₦airaland Forum

^^I careSS

j.pilata:
Nice one

tnx bro

Five stages of drunkenness
-------------------------------

Stage 1 - SMART(e.g Killz)
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING(e.g Bunmioguns)
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH(e.g Otooro)
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF(e.g Donk*****)
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE(Bin projan Pres.)
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.

^^I'd rather kill myself than commit suicide with projan

EFULEFU1:
^^
but i hear npjc are manlovers

Have you confirmed? Propaganda's the order of the day, open your eyes & be sure

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom.

A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the
bathroom.

A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the
bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is
screaming.

"What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush,
something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says,

"You idi.ot!= " "You're sitting on the mop bucket!


Pls leave a joke in honour of our drunken brawlers here in Nairaland, they keep the giggles coming after coming from the bar.

@ poster joining ain't the issue, the question is what are you bringing in?
If you've done your home work well and feel you can help any of PROJAN or NJPC then join the one needing more help ASAP.

belomada:
Hey i wnt join NJPC

Hello belomada, on behalf of the crew I say a hearty welcome. While we await other formalities, I want to acquaint you with other members, they include:

Skales CFR aka jokes studio
Ode Remo
Sutoboy
Mikuz
Homar
And more,
Now that you're Christened go ye paste a very befitting joke under a new topic, append NJPC to it & you're on the way to a life of jokes without end.

really enjoying this thread although some peeps are just xeroxing & pasting here . Hope nobody attacks me 'coz I may be silly here

*that awkward moment when a girl's practising her dance steps, communication skills for her new date & realizes he's been watching for over 10mins.

*that awkward moment when you mistakenly send your Unclad pics to your same sex friend or mum on whatsapp or bbm.

*that awkward moment when a Naija girl says 'sh.it dey hungry me'.

*that awkward moment a person brings his finger out of his nostril and immediately wants to shake hands with you.

*that awkward moment when you're watching mojo & your wife/mother walks in, you closed the laptop lid but the volume's high.

swtchicgurl:
oh, really? i'm flattened flattered!

You better be scared of that Mango, FYI he's a bush Mango with thorns.

Let's I forget, spent sometime going through most posts. I saw sth really interesting.
Thumbs UP Suto for fulfilling your promise to Boo, am so proud of you. You're the son of your father, Nigerians are still nice, lovely, great, sympathetic. Wish I could do sth like that to continue setting he pace. But distance doesn't help.

The return of the man Comdt. Eke Royal. Back after an agonising 7days. Now my challenging days are over.

One for you guys --->proudly NJPC

A friend just told me that he unknowingly walked into his grandpa making love with his nanny & he quickly imagined using an earthworm to pierce a drink carton.


Good morning pals

too old bro, pls try sth new

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-866418.0.html

otooro:
^^^ oh, i see
poly or monotechnic, or college of edu etc,

not bad tho'

so unfortunate you're still in boarding school

1st joke====>superb

well work

Nice efforts otooro.

Remarks: Work harder

otooro:
^^^ see grammar! ASUU don resume na! wetin u dey do for here na!

leave NL to the big boiz!

So sad it's becoming more obvious
I pray for ASUU to improve and not go on strike for people like you, because ASUU has never known me & will never

^^ can still see some more traits in you. We need them again for you ASAP. We've enjoyed relative peace in your absence, now you're back again

DONkollione:
Wu b ur owner? . Am sori d least of awa recruits hv been released n ur name did not appear.

Okie dokie no problems am coupled FYI. As per your PROJAN, you can enjoy it, your president just told me that he loves adultery. My wife keeps on warning me every time not to associate with such people, so I won't be joining.

otooro:
very fanny!
i'm so laffing
can't u see?

Finally he's out of asylum

bin gbagbo:
bunmi, what are u insinuating? adultery? i nor be ekeroyal oooo!!!

What about EkeRoyal? Now you're telling the world that you're an adulterer, so sorry friend. I was even considering this PTROJAN stuff but am never joining you again. In fact I'd rather kill myself than commit suicide with PROJAN.

DONkollione:
Bunmi i bow gv u. . . Na all d joke stale 4 u. . Ekeroyal u to much but pls dis npjc no b am atall

Thanks Don, you've behaved like a Niger Deltan I heard you are. I'll consider your request and see what needs to be done. That'll be probably very late or tomorrow, my owner's around .

Dyt:
s dat ow ppl r suppose use it?

Please didn't get you there. But if you desire further info, I'd appreciate you leave your contact details below. I'd try to reach you later or tomorrow, it's late already need to attend to other things.

Dear Nairalanders we're looking for CAPABLE marketers to help us market this product. If you're interested kindly leave your contact details below. Thanks

^^^^

thank you sir, what else can you say?

Bobo Val vs Señorita

BOY: Hey! pretty girl am Peter, what's your name?
GIRL: Cool, am Stella.
BOY: My number is 9131234567 can I have urs?.
GIRL: Ok no problems about that, 00190087762278
BOY: Is it an international number?
GIRL: No, that's my account number, save it with Stella Marcie, union bank, Agege branch . When I get an alert on my phone, I will call you!

***************************************************************************************************
The warning has been sounded in the first version of this thread but some guys are not relenting. Let's see how far they go.

Am at crossroads here, am a link from the north to the south. But the truth must be told, the northern part of Nigerian attach very little importance to orthodox education and they should reap the benefit. If all the student fails, I don't blame them. Sharia's good but shouldn't take over their brains. Genuine Moslems know the value of both education and with the help of their learned parents strike the balance. It's shameful to hear, so disgusting and tomorrow the same students will seek for political offices when they're unable to do well in O'Level exams. SHAME!!!  

honeric01:
It can't be me, remember i must be around to continue the story?

My dear you have to be there to report live and first hand information to us. Don't worry you'll comeback, you only went for assignment nothing else. Don't know why Nigerians are too scared to become genuine heroes.

ademiller:
Smh cos i believe some no do gooders wanna ruin dis thread and it shall never happen. God pass them

them are always bringing chaos with them wherever them are go, feel like kicking them ar$e$ now and save NL

honeric01:
50 of the virgins are already in hell waiting for you, we will add 22 from earth, 20 from NL including Booqee, i heard she's a virgin too.

onila
dyt
killz (i heard he has a puzsy too)
rokiatu
babe (she has 2 vaginna, so one's still intact)

more to come later

Then I tip you to be the best guy for the deal.
GO honeric01! GO honeric01!! GO honeric01!!!
Go and make NL proud.

Good Afternoon pals, here's one for lunch

A pot bellied religious minister was walking along a street when suddenly he saw a small boy from a distance trying to ring a bell, but could not due to his height. So as a minister he wanted to live by example. When he got close. the following dialog ensues:

MINISTER: hello boy may I help you?
BOY: Yes sir, I want to ring the bell.
*MINISTER rings bell very hard*
MINISTER: so what next?
BOY: We run, 'cause they'll release their German Shepherd
MINISTER: OMG!  what have I got myself into?



MOraL: Don't try to be over righteous, you never can tell.