Darlingme: Yes of course. No woman call herself that name. It's the people, society (you and i) that calls her that name and it's insultive.
Yes and if she was holding her own, knew her Selfworth and not whoring around. Nobody, even society won't call her baby mama. It's these slay queen's that that terms is used for
Darlingme: I never mentioned men are alpha and Omega in my write up. Girls (female) are to be empowered. No gender need another gender to be happy. But there are consequences when a lady decided to stay on her own and turn herself to a baby mama. This topic is complex but there are many young ladies out there that needs certain orientation and counseling.
Woman who knows her Selfworth won't call herself baby mama. The term is insultive.
GenderMix: Dear Esteemed Nairalanders of extreme wisdom, I have a 4+ year old daughter who is very curious and sleeps on the same bed with me and wife. Some days ago she almost caught me and wife having sex, so in the morning she asked my wife what I was doing to her…lol. Most times I hug and kiss my wife in front of her and do same to her (in her case, a peck and she reciprocates back). This is our normal lives. Sometimes, when I hug my wife before her, she gets jealous..lol
I think we made a mistake in not allowing her get used to her room from day one. We had tried to make her see reasons why she can’t continue to sleep on same bed with us but it’s all falling on deaf ears. At a point, we forced her to her room and when she woke up around 2am, all hell was let loose, I felt sympathy and told my wife to allow her into our room.
We can’t continue this way, so I need your advice (especially married couples with kids)
1. Did we make a mistake by letting her sleep on same bed with us considering she is just 4?
2. Is it too late to force her to her room?
3. How do we go about making sure she gets used to her room without disturbing us?
4. If she asks what we are doing at night, like the case where she almost caught us, what would be a good reply that would sound logical and educative for her own growth.
5. Is her jealousy normal?
Thank you
It's all normal, she is an only child. My son tried to pull his baby sister down the bed when she was born, thank God we saw him on-time. You guys made the initial mistake to let her still stay in Ur bed that long. Now U don't have any choice but to be hard and retain the hard stance. Let it move her to tears and whaling,....keep Ur stance. If she wakes up in the middle of the night and start crying, let her cry it out. If she comes to Ur bedroom console her and send her back. Make her understand that her being is Ur bed is a previlage not her right. She will learn and U guys will have peace to do what adults do
Stargurl20: When will men cease from discussing sex sex sex? Is there nothing else in the union called marriage aside sex? It's honestly so annoying that some people have to even support rape in marriage. I'm not a feminist but It's high men started thinking of more important things in marriage aside sex abeg. Ahan!
It's actually an important and integral part of a union. Thing is all the threads that discuss this topic are from small boys redpillers. By their fruits and mindsets you shall know them.
Darlingme: To be honest with you, in as much as the modern world made us believe that “it’s not a big deal to have a child outside wedlock” “so long as you are financially stable, you can go ahead and have a child for any man of your choice” My dear, I’m aware your life , how you live it, it’s your business, but there are certain things that are not just all about you, so long as you introduced a third party (a child) into your it. Before you decided to become a baby mama for any man out there, there are few things I would love you to understand. 1. YOUR CHOICES BECOME LIMITED 2. YOU MIGHT RAISE A BITTER CHILD 3. LACK OF SELF TRUST/ SELF CONFIDENCE 4. STIGMATIZATION 5. YOU MIGHT END UP BECOMING A DESPERATE PERSON More details in the video below
You can share your view or more opinion to help a future victim.
This is all BS, everything U wrote. Reason being is that U streamlined yourself to our archaic African mentality were the man is the alpha and omega. That scenario is a fallacy cos when you teach our girls and empower them. Let them know they don't need a man to be happy, they will know their Selfworth and no man can take it from them
SURElee: Oga abeg park well make I see road. Was it not the beautiful make up and lashes you fell for, if not why didn't you know she is lazy and not a tidy woman? Didn't you date and court her? What happened to your eyes during courtship that you didn't see the signs you should have seen?
She eats and eats weird food cravings as if you don't know pregnant women have crazy unheard funny food cravings.
Instead of complaining, help her by studying her to know her weaknesses and help with domestic staff. And why is your plate you used to eat still left on the table? Your hand bend after eating? Can't you take your plate to the sink? Taking your plate to the sink after eating, will it reduce your manhood and stop you from being the man, head and daddy yo of the family and marriage?
Abeg swerve. Some things married people come online to complain about could easily be resolved without bringing it to social media.
This comment is directed at the OP not the one I quoted. As regards to the wierd cravings, there is nothing wrong with it. Any married person who has kids may have experienced such at or time or another. So that was just an excuse from the OP. In her last pregnancy, my wife has this craving of eating fried peppered eggs . and peppered meat. Me wetin concern me, I just made sure there was always eggs and meat in the house. What I never did was to get up and go and prepare it in the night, she did that herself. There was 1 time though that she woke me up around 2am and asked me to go and help her do it. The look I gave her that day could have executed a fly. Oh! There was another day like that that everything finished and I didn't realize on time. That day I had to drive out around 3 am to look for meat, returned home around 4 am to put it back in the burner and add pepper. Only for me to go back to the bedroom and she has slept off . That day I never let her forget it. I still use it to needle her till today Invariably what am saying is to weigh and balance things without resorting to violence. My wife knows though were I stand as regards using sex as a weapon.
Willll: So I go dress up for work, eat breakfast on top dining and you expect me to carry the plate with my suite go drop for kitchen when I get woman for house..?
I rather turn Reverend if na so the marriage be
These feminists everywhere. Marriage and feminism na two parallel entities. It can never work
Bro, nothing wrong in carrying Ur plate with Ur suit to kitchen after all U didn't marry to turn Ur wife to a slave. Nothing like feminism there, just simple table etiquette. I mean, would U no expert Ur children to take their plates to the kitchen after eating regardless of if they were wearing their best clothes. Would U expect them to leave it for their mother? Abeg, men get sense and forget certain archaic mentality.
socialmediaman: If OP doesn't see a professional to help them, there's a good chance that he'll do it again and the cycle will repeat itself over and over. There's a sense of accomplishment that comes with doing something heinous like this and getting away with it. Looking at his story, he regrets his action not because of how awfully wrong and distasteful it was, but because she took it too far and it affected his meals and entitlements. In essence, "I'm sorry that I lost our friendship because of what I did, not because I did something wrong that could affect you forever"
No I don't agree with you. It depends on the OP and how far he is ready to make sure what he did doesn't repeat itself. I mean when U have a partner that weaponizes things like this, you can be rest assured things like this may happen. They don't have to repeat themselves ofcos depending on how they both manage the issues.
Picktrust: First of all, why is your wife denying you sex? What are her reasons?
I doubt there is any reason. Sex shouldn't be used as a weapon but women have alway weaponised sex from time immemorial. The issue just degraded to what happened
socialmediaman: So you think it's ok to live with such trauma and function optimally? You don't think that woman may likely lose her sense of worth and develop some negative mental impression about herself, men and life in general? You don't think she could develop depression based on the traumatic experience? You don't think she'll also teach that mental picture to her children? You don't think she could develop some anger that could provoke violent behavior against her husband or children? Look around you. aggressive people everywhere, angry people everywhere. You think it's ok?
No I don't think so. The issue can be managed in their household amongst themselves. The day he takes it to a therapist that don't know shit about them, that is the day their problems begin. He just needs to be perseverant in getting his wife to talk to him about it and settle the issue. Only way to achieve that is to show her how penitent he is. If he needs to grapple on the floor for her to listen to him then so be it. His begging her doesn't remove the fact that is is the man of the house. It's just balancing situations that would get things where they should be
socialmediaman: You have to give her time and support. Taking responsibility means accepting that she needs time to heal from the trauma you caused. You hurt your wife and you want her to bounce back to normal immediately so that you can have a good meal? It sounds selfish and insensitive. It seems spousal rape isn’t captured in Nigeria’s penal code, if that’s the case, I suggest you do your time showing remorse and making reparations
Edit: as Amarisco suggested, You need professional help to manage your anger problems. Your wife also needs therapy to heal from the trauma.
BS. No therapy. How many Nigerian men rape their wives in Nigeria? Am sure we don't know that statistics. Given the circumstances many men would react like he did, that doesn't make the action good. So pls noone should come and say I support it. Give it time. Try to communicate. She needs her space, give it to her. Give her the TLC she needs, U married her so U know her better than anyone. Once she turns around and ready to talk. Then talk
LINTUNE: depends on your tribe..in my tribe(Igbo) it's not cool..she can support me in the trad marriage or white wedding, not the bride price..
Still, who would know where U put her money? Isn't only U two? Unless she is the type to go around telling people, hence belittling her husband. Pls she should put her money where her mouth is.
Pls we should be clear on this. If madam wants to answer married woman, she should put her money where her mouth is. After all, after the event na she go dey talk am pass. Ofcos only if the husband to be explicitly asks her to hold her money
Romanoff: See ehn, I know one that died with a will. Cause someone of the siblings know that their dad left the house he lived with the wife he lived with before his death, they refused to let the lawyer read the will.
The house is worth half of the man's estate.
Who would write a will and leave it in the house in the reach of his children? It doesn't happen na! It's just like not writing one in the first instance esp if the children are iberibe. The normal thing people do is make several copies and leave the original with the lawyer. Ofcos the lawyer has to be a trusted one. Ur story is questionable.
I know a family whose children have been fighting each other in court for property worth billions for years. The matter never see head.
They have tried to bribe judges in each other's favour, they have arrested each other with police, they have used jazz and all manner of threats.
Only happens if said person died intestate. Any sane person that wants to practice this kind of shit must and should have his will already written. So that if anything happens to the person only the people of his/her choice get the lion share.
Pascopele: Many men (including myself) got married for the wrong reasons. (in my case because she got pregnant and I did not want to have a child out of wedlock) . I have been regretting marrying that woman and taking her abroad for the past 17 years .
IF only I had left her in Nigeria and kept sending money for the kids upkeep or better still bringing only the baby abroad as the embassy staff suggested and even facilitated by them refusing her a visa but granting the new born baby right of passage by including the baby on my passport.
But did I heed this heavenly sent message that she wasn't my wife No, I did not and was blinded by wanting to have an ideal family where man, wife and child all lived in the same country under the same roof everyday and I went back to my station to file her immigration appeal and employed an expensive barrister to fight her case (at great financial cost to me) only for her to change the game after 10 years of my taking her abroad and she wanted to now give me skirt to wear and she will now be wearing the trouser and she conveniently forgot that we both grew up in Naija in an area where the men were always the king and not the queen.
At some point she lost her job and i was about to buy a house and i still included her name on the mortgage as Mr and Mrs without thinking twice about it but when the financial tables turned against me (my job got off shored to India and we had to sell the house to prevent repossession after I realised that i couldn't keep on paying the mortgage with my savings or credit card) , she waited until we BOTH spent all of my generous redundancy pay and once she noticed that I had started dipping into my generous credit card limit and that was going down fast she changed the game and started showing her real colours and showing me shege by openly abusing me and calling me lazy in front of our kids and at one point she asked me LOUDLY in front of our 10 year old son IF I WAS MAD and the boy looked at me, looked back at her and i noticed that his behavior changed that very day.
This is THE SAME WOMAN who before I took her abroad she will cry until her eyes go red anytime I was leaving Nigeria to go back to my base abroad before I brought her over.
So we were now renting (after selling the house to prevent repossession after my job moved to India with 100% redundancies) and the 6 months rent I paid up front for the new house we were now renting had run out and I had just come back from scoping some business in Naija and so was now looking for work afresh while she was working full time and (in my absence) she had gone to the Govt to start claiming single parent benefit (when she was not single as i had only traveled to Naija for 2 months) and her full time salary coupled with the generous single parent benefit was too much money for her to handle that she just went haywire and wanted me out of the house at all cost so that she can now be genuinely a single mother and continue collecting the financial largesse from the govt on top of her full time salary.
She even perfected her plans by telling my 3 year old daughter that I had abandoned her and the Oyinbo childminder I was paying for had to correct my ex by telling her not to ever tell a 3 year old that her father has abandoned her. The old Oyinbo woman knowing me knew that i would never abandon any of my kids but my crafty ex was covering all loop holes in her quest to be seen as legitimately a single mother so that nothing will stand in her way of receiving the govt ordained generous single mother money. (so she thought that by coaching and lying to my 3 year old daughter that i had abandoned her, this would buttress her money grabbing antics from the govt single parent cash handouts.
I became a loser in her eyes and the same woman I gave European citizenship on a platter of Gold will now tell me that I am just using her for shelter (just because she was now paying the rent after the 6 months rent advance i paid had expired) . ?
At some point I resorted to sleeping in my car at times even in winter and one day my then 10 year old son saw me as he was going to school and just shook his head.
When your wife wants to make you fail, they know what to do and which buttons to press and I used to liken it to a man planning how to pick himself up after losing his job and blowing his balloon full of job hunting plans and his wife turns around to puncture his balloon and she ends up deflating his plans with just one act of nastiness for example by calling him lazy or asking him if he is mad right in front of his kids all in a quest for him to move out of the house in annoyance so that she can now be a legitimate single mother in the eyes of the govt who squanders tax payers money on handouts to single mothers who have no need to live with a man who will be a hindrance to the govt cash handouts to single mothers.
Its no wonder that Europe is the single mother capital of the world.
I considered suicide at some point but could not bring myself to the point of offing myself and there was a day I thought of ending it all by running full speed and head butting a moving bus at like 3am in the morning - Insomnia comes with the territory when your wife turns against you just because you are temporarily unemployed.
I should have legged it from that marriage when my then 10 year old son told me one day that - Daddy, it seems as if Mummy wants to finish you . But I stayed in the marriage because I loved being under the same roof with my children (10 and 3 at the time) . Moreover that's what I saw my parents and their friends do.
Today she has monopolized the kids through hardcore brainwashing which she perfected when I went to Nigeria to try my hands at business some years ago.
So, she now has 100% full access to the kids (Young adults - both over 18 now) and you know that western kids have a mind of their own and you can NOT really force them to look for you if they don't FEEL LIKE.
The brain washing she has carried out on my children is as bad as that my Dad died 2 years ago and both of my kids have not called me up till today to commiserate with me even though their mum knows about my Dad's passing and my children live with their mum - whereas when her own dad died a few years earlier, my son shouldered a sizeable part of the burial costs even though he has not been to Nigeria since I brought him and his mum abroad when he was only a few months old.
Thank heavens I eventually gave that woman a lot of distance after finally realizing that if I continued living under the same roof with her, she would either kill me one day or send me to prison or I would kill her and that would be no good for our kids as the western govt care system for kids more often than not messes up the children's heads.
Now my peace of mind is worth more than any marriage.
I still date occasionally but at the first sign that a woman will stress me out or is not a peaceful human being, or is a liar dishonest, unreliable, troublesome, argumentative, unforgiving, vengeful or a flirt, I call off the relationship.
I've been separated from my Ex for more than 10 years now and she is still single (as in not legally married as she would need to get a divorce from me first which i would GLADLY give her anytime she meets someone she wants to marry).
I've been back in the same western country with her now for more than 13 years now and she is still single (we could have mended things 13 years ago but I saw that she was still as cantankerous and as argumentative as ever and i just stayed away from her.)
The longer I stay separated from her and single, the more I'm loving my singleness as no be say i need pikin again and the PEACEFUL companionship that a man needs from a wife is lacking in MOST Naija women especially cantankerous first wives especially the ones in western countries .
When I eventually get tired of being a bachelor then I may try dating again but for now a woman living with me is not my priority UNTIL I find a woman who genuinely loves peace, is not childish or vindictive, not combative or petty and will NOT try to be the man in the house and will not turn my children against me just because she lives in the West where their damaged system allows such arrant nonsense.
Marriage is a case of FOOLS RUSH IN WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO THREAD
If you know, you know.
Story full of bile from just a single experience. This doesn't prove that marriage is bad. It only proves that 1 experience is not enough to make a decision.
aljpimp: Mechanical engineering is broad.. you can specialize in automobile engineering, aeronautical engineering etc…
Yes, the person I am talking about. They are engineers in their house. Father worked abroad for long on ships. His eldest son prefers motorcycles. He has a shop for motorcycles in Ikeja (don't ask me the name) though heard he isn't based back home. His younger one the one I mentioned has a motor shop too in Nigeria and is based there. Their youngest went into aeronautical engineering. I heard he is going to Holland.
Awkabigboy: I mean the mechanics in Nigeria are mainly the informal ones except the car companies which I'm not writing about here. I mean our everyday mechanics are not mechanical engineers by profession , then why are certified mechanical engineers shying away from this lucrative sector to give the people what they indeed require.
The generalisation is bad. I know a mechanical engineer who owns a workshop. He built a working 7 cylinder motor engine from used parts for his school project. Best graduating student in his class. And he is not cheap. He uses used parts to do wonders.
ngoziwrites: So, I met this great guy online. After 2 weeks, we met in person and everything was perfect.
It's almost 2 months since we have been together.
He asked me out while we were together and I gladly said yes. (I have met a lot of players�). So while we were together, a discussion popped up and he said he can't discuss anything related to marriage until after 6 months. I pretended not to hear.
I don't know his financial capacity but I know he is doing okay. He controls the family business. They sell trucks, trailers and all. He is also a landlord in one of his father's houses at Festac. We stayed at a hotel. 25k per night. He paid for 2 night and I paid for one night. But during these times, we went to his house.
He said he didn't want me to come to see his place because it's the first time. And he said the house is very hot too.
Our communication is great but he doesn't look like he wants marriage soon. He has said things like marriage is hard work. He has also said in 10 years time, people will hardly be getting married.
Then one night, we were talking and he said I "see my wife as my responsibility" I will take care of her and of cos, I am okay but I will still be very very rich, so I can't bring in any woman to suffer now" .. That's what I am sure I heard but I was scared to ask him to explain further or repeat himself.
He is actually okay, he has two cars but importantly, he has sense and he is very hard-working. But he is very principled and we have actually had several instances where he doesn't pick my calls at night. It happens often but I am starting to trust him, because sometimes I call by 5am and he picks and says he slept off. Sometimes we would be chatting on WhatsApp and after I call him 20 minutes later, he won't respond. He is not married!
So, I currently earn 450k monthly and I have been able to save something meaningful, so I can start a good business before getting married or after. I haven't stated because I don't know which one yet. I started a restaurant business when I was 23 but it failed.
If I ask him and he says 1 year, of course, I can wait. I will be 26 years next year April.
We will seeing for the 2nd time next week. I plan to ask him when he sees himself getting married but I am scared and the way he carries himself makes me reluctant to ask such.
About two weeks ago, I wanted to even surprise him with gifts. I asked for his account number and office/home address. (He picked me up the last time I traveled to see him, so I don't know the address". Well, he didn't give me these details. He said when it's time I will have them.
Two days ago, he said a friend's younger brother is getting married. He laughed and said people just dey marry. He has once asked me "You dey find husband?" jokingly-
I would like to settle before 27. Is it bad that I am thinking this way? If he says he is looking to get married in 2-3 years, i think it's a bit far. 2023 is still fine. But the problem is he doesn't really sound like marriage is on his mind. He will be 32 next year April too.
We vibe a lot. But he says I love you sparingly. Sometimes I say it and he doesn't respond, he will say tomorrow I will tell u or no, I told u yesterday.
But we are really really cool. I like him a lot and he likes me but I think I like him more. He gives me attention, I don't have to ask.
If I was 23, I won't have a problem waiting 3-4 years. But since I am ready mentally, financially, I am looking for someone who wants it within 6 months to 1 year. I can still try to do 2 years if I get someone great.
Desperation is written all over this write up. It's marriage this marriage that. Marriage is not by force but if it's ur thing be careful who U get into it with. Get to know the man first without giving Ur all and concentrate on 1 person. Ofcos since U are not sure and U feel U can trust him. Sit him down, ask him clearly without fear. Tell him it's not by force, if he ain't feeling it then he can walk away and U go Ur own way. Marriage is not by force
AllahIsSatan: Text of Press Briefing by the Hon Minister of Information and Culture, Alhaji Lai Mohammed, on the decision by Britain to put Nigeria on its Red List over Covid-19….in Abuja on Monday, Dec. 6 2021
What is the essence of this man's press conference? Completely clueless Was he not one of the people that told the world Nigeria had Omicron before SA detected it
My observations so far It takes 5 to 8 hours of sunshine to charge the battery from 0 to 100% depending on the sunlight intensity.
And guess what guys. When all the house load are on it, it lasted me up to 8 hours to use up a single charge. But when I put of the fridge, the 45watt fan and when my laptop isn't in use, it takes more than 12 hours and that's exactly what I needed.
Burning 8 to 12 hours on petrol daily will send me back to my village.
Politics › Re: Chuks Ibegbu To Tinubu: Explain Your Source Of Wealth, Bullion Vans To Us by drnoel: 8:28am On Jan 14, 2022
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