₦airaland Forum

Kimoni:
Are you kidding me you looked leapacious in ur facial pix I saw. I thought you would be like 60kg worst case.

Yes o ..I don't get it I see people that look like my size and they say they are 71kg. people I look bigger than on the other hand say they are 90kg I guess that's why they say our bodies are different

I have lost count o.. I think Saturday was my Day 21 and day 5 of Level 2 not too sure.I also did a 5k jog/run in the morning

Yesterday was ....... :-XI on the food and exercise front.

I sha did 50 weighted squats with my 2.5kg dumbbells and 3 sets of 40 secs planks in the evening( make I no lie it was all the guilt of cake, jollof rice and malt I ate) but no energy to do JM.

I lost 4kg in July ( 82kg to 78kg) my target is 71kg( which is the healthy BMI for my height) so I am hoping to do better in August.then I want to body sculpt and maintain after that.

Food has to be super clean so help me God( all this holidays,owambes,bbqs,birthday etc are not helping sha) but I am trying to be super disciplined this month. I am in this group where people are using calculator, measuring cups,calculating the calories in even veg portions( although I agree that fruits are a tricky one due to the amount if sugar trying to limit to or 2 a day ) I nefa discipline reash that level o . haa make person no come dey worship this body and vbecome OCD. I am getting scared because I tend to become OCD about certain stuff. My daughter has started telling everyone ' that's unhealthy and will make you fat ' and I know say na me.


Naijababe oya come should we should mix up the 30 abi is it 90 day shred with some Azonto?

;DLOL @ throwing out of the boys thread. Na real throwing out

B

netotse:
You are on point!

@edwife, damiso, naijababe and all,
let me give my perspective on the youthfulness, singlemumness and what have you thingy from a more general perspective. Caveat, I'm not intelligent enough to concentrate for long periods though, I tend to drift

As a man, being the head of the house is not up for argument, it's a fact that exists much the same way the Sun will set in the west and rise in the east. It's not something to be discussed, personally I don't get into arguments about submission and what not because for me being the head is not an enjoyable task, it's something that is expected of me. It means I'm responsible for the unit, its failures are my failures, its successes are mine as well, being the head of the family exposes you to the burden of command.

Anyone that thinks being the head of the family is a cake walk doesn't yet understand what responsibility is, such a person is like a soldier that is still tripped by the fact that all his subordinates snap to attention once he passes by but has failed to realize that he is responsible for their lives. In civilian terms, it's like someone who just got promoted and is tripped by the fact that his approval limit is now up to a million naira from zilch, he is yet to realize how much value he is expected to create.

If I'm going to bear that burden, it makes sense for me to choose the best team/unit possible, I need to be sure that the burden I carry will be worth it. If I'm going to have to protect, provide for and love a woman for the rest of my life I'd be darned if I choose a partner for whom my ability to give my all would be in doubt, in simple english, the juice has to be worth the squeeze. To some, it might involve youth, to some it might involve tribe, to some it might involve intellect but the fact is that the man(and of course the woman too) owes it to himself to give the union he will head the best shot at succeeding.

This is what we face as men, so pardon me if I try to analyze women down to a "T", or if I relegate the mish-mash of hormones(or what have you) we call love to the background, the fact is that I am on a mission, it would be nice if you loved me and worshipped the ground I walk on but then if that means I have to lose site of my mission then to hell with love(well sorta...lol).

Truthfully speaking though, love or whatever we choose to call it is part of the factors we need to consider and so it cannot be thrown away but the fact is that for some men it might not make the top 5 considerations for choosing a marriage partner.

So we don't get accused of trespassing again and also because I don't have energy for typing , I agree with most of your post. my stance was more against the thought of the perfect mould it or fit is within the 'a particular age range' . I agree TV01 did say he was not being prescriptive.
Kimoni ,tearoses and tollu have also made valid points.

Don't worry we will stop encroaching on your 'zone'

Chillis:
Yimu

I most times have 2 eggs for breakie.

Look what God has decided to bless me with..

Twins!!!!!

And today is 1 august

Everything N'a double double.

Never seen that before too o ....

This was my breakfast.. Green smoothie ,kale,kiwi,cucumber,green grapes,banana and coconut water.

Not worked out today but been up and about since about 7. Will def get something in before the end of the day.

edwife:






Beauty is pain personified.....
(Edwife 2015)

Me I want thr beauty without the pain joor

tearoses:
Me too oooooo
Even Ewuro and Dami are beginning to sound strange
Must be something in the water on this thread

wetin me and Ewuro do o.

I don't even have energy to speak(Abi is it type) English again. TV01 is kuku speaking to the boys so e no concern us.. All I know is I pray my brother/son marry a good woman that will complement them whether or not they are age mates or 10 years older.

;This OP is very posh o. Are you not the one who was asking why people take food off planes? I am sure you went to Swiss Finishing school.

Its just a colloquial expression that caught on just that its not English e.g 'Bae'( I personally hate that word)'yeah right' 'duh' etc etc

Lighten up joor ,life is not that hard. And we cant all be 'polished' 'sophisticated' and 'cultured' .Just keep being the cultured,spohisticated polished person that you are and let others be.

cococandy:
Pls take it easy o. Ha.
Instead continue on level one indefinitely as long as you don't add any weight. you guys look good already. I don't know why you want to lose may more weight. Just maintain.

Make the JM woman no kill person for us.

Thank you dear ..we want to be like Edwife that's why.Beauty is pain abi how she dey talk am

TV's advice was spot on.

Just to add to that when having that heart to heart conversation try to leave out too many emotional outbursts( I feel you and I know that it is an emotive issue and you might have to pull at his heart strings ) but try to adopt a goal/resolution approach to the issue.

Try to get him to commit to realistic timelines as well and not just vague ' I will do it'. i.e . lets works towards the end of 2016 beginning 2017.

Finance might also be a factor and you might have to be prepare yourself maybe take a cut in what he provides at the moment so he can save toward reuniting the family.If you have your own income sef volunteer to contribute towards the costs no matter how little I.e little little stuff like paying for administrative and documentation on the Nigerian end. That way he wont have the excuse of affordability.Visa and residency costs can be really high especially if he has to employ the services of an immigration lawyer.

It is well with you and your home.

moca:
Damiso we r cool o.
Thanks for asking after us.

Hope u and family r chillin?

I dey envy u guys here o.

We are well thank God envy ke

I just want to curl up somewhere and wake up and sleep for 7 days straight just eat,sleep, bathe and watch movies/series non stop.
kisses and hugs to your lil princes. Hope you feel much better now.Just take things easy , I have been where you were a couple of weeks ago. Try to take long walks if you can find someone to leave your older son or even both of them just take strolls in the evenings,you are getting in some exercise and also clearing your head.

Gosh my shoulders ouch . I used 1.5kg weights today I cant come and die.


Day 19 Day 3 of Level 2 done.

cococandy:
Jollof rice
Spicy chicken wings and coleslaw

Haha. Wrong thread. Forgive me guys.

You are allowed besides the portions are not humongous.

cococandy:
thanks dear. I'm not spitting or throwing up....yet.

Hopefully it remains so.

congrats dear. don't worry when I cook ayamase I will post to you.

And WTH happened on this thread.

thorpido:
@bolded,i hear this often from single girls especially those who may have heard stories from moms or aunts.I just don't know if those who seek the 'olorunsogo' are fulfilled at the end of it all.They won't be that 'new model' at some point in time.

That's why I was telling Pickabeau that children one way or the other imbibe certain values on what they feel the marriage institution should be from the marriage of their parents or older people around them. This could be negative or positive.

As for the olorunsogo bit, that's what happens when marriage turns transactional( what can I get from this union and the men too are not any less guilty) and I wonder too if there will be fulfilment in the long run. I guess what can termed as fulfilment varies from person to person.

At the end of the day though its left to you and your partner to fashion out what you want from your marriage. I have aunties who snicker at the use of the word 'our house' or 'or car' their mantra is never ever ever reveal or share your finances with any man.If you want to buy a house buy it in your name or your kids name(that is a model that I like sha).If he buys a house in Ikorodu you too buy your own in Gbagada. All you keep hearing is 'my house his house'. And I don't blame them to a certain extent. I understand it sef but I will not build a house behind my husbands back. If it gets to that extent where I feel have to do that I think it would be better to stop deceiving ourselves that we are married and just go our separate ways.

pickabeau1:
Note you are speaking in the context of the westerners

East the gap has always been solid

It's just reducing now...

Eastern and western Nigeria you mean abi?

Yes I guess so.

naijababe:
Sambarry, you are the Yoruba movie aficionado, have you watched Inu fufu? I just watched it on Youtube, very nice movie. Not many good scripts like that out there.

tags : tearoses, edwife, damiso & Ewuro4

Ok will check it out .

Ewuro4:
Dami you're right my parents are 3 years apart too. Infact all my uncles and Aunts married their age mates.

Hypergamy or marrying for status as TV on the part of the woman is more prevalent in the younger generation. Of course the older generation saw 'potential' as well but the women at that time did not mind starting from the bottom and building up together.

That said a couple of women in that generation got betrayed after struggling and starting together with their men only for them to be traded for newer models after the men made it or became comfortable

Some maybe the younger generation have just decided to just be the 'newer model' no more 'surulere' Na 'olorunsogo' dey now .

naijababe:
Two years or so, that is nothing o but 10 years, walahi I will ask questions jare



There was an 8 year gap between my first serious boyfriend and I. Dami, it was no picnic...........half the time I conversed with his friends in English because I did not want to call 'em brother and many of them took offence citing my lack of manners as they all knew why I conversed in English. Omo, i dunno jare, each to his own.

Indeed.. Which is why I say it's down to the actual individuals involved.

I also think anything over 10 years is a bit of a stretch but some people do make it work.

I don't think it's a matter of old school or new school jare.

Most or all of my parents friends who they went to sec school/ALevels/Uni with have a very small age gap difference.Almost all of them married their university or sec chool sweethearts. You should have seen them all gisting about their great ife(not OAU) or UI days when we had family functions.Those who went to university in the late 60's &70's tended to marry their age mates.My mum said girls who dated older men or sugar daddies were generally looked down on. All of them started life together from the bottom, when my dad married my mum they did not have a sofa. My mum bought her first brand new car before my dad as she worked in a parastatal and they gave them Car Loan earlier.

Dare say I hypergamy is worse in the younger generation in Nigeria.

naijababe:
I was thinking about that too, imagine her bringing home some guy who is 10 years older I will ask plenty plenty questions o

Aunty kile mean

Just joking though ,my mum did plenty investigation and asked questions on why hubby had not had a serous relationship that led to marriage in his 30's(she and my dad got married in their 20's).

Guess sometimes you can't always help who your child falls for.

However I rarely ever remember the age gap to be honest .its my mum that says ' o baje sha won no she ba oko e Soro shakala to won ba biyin ni ile kana broda lo ba ma pe' meaning see how you talk to your husband de you know you will be calling him uncle if he was your relative'

naijababe:
I hav no problem with push ups now but that was not always the case. I started on Natalie's team.............Damiso, I am staying with my 2kg weights, no increments for now as I don't want my shoulders to break off.

I thought I was the only one my shoulder wan break

naijababe:
She is the one that pushed me to get back into gear today o. Kai, I have joined team Natalie again

Me too on Monday I 'tried' to do Anitas plank jacks abi wetin she call am, no one told me to switch back to Nat yesterday

naijababe:
opella is a real fitness winch! Choi, why did no one warn me that level two is on another level? Omo come and see plenty 5s rests mehn, na like say I wan quench.

Day 1 of level 2 completed today, chisos!!! Diarisgodu oo!!!

I felt that way too esp at the walking push up I swear the sweat that engulfed me after just like 20 seconds no easy.

and to think queen 47 did level 1 & 2 plus jogging.

naijababe:
Dami, boda ti o danu kwanu? Eleyi o da o

Its true naa...

TV01:
Excuse me If it wasn't what the guy was after - papers acording to Jaybee- she could not have snared him in the first place. Belly is not a disqualifier for men . Isn't the new woman younger and hotter. The bro' has some sort of status. You lot won't gree me !


TV

For some women maybe. Me I don't like men with 'pot belly'.

One of my own 'benchmarks'

Kimoni:
Sure I got you.

I know quite a few too oo and you wouldn't even know. Don't mind TV jare. If all men were like TV, so many women will not be married in this world. His list is endless - single mothers, matured singles, matured married...widows and divorces should not even bother...awon aye

This one too.. na me and my calculator brain sef that worked it out when one did 40th one year and the other did 2 years later.(like its my business) .But you would never know.

Just to add maturity is not age, I once dated someone also older than I was but was verrrrry immature. He came from a well known family so its not like there wont have been financial security and this is not just inheritance but they had political clout and marrying into that family would have also helped me career wise. Its just that the boda was what yorubas called boda ti o danu coupled with still being a bit tied to his family's apron strings.You know those kind of spend now think later people. I just could not keep up and ran away.

naijababe:
Which outlier? If Yetunde bustline was a big girl pocketwise, Tunde woulda gone nowhere. Na dashed expectations make the man run jare
His response to her was all about how she is on benefits and whatever else

you people wont kee me

That yetunde bustline sef no try the guy even had pot belly yuk yuk eewwwww

Kimoni:
But sincerely Damiso, I would not also have married a jobless person oo and even while dating in school, I had to satisfy myself of your potentials. But the funny thing is I got married to my age mate and I never ever dated anyone that was over a year older than me. I never even gave it a thought to date someone much older, maybe they never came my way sha. I met people from my classes, youth meetings and Orientation camp. But it still didn't change the fact that whoever I was going to get married to would be able to provide at least the basic needs for his family, not that his plan in life will be to provide meat and ask me to buy pepper.

I was just trying to highlight that times are changing and men are beginning to look at the earning potential of their future wives. These same guys were in Unilag,Osu etc at weekends but would most likely prefer earning wives.

I also don't think its wise to marry a jobless person.

It depends on who comes your way jare .and the individuals involved. I know couples with different age differential( and even one where the wife is older ) and I think its more about meeting that person that complements you.

Kimoni:
The younger female singles are more likely to tick this box before marriage than the older singles. As a man, the lower you go, the higher the probability that you will be the sole breadwinner. And this is the reason why many guys will not marry young these days. They just don't have the means to provide fully for the home. But where you go for a matured single, she will be better able to share some of those responsibilities with you, down to the very basic ones sef. Well, times are hard so guys prefer this model now. Just that like I said earlier, you might then have to compromise on your "headship" or those things you consider ur basic right as the man of the house. Like the lady saying she would hire a chef and guys descended on her, but it's reality. He who plays the piper dictates the tune abi? But when two people are jointly playing the piper nko? They must both dictate the tune.

The first thing my FIL asked my husband then when he took me to him as his wife-to-be was - are you sure you are able to provide for this lady and the children that will come out of this union? That question is becoming more and more irrelevant these days.

When working in naija one of the first question you got asked by guys/colleagues who you wanted to hook up with your friend is 'where does she work?' No lies o.

bellong:
Well, the issue of age should be individual's preference. I don't think there should be a rule of thumb to that part. Some prefer very young ladies, some age group while others prefer older ladies.

In my early twenties, I initially wanted to follow the footstep of father Abraham but lost the interest before I was ready for marriage. While marrying a younger person is good but I don't think it should be a guideline. Age should be sole discretion of individuals. The younger lady will also become old. The headmaster was once a school boy.

Bellong has saved me long turenchi this afternoon.

TV01:
You are right, it is down to the individuals involved - and every case is unique. I did say generally and advise the range as a rule of thumb, not a precise measure. On the flip side, I think you and others are being to "generalist" A loose plan/idea is better than none

Funnily enough, it's women that ideally want this - in some cases moreso than men who do not always think long-term. Think amongst the couples you know; the male will typically be older (and taller ).

Think back to Uni in Naija, how many jambite girls dated jambite boys - I no get sniff as jambite 0! Female hypergamy demands higher status in males and that usually comes with an age difference.

I was referencing it in particular with reference to sexual compatibility for this convo, not even status. As an ideal, it tends to work for both parties on many levels. People have just lost sight of why.

Afterall, speak the truth, how many Naija women consider their age mates "small boys"? Or even those proximate in age. How many girls dump guys when they can land bigger - and often older - fish?

And it's global. Afterall, I did not coin the adage "half your age plus 7 years". That's a particular Western saying. Only now the West is shaming men who marry younger.

All the women who partied or focused on their careers are hitting their 30's with no suitors, and asking where al the good men have gone? Into the arms of younger more nubile women.

Men are instinctively drawn to nubility and youth - it speaks to child-bearing. Dem's the facts. I'd wager my last dollar your relative youth was part of your DH' attraction. I'd also bet you've called your age mates "small boy" and would not have given a fellow jambite a look in !

Speak the truth - all y'all


TV

TV01 I never called my mates 'small boy' funny enough. I try as much as possible to try to look past stereotypes when dealing with people. I cant type long turenchi this afternoon cos I have a lot to do jare .And yes I would have dated a jambite if he was my type but all the ones I knew were hustling to enter clubs(urrggh).. my first boyfriend was actually just one year older. he was in 200 level while I was a jambite.

But I don't agree with 'benchmarking' the age of a spouse. You could have a preference but I honestly don't think its wise to let go if you meet someone who fits EVERY other criteria but that preference.