₦airaland Forum

Thanks for the awareness you are creating on this thread Aisha2 God bless you

Babymama1 hope you feel better soon.It is wel with you.

Pap smears are so uncomfortable but definitely worth the discomfort.thankfully our daughters generation might be spared at least one cancer due to the HPV vaccination.I sincerely hope cancer research eventually get there one day for all forms of cancer.

@CC eeya .That's not nice at all. You are so right our people sometimes can't understand customer service ethics esp when we believe we are 'busy' and sought after.I had to get someone else to co admin my FB page for when I am unable to respond to queries and even then when some messages are not caught I apologise and apologise . With my tashere business I have attended and read so many social media marketing articles and not responding to queries is a big No no oh well its her loss.

Get oyinbo to teach you jare once you get the general gist its yours own creativity and designs that you will incorporate.

Naijababe how you holding up sis

Ewuro1 miss you YPP too

Btw I think(not too sure yet ) a very very popular male nairalander is married to my friend.uhhhm I dey watch you with corner eye.


Happy weekend everyone

naijababe: Not yet, will go at the end of the month. She's been buried already , par Islamic rites.

That thing can be painful eh but it can't be helped.
Take heart hun

naijababe: Thank you Idgirl

@ damiso, at least you nor tell me welcome to the club , the lord is indeed my strength. Thank you so much sis.

It is still raw now so I will be nice I won't be mean like all those my friends(and hubby)who kept saying welcome to the fatherless children's club don't mind me I know they were just trying to make me laugh

It is well sis are you in Naija?

Naijababe I am sooooo soo sorry. I was going to send you a PM as i wondered if you were ok but never came round to doing so.

It is well sis

Inna lillahi wa inna rajiun may Allah grant her al-jannah firdaus

E hugs and kisses my NL sister.

Mummy did a good job and you and your siblings are a great legacy she left behind.The pain will heal don't worry.

TV01: I’ve often wanted to write more exhaustively on this subject, but just haven’t been chanced too. I don’t believe I can do it full justice here, but hate to let it pass without comment. I’ll try and respond generally-specifically and hope it helps.
First, the situation here is not one of “incompatibility”. In as much as sex is a bio-mechanical function, the male/female sexual binary in humans means they are inherently compatible.
Secondly, they have a child. Intimate functionality is confirmed as fully operational in this couple. Sex is first and foremost for procreation. In all likelihood, inability to conceive will always be a long-term more serious issue than the actual pleasure of sex, and is more likely to lead to marital breakdown.
Thirdly, your “colleague” did not complain about the actual pleasure of the intercourse, this sounds like an issue of frequency – that is libido differentials.
Libido almost always varies between couples and is more notable in the medium to long term. This is also one of the reasons why test-driving will often give you a false positive, as sex when a relationship is new and fresh can be quite lustful and frenzied for both parties.
Longer-term, when “normalcy” kicks in, a clearer picture of the differentials emerges. Men typically possess 5-10 times the testosterone levels of women and are typically more libidinous.
Whatever the case, couples need to discuss this openly and seek to explore ways of mutually ensuring the satisfaction of the other. This will probably mean compromise, with both taking time or turn to stretch – for which read sacrifice (put-out) – to ensure fulfillment for the other.
Longer-term, a myriad of factors can influence libido in both partners. Pregnancy and childbirth is one that particularly affects women – but studies show a marked libido reduction in husbands as well.
Stress and the burdens of leadership can also lead to reduction or even temporary impotence in men. Whatever the case, all of these situations can be worked on and the mutual desire & support of each is key. That is why finding a spouse who is totally committed to you, with your long-term best interests at heart and comes to the union with a loving, sacrificial posture is way more important than test-driving.
There is no one-size fits all solution. Each couple should come to a place of mutual agreement and satisfaction and be ready to vary it as appropriate. Sex, whilst very imprtant and a great "binder" is not the be-all and end-all of a marriage. Please don't obsess or compare as you look for greater heights - which is good even if there are no issues. Make your sex-life yours, not your idea of what others think it should be.
Lastly, the differential here is the more common male high, female low (at least for now). For men, the pleasure of coitus can be interspersed with instances of “blessed relief”. Please tell me you understand? as too say more would make me blush.
Please offer your “colleagues” sound counsel. And congratulations you are now officially the office “ water-cooler sexpert”
TV

I have always said I can't speak English I am going to consult my dictionary in order to understand this post

TV01: Thanks & a big amen to your prayer, may The Good Lord smile continuously on your home.

I think of the Naija Trad as the day, my wife prefers this - the church - one. I still managed to not get cards both days ! I find cards so pointless, but I know I should make the effort as she loves them - and of course she got me one. I need to make amends.


TV

It must be a man thing my husband too thinks cards are pointless.I was tempted at a point to stop getting him cards but I won't.I just downgraded from Clintons or Hallmark I can't be spending £7/£8 on a card(with me getting 2/3 min depending on the occasion) for someone who finds them pointless.He too now makes amends(even though I know that those cards are last minute tesco/sainsburys buys ) but truly it's the thought that matters.

Amen to your prayer and May He continuously Grant us the Grace to finish well.

rebella: Congrats ladygogo, lovely gown.
Damiso try bkunique hair, their products are good. I ordered off aliexpress once and I basically threw £200+ down the drain, the weave tangled and shed luke no man's business. I had to throw it away after a few days use

Ok I will check them out.

Happy wedding anniversary TV01 May God continue to keep and bless your home.I so feel your 'one of' wedding anniversary days thing We have 3 but just choose to celebrate the white as the main the main.

Ladygogo you have given me the confidence to go ahead with ordering weaves off Aliexpress.Been told by 1 or 2 other people but was still wary but now you are now a 3rd witness.Will see if by adding custom duty that DHL or UPS often add when importing still makes it cheaper than just buying from uk retailers.

Godmystrength: Is hubby and wifey are one, then i see no reason why checking on each other's phone is not a good habit

Above quote first point.

2nd point if husband and wife are ONE (which I subscribe to in the biblical sense) at what point does HE remember this ONENESS in unrepentant adultery?

Even apostle paul said 'shall we continue in SIN so that grace might abound. ? God forbid." So of what use is me praying for God to "change" him if there is no genuine repentance and he is operating under the premise"its normal for men to cheat"?

As I said I will pray for wisdom, grace to forgive (unforgiveness is a huge thing for me) but pray for an unrepentant spouse to stop cheating? Mbanu that decision lies with him.

ogawisdom: God is able to change a cheating partner in a fraction of a second forever. Dnt underate prayers

I am not underating prayers . You saw where I said I will pray for myself for God to give ME the wisdom to deal with the situation and not act rashly .

That's me taking responsibility for my actions or reactions.God has given us freewill and cheating requires alot of premeditation that God does not orchestrate.

Actually going by the Christian faith (muslim too as it says marry them not keep your them as concubines) adultery is a sin.

So NO I ain't taking responsibility for HIS actions. Let HIM pray for God to help him not to cheat again.

I love your wedding gown very simple and elegant and the exact amount I bought mine x years ago Team bargain hunters

Happy Married life by the way.God bless your union

As for the size more difficult in Nigeria .Nigerian parents can like to take over your wedding How will I have 15 guests when my mum's aso ebi was worn by over a hundred people

I pray I don't become like that if my daughter says 15 people 15 people I shall try to make it.These days I hear people say to their parents you can do what you like with the traditional wedding but insist on the white wedding their way . Guess that's what giving rise to destination weddings for those that can afford it

ladygogo: I thought i was the only one that felt this way. Pray fire!!

I would be the one needing prayers :Dbut the prayers would be for to God to grant me wisdom and calm so I don't freak out and break his head or start screaming like a banshee So I will pray for myself not him.

chaircover: God bless you Dami
I will certainly look into this
How are you and yours? Enjoy whats left of the summer and stop complaining


hello everyone
Hope you are all good

My God answers my prayers that I know it rained in London just to cool it down a bit. I no complain again o I don't mind the days its the nights.

Found out for you the lady actually does bead training.You can check out her work on FB.Her business page is RemscoCreations.She is a make up artist as well met her at my friend's baby christening. She is quite good and I think her training might be one on one if you want.

coogar: it's the heat....
get the mobile a/c or put your duvet in a freezer for 3 hours.

I tell ya.things you do for your children hubby transferred the ac for the kids and pit one yeye fan In our own room.My son can't stand the heat and I keep procrastinating that il get another one.

I can't wait for Autumn joor.first it was hay fever now sleepless nights not a great summer fan these days.

I believe in God and prayers but NO as I keep saying I will not pray for a cheating spouse. Pray that what will happen? Is cheating tough times e.g loss of a job, illness, bereavement, dealing with an ill child, trying to concieve etc that I will be disturbing God for?

I would not divorce him immediately after this one discovery but I sure aint praying nothing. Why should I be the one praying when he is the one that did something wrong? I would confront him as calmly as I could (e go hard but dat na where I go need the prayer ) hear his explanations (I would prefer explanations to excuses sef) and then tell him and let him know that I will not tolerate cheating.I will not turn a blind eye "might" be willing to forgive this ONE depending on the reasons but Naaa I aint accepting it as 'normal'.If you value me and our marriage no more if not..... (leave it hanging)


I know its Linda Ikeji tings but all these pray pray for a cheating spouse just kinda puzzles me.


Anyway sha we are all different.Some girls don dey fight 'side chics' since tey tey.I no get that kind pawa.

Oloshious somebody..these days maybe cos am now a mother the thought of paedophiles just makes my blood boil Why children?


Poor innocent child now her mum is in jail as well.I hope the poor child is gonna be looked after.Abuse messes up its victims and without proper supervision and care she might be scarred for life.

It is true single mums need to be extra careful with the people they introduce into their children's lives..Unfortunately paedophiles are very crafty and it might be very difficult to detect one in a normal dating scenario.

Can't sleep

Hello everyone

Gosh both husband and wife na wa.
Very sad..All this for max 30 mins enjoyment. Na wa o.

aisha2: My sister if you know how much is being spent on behavorial change campaigns on radio, local communication and free contraceptions you will be shocked. They have been enlightened they just refuse to learn, we use peer educators they turn their noses at them and say they are agents of capitalism. Yet they are the ones who will ask "Government to come to their aid" when they finish birthing their multitude. The manner in which they disregard the kids is shocking, imagine sending a 5 year old to be a househelp and not even visiting once then when a wicked madam pours hot water or beats the child to coma they call "Government to help" them. When Government is helping you by building and providing fertility choice options at their door steps they wont accept, EVERY Primary Health Care center is fully equiped with these items so really we cant blame this on lack of information, infact NGOs have done too much but you cant force them to make wise choices

I guess one cant force them. But we can't relent hopefully the message will eventually filter through with time. My grandmother had 7 kids(she lost 3 at infancy) and none of her kids had more than 3.The numbers keep reducing by generation so hopefully the ones with multitudes now will have their own kids having better exposure and less kids.

Very touching...

angiemartinez: ok i was talking with my colleague some hours ago, and she said the only thing she hates in her hubby is the way he send her on errand every minute, like they are in the sitting room and the next thing is plug this fone for me. ok its ringing bring it for me, pls bring cotton bud from the room. oh i have hiccup get me water from the fridge. pls go and put on the gen, ok there is light now go and put off the gen. go and get fuel for the gen, etc.

is it really right for the man to just sit in one place when he is not crippled and ask his wife to do all of this?

to the women would you be submissive enough to always run d errand without grumbling?

Instead of discussing with you on what she hates why not jokingly say to HER husband "but you are nearer the phone naa" in other words tell HIM.Sometimes its lighthearted ways you use to pass your displeasure across.If she was not home of course he would get his phone himself . Sometimes instead of grumbling to others just tell him.At least he is her husband.

That said there is nothing wrong in running errands for each other.Today hubby just helped me print out some documents from work as we ran out of ink in the printer last night while I helped him pick up his shirts from the dry cleaners and pay in a cheque at the bank..So in marriage you serve each other and ideally both parties should not actually be keeping tabs.

I feel so sad seeing children brought to the world to suffer.Suffering is a relative term but at least the basics food, shelter, an education, good healthcare at the very least.

There needs to be more Education among the lower classes (not trying to be snobbish but thats just the truth)especially on the need to have the no of kids that they can effectively caterto. And yes I agree with Aisha on the lottery child mentality the more I have the more likely one will sha 'miraculously' hammer and take care of the others and me.It does happen but most times it doesn't and the cycle of poverty just continues.

coogar: TV01, what's your take on NHS's proposal of their own spërm bank to help lesbians who want children.

Are you serious?

God help Britain with all this their PC nonsense when some TTC heterosexual couples are denied IVF on the NHS as they are deemed able to try by "natural means".Is that really 'fair' and 'equal'? I know getting IVF on the NHS has been a touchy issue in the past (I have had people close to me just go private or go to the states where its cheaper) but if that was a huge debate on whether it was good use of NHS resources I hope this will be too.


Most likely not sha cos next thing anyone who says 'wooo slow down should we really be spending already scrarce NHS resources on this?" Will be labelled homophobic..

Must every contrary opinion always degenerate to Insults?

@OP lay it easy on the insults abeg people say produce a thread or a link to one of your analogies next thing is insults sofry naa.


As for your topic I kinda get your scope a bit but its not people saying divorce for silly reasons. Its more or less people (sometimes) applying a one size approach to marriage.E.g My husband helps himself to food from the freezer when he gets back from work and I rarely ever serve him..Another poster says she has to serve her husband food on the table. Next thing I start passing snide comments implying that the poster who serves her husband on the table is in a sort of 'bad marriage' or my marriage is definitely better because my husband does not mind me not serving him.

.By implying that a poster who might not understand that different individuals make up different marriages might start acting up in her own marriage . Which is why I often say know YOURSELF know YOUR spouse and learn to sieve through advise or what might be real issues and what are mundane..Marriage is not a battle field where mind games/plotting scheming should be the order of the day.As long you and your spouse understand each other sometimes you need to not compare.

And yeah I would also advise seperation/divorce in cases of domestic violence.

chaircover: Hi Dami
Not really inteesting like that. People were getting scared of marriage and I wanted to tell them otherwise. I cant remember the title
BTW do you know anyone who does beads? I want to learn how to make them.


God forbid me take a life. Please what are you referring to?

Good morning everybody and wishing you all a fruitful and blessed week Amen.

Amen CC and to you too

I do actually there are some ladies whose work i follow e..g Seun D's beads, GeeBalo (but she has moved back to Nigeria) Seun D does classes but I hear they are quite pricey.There is another One Remsco will find out for you if and when she wants to start giving classes. I want to learn as well and people say its faaaar cheaper to learn In Nigeria as the ones here charge alot.You can also learn for free or at a very subsidised rate at some local colleges but the thing is na oyinbo style bead making .

Will let you know.

Happy New Week Everyone

[quote author=Dez80][/quote]What 'discussion' on domestic violence do you want to have with her that you can't havr here that she has to add you on FB?.Your intial post about abuse victims taking the blame for abuse just makes me a bit wary about you counselling her (or any abuse victim) on FB on why domestic violence occurs

Ur welcome CC Happy Sunday to you too...Glad to see you around

Abeg the link to the thread must be really juicy to bring you out of hibernation. You know I like amebo.

Happy Sunday everyone ...All my peeps in hibernation if you are viewing hello hope you and yours are all well.

chaircover: Good Morning everyone
Lyndaroyce, Shoefreak, RR, Damiso etc thanks for the shoutout. Hope you are all good.
There has been a thread Ive been veiwing that finally brought me out of hibernation LOL
May God help us all.
Happy Sunday everyone

chaircover: Good Morning everyone
Lyndaroyce, Shoefreak, RR, Damiso etc thanks for the shoutout. Hope you are all good.
There has been a thread Ive been veiwing that finally brought me out of hibernation LOL
May God help us all.
Happy Sunday everyone

beeevan: A lady was describing the fighting tactics she used on her husband and I couldn't help laughing like a mad woman. She waited for the man to sleep,turned off the light and started whipping him with his belt, left, right and center. She even insisted that not knowing how to physically fight a man makes a woman mumu . Nah there u go fear mentality, fighting is like pre-intimacy to them .
Some really do enjoy it...

Na real wa one must really fear mentality truly.

beeevan: Very, very, possible and could this possibly break down the natural instinct to defend ones self against danger? A lady once told me that she enjoys fighting physically with her man because she likes the way he subdues her during the fight. She also mentioned that she enjoys the apologies and the make up intimacy afterwards.
I visited this lady once, only to meet her in a bloody fight with her younger brother. they were shoving each others clothes down a pit latrine. I had to take to my heels when weapons started flying to avoid collateral damage . So yes, you do have a very valid point.

@bolded I have always wondered too about this.I have always been a chicken when it comes to physical pain Right from childhood I have always tried to avoid getting physically hurt . Before my mum could catch me to give me any strokes of cane she sef go run mid to long distance marathon In school I did not mind getting to school at half 7 just to avoid the strokes of cane latecomers sometimes got.

I can't let anyone disfigure me o lai lai.So I will now be nursing black eye everytime I would rather live in a one room apartment than a mansion where I will be nursing wounds all the time.Mbanu.

Nonso23: Madam, you don't have to prove anything to anybody.
You have made your point and have been very unwavering and unsentimental. If someone has a problem with that , well that's their problem.

Thank you.

carefreewannabe: @bold

I couldn't agree more.



Fine.



Are you referring to me or Mrs Adichie?



I agree.



The picture is not evidence that it is yours but I believe you.

Cheers.

Cheers to you too