₦airaland Forum

BizBloke: [color=#000033]Well written. The highlighted part is very interesting. I don't really know (and I hope my view doesn't change in two years) but I want to be able to tuck my daughter in and also be there for her when she wakes. Ditto to the boys; I'd love to game a lot with them.
As regards your second paragraph, that's very impressive; once upon a time, my mum did something similar. Truth is we have to forgo some alternatives and timing is very important in this. We can't be perfect in family planning and parenting but we can sure give it a hell of a try commitment. [/color]

Children have such a small window of childhood and as much as we want to give them the best things in life sometimes their needs are actually far simpler than we make out. I even think the early stages are the cheaper bit and the expenses probably pile up more as they grow older and are less dependent on you by then which you would have created a bond and foundation that just needs to be worked on.So many studies have shown that the Early Years Foundation Stage (0-5 years) are very crucialnin the development of a child and are such is one of the hardest times to adjust esp in your career.

Which brings me to another issue.I have worked in Nigeria and the UK and contrary to some points being raised here I actually think western societies (Europe especially) actually cater more to the fact that being a mother (parent actually but mothers more so) and having a career is a tough juggle.I like to talk from first hand experience and its real life experiences . Nigeria's coporate world is BRUTUAL to family life and allowances are not made to accommodate those who want to pursue career and raise a growing family. I won't mention names but there was a company (don't know if its still the case) where it was an unwritten rule that you could not get pregnant in your first few years of employment.

My uncle's wife got laid off while 8 months pregnant in a now defunct bank as her branch manager felt she was the disposable or weak link as she would soon be going on 3 months mat leave (all employers quite understandably are not fans of mat leave but coporate Nigeria really can't stand it)and would also be closing at 4 (its called nursing mother allowance) for another 3 months.He let her go and kept the single girls as he felt motherhood was a liability.

I will compare that to my case.I was entitled to 9 months PAID maternity leave with the option of taking a whole year with the last 3 months unpaid.My company was quite generous as I got full pay for the first 6 months and SMP(statutory mat pay) for 3 months.When I was ready to go back I had a meeting with my manager and asked for flexible working patterns where I was able to negotiate coming in early and leaving early.All parents with children under 5 are entitled to 13 weeks unpaid parental leave if they need it and my company even allowed you to take a further one year career break after your Maternity leave if you felt you needed it.

My role was to be made redundant due to company relocation while I was on mat leave with my 2nd pregnancy. My company offered me a job in the new location before anybody else on my team as they had to cover themselves by law to ensure that I was not being made redundant due to being on mat leave.I went through a 4 month consultation period before I decided on taking a voluntary redundancy due to my family situation at the time.

So I disagree that progressive nations do not understand that parenting is a big deal and having a hectic work schedule is detrimental to family life.Afterall who coined work life balance?
How many Nigerian companies give paternity leave? Until this year in the UK paternity leave was just 2 weeks and women got 39 weeks paid.Even now a woman can choose to split the 12 months with her partner but majority of couples still have the woman using up most of the 12 months.

So i think Nigerian companies need to step up a bit (I think the MNCs are a bit better) in the regards of allowing a bit more flexibility to people with young growing families.

r231: Chaircover, Ewuro, Efe, LyndaRoyce, Damiso, Naijababe, Jennykadri and Edwife..........all guilty of this


Runs away

You no serious But its true sha.

BizBloke: [color=#000033]Exactly, Damiso.[/color]

Some sort of sacrifice (either way for career or family ) is made when you have kids so to think otherwise is just not being realistic . And yeah most times the mothers tend to be the ones who make the sacrifice.Its not just a Nigerian or African reality.Its a reality for mothers the world over. That's why mothers tend to be the ones who work from home, work part time, work compressed hours, job share etc.

I got passed over for promotion as I was unable to travel at the drop of a hat (and thats even within the UK) which was a sacrifice on my part.We can say my husband could have picked up the slack but we had a routine where he dropped my daughter off as he worked nearer home and could resume after 9.I picked her up as I could go in earlier and leave early (half 3 /4) and pick her up play with her abit cook dinner and tuck her into bed as i left home most times before she woke up.So if I had to be travelling to Hull, Manchester with just a day's notice (clients are king in the business world) who would pick up my daughter from nursery?Is it the same husband that had already negotiated coming in later so he could close later?

I was initially pained but I later said to myself tucking my daughter into bed myself after leaving home most times before she woke up is enough promotion for me.

Like someone else has said its not black and white but truly having kids MIGHT mean you slowing down a bit till an effective rhythm is found that works for your family.

naijababe: Sainsburys. But I am sure other stores stock it

Thanks babe went to Tesco today did not find it the oil aisle.will check Sainsburys. Thanks babe.

Chaircover I miss you pls come back from the hiatus naa

LyndaRoyce: Hello room! Hope we're all good.
Halura and Amjane, I saw your complaint about indigestion in the pregnancy thread. I cannot reply ya'll over there because I was banned. So I thought of giving my reply here.
Actually, one will probably have to live with some indigestion during pregnancy. Though it's a discomfort to you but the slowing down of your digestive system gives your body time to pass nutrient through the placenta to your baby.
During preggy your body secretes hormones which tend to make your muscles relax. That relaxation of your muscles slows ya digestive progress after meal.
Indigestion during preggy cannot be escaped but can merely be managed......
Take your time to properly masticate your meals before swallow......
After eating,try not to exert extra pressure on yoir tummy/waist, instead of bending with your waist,use your knees.
Sit-up straight,wear loose/comfortable wears and also wait for atleast 1hr b4 lying down after meal.
Eat your dinner early(3-4hrs b4 bed) thus to prevent bloating.
Drinks containing caffeiene also aggravates indigestion...minimize your intake.
Avoid alcohol and ciggarettes for they encourage indigestion/heartburn.
Wish you both a stress-free pregnancy/delivery period.

Zemaye.... I recognize this moniker! Hope u're good. How bobo?
Chillisauce edwife cococandy efemena royalroy naijababe damiso r231 tonyxtopher etc I dey greet o.

Hi Lynda hows the lil one

BizBloke: [color=#000033]Is it ideal? Really, it's a subjective thing. From my perspective, going for one with lower ambitions is somewhat.
If it boils down to raising children, there's family planning and giving birth could be set for an appropriate time, say, 2-3 years after marriage, hence giving both parties ample time to get to a stage in their careers when they can multi-task effectively.
Then again, it depends on the angle of ambition: is my spouse's ambition hinged on a corporate career structure or entrepreneurial career structure (h/she is the founder)? If both spouses ambitions are hinged on different career structures, a balance can be struck quite easily.
What else? Making time for each other; this should be sorted out internally.[/color]

Great points. Demanding careeer/ambitions are subjective. An entrepreneur might have a demanding career but might have the flexibility of time to spend with the family as opposed to a 9 to 5 person. A GP in a GP surgery is also a doctor but probably has more time than a Consultant in a large hospital.Like some one else said definitely not black and white.

Even my son will miss that ITV catchy 'Brazil Brazil tune' need to look for it on iTunes.

Pls how is Messi player of the tournament? Really I like the guy and I wanted him to perform at the International level if only just to stop the Maradona comparison but he definitely was not the best player in this world cup.Rodriguez, was by far better than him.. FIFA and ojoro sha.Even Robben (mr diver) was better than him as he was not consistent.


I will miss the world cup

EfemenaXY: Lol!

Lucky you! I can't even keep the gold fish in the aquarium. My inquisitive daughter will knock it over and flood the electrics.

Me too my inquisitive son too I am talking about when they are abit older and want pets.

I just called him from his war front

Gutted for Messi but I guess Great Team trumped great player. .Germany deserved to win.

My husband is rejoicing like Naija won

Coogar e don do naa

Germany don break your South American jinx

@Chilli and Naijababe great tip . Don't really deep fry anymore perse oven chips, grill my meat more boli (roast plantain) than Dodo (fried plantain) but that actifry seems like a great idea.

Naijababe what store do you buy that oil from?

Oh no Germany scores guess great team trumped great player
This Neur na winch o

ihedinobi2: *sigh* Ok, you'll have to give me some time. I have to call a carpenter. Which one do you want carved? Naira? Dollar? Pound? Yen? Euro? Metalworkers aren't easy to find. But if you prefer metal work I'll see about finding somebody too.

You get the carving at the wedding o. I'm an Igbo man too.

cunning man die cunning man bury am

EfemenaXY: I'm not Igbo!



Many of them have pets too.

Don't get me wrong, I love pets as long as they sleep OUTSIDE, like in Naija where the weather is warm enough for that all year round. So there aren't any instances of accidental poo-droppings in your home / floors, moulting hairs on your carpets, beds (eurgh!) or irate pets chewing frustratedly on your leather furniture because they've not had their daily walk / outings to the park.

Basically, I love the good parts of owning a pet but not the work that comes along with looking after them HERE.

Me and you are the same can't stand cat hairs, dog hairs etc etc. Too much work and if we do that naija style here na RSPCA go come arrest person So lets keep to the gold fish in the tank
No vex chilli but have you also noticed the weirdest of the lot have lots of Cats Seems there is some kinda eccentricity going on with lovers of many cats

ihedinobi2: All these Ijebu and Igbo people sef. Ok o. We'll share the cake with you.

Cake ke naa am on a diet.Hard Currency only

@Ewuro1 ayamashe (not ayameze where you see meze oyinbo woman ) is very fried stew that is meant to be eaten with Ofada rice (we eat with scented jasmine rice).You know that green stew they gbaa epo(bleach palm oil) for.i am sure you would have add it before its similar to all those buka fried stew but this time with green pepper.My daughter calls it green stew omo mi oyinbo she says its too spicy.

Its really not a healthy stew based on the quantity and gbaaing (bleaching) of palm oil.Was trying to see if I could substitute with rapeseed oil and not bleach (the way the smoke alarm sef goes off )..But my hubby will say which kain psychedelic ayamashe is this ?.abeg its once in a while joor.

You sef see that the hair is work . Really sofry we have had tears and drama plus cajoling plus threats plus chocolate reward ...phew.

ihedinobi2: Do you have an unmarried twin sister like you, damiso? I wanna make friends

Efe, you too. I don't mind younger sisters either but they need to have the neat freak, non-hoarding genes.

Ask around I am business woman so whats my commission ?

Happy Saturday everyone how's everyone ?..Am soo knackered tackling my daughter's hair is like a job on its own I don taya for the hair.If not that I love lil girls with hair I for cut am thank God I have only one girl.Ewuro1 kudos to you.And no be go do am sef just taking it out washing and moisturising na hin I taya like this.

About to embark on some cooking. I am making ayamase Naijababe? Any tips on less fat? Its just that if palm oil is not floating on it e no be ayamase I am trying to eat clean but hubby says he feels like some and I can only make it the unhealthy way

Shoefreak me sef dey wait for your story.

Efemenaxy1: Lol! Did you watch the program about OCD's going out to slob's homes to help them out? It was hilarous watching both ends of the spectrum trying to find a common ground.

Most of the "dirty" people were willing to change. It's just that they let things get on top of them till it all got out of control...so looking at the pile of chores to be tackled was sort of depressing for them. The worst cases though were the hoarders. Jeez, now that set of people really do have mental issues. Every single item, old newspaper, bottle cover, pin, scrap, etc had it's use. A skip was hired for one guy whose home was literally filled up from floor to ceiling, but he was ever so reluctant to throw out anything. The most that was done was just a polythene bag or two of rubbish he allowed to let go...and even then, he put up such a fight! At the end of the program, the OCD sufferer could only clear out one room in the entire house.

Most of the junk was just shifted from pillar to post one room to the next. Sad really.

Anyway, I so get you about not sleeping comfortably knowing there's stuff that needs to be sorted out in the kitchen sink. I actually find cleaning (and ironing) theraputic. Feels even better waking up in the wee hours of the weekend (whilst the entire household is still asleep) to just get a-scrubbing...behind the electric / gas cooker, deep freezer, washing machine / dishwasher / condenser and inside every cupboard.

A good sweep followed closely with moping the floors with boiling water and bleach is just exhilarating.

Where is Yellowpawpaw / Ypepe??

I watched one of the episodes and it was hilarious You are right slobs just let the whole thing get ontop of them and sometimes it just gets to the point where they just can't be bothered.You know I watch those programmes and I am scratching my head thinking where do they actually sleep?? . I can't even sleep on a bed that is not laid A wet towel on the bed makes me see stars not to talk of that level of filth.

I also hate hoarding God knows how many quarrels I had with my mum about the need to keep hundreds of plates cutlery etc when we always rented off caterers for parties My mum is a neat freak (I took after her) but she can hoard jeeez.Her Gele(head tie) cupboard is the size of my whole wardrobe all sorted and arranged by colour and shade. Geeeez very annoying I do a clear out every new season and if I don't use it at least once in 2/3 years its going out. I like space and keeping unnecessary stuff just takes up space.

Like you Efe cleaning (not ironing hate ironing) is therapeutic for me.My friends and roomates in University thought I had issues but I just can't stand dirt or untidy enviroments.Thankfully my husband is also neat (but is not as obsessed with getting them done everyday like I am) but I really don't think I could have coped with a slob.My daughter is taking after me and even her nursery teacher remarked on how excellent she is tidying up after play She can't even use a messy toilet " mummy its disgusting lets go home".

So if you were not fasting nko

r231: I am fasting today

Naijababe who is chopping panties now

Hello everybody

bukatyne: On a serious note,
Only a lazy/wicked spouse looks on when the other can't handle or needs to multitask stuffs
It goes both ways

Bukatyne talking from the perspective of someone who has OCD like tendencies that might not always be the case.Let me give you practical examples from my own home where hubby helps with chores cooks and can singlehandedly take care of the kids.

I am a bit of a clean freak and I can't stand things out of place or any form of dirt.Take for example dirty plates if I go to bed with dirty plates in the sink I could wake up at 3am cos they keep popping into my subconscious. Until recently I used to mop my floors wash toilet and bath every two days.While my hubby helps me out sometimes he actually watches me and says "God will not let you kill yourself because I can't see any dirt on this floor you are mopping now did we not just mop it 2 days ago " while shaking his head.Sometimes he will say leave the plates I will do them tomorrow morning I want to watch football . Next thing I am there doing them myself after I just finished probably cooking a large quantity of food.By your last statement he must be wicked/lazy but really I am the one with the issues .I need to learn to take a chill pill (which I am learning by the way with the help of my son ) but really he would sort the plates the next morning if only I let him.


So like I said different home dynamics. Not all men who do not do chores are wicked

And its just not a Nigerian or African thing women of other cultures too moan about how their men can't be bothered with chores.Heck some women sef can't be bothered. Watching episodes of 'How Clean is your House'has taught me that *shudders remebering some episodes* yuck

Like Aluta alluded to it is different people different marriage dynamics.

I do not think it is disrespectful but sometimes not necessary to make it one kind big deal if it can be worked round.My husband does chores and my Dad did not.That does not mean my husband loves me more than my dad loved my mum.My mum had army of domestic help and come to think of it sef how many chores (as in sweeping, mopping washing)she sef dey do thinking back.She would do it if push came to shove but had others she would direct to do them which was transferred to us as we grew older.

If the work is too much and I have asked and he does not help then if I can afford it I hire help.As soon as I could afford it as a single girl I was paying for my clothes to be laundered so why should I start moaning if my husband refuses to do laundry.

Its not disrespectful but its also not as big as people on NL make it out to be.Besides chores take on different dimensions Clearing the garden is a chore and most men don't moan if the woman does not do it.For some they just get a landscaper in if they cant be bothered so if your hubby won't help just get a cleaning person in.

Hi everyone

Efe I think you are your own o cos I think Jenny understands yoruba


If you pay me just a token of £500 an hr I will teach you I can even use it as work experience on my CV.

naijababe: You gon' be eating your panties baby, just like Coogar is eating his shorts

What panties Me I am not saying the dutch cant win I just wish they dont.But knowing how desperate uncle robben is anything can happen I just hope he can stay on his feet today(mr diver ) I just don't an All Euro final joor.

naijababe: Na the dutch go win am, you wait and see

Nooo oooo I don't want an all European final joor na Euros we dey ni make dem wait till 2016

Team Argentina.

Ewuro1: Another one

Eyan buruku ni awon Germans yii

7-0

These Germans sef they are too unemotional must they score

bellong: Fred is a product of quota system...

MMotimo: What you see depends on your environment, a lot of people still see what you saw when you were growing up.
#1 I salute any man that will give such a testimony in public and would place more value on him than one who would rather pretend that his wife makes no significant impact to their finances. Not being the breadwinner should not be a reason for either spouse to disrespect the other, marriage is a partnership, regardless of who makes more or no money. Your mindset is typical though, many people cannot grasp how a spouse with no income deserves respect.
#2 Men have always wanted a working, independent woman, that is not a new thing. The women of my family, including SILs, all had jobs before they got married because most couples will need two incomes at that stage of their marriage. Due to the present economic realities, it has become even more important, few can maintain a reasonable lifestyle on one income.
#3 Don't we have a lot more females doing that than men? And since time immemorial too
#4 Depends on the man you married. Chances are the traits or actual behavior were exhibited during courtship. Only a small minority will change after marriage. These our desperate times and for some women, marriage has become a means to escape poverty thus the haste in many cases to tie the man down with minimal consideration given to compatibility and true affection from both sides. A man that loves you will feel for you and will help as much as possible

Well said.


Backgrounds differ sha but I was always surrounded by industrious, hardworking women who pulled their own weight (even more sef sometimes) so all these "women are eggs" " "women are oppresed" "men must do it all" theories are alien to me.

So OP from your point 1 if the man is the breadwinner the woman too must not expect total respect all the time abi?