₦airaland Forum

Wallie:
My day sucked!

I think this should be the theme of the day.
I thot i was crusing to December and the usual FYE rush on how i was already doing 94% on my YTD target.

Then outta no-where three of my big whales just struck.

One said he saw a major correction in FX market and therefore wants to take advantage (green back did lose some serious ground today in the black market) Na so the guy hammer a couple of Hundred milla via Neft and that was that.

Number two said his local suppliers were on his neck (unfortunately, other monies he has with rival institution happen to be managed by none other than his daughter) Na so FD in excess of 30 milla terminate, NEFT will do the rest tomorrow.

Then for the Coup de grace, Three is coupling funds to pay for one 700 milla property he is acquiring (my cabal is contributing like 25% of this) I beg die make the coupling take place for my cabal. But trust the power of the PEE YOU ESS ESS WHY, My rival In that aggressive bank wih the aggressive colour theme don smooth every every over. CHAI, see wetin breast dey do!

And that is the way the cookie crumbles.

So this is an Appeal, Help a brother out!

Anybody here with JEGA contacts make e give me. I'm sure theres abit of that 80sumthin Billion left. even if its 50m i'll manage.


Peace

netotse:
@diggler
does that mean that SMEs have access to the 600billion? or it's under another of them interventions that the money to buy the loan comes from? cos last time i remember you were running from SMEs now. . .and what are the interest rates on them loans sef?

let me take the them ?s from the top

Yes the SMEs have access to the 600Bn, however with the usual hoops n hurdles. Naturally it is super tough (impossible in 90% of cases) for 'genuine' Start ups to access the funds. So for now we are repackaging (airbrushing if u like) those substandard, doubtful and even lost Risk assets in the SME sector for onward presentation to CBN/BOI for approval to release funds. As we speak there is still like 200Bn untouched coupled with the 70bn textile fund and others, omo, fund berekete na to access be the wahala.

So yes i was running from SMEs but thanks to Sanusi's guarantees, The Risk in Risk asset has been minimized.
You suppose know the fate of government money now.
The other day i had to block some transactions a benefactor in my books was tryin to run. When we started the exchange of correspondence the Mofo had the effrontery to tell me that after all na government money. that was when i reminded him to take a good look at his offer letter preferably with his professional assistance.

Finally the sweet part, the interest rate on the loans na 7% with tenures of up to 15 years. Any Honest/focused entrepreneur can make things happen with this kinda financing. But trust naija now.

@Work week has been hectic as usual.
Seems my Boss ladys oven has been Loaded (ppl r seriously reproducing recession or no recession) .
I've been assigned some irritating tasks helping  folks in the Consumer banking unit to inch up their figures.
As usual na ember month we dey and year end madness is shifting gears gradually.

Peace

@ Damiso

far from that.

I have a Boss lady in my organization that grew her SBUs b'ness like 75% whilst she was on maternity leave.

Its just some women in my organization seem to forget that they work for a profit oriented private sector outfit and not some Government ministry.

All i'm saying is Child rearing is a career on its own and a lotta ppl are failures at that talk less of handling multi-milla b'ness.

@Netotse
I aint doing nothing to the naira that Sanusi & GEJ combined did not initiate.
Couple of weeks back i personally lost like N250k cos GEJ released some monies to NHA and men dem where busy snapping up every greenback in sight for remittance to their offshore a/cs.

Also ur addiction for imported items (toothpicks inclusive) is also part of the problem.

Anyways, i'm trying to lay off this International trade/FX thingy for a bit and refocus on classic Financial Intermediation with a lil twist (mobilize deposit, give credit, get BOI/CBN to come buy off the loan after it has gone bad and i don cream mega millions in interest payments).
Closed a deal like that last month for one SME in my locale and i doubled on my annual profitability target cos of that one deal.

Peace

Sup folks.

Question?

Would you give your female staff maternity leave of say 3 months each for 2 consecutive years?


As for me, once i leave the payroll and be paying my own roll, i'd only hire married women who are done with reproduction.
All the labor rights activist can come have tryouts with my lawyers in labor court for all i care.

Yeah, yeah Child rearing is a divine injunction and all that, but so is "go out there, subdue the earth and dont starve those bloody kids to death".

Some women are just meant to sit their large asses at home and rear kids. It takes something extra to juggle a career and family.

My Mums who is at zenith of her profession (academics), made sacrifices so she can raise my ungrateful behind plus my three sblings.

yet she was still able to make it.
if u aint got it, u aint got it period.

peace

AjanleKoko:
One last thing. I could only see one major difference between India and Nigeria. Just like us, the whole country's wealth is in the grip of a very privileged few. However, these people invest their stolen billions in India. The Reliance-Ambanis, Tatas, Mittals, etc, are the real owners of India. But they are not morons like the OBJ-IBB crew, that steal billions of dollars, of which they can only realistically spend millions. The rest is usually abandoned in accounts they themselves can't even trace.

Every developed economy in the world has these Robber barons that helped stimulate the growth. Tata, Ambani, Mittal et al are the Indian version of Rockerfeller, Astor, Carnegie, Edison for the states. These peeps used their connections to the corridors of those that be & made things happen initially for them selves and eventually the knock effect happened.
This is why i respect Aliko any day despite the what detractors naturally have to say. If na u nko?

@Hustle Front.

Them blood suckers just had to eat into my break.
Some performance review crap, they just had to make it fall into the valley of my Business (peak rainy season is always whack here in the SE).

Recent devts indicate the our beleaguered currency is going to be under serious pressure in the weeks and months ahead. In the past two weeks i've had demand of close to $3M but supply is not there.

Peace to y'all

One implication of Nigeria topping this list is that real soon we wont be eligible to participate in this scheme cos we would have exceeded our 50,000 mark

Another thing i wish to point out is that from my experience and general random sampling of the winners of DV lottery scheme, we dont tend to lose our best minds via that medium.
Most people that go to the states through thatmans are hardly nobody's over here and when they get there they join the grind.

My point is that our best minds will find their way to the US one way or another if they so desire and if you check, a greater percentage of them (at least from my personal experience) made it despite the DV lottery scheme.

The Nigerian Banking Industry is a FEMALE DOG.

As such i be treating it as one.


Your bosses be giving u ultimatums like Making a Loss is a sin.

yet You package credit requests (tons of ppl are actually asking for those these days cos of sanusi's false hopes).

And they shoot it down for the flimsiest excuse.

The first loophole i see, I'm gonna hack out my own piece of the cake and scram big time.


And uuh yeah, Its good to be back here after a major hiatus.

Shout out to all the Lords of the Office thread, TKB, Janlekoko, netsy, tmoni & all y'all.

keep up the hustle.

Peace

tkb417:
@Diggler

Nice one. Youre not alone in the whole 'fiasco'

It is understandable the need for people to invest in near money instruments since the lull in the stock market wouldnt attract your HNIs, definitely, the bond market would be the bride

Lets look at the positives as i wont be able to give word of assurances to calm your fears, what i know is that, this is a welcome development as our state govts are seeing the need look elsewhere aside the monthly allocations from the central govt.

The sovereign state called Nigeria is in need of money to fiance developmental projects and if we really wanna attain the giant of africa status, then we really need to start overhauling and revamping and Social overhead capitals in order to attract reasonal investments in the real sector of the economy.

how are your HNIs dealing in bond? Is it through the primary or secondary mkts via the PDMMs?
all i can see now is the positives, the nation is in need of money to build infrastrucures, the real sector is in need of money to kickstart our industrial compaign, the states are in need of money to convert their slums to mega cities

Till date, over $15billion dollars have been raised by the govt through the DMO so my guy, short-long term prognosis says the bond mkt is here to stay

True talk bro with real valid points.

Us Nigerians have proven that we hold the least regard for "Other peoples Money" Erastus, Cecilia & Ololo anybody?

Talk less of when its supposedly "Government Money" which these funds become after i've forked em over for some Security paper with signatures and a watermark or two .

My point is if we cant initiate these projects when we had billions in Petro-wealth, na my money dem go come use abi?
I mean all em mid-east countries have corruption issues yet we see daily the heights their petro-wealth has gotten & will still take them.

Oga TKB another question, with our new $4.6bn & dropping Excess crude balance whatchu feel the Exchange rate is gonna be like? cos i'm really thinking bout taking a position now cos i be seeing $1/N160 in the Horizon, maybe i can get me some new wheels or something.

I've made a lil something with the brief spike we had this month but i need something major like we had early last year when we hit N172.
Its just the Oil coys be keeping the Markets stable for now.

Anyways i need to forget shoptalk for now, kickback & enjoy my break.
May has been a helluva month with all em starts & stops.
But many thanks to 'The Creator' for seeing me through it all 'profitably despite the challenges.

Y'all have some good fun now.

Peace

Howdy Folks,

Its been forever, I tell ya.
Sanusi still has boys running from pillar to post Or chics from Desk to whatever surface (standing sef e dey) that gets the depos rolling in.


A question for Monsieur TKB, Jarus & all em Economists out there,
Background: A lot of My HNIs & MNIs (medium Net worths) are really falling for this bond craze going on. And some of em are looking to me for approval before they dump some hard earned millions in there. ( more like use me as a thrashing board for when 'it' hits the fan, cos where i dey when they made the stacks?)

However, I've never been a fan of joining Fads & all sorts of bandwagons esp as regards Investments (we all know the recent history).

So my question is IF European countries can have issues with supposedly Govt backed securities/Bonds etc, What guarantees do we have that our beloved Cesspool of mis-management & corruption Nigeria wont tow a similar more disastrous path?

Peace

Hello,

Its been a bit.
wetin man go do? Monday to Friday (some saturdays & sundays included) week in week out, yet e no dey end.

Well, i guess thats what happens when you take the money (again you've gotta ask, which money sef ontop paycut, no promotion and constant fear of list wey go comot).

This particular HR guy is now known for his bag with the termination letters.
Once he comes to your Location, Its like Death itself just walked in.

Meanhwhile i heard about the N10billion scam @ Ovia's house and boy did i imagine my self as the bloke.
I bought houses in the swiss alps, french riviera, bahamas, tahiti, new york and as i dey enter Bombardier dem office to price private Jet na im my phone ring as my Boss had to send me to go tidy up one FX deal, Chai!

Anyways peace to the five families.

Holla

axeman85:
interesting thread

I am an account manager with a bank in the uk
deal with major client accounts & individuals
basically recovering for all and sundry
been doing it for 2yrs now
good pay and bonus not too bad working from 4 to 8:30pm
and sat 9:2pm

2days makes it 2weeks am back in uk after 1month vacation in naija, miss the sunshine and hustling and bustling of lagos.

work today was fast as usual, good collections, on target for the month, had 2free sandwich from the vending maching
felt like slapping a customer 6feet under.
good day so far.

Mr AXEMAN Welcome to NLs chill zone for the Hustlers.
also congrats on having the singular honour of Post number 1000.

This our little something has really come a long way.

Peace

The North is scared of the following scenario playing out:

1.) Goodluck assumes full Presidential powers.

2.) Tompolo, Boyloaf & the Creek Side boyz start gingering some swagga.
2b.) Goodluck in the name of Niger Delta amensty, reconcilliation & all that shieet approves 75% derivation or autonomy or even Independence of ND region.

3.) May 2011 he leaves Aso Villa & returns to Niger Delta as Supreme Godfather/Elder statesman.

4.) Oil Poor North is left with just their Sausages in their hands.

@Office

9-5 activities has been on some High octane sheeit for like 2 weeks now.

I've been watching the Turai Space, the Lagerback space & Sanusis attempts to santise my Industry with bated interest.

Hope y'all are being productive.

Peace out.

Sup peeps

No time to say no time

Though i've personally vowed to stay off anything to do with Risk Assets, they keep pulling me back in.

My BM & Head of C&M both got promoted all of a sudden, part of a whirlwind going on in my Organization.
Suddenly urs truly is the only & most experienced Credit/commercial banking dude in d Branch.
somehow the fate of the new BM rests on my palms.

To make matters worse, we were in the middle of restructuring one of the biggest/most profitable SME loans in my region
So i guess the heat on my behind has been turned up some notches

I'm gonna have to increase my fone call budget like 5 times cos i know i'm gonna be calling my ex- supervisors every other second over the next two weeks.

Thank God for Chinese Hols, certain aspects of my biz have cooled, God willing if i can prove my worth i could yet squeeze out a promotion/pay hike from these blood suckers.(cost cutting or not!)

Peace out.

netotse:
guy, this okwute that u hv been saying up and down the place, what is it?

Peter the Rock upon which Christ built the church.

Okwute means rock in Igbo

Peter Obi the rock upon which the future of Anambra state (and some other things) will be built

@Office
Didnt bother to make the deposit mobilization rounds today cos na same ol same u go hear.
Basically let the accounts run themselves for today.

Oh! yeah, thwarted one small 300k fraud today as eagle eye Master wey i be.
Even the Internal control mofo no fit spot am, yet mofo is always looking for an opportunity to bust my nuts
Somehow he feels we in the business side of the bank get to make so much xtra cash through the deals we midwife.
When in actual fact we do make a lil depending on situations, but most times we sacrifice a lot.

Still thankful to God for his mercies

Peace out

Howdy folks,

Past week has been hectic for urs truly as these economic saboteurs were rushing to beat the Chinese Holiday. Me as facilitator in Chief had to keep Chukwuka, Chukwudi, Okechukwu, Liu ying Po, Qiong Xiang & Jackie Chan's 6th cousin happy.

Plus Anambra election added some new kinda spice to the action.

B'ness has been good fees & commission wise.
but as for liability generation, well that aint happening cos money just no dey.

Thank God the election went well sorta & Okwute is still on still.
Me i see it as a simple case of the devil u know, plus some of my huge P.sector links have okwutes finger prints all over.

I've had an eye on Val since like December, but suddenly suddenly the thing just crept up on me & omo boy is just not liquid.
Well this honey had better buy into the 'recession val' else nothing for am (me too i guess).

I've gotta catch some Zzs cos i've got this SME credit foisted on me by our Corp banking boys from HO cos its in my locality.
I've done the initial ground work & investigation and as usual the bizness looks too good on paper.
But having spoken to the client, seen his factory site & some suckas he's working with, i dont need som'n  that'll chomp my behind in a years time when the mush hits the Fan.

so i'll go get some good sleep and craft a very good memo to the corporate boys on how i do not recommend granting credit to the mofo.

Peace out

My condolences to Tollu on ur Loss.

Think it waz NWA that said "Phock the POLICE", I second that.

Business is picking up as i contribute my quota towards destroying the Nigerian economy (I'm an accessory to ur addiction to inferior Chinese goods).

I've got bizness + pleasure + fake smiles + ass licking + headache lined up tomorrow, first i need to get over my Insomnia.

Have fun Folks.

Ps. @ Bluediva I dig ur racket, I have execution (as in murder murder murder, Kill kill kill) plans laid out for My Institutions' HR team all them suckas know na to de raise expense up and down, dey snag some cheap tail from desperate/naive chics seeking promotions & the like.

[size=8pt]THIS IS THE PRIVATE PLACEMENT

Lead Issuing House: PDP Securities Nigeria Limited![/size]

First working week of 2010 has bitten the dust just like 2009 before it.

B'ness is still getting outta of its slumber.
Hopefully with the last few weddings & the like this weekend mofos go realize say money don dey finish & then we can resume where we left off.

Also keeping an eye on the Arena of the most anticipated Political battle in naija history to see how a nigga will benefit Contacts, CABAL & personal account balance wise.

I smell a bad year in the Credit space this year, Urs truly is focusing on Cash down International trade this year (Cash & Carry).
Anybody with contacts were i can lay me hands on some competitively priced Export proceeds should holla @ ur boy. I can move upto $5million a month . U fit dey cream better commission for the deal.


Meanwyl tension still high in the office
My Institution is one of the profitable few left & hasn't laid off yet but if u read btw the lines of the e-mail chatter from HR & general water cooler yarns u'll know something is brewing.
Laggards & Stragglers r being asked some funny questions by HR.

Sometimes I feel Nigerian companies take decisions not cos of its effect on bottomline & strategy going forward but just cos
the other guys r doing it.


Anyways, spending my first weekend of 2010 with my baby (resolution till Feb is to stick to one woman).

L8az

Now aint this something

Lil Ol'Me with the singular Honour of the First Post of 2010.

Welcome to the sunny side peeps.

Slow start to the Year as usual.

Keep up the Hustle.

Shout out to AjanleKOKO Master for is award.

Peaceful & Profitable days ahead.

Cheers

selingel:
said his ambitions are to meet the president of the United States of America, Barrack Obama and to become a footballer come Petroleum

HONESTLY i wonder where freedom of expression is at? SEUN this ur automatic spell check /profanity checking BullS!#+ is just not it. People have the right to say things the way they want to & people that dont wanna hear it have the right not to read those lines. simple!

Tudór:
Who the hell are these people?

My point exactly

No one seems to notice the look on the fourth officials face, It is kinda creepy/gay, i mean u've got some dude digging his hand around his CoCK (BIA! SEUN MIND URSEF WITH THIS UR AUTOCORRECTION!!, NO DEY CRAMP MY STYLE) area ryte next to u & u're standing theor with some phocked up smile on your face.

@CeCegorz Welcome to the Online watering hole of the naija workerman.

I'll start by pouring out some liquor for my comrades that got caught in the whirlwind.

My Institution though it is one of the few profitable banks left is also encouraging staff to take the nearest exit @ the slightest disciplinary infraction.

This half week has been mad as i've been moping up every Cashkobo i can lay my fingers on.
I think along the way i might have inadvertently asked 3 different chics to marry me just so they make sure all their Bosses sales proceeds for the day flow into my CABAL.

Anyways Omo boy is gonna hibernate for a low key Xmas, (present economic climate warrants that)
Though i'll be hitting all the social events around to see whose spending & who is not, part of my planning for 2010 Hunting season.
Cos i do intend to hit the ground 2 the blistering pace next year.


When i leave that bank (hopefully next year), It will be on my own terms & they'll be reluctant to let me go.
But i'll leave nonetheless, cos this being on the payroll/climbing someones corporate ladder cr@p $ucks big time.

pay your own roll & build your own corporation.


Wish U all the VERY BEST of the SEASON

MERRY XMAS Y'all & MAY THE YEAR 2010 bring with it the times of JOY & LAUGHTER FOR US ALL.

ONE LOVE

Honestly like some posters said earlier, i dont see what the biggie is.

Aero for me still remains the best run airline in the land.
Besides when the snacks were free (on economy that is) i've had reason to turn them down.

Sometimes these flights last for barely 30 mins.

On one occasion the Cabin Crew were like a quarter of the way into serving the dry cookies when the pilot begin mis yan all those pre-landing yans.

Damn!

So its been a year!

Big Ups to the thread.

Ur boy is in the thick of the battle, u know common FYE & stuff.

Though surprisingly its been kinda easier than i thot. I should be doing 115% of the bloody target by next week.

I'm actually perfecting my plans for next year when I hope to take a big step by quitting this aspect of the Financial Services Industry (honestly, the stress aint worth it, plus trends & feelers seem to suggest the pay is gonna get more phucked up going forward).

Anyways happy anniversary to the thread.

Peace.

We need to research and see if his sex drive has anything to do with his performance on the course.

If it does, then i guess he should divorce the nordic woman or come to some sort of arrangement with her that will enable him get 'enuf prime toto' (come o the guy no like original African Congo nah, why?).

Obviously that chic does not deliver the goods the Mr TIGER needs.

I feel the arrangement thing is good for her because she'll stand to make a ton of money plus since the yarn is that our guyman is such a greater phocker, she fit dey get some inside house action on the side.

ponytail:
Men I'm being to think perhaps Elizabeth should have been with Jeremy instead, and Kevin with Emma

I've only had tome for the odd highlight or two but whenever i see kev & emma together, u've gotta love the chemistry.

Eliz was so wrong for the dude.

@ Napa

N200 million by can be met depending on various factors.

what market r u playing?
If u're in public sector & u have the contacts, then one account could do the magic for you.

However, if u're in a commercial seting like urs truly, then forget the N200milla in reatained balances & focus on driving transactions that will bring in the income for your bank.
No how the bank go sack a money maker. besides, it might be ur income that the bank will use to pay the exorbitant interest rate the customer will
demand on N200million.

However, my dear if u're in an upcountry branch e.g say u're in damaturu, & u aint ready to beat some alhaji's sausage, then kiss the N200milla bye bye.

AMODU's contribution to our performing well @ the ANC/SA 2010 is closer to like 10%.

For us to perform well @ these tourneys, the following has to happen

1.) Joseph Yobo, Seyi Olofinjana & Taiye Taiwo need to pick a serious injuries in december that'll lay them off for like 8 months.

2.) The NFF should get their acts ryte & put in place proper arrangements for prepping for these tourneys, esp Grade A friendlies with the likes of Brazil, England, Netherlands, Germany, Argentina, Spain.

3.) Beijing 2008 & Egypt 2009 team players should be given a fair chance to fight for shirts.

If we can do these, then we can go have some fun @ these tourneys.


Finally Amodu should know that anything short of Victory (anyhow, all we need is the cup) in Angola is bye byes for his sorry black ass.