she's sleeping with someone outside.

Nigerian women don't let go of their husband so easily.

Potbelly .. who cooks the food? Some women even work overtime to ensure Oga develops a potbelly.

I tell ya...

Lol, sibling rivalry brewing up slowly.

Take it easy...
It's not that serious

So she wanted to have smokes with you, but you told her you couldn't because she's a married woman.
Then she's all up in her feelings and ignoring your messages, only for you to come on the internet to get an explanation? Lol
As in, you're genuinely worried that someone whom you haven't known for very long, a married woman for that matter, is not talking to you anymore?

Na wah for some of una wey I share gender with oo... don't you have other things to do OR other women to chat/smoke with?

Please let her be.
If she wants to get in touch with you, she will... You've already done your bit by sending messages.

Don't walk the thin line between desperation and niceties.

bukatyne:


And good old revenge.

And it is easy for such people to snap because anyone who would marry someone for revenge is not in a balanced place.

That too...

Agbagbaregoo:
I just met this lady and everything seems to be clicking. she just started a business after I gingered her and I had to patronize her. in the course I transferred some money to her to patronize her far more money than she was selling the Stuff so as to encourage her. The bank debited me and I told her I sent it. Throughout that day she claimed not to have gotten the money. Then throughout the next day same story so the third day I went to the bank to receive the statement of account. lo and behold her name was boldly written and the bank people told me she has gotten it. I got very angry and sent it to her but I didn't tell her anything I just ignored her call. A policeman asked for her number at the bank that he will question her. throughout these period I ignored her and I was just imagining how a beautiful light skin tender looking babe will behave like this. Then lo and behold today the bank reversed the money. I can't explain the feeling of disappointment. Now she said she doesn't want to have anything to do with me again that she doesn't want wahala for her life. She finally picked after many trials of calling and she insisted on me leaving her life.she even said she's not doing business again. I don't know what to do.

That lady doesn't need you or your money, let her be and move all the way on.

What exactly is the problem?
Do you want to beg someone whom you were simply doing a favour to continue the business and take your money? I don't get it...

Trophy wife...

She feels she has arrived and her intention is to enjoy life under the financial benevolence of her husband...I've seen this happen before, not even once.

You simply need to take control and tell her you're having none of that.
However you choose to do this, is really up to you.

Married women are losing interest in their husbands because fvck boyz are doing an excellent job on them outside.

The only advise that husbands of such women need, is to ensure they always do regular checkups to ensure they don't contract anything from their wives, and compulsory DNA tests on every child born to them.

bukatyne:


For me, that is a very red flag.

Someone treats you shabbily and you go ahead to marry them?

My next question is why?

Questionable self-worth, unhealthy emotional dependency, lack of confidence, etc..

UjuJoan2:


Who among us didn't treat a toaster bad? Do you know what it feels like to be in your prime and have so many men after you? It gets into our head, even the best of us.
Some men are so desperate that the only way to get rid of them is to insult them outrughtly.

But this poster made a mistake, you never go back . . Never. It's like a golden rule. You don't insult a man today, and then marry him tomorrow.

So oga knows she married him because she had no other choice, of course his own shakara will start now.

So yes, she made her bed . . . Let her lie on it

You're my woman crush today.

In my opinion, the man should never have married her after all that negativity she threw at him. Him sef get im own for body...

For now, they should manage themselves together.

Well, UjuJoan2 once said that anyone who gets treated bad in marriage probably deserves it because they treated their partner bad during courtship.

I figure that this situation applies to this theory.

KevinDein:

Biology is a misogynist.

Nature is a misogynist.

bukatyne:
Nairaland is anti everything:

Women, men, boy children, girl children, feminists, anti-feminists, Christians, Muslims, Athetists, Igbos, Yorubas, Hausas, APC, PDP etc.

It is not a woman only problem.

It is a reflection of our values in Nigeria.

Indeed...

Yet only one group of people are crying about their own, while most others are...

Victornezzar:

Na your girl?
Sorry oo...

SweetCunt97:
Abeg him grammar too much jor... Interested on what ground exactly? No vex me abeg

You knelt down to save your marriage.. Okay, but from what exactly?

Because if the ONLY thing you did was to complain about her inability to sweep and clean, which then prompted her to move back to her parent's house...then you're a degenerate for going to beg for her return.

ismoney:
Why the pic? That’s truth. Do you think otherwise?

You're everywhere my brother, and I'm finding it difficult following your line of thought.

Perhaps you should just go with SweetCunt97's suggestion regarding her cousin. She herself might even be interested as well.