If the marriage has gone to a stage where both spouses are considering separation or divorce, is it reasonable to still have sex once a while?

Please, what are the general limits or spousal privacy in modern day marriage. It is very common for some spouse to tell his/her partner, "that is my private/personal life", "that is my business ".
These days, the private parts (genitals) of married couples are easily accessed than their phones or computers. Is the phrase "better half" a mirage?

Second question: How would you respond to your partner who deletes most of his/her sms and whatsapp chats before he/she can let you into his/her phone?

Richy4:

If he dies in the hands of an abusive wife, They will not put the children with him in the grave... within 5 years, they will adjust...Life goes on... Highest thing, the wife will mourn him for a year full stop...

The last thing I will do nowadays is to advise a man to leave his loving and caring family... If the relationship is really unpleasant, he knows what to do... E never begin pain am.. when e start, I believe my brother will know what to do...

If you read my 1st response, I strongly support him leaving. But my suggestion is that he works on himself mentally to be able to detach without having a mental or emotional breakdown. For most people divorce decision is not made within a day or hours. He needs the mental strength to do it. And he needs to build that mental strength 1st.

tayo60:
If you don't want to die untimely, divorce that devil you called wife. U can also move out of the house to somewhere else to finalise your divorce. Send upkeep to her to for your children. This thing is so common among the Igbo women.

For someone emotionally attached to the children, divorce is not that easy. It needs a lot of emotional and mental work. I can tell you that the OP feels stuck. I am on same path, and I know it 1st hand.

Barrister026:
I know This will come of but am tired and frustrated, am not a weakling but my greatest mistake was to marry someone who is huge and bigger in size and strength than me. am a lanky dude edging towards my 40s, any small quarrels we had at home she use her strength to overpower me.. flogging me with my belt I used on my trousers and pressing me to the ground...I have tried several times to make her cry when the altercation leads to fight..but I can't she always overpowers me..all the people in the community nw is aware of it.
I might hit her once, she hit me twice.
Just a little words, she start cursing me out loud.

She even boast out loud to neighbors that she will wound me nothing I will do. I feel suicidal because of this, my families are ashamed of me, mediating in our affairs. The way she disrespect me in front of everyone is alarming.
I Know this will lead to several abuses here online, no worries but I really need help on how to curtain this situation.

The little money I earn can't satisfy her or her needs, she keeps on comparing me with other men.

We have 2 kids together, have thought about divorcing her several times, but the mental effects this has gotten on me is painful.


The insults you think you have crafted for me won't have any effects, because am seen worst from neighbors who knew about this my situation. Advice on what to do will be much appreciated

Guy, you are in a loveless marriage. No respect, no love, no loyalty. She is there only for what she can get, and answer MRS.
Accept your fate, start couching yourself to accept divorce as an option. Find materials on "Radical Acceptance " and read/watch.
In the meantime, play safe. Don't have any verbal or physical confrontation with her. Just focus on your divorce strategy.
It is not going to get better. Even with a marriage counselor. They never change.
I am going through a loveless, disrespectful disloyal union too. But mine is without physical violence. It will only get worse! Work on your mental health and make move for divorce before she kills you and start flaunting herself as a widow to seek sympathy.

In many cultures, there are different adages or wise-sayings that interpret as "any marital conflict is settled on the bed". Many have taken this to means whenever couples who had any conflict have intimacy, that conflict is automatically erased.
What should the order of things be?
A. Seducing your partner into love making and forgetting the conflict or misunderstanding?
B. Talking things over, then rewarding yourself with a good lovemaking?

Why do I ask?
My partner believes that if I am upset about something, we just need to have sex. Once sex is involved then I cannot air my grievance. If I insist about talking things over, she will label me "unforgiving", "wicked" etc. She hardly demand for sex, except when she knows I am angry.

How do I deal with this lifestyle?

Pattypatt:
So why put the blame on the woman,why did u not put it on the man

People like you are the reasons I save all WhatsApp conversations with my exes. I also record all phone calls between us. You People will lead men on, then turn around to blackmail or blame the men.

When you start using endearing names on your ex, chat him up at odd hours, dig into his privacy, and most commonly beg him for every financial favors, what were you expecting?

You better not be one of my exes, because I will cast you soonest.

Ekpeitut:


Akwacross bro

And you answer Ekpeitut? Mbòk kunam nsak!!!

Ekpeitut:
I can bet you they've got nairaland in their crosshairs. They're just testing the waters to see how far they can go with gagging free speech. When they're fully convinced Nigerians will only shout and do nothing then they will roll out the big guns and start banning websites like nairaland.

Remember you heard it from Ekpeitut.

Dah!

Your username is a bomb! I hope you know the meaning. But if you are not from AKS, never mind.

savemeas:
Large quantity of lemon fruit available for sale. Interested buyers should please contact 08038164614

These are not Lemon, but Limes.

walkwithgod:


It's very obvious you don't live Nigeria with this write up. Lagos State that traffic is an major problem even Albert Einstein cannot figure out, unemployment at an all time high, ease of doing business is a Herculean task..

Lol!
It is obvious you don't understand SARCASM! The person you quoted is trying to ridicule the OP, which is very unnecessary in my opinion. Many people abroad wish to come back home. Sadly, many of us believe that the grasses are always greener on the other side. I wish we can look into ourselves once more before we self destruct the little that is left of Nigeria.

May God forgive the ediot that made the statement.

May God forgive this stoopid Hon.

Erums:
Poco has done well to improve his mum business standard. But i fear she might still wanna go back to do that or sometin similar... Passion is what drives... If someone doesn't come to buy a wine in a day... She no go dey alright, and she won't be able to exibit her cooking skill anymore....

Weldone poco

You are very correct. Packaging the mom's bolle biz would have been better. Like giving her a permanent shade or kitchen with space for customers to sit. Convert firewood grill to gas powered grill. She would have been happier and more suitable. Now, she will have to fight for customers acquisition in wine business.

Very good intentions, but poor delivery!

Olannajewel:
thank you, but I have been making him proud, I adore and appreciate him, I am not a bad woman, I just want a little romance, friendship and compassion from my husband.. this has been going on for 4 years now, I don't own my life, tomorrow is not assured, am I wrong to want to feel like a woman from my husband. I read so hard,more than i should, just to continue making him proud. But i need a friend in my husband. Thank you

Babe, I hope you will be patient read this.

I am in your shoe, only difference is that I am the man.

But I can boldly tell you that no respect or worshiping of your husband can erase the disgrace of sending your nudes to a guy via sexting or video call. A guy who has any intimate picture or video of you will blackmail you soon. As others have stated, you have all to lose.

The worse form of cheating is emotional cheating. If you must cheat, do it without exchange of digital images. And do it with someone who has something at stake to protect like a reputation.

Don't shop for a fuckmate on social media. You will live to regret!

jahsharon:


The demon that completed the Kaduna-Abuja Railway. The demon that completed the Ajaokuta-Itakpe-Warri Railway. The demon that has almost completed the Lagos-Abeokuta-Ibadan Railway. The demon that current Senate Minority Leader Senator Enyinnaya Abaribe publicly begged on the floor of the Senate to build a Rail-line in the Eastern corridor. I think you are the demon here. You do not like good things nor good news.

So Rotimi Ameachi is now a demigod because he has completed few rail tracks in your region. God forbid, if he does for his people, same you will call him names.

If we continue this way, then one day, we will begging this politicians to pass on the roads constructed with our collective wealth.

So, Abaribe begging Amaechi for rail tracks in South where Ameachi's kindred can benefit is now a thing to brag about?

Kontinu!

back2sender:

See your foolishness. Please provide proof
Meanwhile the post is about pension so why bring up a diversion, pdp e-rats are just olodos like thier mentors!!!!

I like the way we insult ourselves just to please politicians who don't even know that we exist or care to know the pains we are all going through.

Keep up!

NwaAmaikpe:



He was just detained on the 26th of September and she's already crying out for his release.
Is that how sex-starved she is?

Governor Ayade should gift her a vibrator so she does not interfere as justice runs it's course.

No critic of government must be spared.
This is the Next Level.

Are you for real?

Are you human? Sometimes we think we are joking on faceless forum like this, but indirectly incurring curses for ourselves.

Poverty mentality or unnecessary pride will kill most Nigerians. If I can go into my friend's house and dish food for myself, should I expect my mother to take permission before eating in my house?

Please OP, if it were your mother, would you bring it here?

How can they exclude the primary and secondary schools, even when the students at that level are not up to the age of consent?

I applaud this Bill, but statutory rape is what happens when an adult has sex (with or without consent) with a minor. So, the bill should include secondary school abeg! Even though the penal code has covered the secondary schools, we know it is rarely applied, so the Senate should include it for EMPHASIS.

Donkenny511:
Na wa o

Na ego dey kill most of the ladies wey dey use vibrator. You need gbola u go still dey form instead make find one better guy wey no get work to service you.

Sadly, it is not ego. It is due to the kiss and tell habit of our guys. Guys tend to brag about girls who give them "green light". If you now suggest you need their "gbola", they will make sure every d1ck, Tom, and Harry hears it. That women are dying in silence is men's fault.

I knew this man. 2 of his kids were same class with me in Secondary school and he used to visit them.

His 1st set of Children are in their 40s now, and I am not surprised at this kind of poster they made for their rich dad!

atnerjennac24:
Most people use natural gas, diesel oil, propane, kerosene or electricity to heat their homes. Most homesteaders will give you a few homesteading tips but this one will top them all.

• Switch from fossil fuels to other methods of heating your home!

In many cases, they have little choice living in the city. But, the prices are going to skyrocket within the next few years, which means you have to work harder to earn more money to pay for it all! Inflation and wages never seems to keep up.

The alternative for rural dwellers is wood heat. This source of heat will always be my favorite. It makes me feel warm, I can cook on it, I can bake with it, and it just seems more natural than burning fuels and paying commercial prices.

Home Made Wood Stove

The indoor stoves today are considered expensive but are more efficient than the ones used in the past. Gases can be recirculated to burn more efficiently and they are less prone to drafting when the door is opened.

Seasoned firewood is the best choice to get the most out of your wood and to keep the chimney clean and free from soot buildup.

However, there are some people who consider stoves to be messy. Fortunately, there are alternatives.

Go Geothermal

Geothermal heating is the new alternative. It recirculates heat from your home into a well or large pool, or ground area filled with another substance, and helps maintain even temperatures.

The return air is heated if necessary by means of an electrical heating unit. Because of the electrical unit they are not suitable for solar, wind or alternative electrical users.

Use Outdoor Stoves

An outdoor stove has one advantage over an indoor stove and that is cleanliness.

One other advantage is that you could burn any piece of wood that fits into the stove. Some people burn straw and hay or other waste material such as tightly packed newspapers.

The outdoor stove heats water in an open boiler and electrical grundfos pumps circulates the water into a hot water tank in the home and another pump circulates the water through water lines in the floor or radiators throughout the home.

Burn Pellets

Pellet stoves are the latest fashion. The pellets are made of compressed sawdust which was almost impossible to get rid of years ago. A hopper is used and it is much easier than cutting a supply of wood for the winter, but more costly. You could make your own pellets.

Convert To Corn

A Corn stove is installed into the home like a wood pellet stove but burns corn through the hopper instead of the pellets. Some stoves are designed to burn pellets or corn. Some higher end models may allow wood to be burned.

Use In Floor Radiant Heat

If you have power into your home you may want to consider quiet radiant heat. There are two ways of doing this.
The first way is through an electric water heater and a circulating pump pushing water through lines installed in the cement floor or attached under the floor along the joists. You could also use an On-Demand Water heater for this!

The second way is through electrical heat tapes placed under the tiles in your home.

Both methods radiate heat from the floor upwards into the home. When the floor feels warm – the whole house is warm.

The only drawback is that they take a long time to change temperatures.

Use Solar Water heaters

If you live in moderate climates it is possible to heat your home and your hot water with solar batch heaters fixed upon your south-facing roof or leaning against a south wall. A circulating pump will do the rest and you may only need moderate backup heat at night.

If you are on a tight budget you can build your own solar water heater for less than $100 dollars. You can make several over time and link them together for even more savings. Click here to find out for yourself.
================
More at morninghomestead.com

This ya advert is in a wrong platform. This forum is for Nigerians, and last I checked Nigeria is in the tropics with average daily temperatures of between 27-35 degrees Celsius all year round.

Bring something else! A cheaper alternative to diesel and petrol generators.

In a country where security forces investigate crimes, it wouldn't take long to discover the foul play in this. Why would he destroy his SIM card. Just asking for a call record from his service providers will unravel the truth. Chances are that he was killed and hung there. If he actually chew his SIM card, he would have spitted it out during the agony of death. Someone must have placed that SIM card there!

This is really sad if true.

Where is @sarrki and other APC supporters?

One of the first major projects that PMB's administration harped on when they started was the launching of the Ogoni clean up as recommended (or say ordered) by UNEP. The kick-off of that exercise which was well covered by media houses within and outside the country, took place about October 2015. Just last two weeks, a friend and colleague who is from Ogoni visited home. When he came back, I was curious to know the status of the clean up exercise, as I thought it was well advanced. He told me that nothing was done or has been done after the launching ceremony. I don't have any reason to doubt my friend, but I can't still believe that such a noble project backed by UNEP was a hoax or an avenue to compensate political supporters.

Please, people from Ogoniland, ndi APC supporters, activists in the house, what is the status of the UNEP backed Ogoni Clean Up launched in 2015?

No other reason except that sex is becoming cheap and women are learning fast from men. You guys are here talking about before wedding, how about after wedding? Sex is no more regarded as sacred.

Pavore9, I always appreciate your informative and inspiring threads/posts. You mean well for Nigeria!

All year farming and thinking outside the box is key.

Hi,
I signed a petition to House of Representatives: Federal Republic of Nigeria which says:
"HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES STOP THE NGO REGULATORY BILL"
Will you sign this petition? Click here:
http://citizengo.org/en/87221-house-representatives-stop-ngo-regulatory-bill?tc=wp&tcid=39952965
Thanks!​

Evidenx
HarmonyDee

PapaBrowne:


I am developing some good quality Hass Avocado seedlings. Would be read early next year.

Where are you located?

Acidosis:
Am I missing something pls?

OP has not come to beg anyone for a job, he didn't say her sister is poor or hungry either.

What has money got to do with infidelity gan when, in fact, it is easier to cheat on a career/business woman than one who spends all her time at home?

@OP, if this is the only major issue they've had in the entire 5 years they've been married, then there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

See this analysis;

1. You said your brothers and your sis' neighbours called to inform your sis about the new fruit seller, right?

The Nigerian society always stalk such events. There is a way the society monitor married couples without kids; they stalk them from afar; talk and gossip about them hoping that one day a new girl will emerge. Even when the new girl is harmless, the society will create their own version and spread it like wildfire.

Your brothers on their path are agitated, they're overly worried especially knowing how some married men in such situation wander away.

2. Is this issue the only major crisis your sister's has ever had in the 5 years of her marriage??

If the answer is YES (in capital letters), trust me, the man is simply angry that after all these years, her wife still doubts her faithfulness! If the man has proven himself as someone to depend on over the years, your sis may have to apologize (especially if her confrontation concerning the issue was rude).

3. Lastly, it could be that your sis' husband is tired of the marriage/childlessness. He's 45, some men in his shoes give up on their marriages even before they clock 40. All marriages suffer some crisis at some points, I believe there's something your sis can do to remedy the situation without necessarily begging like a child. She could sit him down in the middle of the night, remind him of their vows, how and where they started, what the future holds for them, the challenges they've both overcome in the past, etc.

Seriously, majority of the crisis couples face can be resolved indoors. If the man has not cheated (as in slept with another) yet, she's still a winner.. The only person heading towards destruction is the fruit girl as that man will never marry her.

Sadly, the bold is the problem of modern Nigerian women , they have to look down or castigate others to feel good about themselves.

On the topic, the man has no respect for himself or the wife. I suggest they see a counselor if possible.

Do you have Avocado? If so, what species and what is your location and price per seedling?

Thanks.