₦airaland Forum

Sincerely, you're the one spitting venom on your own thread. Writing quotes, showing how supposedly knowledgeable you are and comparing yourself to accomplished writers shows how much you have deceived yourself. A writer puts up a post, articles and he has already made up his mind that he wants no correction, then why did you want people to read your work? Maybe you just expected to be told how exceedingly great and talented you are. Suit yourself.
Anyway, in seffi atta's book, a physical mass which was a human body crashed into a car bonnet? [td][/td]
What's so esoteric or skillful about the use of crash?
YOUR own statement was about the human mind ricochetting, lol, now that's interesting stuff.
Well, at the beginning, I felt you had some talent.right now I feel your combative and arrogant nature is destroying that.
So people cant say what they see anymore on the web? Nawa o! I thought obj and the rest where the only problems in the country.
Anyway, if you're looking for a professional critic, pay for one that will have the patience to read all this and stop soiling your thread with negative,insulting comments and 'cut and paste' Internet quotes which says so much about your character. I started with an open mind, I made a sincere comment, I felt you had to change some things and then suddenly in your own mind I was the enemy. Big news bro, I'm currently your best friend in this business.
Keep posting up your articles and insulting statements to turn off whoever's reading and my advice is that you should modify your statements because literary agents and publishers sometimes prowl around the web.
Do whatever you want as you please, ignore us your humble minions and oh! I almost forgot, always have a quote to back up all you do.

Ok, in your penultimate post for example, last paragraph-'his mind ricocheted for answers', How meaningful was that too you or did u just like that word 'ricochet'?
The last time that I checked, only bullets/missiles did that and not a straight thinking intelligent human mind. Use some other word and learn to review what you have written like it wasn't your creation.

Ok, exhales, good luck with your writing but,
Guess you're not one that listens when people are trying to make a point. Writing a good book that appeals to people needs no degree, all that is needed is talent but it has to be nurtured gradually and painfully. Guess you want to make money in the end right? Guess what? It's not that simple. The world of book publishing is unforgiven and hard.
Now here's the truth that i've been saying nicely-the current state of your work, the arrangement, the tenses are not good enough, I have no urge to read further. Nairaland's too nice to tell you that, outside in other foreign forums, real book critics would tear you apart so you can stick to this place if you want gratification and not a frank statement that makes you rethink your strategy.
There are rules to writing novels, try picking a good novel and comparing their descriptions and format to what you have written. Writing also does not mean that you have to display all the strange words used in describing simple things. I knew what i said about the surveillance stuff, read what I posted carefully I say again. You're in too much of a hurry, who's going to seriously review your work at the speed that you're posting, you think it's easy eh? Try doing that for other people if you have not.
Anyway, I guess you were looking for gushing sycophantic praise about your hurried unedited work not constructive cirtism and comparison. As you write, only strive to get better, nobody wants to understand your style if it has no public appeal or if they can't be sucked into it.
The road to perfection and success in writing is painfully long, try to be less self centered, relax, review your work and tell your self some certain truths. Maybe later you'll thank me for this but for now-goodbye.

I didn't say I was a good critic, I'm not even one. You wanted opinions, what people think right? Well, I just picked out a few places as examples of what I meant and sorry I choose this excerpt-you've posted a lot and I couldn't go through all.I'm not good with quoting line numbers and all that but it is your work and you should know it like the back of your hand, I was just pointing out what u should watch out for.
I found out that I couldn't see my mistakes in my own work and That i got better when I considered other people's suggestions without bias from my mind. No one knows it all, take it or leave it.
Scenarios matter, the reader wants it real life, he wants to believe that if u for example kick a guys door down with your gun in your hand, he'll at least run and get caught. At the moment william's house was being invaded, he was most bothered about going late to work.
Since it's your first draft, I feel you should read it again and make corrections before posting it up and plunging ahead like it doesn't matter. You want us to judge you at you best and mistakes are bound to exist in a first draft
I said I wrote worse than you, so don't quote me out of context, and I'm not teaching anything, I'm not sure i'm even better than you. Peace bro, relax and reconsider what I wrote.

I think you have a lot of talent and determination to be able to right a novel. It depicts you character in good light but I have some things to say about your writing that others have ignored and I'm sure you want to get better.
I think you're in too much of a hurry with you story. The excerpt I pasted has a lot of things wrong with it. In one sweeping paragraph down the line while I was reading, Williams had some surveillance of his apartment, suddenly his door was kicked down and too mehe received them rather well- how instinctive of him and how more work conscious could one be to be talking about being late to work after your door was kicked in? The conversations were funny.
Using 'he said in a galling tone'. Galling? Does that really fit in. You must always connect with the common man when writing. Try to keep it simple, choose your words carefully. Another example is the use of 'weltering' towards the end.
All in all, good attempt but remember, the initial writings are not always the best. Re-write, edit over and over again, and develop you plot gradually and carefully. Ingrain mystery in your work, be patient, you will find that your rhythm, your signature.
All the best, cheers, we all wrote worse

thiscounts:
‘‘Sir, could you help us with the name of the student, his school registration number, passport photograph and address if there is any?’’He courtly demanded.


        ‘‘sure…You got a pen?’’The Prof. focused on the paper on his desk ready to read out.
       Agent Rowland replied affirmatively and the Prof. dictated ‘‘Williams Akuegbe, with registration number 21789998  admitted in 1992 as a student of History and International relations. He lives in no 38 Ekundayo street shotunde Sogal. You will get the passport in fifteen minutes time.  Could that help in your investigation?, and if there is any more enquiry you are always welcome.’’ He gave a smug expression.


       ‘‘Sir…the name of the clan and the village or the contact of Mr.Igbinewaka’’ sounding Oliver Twist.
       ‘‘Oh! No. To be candid the contact of the man was not included in the written introduction, it must be in the tape.’ ’The Prof. shook his head pragmatically.


        ‘‘I’m grateful Prof. I will get in contact with you as soon as there is any other development. Thanks’’ Agent Rowland ended the conversation.


From the conversation he had with the Professor, many questions started sprouting in his head, he began to process intelligence from the raw information and arrived at a whole gamut of what the language could be used for within intelligence purview. To get to the root of the mystery he called on the DG of National Identity Management Commission to get the current address and identity of Williams Akuegbe who from all indications was no longer living in the address that was given by the Professor. From the database of the Commission, his new identity and address were traced.


       On that fateful evening after a long surveillance mounted on Akuegbe, Agent Rowland finally decided to bash down the door to his apartment; Akuegbe was about to go to work he was working with the Ministry of Defense. He was frightened at seeing the rude way in which Agent Richard and his colleagues got in, he wanted to scream them out but Agent Richard immediately flashed his I.D and ordered him to seat.


     ‘‘I’m on my way to work…I believe you guys won’t take much of my time’’ He asked in a galling tone.
     ‘‘Sure…last year as a student of History at SOGAL State University you conducted a documentary on  Etuku language.’’ Agent Rowland engaged him with ‘ We know it All Technique’ and it worked like magic.


     ‘‘You are right. And what does SSS have to do with it?’’He was convinced they knew him all.
    ‘‘Have you in any way posted it on the net or gave it out to anyone’’ Agent Rowland applied File and Dossier Technique; he showed him a web printed page of the language.


Agent Rowland knew he would be of help if he could tell them the truth, he was eager to get the information from him on time because if more time were wasted, he might not get to the root of the mystery. He handed over the web printed page to Akuegbe to decipher the content ‘‘Can you read this?’’

   
       Akuegbe collected it looking at the printed page with confusion, he was about to read the words out before a bullet from a sniper through the window hit him at the forehead…he fell down weltering in blood and pains.

The novel backlash finished , but then comes the hard part, finding a way to publish it. Advice and help needed, I have just been editing and re-editing it,

Yes!